This is hard for me because like I've said I don't even care to use either word. Theoretically speaking if one of my black friends used it and then I used it for some ungodly reason and they corrected me or gave me a look about it I would be put off. I just don't see that it is fair to ok it for one skin tone but not another. I understand that blacks have it terrible compared to whites in America but setting up another cultural fence doesn't help that. Would all this energy be better spent electing official who actually care about blacks and the poor to help even out the playing field?
All that being said I can see how whites that use the words tend to fall into either being huge bigots or thinking they are black.
In the same breath that you say it isn't about saying what I can or can't do you say I need to never say it.
Dude....
I'm going to give you the magic word here: CONTEXT
Believe it or not, you already take thiis into account in your day to day conversations. Do you consider it strange if someone you dont know addressed you by a nickname only people in your family address you by? Do you take issue with the fact that you address seniors formally as Mr. or Ms.? Do you somehow not take context into account in your day to day life?
Now, think for a moment what the context of the n-word is:
1) From other races to blacks: Historically used as a racially charged insult; used to demean or attempt to provoke African-Americans, not a nice word, right?
2) From the mouth of a black person: Has gained a new context, to identify a common friendly bond between the people who were addressed by the insult, in a sort of "What do I care if I'm a n*****, theres nothing WRONG about being black."
So, say you're not black, and you say that word.
1) Historical context identifies you with the first situation at first glance, thus making you look like a bigot.
2) You're simply an idiot that doesn't understand basic context and history but still will go against the general D.O.N.T. rule for some reason or the other.
3) You're willfully ignorant and thus a mix of both scenarios.
The history of the word's usage and context in that usage is what dictates the standard here, There was not grand meeting of black leaders where they decided collectively that you had to be black to say the word, it's just the simple fact that if YOU say the word, people are going to assume you mean something VERY different by it.