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[CNBC] 43% of adults say they have financially cheated on their partner

Maiden Voyage

Gold™ Member

Have you always been financially faithful in your relationships?
If the answer is no, you’re not alone.
Some 43% of adults with combined finances in a relationship said they’ve committed an act of financial deception, according to a poll from the National Endowment for Financial Education.
Financial deception ranges from lying to your partner or spouse about money to hiding things such as cash, bills or a purchase, according to the report. The survey of more than 2,000 adults was conducted online by The Harris Poll in June.
Money is often a reason for stress in relationships and is even a leading cause of divorce. That may be because it’s a difficult subject to broach.
“As a society, we talk about money with the assumption that everyone starts at the same place in terms of understanding, and that is very untrue,” said Billy Hensley, president and CEO of the National Endowment for Financial Education, adding that this can make discussions about debt, saving and spending more uncomfortable.
“At the foundation of it is that we don’t provide enough financial education in schools or in any other venues so people have the confidence necessary to approach these topics early on,” he said.

Why people commit financial infidelities

The survey found that most deceptions happen for a few main reasons. Thirty-eight percent felt that some aspects of money should remain private, 34% had discussed finances but thought their partner would disapprove and another 33% were too afraid or embarrassed about their finances to speak about it.
Of the couples who had experienced financial deception, 42% said that it resulted in a fight. Others said that the event eroded trust and privacy, led to separation of finances or triggered the termination of the relationship altogether.
To be sure, some respondents were able to use a financial infidelity to make their relationship stronger — 19% said they were closer after, and 16% said the deception helped them communicate more proactively later.

Check in with your partner or spouse about money

If you have committed financial infidelity, it’s probably best to come clean to your spouse or partner as soon as you can, said Hensley. That way, you can work through the issue together.
“Maybe it’s time to recalibrate your financial relationship and say, ‘you know what, this hasn’t worked too well for us, is there a way we should do this that’s better for us?’” Hensley said.
It may also be a good idea to work with a financial therapist or coach to have a neutral third party that can help you talk about money, Hensley said.
To avoid financial issues in a relationship, couples should discuss how they’d like to combine — or not combine — their finances before doing so, or before deciding to cohabitate.
It’s important that people realize that there is not one way for couples to manage money. Some experts recommend that committed partners keep some aspects of their finances separate.
For example, Suze Orman, a personal finance expert and the host of the “Women and Money” podcast, has never had a joint bank account with her partner of more than 20 years.
“You have to have money of your own, the last thing you want to do is have to ask permission,” said Orman. “You might have a joint account, for joint expenses, but then you each need your own individual account.”
Couples should also discuss their financial goals and make sure they’re on the same page — and check in regularly to track their progress as they work towards those goals.
“If you have shared goals and you’ve talked about the distribution of how you cover your bills and so forth, it takes a level of pressure off to be able to start your relationship or to be able to heal within your relationship,” said Hensley.

I have not experienced this myself. My wife and I started our relationship very open with each other as be were both quite poor and in debt with student loans. We came up with a game plan and continue to review our finances monthly. Transparency & planning are key for us but I know from friends and family that we seem to be outliers at least anecdotally.
 
I'll never have joined accounts. We both make good money, and about the same amount of money. We just talk through things and split whatever we split. Having your own money isn't infidelity.

It's just one more thing to argue about if they can spy on every little thing you buy. I don't see it helping anything.
 

Con-Z-epT

Gold Member
Interesting as i would have thought the number is lower. Much lower.

I have always been open to my partner about how much i earn and we usually throw the money together equally for our everyday use even if we don't spend it equally. I think this is very important for a healthy relationship. But as the younger generation tends to be more self-centered this seems like a side effect to me.
 

Con-Z-epT

Gold Member
I'll never have joined accounts. We both make good money, and about the same amount of money. We just talk through things and split whatever we split. Having your own money isn't infidelity.

It's just one more thing to argue about if they can spy on every little thing you buy. I don't see it helping anything.
Depends on the personality of each individual and may not make much sense in an early relationship but once you are married i don't see a problem with united finances. By then you should know the person. And after all you committed the rest of your life to her / him so why make an exception for the money?
 

poppabk

Member
Financially unfaithful seems a stretch. I have definitely disguised the cost of a computer upgrade by spreading it around different cards so each component was separate. I have also been dietarily unfaithful, numerous times with numerous cheap fast food floozies. I've been sleep unfaithful, both saying I got sleep when I didn't and taking a nap when I said I was awake.
I've never fucked another woman while we were together though.
 

Maiden Voyage

Gold™ Member
I'll never have joined accounts. We both make good money, and about the same amount of money. We just talk through things and split whatever we split. Having your own money isn't infidelity.

It's just one more thing to argue about if they can spy on every little thing you buy. I don't see it helping anything.
They asked only those with joint accounts. It’s not ‘cheating’ if you both agree to a system and stick with it.
 

Termite

Member
Financial cheating is such a bullshit term.

You can have a successful relationship where both parties keep their finances entirely to themselves. It's not integral to a relationship at all. You can't have a successful monogamous relationship where parties are cheating sexually.

Even if the finances are shared, if a GF said to me "I spent $5,000 of your money without telling you" I'd be like "Fuck, we need to talk about this" and see if it could be rectified, whereas if she was like "I had sex with X" there would be zero discussion, and she'd shortly find herself flat on her ass outside the front door. Cheating is cheating. Whatever this is isn't.
 

NickFire

Member
Depends on the personality of each individual and may not make much sense in an early relationship but once you are married i don't see a problem with united finances. By then you should know the person. And after all you committed the rest of your life to her / him so why make an exception for the money?
My opinion is there is nothing wrong with having separate accounts by itself. But going into marriage believing that is how it should be for control, trust issues, etc., is kind of having one foot out the door. And that is a slippery slope.

Also, having separate accounts by itself does not protect a single penny at the time of divorce. A lot of people don't understand this for some reason.
 

Con-Z-epT

Gold Member
My opinion is there is nothing wrong with having separate accounts by itself. But going into marriage believing that is how it should be for control, trust issues, etc., is kind of having one foot out the door. And that is a slippery slope.

Also, having separate accounts by itself does not protect a single penny at the time of divorce. A lot of people don't understand this for some reason.
Of course both ways can work just fine and it is up to each individual and their relationship to find out what works for them. I never had problems in sharing money with the girls i'm with, although i was always a bit sceptical about this. But time showed that i always piced trustworthy women. I never had joint accounts but to me it always feels like it.
 
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p_xavier

Authorized Fister
I'll never have joined accounts. We both make good money, and about the same amount of money. We just talk through things and split whatever we split. Having your own money isn't infidelity.

It's just one more thing to argue about if they can spy on every little thing you buy. I don't see it helping anything.
My parents have a joint account for common expenses and separate accounts for their own expenses. I think financial independence is a must.
 

fatty

Member
When we were younger, and I was the only one making an income (because we decided to homeschool and she stayed home with the kids), we had to work harder to live within a set budget.

Now that the kids are older and we both have jobs, it Is a lot easier. We don’t live by a strict budget, but we both know what we should typically spend per month. Larger purchases we always discuss beforehand.

There is no his or her money.
 
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Pagusas

Elden Member
weird.... like we have joint finances, but I handle all of it in terms of monitoring and budgeting, its never once been a problem. But we both make good money, so maybe that plays a part in it. If we want something we buy it. If its a big item like 5k or more, than we'll talk about it for a brief second to let the other know its happening, but that's it.
 

Kenpachii

Member
both our own bank account and 1 shared bank account with a saving account on it.

Basically what we need to pay for stuff like monthly costs goes to the shared, personal bank account gets half of the money we make each to have our own money so we don't have to constantly nag eachother. If things are decided that costs more together one will just pay it then the other depends etc. Never really much of a talking point however.
 
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Not married, but gf and I have seperate accounts and one shared account with which we pay all our bills. Each of us basically does whatever the fuck we want with our money. We only talk about bigger purchases where it makes sense that we split the bill anyway (like a new sofa).
 
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nush

Gold Member
I've witnessed too many problems with people having joint accounts, one partner spending whats in there on an impulse. On the other hand I wouldn't want to have to call in to buy something either. Home finances should be treated like a business, you agree what you each are responsible for paying and work together on the big purchases.

After that what money you each have you can save or spend as you see fit.
 

Dural

Member
weird.... like we have joint finances, but I handle all of it in terms of monitoring and budgeting, its never once been a problem. But we both make good money, so maybe that plays a part in it. If we want something we buy it. If its a big item like 5k or more, than we'll talk about it for a brief second to let the other know its happening, but that's it.

Yeah, me and wife are similar but our accounts are separate. We went to join them after we got married, but after talking to the bank it just made sense to keep them separate but link them. She has access to mine and I have access to hers at anytime through the banks app for transferring money and seeing purchases. She pays for the mortgage and her car and I pay for my car and everything else. Most big purchases are talked about, though she trusts me to find the best deal when it's something like a car, furniture, vacations, etc...
 
I'll never have joined accounts. We both make good money, and about the same amount of money. We just talk through things and split whatever we split. Having your own money isn't infidelity.

It's just one more thing to argue about if they can spy on every little thing you buy. I don't see it helping anything.
Depends on whether you can agree together on spending habits. Me wife and I are very frugal generally. We both live very comfortably within our means. When one of us wants to buy something that’s more than a couple hundred dollars, all we have to do is run it by the other person, but it’s never a problem. We have a very solid savings that neither of us touches and we don’t blow money. So sharing accounts is not a problem for us and it allows for a certain amount of openness that we appreciate.

But for people who fight about spending, separate accounts are probably best.
 

MachRc

Member
I am financially cheating on my wife,
no thanks to this forums and its sonydirect thread..(yeah blame this forum, that what cheaters do, deflect)

I have been hiding this ginormous huge box in my garage for about 4 days now...(its a huge bi***)

I will come clean soon, but I am worried she is going to say that I dont even play enough Series X to warrant another Console.
or worse,

call me a sony-p***
 

nush

Gold Member
I am financially cheating on my wife,
no thanks to this forums and its sonydirect thread..(yeah blame this forum, that what cheaters do, deflect)

I have been hiding this ginormous huge box in my garage for about 4 days now...(its a huge bi***)

I will come clean soon, but I am worried she is going to say that I dont even play enough Series X to warrant another Console.
or worse,

call me a sony-p***
Digital is a godsend for the missus not noticing you've brought a new game.
 

MachRc

Member
Digital is a godsend for the missus not noticing you've brought a new game.
I figured I can just buy used games on DISC after a few months of them being out. Like a poor on ebay.
spiderman m, ratchet, ghost of S.

That was the main reason to go disc.
The psONE and ps2 slim was my last sony console purchases, the disc version seemed like a good fit.

It is true
I barely got to play the new beta Halo Multi
less than I have played the last flight. Got all set with my little brother and my son to play halo multi beta together
to find out I cant cross-play with Steam version
 

Ballthyrm

Member
With the mariage laws you have in the USA I can understand it.
When even with a prenup you get screwed over in a divorce.

The 50-50 split we often see is pure insanity.

As for money , it's not complicated, get a shared account.
Each tranfert an agreed amount onto it every month.
When you want to buy your own stuff, you use your own account, simple.
 
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MacReady13

Member
My wife and I share our account. No issues. I look over the banking and I don't spy on what she buys (especially come birthday and xmas times) so we don't have an issue. I don't really care if my wife buys things for herself and she is the same with me unless it's a massive spending. It's only an issue if you decide to make it an issue.
 

6502

Member
Separate accounts, you can then be generous but controlled.

In joint accounts that initial bonus spending can become a right for the other person.

Avoid. Unless your partner is wealthier, in which case... fab!
 
We do the hybrid thing. Shared accounts for all the major expenses/savings sorted first with some things we each sort on our own still and then personal accounts/cards for what is left over. I earn about double compared to the misses but it's all just "ours" anyhow. We don't bicker about finances but we're well off enough to not have to I suppose.
 

INC

Member
I split the bills 50/50 with my ex wife, found out she wasn't even paying most of the bills after she left, nice person.....
 

gimmmick

Member
Been married to my wife for 4.5 years and we still have separate bank accounts. It’s not that we don’t trust each other (she has full access to my account), we are just lazy to open another account with Bank of America. She won’t switch to chase nor will I change to Wells Fargo.
 

IntentionalPun

Ask me about my wife's perfect butthole
When even with a prenup you get screwed over in a divorce.

The 50-50 split we often see is pure insanity.

It's a 50-50 split of what is earned during the marriage (minus inheritance and things that aren't marital property.) A prenuptial "agreement" is largely just an "agreement" of what assets exist before marriage, as those aren't marital property and should not be considered during a divorce. If you have a house full of furniture, and expensive heirlooms or something, you itemize that shit, state the equity in the home, etc. and then you can show that during a divorce. You also state what you have in other assets; liquid assets, what stocks you own, what debts you may have, etc.

Beyond that it's a legal contract; that's all a marriage is to the law. You legally bind yourself as one financial entity, and a few other rights come with it (like built in power of attorney if you are a vegetable, built in inheritance, etc.) A prenup can't stop this binding from being legal; hence why you can still get "screwed", it's just the law.. you can't "pre-agree" to having someone not be owed what the legal contract of marriage stipulates.

Don't want it, don't get married... what do other countries do? They don't have the concept of "marital property?"
 
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Winter John

Member
No I don't hide my finances or my spending from my wife. I'm not a child. Neither is she. If I ever reached the stage where I was actually hiding shit from my wife, I'd fucking walk. There ain't no point in being married to someone you can't be honest with. Once that shit starts the relationship is done.
 

StreetsofBeige

Gold Member
I am financially cheating on my wife,
no thanks to this forums and its sonydirect thread..(yeah blame this forum, that what cheaters do, deflect)

I have been hiding this ginormous huge box in my garage for about 4 days now...(its a huge bi***)

I will come clean soon, but I am worried she is going to say that I dont even play enough Series X to warrant another Console.
or worse,

call me a sony-p***
Is the wife going to chew you out?

If so, might as well go hook up a TV in the garage too because that's where you're going to be playing it. lol
 

BadBurger

Gold Member
Gentlemen, watch out for those gals who want "the man to spend his money on her and the house," meanwhile she keeps her money to herself. There are more out there than you think. Don't be a sucka.

my ex. One of the last things she said that put me over the edge was like “you never get the good coffee”. For one, I was ordering expensive crap she wanted. Two, at the time, I was only earning like half what I do now. Money wasn’t exactly rolling in.

Meanwhile she earned almost the same, but didn’t pay any bills or buy any groceries. There was of course more along those lines, but it’s the little comments that often sting.
 

Ownage

Member
my ex. One of the last things she said that put me over the edge was like “you never get the good coffee”. For one, I was ordering expensive crap she wanted. Two, at the time, I was only earning like half what I do now. Money wasn’t exactly rolling in.

Meanwhile she earned almost the same, but didn’t pay any bills or buy any groceries. There was of course more along those lines, but it’s the little comments that often sting.
My ex wife too. PhD PEng EE made as much as I did. Lesson learned. I upgraded after the divorce to a much more chill woman who makes me feel 10 years younger. ✌🏻
 

Ballthyrm

Member
Don't want it, don't get married... what do other countries do? They don't have the concept of "marital property?"
There's other things than money related things that would make someone want to marry.

And yes , some countries let you opt in to the concept of marital property, there is different marriage contracts.


You can have a 60/40 split over a house depending what each payed, etc.

You can make a prenup agreement that's binding and enforced by the state.

Or you can even be legally financially separated while still being married.
 

IntentionalPun

Ask me about my wife's perfect butthole
There's other things than money related things that would make someone want to marry.

I'm aware; I'm just saying in the US that's what it is legally. My point being you can only be "screwed" if you choose to be, then are you really screwed?

Maybe, and maybe my point sucks. Did you ever think of THAT?
 
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MachRc

Member
Is the wife going to chew you out?

If so, might as well go hook up a TV in the garage too because that's where you're going to be playing it. lol
Lol
No she is not:) I told her about this post and she laughed. Like look I got it for retail using this thread how lucky am I!
She is surprised I picked up a Playstation. She sees me as a hard-core PCmr / green rat.


We too have separate accounts. It's been great that way.
My first marriage I had joint account and my ex was a stay at home mom for like 6 years.
I sold my first home I purchased on my own to move into a bigger home and then when she left me I had to buy her out of my "own" house.

The martial property law is not kind kids learn about it in your state and navigate it smartly before getting married yo.
My 2nd wife came with a 30 thousand dollar credit card debt.
Which she told me like it was some sort of venereal disease lol.
We both work full time and she make as much as I do.
We haven't had a single issue regarding bills and I fill her car up every week so she never has to put in gas.
She takes care of half the utilities, helps me with mortgage, she goes gets food at her boutique food store, I get food for us at the bigger box store

I could understand and know from experience how alot of partners cheat financially on each other.
Sugar coating things to keep each other compliant / happy or lying about finances to keep the worry off of the spouse.

Working hard and then barely eeking out on important bills and payments, putting off self care, the much needed car maintenances,
compromising life quality for oneself to pay bills for the family, until you're deeper and deeper.
Especially in a one income family home. I've been there.

But no she is not upset or would have to worry that I would do such financial cheating on her.
I mean I just spend almost 5 grand of my money on surgery for our cat who was attacked by a coyote.
1.2k in emergency room visit x-rays, 3.5k on the amputation.

My wife is lucky, that she is my everything.
 

Soodanim

Member
"Financially cheated" is an example of purposely making something sound slightly confusing as a form of clickbait. Financial deception would have been fine but drawn less people in.

43% seems low, too. 43% of people admitted it. 57% were probably with their partner when asked.
 

Umbasaborne

Member
I'll never have joined accounts. We both make good money, and about the same amount of money. We just talk through things and split whatever we split. Having your own money isn't infidelity.

It's just one more thing to argue about if they can spy on every little thing you buy. I don't see it helping anything.
I agree. Fuck joined accounts. I love my girlfriend But my money is my money, same with her. And i told her before we moved in together that if she wasnt okay with that, then its not gonna work
 
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Thaedolus

Gold Member
I agree. Fuck jouned accounts. I love my girlfriend But my money is my money, same with her. And i told her before we moved in togeather that if she wasnt okay with that, then its not gonna work

When we first started living together, my wife and I would both contribute equally to a joint account for our split bills then keep the rest to ourselves. As time went on, we got married, bought a house, sold the house, bought another, had kids etc. it all gets kinda mixed together. The solution there is I have my own account for like 10% of my paychecks, and the rest goes into our joint account. She gets the same. That way I've got plenty of "play money" or whatever that I don't need to account for.

For us, this is a good compromise. I've come home with game consoles and stereo equipment or gone out to with my buddies and whatever and it's never a question of "how does that fit in the budget?" because it never hits the budget. When I get a raise, my play money gets a raise. It's a good system IMO, and nobody's getting "financially cheated on" (though according to this article I've been guilty of that sometimes in the past too).
 
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