Marvel14
Banned
Hello GAF! Going out on a limb with my first thread. Hope it works! If you're a 'fanboy' stop reading and hit the back button immediately. This Thread is Not Safe For Fanboys. You have been warned.
As someone who loves and appreciates all 3 console makers (and owns their consoles) I thought it would be fun to poke fun at all three in a single thread. Please feel free to add your own in the thread and I'll archive a list. If the thread catches on we could even vote on and create a GAF top ten put downs list for each company.
Nintendo
1. A plumber made of rubbber, an elf, a gorilla, a woman in a space suit, a weird alien-looking blob and several princesses- are you a kinkier post new age Village People or Peter Jackson, George Lucas and Marvel collaborating on their fantasy orgy?
2. Your company's so old, its most beloved mascots are actual dinosaurs.
3. Switch? The brand is literally telling me to take my gaming elsewhere.
4. Is as much a commitaphobe as a slimy, self serving lobbyist: it brands itself as sometimes blue, sometimes red and never fully commits to either.
5.Joy-con is also the codeword the online porn industry uses for those "pay to view" wallet fleecing services on porn sites.
6. The names of its last 2 consoles were literally " take a piss" and " take a piss you"
7. They came up with the name Labo because Lame-o was already taken.
8. The company's brand ambassador is an attention addicted "plumber"moonlighting as a promiscuous prostitute who "Let's a-go" himself on anything that makes a quick buck...
Don't believe me?
He's been physical with: Daisy, Peach, Pauline, Rosalina, Yoshi
He hawks all manner of fetishes: Golf, Kart , Tennis, Party, Paint, Dr, Hotel, running
And promotes all places types: Paper, Land, World, Galaxy, Odyssey,
And a dizzying array of numbers that must be code for sexual shit: 2, 3, 3D, 64, 4 to 10....
9. Legend of Zelda should be renamed Legend of Deja: Vu.
10. Nintendoom is a cooler name for a firm.
11. I dont know what's been more frozen and plagued by power cuts in 2020-21: Texas in February or Nintendo all year.
12. The Switch is so underpowered it thinks anti aliasing is a TV show.
13. The Mario movie and Nintendo theme parks are how Nintendo is letting its fans know that it's "getting too old for this making videogames shit".
14. Nintendo expects to flog the Switch for such a long time, that its support includes helping it apply for a pension.
XBOX
1. Box phonetically backwards spells S.O.B: ie.the act of bursting into tears and/or an acronym for an asshole. Take your pick.
2. Green is the colour of envy, puke and bile too.
3. Rare? You mean like a AAA MS exclusive?
4. 360, 1, 1X, S, X? someone's got some serious numeracy issues.
5. 360,1, 1X, S, X? Is this code for ' I hate making videogames?'
6. That start up sound you hear is your XBSX convincing you it's not spying on you when it's 'off'.
7. Any company with "micro" in its name has serious self esteem issues.
8. An office software company making videogame hardware is like an office interior designer building an avante guarde artist's house - boring, slow and a massive let down.
9. It takes saints a lifetime to earn a Halo- still less time than its taken Halo 6 to be released.
10. " X" in Mexican Spanish literally means "i don't care".
11.Series S AND X? They just need Series E now and they'll have the perfect neon sign to attract all the world's incels.
12. The Series X box looks like a radioactive waste disposal system.
13. Microsoft is so proud of making its users wait for software that it forces all companies it acquires to do the same.
14. Microsoft is so bad at making videogames it buys videogame software giants just to make them worse so that it looks better in comparison.
SONY
1 Rhymes with Phony
2. "Sonny" is how you refer to someone you think is inferior- no wonder the company's fans have a massive complex.
3. Playstation sounds like Staycation which is all we bloody did during covid lockdown.
4. The company can count to 5: Big woop.
5. Those kindergarten shapes on the controller buttons? It's Sony subliminally taking the piss out of its own users by saying to them "you're so immature."
6. Fuck the colour blue. 2020 was depressing enough already.
7. That start up sound? It's the company's Astrobot farting in your ear.
8.Naughty Dog is how deviants describe a sex addicted leg humper who's into even weirder shit.
9. Covid 19 was inspired by and aspires to have the same impact as the Last of Us : Thanks. A. Lot. for putting that idea into the universe.
10. Knack, Ratchet, Klank ...are these videogames or sounds the console makes when it dies on you?
11. Sony Vita and PSVR are the epítome of "the Customer always pays " tech snobbery: :charge your customers an arm and a leg, keep the userbase gimped and then crash and burn the platform.
12. It's easier to see a Polar Bear in Arizona than a PS5 in a Best Buy.
13. Dual Sense or NonSense? Another nice to have gimmick that will get forgotten about halfway through the generation.
14 PS5 and PSVR2 will cost around a grand all told. If that doesn't scream "elitist" and "we don't want working class riff-raff as customers ", I don't know what does.
15. Is it me or does the PS5 look like two high tech Japanese toilet lids sandwiching a plastic dookie? I know avant garde art pieces are considered cool but still....
As someone who loves and appreciates all 3 console makers (and owns their consoles) I thought it would be fun to poke fun at all three in a single thread. Please feel free to add your own in the thread and I'll archive a list. If the thread catches on we could even vote on and create a GAF top ten put downs list for each company.
Nintendo
1. A plumber made of rubbber, an elf, a gorilla, a woman in a space suit, a weird alien-looking blob and several princesses- are you a kinkier post new age Village People or Peter Jackson, George Lucas and Marvel collaborating on their fantasy orgy?
2. Your company's so old, its most beloved mascots are actual dinosaurs.
3. Switch? The brand is literally telling me to take my gaming elsewhere.
4. Is as much a commitaphobe as a slimy, self serving lobbyist: it brands itself as sometimes blue, sometimes red and never fully commits to either.
5.Joy-con is also the codeword the online porn industry uses for those "pay to view" wallet fleecing services on porn sites.
6. The names of its last 2 consoles were literally " take a piss" and " take a piss you"
7. They came up with the name Labo because Lame-o was already taken.
8. The company's brand ambassador is an attention addicted "plumber"moonlighting as a promiscuous prostitute who "Let's a-go" himself on anything that makes a quick buck...
Don't believe me?
He's been physical with: Daisy, Peach, Pauline, Rosalina, Yoshi
He hawks all manner of fetishes: Golf, Kart , Tennis, Party, Paint, Dr, Hotel, running
And promotes all places types: Paper, Land, World, Galaxy, Odyssey,
And a dizzying array of numbers that must be code for sexual shit: 2, 3, 3D, 64, 4 to 10....
9. Legend of Zelda should be renamed Legend of Deja: Vu.
10. Nintendoom is a cooler name for a firm.
11. I dont know what's been more frozen and plagued by power cuts in 2020-21: Texas in February or Nintendo all year.
12. The Switch is so underpowered it thinks anti aliasing is a TV show.
13. The Mario movie and Nintendo theme parks are how Nintendo is letting its fans know that it's "getting too old for this making videogames shit".
14. Nintendo expects to flog the Switch for such a long time, that its support includes helping it apply for a pension.
XBOX
1. Box phonetically backwards spells S.O.B: ie.the act of bursting into tears and/or an acronym for an asshole. Take your pick.
2. Green is the colour of envy, puke and bile too.
3. Rare? You mean like a AAA MS exclusive?
4. 360, 1, 1X, S, X? someone's got some serious numeracy issues.
5. 360,1, 1X, S, X? Is this code for ' I hate making videogames?'
6. That start up sound you hear is your XBSX convincing you it's not spying on you when it's 'off'.
7. Any company with "micro" in its name has serious self esteem issues.
8. An office software company making videogame hardware is like an office interior designer building an avante guarde artist's house - boring, slow and a massive let down.
9. It takes saints a lifetime to earn a Halo- still less time than its taken Halo 6 to be released.
10. " X" in Mexican Spanish literally means "i don't care".
11.Series S AND X? They just need Series E now and they'll have the perfect neon sign to attract all the world's incels.
12. The Series X box looks like a radioactive waste disposal system.
13. Microsoft is so proud of making its users wait for software that it forces all companies it acquires to do the same.
14. Microsoft is so bad at making videogames it buys videogame software giants just to make them worse so that it looks better in comparison.
SONY
1 Rhymes with Phony
2. "Sonny" is how you refer to someone you think is inferior- no wonder the company's fans have a massive complex.
3. Playstation sounds like Staycation which is all we bloody did during covid lockdown.
4. The company can count to 5: Big woop.
5. Those kindergarten shapes on the controller buttons? It's Sony subliminally taking the piss out of its own users by saying to them "you're so immature."
6. Fuck the colour blue. 2020 was depressing enough already.
7. That start up sound? It's the company's Astrobot farting in your ear.
8.Naughty Dog is how deviants describe a sex addicted leg humper who's into even weirder shit.
9. Covid 19 was inspired by and aspires to have the same impact as the Last of Us : Thanks. A. Lot. for putting that idea into the universe.
10. Knack, Ratchet, Klank ...are these videogames or sounds the console makes when it dies on you?
11. Sony Vita and PSVR are the epítome of "the Customer always pays " tech snobbery: :charge your customers an arm and a leg, keep the userbase gimped and then crash and burn the platform.
12. It's easier to see a Polar Bear in Arizona than a PS5 in a Best Buy.
13. Dual Sense or NonSense? Another nice to have gimmick that will get forgotten about halfway through the generation.
14 PS5 and PSVR2 will cost around a grand all told. If that doesn't scream "elitist" and "we don't want working class riff-raff as customers ", I don't know what does.
15. Is it me or does the PS5 look like two high tech Japanese toilet lids sandwiching a plastic dookie? I know avant garde art pieces are considered cool but still....
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