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I was asked my "preferred pronouns" today when making an appointment. First time this has happened in my experience

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DragoonKain

Neighbours from Hell
I know this insanity is becoming more and more commonplace today, but it's never actually happened to me yet. I called to make a doctor's appointment today and the woman on the phone said before I let you go I'm required to ask you a few questions. And then the BOMB DROPPED.

"Are your preferred pronouns he, she, or they?"

I just said I'd like to abstain from answering that question. She didn't give me a hard time about it. And I wasn't going to be rude, because I'm sure it's practice policy, but I really wanted to say something else about it. I didn't out of respect to her.

Then I was asked a few more identity related questions.

I think it was Abigail Shrier who has said, the question itself comes with the premise that one can't just assume you're a man or woman by your name or appearance. Which I find troubling.

I'm adamant about never answering that question when it is asked of me. As long as someone isn't trying to force me, I'm not going to make a big deal about it, as annoying as I find it all.

Just curious how many here have been asked that question and how do you typically respond to it?
 

VN1X

Member
 

jason10mm

Member
Brap/Braaaap is what I'll say. If they look confused I'll accuse them of bigotry and storm away.

The problem here is that rather than empower the few folks this actually might apply to to just speak up we have to hit EVERYONE with a broad brush and waste time. And when folks feel pressured to accept this lunacy and don't just take their money elsewhere it gets perpetuated.

It does help a bit of you have a name that is unfamiliar to others without the usual gender cues. I've known folks via email for months before figuring out of they were male or female because the name isn't obvious and the conversation never involved pronouns.


It is virtue signaling when there is a photo of a bearded balding white guy with the same "Douglas Timmons" that somehow thinks folks might not know he is a "he/him".
 

Dream-Knife

Member
I've only seen it online in radio menus. Usually just three choices, which actually makes it pretty funny since they're basically asking if you're male, female, or ????.
 

haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
Good call not making a big deal about it.

If someone asks me that I'd probably do the same. But part of me would want to say "what the fuck do I sound like to you?"

They get a few of those I bet they drop it from their questionnaire.
 

poppabk

Member
I've had it show up on forms, never where it was required I don't think. I don't see the big deal, it's pretty equivalent to the Mr, Mrs, Miss, Dr etc thing.
 

TheInfamousKira

Reseterror Resettler
I mean, I think the whole thing is dumb as fuck, and a result of people with too much time on their hands circle jerking to make themselves feel more important or individualized than their peers, but at the same time

I kinda feel like refusing to state your pronouns *is* making a big deal out of it, because it physically takes more energy to be like "I'd prefer not to say," than "he/him," Like, I get that it's not something you want to be complacent with because taking part is tantamount to approval and normalization, but there are some arenas where you have to play by the other team's rules. In this case, this woman probably thinks you're trans or identify as a elephant now. Much easier to just be like "I'm a dude, bro,"
 
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Coolwhhip

Neophyte
I mean, I think the whole thing is dumb as fuck, and a result of people with too much time on their hands circle jerking to make themselves feel more important or individualized than their peers, but at the same time

I kinda feel like refusing to state your pronouns *is* making a big deal out of it, because it physically takes more energy to be like "I'd prefer not to say," than "he/him," Like, I get that it's not something you want to be complacent with because taking part is tantamount to approval and normalization, but there are some arenas where you have to play by the other team's rules. In this case, this woman probably thinks you're trans or identify as a elephant now. Much easier to just be like "I'm a dude, bro,"

Where does it end? “Please state your triggers sir.”
 

IDKFA

Gold Member
It’s almost always optional to specify, so I ignore it. It's very common now in academic settings and some workplace settings.

We had a team meeting today and it's going to be common at my place of work.

Starting from next month, which is LGBTQ+ history month, my employer is encouraging all employees to put their preferred pronouns in their emails. Also, all staff will be invited to "education training" to learn the importance of pronouns.

I was thinking of putting my pronouns as something ridiculous like splosh/speckle-burt for shits and giggles, but I'd probably end up losing my job.
 

clem84

Gold Member
I just said I'd like to abstain from answering that question. She didn't give me a hard time about it. And I wasn't going to be rude, because I'm sure it's practice policy, but I really wanted to say something else about it. I didn't out of respect to her.
I think it's the correct way to handle it. She might not even be responsible for it as you say. Just decline to answer.
 

Stuart360

Member
Thankfully only been asked this once so far. Was actually ina chemist where i was asked for some reason. The guy asked how i preffered to be identified and started saying 'he, hi....' i then jumped in and said 'oh please dont involve me in that nonsense', and the chemist smiled and said ok.
I got the sense that inside he felt just as stupid asking as i did getting asked.
 
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Fbh

Member
I only go to doctors that recognize at least 30 different pronouns and have accommodations for my Fursuit.

Seriously though, I've never been asked. But this shit is slowly started to get more common here
 

Cyberpunkd

Gold Member
I was thinking of putting my pronouns as something ridiculous like splosh/speckle-burt for shits and giggles, but I'd probably end up losing my job.
I notice the new Xbox Gaming org charts lists everyone’s pronounces, there are only je/him and she/her. I think trans are discriminated at Microsoft.
 

DanteFox

Member
Even if you're a liberal, asking the question as a default makes no sense. The people who use non-traditional pronouns are in the vast minority. They can let you know what they prefer to be called. Having 98% of people specify that they are a man who identified as a man or a woman who identifies as a woman is just a waste of time.
 

DragoonKain

Neighbours from Hell
Even if you're a liberal, asking the question as a default makes no sense. The people who use non-traditional pronouns are in the vast minority. They can let you know what they prefer to be called. Having 98% of people specify that they are a man who identified as a man or a woman who identifies as a woman is just a waste of time.
The idea of the question comes with the assumption that if one just assumed someone's gender and got it wrong, it would be deeply hurtful. If someone just called someone something and they turned out to identify as another gender. A normal and sane response would be to politely correct them and everyone moves on. However, as a means of power and control, people have used this as basically emotional blackmail to say that if someone calls someone the wrong gender it can crush them emotionally. If that's the case, this isn't their problem. They need a lot of psychological help.

I think it should be treated like anything else. I meet someone by the name Michael. I call him Mike. He said "I prefer to be called Michael." I say ok, and then call him Michael. And that's the end of it. That's how normal human discourse works.
 
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Teslerum

Member
I've had it show up on forms, never where it was required I don't think. I don't see the big deal, it's pretty equivalent to the Mr, Mrs, Miss, Dr etc thing.
So, useless bullshit?

I'm not even disagreeing here, but I've always hated those even before we got the modern incarnation in terms of pronouns. Simply ask marriage status if necessary and nobody fucking cares if you have a doctorate. Thankfully its much less prevalent nowadays.

Still extremely proud of myself of avoiding these whenever I had the need to create a form (and in the future also completely avoiding pronoun questions). Societal garbage.
 

TGO

Hype Train conductor. Works harder than it steams.
I'd be offered they didn't know.
what I don't look manly enough!?
 

BigBeauford

Member
Have some fun with it!

Receptionist: Pronoun?
Me: What do you think?

OR

If she forgets to ask you the pronoun next time you book an appointment, before you hang up, you say eexcuuuuuuse me , I am now this pronoun.
 

poppabk

Member
So, useless bullshit?

I'm not even disagreeing here, but I've always hated those even before we got the modern incarnation in terms of pronouns. Simply ask marriage status if necessary and nobody fucking cares if you have a doctorate. Thankfully its much less prevalent nowadays.

Still extremely proud of myself of avoiding these whenever I had the need to create a form (and in the future also completely avoiding pronoun questions). Societal garbage.
Basically. Some people care a lot though. Call the wrong married woman Miss and you will catch an earful. And vice versa. I had a physics teacher who insisted on being called Dr because he had a PhD. Some people will get triggered by their existence due to the Mrs/Miss thing.
And don't get me started with the whole addressing of mail to family thing.
 
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