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Your Worst Sex Stories and Moments

Kilau

Gold Member
Not surprised and I ain't scared.

Cheers Applause GIF
 

MastaKiiLA

Member
I live in Thailand, so I've had some wild times. The worst sex is probably a threesome I had with 2 women I'd been fucking. They weren't beauties by any stretch. One was about a 4, and the other was probably a solid 6.5. She was a hottie in her prime too. They ended up being friends, and learned that they were both fucking me, so the 4 asked if I wanted a threesome. I said hell yeah, remembering that old Ye line, "I ain't gon' lie they only fives but together they tens." It's not my first threesome, but this one had the potential to be amazeballs, given I was familiar with both of them.

The day came, and they arrived together. We get to some foreplay. I'm playing with with their pussies, and they're taking turns giving me head. I start to fuck the 6, and I'm in full pornstar mode at this point. I'm talking shit like Rocco Siffredi, and I'm going back and forth between mouth and pussy. I'm fucking the 4's pussy, but she's making way too much noise. Probably trying to draw attention away from her prettier friend. It's killing the mood, so I'm banging the 6 almost exclusively now. We're only about 40 minutes into what was supposed to be a night full of me reaming all their holes. It was going to be fucking epic. I had the cameras ready too, as the 4 liked to film.

Anyway, I was paying too much attention to the 6, and I was getting really close to nutting. The 4 starts muttering, "this is not how you do a threesome." She gets louder and louder, and then hops off the bed and goes out to the living room. I'm full tunnel vision, with one thing in mind, and her friend isn't audible about it, but I can tell she's feeling it. All of a sudden, "I WANT TO GO HOME!" She gets louder and louder, and I live in a fucking condo. It's like 9pm. I don't want to get the rep as that guy who brings the messy women home. I reluctantly stop what I'm doing, tell 6 to stay right there, and I go out to the living room. The 4 isn't even getting dressed yet, just holding her clothes in her hands and screaming. I try to console her. I put my arm around her, tell her I'll fuck only her for the next hour or whatever. I swear to god, "I'll make you cum as many times as you want baby. Just come back to bed." I really thought that was going to work. It probably should've, but she wasn't having it. Her friends comes out, and the 4 starts to get dressed. I give her some money for a cab, and start taking the 6 back to the room. Holy shit! She goes out into the hallway raising absolute hell. I quickly get her back into the room, and decide it was best to just call the whole thing off.

A fucking epic night got ruined by poor group discipline. I broke a few cardinal rules. The biggest was probably relegating the person I arranged the threesome with to second fiddle. That's a big no-no, unless they express specific interest in watching you plowing someone else. The second was probably me trying to diffuse the situation solo, instead of going out to the living room with her friend in tow. Her friend might have talked her off the ledge in a way my fake chad energy could never work. In any case, that was the worst, because it had the potential to be one of the best. I live in Krabi now, with my wife, but it's probably the thing I miss the most about living in Bangkok. I had cultivated some really fun relationships over the years I stayed there, and I had some amazing night (and days) there.
 

Peggies

Gold Member
Here's a couple

2) First time I fooled around with a girl, it turns out she was in a relationship. She immediately told her boyfriend, and I had to deal with that. That was fun. The trama (and trust issues I got from that experience caused me to not really look for any sort of relationship for 10 years)

3)First time I tried hooking up with my wife, I couldn't get hard. I was too nervous about the environment and all sorts of things. I couldn't get hard. My wife gave me this hateful look. For some reason she kept going out with me, but sex stopped being a priority real quick due to repeated issues. Last time we had sex was about a month before our marriage. It's been over 3 years since then. My wife says she doesn't see the point since she knows I'll just fail to satisfy her.

I've never had what I would call a positive sexual experience. I want to correct that, but I just don't think it's possible at this point. I'm kind of asexual these days.
Ice Cube Reaction GIF

Wait, that's not funny at all...
 

NeoIkaruGAF

Gold Member
Never paid to fuck in my life, but when i was 19, i was in cuba with my best friend and one of the guy in our hotel was an italian billionaire gay lawyer who worked with 250-500 motorcycle pilots (world famous pilots like valentino rossi etc.), Well this guy took me in high simpathy (not sure if this is the right term) and since it was my birthday (20), we went into a large square full of women and told me to chose who i wanted to fuck for my birthday and he would have paid for that.
I was half drunk so i didn't refused, i chose the most beatiful ebony skinned chick that i could find but my little brother wasn't on the mood for fucking that night, probably a mix of drunkness and awkwardness of the situation.
The lawyer still had to pay 25 pesos to the chick so at least we made her night :lollipop_grinning_sweat:
Justin Timberlake What GIF
 
Here's another tale where sex was heavily implied yet shot down in a Blaze of Glory.

Again in my 20's back around 1990 me and my buds in Montreal used to go to the Blue Dog bar. We showed up around 9 and got shitfaced 'till closing time at 3.

Not show up at 1 AM because it was "cool" to be late. Just 6 hours of drinking, debauchery, community and happiness.

Around 11 I spot a cool chick with short black hair giving me the eye at the bar.
I tell my boys I'm going on a mission.

Now back then I looked like Matt Dillon in "Rumble Fish". Today I look like Matt Dillon got slapped by the fish 20 times but I digress.

I sit down at the bar next to this minx and introduce myself. She says she's visiting from Boston. It's her last night in town.

She is gorgeous and charming. I smell & tell her perfume, "Eau de Rochas" . She is intrigued. She has grey blue eyes like Roger Daltrey had sex with a husky puppy.

We talk & drink and talk. Time passes. She's buying me drinks. We talk some more. About trivial shit and meaningful stuff. She's buying me more drinks. Boston Red Sox bla bla bla more drinks. Superman is faster than The Flash gettafuckouttahere. More drinks. Gun control oh Lord help me. MORE DRINKS.

Around 2:45 AM she wiggles her hotel keys in my face and asks me to come with her for the final night in town at her hotel.

I politely say as I'm drunk off my ass "Naahh izzz ok I'll just get back to my boyzzz".

She replies " What the hell ARE YOU GAY?!?"

I then said in a verry slurred speech while my hand was resting on a stool for balance "Lisssen Missy I have sum standards and yurrr not just there yet!"

And I stumbled back to my buds.

I had accomplished my mission to get as many free drinks from a woman to balance out the universe for all the men who bought drinks for women but never got any.

Me and the boys went and got some burgers and all was good in the world.

 

GymWolf

Gold Member
What can i say, i'm a smoker not a drinker, and in the varadero zone it was actually pretty difficult to find weed because if they get caught selling weed to tourists there was like 20 years of jail without even a trial or something like that, by day 2 of 15, everyone in the hotel, local discoteques, local beaches etc. knew that i was searching for some fucking ganja (it seems like tourists have a lot of freedom and they don't wanna scare them off, or at least it was like that 15 years ago so just asking was not risky for us), we had to take like 3-4 hours of bus to get to havana to find a damn drug dealer...

Alcohol probably does bad things to my little dinky :lollipop_squinting:

Also it was super awkward to go with a chick for money even if i was not paying her directly.
 
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Had done it with a blonde German girl. Easily the hottest girl I've ever dicked down. She would smoke any girl at every university that I went to. Problem was that I couldn't cum even after an hour so I kept banging away. Just an awkward situation but she was cool with it.
 
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GymWolf

Gold Member
Had done it with a blonde German girl. Easily the hottest girl I've ever dicked down. She would smoke any girl that at every university that I went to. Problem was that I couldn't cum even after an hour do I kept banging away. Just an awkward situation but she was cool with it.
Nice stealth brag breh.
 

Romulus

Member
I knew a fairly crazy chick that wanted to record me giving her a facial so she could send it to her ex. Supposedly the dude was hung up on her. I barely even knew the girl so I went ahead and did it. Fuck em both. I figured if it wasn't me doing it, someone else would. Poor dude though, I kinda see why he was hung up, the bitch was cute and wanted to be treated like a complete slut daily. I'm probably on the internet somewhere.
 
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The most embarrassing Hookup I had was from tinder. Some girl cat fished me and posted pics of her when she wasn’t as big as she actually was. I had driven like over an hour to meet up with her, and I was kind of pissed off she didn’t look like her picture. But I thought to myself “fuck it I drove this far I may as well give it a try.”

Big mistake; this girl had some of the worst Tits I’ve ever seen, on top her not being my type. It was so distracting I could only get to like half-chub the whole time. Then she said she had a cramp half way through, and I lost any momentum I had mustered. I ended up borrowing some of her mouthwash and getting the fuck out. I felt embarrassed and bad for ditching but man that whole experience sucked. But that was a long time ago.


Another more recent event that comes to mind is one time with the wife. She was giving me a footjob while we were watching Specter. It got to that one part where Léa Seydoux was sitting on the bed with her feet up, and between that and what my wife was doing, I blew a huge load and my wife got mad at how much of a mess it caused. Tbh it’s the only reason I remember anything from that movie.
 

Hawking Radiation

Gold Member
I won't say worst but definitely funniest and it happened with my current girlfriend.

In the first few months we boinked so much that we did it in her mums car parked on the side of the road in a residential area. Granted this took place late at night but it was still a risk. Mum didn't suspect anything going to work the next day although I didn't check if there was a dashcam installed or else we'd be in some shit :messenger_tears_of_joy::messenger_grinning_sweat:. Nowadays we just laugh at these crazy things we did

That's why I love a Honda Fit. Small on the outside but big on the inside. Ain't nobody going to suspect you're going to have yourself a screw party in the back of a car like this.




And now we own a 2009 Honda Fit, in black 😂😂😂
 
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nush

Member
Some girl cat fished me and posted pics of her when she wasn’t as big as she actually was. I had driven like over an hour to meet up with her, and I was kind of pissed off she didn’t look like her picture. But I thought to myself “fuck it I drove this far I may as well give it a try.”

I got fatfished in the same way, although she was not that terrible. I was already in her apartment by the time I found out I'd been duped, "Eh I'm already here" and it was actually the easiest way to get out of there without causing a potential scene. I fucked her on top of the big Hello Kitty plush she had on her bed. She wasnt actually a bad lay but clearly had mental health problems.
 

Mossybrew

Member
I guess I'm lucky because I don't really have a Worst Sex Story, the worst things that have happened have been situations I was clueless and missed out on, like long time ago I briefly dated a girl when I was like 20, she came over to my place from a sleepover with friends, we just kinda hung out for a while, then I walked her to her car, and before she got in I finally got the nerve to kiss her and feel her up (no bra, pajama top) and she's all "so NOW you decide to make a move?" and after I'm like fuck I was so dumb I should have gone for it in my room, who knows how far it could have gone.
 

GymWolf

Gold Member
The most embarrassing Hookup I had was from tinder. Some girl cat fished me and posted pics of her when she wasn’t as big as she actually was. I had driven like over an hour to meet up with her, and I was kind of pissed off she didn’t look like her picture. But I thought to myself “fuck it I drove this far I may as well give it a try.”

Big mistake; this girl had some of the worst Tits I’ve ever seen, on top her not being my type. It was so distracting I could only get to like half-chub the whole time. Then she said she had a cramp half way through, and I lost any momentum I had mustered. I ended up borrowing some of her mouthwash and getting the fuck out. I felt embarrassed and bad for ditching but man that whole experience sucked. But that was a long time ago.


Another more recent event that comes to mind is one time with the wife. She was giving me a footjob while we were watching Specter. It got to that one part where Léa Seydoux was sitting on the bed with her feet up, and between that and what my wife was doing, I blew a huge load and my wife got mad at how much of a mess it caused. Tbh it’s the only reason I remember anything from that movie.
Does your wife usually give you foot jobs during movies?
 

chromhound

Gold Member
The most embarrassing Hookup I had was from tinder. Some girl cat fished me and posted pics of her when she wasn’t as big as she actually was. I had driven like over an hour to meet up with her, and I was kind of pissed off she didn’t look like her picture. But I thought to myself “fuck it I drove this far I may as well give it a try.”

Big mistake; this girl had some of the worst Tits I’ve ever seen, on top her not being my type. It was so distracting I could only get to like half-chub the whole time. Then she said she had a cramp half way through, and I lost any momentum I had mustered. I ended up borrowing some of her mouthwash and getting the fuck out. I felt embarrassed and bad for ditching but man that whole experience sucked. But that was a long time ago.
Hold up... Did you eat her ???
 

Lady Jane

Member
Oh boy I can feel up this thread after my young 20's. Here's one I like to tell:

A guy I met while bartending started crying while down on me because he couldn't get it up. After I asked him to leave, I was still down bad and wanted some. After playful texting a reliable friend, I went to his place. Turns out the guy I was just with lives in the same apartment and HALLWAY as my friend. He asked me what I was doing there and I said I was hanging with a girl friend. When I walked into my friend's room, I looked at him to say bye or whatever, his face turned to distraught before I walked in. The next morning, I tell my friend what happened last night with that guy. He freaked out and asked his name. It was his fucking little brother. He told me to leave so he can check up on him. What's worst is that I was keeping in tabs with that friend because he was obviously going to choose me as his plus one to a destination wedding in Cancun. Everyone in this stunt lost.
 
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anthony2690

Member
Oh boy I can feel up this thread after my young 20's. Here's one I like to tell:

A guy I met while bartending started crying while down on me because he couldn't get it up. After I asked him to leave, I was still down bad and wanted some. After playful texting a reliable friend, I went to his place. Turns out the guy I was just with lives in the same apartment and HALLWAY as my friend. He asked me what I was doing there and I said I was hanging with a girl friend. When I walked into my friend's room, I looked at him to say bye or whatever, his face turned to distraught before I walked in. The next morning, I tell my friend what happened last night with that guy. He freaked out and asked his name. It was his fucking little brother. He told me to leave so he can check up on him. What's worst is that I was keeping in tabs with that friend because he was obviously going to choose me as his plus one to a destination wedding in Cancun. Everyone in this stunt lost.
Women are ruthless.
That poor young man is going to scarred for life.
 
I was a plus one, not the bride. My sex life has some lows, but not bang my fiance's brother lows.
I was fooling around with that statement, didn't mean anything serious by it. I assumed "plus one" meant the bride, so if he called off the wedding to Cancun due to his brother then that would really suck.
 

haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
fingerbang after eating carolina reaper hot wings (too drunk, forgot to wash hands - they were only rinsed/wiped clean).
 

GymWolf

Gold Member
Oh boy I can feel up this thread after my young 20's. Here's one I like to tell:

A guy I met while bartending started crying while down on me because he couldn't get it up. After I asked him to leave, I was still down bad and wanted some. After playful texting a reliable friend, I went to his place. Turns out the guy I was just with lives in the same apartment and HALLWAY as my friend. He asked me what I was doing there and I said I was hanging with a girl friend. When I walked into my friend's room, I looked at him to say bye or whatever, his face turned to distraught before I walked in. The next morning, I tell my friend what happened last night with that guy. He freaked out and asked his name. It was his fucking little brother. He told me to leave so he can check up on him. What's worst is that I was keeping in tabs with that friend because he was obviously going to choose me as his plus one to a destination wedding in Cancun. Everyone in this stunt lost.
I was confused before noticing that you are a woman and not a man :lollipop_grinning_sweat:
 
fingerbang after eating carolina reaper hot wings (too drunk, forgot to wash hands - they were only rinsed/wiped clean).
One time I was cutting jalapeños and didn’t wear gloves. That night I was finger blasting and the lady I was with starting saying something was burning down below. We put two and two together. She ran to the kitchen and grabbed some milk, went into the shower, and started to wash herself with it. It burned the whole night and into the morning. Lessons learned from that experience.
I'm starting to see a pattern here... Who has the third spicy fingerbanging story?
 
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haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
Oh boy I can feel up this thread after my young 20's. Here's one I like to tell:

A guy I met while bartending started crying while down on me because he couldn't get it up. After I asked him to leave, I was still down bad and wanted some. After playful texting a reliable friend, I went to his place. Turns out the guy I was just with lives in the same apartment and HALLWAY as my friend. He asked me what I was doing there and I said I was hanging with a girl friend. When I walked into my friend's room, I looked at him to say bye or whatever, his face turned to distraught before I walked in. The next morning, I tell my friend what happened last night with that guy. He freaked out and asked his name. It was his fucking little brother. He told me to leave so he can check up on him. What's worst is that I was keeping in tabs with that friend because he was obviously going to choose me as his plus one to a destination wedding in Cancun. Everyone in this stunt lost.
I've only had a problem getting an erection when the woman was disgusting.
 

mansoor1980

Member
anyone here had a problem where the girls private area had a rancid smell , like a decaying road kill on a highway?
 
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Lady Jane

Member
I've only had a problem getting an erection when the woman was disgusting.

That's a rude implication. I'm always clean and as long as a girl has toned legs+butt (being that fit comes with a good waist line) and wears crop tops, you might as well give her a crown and scepter when she walks outside. I will never understand woman who don't hit the gym on the regular. I realized this at 17 when I saw Shakira take over the world and it wasn't because of her singing.

As for that guy, maybe he went too hard watching websites that morning. Who knows.
 
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It must be a big logistic problem when it's that time of the months and you are in a movie theater around other people...
That’s why I only watch movies at home 😉

EDIT: I guess I need to clarify I settled for the Footjob instead of doing full inter course, because she was on her period.
 
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haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
That's a rude implication. I'm always clean and as long as a girl has toned legs+butt (being that fit comes with a good waist line) and wears crop tops, you might as well give her a crown and scepter when she walks outside. I will never understand woman who don't hit the gym on the regular. I realized this at 17 when I saw Shakira take over the world and it wasn't because of her singing.

As for that guy, maybe he went too hard watching websites that morning. Who knows.
Your behavior described in that post is both rude and disgusting. I wasn't making an implication, I was making a direct statement.
 

GymWolf

Gold Member
That's a rude implication. I'm always clean and as long as a girl has toned legs+butt (being that fit comes with a good waist line) and wears crop tops, you might as well give her a crown and scepter when she walks outside. I will never understand woman who don't hit the gym on the regular. I realized this at 17 when I saw Shakira take over the world and it wasn't because of her singing.

As for that guy, maybe he went too hard watching websites that morning. Who knows.
People are lazy, and the vast majority of the women i saw in gyms just chat between them or train with weights so small that it's like wasting money, they are always a goood source of laughs when i'm down :lollipop_grinning_sweat:

Maybe here in italy women don't have the serious training mindset like over there in america, in here dancing schools are what go strong (dancing still shape your body nicely)
 
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Lady Jane

Member
People are lazy, and the vast majority of the women i saw in gyms just chat between them or train with weights so small that it's like wasting money, they are always a goood source of laughs when i'm down :lollipop_grinning_sweat:

Maybe here in italy women don't have the serious training mindset like over there in america, in here dancing schools are what go strong (dancing still shape your body nicely)

Yeah women (and men) who treat the gym as their social hour will never cease to amaze me. My sex life improved tenfold after 6 solid months in the gym. What I don't understand is that it's easier than ever for women to get fit so we have less excuses than previous generations. Gyms are available everywhere and there are great Youtube videos to follow along with apps to keep to track your progress.

Also being petite improves performance in bed. More positions are available and you can do more while on top. Plus rocking out a crop top when at the mall is a confidence boost like no other.
 
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GymWolf

Gold Member
Yeah women (and men) who treat the gym as their social hour will never cease to amaze me. My sex life improved tenfold after 6 solid months in the gym. What I don't understand is that it's easier than ever for women to get fit so we have less excuses than previous generations. Gyms are available everywhere and there are great Youtube videos to follow along with apps to keep to track your progress.

Also being petite improves performance in bed. More positions are available and you can do more while on top. Plus rocking out a crop top when at the mall is a confidence boost like no other.
It is not easy if you are lazy, so we return to my main point, people are lazy.

I go to the gym (home training right now) after 8 hours of physical work where i already lift weights all day and i still train 5 days a week for 90 min each.

Not sure about being petite since i'm 190 cm for 95 kg, if anything gaining muscle kinda made me a bit more wooden (not down there unfortunately)
 

Lady Jane

Member
Not sure about being petite since i'm 190 cm for 95 kg, if anything gaining muscle kinda made me a bit more wooden (not down there unfortunately)

I was referring more to getting the girl in different spots since our legs can bend easier when we're at a healthy weight. At some point, muscles on a man might be too big though if a guy has an "athletic" tone, then leaning on a rock hard upper body while riding might be the best thing on the planet. Trust me, if you're toned then you won't get complaints for being less nimble.
 
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IntentionalPun

Ask me about my wife's perfect butthole
There's nothing quite like scraping some ancient shit out of the deep reaches of a girl's ass. You are hard as a rock, looking down at some hottie screaming as you pile drive her, thinking "yeah this chick is dirty" and then OH MY FUCKING GOD YEAH THIS CHICK IS DIRTY.

Some house clearing kinda smell.
 

12Goblins

Lil’ Gobbie
Oh boy I had a recent one

I went to a bar, and this hot Latina chick started chatting me up. We hit it off and we go to her place which is within walking distance. When we get to her place she starts snorting the cocaine line on her table and after that she starts smoking from her Crack pipe. We ended up having sex but than while I'm fucking her, a huge black guy came into the room. He was like don't worry man just watching. He just sat there watching with his dick out and wacking off to us fucking. The sex lasted about 30 mins and after that I put on my clothes and was gone. Never again. I was on my guard the whole time. I checked to see if anything was stolen and nothing was stolen

don't worry man just watching ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
 

Cyberpunkd

Gold Member
I will never understand woman who don't hit the gym on the regular.
There are a lot of things you don’t under say and as well, for example that for women if they want to lose weight they go on diet and that’s it. They don’t need gym, this comes into play if your diet is shit so you kinda balances.

Now if a guy wants to get muscles gym/weights are obligatory.
 

NeoIkaruGAF

Gold Member
What was she expecting to happen after all that rubbing and grinding?




I'm starting to see a pattern here... Who has the third spicy fingerbanging story?
Me.

An ex and I had a dinner with some spicy peppers in it.
Later that night, she went down on me.
I remember feeling this curious sensation. A tingling, some strange sensitivity. And then it was sexy time no more.
 

haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
There's nothing quite like scraping some ancient shit out of the deep reaches of a girl's ass. You are hard as a rock, looking down at some hottie screaming as you pile drive her, thinking "yeah this chick is dirty" and then OH MY FUCKING GOD YEAH THIS CHICK IS DIRTY.

Some house clearing kinda smell.
The woes of having an extra long dick. I share your pain bro.
 

haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
anyone here had a problem where the girls private had a rancid smell , like a decaying road kill on a highway?
If there was a bad smell I always discovered on closer inspection it was coming from their anuses. I’ve never been with a girl whose actual reproductive organs had a smell I didn’t like.
 
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