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So I've been having problems with one of my friends and I'm not sure what to do

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U

Uzumaki Goku

Junior Member
I don't feel like airing this on Facebook where he may see it and I'll be keeping names anonymous. But there's this guy and I, we've been friends for 10 years now. We hung out every now and then, we always took playful disses at each other. Just how we are. We liked talking about the same things, and we've generally gotten along well. He had his girlfriend that lived in the same area as me, so sometimes we hung out whenever he was in the area and she wasn't around or sometimes I'd go to his place.

Then late last year, they broke up. Shocker I'm sure, but they remain friends and that's cool of them, totally not my business but then he just stops hanging out with me. I figure it's because he lives so far away but I assume we're still going to be going to see movies. When Batman vs. Superman was coming out, I kept asking him through texts and Facebook when the plan was to go, I don't get any words, so the next day I start going to the theaters by myself when I call another mutual friend of mine to see if he wants to go, he tells me he's already seen the movie and saw it with our mutual friend the previous night and I'm absolutely livid that he didn't tell me so the entire movie I'm sitting there in a sour mood. I posted a video on YouTube where I reviewed the movie and I let my frustrations boil over. He sees the video and realizes he fucked up. I talk to his former girlfriend about a week later and she tells me that he's going to make it right to me and I figure "Okay, cool." .....to this day, he has never apologized for it. I think he just assumed I forgave him and I was willing to, but the fact that he never personally apologized still kinda burns.

So the months go by, I occasionally try to ask him "Hey, you doing anything this weekend?" Every time, I get an answer from him that he's doing something with friends. Okay. Fine. Totally your life. We meet once to watch Sony's E3 and I kinda bring up this little issue and he says (laughingly like he always does) "Good. Let's keep it that way." and I kinda raised the issue but he just says it'll be fine. Okay, fine. Nothing to worry about.

Months go by, he never calls me to ask me to hang out anymore, not even to chill. I only see him at occasional friends gathering so I don't really raise the issue to him about not hanging out to him because it's not the time and place for it. So these past two weekends, I figured "Hey, why not have a get together at my place since I'll be stuck in the house watching my brother." Both weekends he wasn't available something about a friends giving , I go "What? Am I not invited?" He tells me it's people I don't know. Sigh. Okay fine.

So this past week, I still haven't seen Dr. Strange and I figure "Long shot, but I'll ask him." I ask him if he and everyone else is available to go see the movie. He tells me he already saw it with people the previous night and I just sigh "Ok. Fine. Worth a shot." and I start trying to make it clear to him that I'm not happy that he's not hanging out with me anymore. I start pressuring the issue to him, I ask him "When are you coming to my house again? You haven't been here in a year." He goes lol who knows. I say "Yeah, how come you just stopped coming over." Yeah sucks I guess." being kinda snide and jokey about it which is how he is, but I was trying to make it clear that I miss hanging out with him and all our friends from up in his area and I want to start hanging out with them again. But it's hard to express that because y'know, it's hard for guys to talk about their feelings. I mean, it's like it wouldn't kill you to spend one day to hang out with me, but that seems like a novel concept to you.

So just today, I go on Facebook, I look at another mutual friends Facebook and I see this Friendsgiving, and several of our mutual friends ended up going and I just felt my heart sink. It's like I'm being cut completely out of his life, like I don't exist to him anymore and that really hurts. I wouldn't have been able to go anyway, but I still felt like I was lied to. (Sigh. This is why I don't go on Facebook much. It just depresses me.) I'm loyal to my friends, all I ask is that they are loyal to me in return. I..... I don't know.... I feel like if I raise this to him, he'll just laugh it off and not take it seriously. I think he didn't realize just how much this is really starting to bother me. I... I want to tell him, I want to hang out with him again, but it's just... so hard. We've always had this pick on each other relationship but there's always been a respect there, but man..... this is so hard... I suppose it's just hard for guys to talk about their feelings. I... I want to be part of their world again because I miss them but it seems they don't miss me.

I've been thinking about having a New Year's Eve party with them, but I haven't said anything yet because I just know they're gonna say they can't come. Everytime one of them throws something, everyone is around but when I throw something, nope, I just get rejections. ......so I'm just looking for advice. What should I do?

...loneliness is truly an ugly thing to feel.
 
Y

Yado

Member
Leave him alone and try to foster a friendship with someone/people who want the same thing you do.
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
You don't have other friends?

What you're doing is very close to begging for attention and you really don't want to do that. I suggest bringing it up one more time when you see him next and then forgetting about and either focus on other friends or try making new friends through work or maybe some clubs.
 
Zoe

Zoe

Member
Miles Quaritch said:
You don't have other friends?

What you're doing is very close to begging for attention and you really don't want to do that. I suggest bringing it up one more time when you see him next and then forgetting about and either focus on other friends or try making new friends through work or maybe some clubs.
Click to expand...

Sounds like this other guy took his friends with him.
 
R

Randam

Member
Dude, just move on. It's not even like you were friends from when you were little kids.

Why is this so important to you?
 
T

The_blonde_and_blue

Member
Friendship is a two-way street. The moment one person stops giving anything, it's time to move on. There is someone out there who probably would enjoy hanging out with you and want to spend time going to the movies and stuff. I wouldn't waste time any more time on him, it's clear he doesn't want anything to do with you for whatever reason. I get that you want to save this friendship, but no amount of work you can put in would make up for his lack of effort.

Plus, you truly deserve better than that. Remember that.

Does any of this strike you as a bit needy? (honest question and I apologize if that comes across as offensive)
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
Zoe said:
Sounds like this other guy took his friends with him.
Click to expand...

I'd recommend joining a few clubs in that case. There's no need to save this friendship, he's moved on and your continued attempts to try and reconnect are likely coming off as desperate and he's losing respect for you every single time you don't get the message.

If you do reconcile, the friendship will be unbalanced because he'll know you need his friendship more than he needs yours and he'll very likely exploit that and treat you like shit.
 
S

SmugSnake

Neo Member
Not much to do when the other person clearly doesn't want to be friends with you. I know it's easier said then done but the only thing to do here is to find new friends. As others have said, join clubs to meet people etc.
 
T

TI82

Banned
Dont bother, sometimes you lose friends and that's okay because if you lose them they weren't that good of friends. Like my one friend, I was literally the first person to friend him when he moved here. He had a rough life, got married very young and his wife cut me out of his life for whatever reason. They got divorced and he wanted to hang out again, I'm like okay sure. Had fun, met some of his newer friends. But things got weird and I didn't really gel well with them which is fine. But he really didn't want to hang out after that wouldn't even chat. He's a cool guy but I quickly realized that I valued the friendship more than he did and that really hurts.

Anyways Stephen if you're reading this I hope you're doing well and that's about it.

Sorry OP, went on a tangent there. Basically people go separate ways Dont get upset just live with it is all I can say.
 
LordKasual

LordKasual

Banned
1) Can't express your feelings? Being embarrassed shouldn't be so strong an emotion that it hinders you from expressing something that bothers you enough to make a thread about it on the internet. If you can't be straight witcha boy, who else are you gonna be straight with???

2) If he has an issue with you and is outright avoiding you, it's likely that he has pressed the issue to your mutual friends, especially if "mutual" just means "his friends that became mine". They probably already know what you're pondering about, even if they pretend like they don't.


My advice? Confront him about whats going on. Best case scenario, you hash it out and mend a relationship. Worst case, he shrugs it off. If you want, test the waters by asking someone else if they know if he has an issue with you. Make it someone you're on good speaking terms with. (If you do this, you may as well ask him shortly after, because it's likely he'll find out you asked)

If he shrugs it off completely and you expressed that you were sincere, then fuck him, you don't need to be friends with someone like that. And if this web of "mutual" friends of yours are more his friends than yours, then fuck them too, no need to make it awkward.

no matter what you do, quit wasting your life waiting for him to come to you. It should be clear by now that it isn't going to happen. Confront him and get it over with.
 
J

jb1234

Member
He's moved on, man. If he wanted to be your friend, he'd be putting in more effort. It's time for you to move on as well. I'm sorry. I know how much that hurts when you care about someone more than they do for you.
 
U

Uzumaki Goku

Junior Member
Miles Quaritch said:
You don't have other friends?

What you're doing is very close to begging for attention and you really don't want to do that. I suggest bringing it up one more time when you see him next and then forgetting about and either focus on other friends or try making new friends through work or maybe some clubs.
Click to expand...

Well, I didn't have many friends growing up so I guess when I made friends I was more willing to hold onto them.
 
R

Recreat3

Member
OP do you have other friends? if so id let it go. It doesnt seem like you two were the best of mates, only hanging out once in a while. It would suck seeing that friendversary thing etc. Maybe since the guy broke up with his gf it changed him, it can definitely happen..and for some reason you were the victim so to speak. i know when i broke up with my ex i didnt want to be around anyone for a while.
 
L

Llyranor

Member
Sounds like you got downgraded to acquaintance, and he doesn't respect you. Knowing someone for 10 yrs doesn't give them free reign to disrespect you like that.
 
S

somecrazymember

Banned
you know, i did this too in the past with an ex-friend and never looked back. At some point i was just tired of the 'dissing', i told him and he continued. I would see him less and less but the dissing just continued. At some point i thought, fuck it this is not a healthy relation i'm cutting it off.

Maybe he's doing the same to you for a reason you dont know. I think it's quite clear that he doesnt really wanna hang with you anymore. If you want closure of the story, just as him why or to one of your friends, they probably know why.

Sorry m8, it sucks.. But you'll make new friends. Friendship should be natural, not something forced
 
W

Wandering Robot

Member
I'm so sorry, OP. Fact is, that's not a friend. It's probably time to let him go and move on.
Even if you were to spell it all out for him, in clear and honest terms, I'm not sure this guy would respect you enough to maintain a relationship. I sincerely hope you have other friends with whom you can spend time instead, because it sounds like this friendship is more or less over.
 
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