I have the inside scoop on The Game Awards 2022 world premieres.

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Deft Beck

Through industry backchannels, I've obtained a list of the world premieres for The Game Awards 2022. Some will doubt, many will deny, but these announcements will disrupt the core of the industry as we know it.

  • Blinx: The Time Sweeper HD Remaster
    • Microsoft will announce a HD remaster of the beloved 3D platformer, and will release it immediately onto Game Pass. Turn back the clock and relive the classic platformer from the acclaimed developer Artoon.
  • LSD: Dream Emulator HD Remaster
    • Asmick Ace and Devolver Digital team up to bring the trippy LSD Dream Emulator to modern platforms with all new graphics and remastered music from enigmatic creator Osamu Saito. Features new FMV sequences from Youtube stars Vinesauce and The Game Grumps.
  • Killzone NFT-integrated battle royale mobile game
    • Sony's new multiplayer initiatives include a brand-new NFT-driven battle royale mobile game, launching first on iOS devices in New Zealand. The Helghast are back, and you must use your unique weapons and teamwork skills to retake the cities of the world from their authoritarian grasp. Includes a marketplace where you can earn real-world money through your well-worn tools of battle.
  • Gex: Rescaled
    • Gex, a multi-million dollar franchise, returns in the form of a remake of the first game in dazzling full 2.5D. Unfortunately, due to contractual disputes, Gex will now be voiced by comedian Eric Andre.
  • Yandere Simulator: Always By Your Side
    • Yandere Simulator is finally here, courtesy of assistant developer Cloud Imperium Games. Go on your journey to woo your senpai, killing anyone else who gets in your way. The limited edition will feature a real human finger. preserved in dry ice.
  • Alf adventure game from Microids
    • Alf returns to his seat at the forefront of popular culture. He must return to Planet Earth and reunite with his human family in order to stop an alien force from devouring the planet, like he did with the family cats. Will be released in early access in the fall of 2023.
  • Gallagher: Melon Smasher (VR game)
    • Fresh off of his untimely demise, Gallagher stars in a new VR game where you get to step into the shoes of the famous prop comedian from cable television! Smash televisions, jars of olives, and dozens upon dozens of those dastardly melons!
  • XxX: The Official Video Game of the Movie (PS5 exclusive)
    • That's right, Xander Cage and Darius Stone are back, and they're base jumping onto your PlayStation 5! Play as the xtreme spy duo in a brand new story with all new stunts, hot babes, and the latest in nu-metal tracks.
  • Karaoke Revolution: Die Flippers
    • The revolutionary Schlager band Die Flippers finally arrives to the legendary Karaoke Revolution series! Sing along to 40 of their greatest hits from their lengthy 40 year career, such as Wir sagen danke schoen and Ein Herz aus Schokolade! This announcement will feature a live performance from the only living member of the band.
  • Snorks: Aqualife
    • Beloved Smurfs competitor The Snorks return in a new city-building and life-simulator game from the developers of Two Point Hospital and Two Point Campus. Join Allstar, Dimmy, Junior and the rest of the Snorks crew as you rebuild the Snork habitat following erosion due to global warming.
  • Infinitos: AI Game Generator
    • From luminary game creator Peter Molyneux comes Infinity, a new experience in AI generated game content. Simply type in the game you want to play, and in only thirty minutes, you have a completely unique, personalized game that is yours to play! The first game is free, and the rest are only $19.99 per generation.
  • Exclusive Paris Hilton DJ game for Oculus Quest 2
    • Avid gamer Paris Hilton launches a whole new metaverse experience, exclusively for the Oculus Quest 2. Learn from the most popular DJ in the world as you play the latest club hits to thousands of drunk festival goers. Special guest appearances from Skrillex, Steve Aoki and Darude.
  • AAA Urban Champion open world game from Retro Studios
    • Retro Studios decided to stop working on Metroid Prime 4 and start a whole new chapter in the world-famous Urban Champion franchise. Go through the mean streets of New York and punch all of the n'er do-wellers into manholes to earn more money and rise through the ranks of the street fighting circuit. Exclusive to the Nintendo Switch.
There's just so much here, I don't know how to react! I'm personally excited for the Alf game, but I think Gex was long overdue for a remaster.
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Mouse Ball Fetishist
Yandere Simulator is finally here, courtesy of assistant developer Cloud Imperium Games. Go on your journey to woo your senpai, killing anyone else who gets in your way. The limited edition will feature a real human finger. preserved in dry ice.
Elden Ring DLC confirmed.
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We ain't outta here in ten minutes, we won't need no rocket to fly through space
It's xXx, not XxX. This clue leads me to believe this list could be a fake.
Closing Valentines Day GIF by NETFLIX
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