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Man Announces His 'Retirement' From Pornhub Because He's Found Love

Kev Kev

Gold Member
reading through the comments on pornhub videos is almost as much fun as watching the porno. shit is fucking hilarious

i read one one time that went something like "are you fucking kidding!? 45 minutes and all you could manage was two little poots of cum? you're a real asshole pal"

:messenger_tears_of_joy: :messenger_tears_of_joy: :messenger_tears_of_joy:
 
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I've been single for a while now. I'm as picky as the women I desire, so I haven't had a relationship last for a good handful of years now. Lots of hookups where I or the other person are no longer interested the next day.

I see a comment like this and I feel happy for him, but more so jealous and sad. So I stick around for comments like DeepEnigma's, which remind me that love is always fleeting, and even with the relationships that did last, I wanted out about half the time, once the honeymoon was over.
Love is a choice you make, not a feeling you wait around for. Do it on purpose with one woman and you will be more happy (it’s a lot of work too, but you will generally be much more happy - being single was mostly miserable). Credentials: married more than a decade.
 

German Hops

Member
 

MastaKiiLA

Member
Love is a choice you make, not a feeling you wait around for. Do it on purpose with one woman and you will be more happy (it’s a lot of work too, but you will generally be much more happy - being single was mostly miserable). Credentials: married more than a decade.
That's subjective. There is a lot of fun in variety. My single days were much more satisfying sexually than the current relationship I'm in. My fiance is great, but she's not a dozen different women. No single person has it all. Some women do some things better than others. I miss the rotation. That said, I chose to settle down with my fiance, because she takes good care of me, and sex with her is enough. However, I won't ever confuse enough with a lot. It's possible to be single, and be as happy as any married person professes to be. Especially if you value your personal time and freedom. i
 

Tschumi

Member
Hell i stopped using ph because all their stuff that wasn't nasty amateur crap was behind a pay wall.. such a buzzkill to go on and see freaking indian grandmas in purple lingere with perm jobs
 

MastaKiiLA

Member
*Me throwing out my porn stash when I got my first girlfriend "I don't need these anymore!"*
Ah, yes. The pre-internet days of porn stashes. I had quite the VHS collection I compiled over a few summer co-ops. Mostly Vivid Entertainment and what is now Evasive Angels. The thing kids today will never understand is the sorrow of literally throwing away a pile of mags or tapes, because you can't easily give away some of the nasty filth you entertained yourself with, out of fear of your friends losing respect for you. Mail order porn...you will be missed.

EDIT: Your porn stash was basically your internet browser history in physical form. Wrap your head around that shit...lol.
 
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Excess

Member
Ah, yes. The pre-internet days of porn stashes. I had quite the VHS collection I compiled over a few summer co-ops. Mostly Vivid Entertainment and what is now Evasive Angels. The thing kids today will never understand is the sorrow of literally throwing away a pile of mags or tapes, because you can't easily give away some of the nasty filth you entertained yourself with, out of fear of your friends losing respect for you. Mail order porn...you will be missed.

EDIT: Your porn stash was basically your internet browser history in physical form. Wrap your head around that shit...lol.
 

nush

Gold Member
Ah, yes. The pre-internet days of porn stashes. I had quite the VHS collection I compiled over a few summer co-ops. Mostly Vivid Entertainment and what is now Evasive Angels. The thing kids today will never understand is the sorrow of literally throwing away a pile of mags or tapes, because you can't easily give away some of the nasty filth you entertained yourself with, out of fear of your friends losing respect for you. Mail order porn...you will be missed.

EDIT: Your porn stash was basically your internet browser history in physical form. Wrap your head around that shit...lol.

I even had porn on Laserdisc, the highest quality picture quality at the time, getting rid of those discretely was a mission. Happy days when the new Fiona Cooper catalogues arrived.

I once saw a skip near my dads apartment with an ungodly amount of porn tossed in it, I guess like me that guy had got the internet at home so it was surplus to requirements. I watched as at least once an hour different guys would casually walk past and leave with armfuls* of porn until it had all gone.

*stuffed up their jackets or in supermarket carrier bags.
 

chromhound

Member
what the hell is going on lol....

Why not just watch porn with your girlfriend? Something i used to do. i miss her sometimes but fuck her
 
That's subjective. There is a lot of fun in variety. My single days were much more satisfying sexually than the current relationship I'm in. My fiance is great, but she's not a dozen different women. No single person has it all. Some women do some things better than others. I miss the rotation. That said, I chose to settle down with my fiance, because she takes good care of me, and sex with her is enough. However, I won't ever confuse enough with a lot. It's possible to be single, and be as happy as any married person professes to be. Especially if you value your personal time and freedom. i

I believe that's referred to as the corkscrew
 

Ionian

Member
I even had porn on Laserdisc, the highest quality picture quality at the time, getting rid of those discretely was a mission.

Jaysus, that must have been some feat. Didn't even know those existed, must research!

As for me, wooded areas. Wasn't urban legend, there were always bags of porn hidden but sick fucks (probably teenagers hiding their stash) when I grew up, used to be a goldmine. This is back in the day when cities still have their own orchids and-or-land they hadn't expanded their house into yet. The best place was an adandoned back of a house that the back-wall boundary was into a convent to an all-girls school.

Only knew the place as it was were kids could hide to underage drink and homeless people used to sleep, a luscious mini forest. Another one far later as a teen, there was a massive private park with an old-delpidated path around the external walls. Only bags I ever found there was bags of gay porn which I swiftly dropped, each to their own. I hope those deviants appreciated the fact their collections were safe when coming back for a cheeky wank.

Ah those were the days, a cheeky can of beer, a wander behind the bushes with a lass for a bit of naughty and hidden treasures awaiting the curious. No Playstations back then! (Could collect achievements though, ooer) ;)
 

nush

Gold Member
As for me, wooded areas. Wasn't urban legend,

I was one of the guys that passed the torch of used pron mags to the less fortunate that were not old enough to buy it for themselves. Woodland porn was a necessity as a kid so I played it forward. Circle of life before uncensored internet was piped into everyone's homes.

Horny teenage boys don't know how good they have it now.
 

BadBurger

Gold Member
why is this a news

Why not? lol


I was one of the guys that passed the torch of used pron mags to the less fortunate that were not old enough to buy it for themselves. Woodland porn was a necessity as a kid so I played it forward. Circle of life before uncensored internet was piped into everyone's homes.

Horny teenage boys don't know how good they have it now.

Oh shit, in my poverty neighborhood the older kids would dump their mags in the alleys between apartment complexes.
 
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Ionian

Member
I was one of the guys that passed the torch of used pron mags to the less fortunate that were not old enough to buy it for themselves. Woodland porn was a necessity as a kid so I played it forward. Circle of life before uncensored internet was piped into everyone's homes.

Horny teenage boys don't know how good they have it now.

When my Sicilian ex found my stash she went ballastic (years of working night shifts in shops had the thieving bonus, face off the mag, send the title back with newspaper returns, no one was the wiser as the owner got credit back) so she made me fuck them all out.

Tipped off my mates they were in the bins outside my gaff, they went away with truck-loads that night after a few bevvies.

Once had a landlord calling over, hid a load in an oven (was a sudden call). Forgot about them but I still remember the smell when I preheated the oven for a pizza a day later. The ladies on the pages that didn't go on fire at least got a free tan. (Pages stuck together for all the wrong reasons).
 
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nush

Gold Member
face off the mag, send the title back with newspaper returns, no one was the wiser as the owner got credit back)

Worked in a game shop, was the same for the gaming magazines back in the day. We were allowed to take them. However I do remember diving in the bins behind the newagents to find many coverless porn mags. Could be a bit of a wildcard though as you could end up with Asian babes (Indian, Pakistani women) or Naughty 50's or even worse H&E Naturalist mags mixed in with the good stuff.
 

Ionian

Member
Worked in a game shop, was the same for the gaming magazines back in the day. We were allowed to take them. However I do remember diving in the bins behind the newagents to find many coverless porn mags. Could be a bit of a wildcard though as you could end up with Asian babes (Indian, Pakistani women) or Naughty 50's or even worse H&E Naturalist mags mixed in with the good stuff.

Hahaha, first ever *porn mag I tried to steal. Father sent me to the shop to pick up the Sunday Paper, slipped one of those bad boys (H&E) into the paper as they had tonnes of insertsradio/TV guides etc. Granny tits and shrunken willies.

Got home, opened it up. That was certainly an experience to try to find a page to wank to. Only so many granny pages you can skip-through. Christ that brings me back. hilarious thinking that was top-shelf too, was shitting myself thinking the dude at the till had copped me.

Probably left it in an orchard like all the deviants. Maybe that's why they're always found there. 'The unwankable path of shame'. The book 'the Joy of Sex' had more material, plus at least was very educational. Cracking-up laughing about that now, man, those were the days.

EDIT: Holy fuck, had to check. It's still going. hahaha. Well, I am older now! :D
 
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Ionian

Member
Hahaha, first ever *porn mag I tried to steal. Father sent me to the shop to pick up the Sunday Paper, slipped one of those bad boys (H&E) into the paper as they had tonnes of insertsradio/TV guides etc. Granny tits and shrunken willies.

Got home, opened it up. That was certainly an experience to try to find a page to wank to. Only so many granny pages you can skip-through. Christ that brings me back. hilarious thinking that was top-shelf too, was shitting myself thinking the dude at the till had copped me.

Probably left it in an orchard like all the deviants. Maybe that's why they're always found there. 'The unwankable path of shame'. The book 'the Joy of Sex' had more material, plus at least was very educational. Cracking-up laughing about that now, man, those were the days.

EDIT: Holy fuck, had to check. It's still going. hahaha. Well, I am older now! :D

Nothing dodgy here at all, absolutely totally natural.


"LOVELY, OLDER LADY, 70, offers naturist, intimate, fbsm. Clean, discreet, ground floor flat. Wetroom and easy parking. Very friendly, welcoming and unrushed. Four-hand also available. Northampton, 5 mins from J15A. "

I know what I'm doing this weekend ...
 

haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
I was one of the guys that passed the torch of used pron mags to the less fortunate that were not old enough to buy it for themselves. Woodland porn was a necessity as a kid so I played it forward. Circle of life before uncensored internet was piped into everyone's homes.

Horny teenage boys don't know how good they have it now.
I'm a bit younger than you but I remember literally jerking off to a scrap of a playboy I tore out of a used copy for sale in a antique store near where I lived. I got dozens of wanks out of that thing until my mom somehow found it and confiscated it.

Those were rough times for the horny.
 
I'm a bit younger than you but I remember literally jerking off to a scrap of a playboy I tore out of a used copy for sale in a antique store near where I lived. I got dozens of wanks out of that thing until my mom somehow found it and confiscated it.

Those were rough times for the horny.
And here I thought you were a man of culture with the sears catalogs.
 

nush

Gold Member
Hahaha, first ever *porn mag I tried to steal. Father sent me to the shop to pick up the Sunday Paper, slipped one of those bad boys (H&E) into the paper as they had tonnes of insertsradio/TV guides etc. Granny tits and shrunken willies.

First one I stole from a newsagents one saturday morning and just as I'd just stuffed it up my jacket (learned to slide it in a newspaper with sunday mags inside later on) and walked outside one of my teachers was there by chance and decides she's going to have a nice conversation with you. All the time I'm sweating thinking I've been caught in an elaborate sting operation by the school to stop porn theft and she's just there to keep me busy until the cops show up.

But at least I stole a quality Paul Raymond publication.
 

Ionian

Member
First one I stole from a newsagents one saturday morning and just as I'd just stuffed it up my jacket (learned to slide it in a newspaper with sunday mags inside later on) and walked outside one of my teachers was there by chance and decides she's going to have a nice conversation with you. All the time I'm sweating thinking I've been caught in an elaborate sting operation by the school to stop porn theft and she's just there to keep me busy until the cops show up.

But at least I stole a quality Paul Raymond publication.

Hahaha, the visual image of that had me cracking up laughing as I could just imagine it. The early days of porn/porno mags for kids/teens really could be a thread of it's own. Some of these stories are absolute goldmines of hilarity.

Had one chap I lived with, he was a compulsive liar. Could write a thread about him alone, real Walter Mitty chap. He lived with me for a few weeks, said his grandmother was sick and had to head away for a bit. Thought it odd he brought everything with him but whatever, he'd only just moved in and didn't have much.

After a few weeks and no rent appearing I went to clear his room to let again. Under his mattress was a plastic bag with very neatly folded and ordered pages taken from women's magazines, tights, bras all that type of shit. No nudity, just women's underwear in order of catagorys. I knew this dude was bonkers but I couldn't stop laughing, if I had of known about it before would have randomly slipped a few tits in here and there to really confuse him.

He obviously realized his mistake so went on damage control (went to the same rock bars) and told my sister and anyone who would listen that I was a heroin addict and couldn't be trusted. I sought him down at his workplace to confront him once I heard, I was beyond livid. He hid behind the intercom like the coward he was. Still he was the one jacking it to granny knickers and he's still branded to this day, bonus part, he was the size of an oompa loompa. No way he'd ever be able to get his leg over anyway.
 
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