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[gwailo]

Hm, I think it depends on how big the arrangement was. If you're dropping $100 on some huge bouquet and vase, that's a bit much, but a few flowers isn't excessive. I think going to a wedding together is a much bigger thing. Get ready for a lot of uncomfortable questions and awkward interactions, especially once the bar opens up :b

I have that really uncertain feeling going on right now where I don't know if I made a huge mistake or if it was the best thing to do for both of us to be happy.

TBH I don't think there is much worth saving here. Usually fights over small stuff, especially if it is happening often (especially daily) shows deeper underlying problems. Your communication is basically non-existent if she is more open to posting stuff on Twitter than talking to you.

Also her living with her ex seems sketchy to me, but according to GAF I'm old fashioned in that regard. But it does seem to be creating yet another stressor in the relationship.

 

[Banjo-Kazooie]

Hm, I think it depends on how big the arrangement was. If you're dropping $100 on some huge bouquet and vase, that's a bit much, but a few flowers isn't excessive. I think going to a wedding together is a much bigger thing. Get ready for a lot of uncomfortable questions and awkward interactions, especially once the bar opens up :b
.

Oh ya I hear ya! It's just a $30 springtime arrangement...colorful flowers in a vase. Just a light thing IMO with a note for what it's for and who it's from...it's not like roses or super expensive so I thought it was more of a nice cute gift instead of some huge profession of love

And ya I thought it was not only nice but also in the grand scheme of things not on the level on a wedding. My friends already tease me constantly saying that she's pretty much my girlfriend just based on everything we do together...but I always tell them she's not, and they just laugh at me.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

So the girl I've been "seeing" for about two months now had her first week at her internship for her degree. I went to a local florist near her house and ordered a nice flower arrangement to have delivered to her house on Friday as a congrats thing. I know first weeks in a new place can be stressful so I thought it would be cute and brighten her day a bit. I did this Tuesday so I'm anxious so see what she says tomorrow

This is fine. You did good. People are often too reticent to do kind things because of how they'll be perceived. With my girlfriend, I also got her flowers on the regular; I also cooked for her on Valentine's Day, even though we'd only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks at that point.

You don't have to worry about a $30 flower arrangement. She'll love it, and she'll love the sentiment.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

.

 

[Makonero]

Oh ya I hear ya! It's just a $30 springtime arrangement...colorful flowers in a vase. Just a light thing IMO with a note for what it's for and who it's from...it's not like roses or super expensive so I thought it was more of a nice cute gift instead of some huge profession of love

And ya I thought it was not only nice but also in the grand scheme of things not on the level on a wedding. My friends already tease me constantly saying that she's pretty much my girlfriend just based on everything we do together...but I always tell them she's not, and they just laugh at me.

Girls generally like getting flowers. I think you're right on track. Give them flowers early and often!

 

[viciouscabaret]

I've been seeing someone a little over a month now (after having been single for 8 months, my last relationship lasted 6 years) and everything is falling into place - we enjoy hanging out, going to concerts, a good balance of being adventurous and also staying in.

However I don't exactly feel that "one" spark or butterflies or whatever. I'm 28 (she's 24) and I haven't felt that since I was 22 and that was with a girl that ended up being a summer fling more than anything. She's moving quick, has already told me she loves me but I still feel like I'm getting back into the swing of things so to speak after my last relationship. It can be a bit overwhelming at times.

Can anyone relate to my situation? Is this normal after being in such a long term relationship?

 

[Banjo-Kazooie]

This is fine. You did good. People are often too reticent to do kind things because of how they'll be perceived. With my girlfriend, I also got her flowers on the regular; I also cooked for her on Valentine's Day, even though we'd only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks at that point.

You don't have to worry about a $30 flower arrangement. She'll love it, and she'll love the sentiment.

Ya I have a tendency to overthink things. I thought it was a nice gesture and a thing that would make her smile. She's been saying how she's been stressed and uncomfortable in her new internship so hopefully this helps a little bit..she still has no idea so I'm anxious to see when she gets it

Girls generally like getting flowers. I think you're right on track. Give them flowers early and often!

Ya I never thought flowers were like a super intimate thing, I just want her to smile and feel better. Fingers crossed

 

[Valhelm]

This one mega-cute girl was acting pretty elusive (responding to texts 6 hours late with formal replies) but I think she might just be shy. A quick 30-minute coffee date turned into a 2 hour discussion and walk around campus.

Unfortunately, she's pretty busy and spends her weekends back home with her parents 1.5 hours away. She wants to meet up again, but isn't sure when she has time.

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

Chatting to this really cute girl on OkCupid, I think I should just go for a date now after exchanging a few messages and bantering about getting killed over and over again in Dark Souls 3

 

[Banjo-Kazooie]

This one mega-cute girl was acting pretty elusive (responding to texts 6 hours late with formal replies) but I think she might just be shy. A quick 30-minute coffee date turned into a 2 hour discussion and walk around campus.

Unfortunately, she's pretty busy and spends her weekends back home with her parents 1.5 hours away. She wants to meet up again, but isn't sure when she has time.

Some people are also just bad texters, or like you said shy talking/texting with strangers. In person is what counts that's why it's good to always set up the dates soon

 

[Northeastmonk]

I don't even know anymore, so last night this girl messages me on POF. I've been wanting to talk to her for a while, so we talked and exchanged numbers. We text and she tries adding me to Facebook. I add her and she starts sending me racy photos of her and talks all nice to me.

Well I can't believe this is all really happening. She even asks for a topless pic of me. I send it and she calls me hot and sexy. Now this morning I texted her and now I'm off her friends list.

I'm not criticizing anyone. I just got my hopes up. I haven't dated in a long time, but it's just part of life. I am reading where people want to feel important and that criticizing people is the wrong thing to do because we don't learn from being criticized.

I sure would have wanted things to have been real, but it is another thing to move on with. I've encountered a few moments where it was best to leave it alone and forget it ever happened. I am seeing some trends, it seems like social websites play a big role in a person's life. More so than I thought and I've ranted about them before. My FB page is important (I talk to friends I've known for a decade), but I don't dress it up to be something for people to be impressed with.

We texted from around 5 to about 10 PM and I know I won't hear anything back, but I feel like I felt my feelings being hurt. Not that I knew the person, but it feels like I am recovering just a bit.

I deleted all the pictures and recent receipts.

 

[Denzar]

Man, I hit a stroke of luck recently. I seem to have refound my mojo. There was this incredibly cute girl in my store yesterday. I recognized her 'cause during my first Tinder run we were a "match". Had to dig hard to remember her name. She comes up to me to ask question. Tere was a dude with her. She leaves and 15 minutes after, I add her on FB and send her a message telling her that I think she's cute and ask her if the dude is her BF. I also say that I've got nothing to lose.

Like, not even a minute after I sent the friend request and message, she comes back up the stairs to exchange the vinyl she bought. My heart stopped and I hoped that she was still oblivious to the FB request and message. I don't mention it and it seems that she hadn't checked her phone yet. Thank god.

It appears that the guy was just a friend and that she wondered what I thought of her. She also mentioned that she told her mom that I came across as a very spontanious dude. Been talking through FB messenger since then.

Now, in hindsight, this could've backfired really hard. Adding on FB seems like a cowardly, creepy way to introduce yourself, no?

 

[Ristifer]

I met this gal at work over a year ago and thought she was cute, but I think she was dating someone at the time. Either way, when spring rolled around, she told me that she was heading across the country for school. So, I figured that was pretty much it for that.

But I decided not to give up there, and ended up texting her a while after she moved across the country. I told her that I had a thing for her and to my surprise, she ended up also having a thing for me when we worked together. She told me she was going to be in town for Christmas holidays (which were obviously back in December) and that we should go out and get some drinks. So, that was good.

We ended up talking for a bit longer. Just casual conversation here and there. But before December, she completely stopped talking to me. I honestly had no idea what had happened. I should clarify that when she asked me out for drinks, it was before I told her I had a thing for her. So, I figured I was golden with this situation, until she just stopped talking to me completely.

I ended up texting her a few times just asking how she was doing, but nothing. It's been a few months now, so I don't expect anything. But I just thought that was a bit weird. She asked me out, we both said we were attracted to each other, and then nothing. Dating is so odd sometimes...

 

[stn]

I don't even know anymore

Unless you know the person well and absolutely trust him/her, never send nude or semi-nude photos of yourself over the internet. You don't want to leave a digital footprint of that. For what its worth this person was not worth meeting. She is either a scammer, bot, or just really stupid. Bullet dodged. You need to find a classy girl, such a person wouldn't do this to you.

 

[Jokab]

Cardinal rules of sexting: use snapchat (yes I know you can get around the screenshotting but most people don't know this) and never include your face or any recognizable part of your room in a picture. Follow that and you're gucci.

 

[Northeastmonk]

Unless you know the person well and absolutely trust him/her, never send nude or semi-nude photos of yourself over the internet. You don't want to leave a digital footprint of that. For what its worth this person was not worth meeting. She is either a scammer, bot, or just really stupid. Bullet dodged. You need to find a classy girl, such a person wouldn't do this to you.

Thanks for your reply. I remember after I sent her my topless photo, saying something on the lines of, "I think you're sexually attractive, but I want something serious".

She is/was sexually attractive, but it didn't feel like it meant anything from her. People are attractive, but what does it mean if it was just sent to be sent? You're right. Thanks again

Edit: I did hear back, I guess I take pictures too close to my face. Whatever that means. I'm not a photographer. I don't even know. It wont go anywhere at all.

 

[Pasta_Soup]

I don't even know anymore...

Sounds like you got caught up in the moment, got overly excited about a potential dating prospect, and then it ended in a flash. But if you're familiar with online dating, this just seemed destined to turn into nothing from the get go. Like STN said, you pretty much lost nothing and gained everything by not having to deal with this person anymore.

Man, I hit a stroke of luck recently. I seem to have refound my mojo... ...Now, in hindsight, this could've backfired really hard. Adding on FB seems like a cowardly, creepy way to introduce yourself, no?

That's great you got in touch with her - but it's definitely weird, especially if you solely knew her through Tinder with no other previous interaction. I wouldn't make it the normal way you approach showing interest in women you meet. This story comes off as: "I didn't have the guts to talk to her in person, so I waited till I was safe and free of direct rejection before showing my intentions." What would have been truly spontaneous is you having that Facebook conversation in person.

Not trying to bring you down - just some observations! Glad it worked out, though.

I met this gal at work over a year ago...

So, I figured I was golden with this situation, until she just stopped talking to me completely.

I ended up texting her a few times just asking how she was doing, but nothing. It's been a few months now, so I don't expect anything. But I just thought that was a bit weird. She asked me out, we both said we were attracted to each other, and then nothing. Dating is so odd sometimes...

There's really nothing odd about this situation. You're expecting her to remain invested in you when she probably has an infinite number of other people she could date in her new city. Yeah, you guys might have been attracted to each other - but you live on completely different sides of the country. Even if you did see her, then what? She'll just go back to where she lives and that's that. Long distance rarely works. If you were just looking for a hook-up, then sure, maybe it was a possibility. But from the tone of your post, it seems that you were interested in more than that, completely over-investing yourself in this person you barely know. I hope you've been exploring other romantic prospects during the time you've been chatting with her.

So many things could have happened that resulted in her not texting you anymore: she met someone, she has no interest in dating at this time in her life, etc.

Don't ever assume "you're golden" in the world of dating. Read the last several pages of this thread, and you'll see firsthand why. Things shift all the time, and this situation had many elements working against it from the start.

 

[ZackieChan]

I met this gal at work over a year ago and thought she was cute, but I think she was dating someone at the time. Either way, when spring rolled around, she told me that she was heading across the country for school. So, I figured that was pretty much it for that.

But I decided not to give up there, and ended up texting her a while after she moved across the country. I told her that I had a thing for her and to my surprise, she ended up also having a thing for me when we worked together. She told me she was going to be in town for Christmas holidays (which were obviously back in December) and that we should go out and get some drinks. So, that was good.

We ended up talking for a bit longer. Just casual conversation here and there. But before December, she completely stopped talking to me. I honestly had no idea what had happened. I should clarify that when she asked me out for drinks, it was before I told her I had a thing for her. So, I figured I was golden with this situation, until she just stopped talking to me completely.

I ended up texting her a few times just asking how she was doing, but nothing. It's been a few months now, so I don't expect anything. But I just thought that was a bit weird. She asked me out, we both said we were attracted to each other, and then nothing. Dating is so odd sometimes...

You never really "dated." You just texted. This is one of the reasons why we say to push for an in-person meetup asap and not to deal with long distance relationships. When there's no stakes, it's easy for them to ghost. Don't get attached in these situations - stay flexible and meeting others. Don't text too much. You don't want to have wasted your time.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I've been seeing someone a little over a month now (after having been single for 8 months, my last relationship lasted 6 years) and everything is falling into place - we enjoy hanging out, going to concerts, a good balance of being adventurous and also staying in.

However I don't exactly feel that "one" spark or butterflies or whatever. I'm 28 (she's 24) and I haven't felt that since I was 22 and that was with a girl that ended up being a summer fling more than anything. She's moving quick, has already told me she loves me but I still feel like I'm getting back into the swing of things so to speak after my last relationship. It can be a bit overwhelming at times.

Can anyone relate to my situation? Is this normal after being in such a long term relationship?

Since you were 22? So during your last 6-year relationship you didn't feel a spark or anything?

The "butterflies" feeling is different for everyone and depends on the circumstances. Even if you replicated the summer fling you had, your feelings and reactions would be different.

That said, it's only been a month so your feelings for her could change. If you want to keep seeing her, do so and see where things are going. If you're not feeling it or think that she's moving too fast, be honest with her and don't string her along.

 

[Ristifer]

There's really nothing odd about this situation. You're expecting her to remain invested in you when she probably has an infinite number of other people she could date in her new city. Yeah, you guys might have been attracted to each other - but you live on completely different sides of the country. Even if you did see her, then what? She'll just go back to where she lives and that's that. Long distance rarely works. If you were just looking for a hook-up, then sure, maybe it was a possibility. But from the tone of your post, it seems that you were interested in more than that, completely over-investing yourself in this person you barely know. I hope you've been exploring other romantic prospects during the time you've been chatting with her.

So many things could have happened that resulted in her not texting you anymore: she met someone, she has no interest in dating at this time in her life, etc.

Don't ever assume "you're golden" in the world of dating. Read the last several pages of this thread, and you'll see firsthand why. Things shift all the time, and this situation had many elements working against it from the start.

You never really "dated." You just texted. This is one of the reasons why we say to push for an in-person meetup asap and not to deal with long distance relationships. When there's no stakes, it's easy for them to ghost. Don't get attached in these situations - stay flexible and meeting others. Don't text too much. You don't want to have wasted your time.

Thanks for your input! I appreciate it. I haven't really been hung up on it too much since we stopped talking. More just curious about what happened. But you're right, it's best to just not assume anything and keep exploring other options. I'm sure she was exploring other options the whole time.

That being said, I don't want a long distance thing either. I think she was only there for a Masters program for a year, and was planning to come back here. But still, there were definitely too many unknowns now that I see some objective opinions on it. Sometimes it helps for someone to just say, "No! You're too invested in nothing!" Either way, I'm always exploring.

Thanks again!

 

[ZackieChan]

Thanks for your input! I appreciate it. I haven't really been hung up on it too much since we stopped talking. More just curious about what happened. But you're right, it's best to just not assume anything and keep exploring other options. I'm sure she was exploring other options the whole time.

That being said, I don't want a long distance thing either. I think she was only there for a Masters program for a year, and was planning to come back here. But still, there were definitely too many unknowns now that I see some objective opinions on it. Sometimes it helps for someone to just say, "No! You're too invested in nothing!" Either way, I'm always exploring.

Thanks again!

While you can be curious what happened, DO NOT get hung up on that. Many of the proud Dating-Gaf users of the past fell prey to that, never to return. They keep coming back with new possible reasons for why someone stopped talking with them, when in the end it doesn't matter. Don't be them! Learn to move on. Maybe watch Heat and heed the words of DeNiro.

 

[Afrocious]

While you can be curious what happened, DO NOT get hung up on that. Many of the proud Dating-Gaf users of the past fell prey to that, never to return. They keep coming back with new possible reasons for why someone stopped talking with them, when in the end it doesn't matter. Don't be them! Learn to move on. Maybe watch Heat and heed the words of DeNiro.

What were his words?

 

[ZackieChan]

What were his words?

A guy told me one time, "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."

Words to live by (until you find the right one, of course).

 

[Idde]

Don't really post a lot in this thread, though I lurk, so this might be a pretty personal story out of the blue, but I'm just looking for some help, a bit of insight and will probably get some judgement, which is be completely deserved. Coming up is a (probably) pretty long post about how I've ran into the boundaries of my own principles. I just want to write it down and get it off of my chest.

A couple pages ago I posted about a girl at my gym, she sat next to me at the bar twice, and we pretty much hit it of. I add her on facebook, ask her out, and she says she has a boyfriend. Whenever someone here writes something like this the first thing that goes through my mind is: "abort abort abort." Which is also what went though my mind. And even though the facebook conversation was pretty funny/interesting, I cut it of because she already has a relationship; and I really have one rule; don't break people up. There's plenty of fish in the sea and I don't want to be a selfish asshole who's responsible for other peoples misery. I just think to myself; well that was a nice conversation and move on. Like I've done a billion times before. No biggie.

So, two days later she sends me text via facebook. She knows I'm studying to become a sports psychologist, she mentions she's had a shitty day, it's about to rain, she doesn't feel like going to the gym, she knows she'll feel better when she's there, she needs an extra push, and she thought she'd ask her favorite sports psychologist (that would be me) to work his magic.

I was about to go to the gym myself, and in a pretty funny conversation I motivate her to go work out. We arrive at pretty much the same time, and the chemistry is so noticeable that one of the guys who works there comments on it. Again, I just think: damn, it's such a shame she's in a relationship, but whatever. When I get home I get a text thanking me for making her work out, and making her laugh after a crappy day at work. I respond, all the while feeling guilty towards her boyfriend.

Yesterday I went to a concert with a good female friend of mine. We talk about relationships a lot, and the girl from the gym comes up. She says I become really happy when talking about her and, I guess it's true. Though I don't really want to be.

My friend goes through all the arguments I've read here a billion times. "You're not responsible for other peoples happiness. You can't force her to leave her boyfriend, if she thinks you're a better fit she's free to chose whoever she wants. I don't care about some other guy being happy, I want you to be happy. That other guy doesn't own her."

Whenever I've read these arguments online I always thought they were just said or thought to appease the scumbags conscience. I still do. However, in this case I am the scumbag thinking those things myself, and I see some merit to them.

Of course, I can just cut of all contact with this girl. I've been on quite a few dates myself in the four years I was single. I'm perfectly happy being single with more than enough shit to do. And I don't want to be one of those sappy one-itis guys who puts someone on a pedestal and pines for them all day long. I've got better things to do.

Though I don't really want it to, the next part is gonna feel pretty pedestal and one-itis like. In those four years I've come to the conclusion I'm really...picky. For some reason I just don't have a lot of chemistry with people, and it's not something I can fake. And I figured out I really like intelligent people. And sportive types. And my sense of humor definitely isn't for everyone. In those four years nobody's held my interest for more than three dates. Which kind of made me doubt if I was ever gonna find someone who would be interesting for longer than that.

Of course, meeting someone who can make me feel entertained for quite awhile kind of puts my doubts to rest, so that's a plus already. But this girl so far has literally EVERYTHING I like in a woman. And despite all the fish in the sea, so far that's only happened to me once. Back then I made the decision to not be responsible for some people breaking up, but seeing the film of their proposal kind of made me regret it, though I really like THAT guy.

Now, as I'm typing this she's sending me her favorite song via facebook text, and we're setting up a day when she can lend me her favorite book for me to read.

So...what do I do? Go along with it, and feel guilty? Go along with it, and just enjoy it for what it is? Go along with it, enjoy it for what it is, and hope it turns into something more? (I sound like an asshole). Or just break all contact, continue on with my life, and hope I meet someone equally awesome, but without a boyfriend? Which could be tomorrow, in three years, or never.

I realize this is a big wall of text, that I sound like an asshole for entertaining certain thoughts, and that this might come out of the blue since I don't really post lot here. But I hope some people might have some perspective, and I wanted to type it out.

 

[Leeness]

Zackie, are you coming to Vancouver this month? Vern mentioned you might be.

If so, we can grab a coffee and you can meet the city pariah, if you want.

 

[Pasta_Soup]

So...what do I do? Go along with it, and feel guilty? Go along with it, and just enjoy it for what it is? Go along with it, enjoy it for what it is, and hope it turns into something more? (I sound like an asshole). Or just break all contact, continue on with my life, and hope I meet someone equally awesome, but without a boyfriend? Which could be tomorrow, in three years, or never.

What makes you think she'll break up with her boyfriend for you? You seem to be convinced that if you continue down this path, she'll end up with you or that you'll create friction in her relationship.

It sounds more like she's totally fine with just being friends - unless she's given you some hardcore signals that she wants you to make a move or something.

If you can separate these romantic feelings from your friendship with her, then continue being her friend. Maybe she has friends she could introduce you to that are both intelligent and sporty. But if you can't separate your feelings, then you'll probably just continue to feel guilty about secretly wishing she'd be with you. And that's unhealthy for both of you, as I'm sure you realize.

And you definitely don't sound like an asshole. You're aware of the situation, and willing to make a change. I think most people have been in similar situations. I know I have.

 

[Ristifer]

While you can be curious what happened, DO NOT get hung up on that. Many of the proud Dating-Gaf users of the past fell prey to that, never to return. They keep coming back with new possible reasons for why someone stopped talking with them, when in the end it doesn't matter. Don't be them! Learn to move on. Maybe watch Heat and heed the words of DeNiro.

Good advice on both fronts, as I haven't actually watched Heat in years. So kudos to you!

 

[SolidSnake9]

Kinda got a bit into a little tiff with the GF, nothing big but a little squabble.

You see it bothers me that my girlfriend doesn't tell guys that are hitting on her that she's already taken, sure she will deny them saying "not interested" or "busy" and tell me about it when we talk but I just notice she never tells the guys who hit on her that she already has a boyfriend... Should it bother me? Am I making a big deal out of this? Who cares what reason she gives as long as it is denying them, right?

 

[stn]

I realize this is a big wall of text, that I sound like an asshole for entertaining certain thoughts, and that this might come out of the blue since I don't really post lot here. But I hope some people might have some perspective, and I wanted to type it out.

Thing is, there's no in-between in these situations. You want to avoid being the bad guy, right, but the truth is you are still enabling her. You either greatly diminish the amount of attention you give her or see it all through and ask her out. You are still planting seeds every time you talk to her, exchange a Facebook text, or borrow her favorite book. And you know it.

The funny thing is, if you continue down this path you might "Nice Guy" yourself out of an actual shot with her. Giving her attention and borrowing her books is exactly the type of passive behavior that will make her think you're not gutsy enough to make a move. Its not that I'm saying go be a home-wrecker, just that you might as well make a move if you've already gotten this far.

This is the type of situation that should be fully avoided if one has no intention to see it to the end; if one has other intentions, however, then that person might as well make a move. Just be warned: there can be a lack of stability with a person who opts for one shiny toy over an older shiny toy, if you get my drift.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Kinda got a bit into a little tiff with the GF, nothing big but a little squabble.

You see it bothers me that my girlfriend doesn't tell guys that are hitting on her that she's already taken, sure she will deny them saying "not interested" or "busy" and tell me about it when we talk but I just notice she never tells the guys who hit on her that she already has a boyfriend... Should it bother me? Am I making a big deal out of this? Who cares what reason she gives as long as it is denying them, right?

You're enforcing the idea that she's your property and can't reject someone on her own, because men only respect the property of other men. Let her do it her way.

Do you want her to be rejecting them just because she's taken by you, implying she would be with them otherwise?

 

[ZackieChan]

Zackie, are you coming to Vancouver this month? Vern mentioned you might be.

If so, we can grab a coffee and you can meet the city pariah, if you want.

I'm not 100% sure yet. If I do I'll pm you!

 

[Llyranor]

Kinda got a bit into a little tiff with the GF, nothing big but a little squabble.

You see it bothers me that my girlfriend doesn't tell guys that are hitting on her that she's already taken, sure she will deny them saying "not interested" or "busy" and tell me about it when we talk but I just notice she never tells the guys who hit on her that she already has a boyfriend... Should it bother me? Am I making a big deal out of this? Who cares what reason she gives as long as it is denying them, right?

Her saying she's 'taken' won't stop some guys from hitting on her anyway. If she's clearly rejecting them, it doesn't really matter. Don't let jealousy and mistrust seep into your relationship.

 

[gaiages]

Her saying she's 'taken' won't stop some guys from hitting on her anyway. If she's clearly rejecting them, it doesn't really matter. Don't let jealousy and mistrust seep into your relationship.

Yep. I have trouble telling guys flat out "no" for reasons (it's usually when I'm public transportation and people on buses can be legit crazy), and my bf doesn't get upset that I deflect rather than be blunt. Rather he's excited to net a gf cute enough to get hit on every once and a while

 

[Leeness]

I'm not 100% sure yet. If I do I'll pm you!

Sounds good!

 

[Banjo-Kazooie]

So, about the flowers... She REALLY liked it, thought it was amazingly thoughtful since she was stressed, and it made her smile.

My gamble dun paid off

 

[Kopite]

Just had this slightly confusing conversation with an acquaintance I thought of recently and decided to ask her out.

Me: Hey, do you wanna go out on a date with me? Lets do dinner this Saturday night

Her: Hey, sorry for the late reply. Yeah, let's hang out Saturday night~ what do you have in mind?
But let me make this clear; we're just hanging out as friends, nothing more.
So I wouldn't call it a "date", just an outing.

Me: I am asking you out on a date. In that we meet up for coffee as friends and get to know each other better and see if we have any potential moving forward
If you're not interested, that's fine

Her: I see... Well I'm up for getting to know you better. Just making sure we're on the same page you never know, some people think being on a date means more than just getting to know someone
So any place in mind?
I have to sleep now... So I might not reply till tomorrow morning (before work) or night (after work).
Good night~

Me: Lol yeah, but I do intend to explore and see if we have any chemistry smile emoticon
I'm thinking of coffee anywhere close to where you live, otherwise coffee in City A would be great too. Night

Her: Hmm.. How about place X? Lots of choices there, and we can go see a movie or do other stuff if we want.

Me: Place X is good

So am I going out on a date or what? Am I already screwed? I honestly she wasn't interested so I was being clear and it seemed to have swayed her? We're still on for tonight actually, so how do I indicate my intentions properly without coming across as needy?

 

[ZackieChan]

Doesn't sound like she wants to date you. In fact, you backed down on it halfway through with your "let's see where things go" answer. I don't think this is what you think it is.

 

[Kopite]

Doesn't sound like she wants to date you. In fact, you backed down on it halfway through with your "let's see where things go" answer. I don't think this is what you think it is.

Yeah you're probably right, what should I have said instead? Or was it a no-win scenario?

I think what's throwing me off is the fact that she wants to watch a movie even though I've spoken to her for like 15 mins tops.

 

[ZackieChan]

Yeah you're probably right, what should I have said instead? Or was it a no-win scenario?

I think what's throwing me off is the fact that she wants to watch a movie even though I've spoken to her for like 15 mins tops.

This here:
"I am asking you out on a date. In that we meet up for coffee as friends and get to know each other better and see if we have any potential moving forward
If you're not interested, that's fine "

Too many things show a lack of confidence and directness. Coffee as friends. If you're not interested. Potential moving forward. All of that is no good.

Stick to your guns, and if she isn't interested, move on.

 

[Ambitious]

It's been about three months since my last post in here in which I expressed my disappointment about all my OKC messages being ignored without a reply. Since then, I have of course contacted several other users. In total, I received exactly one response. One fucking response. A very positive one, actually - but nonetheless, after my subsequent message? Silence.

And the only user so far who messaged me first also stopped responding in the midst of a genuinely nice conversation.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

It's been about three months since my last post in here in which I expressed my disappointment about all my OKC messages being ignored without a reply. Since then, I have of course contacted several other users. In total, I received exactly one response. One fucking response. A very positive one, actually - but nonetheless, after my subsequent message? Silence.

And the only user so far who messaged me first also stopped responding in the midst of a genuinely nice conversation.

What sort of messages do you send out?

 

[Ambitious]

What sort of messages do you send out?

I compliment their tastes, I point out shared interests, I comment on their questions/answers, I provide answers and clarifications to questions they ask in the explanation field of some OKC question, and so on.

Some might have been a bit too trivial, I guess.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

I compliment their tastes, I point out shared interests, I comment on their questions/answers, I provide answers and clarifications to questions they ask in the explanation field of some OKC question, and so on.

Some might have been a bit too trivial, I guess.

Sounds like way more than two sentences.

Ideally you're just saying hi in a way that catches their attention in a positive way, like showing your sense of humor regarding a shared interest.

 

[Ambitious]

Sounds like way more than two sentences.

Ideally you're just saying hi in a way that catches their attention in a positive way, like showing your sense of humor regarding a shared interest.

Oh, no, sorry for the misunderstanding: I meant that I write about one of those things, not about all at once. And I do try to keep it short.

 

[ZackieChan]

Oh, no, sorry for the misunderstanding: I meant that I write about one of those things, not about all at once. And I do try to keep it short.

That's why I prefer apps that "match" you or you "choose" someone, like Tinder, Bumble, or Coffee Meets Bagel. You come pre-vetted, almost. The chance of a reply is higher than just cold messaging someone.

 

[Idde]

What makes you think she'll break up with her boyfriend for you? You seem to be convinced that if you continue down this path, she'll end up with you or that you'll create friction in her relationship.

It sounds more like she's totally fine with just being friends - unless she's given you some hardcore signals that she wants you to make a move or something.

If you can separate these romantic feelings from your friendship with her, then continue being her friend. Maybe she has friends she could introduce you to that are both intelligent and sporty. But if you can't separate your feelings, then you'll probably just continue to feel guilty about secretly wishing she'd be with you. And that's unhealthy for both of you, as I'm sure you realize.

And you definitely don't sound like an asshole. You're aware of the situation, and willing to make a change. I think most people have been in similar situations. I know I have.

I'm not assuming she'll break up with her boyfriend, I have no clue about what's going to happen. But I've let three of my female friends read the facebook conversation, and they all said that her boyfriend probably wouldn't like the conversation (though I'm still trying to keep it normal), and that someone who is in a perfect relationship probably wouldn't respond like that. Of course that's no guarantee whatsoever. But my dilemma mostly boils down to: do I want to interact with someone in a manner that makes her boyfriend unfomfortable (and what I'm feeling guilty about), or do I want to back out of something that I (and the girl as well) finds very entertaining. I'm leaning towards interacting in a way that feels natural, and if that's too flirty....too bad... I'm still regretting the last time I made the decision not to.

Thing is, there's no in-between in these situations. You want to avoid being the bad guy, right, but the truth is you are still enabling her. You either greatly diminish the amount of attention you give her or see it all through and ask her out. You are still planting seeds every time you talk to her, exchange a Facebook text, or borrow her favorite book. And you know it.

The funny thing is, if you continue down this path you might "Nice Guy" yourself out of an actual shot with her. Giving her attention and borrowing her books is exactly the type of passive behavior that will make her think you're not gutsy enough to make a move. Its not that I'm saying go be a home-wrecker, just that you might as well make a move if you've already gotten this far.

This is the type of situation that should be fully avoided if one has no intention to see it to the end; if one has other intentions, however, then that person might as well make a move. Just be warned: there can be a lack of stability with a person who opts for one shiny toy over an older shiny toy, if you get my drift.

This is exactly how I feel. Of course there's no way of telling how she feels about this, but I'm pretty sure some seeds have been planted in her mind as well. The conversations have been too awesome not to. And as I mentioned above; that's what I feel guilty about. I'm enjoying myself talking to another guys girlfriend, and I'm planting seeds; partly hoping they'll take hold.

If this girl was not in a relationship, I'd have asked her to go rockclimbing already, because she mentioned she likes climbing, as do I. Just because it would be awesome to do together. But I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't also be to impress her, which is typically what happens on my rock climbing dates.

And yeah, I completely get the gist of your toy analogy. But sometimes one toy might just possibly be a little better suited to ones tastes than the other one, right?

 

[stn]

And yeah, I completely get the gist of your toy analogy. But sometimes one toy might just possibly be a little better suited to ones tastes than the other one, right?

Sure, of course. But my thing is I would want that person to at least break up first. I guess I'm just not a fan of someone doing that kind of juggling. I understand having a backup when you're in the initial stages of dating, but keeping your current bf/gf only because the better option hasn't made a move yet just rubs me the wrong way. Know what I mean?

Either way, commit to your decision. Either cut contact severely and stop entertaining her, or go forward with it and make a move. Otherwise you'll feel guilty while still hanging on the thread of being a nice guy/friendzone guy to her. This is fine when you truly are okay with being her friend, but I think we both know you have other intentions in mind.

 

[Bleepey]

Are there any autolikers people recommend?

 

[Reave]

Just had this slightly confusing conversation with an acquaintance I thought of recently and decided to ask her out.

Me: Hey, do you wanna go out on a date with me? Lets do dinner this Saturday night

Her: Hey, sorry for the late reply. Yeah, let's hang out Saturday night~ what do you have in mind?
But let me make this clear; we're just hanging out as friends, nothing more.
So I wouldn't call it a "date", just an outing.

Me: I am asking you out on a date. In that we meet up for coffee as friends and get to know each other better and see if we have any potential moving forward
If you're not interested, that's fine

Her: I see... Well I'm up for getting to know you better. Just making sure we're on the same page you never know, some people think being on a date means more than just getting to know someone
So any place in mind?
I have to sleep now... So I might not reply till tomorrow morning (before work) or night (after work).
Good night~

Me: Lol yeah, but I do intend to explore and see if we have any chemistry smile emoticon
I'm thinking of coffee anywhere close to where you live, otherwise coffee in City A would be great too. Night

Her: Hmm.. How about place X? Lots of choices there, and we can go see a movie or do other stuff if we want.

Me: Place X is good

So am I going out on a date or what? Am I already screwed? I honestly she wasn't interested so I was being clear and it seemed to have swayed her? We're still on for tonight actually, so how do I indicate my intentions properly without coming across as needy?

Honestly, you could be setting yourself up for quite a headache with this. If your intention is to date her, and her intention is to hang out, you two aren't looking for the same thing. I know that's a "no shit, Sherlock" thing to say, but you have to get very clear about that as soon as possible if you're going to go through with this. Otherwise, if your meetup goes well, you might start trying to read between lines that might not even exist.

What I mean by that is, you don't want to get caught in an analytical trap of dissecting everything she did, everything she said, how she said it, her body language, and so on -- hoping to string together some sort of theory that maybe she really is interested in you in a dating sense. Not only will that shit wear you out, but it could set you up for disappointment if she really wasn't interested in making this a date thing all along.

If I were you, I wouldn't say anything about your true intentions to this girl at all. Instead, just carry yourself in a confident, care-free way with a dose of chivalry to show that you're a good guy and good company. That way, you could potentially get her thinking about you (in a dating sense), but of her own volition.

In other words, be a great guy and leave it to her to connect the dots about you. You should want her to leave this meetup thinking "I know I just wanted to be friends with him, but... hmm." And as for you, your focus should just be to have a great time and get on with your life like normal. Be secure with yourself that if she doesn't end up liking you the way you wanted her to, it's no big deal because if she didn't want you, another great girl will. And believe it or not, women do pick up on that calm, self-assured vibe, and it's attractive.

Best of luck!

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Honestly, you could be setting yourself up for quite a headache with this. If your intention is to date her, and her intention is to hang out, you two aren't looking for the same thing. I know that's a "no shit, Sherlock" thing to say, but you have to get very clear about that as soon as possible if you're going to go through with this. Otherwise, if your meetup goes well, you might start trying to read between lines that might not even exist.

What I mean by that is, you don't want to get caught in an analytical trap of dissecting everything she did, everything she said, how she said it, her body language, and so on -- hoping to string together some sort of theory that maybe she really is interested in you in a dating sense. Not only will that shit wear you out, but it could set you up for disappointment if she really wasn't interested in making this a date thing all along.

If I were you, I wouldn't say anything about your true intentions to this girl at all. Instead, just carry yourself in a confident, care-free way with a dose of chivalry to show that you're a good guy and good company. That way, you could potentially get her thinking about you (in a dating sense), but of her own volition.

In other words, be a great guy and leave it to her to connect the dots about you. You should want her to leave this meetup thinking "I know I just wanted to be friends with him, but... hmm." And as for you, your focus should just be to have a great time and get on with your life like normal. Be secure with yourself that if she doesn't end up liking you the way you wanted her to, it's no big deal because if she didn't want you, another great girl will. And believe it or not, women do pick up on that calm, self-assured vibe, and it's attractive.

Best of luck!

Why would you not say anything about your true intentions when you say it can cause a headache for him and he should make it clear asap. You're saying he should make it clear as soon as possible but not too soon... It just sounds like a recipe for disaster.