Support NeoGAF

[HappyBivouac]

I also assumed that Asian women may be 'cleaner' and not be affected by the stank demon. WRONG.

...

First of all, why would you assume that? Second of all, why would you ever, EVER trust a MoMo pic? Third, you're a foreign dude in China, you can just walk out the door and get yourself some if you really want (though It's usually the overly eager ones you will regret). Fourth, are you really going to make an illogical assumption about an entire race of women based on two unfortunate encounters?

Fifth, whereabouts in China? Are you still there? Just curious.

Spoiler

Sixth, you kind of come across as the exact stereotype your avatar is trying to make fun of.

 

[Featheredkitten]

Spoiler

Sixth, you kind of come across as the exact stereotype your avatar is trying to make fun of.

I was thinking that as well.

 

[thenexus6]

I was thinking that as well.

Me too ha

 

[Altered Juice]

holy shit at some of the stories on here lmao

I also assumed that Asian women may be 'cleaner' and not be affected by the stank demon. WRONG.

GENERALIZATION! WHOA WHOA WHOA YEAH!!!!!

 

[Cow Mengde]

I also assumed that Asian women may be 'cleaner' and not be affected by the stank demon. WRONG.

Where did you get that idea from? Seriously?

 

[HappyBivouac]

Asian women are pure and beautiful like lotus flowers and when they fart a strawberry scented heart-shaped vapour comes out.

I know it! I am from foreign but I've been zhongguo many times before ^_____^

 

[BlackNMild2k1]

I can deal with stinky, sweaty, hair-pulling, nail scratching kind of sex (heat of the moment, who cares), but what I can't deal with is fake as hell moaning. I was having a drunken one night stand with this one girl who kept saying "YES! OH YES! SO GOOD! YOU'RE THE BEST" and it was a constant struggle to keep my erection. I've seen better acting in porn.

In that situation you either start kissing her, or start lightly choking her.
I'm sure she'd be into either one, and both will get her to shut the fuck up.
You could also pull her hair do that her head goes all the way back, that has been effective for me when trying to calm the excited screamer.

 

[Featheredkitten]

Asian women are pure and beautiful like lotus flowers and when they fart a strawberry scented heart-shaped vapour comes out.

I know it! I am from foreign but I've been zhongguo many times before ^_____^

Man, all that comes out when I fart is stench. Sometimes the dog leaves the room. Curse my bowels.

 

[Unicorn]

3. Paid two cute girls at a beer garden in Bangkok to have a 3some with me. They were friends and seemed like fun girls in the bar. Kissing each other and grinding on me etc. As soon as I got to the hotel they became frigid and wouldn't even shower with me. When we actually got down to business they spent the entire time speaking a weird Thai dialect to each other and giggling, despite pulling out all my killer moves.

4. Soon after number 3, I went to a 3some bar and paid about $100 USD for two girls and a private porn movie style room (mirrored roof, rotating bed, porn movie muzak etc). Because I had a serious case of blue balls from my failed freelance 3some above, I climaxed in about 3 minutes and then had to stay in the room and get my 90 minutes worth. We ended up watching soccer on TV and eating peanuts.

Pubba, is this you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vC2noEIZsLk

 

[HappyBivouac]

Pubba, is this you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vC2noEIZsLk

Holy shit, this is amazing. A real life Chris Farley combined with a perfect copy of some of the people I've met in China. Plus scientology.

 

[castaction]

work party i was drunk and this girl i work with tell me if i want to come to her house to drink more etc so i say yes so were drinking at her house and start making out etc start taking her thong off and i SMELL something horrible coming out for her vagina digusting all the room smell like rotten corpse the next morning when i when home and took a piss my dick smelled awful she invited me again to her house never came back

 

[DoktorEvil]

Pubba, is this you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vC2noEIZsLk

This guy is the absolute worse kind of tourist.

Wasn't there a thread of this a-hole a month ago?

 

[HappyBivouac]

This guy is the absolute worse kind of tourist.

Wasn't there a thread of this a-hole a month ago?

I can think of worse.

This guy would be better to hang out with than someone who puts himself on a higher level than all the other foreigners. At least he's honest and out in the open.

 

[Bleepey]

This thread has really killed my sex drive.

 

[BlackNMild2k1]

This thread has really killed my sex drive.

well, lots of time, even bad sex is still better than no sex.

helps you to appreciate the good sex more.

 

[davepoobond]

well, lots of time, even bad sex is still better than no sex.

helps you to appreciate the good sex more.

I can't see it. I would rather be tortured than experience some of these stories. Heck it's practically the same thing.

 

[Arrogant Bastard]

well, lots of time, even bad sex is still better than no sex.

Nope. This thread is a perfect example of how bad sex is far worse than no sex. No shit, I've gotten nauseous from reading some of these stories.

 

[Sparkedglory]

Mine was last year with a girl who I knew from high school. All she did was lay there and take it. Seriously, she didn't do anything but just lie there. No hip action, no gyrations, no getting on top, not a damn thing. After awhile of me trying to do anything to get her to put in some effort, I just gave up, finished, and told her to leave. I've seriously had better times with my right hand.

 

[Blink Me]

Not sex but when a girl gave me a handjob once she made me bleed. I was drunk and just thought she was being rough. Also I think she sucked my cock a bit hard too.

 

[Joey Fox]

Was she by any chance small or slim in stature?

Well yes, she's about 5'2" and slim in stature, but that shouldn't be a problem for sex in my experience. I had sex with a 4'6" girl without that kind of issue.

 

[Septimius]

Nice pussy doesn't actually smell like anything at all.

I never understood this idea. I've never come across a bad smelling one, but definitely, my ideal one certainly does smell something. The smell of a pussy is exciting.

 

[rachste]

guy lasted ten seconds and would not stop trying to finger and eat me out after I told him I wasn't going to get off. really, really annoying.

 

[DoktorEvil]

guy lasted ten seconds and would not stop trying to finger and eat me out after I told him I wasn't going to get off. really, really annoying.

This thread is strangely absent of bad sex stories from women.

Rachste, what kills a woman's mood as far as bad sex goes? How can a guy f it up?

I want to hear more bad sex from women. Not every guy is the equivalent of a male pornstar.

 

[JohnDoe]

guy lasted ten seconds and would not stop trying to finger and eat me out after I told him I wasn't going to get off. really, really annoying.

what the fuck

 

[Septimius]

This thread is strangely absent of bad sex stories from women.

Rachste, what kills a woman's mood as far as bad sex goes? How can a guy f it up?

I want to hear more bad sex from women. Not every guy is the equivalent of a male pornstar.

Not reading the signs is the biggest problems. A lot of guys think their "awesome moves" should have every girl screaming with pleasure. If you don't listen to her body, even if you're the champ of pussy-eating, starting too soon will it very little pleasurable.

It's basically just being on the same page as they are. If she's super ready for it and you want to continue building it up, it can equally much kill the mood.

 

[AlteredForms]

Well yes, she's about 5'2" and slim in stature, but that shouldn't be a problem for sex in my experience. I had sex with a 4'6" girl without that kind of issue.

I can imagine them being more fragile with those dimensions. Although the true reason in my mind was that you were on a rodeo and lost control.

 

[MadJackChurchill]

Obviously first time...

In college (high school), had long term girlfriend. Finally decided to actually do it. She was INCREDIBLY thin, hurt both parties to actually get it in, she was not into any sort of variety. Plus, she kept wanting me to go down on her, but she was SO HAIRY. Like, I'm not joking, she had never trimmed or tidied herself down there. I did, so I expected her to as well. There were seriously times where both our pubic hair would get caught and pulled out of my crotch, not pleasant for a first time.

 

[Yado]

I don't think I've had a "bad" sexual experience yet but when I was younger I was getting head and my frenulum tore, I actually heard it snap. It was bleeding profusely and I was terrified I would need medical attention or have to explain how it happened to my mom. It healed after a couple days.

 

[Featheredkitten]

Not reading the signs is the biggest problems. A lot of guys think their "awesome moves" should have every girl screaming with pleasure. If you don't listen to her body, even if you're the champ of pussy-eating, starting too soon will it very little pleasurable.

It's basically just being on the same page as they are. If she's super ready for it and you want to continue building it up, it can equally much kill the mood.

pretty much this. And not enough foreplay. Five minutes of foreplay generally isn't enough. Not near enough.

 

[BigEvilTurtle]

pretty much this. And not enough foreplay. Five minutes of foreplay generally isn't enough. Not near enough.

Not enough for what exactly?

 

[Featheredkitten]

Not enough for what exactly?

................what do you think?

 

[Sniper McBlaze]

Must have been when I had anal with a girl without condom and when I took the dick out it looked like a fucking corndog.

 

[rachste]

what the fuck

I try to be honest as possible during sex. I'd much rather work on pleasing the other person than have them wasting their time trying to get me off when I know I can't.

This thread is strangely absent of bad sex stories from women.

Rachste, what kills a woman's mood as far as bad sex goes? How can a guy f it up?

I want to hear more bad sex from women. Not every guy is the equivalent of a male pornstar.

for me, it's not listening to what I have to say. if I'm telling you how to please me, or that I can't get off, just listen. I'm being honest because I don't want anyone's time to be wasted. if you have some technique that you learned from past experiences that you want to try on me, learn how to please me first and then try it out. I've always found that to be the most rewarding.

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

................what do you think?

Mario Kart. Aren't all women ready for Mario Kart after five minutes? Christ, the demands of women....

 

[Bit-Bit]

Not enough for what exactly?

Hahahaha, this is hilarious!

 

[depths20XX]

I don't think there are any hard and fast rules to how to treat a woman in bed.

Hopefully they will communicate with you and tell you what they like, and hopefully you can follow through.

Some seem to really like foreplay while others aren't as into it and want to get to the fucking pretty quickly.

Everyone's different.

 

[Featheredkitten]

Mario Kart. Aren't all women ready for Mario Kart after five minutes? Christ, the demands of women....

No, god. Fifteen minutes for mario cart, five for BF3, god how many times do I have to tell you??

 

[Septimius]

I don't think there are any hard and fast rules to how to treat a woman in bed.

Hopefully they will communicate with you and tell you what they like, and hopefully you can follow through.

Some seem to really like foreplay while others aren't as into it and want to get to the fucking pretty quickly.

Everyone's different.

Exactly, and every situation is different. If it's spontaneous, hot and heavy, the whole thing might be over in 10 minutes. Other times you might want to spend hours. So, while I'm sure guys can be better at foreplay, I'm sure most of it could be negated by focusing on making a hot situation, not just going straight for your own pleasure, which might lessen the need for a lengthy foreplay.

However, that's why I say it's about listening to her body. It is really hard to put I to words how "ready" or not you are, or what you might need or for how long. Even stopping to ask for something like that might ruin a lot of what's built up. There are so many signs that reading their bodies is both awesomely fascinating, and not hard at all to do. Just have an interest, and she'll swear you have magic fingers before long.

 

[HappyBivouac]

Exactly, and every situation is different. If it's spontaneous, hot and heavy, the whole thing might be over in 10 minutes. Other times you might want to spend hours. So, while I'm sure guys can be better at foreplay, I'm sure most of it could be negated by focusing on making a hot situation, not just going straight for your own pleasure, which might lessen the need for a lengthy foreplay.

However, that's why I say it's about listening to her body. It is really hard to put I to words how "ready" or not you are, or what you might need or for how long. Even stopping to ask for something like that might ruin a lot of what's built up. There are so many signs that reading their bodies is both awesomely fascinating, and not hard at all to do. Just have an interest, and she'll swear you have magic fingers before long.

Go on...

 

[depths20XX]

Go on...

Hint: Try putting your ear to the vagina

 

[BigEvilTurtle]

................what do you think?

I literally don't know. You could be referring to anything.

 

[HappyBivouac]

Hint: Try putting your ear to the vagina

Seriously though, I don't have trouble with sex but I don't really know why what I do works. I just do whatever feels right and it's great for everyone involved. Granted, I don't have a lot of one-night stands. Usually sex happens with someone I already have this mental bond with, so the feelings are gonna be totally different. In that case, "what feels right" usually is, because you understand each other physically and mentally. You're not even trying to notice signals or anything, but you notice and respond without realizing it.

But with a random hookup? People always give this generalized "there are so many signals and it's so easy to respond to them" bullshit. Alright, great. The internet shall henceforth know you as a god of sex or whatever. What signals are you talking about? What do you do?

 

[Reeks]

Seriously though, I don't have trouble with sex but I don't really know why what I do works. I just do whatever feels right and it's great for everyone involved. Granted, I don't have a lot of one-night stands. Usually sex happens with someone I already have this mental bond with, so the feelings are gonna be totally different. In that case, "what feels right" usually is, because you understand each other physically and mentally. You're not even trying to notice signals or anything, but you notice and respond without realizing it.

But with a random hookup? People always give this generalized "there are so many signals and it's so easy to respond to them" bullshit. Alright, great. The internet shall henceforth know you as a god of sex or whatever. What signals are you talking about? What do you do?

It's like having a conversation, you know when things aren't going right and the clues can be subtle. If you start listening to body language, looking at her expression and connecting that with what you're doing it will go well. The more you do this, the better at gauging her responses to what you're doing will be. If she starts to moan, continue doing exactly what you're doing, don't try to mix it up right away because you can lose her. Personally, I like slow gentle teasing at first- so don't go all clit crazy right away (in my case that turns me off and is painful). But when built up properly, jack hammer is fine.

 

[Featheredkitten]

I literally don't know. You could be referring to anything.

Okay...

In general it takes more than five minutes of foreplay for the woman to become properly aroused and for the vagina to properly lubricate itself, thus making sex pleasurable.

 

[HappyBivouac]

If you start listening to body language, looking at her expression and connecting that with what you're doing it will go well. The more you do this, the better at gauging her responses to what you're doing will be. If she starts to moan, continue doing exactly what you're doing

That's the obvious stuff, though. It works with a girlfriend, but with a random girl I have no idea what she's into. So I just try whatever worked with girlfriends in the past. I've never had a bad random hookup, and I certainly don't want to have them often, but I have to wonder sometimes. And like you said, the more you pay attention to your partner, the more you'll naturally be able to please him/her. This just lines up with everything I said. With a one night stand or whatever, you don't have a whole lot of time to explore each other sexually. It just all happens at once in the moment and either it's good or it's not.

Okay...

In general it takes more than five minutes of foreplay for the woman to become properly aroused and for the vagina to properly lubricate itself, thus making sex pleasurable.

I've been with girls who were pretty much already "lubricated" before they were even undressed. And this was with having sex on the regular, so it's not like she was starved. It just depends. There are so many factors that go into a woman's sex drive and preferences, and it can vary widely.

 

[The Real Abed]

My first time.

 

[Gustav]

I had a girlfriend starting to cry miserably because it all 'tickled so much'.

 

[Featheredkitten]

I've been with girls who were pretty much already "lubricated" before they were even undressed. And this was with having sex on the regular, so it's not like she was starved. It just depends. There are so many factors that go into a woman's sex drive and preferences, and it can vary widely.

Please note, I said "in general" there's outliers in every group, dude.

 

[Reeks]

That's the obvious stuff, though. It works with a girlfriend, but with a random girl I have no idea what she's into. And like you said, the more you pay attention to your partner, the more you'll naturally be able to please him/her. This just lines up with everything I said. With a one night stand or whatever, you don't have a whole lot of time to explore each other sexually. It just all happens at once in the moment and either it's good or it's not.

Gotchya. This extends to that though. I mean once you can detect signals, you get better at picking up on things quicker, even with randoms. I think kissing can be a good indication of the pace (someone already mentioned this I think)- breathy lusty kisses, take your time; sloppy intense kisses, get at it. If she's dominant, let her do her thing. If she's a little shy, tease the hell out of her. Watch her body language on the fly. Watch her face on the fly. Ask her what she likes and get status reports throughout. I don't think there's one strategy for sex in relationships and one for random hookups.

 

[Shadybiz]

My first time.

Not my first time, but my first time without a condom ranks up there (which was not too long after my actual first time). Let's just say that I was not prepared for that sensation.