Why does she want to get married so urgently? It's not like I'm rich and can take care of all her problems? Don't you want to "get married" because you finally found someone you love? This feels like a "insert man here" thing to me
Personally I think a lot of the time, the desire to get married and/or have kids can stem from the idea that things will be better. It's an irrational feeling, but it's one that many of us probably understand, albeit with different things.
Things will be better when I get that car. Things will be better when I get the promotion. When I get the new Xbox. Things will be better when X and Y, are ways we look forward, and for people who are not certain what they want, or why they are unhappy it can be a powerful behavioral tool.
I have a friend who is clinically depressed, has been unemployed for years, have anxiety and difficulty leaving the house, and he desperately wants a kid because he says that is what he needs and then things will be great. That will be what will whip him into shape.
I've questioned my friend if the lifestyle changes he desires by bringing in a child into the world (which is an enormous responsibility) is the consequence he needs to seek a better life and to fight his demon.
He admitted to me that he didn't want to die alone and since he was 35 and felt he was getting old, and his GF was the same age, this would be the last chance for him to be a father.
We all have ideas from childhood and later in where we have shaped an internal idea of what we desire. Sometimes we forget it when growing into adulthood and subconsciously are responding in seemingly strange ways to move towards that goal, but sometimes that is counter-productive. You see people self-sabotage themselves in their lives because they are afraid of what they really want, or they don't know what they want. / The Notebook-ish "what do you want? What the fuck do you want!?" and she hilariously cannot spill the beans what she wants. Aimless, uncertain and directionless can be a mental torture and make you propelled to do things on the fly. From getting a burger king tattoo on the tip of your dick ("the king") to getting married to getting a pit bull to having a disgusting orgy with 3 insane clown pose members at a handicap toilet at a festival.
When I read this thread I was thinking about those pop songs like Katy Perry Hot'n Cold and perhaps almost all of Taylor Swifts discography. And I don't think this is that uncommon. I don't think manufactured drama is all that rare. I think a massive group of people thrive and live their relationships on drama. the good and the bad times, with expectations feeling up every nook and cranny because of these expectations. This is what I want, this is what I deserve, this is what I expect, and anyone who says otherwise is a red flag wearing son of a bitch who can get fucked and put down behind the barn.
I've never heard of someone asking someone else for more love and then feeling that it has been given. You are not being given love. It's given to you. Involuntarily of you and them. Love is not a valve you turn and off. You don't decide who you are affectious towards.
That is why you see the most amazing people being hopeless in love with people who are objective and quantifyingly undeserving and unappreciative of their love in accordance to what they give back. No relationship is ever 1:1 on what is being given and taken, and if it is, then I'd have to think that people are giving and taking based on what the other person gives and take.
If people love you, they will love you. Look at their actions for how they feel. that's what dictates how they feel about you. Nobody will give you more love in asking for it. It's akin to walking up to a random person and asking them to please fall in love with you. < This is of course talking about romantic love. The brain chemistry induced lust that passes with time.
But being considerate, appreciative, attentive and grateful towards someone else are voluntarily ways of showing love, and everyone can do those. Even towards people they are not in relationship with, and that is something we can all practice more off.
The big problem and cog in the wheel is when people desire the things they cannot have and will seek out people playing hard to get. The game or the secret or some other doctrine or trickery system of inducing a sense of making people chase you by negging them and self-asserting yourself as better, is an effective ego booster for the self but also douchey way to act towards other.
Going back to my original point with feeding on drama, women can also do this, but probably not as men, at least in the desire to get laid, but just to feel wanted, important and validated, having lesser hopeless men kiss your unique snowflaked ass because you're way to good for these beings.
Regardless of the motivation this is not something that is good for relationships where one person is trying to have a honest working relationship. They are just roadkill and being sucked into this toxic vortex of another persons motives. We all come with red flags and we all do our best to not annoy our partners (or anyone else we interact with) but these styles of behavioral patterns are something else.