So, have you thought about this unshakable fact? Do you actively try not to think about it? What's your way of handling your own death?
Yes. When I was 11 years old I started to have heart problems and night after night, for years, I was afraid this is my last night. I wasn't really that afraid about myself but I was horrified by the thought that my parents would find me dead the next morning. Interestingly that managed to stop me from thinking I want to kill myself. So those real heart problems helped me to stop having early childhood suicidal thoughts.
Past few years I've been thinking about death more again, and at times the thoughts have horrified me at nights. An old friend of mine told me one day his heart just stopped beating and he was dead for a while until doctors brought him back. No reason for that was found. He has to use a machine to ensure his heart keeps pumping but no reason is still known why his heart is like that. That has brought me some memories of my old heart problems and made me think a lot of how everything could just suddenly end.
While my fears have still been more about the thought of my significant other having to find me dead, I've increasingly more started to think about the exact final moment for me, if I'm wide awake at that point. That there will be a moment where I take the last breath and there's nothing that can be done about it. It's tough to think how it would feel if there's nothing after that, to not even be nothing in nothingness. To not be even that. But it's also tough to think what it will be if there's something after this. We are accustomed to this kind of life and we usually think afterlife is in one way or another a bit like what this life is. But it pretty likely will be something completely different and will be that forever. And it's really hard to think this life will have to change into something completely different forever. It will be the same for me than it has been for people who lived 10,000 years ago. There will be no current world technology and the way of life but it will be something that has always been in common with all people everywhere all the time, and I don't know what that even can be like, and it's hurting my brain to try to figure it out.
The fact still is that no day that has gone by will be back, and every single second of our lives is one second less of our lives. And that is how it has been always and for everyone. There have been countless of people who have experienced the end already, and right at this very moment there are countless of people who are experiencing it. Some experience it peacefully, some experience it by surprise, some experience it in terror and pain. I can only wish that my end won't be looking at the ground approaching me with increasing speed, or me surrounded by water and having to take that final breath that will fill my lungs with water, or anticipating what a blade that's on my throat will feel like when it starts cutting into it. But the fact is that there are countless of people who have had deaths like that and who will have deaths like that. With every single person the actual moment of death, however, might've been a wonderful feeling. Or it might've not been. I've heard people tell about a feeling of warm embrace when they've died (and obviously later brought back to life by doctors), but not everyone who have experienced that have said anything about any warm embraces, so it either means that people can forget that or then that just really doesn't happen, or at least not to everyone.
Getting to live again after death doesn't feel that odd of a thing as if I've been able to become to sense myself out of nothing, it wouldn't be too surprising if it would happen again. If the conditions for something coming out from nothing are there eternally, then there is literally eternal time for this to happen again, and likely it would happen again. The only way there wouldn't be this possibility would be if there is something that deliberately makes this existence to happen and can deliberately not make it happen. And that would then imply there could be some other form of reality to pass on to.
However, were there an afterlife or not, the thought of this life having its final moment is inevitable and terrifying. Even if there is a Paradise we might to get into, it is still terrifying to think that this form of existence will have its total and ultimate end at some point. It kinda eases my mind to think that technically we do that every single night when we enter a dream world. At nights we live lives that are not the lives we live in this world. Maybe entering beyond this life through death will be kinda like entering a dream. Often we don't even know we are dreaming, but just live that life there even if it's something that couldn't even be possible by any logic. So maybe we enter the great beyond like that. We don't remember what happened before, but we are now in another reality without even really knowing that. But still........ anticipating the last second before all either becomes blank (even less than blank, but not even blank) or before we enter the eternal dream is a thing that sometimes can make it tough to fall asleep. The upside for that is that thinking about these things can be really entertaining when you don't have to try to fall asleep.
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