Adam_Roman
Member
Don't bother with online dating, and join clubs at uni. You'll probably meet plenty of like-minded people there.
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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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Don't bother with online dating, and join clubs at uni. You'll probably meet plenty of like-minded people there.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I guess, personal update time?
I've been dating someone for about a month now. There are zero red flags. She's normal and we have fun. And while we initially rushed things, now we're taking things slow. Definitely just want to focus on the casual aspect for now and continue to get to know her, even if we're exclusive.
I had a bout of still-lingering commitment-phobia, which some of you know well, but eh, we'll see.
(... really I'm just trying to bump to 20k.)
I've been dating someone for about a month now. There are zero red flags. She's normal and we have fun. And while we initially rushed things, now we're taking things slow. Definitely just want to focus on the casual aspect for now and continue to get to know her, even if we're exclusive.
I had a bout of still-lingering commitment-phobia, which some of you know well, but eh, we'll see.
(... really I'm just trying to bump to 20k.)
Yeah guys can be hella weird about the nerdy stuff. Whenever I was on OKC, they'd always just ask about what games I was playing instead of.... you know, try to understand that I'm a multifaceted person who was more than just "dream gurl gamer chick" (even if games are a big part of my life). It was tiring.
Just try to meet people a Uni :3
Yay normalcy!
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
I mean "technically" they're free. It's all a "suggested donation" but they'll automatically ring you up for $25 and then you have to tell them you'll pay X instead which some douchy ones give you a dirty look over. It just feels weird doing it for a date, makes you seem cheap or something. So it's not the worst but just don't want to do it on a date.
1) Meet up with your date at the Museum.
2) Get there 15 minutes before your date/agreed meetup time.
3) Buy the tickets for $1.
4) Tell her you already brought her ticket.
5) ???
6) Profit.
inked_illusion
Member
So had my very first 'date' and I guess it went well.
Picked her up and went to one of the new japanese restaurants that recently popped up here. It was packed full but we got the last empty table at that moment so that was nice. It was pretty hip though the food serving were a bit smaller than what we hoped for. She was pretty great actually despite some hiccups here and there. I guess I can describe her as pretty polite and very nice though very shy. At first I kinda messed up and asked if her friends can join in but she said that they couldn't come so that was kind of lucky.
Afterwards, we both went to a boardgame cafe and it went a lot better than expected. Just went really easy and started playing uno even though it was her first time. Then we ended up playing fluxx which I couldn't believe worked really well even for beginners.
Overall, I really liked it and I guess I'm having feelings for her. Really hoped she does the same as well but I don't want to sound too desperate.
Anyways, thanks for reading and yeah give me feedback as to how I did personally on my first time.
Picked her up and went to one of the new japanese restaurants that recently popped up here. It was packed full but we got the last empty table at that moment so that was nice. It was pretty hip though the food serving were a bit smaller than what we hoped for. She was pretty great actually despite some hiccups here and there. I guess I can describe her as pretty polite and very nice though very shy. At first I kinda messed up and asked if her friends can join in but she said that they couldn't come so that was kind of lucky.
Afterwards, we both went to a boardgame cafe and it went a lot better than expected. Just went really easy and started playing uno even though it was her first time. Then we ended up playing fluxx which I couldn't believe worked really well even for beginners.
Overall, I really liked it and I guess I'm having feelings for her. Really hoped she does the same as well but I don't want to sound too desperate.
Anyways, thanks for reading and yeah give me feedback as to how I did personally on my first time.
The bolded sentence makes me think this wasn't actually a date, combined with the whole asking friends to come along too.
When you asked, did you actually use the word "date"? Did you make it obvious this was supposed to be a romantic thing, not just a friendly thing?
If you're wondering about her having feelings or not, ask her on an actual date next time, you'll know the answer pretty quickly.
ZackieChan
Member
Fluxx? She's a filthy casual. Dump her.
Congrats, dude. Never invite her friends. Bail if she invited hers.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
Tinder in NYC is almost too much. I get way too many matches.
ZackieChan
Member
Are they human?
Halp me Gaf!
Been going on plenty of dates (thanks tinder) the past month and really hit it off with this one girl but I've kind of screwed up and need some advice on how to proceed. Story goes like this (apologise for the long post!):
First date (thursday night) - Meet for a casual drink, which turns into dinner as we hit it off. Walk her back to the ferry terminal, have a chat while waiting and agreed that it was a good night and would like to see each other again.
Chatting over text the next day I throw out that would she like to catch up again soon, she says yes and asks when. I said it was short notice but how about this Sunday and she said perfect.
Second date (Sunday) - Meet up for a round of putt putt and was quite busy so was great to actually spend a good amount of time chatting while between holes. During the game I mentioned that I was tossing up suggesting putt putt or going to 'sessions on the green' (live music on sunday's here in brisbane) which she said she'd love to go to. Go for a drink afterwards and then to a dessert place (loser shouts). Walk her to the car, state that I've really enjoyed her company and would like to see her again in which she also agrees. I said I'd like to take her to Sessions on the green for our next date and she said that would be lovely. We make out. Great.
Next day, she actually asks me out to dinner for Friday which I, of course, agree to and said that I was actually going to ask her out for Sunday's Sessions on the green but was going to wait a couple of days.
Third date (Friday) - I go to pick her up and this time bring her flowers, nothing crazy, just a couple of lily's. She invites me in for a glass of wine as we still had plenty of time before the dinner booking. We head off to dinner and again it went well. Drive back to her place and we make out for a bit and said that I'll give her a call tomorrow to arrange a time for Sunday. She said she'll be a little busy but if she doesn't answer she'll call when free.
Call her Saturday, she doesn't answer but decide to send her a text with a plan...and this is where I things have taken a turn.
I suggest that I'll come over with some wine, have a couple of drinks and then Uber it over to Sessions on the green, have dinner afterwards and then back to her house to watch surviver (show she likes).
Got a response a couple of hours later apologising for the late reply, feels that things are moving quicker than what she's ready for. She says your nice and I like you but just needs a bit less... I reply saying that I kind of agree as Sunday would be the 4th date in a week and a half, that flowers may have been overkill. Said that I'm happy to slow things down or would she like to stop altogether. She replies saying a slow down sounds good. Reply with ok great and said to let me know when she's ready to go out again. She thanks me for being normal about it and we chat for a bit about random stuff.
I kind of feel like i'm that guy who treats a marathon as a sprint and kind of annoyed at myself. Suggesting that Sunday plan would have been a big day and kind of invited myself into her house was not a good move.
Where do I go from here? Wait a couple of days to ask her out next weekend, perhaps to something more casual? Wait until she replies? Or do you think it's game over?
Been going on plenty of dates (thanks tinder) the past month and really hit it off with this one girl but I've kind of screwed up and need some advice on how to proceed. Story goes like this (apologise for the long post!):
First date (thursday night) - Meet for a casual drink, which turns into dinner as we hit it off. Walk her back to the ferry terminal, have a chat while waiting and agreed that it was a good night and would like to see each other again.
Chatting over text the next day I throw out that would she like to catch up again soon, she says yes and asks when. I said it was short notice but how about this Sunday and she said perfect.
Second date (Sunday) - Meet up for a round of putt putt and was quite busy so was great to actually spend a good amount of time chatting while between holes. During the game I mentioned that I was tossing up suggesting putt putt or going to 'sessions on the green' (live music on sunday's here in brisbane) which she said she'd love to go to. Go for a drink afterwards and then to a dessert place (loser shouts). Walk her to the car, state that I've really enjoyed her company and would like to see her again in which she also agrees. I said I'd like to take her to Sessions on the green for our next date and she said that would be lovely. We make out. Great.
Next day, she actually asks me out to dinner for Friday which I, of course, agree to and said that I was actually going to ask her out for Sunday's Sessions on the green but was going to wait a couple of days.
Third date (Friday) - I go to pick her up and this time bring her flowers, nothing crazy, just a couple of lily's. She invites me in for a glass of wine as we still had plenty of time before the dinner booking. We head off to dinner and again it went well. Drive back to her place and we make out for a bit and said that I'll give her a call tomorrow to arrange a time for Sunday. She said she'll be a little busy but if she doesn't answer she'll call when free.
Call her Saturday, she doesn't answer but decide to send her a text with a plan...and this is where I things have taken a turn.
I suggest that I'll come over with some wine, have a couple of drinks and then Uber it over to Sessions on the green, have dinner afterwards and then back to her house to watch surviver (show she likes).
Got a response a couple of hours later apologising for the late reply, feels that things are moving quicker than what she's ready for. She says your nice and I like you but just needs a bit less... I reply saying that I kind of agree as Sunday would be the 4th date in a week and a half, that flowers may have been overkill. Said that I'm happy to slow things down or would she like to stop altogether. She replies saying a slow down sounds good. Reply with ok great and said to let me know when she's ready to go out again. She thanks me for being normal about it and we chat for a bit about random stuff.
I kind of feel like i'm that guy who treats a marathon as a sprint and kind of annoyed at myself. Suggesting that Sunday plan would have been a big day and kind of invited myself into her house was not a good move.
Where do I go from here? Wait a couple of days to ask her out next weekend, perhaps to something more casual? Wait until she replies? Or do you think it's game over?
Where you fucked up was by asking her to "Survivor and Chill" at her place. The wine was a bit much, but you did that on date 3, so...*shrug*. Music and dinner is a perfectly fine date though.
Wait a few days, ask her out again. Eliminate doubt on where you stand. If she agrees, keep it casual, if she doesn't, move on.
TatteredHat
Member
What's the general go-to rule when you're suddenly contacted again by a girl who stopped talking to you over a month ago? She said that she hadn't opened the app in ages and hadn't seen my messages back then, but that sounds a bit fishy seeing as apps give you notifications if you receive messages.
I'm more inclined to believe she had something else going on with another guy and it went south, so she's looking for fall-back options.
I'm more inclined to believe she had something else going on with another guy and it went south, so she's looking for fall-back options.
Yup. No biggie though, maybe he just got there first and things progressed well enough initially that she didn't feel the need to msg anyone else. I'd give her a chance if I liked her enough.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Hmm, not sure how I didn't think of that.
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
Speaking from experience (and you already acknowledge this anyways) it was the flowers and the making of the 4th date. She kind of didn't help inviting you over and making you feel more comfortable where things were going, but still to create a whole date where you basically invite yourself over her house before and after was probably what really got her thinking stuff was moving too fast for her.
Dont get discouraged though. Every mistake I've made in the past has taught me something new for my next date with someone else. It's a learning experience. For example, now you know what not to do with the next girl if it doesn't work out with this girl
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Had to cancel my date, must have got food poisoning or something last night because my stomach is not happy. Hopefully they're willing to reschedule.
I'm torn on this, because yeah, second chances are good and all, but often when I encounter this kind of thing she ends up flaky/not responding again anyway. I'd give it a shot but not expect too much.
Clay Davis
Member
I took Llyranor's advice because I felt it was rude not to reply. I sent a message saying that I didn't think we were looking for the same things and she sent a message back calling me a number of things including an ugly fag.
Killed my interest in dating right now. There was really no reason for her to so abusive. Here's what I said:
Hi [name redacted]
Thanks for the message. I am sorry for not replying sooner and if you believe I was rude, that wasn't my intent. Having thought things over, I don't believe we're looking for the same things. I hope you find what you're looking for and I hope you have a great rest of the weekend.
Take Care.
I was polite and only wanted to let her know because she was so persistent. Maybe I'm being too sensitive after the breakup.
Killed my interest in dating right now. There was really no reason for her to so abusive. Here's what I said:
Hi [name redacted]
Thanks for the message. I am sorry for not replying sooner and if you believe I was rude, that wasn't my intent. Having thought things over, I don't believe we're looking for the same things. I hope you find what you're looking for and I hope you have a great rest of the weekend.
Take Care.
I was polite and only wanted to let her know because she was so persistent. Maybe I'm being too sensitive after the breakup.
sigh, shit like this is why people go ghost. You did the right thing though, and her reaction isn't on you at all. Plenty of decent people out there who won't lash out because of their bruised egos.
See, that's why you shouldn't have even replied. Nothing good could come of it.
Clay Davis
Member
I regret it to be honest. I was having a really good day otherwise. I know her response isn't on me, but it feels like I brought it on myself. If I had blocked her instead of replying it would have been done and I wouldn't be feeling like crap right now
I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought back to when I'd been left in the wind and didn't like it so thought by letting her know we'd both have some finality and she'd reply saying the same thing, but instead I get a message full of hate. I was polite, there was no reason for it.
I didn't mean to single out Llyranor though. I was thinking of replying before their advice, so I'm sorry for it seemed as I was singling them out. Thank you for your advice, I probably won't be back for a while, but I enjoy reading all the advice and you're all good, kind people for taking the time to offer your advice/experiences to help others.
I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought back to when I'd been left in the wind and didn't like it so thought by letting her know we'd both have some finality and she'd reply saying the same thing, but instead I get a message full of hate. I was polite, there was no reason for it.
I didn't mean to single out Llyranor though. I was thinking of replying before their advice, so I'm sorry for it seemed as I was singling them out. Thank you for your advice, I probably won't be back for a while, but I enjoy reading all the advice and you're all good, kind people for taking the time to offer your advice/experiences to help others.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Hit up other women. Go on more dates. Only thing you did wrong was inviting yourself in and bringing flowers. Flowers for not your gf is just always a bad idea. But meh. I think you did it aight. If interest is there you gotta pounce.
ZackieChan
Member
Yeah, if someone's an asshole or weirdly clingy, I just ghost. Learned my lesson a few years ago.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
That's why you don't respond... There were nothing but red flags before that, not sure why you thought she'd just take it in stride.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
Like 2/3 are human, 1/3 are bots.
I've already gotten 5 numbers and met up with one of the girls.
Sadly my phone was stolen today, so I am bum out of luck till I get my first paycheck from my job. =C
Clay, I'm afraid you misread my advice. I did not suggest allowing her to respond since there was no point after the rejection.
I understand why you feel exasperated by this encounter, but look at it in another way; you are absolutely sure you dodged a bullet now. I understand feeling down about this for now, but hopefully you will rebound and move past this.
I understand why you feel exasperated by this encounter, but look at it in another way; you are absolutely sure you dodged a bullet now. I understand feeling down about this for now, but hopefully you will rebound and move past this.
Lol wow. Had a really awkward experience. Was walking my dog on a running/walking trail and my dog goes up to this girl that was studying. She started asking me questions about him and myself. So we start to talk and I ask her if she'd like to meet up for coffee sometime, she said that sure. She then ask what church I go to, I told her, "I'm not religious, but not against anyone that is". She then starts acting really awkward and makes a comment that it's weird that someone would ask someone out they hardly know. She then ask for my Facebook and awkwardly gets out as fast as she can.
The whole situation made me feel really fucking weird and creepy. I honestly didn't find her all that attractive, I just wanted to work on approaching more people in person, instead of relying on Internet dating.
The whole situation made me feel really fucking weird and creepy. I honestly didn't find her all that attractive, I just wanted to work on approaching more people in person, instead of relying on Internet dating.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
How do you afford dates?
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
You don't need to pay money for dates, free stuff and walking around can be fun too. Tomorrow a girl and I are going to a free movie viewing out in a park.
Though the girl I met up with was just looking to hook up, so no date needed, since she was just visiting NYC for the weekend.
inked_illusion
Member
I think there might be a good chance that it was a date moreso an outing with no friends. She asked first if I was gonna invite friends and I said they were busy and I asked her the same. I guess she also purposely made sure that none of her friends came so there might be that. It could be an assumption honestly. It was weird though cause her parents were conservative and traditional I guess so I had to pick her up at the park a block away from her house.
It was also weird to at the end of the "date" that we were talking about vacations and I mentioned that I was going to Japan next year. She kinda got jealous but said that if I was gonna go again in the future that she wants to come along. That caught me off guard actually. So I'm really hoping there's something but I guess she's studying for her clinicals so the next couple of months might be a lull. I'll probably ask her out on a proper date next time.
ZackieChan
Member
Reading all these stories, one thing is clear - dating in your thirties is way better than in your early 20s.
Yep. Girls are more likely to have seen Arrested Development.
Alt response: Being further in your career makes it easier to cover the $6 parking.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Nearly everything in this post is wrong. I don't expect you to browse through nearly 20,000 posts, so I'm going to highlight things.
1. Yes, it was an assumption. You don't default to anything romantic. You had an outing with a friend. You need to accept that rather than wonder. (And no, before you ask, you can't retroactively convert something into a date.) That doesn't mean you shouldn't feel happy that you had good conversation and perhaps some chemistry. But disabuse yourself of the idea that something has a "good chance" to be a date: it either is or isn't.
2. I don't know what "hoping there's something there" means, but there's a very simple way for you to find out: ask her on a date.
3. If someone likes you, they'll find time for you. No one is busy 24/7. If they are or claim to be, they're not interested in you. People -- friends, romantic partners, business contacts -- can and will make time for you if they want.
Frankly, it sounds like you're already talking yourself into happily accepting the fact that she'll soft reject you by claiming she's busy. This isn't a good look.
4. Why are you saying "probably?" It sounds like you're entirely lacking confidence and afraid of being rejected. Stop. The worst possible outcome is that she's not interested. You'll live. She'll live. The world will turn. Don't use hedging language with her, and certainly don't use wishy-washy language here: ask her out, do it soon, and accept the consequences.
I seriously think most problems could be resolved if people authentically expressed how they were feeling.
ZackieChan
Member
😅😅😅
Wow no kidding. I had a date completely cancel because she didn't want to go somewhere that charges for parking. Never went through with it, but welcome to living in a major city?
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
you dodged a bullet with jason, no doubt
stn
Member
Basically, you didn't close the deal after the second date. That was the first time you made out, natural escalation would bring you to sex on the third date. She invited you in for a glass of wine and you made out on the way back to her place. Notice how she ended the date with "I'll be a little busy but..."? Notice how restrictive that phrase sounds? She said that to plant the seeds for her eventual escape. Which, of course, happened right when you proposed date 4.
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
This is my thinking too. You literally owed her nothing. It's nt ghosting if you've never talked to her, let alone met lol
SuperBanana
Banned
So about a year ago I met this woman and we got on really well. We started as friends but it clearly started to become more. Unfortunately, she was married. We kept flirting and definitely had a crush for each other but we stopped talking since it was going down a bad path. About 6 months ago she started messaging me again on the app we always messaged on but it started getting too far again and she stopped talking to me. I understood why though.
A few days ago I noticed she popped up on facebook as a recommended person to add. I looked on her profile and noticed she separated from her husband. I'm not fully sure when it 2 months ago she was posting about "her" house and then a month ago wrote a big thing about splitting from her husband and moving to a different area. They aren't even friends on facebook anymore.
She no longer uses the app we used to talk on but I was thinking of adding her to facebook and saying hi. I don't expect her to jump my bone right away or anything but we really, really hit it off well and only stopped because she was married. Now she's separated I was thinking I could see how it went but would it be too early to add her to fb or come off weird? Or do you think it's fine?
A few days ago I noticed she popped up on facebook as a recommended person to add. I looked on her profile and noticed she separated from her husband. I'm not fully sure when it 2 months ago she was posting about "her" house and then a month ago wrote a big thing about splitting from her husband and moving to a different area. They aren't even friends on facebook anymore.
She no longer uses the app we used to talk on but I was thinking of adding her to facebook and saying hi. I don't expect her to jump my bone right away or anything but we really, really hit it off well and only stopped because she was married. Now she's separated I was thinking I could see how it went but would it be too early to add her to fb or come off weird? Or do you think it's fine?
n64coder
Member
Personally, I think it's too early. I would put a reminder in your calendar and do it like 6 months from now.
Maybe I'm a little anxious, but I got my first tinder match yesterday and this girl don't talk so much lol almost 5 or 6 hours after the match just got an answer from my typical hi and few chat and she went missing again.
Her profile says she is a nurse, so maybe her time is kinda limited and she was in work at Sunday in the night. I will wait how the things come, though, and I would be so happy if something can happen of this
Her profile says she is a nurse, so maybe her time is kinda limited and she was in work at Sunday in the night. I will wait how the things come, though, and I would be so happy if something can happen of this
Careful, you are already being overinvested in someone you don't know yet. Just relax and have fun, and try not to fixate on her or the response speed.
Yeah you need to relax a little if you can. I'm lucky if I meet maybe 10% of the girls I match with on tinder. Don't consider it a thing until you've actually gone on the first date. Anything before that isn't real.
Excited for OT6
n64coder
Member
I thought this was great. But I'll defer to the new thread creator's wish.
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