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[Prospero]

What's the weirdest product pitch or most transparent attempt at a scam that showed up in your mailbox today? Here's mine:

Dear Beneficiary,
We are pleased to inform you of the result of the
Lottery Winners International programs held on the
14th APRIL, 2004. Your e-mail address attached to
ticket number 370982217413-7240 with serial number
4708-325 drew lucky numbers 2-34-28-13-41 which
consequently won in the 1st category, you have
therefore been approved for a lump sum pay of One
Million five hundred thousand United States Dollars
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that
you keep your winning information confidential until
your claims has been processed and your money Remitted
to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid
double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program
by some participants.
All participants were selected through a computer
ballot system drawn from over 20,000 companies and
30,000,000 individual email addresses and names from
all over the world. This promotional program takes
place every three year. This lottery was promoted and
sponsored by Ted Turner, Jesse Jackson, Ken Evoy, Bill
Gate, we hope with part of your winning you will take
part in our next year USD50 million international
lottery. To file for your claim, please contact our
financial agent MRs. ANGELA THOMPSON of the, Prime
Golden Trust Agency Email:
angelathompson@lahaonline.com
Remember, all winning must be claimed not later than
31st of AUGUST 2004,
2004. After this date all unclaimed funds will be
included in the next
stake. Please note, in order to avoid unnecessary
delays and complications, please remember to quote
your reference number and batch numbers in all
correspondence. Furthermore, should there be any
change of address do inform our agent as soon as
possible.
Congratulations once more from the members of Prime
Golden Trust Agency staff and thank you for being part
of our promotional program.
Sincerely yours,
LINDA FULLMAN (MS.)
Lottery Coordinator

 

[human5892]

There are some pretty funny ones here.

 

[3phemeral]

Received this one a few weeks ago

Date: Wed, 7 Jul 2004 10:33:08 +0100 (BST)
From: "christ john" <christ_john305@yahoo.ie> Add to Address Book
Subject: GOOD DAY//
To: ephemeralmix(at)yahoo.com


FROM SIR CHRIS JOHN(CJ).
AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING UNIT.
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT.
BANQUE CENTRALE DES ETATS
DE L'AFRIQUE DE L'OUEST,
14/16 RUE DE COMMERCE
LOME - TOGO.

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

I am SIR CHRIS JOHN(CJ), the Director in charge of
auditing and accounting
section of BANQUE CENTRALE DES ETATS DE L'AFRIQUE DE
L'OUEST LOME-TOGO in
Africa with due respect
and regards.I have decided to contact you on a
business transaction that will be very beneficial to
both of us at the end of the transaction.

During our investigation and audting in this bank, my
department came across a very huge sum of money
belonging to a deceased person who died on october
1997 in a plane crash and the fund has been dormant in

his account with this bank without any claim of the
fund in our custody either from his family or relation

before our discovery to this development.

Although personally, I kept this information secret
within myself and my partner to enable the whole plans

and idea be pofitable and successful during the time
of execution.The said amount was USD$28m (twenty eight

million united states dollars).I am glad to say that
with the introduction of internet and website,I was
opportuned and pleasured to have come across your
contact through this satellite media.All the adverts
and news media in your website is what interest me
most to contact you on this very issue.As it may
intrest you to know, . Meanwhile all the whole
arrangement to put claim over this fund as the
bonafide next of kin to the deceased, get the required

approval and transfer this money to a foriegn account
has been put in place and directives and needed
information will be relayed to you as soon as you
indicate your interest and willingness to assist us
and
also benefit your self to this great business
opportunity.

In fact I could have done this deal alone but because
of my position in this country as a civil servant, we
are not allowed to operate a foriegn account and would

eventually raise an eye brow on my side during the
time of transfer because, I work in this bank. This is

the actual reason why it will require a second party
or fellow who will forward claims as the next of kin
with affidavit of trust of Oath to this bank and also
present a foriegn account where he will need the money

to be retransfered into on his request as it may be
after due verification and clarification by
designation bank account.

I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is

100% risk free. On smooth conclusion of this
transaction, you will be entitiled to 30% of the total

sum as gratification, while 10% will be set aside to
take care of expenses that may arise during the time
of transfer both local and international like
telephone bills,e-mail bills include the documents
fees, while 60% will be for me and my partner.
Please,you have been adviced to keep top secret as we
are still in service and intend to retire from service

after we conclude this deal with you. I will be
monitoring the whole situation here in this bank until

you confirm the money in your account.And ask us to
come down to your country for subsequent sharing of
the fund according to percentages previously indicated

and further investment, either in your country or any
country you advice us to invest in.

All other necessary information will be sent to you
when I hear from you.I suggest you get back to me as
soon as possible stating your wish in this
deal.

Yours faithfully,

SIR CHRIS JOHN (CJ).

 

[robot]

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[jenov4]

From: Timothy Lunsford" <ROUVETAJXA@chello.no> View Contact Details
Subject: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Date: Fri, 06 Aug 2004 01:02:46 +0600


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While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

True Taste as seldom is the Critick's Share;
That he could hear, like a sentinel's tread,
But you who seek to give and merit Fame,

 

[calder]

Haha, those sound so incredibly unlikely. And yet they must work at least once or twice, right? I suppose there's no point in making believable-sounding email scams, because the vast majority of ppl aren't going to believe any any crap that asks for money regardless, but they should at least show a little pride in their work and spell check the thing.


I don't get spam, but I did get a funny phone scam. I was called by the automated phone company line because someone was trying to bill a third party long distance call to my number. So it asked for verification that I would accept to pay for a long distance call to some other province, and when they played the name of the caller this guy in a fake-gruff voice goes "THIS IS THE POLICE". I had a bit of a chuckle imagining the cops wanting to call Thunder Bay but not being able to afford it.

 

[EdLuva]

Welcome Caitlin,

I want to invite you to try Viaaaaaaagra for $1.50.

http://ns2.webdocc.biz/en/5/?AFF_ID=37260g

capybara brendan backwater airmail attic gunk hubbell mohr b back purr exorcism dodecahedron lingual ease commonwealth alphabetic astrophysicist dachshund liz daly deaconess indifferent glance startle royalty maverick bred whir biddable cheap aviv ami rica satellite twinkle airport .

 

[chimpychi]

here's one of mine..

From: "Zirconium T. Schoolteacher" <biffs@ricochet.net>
Subject: Read:_800 world best software - 90 % savings


>Barney Leila Daniel Clay Teresa Wayne Ignacio Melba


WAR_NING!!! You might beeing watched!
Are you surfing p--or-n sites ?? Buing something offencive or
secret from online stores?? Or maby just want to stay totaly
anonymous while surfing the net, at work or at home. -
Than we have a solution for you!!
Note - every day there are more and more divorces due
to discowered P-0R--N lovers, and more and more people gets
fired for same reason.


Protect yourself today! - Just spend few moment to take
a look at our site - and you will be able to protect your
privacy once and FOREVER!


http://Lorie.privacy-guard.biz/?Carson


>One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.
>Nothing wilts faster than laurels that have been rested upon.
...snip...
>Art is too serious to be taken seriously.
>Ambition is the last refuge of fail
ure.

 

[MrAngryFace]

Ambition is the last refuge of faiure.

haha

 

[Fifty]

I'm fascinated by these emails. They're getting weirder and weirder....Most of them offer a few drug prices, like viagra, valium, and xanax, but some just spook me out.


1.
Title: "assemble pilgrim"

Content: "barstow notebook comanche paulette chimeric phrasemake bat pursue attitude averring incommunicable wheel inveterate phosphor prosaic bane fumble infancy anathema bootstrap bilharziasis siemens lutz seismic"

2. Title: " We have Xanax & other pharmacy related drugs zealot"

content: "phylogeny anybody astronomer choirmaster electorate dote screwworm struggle replicate fleshy bonfire cygnus bludgeon interrupt had graywacke joystick burlesque freddy beware shaven confucianism flexural we glyceride diocese brow comedian bavaria exposit sanhedrin exception heap adsorption gadgetry mcallister indiscernible pounce tappa chordate emery trw administrate almaden solace bugeyed discus bedimmed derogate dingy somatic alphabetic nag contiguous nice itt dada algorithm unchristian circuitous model deborah battle jug wallow ness portray harmony apprehend din disquisition odin suspensor attune frambesia tom echidna yugoslavia austenite malfunction ember serious anthropology usia byzantine spheric dowitcher chastity auctioneer provide fungal sprig newark adenoma conservatism socket brady embalm narrow prescript hamburger particle audacious durable litmus chilblain nagging buyer campanile demerit soldier conquest handbook lithe cellular cryptography boardinghouse honk wattage conscionable erskine onrushing collapsible snip splice dabble trainmen breakage digest coefficient bad blowup thyme tidy foci pandemic aquinas decaffeinate depth miff rhenish nouveau the haddad hester bridle and fortescue vicinal compete >"




The titles called me "pilgrim" and "zealot" then they drove a hard bargain the only way they know how.......by sending me COMPLETE NONSENSE.

 

[MrAngryFace]

I think they just have spam e-mail generators now that just pop in whatever they said they're selling.

 

[Prospero]

It's the ones that have no content whatsoever except randomly generated word lists that I don't understand. I mean, presumably someone's paying money for those. Either that, or spambots have become sentient, and the creation of Spam Skynet is imminent.