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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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So that gives me 6 dates in 7 days, with a potential for a 7th if I squeeze one in Monday or Wednesday. I think my previous record was 3 in a week.

Yeah, it's not that hard to do this, but man, it's fucking exhausting. I had a "7 dates in 7 days" gauntlet last year, and I've got NeoGAF's two words for you: never again. I basically refuse to do back-to-backs these days, and I'll try not to schedule anything during the week. God help you if you're doing two-a-days.

Find a sustainable balance between seeing multiple people and your health and wallet.

I'm actually kinda glad that the girl I'm seeing is away for a week. It'll give us some time to think. Meanwhile, another girl's coming over tonight -- which cuts into my gaming/relaxing time -- to hang out. Told her I just wanted to be friends (and I was sincere about that), but there's FWB potential until (if) I go exclusive with someone.
 
Dat feel when you are hanging with your fwb and her gf shows up and they start playing with each other.

So what porn were you watching, exactly?

I kid. Mostly.

I've done it too, juggling 4 girls at the same time. Also a big "never again." It's too much work. I'm old, I want to relax.

I'm having enough trouble balancing two dates with different girls in one week. I can't imagine four, much less a full week of dates with different girls.
 

Kevtones

Member
So someone I dated for a month decided to end things on Wednesday (when I typed this). Telling me that I want a relationship and that she’s not ready for one. We already talked about this and I was into casually dating and seeing where things went. We went on like 10 dates and had lots of sex. We completely hit it off.

She got a little distant randomly this week but was super communicative and affectionate over the phone/texts. Then she cancels way late on me the past two days.

She replies this morning asking if I’m upset and I say no just disappointed you didn’t call like you said you would. No big deal. She then ends it telling me how I feel. I text her a few lines of text that I don’t appreciate her projecting that on to me and think it’s disrespectful. I then say good luck and take care.

She responds ‘Wow. You are so intense all the time. Please stop texting me.’ Literally spins on a dime after speaking to me yesterday, calling me darling, baby, all that stuff. I was not cling-y nor did I ever text her all that much.


I texted her back 'Take care and good luck' and then deleted her number. Deleted IG association.



Frustrating but oh well.
 
Tinder update: After finally getting a yes on tinder to go out to bowling, she had to cancel tonight because she had to babysit, asked if we could do it tomorrow. I said, sure and made sure to say "then it's date?" And she said it's a date. Woo. God bless. That leaves me time to juggle my coworker tonight after she asked if I'm going out drinking tonight. Just need to relax, and keep being me. :)
 
So someone I dated for a month decided to end things on Wednesday (when I typed this). Telling me that I want a relationship and that she’s not ready for one. We already talked about this and I was into casually dating and seeing where things went. We went on like 10 dates and had lots of sex. We completely hit it off.

She got a little distant randomly this week but was super communicative and affectionate over the phone/texts. Then she cancels way late on me the past two days.

She replies this morning asking if I’m upset and I say no just disappointed you didn’t call like you said you would. No big deal. She then ends it telling me how I feel. I text her a few lines of text that I don’t appreciate her projecting that on to me and think it’s disrespectful. I then say good luck and take care.

She responds ‘Wow. You are so intense all the time. Please stop texting me.’ Literally spins on a dime after speaking to me yesterday, calling me darling, baby, all that stuff. I was not cling-y nor did I ever text her all that much.


I texted her back 'Take care and good luck' and then deleted her number. Deleted IG association.



Frustrating but oh well.

I feel like this isn't said enough: you're doing it right. Congrats.

Meanwhile, I broke things off with a girl that I didn't see a relationship with. You know you made the right call when the thing you're most excited about is the plate of drunken noodles she didn't finish.
 
Some girls are batshit crazy.

So we matched on Tinder a couple years back,we talked for a bit and had made plans to go out but she started to make me feel uncomfortable (texting continously until I replied, asking where I was and who I was with) so I called things off.

Eventually she took the hint that I was no longer interested anymore and apart from liking new profile pics on Facebook and selfies (she's a fan of the beard) on Instagram she pretty much left me alone. That was until yesterday.

So I was out with my girlfriend yesterday around town, minding my own business when I get a message from the Tinder girl saying, "I didn't know you're with someone!!". Wut. I've not spoken to or thought about you in like a year.

Who I see is none of her business and I certainly didn't feel the need to message her when she changed her relationship status to being in a relationship on Facebook. Anyways I messaged her back saying "Yeah I like to keep things quiet" to which her response was "Lol...." followed by her blocking me and then texting/begging me to re-add her.

Glad I dodged that bullet
 
okay. So i went to a pokemon bar crawl last night. ended up hooking up with a super cute having some drunk fun that night and in the morning and then getting coffee and walking around town afterwards. girl is actually moving to NY on thursday... fuck. just my luck.

She doesnt like casual hooks up but still wants to get sushi on tuesday near my house as "friends"...

Think she is just saying that to make herself seem more straight laced?

im going to play it really safe and only go in for a kiss if she seems like she wants it.
 

Cudder

Member
okay. So i went to a pokemon bar crawl last night. ended up hooking up with a super cute having some drunk fun that night and in the morning and then getting coffee and walking around town afterwards. girl is actually moving to NY on thursday... fuck. just my luck.

She doesnt like casual hooks up but still wants to get sushi on tuesday near my house as "friends"...

Think she is just saying that to make herself seem more straight laced?

im going to play it really safe and only go in for a kiss if she seems like she wants it.
Tell her you have a really high CP Weedle, then ask if she wants to see it.
 
GAF you can take my man card, for the second time over. Met up with the tinder date. Went bowling (got my first strike!!), went to get pizza, then talked for two hours in her car while listening to music and watching the lightning and rain. At one point, she even pulled out condoms and said, "look at all these my coworker gave me the other day. She said I'd need them." I think I doubly revoke my man card now.

I know I should take what I can get, and I was feeling the vibe, but damn. I just can't? Something about my own mentality just needs more than pizza and sex after one date?
This is why my ex said I was the chick in the relationship when it came to this.
I'm a 23 year old male, but I'm turning down offers. Kill me.
 

M52B28

Banned
GAF you can take my man card, for the second time over. Met up with the tinder date. Went bowling (got my first strike!!), went to get pizza, then talked for two hours in her car while listening to music and watching the lightning and rain. At one point, she even pulled out condoms and said, "look at all these my coworker gave me the other day. She said I'd need them." I think I doubly revoke my man card now.

I know I should take what I can get, and I was feeling the vibe, but damn. I just can't? Something about my own mentality just needs more than pizza and sex after one date?
This is why my ex said I was the chick in the relationship when it came to this.
I'm a 23 year old male, but I'm turning down offers. Kill me.
That's just catastrophic.
 

Salamando

Member
GAF you can take my man card, for the second time over. Met up with the tinder date. Went bowling (got my first strike!!), went to get pizza, then talked for two hours in her car while listening to music and watching the lightning and rain. At one point, she even pulled out condoms and said, "look at all these my coworker gave me the other day. She said I'd need them." I think I doubly revoke my man card now.

I know I should take what I can get, and I was feeling the vibe, but damn. I just can't? Something about my own mentality just needs more than pizza and sex after one date?
This is why my ex said I was the chick in the relationship when it came to this.
I'm a 23 year old male, but I'm turning down offers. Kill me.

If there's anything I want to take away your man card for, it's your juvenile notion that there's something wrong with a man turning down sex. A man (or woman) can turn down sex for any reason whatsoever, even if they don't actually have a reason!

It sounds like you just have a low sex drive? Or you're not meeting girls solely for sex? You just need to find a girl with complementary tastes.
 

gaiages

Banned
What's with the sudden rash of guys feeling bad about not jumping on sex the first time it's available? It's not a big deal, just do whatever feels right, christ.
 
I had a fantastic tinder date the other night. We met up for drinks and it was clear from the beginning that we have the same kind of humour, similar interests etc. Everything went smoothly, we got a little tipsy and made out. We didn't go home together but made plans for the next day to go cycling. When she got home, she texted me that she had a great evening and was asking me if I arrived safely.

So the next day I text her to ask about our cycling plans and she answers she doesn't feel well. I wish her a fast recovery and she replies "Thank you". No rescheduling, no mention of seeing each other again, nothing. So my educated guess is that this story is over.

I'm not super invested in this, but I really would have liked to have a second date with her. With all the first dates I had so far, I know that a great first date is something that I don't come across too often. At least I have a date with another girl scheduled for Friday.

Going on actual dates is fun, but all the trouble surrounding it makes the whole process quite exhausting (and sometimes depressing).
 
What's with the sudden rash of guys feeling bad about not jumping on sex the first time it's available? It's not a big deal, just do whatever feels right, christ.

There is a whole culture of guys being sex hungry. And the whole idea that getting and sleeping with women is the end goal. So if you pass it up it comes across as "why cant I do what all these othet people manage"

It's stupid, but this isn't some new concept.
 

Jokab

Member
What's with the sudden rash of guys feeling bad about not jumping on sex the first time it's available? It's not a big deal, just do whatever feels right, christ.

It's not sudden at all. Society tells men that they should be horny all the time and take any opportunity for sex that arises. If you pass up sex, you're an idiot. If you never have sex, you're a loser. It's stupid, frankly.
 

Scotch

Member
GAF you can take my man card, for the second time over. Met up with the tinder date. Went bowling (got my first strike!!), went to get pizza, then talked for two hours in her car while listening to music and watching the lightning and rain. At one point, she even pulled out condoms and said, "look at all these my coworker gave me the other day. She said I'd need them." I think I doubly revoke my man card now.

I know I should take what I can get, and I was feeling the vibe, but damn. I just can't? Something about my own mentality just needs more than pizza and sex after one date?
This is why my ex said I was the chick in the relationship when it came to this.
I'm a 23 year old male, but I'm turning down offers. Kill me.
You can't? Or you don't want to?

If it's the latter, no big deal. If it's the former (i.e. you can't because you're too anxious of whatever, and then regret it afterwards) then that could be a problem. Your posts makes it sound like you regret your decision, but I'm not sure if you regret it for your own sake, or if it's because you think it says something about your manhood (it doesn't).
 

gaiages

Banned
There is a whole culture of guys being sex hungry. And the whole idea that getting and sleeping with women is the end goal. So if you pass it up it comes across as "why cant I do what all these othet people manage"

It's stupid, but this isn't some new concept.

It's not sudden at all. Society tells men that they should be horny all the time and take any opportunity for sex that arises. If you pass up sex, you're an idiot. If you never have sex, you're a loser. It's stupid, frankly.

I just meant in the thread the last few pages, not society in itself :p I find most here are a bit more level headed about the whole sex thing here (unless they are virgins sometimes, but it's understandable because it's like a double down on societal pressures)
 
Need to rant cause Saturday killed my mood, never been this taciturn, anxious, and pretty angry in a while. It's all nothing but something at the same time lol, one of those sorry in advance

-sigh-

So there is this girl I kinda instantly was attracted too when I saw her at a friends event a few months ago, maybe like 3 or 4 so. Fast forward a few months to the present and we met several times at more events. I've made an effort to approach her each time and make at least a small conversation. Added her to FB, talked a bit, invited her to me and my friends pretty big insane train party where she kept saying how much fun she had ect. Talking and talking blah blah. Taking it slow, seems like its going well between us. Getting more confident on making a move at some point.

Now a bit before I met her, and started trying to take things slow, I got approached by another lady and had been meeting her and having sex every few weeks. She made it pretty clear we were not boyfriend girlfriend so I left it at that and kept our "lets get a drink" (come get me from the bar and lets go to your house) thing on the dl. Tons of my friends dont like this girl, tell me to move on so I started to, hence the girl in the first paragraph. I met the hookup less and less and generally tone down my behavior with other women to kinda get my head and life in the right spot. Yeah the first paragraph girl is one of those types that makes you wanna be a better guy,

Anyway Saturday.

Were having a big party we always have for people to meet each other locals, some nearby, and in general make friends in their new home. I'm in Japan by the way. I was looking for her at our dinner portion of the party since I saw she was coming on the FB page. Din't see her, and was like oh well. Second party starts at the club and I see her sitting there in the VIP just hanging out. Awesome! Say hi, cheers our drinks, ask her to dance and have fun a bit later after I make my rounds making sure everyone found the place, got their drinks and no problems ect. Come back from being a good host, pull her out, we dance, talk, having fun, waiting for our friend a dj to start his set.

After a while maybe an hour and a half she randomly taps my arm to say something, no idea what she will say since I started most of the talking. Says "I was wondering if you had a girlfriend? You are always really kind to everyone and take care of them even if you don't know them. You must have a nice girlfriend..." So not only did my heart skip a beat at this point, but I can't believe she freaking asked. I tell her no, then of course ask if shes got a boyfriend. She says "No I'm free, always free..." we kinda look at each other for a sec and give that smiling nod... you know.

Friend comes back with his girlfriend like 2 minutes later, both are my best friends, I tell them what just happened. See my friend tell his girlfriend (who does not speak english so she didnt catch all that I said) and she gets super excited and happy, all is fucking going well. Fastforward, the drinks are flowing, shes still next to me and for some reason I notice a guy I know who always comes to our events is here. I wanted to say hi but had more important things to worry about. I see him looking in our general direction but was pretty w/e about it. Figure he is looking at someone else or looking for one of our friends who he is always with. About 2 hours later he randomly comes up and puts his arm around her hip (im still next to her at this point) and keeps trying to talk to her. At first shes pretty unresponsive to him, get her away from him a few times, keeps asking her to drink she says no, of course I'm like wtf. but trying to not worry. not be pushy, not be that guy about a girl who I don't have an official relationship with. And I expect people to be able to make their own decisions.

Friends see it and are like wtf this isn't ok. Especially when they remember he has a girlfriend. Like common with shit like this. I end up having to step out of for a few minutes, maybe 20 or so since someone had too much to drink and couldn't get home safely without a bunch of random dudes trying to "take her home" and her friends left her alone. Come back and the girl I was after this whole time is finally drinking again (apparently there were about 4 rounds of free shots given out in the time I was gone) hes still got his arm around her at the bar, shes not facing him, but hes trying. I'm like fuck it at this point and get dragged out by my friends before I make a big deal out of this, too tired from taking care of people, and the event, to be able to handle the situation calmly. My friends gf who is super protective of me (and keeps bad women away from me, seriously lol, shes like a pitbull/sister when she does not like the women I talk to or that talk to me) is bad mouthing the girl saying fuck ladies like that and what not in Japanese.

Me and a small group of new people to the town go to my friends bar, I go ahead and rant to the owner. Hes like just drink and forget, we will get over this. The others come in, turns out two of the girls that tagged along are friends with the girl I liked. We talked abit and at some point the tequila hit me and I finally just blurted it out, "That guy has a fucking girlfriend and it pisses me off" When her friend realized who I was talking about she immediately calls her and runs out the bar.

Night ends a bit after that, I go home pretty dissapointed that I still can't find a seemingly decent lady in this city which is terrible to think. Get a text the next morning from a friend of the guy who was being a sleaze. She asks him what happened on the sly, and confirms nothing serious happened, he kissed her once but thats all he could get.

Now I'm in the corner of do I talk to her again like nothing happened and keep on the talky trail. Go for a slightly more direct approach and kinda make it know what mind set I'm in about us after she asked about the girlfriend situation. Ask what she thinks about the guy she ended her night with in a clearly not happy way. Or some other most likely better option that I can't think of since I'm so annoyed.

sorry for the nonsense story, I just need to get this shit out of my head. The whole day was amazingly tiring, super busy, random problems with the guests at the party like cops being called, bringing an underage school girl and shit... The "everything will be ok" moment of it got completely shattered in an instant.

Even worse is the girl I was hooking up with earlier in the year started contacting me again too... I don't want to go back to her but now I'm really considering it after this.
 
I hope you recognized that this reads like garbage. I'll explain why. It's because that is entirely what this situation is. This girl is not a good person. What she is doing (if you are describing it as is and she is totally forthcoming (which is doubtful)) is not noble, it's not selfless and it's not giving.

I don't understand how the fuck you could type this out and see no issue. The flag is red man.

I figured I would post my update in response to this one. In particular since some people took interest.

So, basically, spent the weekend with her, did quite a few delightful/evil things with/to her, and she is cutting it off with her side pieces to be with me.

The thing is, our entire relationship is just full blown honest with one another. I've never been this honest with a person and she claims the same with me.

We talk about this a few times on here, but lets face facts - many girls when you first meet them, and anecdotally all of my single female friends share this, have a few side pieces that they see regularly. Mine was no different in this regard. What was different is that she told me about it up front, and didn't want to break any commitments she had made to them already (although she's only seen the one guy on Wednesday, hasn't spoken to anyone else, and apparently just wants to see me). But why should she? We're not exclusive (yet), and at that point she hadn't even known me for a week. I just don't see the logic in why she should give up a few good things she got going cause a new candidate has come up that she hadn't even met with more than once shows up.

Again, only difference here from my point of view was that she told me about what else was going on on the side. This weekend was a whirlwind for us though, and what started as something that might be casual but could become more is quickly becoming something special between us.

I don't think she's being intentionally dishonest. But she definitely strikes me as a person who will not be happy in a sexually monogamous relationship. Especially since instead of her giving a hard "no, we're done because I'm not romantically interested in you" to pity blowjob guy, she instead went with "I'll allow you to take me on dates but we are in no way romantically exclusive." And that presumably will still include the oral.

So my advice would be to not devote too much time to her if you're expecting a monogamous relationship. That's only going to end in frustration and/or heartbreak.

She's actually held quite a few sexually monogamous relationships - this exploration phase of hers is the result of her getting out of a long one that went basically sexless for the last 3 months of it or so, after years of it slowly spinning down the drain. As for Wednesday (the name me & her have jokingly bestowed upon him), she actually elaborated the situation fully to me, and she feels terrible for him because she has zero intention of having anything romantic with him, and he was both told & knew that going in, so his whole confession was a bit of an unexpected shock to her. She's already begun backing off him & has cancelled their standing date for the next 2 weeks so that she could spend more time with me instead.

I understand where she was coming from really, especially with regards to where we both were in terms of feeling one another prior to her date on wednesday. The truth was that she not only had met me once by that point & we had been primarily talking about shared kink & activities, but she didn't really know if there was a romantic spark beyond that sort of physical one we had felt initially. This weekend we spent together, which wasn't even supposed to be a weekend but we just couldn't get enough of one another, really cemented the fact for both of us that yes, there is a romantic spark there, and it kinda screws up both of our plans cause we had both made plans individually to do traveling individually these next few months and seek out some sexual fun during these excursions.

Also, I do have an open mindset - like I said, i'm a pretty big kinkster, and have been in relationships where me & my partner would do things with other parties. I'm not quite ready to try & turn this into an official relationship yet, mostly cause I have only known her for like 8 days at this point, and despite the incredible honesty we've had with one another to this point, there are still things I have yet to discover that could change my mind about her. However, everything has gone exceedingly well. Wednesday was the only bump, and the truth is if this were like any other budding relationship and she had done the thing most young girls I know would do, which is go see their FWB and not tell the guy they had just met 3 days earlier that she either has one or is going to see him, then none of this would've even come out. She chose to be honest with me instead, and I have been honest with her about how I feel.
 
Yeah, it's not that hard to do this, but man, it's fucking exhausting. I had a "7 dates in 7 days" gauntlet last year, and I've got NeoGAF's two words for you: never again. I basically refuse to do back-to-backs these days, and I'll try not to schedule anything during the week. God help you if you're doing two-a-days.

Find a sustainable balance between seeing multiple people and your health and wallet.

I'm actually kinda glad that the girl I'm seeing is away for a week. It'll give us some time to think. Meanwhile, another girl's coming over tonight -- which cuts into my gaming/relaxing time -- to hang out. Told her I just wanted to be friends (and I was sincere about that), but there's FWB potential until (if) I go exclusive with someone.

I've done it too, juggling 4 girls at the same time. Also a big "never again." It's too much work. I'm old, I want to relax.

Date 2 (Saturday night) was only okay. We got along well enough, but I decided to end it at a reasonable hour, don't think I'll ask her out again.

Date 3 (Sunday daytime) was half the day and not even really a date. We were hanging out with 2 of my friends, and she was very doting on me (you kinda have to be when you can't walk) and she had a great time. Our group hung out for about 7 hours, covering brunch, a seafood festival, and a bar afterwards. Definitely a fun gal to be around, great sense of humor and my friends loved her, but it was hard to gauge if there was anything romantic there given the setting. I'll probably see her again in the near future, but she may fit a little too neatly into the friend category. Upside - amazing abs from Crossfit. Plus she's a nurse, and I generally get along really well with nurses. Downside - a vegetarian, like my ex.

Date 4 (Sunday night) was odd. I was still drunk from date 3, and met her directly after just a few blocks away. She actually put on a bit of weight since her most recent tinder/FB pictures, so I was a bit miffed by the deception. Still, she was sharp, smart, and cute nonetheless. We had a few more drinks, listened to some live jazz, and then made out a little in the bar/outside. 50/50 if I'd want to date her - physical activity is big on my priority list, which Date 1 and Date 3 had in spades. She's also 5 years older than 1 and 3 (she's my age), which is not a big deal for dating, but it is for having kids.

Was so exhausted from yesterday that I took half the day off from work today. We'll see if my body can handle 3 more nights like this during the week before another weekend excursion. Pretty safe to say that I'm never going to try this again.
 
She's not into that other guy, obviously.

Definitely think she's into you with that comment she made.

And honestly, you wrote that whole story; it was an okay story but the answer is three words:

Ask. Her. Out.

On a date.

Yes. Holy fuck. Why did I read that whole thing?
 

I understand you are venting which is fine so some simple perspective.

This entire story does not indicate there is anything wrong man. This is like, a regular night out right down to douchebag with girlfriend being a douchebag. What's a big night out with a big group without drama? (Seriously, I would love to know)

If there is one take away from it should be, ask this girl on a date like asap.

The rest, just like forget it. And your not really friend with benefits, you should prob cut that out. If you dont actually like someone you should prob not project that illusion. It's not nice.
 

Zaphrynn

Member
Now I'm in the corner of do I talk to her again like nothing happened and keep on the talky trail. Go for a slightly more direct approach and kinda make it know what mind set I'm in about us after she asked about the girlfriend situation. Ask what she thinks about the guy she ended her night with in a clearly not happy way. Or some other most likely better option that I can't think of since I'm so annoyed.

Do not bring that guy up. Not only is it reeeaaally not your business, but it's really not your business. I don't think it's gonna help your chances to bring up the guy who was being potentially pretty creepy to her all night, especially if she catches on that you were annoyed. She should have told him to fuck off if not interested, but some people have a hard time doing that. Either way, you aren't dating her. Forget about this other dude.

slightly more direct approach and kinda make it know what mind set I'm in about us after she asked about the girlfriend situation

Be completely direct and ask this girl out. Don't explain any "mindset" you might be in, because there isn't really an "us" yet between the two of you. Ask her out on a date. Get that ball rolling.
 

Booser

Member

Ugh. Ask her out dude. Seems like you have an above average chance here at the very least.

The girl did nothing wrong, neither did you. It just seems you are a little frustrated you didn't make your feelings known earlier enough. Relax. Drunken douchebags are gonna douche. It doesn't affect anything between the two of you.

Report back as always. #teamGAF
 
GAF you can take my man card, for the second time over. Met up with the tinder date. Went bowling (got my first strike!!), went to get pizza, then talked for two hours in her car while listening to music and watching the lightning and rain. At one point, she even pulled out condoms and said, "look at all these my coworker gave me the other day. She said I'd need them." I think I doubly revoke my man card now.

I know I should take what I can get, and I was feeling the vibe, but damn. I just can't? Something about my own mentality just needs more than pizza and sex after one date?
This is why my ex said I was the chick in the relationship when it came to this.
I'm a 23 year old male, but I'm turning down offers. Kill me.

Like others have said, it's fine that you turned her down, but the bolded is like something out of a romantic comedy.
 

Jokab

Member
Maybe our dear Sexbang channelled his inner George Costanza



I'm gay! I'm a gay man! I'm very, very gay. Extraordinarily gay. Steeped in gayness.

Of course turning down sex is fine. But you being so oblivious to her hints is super funny lol
 

Llyranor

Member
So there is this girl I kinda instantly was attracted too when I saw her at a friends event a few months ago, maybe like 3 or 4 so. Fast forward a few months to the present and we met several times at more events. I've made an effort to approach her each time and make at least a small conversation. Added her to FB, talked a bit, invited her to me and my friends pretty big insane train party where she kept saying how much fun she had ect. Talking and talking blah blah. Taking it slow, seems like its going well between us. Getting more confident on making a move at some point.
I found your problem and source of your frustration. You're welcome.
 
The thrill of some cool unexpected twist. Did not deliver doe. 3.2/10 would not recommend.

Yes. So disappointed.

I found your problem and source of your frustration. You're welcome.

Yep. Ask out ASAP. She obviously likes you. Then again, she was being creeped on by a guy, and the guy she actually likes did nothing and then left her for a while. I bet she's posting about that on some Japanese gaf-like forum right now.
 

Booser

Member
Then again, she was being creeped on by a guy, and the guy she actually likes did nothing and then left her for a while

This.

Women are not damsels in distress that need rescuing. But everyone likes getting attention from people they like. Imagine if the roles were reversed and she left knowing you were being hit on by someone else.

Do it.
 

Mory Dunz

Member
GAF you can take my man card, for the second time over. Met up with the tinder date. Went bowling (got my first strike!!), went to get pizza, then talked for two hours in her car while listening to music and watching the lightning and rain. At one point, she even pulled out condoms and said, "look at all these my coworker gave me the other day. She said I'd need them." I think I doubly revoke my man card now.

I know I should take what I can get, and I was feeling the vibe, but damn. I just can't? Something about my own mentality just needs more than pizza and sex after one date?
This is why my ex said I was the chick in the relationship when it came to this.
I'm a 23 year old male, but I'm turning down offers. Kill me.

....uh huh.
If I was feeling a girl until this point, this would instantly turn me off.

She would have to have the silverest tongue of all silvers and body language to pull that off. really doubtful.

It's just...too on the nose. Not attractive at all lol.
It'd be like if a guy said "hey, you're cute....wanna go to my place" just randomly out of no where. Most girls would be turned off by that.

I mean, were you even kissing or anything at that point? Sheesh, the thirst.

anyhoo, yeah you care way too much. Unless you actually want to but having psychological blocks.

edit:
holy heck at that story.
You should thank the sleaze. If it's the one thing that will get you to take action.
 

Tsukumo

Member
Signs of not caring as much from my GF's side keep piling up. I previously wrote in this thread about her not being touchy around her family (no reason to really, her sister is with her bf and the family is open about that stuff), and now also around her friends which we hung out with on Monday. She stayed over that night and while we did have sex she felt very quiet and distant in general. She hasn't initiated conversation on text in like two weeks and generally doesn't respond to my snapchats anymore, which she used to like 90% of the time. She always eventually responds on text but it's all very short.

Also (and I know this is not healthy behavior, but I wouldn't do it unless there were other signs, which there are) she is often online a lot on messenger on her days off and doesn't even read my snaps or instagram links until very late. Things like that might seem petty to you all, but it's the change in behavior that bothers me.

I've asked her the last two times we've been alone if anything is up but she has said all is fine. Not sure I believe her honestly, it feels like something has changed. Gonna call her after work and tell her that I don't feel good about all this. Very nervous about it as this follows pretty much exactly the same pattern as my last (3 months) relationship.

Any advice on how to frame the talk? Listing all the things that bother me is probably not a good idea.

I think you should start considering leaving her before she leaves you. Your instincts are spot on.
The sooner you do it, the sooner she'll get back with you. I think she is into you more like an on and off thing than a "serious" relationship.
I haven't been around much lately but I remember you were into some sort of "triangle" a while ago. If this girl is one of the girls who was competing for you, it's likely she doesn't feel the same way now that the challenge is gone.

Double post but eh.

Well, thankfully it wasn't that bad.

I told her that I felt more like a friend than her boyfriend when we were with others and that feels really bad for me and that she has felt more distant lately. She tells me that she for some reason is uncomfortable when we two are with others, she doesn't know why, it's always been like that. But that it's not anything I've done or to do with me really, it's just her feeling. She said it's just something she has to get used to. She doesn't mind if I'm touchy with her though, it's just that she has some mental block in initiating contact when we're with her friends or family. I asked if there's anything I can do to alleviate the block but apparently not really. Not sure what to do about this other than leave it be.

Jokab, this sounds like break-up talk.
She is done but doesn't want to be the one to dump you.

She also thought things had been weird between us since midsummer when we hung out with her friends. I made some comments afterwards that I honestly regret, where I commented on things her friends said that I thought were very odd. Like not racist or anything, but just weird things that stuck out to me. It had been on her mind for a long time and I apologized and said I would like to hang out with them again, I had been more harsh than I really thought.

This is definitely a problem IF you started the relationship as friends with benefits. If that's not the case, then she is bullshitting. A girl who would have felt hurt by you making negative comments about her friends would have EXPLODED.

I believe this was a big problem for her because she has said that one major reason for breaking up with her last boyfriend was because he didn't like his friends and didn't want to hang out with them.

Absolute rubbish. I bet he dumped her, not the other way around.

I knew this, but it seems that my comments came across as more harsh than I had previously thought.

Further we talked about how the relationship had hit a routine where we meet at my place too much and watch TV or a movie and then sleep. Both of us fully agreed on this and decided to make more efforts to do fun things out of my apartment. Going to dinner this weekend. :)

Jokab, here it sounds like the relationship going south/ getting lukewarm is all because of you. The comment about her friends was a mistake, yes, but as big as she might make it, still it's not a reason for a relationship to stall like this.
 

Jokab

Member
I think you should start considering leaving her before she leaves you. Your instincts are spot on.
The sooner you do it, the sooner she'll get back with you. I think she is into you more like an on and off thing than a "serious" relationship.
I haven't been around much lately but I remember you were into some sort of "triangle" a while ago. If this girl is one of the girls who was competing for you, it's likely she doesn't feel the same way now that the challenge is gone.
I should leave her so she wants to be with me? What is this nonsense? And on the triangle part, that's you misremembering.

Absolute rubbish. I bet he dumped her, not the other way around.
Wrong on your part. Her sister has confirmed it.


Honestly I feel like your advice in this thread is often badly received and you frequenty get called out on your strange ideas by the other regulars. I don't want to be a dick about it but you very often contrarian to everyone else's advice. I don't know how to put it any other way. You very often paint doomsday scenarios where there shouldn't be. The advice you've given me in this post and the thread in general confirms this notion.
 

The Lamp

Member
It's too bad that I love the man im dating but I came out to my parents and it didn't go well and I'm almost at a position where I have to pick between the relationship with my mother and the relationship between my man...
 

gwailo

Banned
You can't stop being gay. Your mom's going to have to learn to at least accept it, don't try to make this into something that you have to change for. Don't throw away what could be a good relationship over her reaction, which (hopefully) will mellow in time after the initial shock goes away.
 

Zaphrynn

Member
It's too bad that I love the man im dating but I came out to my parents and it didn't go well and I'm almost at a position where I have to pick between the relationship with my mother and the relationship between my man...

You can't deny who you are. It's just going to make you miserable. Your mom's the one with the choice here. And she's making the wrong one.

I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this, and I hope your mom is able to come around =(
 

Ristifer

Member
It's too bad that I love the man im dating but I came out to my parents and it didn't go well and I'm almost at a position where I have to pick between the relationship with my mother and the relationship between my man...
Any chance that it may calm down after the storm? Maybe she'll come around after some time has passed?

If not, then I'm sorry you have to deal with a situation like this.
 
It's too bad that I love the man im dating but I came out to my parents and it didn't go well and I'm almost at a position where I have to pick between the relationship with my mother and the relationship between my man...

Are you planning on being alone forever? Cause otherwise this is not an extremely hard choice. You aren't going to just stop being gay so its not a choice between you mom and your man. Its a choice between being yourself or being a shell. And trust this thread, being a shell is not a feasible option.

Being 100% blunt here. This issue isn't going to go away even if you breakup with this guy. This isn't about the guy. It's about you. And you shouldn't throw away your dignity because mom and dad don't like who you are. Will they come around? I hope so but only tine will tell.
 
It's too bad that I love the man im dating but I came out to my parents and it didn't go well and I'm almost at a position where I have to pick between the relationship with my mother and the relationship between my man...

Are you willing to be single for the next 30-50 years that your mother is on this earth? No? Then at some point you have to put your foot down and tell her to get over it if she wants to be part of your life.
 
I should leave her so she wants to be with me? What is this nonsense? And on the triangle part, that's you misremembering.

Wrong on your part. Her sister has confirmed it.

Honestly I feel like your advice in this thread is often badly received and you frequenty get called out on your strange ideas by the other regulars. I don't want to be a dick about it but you very often contrarian to everyone else's advice. I don't know how to put it any other way. You very often paint doomsday scenarios where there shouldn't be. The advice you've given me in this post and the thread in general confirms this notion.

Whether we agree with the advice or not its being given from another perspective. In an advice thread we are free to take and leave what's given. That's the beauty. The place shouldn't be an echo chamber.

If you disagree with the advice by all means say why. But you're giving the vibe that you think he should keep his advice to himself. I flatout disagree. Is there literally in value in that?
 

Jokab

Member
Whether we agree with the advice or not its being given from another perspective. In an advice thread we are free to take and leave what's given. That's the beauty. The place shouldn't be an echo chamber.

If you disagree with the advice by all means say why. But you're giving the vibe that you think he should keep his advice to himself. I flatout disagree. Is there literally in value in that?
If one's advice is frequently badly received by others then perhaps one should evaluate what kind of advice one gives and why so many disagree. Maybe I'm alone in feeling like that is the case with Tsukomo?

That said I see your point, an echo chamber is not a good thing.
 
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