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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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I feel kind of sad today and feel embarrassed talking about this, but I see a few people I know in here. My mom stopped at the dollar store near a restaurant I liked to go to where a cute waitress worked. I didn't really talk to her like that at first because I sort of gave up trying to before, but one day she suddenly sat at my table and started asking me personal stuff like what I do. I was caught off guard and accidentally said I was unemployed without saying it outright. But with that I still wasn't sure if she was just being friendly, but over some time I did wanted to ask her out, but going with someone told me a while ago I felt like I shouldn't bother because I didn't and still don't have a car, but when mom stopped by today I decided just to see if she was there.

I asked about her and one of the other waitresses said she no longer works there. I felt like I missed my only opportunity.

You did. You'll never see her again. Next time, strike while the iron is hot, although as a service worker, she might've just been friendly and completely uninterested in you. But you'll never know. (And that's okay.)

Also, get a job and a car. Those are clearly self-stated issues for you.
 
You did. You'll never see her again. Next time, strike while the iron is hot, although as a service worker, she might've just been friendly and completely uninterested in you. But you'll never know. (And that's okay.)

Also, get a job and a car. Those are clearly self-stated issues for you.

I got a job now. I told her about one of them some time after that and asked if she might've been interested to coming to one of our meetings. I handed her my business card, but I've had two jobs since then.
 
Anyone honestly talking about why we can't say white power is pretty suspect, though.
For sure. I honestly think she just had no idea about the historical context of the whole thing. She was pretty stupid.

Please continue

Allllright. Twist my rubber arm. Story time. Itll be long but I dont want to leave out details.

This girl was an on and off thing for a long time. We would just meet up to get drunk and bang sometimes when we both found ourselves single. Then we wouldnt talk again for months, even years sometimes. She only dates rich guys that pamper her and take her to the tropics to stay in fancy resorts and shit. The best I could do is a 6 pack of cheap beer and go to the beach down the street so I was surprised she was even into me like that.

Anyways, the last time I talked to her was a few months ago. I reached out for a booty call and she was like "oh yeah! For sure! Im at a friends house for a bbq though, you should come over!"

So I went over there and she met me at the door looking fine as hell. I was like its on!

I go inside and I dont know anyone so I am trying to talk to everyone and meet everyone.

The whole time I am mingling I can see her trying to get my attention out the corner of my eye from across the room. So after I meet everyone we step outside on the balcony for a drink. She starts whining asking me why I am not paying attention to her. Im like "I just got here and Im trying to be polite and introduce myself to everyone, chill out"

Shes like "Dont you think I'm beautiful?" I'm like "Yeah I think your beautiful. Why do you think im here?" Shes like "Youre not paying enough attention to me. I'm pretty and I would think you would want me" im like "what the fuck are you talking about? I do want you, I'm just not going to hang off you all night if thats what youre expecting"

At this point she is annoying me. Plus I was going through drama with my ex and just wasnt in the mood for drama.

Then we go inside and she pulls me into the bathroom and starts making out with me but I am wierd I guess and I have to be in the mood and her whinning about how beautiful she is and me not paying attention to her was a turnoff so I'm like "hey lets just wait til we get back to your house OK? I feel wierd banging you in this person I just mets bathroom"

She got all pissy and stormed out of the bathroom.

So then this other girl comes over who works with her. The one im with is her boss. And for some reason she starts being a total bitch to her coworker. Shes like "I am your boss! So dont be drinking too much tonight, I will be watching you" meanwhile she is getting drunk off her ass.

Everyone in the house is like wtf was that shit? The girl who just came over starts feeling really uncomfortable. Im just like OK I dont even feel like chilling with this girl now shes acting all crazy. So I went out on the balcony. Me and the guy who lives there were just sitting out there shooting the shit and allofasudden you hear screaming in the house. We go inside like wtf!?

The girl who I was there to meet is fucking yelling at this other girl "I am your fucking boss! You fucking listen to me! You do what I tell you!"

Im like "yoooooo! Chill the fuck out! What are you doing!? You are not her boss right now! We are all friends here! What is your problem?" she screams at me "mind your own fucking business!"

So the guy who owns the place is like "dude. Can you please get her out of here? Shes kinda ruining the night and she will leave if you leave with her. But youare good shit. You are more than welcome to come back here after" Im like "ok man yeah for sure no worries"

So I get the girl to come with me to her house. Just about a 10 min walk down the street. Everyone is like thank you so much man!

On the walk back to her place she is tearing me a new one about how she is so hot and she can get any guy she wants. If she is going to invite me somewhere she expects me to give her all the attention she deserves. Im like lol.

So we get back to her house and she grabs a few beer out of the fridge and hands me one. We pound it back quick and she comes up to me like "now where were we?" And starts taking her clothes off. Im like "helllll nah! Did you hear yourself? I'm not fucking you right now. Youre fucked. Youre drunk. You need to sleep"

Hoooly fucking shit dude, she lost her shit. She starts screaming at me "Fuck you you fucking loser you think I'd fuck you anyway?" Im like "fuck you! Ive already fucked you enough times and it aint even that great!" (It was actually)

She just started grabbing shit off her table and throwing it at me. Smashed a few of her nice china plates throwing them at me. She hit me with a candle holder. I was just like "let it all out you fucking psycho! Im outta here!"

She was like "good! Leave and never come back you small dick piece of shit!" And she started shoving me towards the door. Im like "get your fucking hands off me I'm leaving"

So I got out the door and she slammed it shut behind me.

I turned around and opened the door back up and popped my head in and was like "do you mind if I take one of those beers for the walk?"

She yelled like a banshee and threw something at my head and it hit the door.

So I left.

Went back to that party. Everyone was like oh my god thank you so much man. The girl she worked with was like "thank you for sticking up for me." I was like "its no problem."

Then the guy told me that the girl I walked home just called him and said he better not let me back over. So I was like hahaha wow what a night. Im going to just go home and have some drinks myself. Then the girl who works with the other girl was like "can I come with you?" Iwas like "OK" we hooked up.
 
Hey guys my first post on neogaf! ^_^

So I am 33 years old now and I have zero experience dating or with women. Right now I work as a programmer at a major Canadian bank, but coding day in and day out, and just general working + studying is really getting to me. Last year I worked up some courage and tried talking to this girl I had a crush on but I approached her in the parking lot (she said no) and it really crushed me. It affected my work and my studies big time :/

I have one girl "friend", she told me to hit the gym and improve my wardrobe. Also told me to flirt with girls. But should I really be bothering them at the workplace? They might get offended?

What should I do?
 
Hey guys my first post on neogaf! ^_^

So I am 33 years old now and I have zero experience dating or with women. Right now I work as a programmer at a major Canadian bank, but coding day in and day out, and just general working + studying is really getting to me. Last year I worked up some courage and tried talking to this girl I had a crush on but I approached her in the parking lot (she said no) and it really crushed me. It affected my work and my studies big time :/

I have one girl "friend", she told me to hit the gym and improve my wardrobe. Also told me to flirt with girls. But should I really be bothering them at the workplace? They might get offended?

What should I do?

Don't flirt at the workplace. It will save you a lot of headaches. Try to meet people outside, for instance at a social hobby.
 
Don't flirt at the workplace. It will save you a lot of headaches. Try to meet people outside, for instance at a social hobby.

There's a few girls at work who showed interest, but I just ignored them. But then they get offended/pissy (I noticed a few instances, but I won't mention them here). But yea I do avoid that.
 

Salamando

Member
Hey guys my first post on neogaf! ^_^

So I am 33 years old now and I have zero experience dating or with women. Right now I work as a programmer at a major Canadian bank, but coding day in and day out, and just general working + studying is really getting to me. Last year I worked up some courage and tried talking to this girl I had a crush on but I approached her in the parking lot (she said no) and it really crushed me. It affected my work and my studies big time :/

I have one girl "friend", she told me to hit the gym and improve my wardrobe. Also told me to flirt with girls. But should I really be bothering them at the workplace? They might get offended?

What should I do?
Welcome to GAF!

Programmer to programmer, here's what you need to do - hit the gym and improve your wardrobe.

Seriously though, read the OP. Plenty of good resources in there.

(Don't flirt with girls at work)
 

Ernest

Banned
Allllright. Twist my rubber arm. Story time. Itll be long but I dont want to leave out details.
Oh man, if I had a nickle for every drunk girl with low-self esteem story...

It's weird how your mind functions when you're in the middle of it, versus thinking about it later. But yeah, as I matured (though before I was able to cut those women out completely), I could smell that shit coming a mile away, and was able to deal with it better and better, like you, until I was old enough to just not know any women like that at all.
 
Hey guys my first post on neogaf! ^_^

So I am 33 years old now and I have zero experience dating or with women. Right now I work as a programmer at a major Canadian bank, but coding day in and day out, and just general working + studying is really getting to me. Last year I worked up some courage and tried talking to this girl I had a crush on but I approached her in the parking lot (she said no) and it really crushed me. It affected my work and my studies big time :/

I have one girl "friend", she told me to hit the gym and improve my wardrobe. Also told me to flirt with girls. But should I really be bothering them at the workplace? They might get offended?

What should I do?

Your friend is correct. Hit the gym, improve your wardrobe, and learn how to talk to people -- men and women -- in social situations. Also, understand that rejection is normal and, ultimately, means absolutely nothing in the long-run. Someone not interested in you does you a favor when they're civil and forthright about it.

It's difficult to craft advice for you because, quite frankly, you're starting from the beginning. (That means you've only got one way to go, however: up.)

In short, the only thing that'll help you is experience. And you've got to make up for lost time, though smartly. Also, abandon the idea of consciously "flirting." And keep in mind that, the world's best, time-tested, proven pickup line is "Hi." The best way to demonstrate interest is to be interested.

More generally, and this is going to sound terribly blunt, but: expect a lot of pain initially as you figure out what you want in a partner while coming to grips with what you offer someone in a possible relationship.

You are going to get turned down, a lot. You're probably going to fuck up your first relationship because you'll make rookie mistakes. If you're a virgin, and it looks like you are, you're going to be terrible in bed your first time. However, on the bright side, much of what you've learned about human relationships (in general!) apply to romantic ones. You also seem emotionally intelligent and, thank God, don't have a sense of entitlement; you also seem self-aware and sincere. Basically, things will work out for you, though it may take a while.

You will learn quickly. Lean on your friend, by the way. Also, consider this a new study/hobby. It's actually fun!
 
Oh man, if I had a nickle for every drunk girl with low-self esteem story...

It's weird how your mind functions when you're in the middle of it, versus thinking about it later. But yeah, as I matured (though before I was able to cut those women out completely), I could smell that shit coming a mile away, and was able to deal with it better and better, like you, until I was old enough to just not know any women like that at all.
Ive known her for like 10 years tho. I knew she was a rich snob but I had no idea she had that in her. It kinda came out of left field. We are in our 30s now and maybe she is having some kind of crisis?. This girl has no reason to have low self esteem. Looks wise anyway.

I honestly didnt see that coming. I think getting rejected by a broke ass like myself sent her over the edge.

I mean, in all the time Ive known her she never pulled that shit. Not even close.
 

Leeness

Member


Oh you.
 
Your friend is correct. Hit the gym, improve your wardrobe, and learn how to talk to people -- men and women -- in social situations. Also, understand that rejection is normal and, ultimately, means absolutely nothing in the long-run. Someone not interested in you does you a favor when they're civil and forthright about it.

It's difficult to craft advice for you because, quite frankly, you're starting from the beginning. (That means you've only got one way to go, however: up.)

In short, the only thing that'll help you is experience. And you've got to make up for lost time, though smartly. Also, abandon the idea of consciously "flirting." And keep in mind that, the world's best, time-tested, proven pickup line is "Hi." The best way to demonstrate interest is to be interested.

More generally, and this is going to sound terribly blunt, but: expect a lot of pain initially as you figure out what you want in a partner while coming to grips with what you offer someone in a possible relationship.

You are going to get turned down, a lot. You're probably going to fuck up your first relationship because you'll make rookie mistakes. If you're a virgin, and it looks like you are, you're going to be terrible in bed your first time. However, on the bright side, much of what you've learned about human relationships (in general!) apply to romantic ones. You also seem emotionally intelligent and, thank God, don't have a sense of entitlement; you also seem self-aware and sincere. Basically, things will work out for you, though it may take a while.

You will learn quickly. Lean on your friend, by the way. Also, consider this a new study/hobby. It's actually fun!

Thanks for the advice. I absolutely need to start talking to people, being an extreme introvert hasn't gotten me anywhere. I will sign up for toastmasters next week.

Right now I just work in downtown Toronto and go to a library near my house for studying. I will add gym to this routine, what else should I start doing? I have friends but most of them are extreme nerds like me. I really like my co-worker but he is a super introverted nerd :/

I am gonna have to learn all this alone. Man its going to be painful and awkward. :/ Thanks again for the advice
 
Had a sitcom moment while on a date the other day...

Well, I'm now inspired. I don't think this is worthy of a thread, but maybe it's worth a laugh.

A couple weeks ago I had a first date planned with a nice girl I met, but she forgot or some shit. The next day I was in a little bit of a slump. In the evening I met up with some friends at a local bar where they had some music event going on. After saying hey and chatting a bit (as well as one can do in a loud area), we mixed in more with the crowd. A girl came and sat next to me, smiled some...easy conversation starter. We were talking for a while, she seemed into me. We kissed a few times.

By the time closing time came, she was way too drunk. "I just need to drive home." (She drove 45 minutes to my town.) "No way. You're in no shape to drive right now..." "I...don't worry about it, I'm fine." "Where'd you park?" "...I don't remember." "Yeah, exactly. Look, I have a big leather couch you can crash on with sheets and a pillow. It's not a problem." She accepted.

I got her set up and ready for bed. As I was about to turn and walk to my bed, she grabs my arm, "But...I want to sleep in the bed with you." Fine...

She gets in bed with me and wraps herself around me and falls asleep pretty much instantly. Meanwhile I am left unable to sleep, laying awake for nearly an hour. It was very uncomfortable, hot, sweaty (somehow). Then I realized the side of me she's wrapped around is soaked...in her piss. Guess it wasn't all sweat. I'm an atheist, but in that moment at nearly 3:30am, in a pitch black room, I was certainly looking up at my ceiling and thinking, "GOD, WHY ME? WHAT DID I DO?"

I rinsed off in the bathroom and changed without waking her, wrapped up in sheets, and took the couch for a few hours. I wanted to be absolutely certain that I woke up first. When she woke up, she was definitely a bit freaked out. I'm not sure how long it took her to figure out the pee bit...I couldn't bring it up. It was so uncomfortable. I helped her find her car. I'll never hear from her again.

Funny enough, I think her more immediate horror was seeing me in the morning. Who knows. I'm not really looking for advice, as I've already thought of all the ways I could've avoided this happening to me. I'm going to spend more time on trying to better myself. Giving a hiking group a try this coming weekend.
 

Salamando

Member
Thanks for the advice. I absolutely need to start talking to people, being an extreme introvert hasn't gotten me anywhere. I will sign up for toastmasters next week.

Right now I just work in downtown Toronto and go to a library near my house for studying. I will add gym to this routine, what else should I start doing? I have friends but most of them are extreme nerds like me. I really like my co-worker but he is a super introverted nerd :/

I am gonna have to learn all this alone. Man its going to be painful and awkward. :/ Thanks again for the advice
Hey, I was in Toronto last weekend for FanExpo! Did you attend?

Here's what worked for me...
- Board Game meetups. I used to be very introverted. Board game people are extremely friendly, you're given a common topic to talk about off the bat (the game), and you never have to deal with more than like 4 people at once. Toronto has an amazing set up for this, with those Snakes and Lattes cafes all over the place.

- Online dating. The rejections are easier to handle, as there's a level of abstraction between you. It'll help thicken your skin a little. It can giive you confidence too - that first time you meet a girl, you already know she's into you.

- General small talk. When you're at the grocery store or wherever, talk a little bit more than you need to. "Have you been busy tonight? Looks like a madhouse". You don't need to be eloquent, just human. Get experience talking to complete strangers.

- Diversify your interests. I'd had bar discussions on everything from gambling law to aerospace advancements to Broadway musicals to 90's rap. The more you're able to talk about, the easier it'll be for you to find common topics to talk about.
 
Hey, I was in Toronto last weekend for FanExpo! Did you attend?

Here's what worked for me...
- Board Game meetups. I used to be very introverted. Board game people are extremely friendly, you're given a common topic to talk about off the bat (the game), and you never have to deal with more than like 4 people at once. Toronto has an amazing set up for this, with those Snakes and Lattes cafes all over the place.

- Online dating. The rejections are easier to handle, as there's a level of abstraction between you. It'll help thicken your skin a little. It can giive you confidence too - that first time you meet a girl, you already know she's into you.

- General small talk. When you're at the grocery store or wherever, talk a little bit more than you need to. "Have you been busy tonight? Looks like a madhouse". You don't need to be eloquent, just human. Get experience talking to complete strangers.

- Diversify your interests. I'd had bar discussions on everything from gambling law to aerospace advancements to Broadway musicals to 90's rap. The more you're able to talk about, the easier it'll be for you to find common topics to talk about.

Thanks I will try those things. Main thing is talking, which I am terrible at, I will work on that for sure.

Also, no I did not attend the fanExpo, I was busy. :)
 
I am gonna have to learn all this alone. Man its going to be painful and awkward. :/ Thanks again for the advice

After making some bad mistakes in my early 20s, the best advice I can give you is to live authentically and be the best self you can be while living authentically. You need to determine what's important to you in a relationship and not let anyone tell you what to think or feel but at the same time you have to be realistic. Relationships do involve a certain amount of mutual attraction and it varies from person to person. If they don't feel the spark that's ok.

Also, if you're super nerdy and introverted that's ok. Go to a couple of local comic book and gaming stores. Ask the clerk if they have any nights where older people play table top games and go join them. Engage with them. After a couple of weeks you may find yourself making new friends and forming bonds with females in the group. If anything feels promising ask if they'd like to do something outside of the gaming group. Have a venue and a time in mind and ask them then directly. If they say no, don't get offended, move on. But nerdy/geeky females often have similar friends so even if you don't feel any sparks or they're already in a committed relationship you can still ask if they have any friends who may be open to going on a date with anyone like you. They may say no, and that's also ok. The important thing is you don't ask, you don't get. But be mature about it. Everyone has the right to say no, they're not terrible people for saying no. Always remember that there are 3.75 billion women on the planet so every no just gets you closer to a possible yes.
 

Ogodei

Member
I've been getting likes on OKCupid at a decent clip ever since they eliminated "visitors" as a viewable category, so something's working here.

The date last Wednesday was okay. I don't think i have anything in common with her, and she wasn't so attractive as to merit me pursuing this while i'm still trying to secure a permanent job.

Bar Deco was cool though. Reasonably priced for a DC hotspot ($25 for her and my drinks plus an appetizer and tip).
 
After making some bad mistakes in my early 20s, the best advice I can give you is to live authentically and be the best self you can be while living authentically. You need to determine what's important to you in a relationship and not let anyone tell you what to think or feel but at the same time you have to be realistic. Relationships do involve a certain amount of mutual attraction and it varies from person to person. If they don't feel the spark that's ok.

Also, if you're super nerdy and introverted that's ok. Go to a couple of local comic book and gaming stores. Ask the clerk if they have any nights where older people play table top games and go join them. Engage with them. After a couple of weeks you may find yourself making new friends and forming bonds with females in the group. If anything feels promising ask if they'd like to do something outside of the gaming group. Have a venue and a time in mind and ask them then directly. If they say no, don't get offended, move on. But nerdy/geeky females often have similar friends so even if you don't feel any sparks or they're already in a committed relationship you can still ask if they have any friends who may be open to going on a date with anyone like you. They may say no, and that's also ok. The important thing is you don't ask, you don't get. But be mature about it. Everyone has the right to say no, they're not terrible people for saying no. Always remember that there are 3.75 billion women on the planet so every no just gets you closer to a possible yes.
Thanks for the advice. I will keep all this mind and be more proactive from now on :)
 

'Heaven Sniper

Neo Member
I've posted multiple times in this thread about a girl I met in my online class. Met her multiple times throughout the semester for study dates and asked her out as soon as the class ended. We went on one date, which I thought went well and we were still talking after it. I asked her out again and she never replied. I sent her a Facebook invite to my birthday event this weekend and she did not acknowledge it either.

So my question is, how do you guys deal with ghosting? Should I follow up with another text? (It's been 5 days). Or should I let it die? It just sucks that you can have this great rapport with someone, talk with them almost daily for a couple months, and then they just pretend like you never existed. I almost think she used me to help her do well in the class...
 
I've posted multiple times in this thread about a girl I met in my online class. Met her multiple times throughout the semester for study dates and asked her out as soon as the class ended. We went on one date, which I thought went well and we were still talking after it. I asked her out again and she never replied. I sent her a Facebook invite to my birthday event this weekend and she did not acknowledge it either.

So my question is, how do you guys deal with ghosting? Should I follow up with another text? (It's been 5 days). Or should I let it die? It just sucks that you can have this great rapport with someone, talk with them almost daily for a couple months, and then they just pretend like you never existed. I almost think she used me to help her do well in the class...

You went on one date. She didn't want to pursue things further. She's been abundantly clear.

Why do you want to be with someone who clearly doesn't want to be with you?

Also, you might have had a great rapport as friends, but once you converted that to the romance path, things fizzled. It happens. You lost your friendship because of it.

Don't even come here spreading bullshit like "she used you." She didn't.

I've been getting likes on OKCupid at a decent clip ever since they eliminated "visitors" as a viewable category, so something's working here.

The date last Wednesday was okay. I don't think i have anything in common with her, and she wasn't so attractive as to merit me pursuing this while i'm still trying to secure a permanent job.

Bar Deco was cool though. Reasonably priced for a DC hotspot ($25 for her and my drinks plus an appetizer and tip).

Wut? How? Maybe one appetizer and 2 beers...

Send her my way, then. Although, to be honest, I've probably already dated her. This town's small.
 

Femto.

Member
I've posted multiple times in this thread about a girl I met in my online class. Met her multiple times throughout the semester for study dates and asked her out as soon as the class ended. We went on one date, which I thought went well and we were still talking after it. I asked her out again and she never replied. I sent her a Facebook invite to my birthday event this weekend and she did not acknowledge it either.

So my question is, how do you guys deal with ghosting? Should I follow up with another text? (It's been 5 days). Or should I let it die? It just sucks that you can have this great rapport with someone, talk with them almost daily for a couple months, and then they just pretend like you never existed. I almost think she used me to help her do well in the class...

Move on. Can't add anything new that Diaboli has said to you already.

Other than this shit is more likely to happen than not. Also, she did not use you, the more you think that way the more hung up you will get about things like ghosting.

Shrug it off and move on to the next one.
 

'Heaven Sniper

Neo Member
Thanks for calling me out Diaboli and Femto. You're right, I shouldn't make an excuse for something that was out of my control. I probably shouldn't put all my eggs into one basket. I tend to get severe oneitis when dating and take it too personally when things don't work out.
 

Ernest

Banned
I just wanted to say, some of these stories are triggering me, making me reaffirm my opinion that complete drunkenness is one of, if not THE most unattractive things in a person - it doesn't matter if you're a mean drunk, or a fun drunk - buzzed, ok fine, whatever, but I want nothing to do with you when you're totally drunk.

I've had to cut women off (politely) just so they don't get that far. And if you can't cut them off - total red flag.
 

Ozorov

Member
Thanks for calling me out Diaboli and Femto. You're right, I shouldn't make an excuse for something that was out of my control. I probably shouldn't put all my eggs into one basket. I tend to get severe oneitis when dating and take it too personally when things don't work out.

You will get over it. Do you have her number? Delete it etc. And yes ghosting sucks, especially when you and her seems to have spend a lot of time together.
 

jadedm17

Member
Had a sitcom moment while on a date the other day.

As I walked her to her car after our meal, a guy gets out of his car, about 4 car stall down, and yells "hello there", and I'm like, well, that guy's friendly, but the girl I was with turned bright red and said, "he's an ex-boyfriend", and she's all "he's not walking towards us is he?", and I say, "no, he's going the other way", which relieved her a bit. I had to say, "man that must suck, but don't sweat it". I tried to put myself in her shoes, and I was all, yeah, that would've sucked. Thankfully, when it was obvious he was gone, she laughed at the situation.

Are y'all teenagers? People have exes, often in the same town; Short of him making a scene that doesn't really register on my "awkward" scale.
 

vern

Member
So what was awkward moments for you?

I'd agree with him. People still exist just because you broke up doesn't mean you'll never see them again.

Awkward for me was earlier this week, had a girl over and in my bed. Was about 10 pm. Got a knock on my door and it was another girl I'd recently slept with... note they are both not official girlfriend or anything like that so it's technically "ok." Girl at the door asked why I wasn't replying to her messages and blah blah. She saw the other girls shoes by the door...wasn't good. Super awkward.
 
Date #3:

She came round straight after work and we made a pizza. We were meant to eat then go to a friend’s gig but we stayed in watching TV instead, got through 2 bottles of wine and did a bit of kissing on the sofa.

Took her home about 10:30 as she had to be up mega early this morning but then stayed up until 12:30 texting me.

Happy!
 
Thanks I will try those things. Main thing is talking, which I am terrible at, I will work on that for sure.

Also, no I did not attend the fanExpo, I was busy. :)
Funny thing is, you don't even have to talk that much, people like to talk more about themselves than anything else, so (genuinely) listening is also a big part.

What people are most afraid of are awkward silences or clunky conversations that have no flow. Or the classic: "I don't know what to say / talk about"


Small guide for smooth conversations / small talk:
• Ask open questions. Every question you ask that can solely be answered with "Yes / No" is going to disrupt the conversation because
it cuts the flow and both of you are left with the "awkward silence".

• If you answer questions, get a bit more detailed (but don't go overboard) than usual. Imagine that everything you say is a
path that the other person can respond / relate to. The more paths you lay out the higher the probability the other person can relate to something you said or comment on it.

• Basic questions: Easy but powerful. If you meet new people there are those questions that come up every single time.
"Where are you from?" "What do you do?" Elaborate what you like about the job / what is cool instead of a job description, it's not an interview.
It's basically: Go more into detail (feelings, short story, emotions, etc.)

• Learn how to listen: Eye contact (by the way, learn eye contact), affirmative body language / feedback (they know you're listening), be genuinely curious.

• Behind the basics: Be playful, don't take it so serious. Words are less important than energy / the frame that you provide / sub communication


It's a skill like everything else, you just have to push through it. It's going to push your confidence and your confidence is going to push your skills, it's a positive feedback loop.
(That said, don't get upset with negative experiences and get into a negative feedback loop, you can't connect to everyone)
 

Ozorov

Member
Date #3:

She came round straight after work and we made a pizza. We were meant to eat then go to a friend’s gig but we stayed in watching TV instead, got through 2 bottles of wine and did a bit of kissing on the sofa.

Took her home about 10:30 as she had to be up mega early this morning but then stayed up until 12:30 texting me.

Happy!

 
I'd agree with him. People still exist just because you broke up doesn't mean you'll never see them again.

Awkward for me was earlier this week, had a girl over and in my bed. Was about 10 pm. Got a knock on my door and it was another girl I'd recently slept with... note they are both not official girlfriend or anything like that so it's technically "ok." Girl at the door asked why I wasn't replying to her messages and blah blah. She saw the other girls shoes by the door...wasn't good. Super awkward.

Ohhan, that is super awkward. I do.t think Od ever be lucky enough to have two girls interested at once!
 

vern

Member
Ohhan, that is super awkward. I do.t think Od ever be lucky enough to have two girls interested at once!

You don't even know the half of it... I'm trying to cut back. That was a bit of a wake up call haha. At least I need to not ghost and I should tell them if it was a one time thing. Or I need to start going to their house or hotels instead of mine lol. Last 3 days I've been celibate and just playing Zelda at night so I don't get caught up in any shit again.
 

vern

Member
Same for me, unless its serious then I dont bring them to my home. I dont need any unnanounced doorstep drama. I learned that when I was younger.

Then I'll be getting hotel like 5 nights a week. 😭

A couple of the girls I've been seeing have their own place but I just am too lazy to go, I make them come to me. I'll need to change that up.
 
Well, I'm now inspired. I don't think this is worthy of a thread, but maybe it's worth a laugh.

A couple weeks ago I had a first date planned with a nice girl I met, but she forgot or some shit. The next day I was in a little bit of a slump. In the evening I met up with some friends at a local bar where they had some music event going on. After saying hey and chatting a bit (as well as one can do in a loud area), we mixed in more with the crowd. A girl came and sat next to me, smiled some...easy conversation starter. We were talking for a while, she seemed into me. We kissed a few times.

By the time closing time came, she was way too drunk. "I just need to drive home." (She drove 45 minutes to my town.) "No way. You're in no shape to drive right now..." "I...don't worry about it, I'm fine." "Where'd you park?" "...I don't remember." "Yeah, exactly. Look, I have a big leather couch you can crash on with sheets and a pillow. It's not a problem." She accepted.

I got her set up and ready for bed. As I was about to turn and walk to my bed, she grabs my arm, "But...I want to sleep in the bed with you." Fine...

She gets in bed with me and wraps herself around me and falls asleep pretty much instantly. Meanwhile I am left unable to sleep, laying awake for nearly an hour. It was very uncomfortable, hot, sweaty (somehow). Then I realized the side of me she's wrapped around is soaked...in her piss. Guess it wasn't all sweat. I'm an atheist, but in that moment at nearly 3:30am, in a pitch black room, I was certainly looking up at my ceiling and thinking, "GOD, WHY ME? WHAT DID I DO?"

I rinsed off in the bathroom and changed without waking her, wrapped up in sheets, and took the couch for a few hours. I wanted to be absolutely certain that I woke up first. When she woke up, she was definitely a bit freaked out. I'm not sure how long it took her to figure out the pee bit...I couldn't bring it up. It was so uncomfortable. I helped her find her car. I'll never hear from her again.

Funny enough, I think her more immediate horror was seeing me in the morning. Who knows. I'm not really looking for advice, as I've already thought of all the ways I could've avoided this happening to me. I'm going to spend more time on trying to better myself. Giving a hiking group a try this coming weekend.



Drunk people just don't seem to be worth it XD
 
Then I'll be getting hotel like 5 nights a week. 😭

A couple of the girls I've been seeing have their own place but I just am too lazy to go, I make them come to me. I'll need to change that up.

My place has a guard and requires a key card to use the elevator, so I was safe in my dating days. Afraid to go certain places in town with my gf, though. Don't need to be dealing with that nonsense.
 

vern

Member
My place has a guard and requires a key card to use the elevator, so I was safe in my dating days. Afraid to go certain places in town with my gf, though. Don't need to be dealing with that nonsense.

Saving money. My next place will be like Fort Knox.
 
I love drunk stories but i am more often then not taking care of drunk people then being a wreck myself.

I have a friend from my art studio crashing at my place but she wouldnt be back until midnight or so she said. A person i had seen before moved closer and basically said "sup" and i said i was at the bar doing some work so she came out to see whats up and we ended up getting pretty sloshed and went back to my place and had pretty fucking great drunk sex but then i heard the door to my other bedroom close... like she walked in probably saw everything lol and sneaked by.

She just laughed at me the next day.
 

Ernest

Banned
Are y'all teenagers? People have exes, often in the same town; Short of him making a scene that doesn't really register on my "awkward" scale.
Oh, give me a fucking break with this shit, pretending like you're some paragon of maturity. I wouldn't deign to tell you what is or isn't awkward to you, so don't pretend to understand what's awkward for someone else. I have no idea what she went through with that ex, so who knows what's going through her mind. If I had run into my ex-wife, I would've probably blushed as well. And for the record, she's 38 and I'm 44, hardly "teenagers", and we're still capable of bouts of awkward-ism - that shit doesn't magically go away with age.
 
Oh, give me a fucking break with this shit, pretending like you're some paragon of maturity. I wouldn't deign to tell you what is or isn't awkward to you, so don't pretend to understand what's awkward for someone else. I have no idea what she went through with that ex, so who knows what's going through her mind. If I had run into my ex-wife, I would've probably blushed as well. And for the record, she's 38 and I'm 44, hardly "teenagers", and we're still capable of bouts of awkward-ism - that shit doesn't magically go away with age.

Lost my status as oldest dating age poster now. ☹️ Also Ernest, chill we're all friends here.
 
Oh, give me a fucking break with this shit, pretending like you're some paragon of maturity. I wouldn't deign to tell you what is or isn't awkward to you, so don't pretend to understand what's awkward for someone else. I have no idea what she went through with that ex, so who knows what's going through her mind. If I had run into my ex-wife, I would've probably blushed as well. And for the record, she's 38 and I'm 44, hardly "teenagers", and we're still capable of bouts of awkward-ism - that shit doesn't magically go away with age.

Alright old man, settle down 😉
 
My place has a guard and requires a key card to use the elevator, so I was safe in my dating days.

Don't be so sure, my former flat mates GF got in the building and was listening outside the apartment door to see if she could hear any girls inside. All they have to do is hang around the entrance and tail someone inside, use the fire stairs to get to the floor they want.
 

Ernest

Banned
Alright old man, settle down ��
Lost my status as oldest dating age poster now. ☹️ Also Ernest, chill we're all friends here.
All good!

Not sure if it gets tougher or easier when you get older - I'm definitely a better "date" than I've ever been (all that experience), but it's far tougher meeting people than it's ever been.
Also, logistics - logistics become a HUGE deal while dating when you're older.
 
but it's far tougher meeting people than it's ever been. Also, logistics - logistics become a HUGE deal while dating when you're older.

It's easier than it's ever been with all the dating apps available and the fact that it's no longer weird to meet people online. Not only that but being 40, single and having your act together makes you very desirable in my experience. Makes me laugh in hindsight at people panicking at reaching the big 30 and feeling undateable.
 
Oh, give me a fucking break with this shit, pretending like you're some paragon of maturity. I wouldn't deign to tell you what is or isn't awkward to you, so don't pretend to understand what's awkward for someone else. I have no idea what she went through with that ex, so who knows what's going through her mind. If I had run into my ex-wife, I would've probably blushed as well. And for the record, she's 38 and I'm 44, hardly "teenagers", and we're still capable of bouts of awkward-ism - that shit doesn't magically go away with age.

We go 0 to 100 real quick.
 

Ernest

Banned
It's easier than it's ever been with all the dating apps available and the fact that it's no longer weird to meet people online. Not only that but being 40, single and having your act together makes you very desirable in my experience. Makes me laugh in hindsight at people panicking at reaching the big 30 and feeling undateable.
Yeah, I meant IRL, which is why I've gone online recently, and never went online when I was younger, since I did meet so many people so frequently, either through mutual friends, work, etc. Once those avenues dried up, as they do when you get older, I tried online, not even whole-hog; just dipping my toes in it, and yeah, it's almost overwhelming. I had 5 dates in less than a week once - tough to keep things straight, especially at my old age... "did I already tell this story to her, or was that to another girl?"
 
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