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Off-Topic Personality Mental Health |AT| GAF

JetSetJustin

Member
Jan 14, 2021
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So yeah, Buspar... anyone take it? This stuff gives me the weirdest headache when I miss a dose. The worst part is its not like a benzo so you don't "feel" the effect of the drug kick in or wear off so I'm always forgetting to take it. Plus I gotta take it 3x a day. I usually go like hours wondering why the hell my head hurts and I feel like shit then realize I forgot to take it.

Haven't been super great about remembering to take meds lately.

Also, are any of you also super dependent on nicotine. It's been bad. I get 200 pieces of gum from the pharmacy every 10 days and I use an ecig. I guess it's somewhat ok, considering I smoked around 1.5 to 2 packs a day pre-pandemic.
 
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Sidney Prescott

Unconfirmed Member
Bit of exciting news today, kind of:

I've been writing consistently in a Journal for a year now. I only just recently realised how long it has been. I picked it up not expecting anything, and ended up just really enjoying jotting down my feelings. You're not going to write a lot every single day, but it helps to at least write about what is bothering you about today. What was good/what was bad. Pen and paper works best, as actually writing it feels more rewarding for some reason.

I would never share what I have wrote, but I like going back and reading what I was struggling with. I sometimes realise that the problems were not that big of a deal, and were just feelings that came. I wrote my first bit from a year ago, and honestly it is crazy to see how much I've developed as a person. My problems have got a lot smaller since then, and the way I write is with a far more positive outlook. My earlier writing was very negative.

Just wanted to share that anyways, it feels like a big deal in my life. Got no one else to share something so private with.

Now, time to write how I felt about today. Spoiler: It has actually been good.


 

RoyalLaFlame

Member
Oct 22, 2013
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Been feeling like trash the past few weeks. Get irritated super easily, especially with my girlfriend.

Don't know if it's because I'm not being recognized enough for my work (ego is a bitch, and I should stop with it), stress from working a lot, not having my own time, I have no idea. All I know is that I'm getting tired of it, and it's like I'm never happy, like there's always some kind of problem.


99% of the time I just want to tell people to fuck off and leave me alone.
 
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S

Sidney Prescott

Unconfirmed Member
Been feeling like trash the past few weeks. Get irritated super easily, especially with my girlfriend.

Don't know if it's because I'm not being recognized enough for my work (ego is a bitch, and I should stop with it), stress from working a lot, not having my own time, I have no idea. All I know is that I'm getting tired of it, and it's like I'm never happy, like there's always some kind of problem.


99% of the time I just want to tell people to fuck off and leave me alone.
I can relate to feeling that way. There was a period in my life where I was extremely irritable and every single thing annoyed me. Usually I'm super relaxed and keep the anxious thoughts to myself.

You are probably on the money with the reasons you listed. For me, it was not having enough time to myself (I'm a massive introvert) and worrying about others and what they think too much.

What helped me was just to focus on myself, having space away from others and enjoying some quality time alone. The pandemic has actually helped me in that regard, I have had far more time away from others and it has been a blessing. I would like to be around people again, but glad to have been able to appreciate my own time again.

I would try to be aware of yourself doing it and stop yourself in the moment, maybe think how it makes your girlfriend feel. It's definitely hard but becoming self-aware of it is one of the first steps. You also talk to her about it, it does help to let off steam. I'm not an expert, so take what I say with a grain of salt. Good luck, hope you feel better soon.
 

RoyalLaFlame

Member
Oct 22, 2013
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I can relate to feeling that way. There was a period in my life where I was extremely irritable and every single thing annoyed me. Usually I'm super relaxed and keep the anxious thoughts to myself.

You are probably on the money with the reasons you listed. For me, it was not having enough time to myself (I'm a massive introvert) and worrying about others and what they think too much.

What helped me was just to focus on myself, having space away from others and enjoying some quality time alone. The pandemic has actually helped me in that regard, I have had far more time away from others and it has been a blessing. I would like to be around people again, but glad to have been able to appreciate my own time again.

I would try to be aware of yourself doing it and stop yourself in the moment, maybe think how it makes your girlfriend feel. It's definitely hard but becoming self-aware of it is one of the first steps. You also talk to her about it, it does help to let off steam. I'm not an expert, so take what I say with a grain of salt. Good luck, hope you feel better soon.
Yeah, I talked with my gf about it and feel better about it. I think I do understand why I'm feeling like this, and it's also her fault, actually I think a lot of it it's because of her behaviors.

But I always try to be a better man, I should be able to control myself better.

Thank you for your words. I will focus more on myself, take my time off, I miss it a lot.
 
S

Sidney Prescott

Unconfirmed Member
Yeah, I talked with my gf about it and feel better about it. I think I do understand why I'm feeling like this, and it's also her fault, actually I think a lot of it it's because of her behaviors.

But I always try to be a better man, I should be able to control myself better.

Thank you for your words. I will focus more on myself, take my time off, I miss it a lot.
I'm glad you talked it out with her. It's not easy to open up, good job. I'm sure you can work things out between the both of you, good luck.

Self-awareness was the first major thing that turned things around for me. Just being aware of my actions and emotions, trying to control them beforehand.
 
S

Sidney Prescott

Unconfirmed Member
This is going to be a long winded post, but I'm going to share my progress with my reliance on the internet and give some tips to others in a similar predicament with obsessive personalities or internet addiction. I have always had problems with moderation, but the past year or so I've been learning a lot. I figure sharing some advice might help someone, as I notice a couple of users banned themselves for these reasons. It's a shame they are no longer with us. Whilst that is perfectly understandable, and a good step, I think you can enjoy the internet without having to go to the extremes. Just by setting a few barriers.

Saying "Just log out" doesn't work for most people, I know it doesn't for me. It really depends on how much you value the internet. You get in to this habit of just opening up sites without thinking about it, and the first step is breaking out of that.

This is what I personally do, and what you can try:

- Try using a dumb phone or leaving your phone alone stored somewhere when it isn't needed.
A dumb phone helps by limiting the apps. I personally do this, my phone is boring, and that is a good thing. I text and call from it, that's it. It gets put out of reach when I get home. If you have a smart phone, try to put it somewhere where it's hassle to reach, don't keep it right next to you. Avoid the temptation of mindless scrolling.

- Put a countdown timer when you use sites like GAF, Reddit, Youtube etc.
I do this on occasion. I set a timer for say 30 minutes, and when that time is up I have to get off. No ifs, ands and buts. It's time to close the tab and do something else. It keeps me in check.

- Have No Surf days.
Try having a day where you don't use the internet to browse at all. You won't miss much, trust me. Do some reading, watch a movie, play games. Whatever it may be, just get away from it all for a bit. I have days where I don't think about my PC at all, it's refreshing.

- Use a reward system.
I do all my chores first, and then I use the internet. I don't say "Eh, I'll do it later" as that lets me wriggle my way out of it, and forms bad habits again.

Those are just some things you can try. I still have nights where I spend too much time online, but I always make sure to then have a couple of days away from the internet. For now, that balances it out. I eventually want to reach a point where I never spend more time than I originally intended to do. Weekends I give myself a bit more freedom as I don't tend to do much anyways, but I make my week days very productive. I look at my Weekends as my leisure time.

Remember: You're not a bad person for using the internet. You can have fun and enjoy yourself. Just remember if it's becoming a problem or getting in the way of real life things, then you should take some steps to change your habits. Habits are hard to break, but they can be changed.

Mel B Good Luck GIF by America's Got Talent


I'm always a PM away if anyone wants support with this. I have come so far since my early 20's. I used to never leave my screen.
 

Kev Kev

Gold Member
Oct 25, 2012
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Routine is key

I really need to keep routine in my life. I’ve been trying to fight against it for a while now. I made a thread a while back about how I hated being a minimalist and perfectionist, and how I was purposefully introducing chaos and disorder into my life to fight against that. I guess I just didn’t like the idea that my life was a laundry list, like it was already planned out, as if I was just going through the motions of my day and being a puppet to my “list of shit to do today”.

But it’s not like that at all, because I’m doing the things I want to do. It’s not a job, it’s not a chore... it’s just an organized way of setting goals and achieving them daily, weekly, monthly, yearly and for life. Just because I have my whole day planned out, and maybe even my whole week, does not mean I’m not free or a slave to my routine. It just means that I have made a conscious choice to achieve some goals, and the routine I have come up with is going to help me get there. It’s all me. It’s all my choice. All I have to do now, is show up and do it, and all of my dreams can become reality.

I took the rest of the day off to clean my place, crest a list of shit I need to do, and come up with some goals for this week and this month. It’s time I get back to being a winner. This demon in me loves to live in chaos and self destruction, and I’ve been letting it win for far too long. It’s time to let go of the past, and get back to a routine that leads me to victory.

Good luck everyone and I hope your all having a great week.
 

kingwingin

Member
Aug 12, 2014
4,358
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The last year I've been extremely depressed. Stopped caring about anything I once loved. Lost my appetite and lost 100 pounds but I just chalked it up to pandemic stress pushing me over the top.

3 days ago I shaved my beard for the first time in years and was disgusted at how my face looks. Ive never had issues with weight gain in my face before but now It looks like I have a moon face from cushings syndrome. It may sound dumb but that was the one thing I loved about myself, I'm fat, balding, hate everything about myself but atleast I always loved my face

Then yesterday I got an email from the vape company I use, celebrating my one year with them and it got me thinking if that was the root of my elevated depression and face fat. I used the smoke a half pack a day but with the convenience of vaping I'm up to the equivalent of 3 packs a day.

I looked up if cortisol increases with nicotine use and articles on Google say yes but I don't know if it's enough to cause my issues. I have the week off in a few days and will try to quit cold turkey and hopefully I can get my life back to managable levels.

I really wanted to kill myself up until last week but the fear of looking like this while laying in a coffin has really pushed me in the other direction.

Just venting here after 3 days of extreme anxiety filled sleepless nights
 

belmarduk

Member
Nov 19, 2019
2,979
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The last year I've been extremely depressed. Stopped caring about anything I once loved. Lost my appetite and lost 100 pounds but I just chalked it up to pandemic stress pushing me over the top.

3 days ago I shaved my beard for the first time in years and was disgusted at how my face looks. Ive never had issues with weight gain in my face before but now It looks like I have a moon face from cushings syndrome. It may sound dumb but that was the one thing I loved about myself, I'm fat, balding, hate everything about myself but atleast I always loved my face

Then yesterday I got an email from the vape company I use, celebrating my one year with them and it got me thinking if that was the root of my elevated depression and face fat. I used the smoke a half pack a day but with the convenience of vaping I'm up to the equivalent of 3 packs a day.

I looked up if cortisol increases with nicotine use and articles on Google say yes but I don't know if it's enough to cause my issues. I have the week off in a few days and will try to quit cold turkey and hopefully I can get my life back to managable levels.

I really wanted to kill myself up until last week but the fear of looking like this while laying in a coffin has really pushed me in the other direction.

Just venting here after 3 days of extreme anxiety filled sleepless nights

... but hey, you lost 100lbs. That's an accomplishment you should be proud of! It will be overwhelming attacking all of the problems you face. Its best to do it one at a time. For your weight problem, you're already making great progress.
 

IanH

Neo Member
Dec 2, 2020
18
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Staffordshire
So yeah, Buspar... anyone take it? This stuff gives me the weirdest headache when I miss a dose. The worst part is its not like a benzo so you don't "feel" the effect of the drug kick in or wear off so I'm always forgetting to take it. Plus I gotta take it 3x a day. I usually go like hours wondering why the hell my head hurts and I feel like shit then realize I forgot to take it.

Haven't been super great about remembering to take meds lately.

Also, are any of you also super dependent on nicotine. It's been bad. I get 200 pieces of gum from the pharmacy every 10 days and I use an ecig. I guess it's somewhat ok, considering I smoked around 1.5 to 2 packs a day pre-pandemic.
Hi there.
if you have means.. Use Alexa.
I suffer epilepsy and require 18 meds a day, just missing 1 triggers symptoms and seizures easily follow. Alexa base at home and also on phone, tablet, laptop etc.
08:30 “Reminder, Morning meds” and 20:00 “Reminder, evening meds”.
then put couple alerts tones on devices perhaps 30 mins after just in case.
Good luck.
 
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undrtakr900

Member
Oct 30, 2007
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Most posts in this thread are about users struggling/coping with mental health, so I was wondering oes anyone have any Positive or Success stories of overcoming/reducing the symtoms of a mental illness(es)?
 
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RoyalLaFlame

Member
Oct 22, 2013
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I feel like lately I've been feeling super irritated and impatient really easily. I have no idea what's exactly causing it, but minimal things that before didn't bother me are starting the leave super angry. Things like my cat meowing, my girlfriend complaining about something. Before these things didn't bother me at all, but lately every time something like this happens I just want to tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone.


This is clearly affecting my daily life and my gf already has noticed it.
 

Kev Kev

Gold Member
Oct 25, 2012
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I feel like lately I've been feeling super irritated and impatient really easily. I have no idea what's exactly causing it, but minimal things that before didn't bother me are starting the leave super angry. Things like my cat meowing, my girlfriend complaining about something. Before these things didn't bother me at all, but lately every time something like this happens I just want to tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone.


This is clearly affecting my daily life and my gf already has noticed it.
do you have a "release valve"? working out, video games, art, meditation, running, cook a good meal, etc...? do you do anything like that? working out was how i dealt with anger/anxiety issues. id be so tired by the late afternoon that i didnt have the energy to be upset. i think we need somewhere to direct our energy and vent it, if not it builds up inside over time, and then one day we just blow up on someone who probably doesnt deserve it, like our girlfriend or our cat lol. not sure if that helps, but best of luck to you!
 
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RoyalLaFlame

Member
Oct 22, 2013
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do you have a "release valve"? working out, video games, art, meditation, running, cook a good meal, etc...? do you do anything like that? working out was how i dealt with anger/anxiety issues. id be so tired by the late afternoon that i didnt have the energy to be upset. i think we need somewhere to direct our energy and vent it, if not it builds up inside over time, and then one day we just blow up on someone who probably doesnt deserve it, like our girlfriend or our cat lol. not sure if that helps, but best of luck to you!
Actually I don't. I feel like I have no energy or time to do anything. I used to love working out, was in great shape, used to play videogames on my spare time, but since moving in with my gf... well, just forget about those things, I barely do them.

She's a lazy person and I feel it brings me down with her. It's not her fault, I'm the one letting myself be affected by it.

PS: The poor cat meows and I meow at him back even louder, he immediately shuts up hahahaahaha Still love him though.
 
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Tuff McNutt

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Jun 15, 2020
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The land of sky blue waters
pornhub.com
A lot of people are going through similar things with COVID, being "trapped" together with someone all day every day makes even minor things seem awful. It sounds like you're not doing any self-care, which is going to be bad for your health, both physical and mental. I would suggest taking small steps like going for a walk for 30 minutes every day. Unless you start doing something different, nothing's going to change.
 
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Tuff McNutt

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Jun 15, 2020
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The land of sky blue waters
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Most posts in this thread are about users struggling/coping with mental health, so I was wondering oes anyone have any Positive or Success stories of overcoming/reducing the symtoms of a mental illness(es)?
Yes, I am doing much better than I was a year ago. Most of my life I have been dealing with depression, anixety, PTSD, and drug/alcohol abuse. There were a couple of points where I attempted suicide (one where I flatlined) and ended up in psych wards.

But it is a lot of work. Taking meds and working with a psychiatrist regularly to monitor/adjust the dosages, individual and couples therapy, treatment for alcohol use (which I view as another aspect of mental health, not a separate "disease"), groups, and so on.

Mostly I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have a 3 year old and I want to be a positive dad for him, as well as a better person overall.
 
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-Minsc-

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Nov 14, 2009
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Thinking of the future of farming is making me feel down. A part of me wants to farm, just not the progressively larger scale. The farm I grew up with is definitely going the way of the horse. Letting go of a family farm is tough.
 
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sorry to bump the thread.

don't even know why i'm posting this but whatever even if it's just to get it out of my head. been feeling shit the last few weeks. i have these spells every now and then. wouldn't say i'm happy with my life at all but i can still get up to go to work, look after myself (shower, eat, etc), and if i force myself i can sit down to play some games, read a book, or watch TV. it feels like such a huge effort to do anything that i used to enjoy.

it was my - recently (a few weeks ago) and i think that's what's started this period of feeling like crap (or more than usual). got no friends so was just some of my family i spent it with. i was ill on my - and wanted to stay in bed but nah i felt like i was being forced to be there for their sake. they wanted to have a party, get drunk, and listen to music. a few times i put music on i wanted to listen to and they would turn it off. anyway that's not really what set me off it was just cause i was getting older lol. i feel like i've wasted so much of my life. this fucking depression has ruined the last 10 years of my life. well really it's longer than that but the last 10 years were shite. when i think back of everything that happened between 2011-2021....i can't think of many exciting things i've done.

last week i was having panic attacks and yesterday they were back. i need to try keep pushing out these negative thoughts or else i'll just spiral and it feels like i'm gonna suffocate. i'm finding i'm a lot more irritable with people and really i can't be arsed with them. with my family i feel like i can't tell them how i feel. i mean they know i've got depression and think about killing myself but i feel like they don't take me seriously or pretend it's not real or that i'll suddenly snap out of it. it's been 15 fucking years. i remember a couple years i had a breakdown and severe panic attack where i ended up having to go see a doctor. my - was with me when i sitting there telling the doctor i can't stop drinking and that i want to kill myself but after that she doesn't even ask me how i am. any time i get angry or upset when i'm with her she shouts/snaps at me. it's as though i'm not allowed to show any emotion. just put on a fucking happy face and be happy all the time.

i know i need help but i really don't know if i can deal with all that shite again. going to doctors all the time, taking medication, sitting down and talking to people. i done all that 10 years ago and i really can't do it again. so if i don't want to get help i feel like i'm just gonna keep suffering. i obviously don't want to feel like this but at the same time i don't want to go get help. not just the depression but my drinking. i've tried countless times to stop but always fail so i know i need professional help but fuck going to appointments and telling them how i feel.

what i've been feeling is that maybe i should stop fighting the depression. like i said i can still function (go to work, eat, shower, etc) but i'm at the point i feel like giving up on everything. probably i'll still get up, get washed, go to work, but that's about it. i don't want to talk to anyone anymore at work. don't want to spend time with anymore. don't feel like eating much anymore.

i keep thinking about killing myself. have for a long time but always put off by worrying about my family. i'm at the point now i don't even care. i'm starting to think of getting shit in order. get rid of a lot of stuff myself so my - doesn't need to go through too much of my stuff. i'll make sure she gets hold of all my money so she doesn't need to worry about the cost of fucking burning me. probably just transfer it all into her bank. there's some things i deal with for her so i'll need to make sure she can learn to do that for herself. i'm working on making it easier for her by withdrawing myself from her life so that when i go hopefully it won't hurt as much. i know it'll hurt her a lot still but i'm beyond the point of caring. i know that sounds awful but i'm hurting a lot too. not that it seems to matter much to anyone. fuck how i'm feeling as long as i keep them happy, right?

ok i'm done. nothing more to say. :messenger_weary:
 
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Kev Kev

Gold Member
Oct 25, 2012
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i know i need help
yes, you do. you said it yourself, so go do it. seek professional help again today. not tomorrow, not next week, right now. you will continue to suffer until you do so.

sorry youre feeling crumby. i am too, a lot of us are. but you have to make the choice to keep fighting. its hard, and your not gonna win every battle, but the only way out is through. seriously though, you need to go back to the doctor. its great to air things out on a forum, but what youre describing, what youre going through, we cant help you with that, and typing it out isnt going to make any real lasting changes either. i dont mean to suggest you shouldnt post your thoughts ITT, thats what the topic is for after all. I just mean that it sounds like you are in serious need of professional help, and you should put down the phone or keyboard or whatever, and go make an appointment right now.

good luck homie. you can do it.
 
sorry to bump the thread.

don't even know why i'm posting this but whatever even if it's just to get it out of my head. been feeling shit the last few weeks. i have these spells every now and then. wouldn't say i'm happy with my life at all but i can still get up to go to work, look after myself (shower, eat, etc), and if i force myself i can sit down to play some games, read a book, or watch TV. it feels like such a huge effort to do anything that i used to enjoy.

it was my - recently (a few weeks ago) and i think that's what's started this period of feeling like crap (or more than usual). got no friends so was just some of my family i spent it with. i was ill on my - and wanted to stay in bed but nah i felt like i was being forced to be there for their sake. they wanted to have a party, get drunk, and listen to music. a few times i put music on i wanted to listen to and they would turn it off. anyway that's not really what set me off it was just cause i was getting older lol. i feel like i've wasted so much of my life. this fucking depression has ruined the last 10 years of my life. well really it's longer than that but the last 10 years were shite. when i think back of everything that happened between 2011-2021....i can't think of many exciting things i've done.

last week i was having panic attacks and yesterday they were back. i need to try keep pushing out these negative thoughts or else i'll just spiral and it feels like i'm gonna suffocate. i'm finding i'm a lot more irritable with people and really i can't be arsed with them. with my family i feel like i can't tell them how i feel. i mean they know i've got depression and think about killing myself but i feel like they don't take me seriously or pretend it's not real or that i'll suddenly snap out of it. it's been 15 fucking years. i remember a couple years i had a breakdown and severe panic attack where i ended up having to go see a doctor. my - was with me when i sitting there telling the doctor i can't stop drinking and that i want to kill myself but after that she doesn't even ask me how i am. any time i get angry or upset when i'm with her she shouts/snaps at me. it's as though i'm not allowed to show any emotion. just put on a fucking happy face and be happy all the time.

i know i need help but i really don't know if i can deal with all that shite again. going to doctors all the time, taking medication, sitting down and talking to people. i done all that 10 years ago and i really can't do it again. so if i don't want to get help i feel like i'm just gonna keep suffering. i obviously don't want to feel like this but at the same time i don't want to go get help. not just the depression but my drinking. i've tried countless times to stop but always fail so i know i need professional help but fuck going to appointments and telling them how i feel.

what i've been feeling is that maybe i should stop fighting the depression. like i said i can still function (go to work, eat, shower, etc) but i'm at the point i feel like giving up on everything. probably i'll still get up, get washed, go to work, but that's about it. i don't want to talk to anyone anymore at work. don't want to spend time with anymore. don't feel like eating much anymore.

i keep thinking about killing myself. have for a long time but always put off by worrying about my family. i'm at the point now i don't even care. i'm starting to think of getting shit in order. get rid of a lot of stuff myself so my - doesn't need to go through too much of my stuff. i'll make sure she gets hold of all my money so she doesn't need to worry about the cost of fucking burning me. probably just transfer it all into her bank. there's some things i deal with for her so i'll need to make sure she can learn to do that for herself. i'm working on making it easier for her by withdrawing myself from her life so that when i go hopefully it won't hurt as much. i know it'll hurt her a lot still but i'm beyond the point of caring. i know that sounds awful but i'm hurting a lot too. not that it seems to matter much to anyone. fuck how i'm feeling as long as i keep them happy, right?

ok i'm done. nothing more to say. :messenger_weary:
don’t kill yourself man, i know some days can feel awful or you feel like giving up but it’s not nice for your loved ones.

i can’t really say going to see a doctor or something will help because even i feel like it would be pointless telling them the way i feel etc, so i understand your point there.

i know how it feels because im the same (without feeling suicidal now). don’t feel like talking to anyone and feel like a lot of my life has been wasted so far and have very bad social anxiety from locking myself away and not interacting with people.
 
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LegendOfKage

Member
Mar 6, 2018
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sorry to bump the thread.

don't even know why i'm posting this but whatever even if it's just to get it out of my head. been feeling shit the last few weeks. i have these spells every now and then. wouldn't say i'm happy with my life at all but i can still get up to go to work, look after myself (shower, eat, etc), and if i force myself i can sit down to play some games, read a book, or watch TV. it feels like such a huge effort to do anything that i used to enjoy.

it was my - recently (a few weeks ago) and i think that's what's started this period of feeling like crap (or more than usual). got no friends so was just some of my family i spent it with. i was ill on my - and wanted to stay in bed but nah i felt like i was being forced to be there for their sake. they wanted to have a party, get drunk, and listen to music. a few times i put music on i wanted to listen to and they would turn it off. anyway that's not really what set me off it was just cause i was getting older lol. i feel like i've wasted so much of my life. this fucking depression has ruined the last 10 years of my life. well really it's longer than that but the last 10 years were shite. when i think back of everything that happened between 2011-2021....i can't think of many exciting things i've done.

last week i was having panic attacks and yesterday they were back. i need to try keep pushing out these negative thoughts or else i'll just spiral and it feels like i'm gonna suffocate. i'm finding i'm a lot more irritable with people and really i can't be arsed with them. with my family i feel like i can't tell them how i feel. i mean they know i've got depression and think about killing myself but i feel like they don't take me seriously or pretend it's not real or that i'll suddenly snap out of it. it's been 15 fucking years. i remember a couple years i had a breakdown and severe panic attack where i ended up having to go see a doctor. my - was with me when i sitting there telling the doctor i can't stop drinking and that i want to kill myself but after that she doesn't even ask me how i am. any time i get angry or upset when i'm with her she shouts/snaps at me. it's as though i'm not allowed to show any emotion. just put on a fucking happy face and be happy all the time.

i know i need help but i really don't know if i can deal with all that shite again. going to doctors all the time, taking medication, sitting down and talking to people. i done all that 10 years ago and i really can't do it again. so if i don't want to get help i feel like i'm just gonna keep suffering. i obviously don't want to feel like this but at the same time i don't want to go get help. not just the depression but my drinking. i've tried countless times to stop but always fail so i know i need professional help but fuck going to appointments and telling them how i feel.

what i've been feeling is that maybe i should stop fighting the depression. like i said i can still function (go to work, eat, shower, etc) but i'm at the point i feel like giving up on everything. probably i'll still get up, get washed, go to work, but that's about it. i don't want to talk to anyone anymore at work. don't want to spend time with anymore. don't feel like eating much anymore.

i keep thinking about killing myself. have for a long time but always put off by worrying about my family. i'm at the point now i don't even care. i'm starting to think of getting shit in order. get rid of a lot of stuff myself so my - doesn't need to go through too much of my stuff. i'll make sure she gets hold of all my money so she doesn't need to worry about the cost of fucking burning me. probably just transfer it all into her bank. there's some things i deal with for her so i'll need to make sure she can learn to do that for herself. i'm working on making it easier for her by withdrawing myself from her life so that when i go hopefully it won't hurt as much. i know it'll hurt her a lot still but i'm beyond the point of caring. i know that sounds awful but i'm hurting a lot too. not that it seems to matter much to anyone. fuck how i'm feeling as long as i keep them happy, right?

ok i'm done. nothing more to say. :messenger_weary:
If you're in the US, please call the national suicide hotline immediately: 1-800-273-8255. You will be talking to a trained counselor that is trained to help people in your situation find the help that they need. If you have the strength to type up everything you said above, then I believe in you that you can make that call.

After that, please talk to a professional psychiatrist. Depression generally needs to be treated properly with medication, but discussing your issues with a trained professional on top of that can also help a lot.

Lastly, doctors are like anyone else you hire for your services, and you can stop seeing them them and find someone offering better services at any time. If your doctor isn't helping you, please find someone else. It sounds like there's a good chance that you've never received proper care for an ongoing mental health condition. If that's the case, getting proper professional care would logically be much more helpful than anything you've experienced. So please don't give up on feeling better again, and please start by calling the suicide hotline.
 
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JetSetJustin

Member
Jan 14, 2021
161
182
240
sorry to bump the thread.

don't even know why i'm posting this but whatever even if it's just to get it out of my head. been feeling shit the last few weeks. i have these spells every now and then. wouldn't say i'm happy with my life at all but i can still get up to go to work, look after myself (shower, eat, etc), and if i force myself i can sit down to play some games, read a book, or watch TV. it feels like such a huge effort to do anything that i used to enjoy.

it was my - recently (a few weeks ago) and i think that's what's started this period of feeling like crap (or more than usual). got no friends so was just some of my family i spent it with. i was ill on my - and wanted to stay in bed but nah i felt like i was being forced to be there for their sake. they wanted to have a party, get drunk, and listen to music. a few times i put music on i wanted to listen to and they would turn it off. anyway that's not really what set me off it was just cause i was getting older lol. i feel like i've wasted so much of my life. this fucking depression has ruined the last 10 years of my life. well really it's longer than that but the last 10 years were shite. when i think back of everything that happened between 2011-2021....i can't think of many exciting things i've done.

last week i was having panic attacks and yesterday they were back. i need to try keep pushing out these negative thoughts or else i'll just spiral and it feels like i'm gonna suffocate. i'm finding i'm a lot more irritable with people and really i can't be arsed with them. with my family i feel like i can't tell them how i feel. i mean they know i've got depression and think about killing myself but i feel like they don't take me seriously or pretend it's not real or that i'll suddenly snap out of it. it's been 15 fucking years. i remember a couple years i had a breakdown and severe panic attack where i ended up having to go see a doctor. my - was with me when i sitting there telling the doctor i can't stop drinking and that i want to kill myself but after that she doesn't even ask me how i am. any time i get angry or upset when i'm with her she shouts/snaps at me. it's as though i'm not allowed to show any emotion. just put on a fucking happy face and be happy all the time.

i know i need help but i really don't know if i can deal with all that shite again. going to doctors all the time, taking medication, sitting down and talking to people. i done all that 10 years ago and i really can't do it again. so if i don't want to get help i feel like i'm just gonna keep suffering. i obviously don't want to feel like this but at the same time i don't want to go get help. not just the depression but my drinking. i've tried countless times to stop but always fail so i know i need professional help but fuck going to appointments and telling them how i feel.

what i've been feeling is that maybe i should stop fighting the depression. like i said i can still function (go to work, eat, shower, etc) but i'm at the point i feel like giving up on everything. probably i'll still get up, get washed, go to work, but that's about it. i don't want to talk to anyone anymore at work. don't want to spend time with anymore. don't feel like eating much anymore.

i keep thinking about killing myself. have for a long time but always put off by worrying about my family. i'm at the point now i don't even care. i'm starting to think of getting shit in order. get rid of a lot of stuff myself so my - doesn't need to go through too much of my stuff. i'll make sure she gets hold of all my money so she doesn't need to worry about the cost of fucking burning me. probably just transfer it all into her bank. there's some things i deal with for her so i'll need to make sure she can learn to do that for herself. i'm working on making it easier for her by withdrawing myself from her life so that when i go hopefully it won't hurt as much. i know it'll hurt her a lot still but i'm beyond the point of caring. i know that sounds awful but i'm hurting a lot too. not that it seems to matter much to anyone. fuck how i'm feeling as long as i keep them happy, right?

ok i'm done. nothing more to say. :messenger_weary:
If you think you are a danger to yourself go to inpatient treatment now. I have benefited greatly from it.

If not, can you get time off from work? I've done a program a few times that they refer to as either PHP or IOP. It is entirely outpatient, but depending on the severity of your symptoms you would go there between 3 - 5 days a week for 3 or 4 weeks. Basically it's all this crap you'd have to normally do, but in a rapid setting. You'll get medication the first or second day in and it will be monitored every day. Then you pretty much do hardcore therapy all day (some of it was laid back like music/art/mindfulness type therapy) At like 3 PM you get to go home. After 3 or 4 weeks they set you up with standard outpatient therapy.

Really helped me in the past.
 
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JetSetJustin

Member
Jan 14, 2021
161
182
240
Well, my first in person class in 12 years starts tomorrow for me. In my 30s and gonna be with a bunch of kids.
Anxiety is kinda off the charts at the moment.
 
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LegendOfKage

Member
Mar 6, 2018
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Well, my first in person class in 12 years starts tomorrow for me. In my 30s and gonna be with a bunch of kids.
Anxiety is kinda off the charts at the moment.
When I went back to school several years ago, it just made everything easier. Seeing that I was in a room with people often 20 years younger than me, I really didn't care about their opinion of me good or bad. It actually gave me the confidence to speak up more (especially when I didn't understand something) and to care about my grades in a way that I didn't when I was younger. I'm betting it'll be easier than you expect it to be.

And good for you, for continuing your education!
 

Kev Kev

Gold Member
Oct 25, 2012
5,591
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"i will take the time to remind you to find you, will you kindly remind me to find me?"

hope everyone is doin alright. new wookiefoot album is 42 minutes and 11 seconds of pure joy, in case youre looking for a pick me up <3

 

teezzy

Fantastik Tuna
Mar 18, 2020
9,826
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980
Yeah this is about to be a rough winter for me

Overworked. Cold. Getting dark too early. Isolating myself socially. Eating crap foods. Lonely. Having trouble seeing a point to much of anything.

Here We Go Again GIF
 
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MrFancypants

Gold Member
Dec 17, 2019
2,196
3,804
655
Not Oxford
Yeah this is about to be a rough winter for me

Overworked. Cold. Getting dark too early. Isolating myself socially. Eating crap foods. Lonely. Having trouble seeing a point to much of anything.
If it’s any consolation, you are not alone in this. This is my third Christmas without my mother, my second without my dad, and I’m now estranged from my brothers and sisters. I will be working through the Christmas holidays just so I have something to do. If at any point you need something to do, feel free to message me.
 

Xaero Gravity

NEXT LEVEL lame™
May 12, 2013
16,163
22,887
1,335
Canada Eh
If it’s any consolation, you are not alone in this. This is my third Christmas without my mother, my second without my dad, and I’m now estranged from my brothers and sisters. I will be working through the Christmas holidays just so I have something to do. If at any point you need something to do, feel free to message me.
You two should fuck. Tz is a sub
 

p_xavier

Authorized Fister
Jun 9, 2004
4,866
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Major anxiety sufferer. It's my 3rd straight day sober in like 12 years. I was getting major withdrawal symptoms and I took 200mg of L-Theanine, relaxed me in 15 minutes. It worked better for me than an Ativan. So for those with anxiety and depression, try it.
 
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RoyalLaFlame

Member
Oct 22, 2013
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There's something that is constantly bothering me: my mind is constantly flip-flopping on what I want or who I want to be. A few months back I wanted to sell my Switch so I could buy a PS4. Now I want to sell my PS4 to maybe buy a switch or an iPad or an Xbox? Other days I really want to continue going down the path of engineering (I'm a Computer Engineer), other days I really just don't want to do it anymore and become a teacher. This is super tiresome and at the end of the day my brain is fried, so I have no energy to do anything besides randomly check Youtube videos.

It's like I lack any purpose in life, I don't know who I want to be, what I want. I have no idea of how to fix this and creates a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety. And it also keeps me on limbo most of the times, I don't fully commit to anything.
 

BigBooper

Member
Feb 28, 2018
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There's something that is constantly bothering me: my mind is constantly flip-flopping on what I want or who I want to be. A few months back I wanted to sell my Switch so I could buy a PS4. Now I want to sell my PS4 to maybe buy a switch or an iPad or an Xbox? Other days I really want to continue going down the path of engineering (I'm a Computer Engineer), other days I really just don't want to do it anymore and become a teacher. This is super tiresome and at the end of the day my brain is fried, so I have no energy to do anything besides randomly check Youtube videos.

It's like I lack any purpose in life, I don't know who I want to be, what I want. I have no idea of how to fix this and creates a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety. And it also keeps me on limbo most of the times, I don't fully commit to anything.
Take it from someone who wasted a lot of time doing just what you're talking about and just pick one. If you are able to pull the work, pick two and double major in computer science and teaching.

You will never ever see a special sign or hear a booming voice telling you the best option. Just use what you know to pick a good option and stick with it.
 

RoyalLaFlame

Member
Oct 22, 2013
3,824
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Take it from someone who wasted a lot of time doing just what you're talking about and just pick one. If you are able to pull the work, pick two and double major in computer science and teaching.

You will never ever see a special sign or hear a booming voice telling you the best option. Just use what you know to pick a good option and stick with it.
The teaching gig is an offer that I got to teach at a local University here in China. It's actually a good job, but I start thinking "What if I want to go back to engineering? No one will hire me because of my gap." I'm currently working in a Medical Tech company here, but I'm getting tired of it? I dunno, so much indecision.

But yeah, I always create this image in my head of how I should be if I had that or if I did this, but in the end I end up doing nothing.

But thank you for the advice, really appreciate it.