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[Gun Animal]

As soon as he started going on about comparing cellphone pictures with a girl in japan i KNEW it was tim rogers. that's longer than it would usually take me to recognize his prose.

edit: why are people in here shitting on tim rogers so much? most game reviewers don't know how to talk about a game like it isn't a slice of bread. Tim turns game reviews into an artform in itself. The way reviews are supposed to work is that you build an understanding of the reviewer, so that over time you can know if you should play a game based on not just whether the reviewer in question "liked" it, but what kind of thoughts it made them have. Tim Rogers excels at thought-having, but to be fair, you need a pretty high IQ to understand Tim Rogers

 

[Ivellios]

What the fuck did i just read?

I have no clue what he is saying but i think he liked the game, maybe.

 

[Ivellios]

As soon as he started going on about comparing cellphone pictures with a girl in japan i KNEW it was tim rogers. that's longer than it would usually take me to recognize his prose.

edit: why are people in here shitting on tim rogers so much? most game reviewers don't know how to talk about a game like it isn't a slice of bread. Tim turns game reviews into an artform in itself. The way reviews are supposed to work is that you build an understanding of the reviewer, so that over time you can know if you should play a game based on not just whether the reviewer in question "liked" it, but what kind of thoughts it made them have. Tim Rogers excels at thought-having, but to be fair, you need a pretty high IQ to understand Tim Rogers

I disagree with you, the notion that you need high IQ to understand something like this is wrong.

I work in science and the number 1 rule about writing good articles is actually making it easier and simple as possible for the reader, making a mess that only a few will understand is not a sign of being smarter.

I believe this is even more true on gaming journalism.

 

[brap]

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Tim Rogers' reviews.

 

[TLZ]

 

[bumleforce]

They are good and reporting things but aome of there reviews and things they cover are weird

 

[Hudo]

It's Tim Rogers. That man is a gift to mankind. I like is humour a lot.

 

[ExpandKong]

That's a shame.

Yeah well unlike the hacks who worked for Huffpost Opinion until very recently, I learned how to code and am doing fine now lol

As soon as he started going on about comparing cellphone pictures with a girl in japan i KNEW it was tim rogers. that's longer than it would usually take me to recognize his prose.

edit: why are people in here shitting on tim rogers so much? most game reviewers don't know how to talk about a game like it isn't a slice of bread. Tim turns game reviews into an artform in itself. The way reviews are supposed to work is that you build an understanding of the reviewer, so that over time you can know if you should play a game based on not just whether the reviewer in question "liked" it, but what kind of thoughts it made them have. Tim Rogers excels at thought-having, but to be fair, you need a pretty high IQ to understand Tim Rogers

Video games are tech toys. Does it look good? Does it play well? Does it sound good? Does it give me enough reason to finish it? These are the things I read reviews to find out, not what brand of vegan burrito Tim Rogers was microwaving when he heard the boot-up jingle for Mario Sunshine for the first time or how he felt clutching his copy of FFX-2 riding the bus home.

Tim Rogers reviews are great for reading if you have a secret crush on Tim Rogers and are trying to get some intel, and very little else. So...good luck in your romantic endeavor I guess.

 

[MC Safety]

Timmy Rogers is not only a classically trained bad writer, but he honestly believes he's the most interesting guy in any room.
Which explains why his video game reviews are overlong, overbearing, and mostly about Timmy's favorite subject, Timmy Rogers.

The worst part is that he's not only a terrible writer, but that he isn't even insightful about himself.

 

[Hudo]

As soon as he started going on about comparing cellphone pictures with a girl in japan i KNEW it was tim rogers. that's longer than it would usually take me to recognize his prose.

edit: why are people in here shitting on tim rogers so much? most game reviewers don't know how to talk about a game like it isn't a slice of bread. Tim turns game reviews into an artform in itself. The way reviews are supposed to work is that you build an understanding of the reviewer, so that over time you can know if you should play a game based on not just whether the reviewer in question "liked" it, but what kind of thoughts it made them have. Tim Rogers excels at thought-having, but to be fair, you need a pretty high IQ to understand Tim Rogers

People are shitting on that "review" because a) It's on Kotaku, so people automatically go into "let's shit on this" mode and b) it's actually more of a humourous take on a review. It's still a review but with the intention to entertain, not a Polygon/Gamespot/Eurogamer et al. "Games are political and serious business" take. Video games are video games. They are their own thing. Not saying that one shouldn't and/or couldn't talk about them "seriously" but most reviewers want to somehow validate themselves by treating video games as those political/artistic pieces. Which is incredibly short-sighted IMHO. Why would you place limitations like that on the medium? Games don't need to be art, games don't need to be political statements. They can be their own thing and can invent limitations that make sense for that medium themselves. They don't need to import those from other places.

And let's be honest, reviews depend on the reviewer a lot. They always did. If you want to get a feel for whether you will like a game or not, you're better off watching a video or trying the demo. I've never found a written review to be an accurate description of what I could feel playing a game because most gaming "journalists" aren't trained to analyse a subject and write about it that way. This is why this whole "personality branding" came about, because those "journalists" know themselves far better than they know how to write about a thing.

 

[Gold_Loot]

This text reads like someone liking the smell of thier own farts.

 

[Mr Nash]

Ha, I knew this was going to be a Tim Rogers article.

 

[Kagey K]

This text reads like someone liking the smell of thier own farts.

 

[Scopa]

Yep. Checks out.

 

[dark10x]

Honestly, that's rather fitting for a Kingdom Hearts review. The game is pure nonsense so I don't expect reviewers to even try to break it down. Is it even a real game? I'm not sure anymore.

 

[Orta]

Some excerpts for your cringing pleasure.

Source: https://kotaku.com/kingdom-hearts-iii-the-kotaku-review-5113989
Archive: http://archive.ph/o8FtC
Shout out to the following twitter user for the screenshots: https://twitter.com/BlackCat_Dandy

 

[Makariel]

It's been a while since I've seen gonzo journalism. The line of KH is like being beaten up by Wikipedia made me chuckle. KH is a fairly nonsensical game, so this review seems fitting. I've seen better, I've seen worse.

Tim Rogers excels at thought-having, but to be fair, you need a pretty high IQ to understand Tim Rogers

Yeah, just keep telling yourself that

 

[Paasei]

Yes.

Spoiler

That's all I thought when I was done reading this.

 

[Nella]

I actually found it pretty funny! I hope they publish a proper one, though.

 

[DeliciousDoc]

This must be what it 's like to be on ritalin and forgetting a dose.

 

[Raynes]

Still relevant.

 

[Geki-D]

 

[Kagey K]

Still relevant.

Goddamn there’s a name I haven’t heard in forever. Where’s he at now?

He got out at a good time, the industry would have ate him alive in this day.

 

[Red Crayon Aristocrat]

Letting video game magazines die was a mistake.

What was wrong with getting all the info you needed month to month? The only real advantage online has ever really had over it was the ability to watch trailers, but spending money to get quality journalism beats free clickbait garbage anyday.

If we still had all the good magazines we had in the 2000s, there would never have been Gamergate or the "gamers are dead" article or Anita Sarkeesian going completely unchallenged or all the other bullshit we've had to endure for years.

 

[Von Hugh]

That is the same guy, right? At least that shit was excellent and refreshing.

 

[Shaqazooloo]

Yeah, I have no idea what this means, dude probably went to a writing class and wanted to show off.

What the fuck did i just read?

I have no clue what he is saying but i think he liked the game, maybe.

My impression was that he hated it and was complaining about it.

 

[SLoWMoTIoN]

Its just a game bro. A disney/squeenix game...

 

[Red Crayon Aristocrat]

Yeah, I have no idea what this means, dude probably went to a writing class and wanted to show off.

My impression was that he hated it and was complaining about it.

Funny how the concept of making it clear what he fucking thought about the game in a "review" didn't enter his head.

It's also funny how garbage like this has a shield over it due to political reasons, could you imagine if this was posted a decade ago? Every single gamer would unite in laughing at this fuckhead regardless of their personal politics.

 

[Pallas]

 

[Ivellios]

Yeah, I have no idea what this means, dude probably went to a writing class and wanted to show off.

My impression was that he hated it and was complaining about it.

I read again some parts real quick and maybe you are right, but the last paragraph seemed like he was actually liking it?

The entire review was unpleasant to read, but the Elza paragraph was one of the most bizarre things i read in a long time too.

Did he actually mentioned the mechanics of the game at all in the full review?

 

[thelawof4]

Eh, IDGAF. Don't like it then don't read it is my stance on this.

 

[mindatlarge]

This text reads like someone liking the smell of thier own farts.

Damn, I thought that was totally normal.

 

[5secondrulesucks]

some people like the review some people hate the review some people think the review is alright

 

[Antoon]

Well, the game does have many flaws.

 

[Thing on a Spring]

This cunt gets paid to write shit like this? Fucking hell.

 

[ROMhack]

Haha that's great. I'd much rather read something enjoyable - which is what reading should be after all - than hear for the seven-thousandth time if a game is good or bad.

 

[ROMhack]

.

 

[V4skunk]

If it's weed, then I wanna know what strain because it must be some really heavy hitting shit.

it has to be some high grade Stardog.

 

[ROMhack]

That's a shame.



The best at being a total dipshit that wastes everyone's time with rambling nonsense maybe.



All those words and it's not even clear whether he thinks the game is worth buying or not.

Why are you so angry about this man? I just sounds like a bit of silly fun to me. Much better than all those dry reviews you could read on literally every other website.

 

[sublimit]

There was a time here on GAF when Shitaku was almost banned. I miss those times.

 

[shark sandwich]

Letting video game magazines die was a mistake.

What was wrong with getting all the info you needed month to month? The only real advantage online has ever really had over it was the ability to watch trailers, but spending money to get quality journalism beats free clickbait garbage anyday.

If we still had all the good magazines we had in the 2000s, there would never have been Gamergate or the "gamers are dead" article or Anita Sarkeesian going completely unchallenged or all the other bullshit we've had to endure for years.

Yeah it really sucks. Very few people are willing to pay for game journalism anymore. So that means it has to be supported by ads. And that means that articles are written first and foremost to grab your attention and “engagement” rather than give you the information you actually want.

And what better way to get attention than by stirring up culture war bullshit?

I guarantee you that PC Gamer review complaining about transphobia (in a paragraph that was included only in the online version of the article) got orders of magnitude more ad impressions than their next-most-popular article.

 

[JareBear: Remastered]

What the fuck did i just read?

I have no clue what he is saying but i think he liked the game, maybe.

 

[haxan7]

Why is it so long...?

 

[Red Crayon Aristocrat]

Why are you so angry about this man? I just sounds like a bit of silly fun to me. Much better than all those dry reviews you could read on literally every other website.

It bothers me because it's a pointless waste of time.

A review shouldn't be just "silly fun", a review should help you decide whether to spend your time and hard earned cash on a game.

It's hilarious to contrast that rambling nonsense with the reviews in EGM, which were sometimes literally a single paragraph long, short and to the point is what you want, not all that bullshit.

Maybe there's room for more in depth criticism and analysis of games that judge them from a more artistic perspective, fair enough, but whatever the hell that review was is not it.

Yeah it really sucks. Very few people are willing to pay for game journalism anymore. So that means it has to be supported by ads. And that means that articles are written first and foremost to grab your attention and “engagement” rather than give you the information you actually want.

And what better way to get attention than by stirring up culture war bullshit?

I guarantee you that PC Gamer review complaining about transphobia (in a paragraph that was included only in the online version of the article) got orders of magnitude more ad impressions than their next-most-popular article.

And the thing with Anita Sarkeesian is it's not even about the magazines disagreeing with her, maybe they wouldn't have, but the point is it would have been, ya know, an actual debate and discussion, not the "KNEEL BEFORE YOUR SUPERIOR, MANBABIES!" cult of personality she got from the online press.

 

[ROMhack]

It bothers me because it's a pointless waste of time.

A review shouldn't be just "silly fun", a review should help you decide whether to spend your time and hard earned cash on a game.

It's hilarious to contrast that rambling nonsense with the reviews in EGM, which were sometimes literally a single paragraph long, short and to the point is what you want, not all that bullshit.

Maybe there's room for more in depth criticism and analysis of games that judge them from a more artistic perspective, fair enough, but whatever the hell that review was is not it.

I don't agree. If games reviews were more fun then I'd definitely read more of them. It's why I like Tom Chick's reviews, for instance.

 

[sublimit]

As soon that's longer than it would usually take me to recognize his prose.

Tim Rogers excels at thought-having, but to be fair, you need a pretty high IQ to understand Tim Rogers

lol

 

[zenspider]

It's Tim Rogers. That man is a gift to mankind. I like is humour a lot.

I love his videos, but this really rubbed me the wrong way. I wonder if it wasn't under the kotaku "Gamers Are Dead" banner if I would have had a different opinion.

 

[Red Crayon Aristocrat]

I love his videos, but this really rubbed me the wrong way. I wonder if it wasn't under the kotaku "Gamers Are Dead" banner if I would have had a different opinion.

Technically the "gamers are dead" article was not actually Kotaku, right?

 

[Petrae]

Letting video game magazines die was a mistake.

What was wrong with getting all the info you needed month to month? The only real advantage online has ever really had over it was the ability to watch trailers, but spending money to get quality journalism beats free clickbait garbage anyday.

If we still had all the good magazines we had in the 2000s, there would never have been Gamergate or the "gamers are dead" article or Anita Sarkeesian going completely unchallenged or all the other bullshit we've had to endure for years.

The Magazine Era got to the fucking point and stayed focused. It wasn’t about weird experimental writing or making the gaming press the stars of the show instead of the games the press was writing about. Off-the-wall hipster writing like this wouldn’t have even made it past the editorial teams at Ultra Game Players’ or GameFan, let alone the big guns at EGM or Video Games & Computer Entertainment. Sure, there’s a small audience that this kind of writing appeals to— but if I read this tripe in a magazine that I paid for, I’d be reconsidering buying that magazine again.

The 24/7 content cycle has been a killer. Quotas for new content at all hours, and the perceived need to draw attention in order to steal views/website visits from other places, means that the games themselves are no longer important to traditional gaming press. It’s the person who’s writing or talking about them that has to elevate above them and create something either so controversial or so patently fucking strange that it forces people to take notice. It’s narcissistic bullshit that minimizes the video games they’re supposed to cover.

The assertion that reviews are all the same thing has some validity to it, but reviews alone aren’t what earned subscriber or newsstand cash. It was individual features, like explaining technical things or behind-the-scenes looks at games that we were excited for. It was, at least for me, also about reading the different viewpoints of individual reviewers to draw a clearer picture of the games being covered. I bought no fewer than 5 different gaming magazines monthly and enjoyed reading them all.

Of course, with social media and YouTube/Twitch out there now, traditional gaming press is worthless... especially when it comes to video game reviews. Anybody can do it, and nobody has to pay a thing to get the info they need. Now it’s easier to form individual opinions without reading or watching a single review, thanks to the availability of game footage and media out there.

 

[Red Crayon Aristocrat]

The 24/7 content cycle has been a killer. Quotas for new content at all hours,

And like I said, for gaming, monthly updates was all you really needed, not a day to day thing, there's only so much going on in the gaming world.