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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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Tsukumo

Member
I should leave her so she wants to be with me? What is this nonsense? And on the triangle part, that's you misremembering.


Wrong on your part. Her sister has confirmed it.


Honestly I feel like your advice in this thread is often badly received and you frequenty get called out on your strange ideas by the other regulars. I don't want to be a dick about it but you very often contrarian to everyone else's advice. I don't know how to put it any other way. You very often paint doomsday scenarios where there shouldn't be. The advice you've given me in this post and the thread in general confirms this notion.

Hey Jokab. Feels bad to read you've taken this way the advice I gave.
You have the right attitude and you never make girls the reason of your problems. I like that.
When I read about your situation I thought you were in need for someone to tell you that you weren't being paranoid, and that her detachment wasn't exactly a good sign.
If I had known in advance you think of me as a contrarian I wouldn't have posted my own reply, just because I think that someone who has such an absolutely negative opinion of me wouldn't really listen to what I have to say. Which is why I won't argue the advice I gave nor your opinion of me as contrarian.
Just know that what I wrote wasn't meant to spite you or your relationship. I won't think less of you just because you rejected my advice.
Take care.

Whether we agree with the advice or not its being given from another perspective. In an advice thread we are free to take and leave what's given. That's the beauty. The place shouldn't be an echo chamber.
If you disagree with the advice by all means say why. But you're giving the vibe that you think he should keep his advice to himself. I flatout disagree. Is there literally in value in that?
You're not alone, and I disagree with nearly everything Tsukomo says about dating. However, there's value in saying, "Hey, this is why I feel this way." Frankly, I know I'm opinionated in this thread too, and I'd welcome people to explain why they think I'm wrong.

Everyone in this thread's a big boy or girl, and they all make their own decisions. If someone takes the time and effort to respond point-by-point with a thoughtful assessment and offer candid advice (which Tsukomo always does), then I appreciate those contributions to this thread.

Everyone should be able to post an opinion. If someone is wrong, we should all post why we think that person is wrong. Take Tsukumo's last bit of advice to Jokab: it wasn't wrong per se, perhaps just not a good fit in this particular instance. Push-and-pull is definitely a reality in many relationships, and its unfortunate but some people do gain interest in a person after they've been dumped/rejected.

Besides, even wrong advice is good to have. It tells you what not to do - which is just as important as what to do.

I wish these attitudes would be more widespread on the forum in general. My heart breaks everytime you engage someone in a discussion and they participate by bringing up scores from Rotten Tomatoes or Metacritic.
 

Booser

Member
First date with this girl and I sickened her. Literally.

We went to a nice place (her choice) and I paid for the meal, about an hour later there were frequent trips to the bathroom after it had done a number on her.

At the end of the date she said she'd kiss me but her mouth still tasted like vomit.

It's not as bad as it sounds. We got on great and laughed about it. We have plans to meet again soon, actually she suggested I stay over because it's quite a long drive for me and I could relax with some beers. Maybe she is just planning revenge, who knows.

I love girls with a sense of humour, I think that's my number one turn on nowadays. So many good looking girls out there but very few can make me laugh the way she does.
 

Xun

Member
Not sure what you should feel guilty about? Y'all had sex (I'm guessing), it's not a big deal, just decide what you want from there I guess.
True, I'm just being silly I guess.

She's the first person I've slept with, so I suppose there's some sort of attachment going on because of that? I can't stop thinking about it all.

It's been a weird few days mentally, but at 26 I'm glad it's finally out of my system so to speak.
 
She's the first person I've slept with, so I suppose there's some sort of attachment going on because of that? I can't stop thinking about it all.

This happens. The thing to remember is that it's not a big deal. Being your first just means you now have a barometer for what terrible sex feels like :p

But actually, congrats on the sex, don't take it too seriously though, but maybe start looking at rings. . . just in case.
 

Flux

Member
Well... the girl I had been dating for the past half a year wanted to end things. Said she didn't really see any future. I didn't expect this.

I guess it's back at it once I get over with my thesis defense.
 

M52B28

Banned
I gained about 15 pounds back and I feel like absolute shit. I've been going to the gym often to counter it, but I'm still not feeling like I used to. I even got a haircut and some sunglasses that look nice on me plus some awesome new shoes, and although everything is stellar on me, I still don't feel it.

I have no problems taking to women, but any confidence I once had is just not all there.

Online dating is just not an avenue for me anymore. Though I've had my profile for a while, new girls rarely pop up, and generally, they don't bother responding. It's the same old people. The ones that like me just aren't my type. It's just a wasteland.

I don't really know anyone out here to go out for drinks and get to meet new people, and going anywhere solo just sounds like a way to fail.

Any suggestions? I really want to catch myself before I go into my quiet, isolated Fall/Winter mindset. I get too contemplative and people start to wonder about me, especially in groups. Kind of embarrassing. Everyone will be having fun while I'm stuck somewhere in my head thinking of things I shouldn't be.
 
So, I feel like things are going pretty well with the coworker I met at a party a little over a month ago. Monday night, we went out bowling with people from work. Saturday night we went out drinking. She's been getting a lot closer to me, she's been taking snapchat videos and pics of me and her, and I noticed she's been saving them as she does. She screenshotted the one I took of us as well. The whole night it was mostly me and her talking, laughing, making jokes. She wanted to go talk to some other people from work, and she asked me to stay with her. I made a stupid, note: really stupid, joke and she was laughing about it all night. I got a hug before she left and I woke up with a Facebook friend request which means she actually had to find me because my hometown is still set to 1,200 miles away.

She's really nice, really cute, and I feel like she's testing the waters, but taking it slow. If she's even into me, I'm not really expecting anything, I just know I'm having fun with her. She doesn't pull back at touch at all, and she looked me dead in the eye smiling like a dork while we played slide. All things considered, she did just come out of a 5 year relationship a few months ago, and I can respect if she wanted to approach things slow. Hell, that's what I prefer. I've been told she seems like she's totally vibing me, and to just keep up the high energy, keep being positive, listening to what she says and making her laugh, and just overall have fun. And that's what I'm gonna keep doing.

/bloggyppst
 

Jokab

Member
So, I feel like things are going pretty well with the coworker I met at a party a little over a month ago. Monday night, we went out bowling with people from work. Saturday night we went out drinking. She's been getting a lot closer to me, she's been taking snapchat videos and pics of me and her, and I noticed she's been saving them as she does. She screenshotted the one I took of us as well. The whole night it was mostly me and her talking, laughing, making jokes. She wanted to go talk to some other people from work, and she asked me to stay with her. I made a stupid, note: really stupid, joke and she was laughing about it all night. I got a hug before she left and I woke up with a Facebook friend request which means she actually had to find me because my hometown is still set to 1,200 miles away.

She's really nice, really cute, and I feel like she's testing the waters, but taking it slow. If she's even into me, I'm not really expecting anything, I just know I'm having fun with her. She doesn't pull back at touch at all, and she looked me dead in the eye smiling like a dork while we played slide. All things considered, she did just come out of a 5 year relationship a few months ago, and I can respect if she wanted to approach things slow. Hell, that's what I prefer. I've been told she seems like she's totally vibing me, and to just keep up the high energy, keep being positive, listening to what she says and making her laugh, and just overall have fun. And that's what I'm gonna keep doing.

/bloggyppst
When you asking her on a date tho
 

Salamando

Member
I gained about 15 pounds back and I feel like absolute shit. I've been going to the gym often to counter it, but I'm still not feeling like I used to. I even got a haircut and some sunglasses that look nice on me plus some awesome new shoes, and although everything is stellar on me, I still don't feel it.

I have no problems taking to women, but any confidence I once had is just not all there.

Online dating is just not an avenue for me anymore. Though I've had my profile for a while, new girls rarely pop up, and generally, they don't bother responding. It's the same old people. The ones that like me just aren't my type. It's just a wasteland.

I don't really know anyone out here to go out for drinks and get to meet new people, and going anywhere solo just sounds like a way to fail.

Any suggestions? I really want to catch myself before I go into my quiet, isolated Fall/Winter mindset. I get too contemplative and people start to wonder about me, especially in groups. Kind of embarrassing. Everyone will be having fun while I'm stuck somewhere in my head thinking of things I shouldn't be.

Weight - If you're going to the gym, it may be muscle. If you're sure it's not and you want to lose it, change your diet. Lift weights to build your muscles, and let your diet kill your fat.

The standard advice for people in your situation - join Meetup.com. Make some friends, with whom you can go out, get drunk, and meet girls. Or go out by yourself, make friends with the bartender and bar regulars, and meet girls. Or just go to coffee shops, farmers markets, and bookstores, and meet girls.

You're worried that you'll fail if you go solo, but you won't meet any girls in your apartment either. At least outside you have a chance.
 

Llyranor

Member
So, I feel like things are going pretty well with the coworker I met at a party a little over a month ago. Monday night, we went out bowling with people from work. Saturday night we went out drinking. She's been getting a lot closer to me, she's been taking snapchat videos and pics of me and her, and I noticed she's been saving them as she does. She screenshotted the one I took of us as well. The whole night it was mostly me and her talking, laughing, making jokes. She wanted to go talk to some other people from work, and she asked me to stay with her. I made a stupid, note: really stupid, joke and she was laughing about it all night. I got a hug before she left and I woke up with a Facebook friend request which means she actually had to find me because my hometown is still set to 1,200 miles away.

She's really nice, really cute, and I feel like she's testing the waters, but taking it slow. If she's even into me, I'm not really expecting anything, I just know I'm having fun with her. She doesn't pull back at touch at all, and she looked me dead in the eye smiling like a dork while we played slide. All things considered, she did just come out of a 5 year relationship a few months ago, and I can respect if she wanted to approach things slow. Hell, that's what I prefer. I've been told she seems like she's totally vibing me, and to just keep up the high energy, keep being positive, listening to what she says and making her laugh, and just overall have fun. And that's what I'm gonna keep doing.

/bloggyppst
When she feels close and comfortable enough with you, she'll start sharing stories of her dates with other people, because she knows you're a cool guy she can confide in.
 
So it's a bad sign when someone sends an "I love you too" text when the conversation was not really going in that direction ? lol

I;m convinced she outed herself as playing me but she swears she was responding to her father. Not really buying her story though. She previously said she had a crush on me but nothing was actually developing.
 

gaiages

Banned
Weight - If you're going to the gym, it may be muscle. If you're sure it's not and you want to lose it, change your diet. Lift weights to build your muscles, and let your diet kill your fat.

The standard advice for people in your situation - join Meetup.com. Make some friends, with whom you can go out, get drunk, and meet girls. Or go out by yourself, make friends with the bartender and bar regulars, and meet girls. Or just go to coffee shops, farmers markets, and bookstores, and meet girls.

You're worried that you'll fail if you go solo, but you won't meet any girls in your apartment either. At least outside you have a chance.

Yep, agree with all this. Well, unless Meetup sucks in your area, then maybe try to find Facebook events/groups instead :D

Also, if you're feeling depressed during the winter, you might want to speak to a therapist about it, even if only to get things off your chest. Seasonal depression is definitely a thing (though I don't remember its official name), and a lot of people get depressed during the winter months.
For me it's the summer months because I can't get outside, stupid ass humidity *shakes fist*
 

M52B28

Banned
Weight - If you're going to the gym, it may be muscle. If you're sure it's not and you want to lose it, change your diet. Lift weights to build your muscles, and let your diet kill your fat.

The standard advice for people in your situation - join Meetup.com. Make some friends, with whom you can go out, get drunk, and meet girls. Or go out by yourself, make friends with the bartender and bar regulars, and meet girls. Or just go to coffee shops, farmers markets, and bookstores, and meet girls.

You're worried that you'll fail if you go solo, but you won't meet any girls in your apartment either. At least outside you have a chance.
For a while, I was doing strictly cardio. This was all after I stopped lifting weights. I lifted weights for the first time in months yesterday.

The problem with me not knowing anyone is that I actually know quite a few people, but I don't feel like I'm on the same level as them. Most are just acquaintances in my mind. Most ask me to go out with them, but i décline their offers.

It's a sad state of affairs. These numbers in my phone book are just rotting away. I would feel strange contacting them when I haven't bothered doing so as of now.
 
She had asked me to go with her into Denver and go to a brewery would've been a good 5 hour day alone, but our schedules didn't line up cause she's been working 7 days a week. But I'll ask her Saturday. ain't got nothing to lose and only to gain. And yes, make sure to use the word "date".

Edit: Considering I actually am really into this girl vs the people I've met on tinder. Should I wait til I see her again, or shoot her a text with something along the lines of, "We should get sushi, make it a lunch date. Down?"
 
She had asked me to go with her into Denver and go to a brewery would've been a good 5 hour day alone, but our schedules didn't line up cause she's been working 7 days a week. But I'll ask her Saturday. ain't got nothing to lose and only to gain. And yes, make sure to use the word "date".

Edit: Considering I actually am really into this girl vs the people I've met on tinder. Should I wait til I see her again, or shoot her a text with something along the lines of, "We should get sushi, make it a lunch date. Down?"

Do the text, emphasize date. Please stop with this being her friend shit too. Please be more direct.
 

Salamando

Member
Ended things with the girl I was seeing. Think I effectively friendzoned myself, which is exactly what I wanted. The sex just wasn't doing anything for me.

For a while, I was doing strictly cardio. This was all after I stopped lifting weights. I lifted weights for the first time in months yesterday.

The problem with me not knowing anyone is that I actually know quite a few people, but I don't feel like I'm on the same level as them. Most are just acquaintances in my mind. Most ask me to go out with them, but i décline their offers.

It's a sad state of affairs. These numbers in my phone book are just rotting away. I would feel strange contacting them when I haven't bothered doing so as of now.
Cardio's good for building up your circulatory system, but the easiest way to get rid of calories is to not eat them in the first place. It takes ~20 minutes on a treadmill to burn a single beer. Much easier to just not drink the beer. Guessing you didn't change your diet after you stopped lifting? So the calories that would be burned are now getting stored.

I want you to be aware of what you're doing - You're rationalizing your own inaction. Can't go to bars yourself because you'd surely fail (failure isn't that bad). Can't go drinking with your friends because they're "just acquaintances". Want to know how to be more than acquaintances? Hang out in places like bars!

I don't know if it's social anxiety, introversion, or depression, but it sounds like you have an issue or two to work on.
 

M52B28

Banned
Cardio's good for building up your circulatory system, but the easiest way to get rid of calories is to not eat them in the first place. It takes ~20 minutes on a treadmill to burn a single beer. Much easier to just not drink the beer. Guessing you didn't change your diet after you stopped lifting? So the calories that would be burned are now getting stored.

I want you to be aware of what you're doing - You're rationalizing your own inaction. Can't go to bars yourself because you'd surely fail (failure isn't that bad). Can't go drinking with your friends because they're "just acquaintances". Want to know how to be more than acquaintances? Hang out in places like bars!

I don't know if it's social anxiety, introversion, or depression, but it sounds like you have an issue or two to work on.
What ended up happening was that I plateaued at one point. I tried to do that extra push by increasing cardio and my lifting routine, and I burned out doing that and stopped dieting. I'm still trying to get my diet back on track after a summer of beers and eating things that I know I shouldn't have been eating.

I understand what you mean when mentioning there being something to work on. It's not social anxiety. I've long gotten over that, but I'm somewhat introverted. Depression is something that I often deal with, but it hasn't been bad for me right now. I think the problem is that it is hard for me to except that people want to be friends with me and be around me.

It has made making friends outside of my parent's home town so hard. I've basically destroyed relationships by not trying. Whenever someone tries to get close to me, I distance myself for some reason, as if I'm annoyed. I've been noticing this ever since a particular moment that I had with someone.

She said that she was going to miss me multiple times after I mentioned that I may not come back for summer break and I pretty much had my back to her and didn't say a word. I overheard her talkingling to a friend asking where I was and if I was still around and I ignored it.

I don't know what's wrong. When I back at that, it made me realize how bad I've been at maintaining relationships.

That actually broke me for a few days after thinking about it. Like I said, I don't know what's wrong. It's fucked.

Sorry that turned into a dump of information, I just feel like an asshole for the way I've been treating people.
 
Is it possible to tell a girl you have feelings for her and still be friends with her if she says no?
:/

I would say it's possible. So long as you have other friends and hobbies as well as trying to date other people. With all those things I would say it's totally possible.
 

M52B28

Banned
I think it's possible for you to stay friends if she says no, but it ask depends on how you deliver it.

I suggest you just tell her, but be ready for any type of response. If you're both single, I don't see any problem with telling her.

Just try not to be jaded if she says no.
 

Booser

Member
Whenever someone tries to get close to me, I distance myself for some reason

Happens to me too sometimes. I think it's fear of fucking up further down the road so I bail out thinking I'm staying in control of the situation. It's horrible, and I ruined an amazing relationship over it at least once.
 

navii

My fantasy is that my girlfriend was actually a young high school girl.
Is it possible to tell a girl you have feelings for her and still be friends with her if she says no?
:/

why don't you find out, best answers are learnt by yourself.
 

gaiages

Banned
Is it possible to tell a girl you have feelings for her and still be friends with her if she says no?
:/

It's possible, but be prepared for it to not be friends anymore if one of you can't handle just being friends for whatever reason.

Better to ask and get it over with and agonizing over what hasn't happened, though.

why don't you find out, best answers are learnt by yourself.

If everyone had that attitude, there would be no point in any advice thread.
 

NIGHT-

Member
Happens to me too sometimes. I think it's fear of fucking up further down the road so I bail out thinking I'm staying in control of the situation. It's horrible, and I ruined an amazing relationship over it at least once.


Yep! Did this in my last relationship. Horrible feeling
 

PaulloDEC

Member
Could use some thoughts/advice.

There's this girl I've been seeing recently; we've been chatting online for like, nearly a month? And we've gone on around five dates over the past couple of weeks (dinner, movies, beach, the usual stuff).

I like her a lot and I'm attracted to her. We've hugged a few times, held hands a bit, made out a couple of times. Trouble is, I'm not sure how things go forward from here. I live with my parents and she lives with her sister, so me inviting her over to mine isn't happening, and the reverse hasn't happened yet either (possibly for the same reason as me, i.e. lack of privacy).

I feel like we're kinda stuck in the "first few dates" phase and I'm not really sure what the solution is (besides just staying the course and seeing where things go). Would be interested to hear any thoughts on how to approach things.
 

Flux

Member
Could use some thoughts/advice.

There's this girl I've been seeing recently; we've been chatting online for like, nearly a month? And we've gone on around five dates over the past couple of weeks (dinner, movies, beach, the usual stuff).

I like her a lot and I'm attracted to her. We've hugged a few times, held hands a bit, made out a couple of times. Trouble is, I'm not sure how things go forward from here. I live with my parents and she lives with her sister, so me inviting her over to mine isn't happening, and the reverse hasn't happened yet either (possibly for the same reason as me, i.e. lack of privacy).

I feel like we're kinda stuck in the "first few dates" phase and I'm not really sure what the solution is (besides just staying the course and seeing where things go). Would be interested to hear any thoughts on how to approach things.
Was in the same situation essentially. Try a date at a hotel?
 

gwailo

Banned
I think just talking with her will be a good start. If she also wants to get physical, asking her sister if she wouldn't mind giving you guys a couple of hours alone time would probably be easier/less awkward than approaching your parents. Otherwise get more creative, use a car, a park, whatever.

Is it possible to tell a girl you have feelings for her and still be friends with her if she says no?

Generally not. If she says no, are you going to be cool with listening to her talk about her boyfriends? Are you going to be the guy like in the 80s romantic comedies that stays by her side waiting for just that one right moment where she'll finally realize that you're the right one for her?
 

Jokab

Member
Could use some thoughts/advice.

There's this girl I've been seeing recently; we've been chatting online for like, nearly a month? And we've gone on around five dates over the past couple of weeks (dinner, movies, beach, the usual stuff).

I like her a lot and I'm attracted to her. We've hugged a few times, held hands a bit, made out a couple of times. Trouble is, I'm not sure how things go forward from here. I live with my parents and she lives with her sister, so me inviting her over to mine isn't happening, and the reverse hasn't happened yet either (possibly for the same reason as me, i.e. lack of privacy).

I feel like we're kinda stuck in the "first few dates" phase and I'm not really sure what the solution is (besides just staying the course and seeing where things go). Would be interested to hear any thoughts on how to approach things.

My girlfriend lives with her sister and we hang out at her place all the time. Sometimes her sister is nice enough to let us have the bed even, while she sleeps on the couch. Other times me and my GF have slept on the couch together. Then again the two of them are essentially best friends and I enjoy her company a lot, she's not much different from my GF.

Another option is to simply make your date get the sister out of the house for a night, like movies with friends or something, so that you two can have the place to yourselves. When I started dating my GF her sister would actually sleep at her BFs house quite a few times.
 

PaulloDEC

Member
Was in the same situation essentially. Try a date at a hotel?

This is definitely something I've been thinking about doing. Thanks for the suggestion!

I think just talking with her will be a good start. If she also wants to get physical, asking her sister if she wouldn't mind giving you guys a couple of hours alone time would probably be easier/less awkward than approaching your parents. Otherwise get more creative, use a car, a park, whatever.

See, it's absolutely my instinct to want to get straight to the point in a rational way like that, but I'm worried it might just come across as clinical or robotic to others. Maybe I just need more time to decide how this particular girl might react.

Thanks for the thoughts!

My girlfriend lives with her sister and we hang out at her place all the time. Sometimes her sister is nice enough to let us have the bed even, while she sleeps on the couch. Other times me and my GF have slept on the couch together. Then again the two of them are essentially best friends and I enjoy her company a lot, she's not much different from my GF.

Another option is to simply make your date get the sister out of the house for a night, like movies with friends or something, so that you two can have the place to yourselves. When I started dating my GF her sister would actually sleep at her BFs house quite a few times.

I've actually not even been inside the house yet, much less met her sister. The last thing I want to do is be like "So... can I come in sometime?" I'm sorta hoping right now if I drop the odd hint and keep things ticking over she'll invite me in eventually.
 

Jokab

Member
I've actually not even been inside the house yet, much less met her sister. The last thing I want to do is be like "So... can I come in sometime?" I'm sorta hoping right now if I drop the odd hint and keep things ticking over she'll invite me in eventually.

You can do better in framing it. More like "hey we should watch this oldish movie/see this show/cook together/other activity that must obviously be done at home. I'd rather not be at my place though since I live with my parents (insert reasons why that is inconvenient if you feel the need to), maybe we can do it at yours?" Then she can just decide if she wants to do it that way. Suggesting to do something at home on the sixth date is far from pushy.
 

Denzar

Member
This introverted girl I've been dating, we've taken it a step further . Haven't had sex yet, but there has been some foreplay (something about her being off the pill). This is kind of embarrassing to admit but I can only come orally. Yeah. Now, she knows how to handle a rod, no doubt about it, but she doesn't want me to come in her mouth. I completely understand. She tugged away for quite some time yesterday, combining sucking and jerking off, but it just didn't work. This shit blows, man (pun intended). Don't really know what to do... I don't want to force her to keep sucking my schlong until I shoot my wad into her mouth... She can pull back her head the moment I start gushing, but that just isn't very satisfactory for me. I'm at a loss here.
 
I have no idea how but I completely forgot to come back and update how the dates I had set up way back in July went. Just to say it, before this summer I had been on maybe.....3 dates with separate people in my whole life? 1 of which did lead to a 6 week relationship. But anyway, first date was cool to experience but there obviously wasn't anything between us so we basically just stopped texting after it.

Second date was pretty freaking awesome, we clicked amazingly and just sat and talked for like 4 hours straight. Only issue.....she's going to study abroad in London for the next semester. We already admitted we both really liked each other from the first date but that was gonna be too much. Still we said fuck it and went as friends to an amusement park for a day another time which was great, we'll keep talking but it's just as friends.

Then I actually got a third date with a girl who's a couple years younger and lives in my town (which is a first for tinder lol, everyone is usually at least 14+ miles away) She's cool too and we went on the one date but we haven't been able to set up another one at all the past month. The thing is, she still always responds to every one of my messages and initiates it still too. Still talking but I'm not focusing on it.

Now I just had a fourth date, once again, she was cool but like the first girl I don't think we clicked since we're not texting since then. Oh well, still surprised we went out since she was super attractive.
(She was really into smoking weed and that's a pretty big no for me, hell I don't ever plan to drink either anyway)

This all coincides with me still talking to a lot of other people on Tinder and asking them out on dates ect (Getting no response or a "well I'd like to but") I'm getting better! i tend to not bullshit around and just ask if we seem decent texting, and getting nothing doesn't bother me. Already have another date with another girl getting set up currently, and another who also seems pretty interested.

.....Guys get better pictures, like seriously, the second I got a better main pic for Tinder my matches sky rocketed.
 
Is it possible to tell a girl you have feelings for her and still be friends with her if she says no?
:/

Personally speaking. Pick one. You want a friend or do you want a gf? Your relationship is changed once you admit this. In fact I dont even think you should admit this. Ask for a date. That will get you your answer without having to do this "feelings" shit.
 

Salamando

Member
This introverted girl I've been dating, we've taken it a step further . Haven't had sex yet, but there has been some foreplay (something about her being off the pill). This is kind of embarrassing to admit but I can only come orally. Yeah. Now, she knows how to handle a rod, no doubt about it, but she doesn't want me to come in her mouth. I completely understand. She tugged away for quite some time yesterday, combining sucking and jerking off, but it just didn't work. This shit blows, man (pun intended). Don't really know what to do... I don't want to force her to keep sucking my schlong until I shoot my wad into her mouth... She can pull back her head the moment I start gushing, but that just isn't very satisfactory for me. I'm at a loss here.

Are you able to get yourself off when masturbating in private? It could be the case that you're "conditioned" to your touch, which means you should masturbate less or using alternate means (fleshlight, etc).

Flavored condoms might be worth looking into too.
 
This might be a stupid question but I thought I'd ask anyway.

I've noticed this girl in a local waitrose I go every day for lunch is always extra smiley and talkative when she serves me.

Like yesterday I was in a queue and the four people ahead of me she barely spoke, but when it was my turn she started a conversation and moved slower to cash out my items. Asking how I was, how work is going, if I had any plans for the weekend. She also goes out of her way to touch my hand whenever she hands me my change and receipt.

I initially thought she was being polite but I asked a friend to watch too and she think she's flirting. I'm terrible at picking up signs or knowing if someone is flirting or being polite.

What does everyone here think? I am seeing someone right now but things haven't been going great if I'm honest, I don't want to go into that yet, we're dealing with it and we're having lunch tomorrow to talk about where things go next. I'm prepared for it ending. I hope it doesn't because we get on really well but things have been sliding downwards the past week and it feels inevitable.
 
^^End things with the girl you're seeing first, then slip the waitress your number on a piece of paper. It doesn't make a scene when she's working and puts the ball in her court: if she was just being friendly she'll ignore it, but if she's interested she'll contact you.

It has made making friends outside of my parent's home town so hard. I've basically destroyed relationships by not trying. Whenever someone tries to get close to me, I distance myself for some reason, as if I'm annoyed. I've been noticing this ever since a particular moment that I had with someone.

She said that she was going to miss me multiple times after I mentioned that I may not come back for summer break and I pretty much had my back to her and didn't say a word. I overheard her talkingling to a friend asking where I was and if I was still around and I ignored it.

I don't know what's wrong. When I back at that, it made me realize how bad I've been at maintaining relationships.

That actually broke me for a few days after thinking about it. Like I said, I don't know what's wrong. It's fucked.

Sorry that turned into a dump of information, I just feel like an asshole for the way I've been treating people.

Have you tried reconnecting? Part of being (and keeping) friends is forgiving each other. We were all young and stupid once.

What's the worst they can do? If they ignore you, it's status quo. If they go off on you for being a terrible person, they weren't really your friend anyway.
 

dskillzhtown

keep your strippers out of my American football
This might be a stupid question but I thought I'd ask anyway.

I've noticed this girl in a local waitrose I go every day for lunch is always extra smiley and talkative when she serves me.

Like yesterday I was in a queue and the four people ahead of me she barely spoke, but when it was my turn she started a conversation and moved slower to cash out my items. Asking how I was, how work is going, if I had any plans for the weekend. She also goes out of her way to touch my hand whenever she hands me my change and receipt.

I initially thought she was being polite but I asked a friend to watch too and she think she's flirting. I'm terrible at picking up signs or knowing if someone is flirting or being polite.

What does everyone here think? I am seeing someone right now but things haven't been going great if I'm honest, I don't want to go into that yet, we're dealing with it and we're having lunch tomorrow to talk about where things go next. I'm prepared for it ending. I hope it doesn't because we get on really well but things have been sliding downwards the past week and it feels inevitable.

If you aren't happy, you should end it. No point in dragging it on when you and your partner are wasting time in something that is going nowhere. Secondly, it appears that the clerk may be flirting with you, but I always take that with a grain of salt. You never know if they are trying for a better tip or genuinely like you. Only one way to find out, but before that, you need to get out of your current situation.
 
Thank you both.

I should clarify (I forgot not everyone will know what is it), waitrose is a supermarket here in the UK.

Like Whole Foods or Walmart in the US. She's a cashier.

dskillzhtown. You're right. That's why we're having lunch tomorrow. I asked her to meet me to talk things through. I'm being a lot more proactive now with dating and not staying in relationships that aren't healthy or happy for either of us.
 

Flux

Member
This is definitely something I've been thinking about doing. Thanks for the suggestion!



See, it's absolutely my instinct to want to get straight to the point in a rational way like that, but I'm worried it might just come across as clinical or robotic to others. Maybe I just need more time to decide how this particular girl might react.

Thanks for the thoughts!



I've actually not even been inside the house yet, much less met her sister. The last thing I want to do is be like "So... can I come in sometime?" I'm sorta hoping right now if I drop the odd hint and keep things ticking over she'll invite me in eventually.

Just with the hotel idea, make sure she clearly knows what's up and your not just going to lunch or something. Or you know, the implication.
 
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