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Finnish tabloid trashes Uwe Boll: "Like an evil videogame boss that can't be crushed"

Chittagong

Chittagong

Gold Member
Finnish tabloid Ilta-Sanomat wrote today

Movies are not playable
It's tough being a critic. You witness an endless stream of movies based on comics, and you are expected to trash bash them all with the same complaints. The term "comic-like" is overexhausted already.

Luckily movies based on videogames have not qualified for theater distribution, yet. Lara Croft movies, based on the adventure game series Tomb Raider, and Resident Evil movies, based on the horror game series bearing the same name, are rare exceptions. Money was actually used to produce them, although one couldn't tell from the quality.

One can only imagine the scandal it would be to have movies by the German Uwe Boll distributed here. Did anyone watch Wing Commander on Friday? Based on a 20 chapter game series from the 90s, the movie is a masterpiece compared to the so-called work of Uwe Boll. Even such dreadful films as Super Mario Bros, Mortal Kombat or Double Dragon can't lose to Uwe movies.

Born in Wermelskirchen, Germany, the director makes as bad movies as the [Finnish] director Renny Harlin, but with smaller budgets. His latest film House of the Dead can be found among new DVD releases. Next up on Uwe's list are Alone in the Dark, Blood Rayne, Hunter: The Reckoning and Far Cry. If Uwe Boll was the "gamer" he claims to be, he would pass on those. Boll is like an evil videogame boss that can't be crushed.

The games won't turn even to decent movies unless the makers understand the differences in the medium. Nobody tries to film chess. Games are series of challenges to mind and fingers, not stories or even drama.

It's frightening to think what happens in the future as the videogame market continues its growth. Movies based on games such as Doom, Halo, Area 51, Silent Hill, Darkwatch, Spliter Cell, Tekken, Soul Calibur, Max Payne, Prince of Persia, Duke Nukem, Grand Theft Auto, The Getaway and Pac-Man are on their way. Yes, Pac-Man, the hungrly yellow blob. So many great games. So many awful movies. So much can be said already now.
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K

Keyser Soze

Member
Wario64 said:
pac man movie? i must have missed this announcement. unless he was joking
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Something tells me the PacMan movie could be about a guy with a drug problem

“Meet Pac, a guy who started out with small drugs, he thought nothing was wrong but suddenly 4 guys stared chasing him! They would not give up! The chase was never ending and then Pac move on to bigger drugs, he though he was invincible, he beat up the guys that were chasing him but within seconds they were back again…

..why will they not leave Pac alone, why must he keep running, will the chase ever end. Why must he east cherries?

Find Out

July 2009!!”
 
T

Thomper

Member
Wario64 said:
pac man movie? i must have missed this announcement. unless he was joking
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It IS true:
IMDB
In what must rank among the stupidest and most pointless acquisitiones ever, international production and distribution outfit Crystal Sky has inked a deal with Namco for feature film rights to, er, Pac-Man, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Yes, Pac-Man. "There is no other game title bigger than Pac-Man," says the firm's president Steven Paul. "From children to their parents, Pac-Man is a name everyone knows and loves." Worryingly, there are plans afoot to squeeze a "live-action fantasy adventure" out of the harmless franchise. So, another aspect of our collective youth falls to money-flustered morons in suits. Shame.
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(http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=46951)
I absolutely can't wait. This WILL be awesome. Inky, Pinky, Clyde, and-guy-whose-name-I-forgot will haunt Pac-Man until he DIES of fruitless STARVATION! THRILLER! BLOCKBUSTER OF 2007!
 
Chittagong

Chittagong

Gold Member
GrimReaper said:
I was not aware that Uwe Boll made the Wing Commander movie. It explains all then...
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He didn't. The guy called Wing Commander a master piece compared to Uwe Boll's "so called work".
 
D

Duck of Death

Member
Oh man, you're all forgetting the best quote! I can't remember the names of the characters, but it is during the one part where the guy and some girl are by the SEGA stage:

GUY: It's about to rain. We better get inside before we get wet.
GIRL: Too late.


:lol
 
B

Black Deatha

Member
God I BEG of you!, strike a bolt of lightning through that fucking ratarded german's head!

I have a serious question.

HOW THE FUCK DOES HE KEEP GETTING THE MOVIE RIGHTS TO THERE IP's?!!

I like FarCry, I remember seeing CryTek saying the games story was a B movie story, but since Boll cant grasp anything even that complicated, what is it gonna be than? Thank god he has yet to get a really good IP. I think I heard he kept trying to get the Hitman rights, but I guess IO didnt feel like flushing the quality of there franchise down the toilet.

Next queston.

Look at this, I was just looking at this last night in fact, HOW THE HELL did he get some of the actors he has to sign on for his movies? Miachel Madsen, Ben Kingsly! WHAT THE FUCK!??

It doesnt help that my freind rented House of the Dead last night to show me just how much shitter Boll can be than Alone in the Dark. he must be stoped at all costs before he gets a really good licence.

~Black Deatha
 
E

Error

Jealous of the Glory that is Johnny Depp
boll_9374296_onlineBild.jpg

HP:????/????? MP: ?????/??????

weak point: none
strongest attacks: HotD, Alone in the Dark
 
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