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[Shrap]

After the success of my previous thread instructing certain people to jump off a bridge I've decided to expand with a list of things you shouldn't do if you want to attract men with your profile.


-Star sign bullshit. Astrology is for idiots. If you want to attract a dumbass then feel free to ignore this one.

-Myers-Briggs personality junk. Once again it is bullshit pseudoscience. 99% of men who see your DATS (Dumb Ass That's Stupid) acronym don't even know what it means and don't care. Get rid of it.

-Yoga. Men don't care about yoga, and if they do they are either lying or they are one of those weird cult manbun wankers that you should probably avoid if you don't want to end up in a sexual abuse cult or a kool aid poisoning event.

-Brunch. We get it, you are middle/upper class and like boring social settings with overpriced tiny meals where you can snap photos for social media and look like you are someone. Men don't care. Plus brunch is the whitest word and concept in the known universe so you are also a white supremacist. Congratulations.

-I'm an easy going gal. Are you? Why do you have to go out of your way to point it out then? That makes us think you are probably about as easy going as a flintstones car with square wheels.

-Pictures with your more attractive friend(s). What are you doing? You just decreased your attractiveness and set a trap making us think you were the better looking one. Try hanging out with your uglier friends more and get in some good snaps. Pro tip: For an extra boost go out drinking with your friends but stay sober while they slam down cocktails and shots. Wait until they reach the point where their eyes start blinking independently and get a few photos in. Their inevitable "12 rounds with Mike Tyson" look will be sure to make your beauty shine.

-Multiple intimate photos with pets. Cats specifically. You have become the crazy cat lady. We'll be able to tell you are very single and find your only solace in the company of your feline companions. You probably refer to them as your children and kiss them on the lips. You've already found your (poor) soulmate(s) and we are staying the hell out of that house fire.

-Proud feminist/LGBT ally/Intersectional idiot etc... The ultimate air raid siren. Expect no men to go near you, only soy goblins without chins. When guys read this in your bio they get the same nauseating feeling you get when a man says he is an "intellectual atheist" or "anime enthusiast". Do not do this unless you want to completely obliterate your dating life.


Thank you for your time and I hope this has helped you move closer to creating the ultimate profile for online dating.

Your loving friend,
Shrap.

 

[Contica]

Agreed, but you're dead wrong about yoga.

Yoga girls more often than not have great bodies. And have a higher chance of actually maintaining their great bodies after initiating a relationship.

If girl in question has pictures doing yoga poses. Great, that means she probably does yoga instead of just bragging about it.

Also, they're bendy.

 

[Coolwhhip]

"Dating tips by a 40 year old virgin"

 

[womfalcs3]

Agreed, but you're dead wrong about yoga.

Yoga girls more often than not have great bodies. And have a higher chance of actually maintaining their great bodies after initiating a relationship.

If girl in question has pictures doing yoga poses. Great, that means she probably does yoga instead of just bragging about it.

Also, they're bendy.

I agree. Yoga is important because it indicates flexibility in bed.

 

[Stilton Disco]

Firstly, fuck you and your anti brunch bullshit.

Secondly, as Contica pointed out, Yoga practitioning girls are generally the best way to guarantee a fit, supple and health conscious woman without them being all scrawny and lacking fat in the places you want it to be.

Otherwise yeah, I pretty much agree that that's a good lists of don'ts.

This is probably one of the worst websites to post it on for it's intended audience mind you.

 

[Whitecrow]

I think we need another thread for guys.
Girls have it easy enough....

 

[royox]

you want to attract men with your profile.

Men don't care about profile, we care about the photos. Would fuck and won't fuck. That's it.

 

[brap]

Yoga is fucking retarded and op is cool in my book. Enjoy your "flexible" yoga bitches that have bodies of 13 year old boys

 

[nush]

I've decided to expand with a list of things you shouldn't do if you want to attract men with your profile.

Women don't have problems attracting men in online dating. This list reads like a how to make women more attractive to you list.

 

[Whitecrow]

Men don't care about profile, we care about the photos. Would fuck and won't fuck. That's it.

Girls dont believe this. Maybe a lot of guys do, but some dont.

 

[triplestation]

I wish brunch was a person so I can punch them in the face

 

[EviLore]

Yoga is fucking retarded and op is cool in my book. Enjoy your "flexible" yoga bitches that have bodies of 13 year old boys

Mm, nope.

 

[Yoshi]

-Yoga. Men don't care about yoga, and if they do they are either lying or they are one of those weird cult manbun wankers that you should probably avoid if you don't want to end up in a sexual abuse cult or a kool aid poisoning event.

I cannot agree. Yoga is good for flexibility and core strength. Both can be advantageous to activities partners may be interested in having together.

 

[royox]

Girls dont believe this. Maybe a lot of guys do, but some dont.

The guys that don't are 'friendzone material'. Life is short, time is precious and there's millions of girls profiles, no time to waste reading profiles or bios. Most women swipes left at 99,99% guys they see on those apps, you shouldn't lose a second of your life reading a bio of a woman that surely gave you or will givr you a "nope".

Of course when you got the match its the moment when you read that to see what are you dealing with. Also to find "weapons" to start a conversation. Women have millions of matches and you can't be another of the millions "hi!" That she got that day.

I have spoken.

 

[Papa]

lold hard at chinless soy goblins

 

[Thaedolus]

Yoga is great for women wtf is you even saying. Also brunch is awesome too, you never had a spicy Bloody Mary at 10AM on a Sunday with a bunch of breakfast food to ward off a hangover?

Sorry you’re poor and like fat chicks I guess

 

[Whitecrow]

The guys that don't are 'friendzone material'. Life is short, time is precious and there's millions of girls profiles, no time to waste reading profiles or bios. Most women swipes left at 99,99% guys they see on those apps, you shouldn't lose a second of your life reading a bio of a woman that surely gave you or will givr you a "nope".

Of course when you got the match its the moment when you read that to see what are you dealing with. Also to find "weapons" to start a conversation. Women have millions of matches and you can't be another of the millions "hi!" That she got that day.

I have spoken.

Thats certainly true.

But man do I hate being judged only for saying 'hii!', even if I avoid it when I can...

 

[royox]

Thats certainly true.

But man do I hate being judged only for saying 'hii!', even if I avoid it when I can...

That's how life goes my friend. We are fishes in a tank full of other fishes, you have to be somehow diferent to catch the attention.

 

[Stilton Disco]

That's how life goes my friend. We are fishes in a tank full of other fishes, you have to be somehow diferent to catch the attention.

But also not too different, because that's off putting as well.

There is a very narrow overlap between 'stands out from the crowd' and 'is normal' that you generally want to aim for.

 

[Macapala]

Men don't care about profile, we care about the photos. Would fuck and won't fuck. That's it.

Ya know, some men aren't shallow fucks and are actually looking for more in a relationship than just sex, right?

 

[nush]

Thats certainly true.

But man do I hate being judged only for saying 'hii!', even if I avoid it when I can...

Hi
Hi
Hi
Hey
Hello
You're beautiful
Hi
Hey
What's Up?
Hi
Hey There
Chocolate Rainbow Unicorn
Hi
Hey babe
WOW!
Hi
Hello
We Matched
Introduction
Nice to meet you
Hi
Hey

Absolute pro-tip here guys, someone told me this years ago and it's super effective. Guess which message gets at least read if not replied to?

 

[Grinchy]

Instead of saying hi, I open with something like, "Don't worry, the delivery of toys for the children's hospital is on its way!" And then I send another message immediately saying, "Oops, sorry. I thought I was texting the lady from the hospital where I do charity work for children with leukemia."

60% of the time, it works every time

 

[royox]

Ya know, some men aren't shallow fucks and are actually looking for more in a relationship than just sex, right?

But you will agree with me that no man want a relationship with a woman he doesn't find hot. Right?

 

[Whitecrow]

Well, this certainly got me to understand something... thank you fellow gaffers < 3

 

[royox]

Instead of saying hi, I open with something like, "Don't worry, the delivery of toys for the children's hospital is on its way!" And then I send another message immediately saying, "Oops, sorry. I thought I was texting the lady from the hospital where I do charity work for children with leukemia."

60% of the time, it works every time

There was a time i started opening with something like "wish I could tell you how beautiful you are...but beauty is inside and I have never been inside of you ".

Hey, it works more or less 2 of every 10 times but it's a 100% chance you will have sex if it works xD

 

[nush]

But you will agree with me that no man want a relationship with a woman he doesn't find hot. Right?

"Hotness" is a very poor metric for a suitable relationship.

 

[royox]

"Hotness" is a very poor metric for a suitable relationship.

And that's why I used the verb "want" .

Also for me is mandatory. Can't have a proper love relationship if the woman doesn't turn me on. Will always find something is missing.

 

[Schrödinger's cat]

Dating has changed since the "I bet you 50p I can make your tits move without touching them" days of my youth.

 

[Macapala]

But you will agree with me that no man want a relationship with a woman he doesn't find hot. Right?

Yes, I suppose there has to be some physical attraction.

All I'm saying is there is more to a relationship than just physical attraction, and it's not at the top of every man's "ideal partner" list.

 

[royox]

Yes, I suppose there has to be some physical attraction.

All I'm saying is there is more to a relationship than just physical attraction, and it's not at the top of every man's "ideal partner" list.

I completely agree with that.

 

[Mista]

Tips and tricks for a dating app? It’s the shittiest thing I have ever seen in my life. Those “dating apps” are a waste of time

 

[royox]

Tips and tricks for a dating app? It’s the shittiest thing I have ever seen in my life. Those “dating apps” are a waste of time

Got my current gf on tinder and I've never been happier with a woman

 

[Mista]

Got my current gf on tinder and I've never been happier with a woman

I’m glad it worked out for you. Wish you both a happy life together

 

[Macapala]

Tips and tricks for a dating app? It’s the shittiest thing I have ever seen in my life. Those “dating apps” are a waste of time

Met my current girlfriend on Hinge.

 

[Mista]

Met my current girlfriend on Hinge.

It’s not really about finding someone. It’s about if that someone are really who they claim or the real face gets revealed later on in the relationship. I wish you also a happy one

 

[Sybb]

Considering men aren't exactly picky when it comes to women, I would say none of those points apply - except maybe the last one. It's easy to sit behind your computer, acting as if you set the bar high, but when these men are approached by pretty much any flirty woman, they'll change their behaviour on the spot. Women are way more picky and have way higher standards, most likely due to them getting pregant (for them it's risky, for men it's not).

 

[Coolwhhip]

Dating has changed since the "I bet you 50p I can make your tits move without touching them" days of my youth.

How did you do it?

 

[Makariel]

-Yoga. Men don't care about yoga, and if they do they are either lying or they are one of those weird cult manbun wankers that you should probably avoid if you don't want to end up in a sexual abuse cult or a kool aid poisoning event.

You're dead wrong.

-Brunch. We get it, you are middle/upper class and like boring social settings with overpriced tiny meals where you can snap photos for social media and look like you are someone. Men don't care. Plus brunch is the whitest word and concept in the known universe so you are also a white supremacist. Congratulations.

What a bunch of nonsense. Brunch is what you have on a Sunday with a drink or two because you went out on Saturday and you want to keep the level of alcohol on a high enough level so that you don't feel the hangover just yet.

-Multiple intimate photos with pets. Cats specifically.

Yeah that is a red flag alright

Thank you for your time and I hope this has helped you move closer to creating the ultimate profile for online dating.

Who really reads the dating profile of a woman other than sad virgins who think the reason they don't get laid is some sort of international conspiracy?

 

[Schrödinger's cat]

How did you do it?

Paid them 50p.

 

[Nester99]

Op has never touched a titty with any part of his body besides and elbow.

 

[CasperDarling]

I agree about the pics with hotter friends. Anytime some girl posts a group pic with other girl friends she is the ugly one 100 times out of 100.

You also forgot to add "Not here for a hook up"....Bullshit. That's the entire point of these apps

 

[nush]

Tips and tricks for a dating app? It’s the shittiest thing I have ever seen in my life. Those “dating apps” are a waste of time

Although age and location are a factor for the rate of success, most men saying this is because of shitty profile pictures and messaging.

 

[Azzurri]

You forgot Wonderlust/World traveler/visited 23545 Countries

 

[Mista]

Although age and location are a factor for the rate of success, most men saying this is because of shitty profile pictures and messaging.

I never bothered as I saw my friends trying a lot.

 

[nush]

I never bothered as I saw my friends trying a lot.

Figures.

 

[Mista]

Figures.

But is this the best way for meeting a woman?

 

[nush]

But is this the best way for meeting a woman?

It's only ONE of the ways and it's best to use all the tools you have available to achieve your goal.

 

[Shizumapower]

-Yoga. Men don't care about yoga, and if they do they are either lying or they are one of those weird cult manbun wankers that you should probably avoid if you don't want to end up in a sexual abuse cult or a kool aid poisoning event.

-Brunch. We get it, you are middle/upper class and like boring social settings with overpriced tiny meals where you can snap photos for social media and look like you are someone. Men don't care. Plus brunch is the whitest word and concept in the known universe so you are also a white supremacist. Congratulations.

Brunch is the best kept secret in America. Not during the work week. Just do Sunday Brunch.

Yoga? this is what you want!

Here is a perfect example of it being done correctly.

This is not correct, but lets watch.

 

[Super Mario]

I also strongly disagree with the yoga one. I mean, you'll never find me in a yoga class. No matter how many times people try to trick you online into believing fat girls are attractive, they are not, especially as they age. A woman motivated to care for her body is a super important trait. No woman in her 40s+ gets more looks than one who still looks good in yoga pants. Prove me wrong.

I like brunch, but I get your point. I'm not looking to drop $50+ on a breakfast (none of which you will finish) so you can snap your mimosa.

The most cringe-worthy things you missed are as follows:
- I need a man who does X
- ANYTHING stating her political affiliation with the left
- Single moms

Those are all red flags to stay away. If you refuse to listen to that warning, the rest is on you.

 

[nush]

- Single moms

Single moms does have some nuance to it. Teenage single mom, multiple kids different dad are red flags. Older single mom, one kid age in double digits is usually safe.