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Do you lose some friends when they get into a relationship?

Unk Adams

Banned
I've noticed that when some guys get into relationships they start ghosting their longtime friends or their attitude changes and they suddenly think they're "the shit" and become major assholes who try to flex on other men in a sad attempt to impress their new girlfriend... and once they eventually get dumped by her they try crawling back to their friends that they abandoned for several years and expect you just to continue your friendship like nothing happened. Sorry, but nope. You showed who you really are.

Of course, there's also your true friends who can handle being both in a relationship and having friends at the same time and not turning their backs on them or trying desperately to become the "most alpha" in order to try to impress their woman. But has anyone else experienced what I'm talking about where someone either abandons you or becomes a total dick once they get into a relationship? And then of course when the relationship eventually ends they try to become cool again like nothing ever happened?
 

Pejo

Gold Member
I am jealous of those of you that have friends that don't lose them entirely when they get in a relationship. It's the only kind I've ever had. The only exception is if the girl was already a part of the friend group, but even then...
 

Brofist

Member
Yeah happened to me with a friend of mine. First time I let it go no problem, but the second time told him to f off.
 

MaestroMike

Gold Member
there's a lot of variables I have to factor in before I could completely drop someone. maybe he wanted to eventually marry the chick and he had to work more to save up money for rent and what not. can't be too hasty with decisions like these. if they like stabbed you in the back and stole money from you or they do a lot of drugs thats a different story but if they just been gone handling their business trying to achieve some personal goals or experience new things how can I hate on that.
 

NeoGiffer

Member
I've noticed that when some guys get into relationships they start ghosting their longtime friends or their attitude changes and they suddenly think they're "the shit" and become major assholes who try to flex on other men in a sad attempt to impress their new girlfriend... and once they eventually get dumped by her they try crawling back to their friends that they abandoned for several years and expect you just to continue your friendship like nothing happened. Sorry, but nope. You showed who you really are.

Of course, there's also your true friends who can handle being both in a relationship and having friends at the same time and not turning their backs on them or trying desperately to become the "most alpha" in order to try to impress their woman. But has anyone else experienced what I'm talking about where someone either abandons you or becomes a total dick once they get into a relationship? And then of course when the relationship eventually ends they try to become cool again like nothing ever happened?

 

TGO

Hype Train conductor. Works harder than it steams.
Yeah, I know someone since 1997 through to 2010
looked after his kids and everything, then he broke up with the girl he had kids with and met up with another girl, I've never met her but she didn't want him having anything to do with me because I knew his ex(by association)she was not my friend, he was .
We speak when we see eachother but that's about it now, not even got him on PSN or Facebook.
Other than that most my mates I haven't seen in years since I stuck at my job.
 
I think friends take a backseat when you get in a truly serious relationship. Maybe not for every new girlfriend, but you find the one you want to build your life with, you might have to move your friends to the side to make room.
 

Vagswarm

Member
This happened a lot when I was deep into the partying & status crowd. There's a lot of fake people out there no doubt. Nowadays I just do my own thing and keep people at more of a distance, so it's not that big of a deal. And will continue once I really get out there again.

A lot of people are genuinely in it for themselves, and you're right, instances like these show their true colors... about how little they care about anyone else. They don't even genuinely care about the people they attract... like you said, they just want to show off. That's fine and all, but not usually the kind of people you want to be close friends with. At some point / age your standards change for the kind of people you let in as opposed to just associate with.

But what you mentioned isn't nearly as bad as when people are envious of the people you attract, and go out of their way to sabotage your efforts. It's funny how everyone is suddenly so concerned for you... when you're about to or already surpassed them. That's when they all have advice to share, like how you should give up, that they're no good for you, are probably going to cheat (or they saw them looking at another person), etc. Their only concern is to bring you down by any means, while acting as though they're in your best interest. When you have something they have no interest in? No one bats an eye.

Some nasty people out there, but it's good lessons to learn.
 
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Lunarorbit

Member
Just wait till they have kids. My wife and I don't have any but as soon as friends started having kids we never see them again. Several couples just disappear. Several of my guy friends don't want to hang out with anyone except other parents
 

TheUsual

Member
A best friend married into someone everyone in our circle had serious issues with. A friend's wife who loved everyone she's ever met didn't even trust the woman. Surprise, surprise, their relationship and marriage is in shambles and my friend has alienated every single best friend he's had since childhood. HIs oldest friend's relationship is forever broken. I talk to this guy maybe once or twice a year and that's it.
 

RavageX

Member
I would disappear when in a relationship, but it wasn't because I felt differently towards my friends, my good ones anyway. Not good at juggling things like that, not sure if I can explain it well.

I know some took it personally. I have a childhood friend who I believe did. Convos feel pretty absent, we are still friends but it feels like he has let go of....something. Just feels different talking with him. We are both married, I don't even think he knows I am. (yeah I'm one of those people) I really don't share much about my life, I've always had people try to tear up what I've built for myself, so I don't feel the need to share what all makes me happy.

Not saying my friend would do that.
 

bitbydeath

Gold Member
Just wait till they have kids. My wife and I don't have any but as soon as friends started having kids we never see them again. Several couples just disappear. Several of my guy friends don't want to hang out with anyone except other parents
Came here to say this. Once you have kids then you’re pretty much stuck at home in most cases because they’re too much trouble to take out into public.
 

Cattlyst

Member
Not so much this, but I've certainly experienced plenty of friends completely vanishing from my life as soon as they became fathers. I can see that there's a need to maybe be more involved in home life when you have a new baby, but even former friends whose kids are now in their teens still constantly turn down invites citing their kids as a reason why they can't attend/do whatever it is. Pretty lazy excuse tbh.
 

AJUMP23

Gold Member
I’m married and most of my friends are married. I would not lose a friend if people get divorced but it would affect relationships all around.
 
Some, I almost lost friends when the got into a relationship too, but that was my fault, not the broads. Live and learn. Kids were the number one issue for me after getting married. My kids are super busy, making me busy. I just don't have enough hours in the day lots.
 

Orpheum

Member
I don't consider them lost, just less present. It's completely normal for some people to devote the majority of their free time to their partner, especially at the start. In my circle of friends it always works out and we keep each other around.
 

GamingKaiju

Member
It’s a natural progression OP we do gain/lose friends along the way whether it be intentional or by accident. Sometimes we keep friends around because we/they don’t want to end the friendship even though it’s ran it’s course. As we age we become different people, I’m not the same person I was 20 years ago and most of my friends aren’t. Sometimes a GF will want you to cut ties with your older friends because they don’t like them or have a past with them. Then there’s family once we start our own families maintaining friendships can become a chore with little free time we do have we just get in a bit of gaming or other hobbies and your friends become people in similar positions so you both understand that we could go weeks without communicating but I’m still there and will probably come round and have a few drinks etc if we arrange it.

Ofc there are people that would drop you for a chance at some pussy.
 
part of it is just time. the time you'd spend with your friends is now with a partner. Arguably, having a new partner needs more upkeep than an old friend, but even with time constraints, if you really want it to happen, you'd make time for your bros
 

Quasicat

Member
After my friend got married, his wife got him into a pyramid scheme. He was constantly bragging about the tens of thousands he had earned being a part of this. One day he, and his sales manager, called and he pushed me to get into it, but I declined. After a couple of phone calls about it I told him I wasn’t interested and wanted things to be as they were. That was the last time we spoke and it was 18 years ago.

I swore that I would not abandon my friends when I got married and had kids, and we still play online at least once a week.
 
I've lost plenty of friends because of this but we were never that close honestly. They just got busier with being in a relationship and working a lot. So we drifted apart. I personally don't hold it against them, times change.

I have a couple of close friends that I see a lot despite them being in relationships. I think it really depends on the strength of the friendship.
 

AmuroChan

Member
I don't think I've lost anyone that I considered a close friend, but obviously we had to make adjustments anytime one of us got into relationships. You just gotta be flexible. Sure, we can't hang out all weekend and play games until the sun comes up anymore, but that doesn't mean we can't hang out at all. I'm thankful that I've been able to maintain these friendships for 20+ years and most of us are now married. So now we just all hang out together with all of our spouses as well.
 
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This happens with people who suck at balancing relationships and/or fell for a controlling piece of ass. Some even end up marrying the latter lol.
 

StreetsofBeige

Gold Member
Never lost any friends.

1. Some you dont see or talk to as much anymore because now they're hooked up or have kids. Cant expect them to hang out on weekends anymore like youre 20.

2. A few long time friends I know are still pretty easy and open to grab food or chill out at one of our houses on a whim though. And they even have kids.

Most fall into #1.
 
unfortunately it's pretty common if they have kids, because all their spare time will now be devoted to the baby. Even if they want to go out, they won't have the energy anyways
 

Tschumi

Member
I've noticed that when some guys get into relationships they start ghosting their longtime friends or their attitude changes and they suddenly think they're "the shit" and become major assholes who try to flex on other men in a sad attempt to impress their new girlfriend...
This comes off so similarly to the jealous thoughts of exes (I'd know believe me) I'm wondering if you're not actually his ex wearing a fake moustache.

You'll get a girl one day, son. Try not to project your inadequacies and doubts onto others. They're allowed to enjoy having a girlfriend lol it's not like they're obligated to withhold their enthusiasm in case they upset their dude buddy. If one day you realise how plainly, and unsubtly jilted and salty you come across here, let me know.

---

My girl is my best friend, i love being with her, and i can also do my bidniss all up in her, so yeah in general when I've got a choice between her lovely company and, whatever a group of guys does (hard to imagine 4 huge dudes sitting around a cafe table) I'll tend to choose her if she's available.

Anyway my best friends live thousands of miles from me so that helps clarify things
 

Vagswarm

Member
This happens with people who suck at balancing relationships and/or fell for a controlling piece of ass. Some even end up marrying the latter lol.
This is a good point. Sometimes the spouse of your friend is controlling and persuades the friend into being around only her. Or manipulates situations to end up that way. I've seen this happen a few times.

A lot of times the friend chooses to focus entirely on that relationship, not realizing that doing so is turning the other person off. Then when your friend gets broken up with, they realize they have no one around anymore and try to go back to their old friends. Either way they're acting selfishly with no regard for their friends just because they found something "better".
 
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Unk Adams

Banned
This comes off so similarly to the jealous thoughts of exes (I'd know believe me) I'm wondering if you're not actually his ex wearing a fake moustache.

You'll get a girl one day, son. Try not to project your inadequacies and doubts onto others. They're allowed to enjoy having a girlfriend lol it's not like they're obligated to withhold their enthusiasm in case they upset their dude buddy. If one day you realise how plainly, and unsubtly jilted and salty you come across here, let me know.

---

My girl is my best friend, i love being with her, and i can also do my bidniss all up in her, so yeah in general when I've got a choice between her lovely company and, whatever a group of guys does (hard to imagine 4 huge dudes sitting around a cafe table) I'll tend to choose her if she's available.

Anyway my best friends live thousands of miles from me so that helps clarify things
I've never completely dropped my friends or turned into a different person when I got into a relationship. I've always introduced my girlfriends to my friend groups. What does your arrogant response have anything to do with what I'm even saying? You sound like the guys I'm describing when you start talking shit and assume things that were never even said. It's like you purposely misunderstood what was said in an attempt to try to talk down to someone.

Obviously someone will not have as much time to spend with their friends once they're in a relationship. That's normal. What isn't normal is completely dropping people they've known for years and acting like a "redpilled alpha" towards other men once they have a girlfriend. You can at least make an effort to hang out or contact your friends at least a few times a year. Even married men that have families now can do this. If you have time to post on NeoGaf then you have time to spend with your buddies at least a couple times a year or give them a call once in awhile as well. If you drop them out of your life completely don't be surprised when they want nothing to do with you when your girlfriend dumps you or wife divorces you one day and you need someone to talk to about it or if you need a favor, help moving, etc. and wonder why no one will answer your text back.

Normal people can have two types of relationships. The one they are dating/married and family life (who they spend the majority of the time with, which is normal) and their friends (who they might not have as much time to spend with but even normal people with full time jobs can make an effort to maintain at least a few times a year).
 
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Yes that seems to be the common consensus for most unfortunately from my own experience. I've lost plenty of friends gradually over the years due to friends new partners, having kids or both.

I've been with my girlfriend for twenty years now and not once have I forgotten a friend and neither has my girlfriend. I appreciate people will have less time but to completely ghost someone is unacceptable!
 
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Star-Lord

Member
I used to work with a girl many years ago at my first job. We became good friends, but I kinda had a thing for her. Then she dropped the bombshell she was moving to Australia. I was in town one day with friends during my sixth-form lunch break. We were in GAME. The girl I worked with came in with her parents.

We had a quick chat, hug, and goodbye. As she was walking off with her parents, she kinda stopped, looked back at me as if wanting me to go talk to her more private and I’m-depth…but I didn’t. That was the last time we spoke. A part of mr will always regret not seeing what she wanted to say and if she felt the same about me.
 

Rox598

Member
I haven't spoken to my best friends in 5 years since getting together with my partner.

They were mainly girls and I could tell she didn't like it so distanced myself slightly which just got more and more as time went on and then poof no contact in 5 years.

Do I regret it? Totally. but the time that's past I wouldn't even try and reconnect it just sounds like a dick move on my part and I wouldn't know what to even say.
 
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