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[Papa]

So I bought a cold press juicer a few weeks back and it’s pretty sweet. The Breville Big Squeeze, to be specific. Only problem is I’ve gained 5 kg (11 lbs) in just under 3 weeks. I bought it so I could slam kale and turmeric like a champ but I’ve also been slamming fruit juice. Oranges, mangoes, apples, even beets though they’re technically vegetables. I’ve been having like 3 glasses of that good shit every day but it ain’t so good for me apparently. I’m feeling great but fat!

mods halp

 

[GymWolf]

Lol from the title i was expecting something different

I sell something similar at my work place but less good looking than that, never used tho.

 

[Papa]

Lol from the title i was expecting something different

Of course you did, GymWolf

 

[triplestation]

FUNNY

VERY FUNNY

 

[Papa]

Help me or pipe down cripplestation

 

[GymWolf]

Of course you did, GymWolf

Yeah watch my photos in the apposite topic, never juiced in my life, just the usual bcaa, protein powder etc.

 

[DunDunDunpachi]

Those bulges are just the juice-blossoms trying to turn into fruit-muscles.

 

[Papa]

Those bulges are just the juice-blossoms trying to turn into fruit-muscles.

No those are my humongous testicles

 

[JimiNutz]

Fruit is full of sugar and turns you gay.
Juice up some steak and nuts instead if you insist on using your new device.

 

[Papa]

Fuck I don’t wanna turn gay. I’ll start juicing steak instead.

 

[triplestation]

maybe the weight gain is water weight

gaining actual weight from what sounds like a mostly raw fruit and veg diet is very strange, should expect the opposite

 

[Papa]

maybe the weight gain is water weight

gaining actual weight from what sounds like a mostly raw fruit and veg diet is very strange, should expect the opposite

I’m consuming other things besides juice obviously. Super Male Vitality, for example.

 

[triplestation]

I don't need no fancy machine to juice a steak

*zip*

 

[Papa]

I don't need no fancy machine to juice a steak

*zip*

But you are a machine, crip

 

[Mista]

Ever since you climbed the mountains and you returned different. If you were raped by a bear you can talk to me. I’m your brother Matty

 

[Papa]

I did the raping, sista

 

[JimiNutz]

Fuck I don’t wanna turn gay. I’ll start juicing steak instead.

Don't forget the nuts.
A key ingredient in any recipe.

 

[Papa]

Don't forget the nuts.
A key ingredient in any recipe.

 

[triplestation]

pineapple has bromelain

 

[triplestation]

you are inspiring and beautiful

 

[SatansReverence]

Juice up some steak and nuts instead if you insist on using your new device.

The cunt needs a beef, bovril and brick smoothie.

 

[DunDunDunpachi]

Maybe you could press some soy and almond milk with that contraption.

It completes the circle.

 

[Papa]

Real talk though I’m goofin off because I found out today that my wife is pregnant and I’m in a silly mood and want to spread the love. I’m gonna be Daddy Matthew soon

Spoiler

Seriously though I’ve gained 5 kg in 3 weeks due to excessive juicing. Send help.

 

[DunDunDunpachi]

 

[triplestation]

 

[Slings and Arrows]

The mushed goodness of nature has built up in to a 5Kg mega-turd.

Prepare your arsehole for

 

[DunDunDunpachi]

Just a reminder dear Papa that a religious denomination in the USA is almost entirely responsible for the modern food pyramid, while also conveniently putting grains and cereals at the foundation. Don't pay any attention to the fact that widespread consumption of cereal was advocated by this same denomination and whose members started one of the biggest cereal companies on earth.

 

[Papa]

 

[SatansReverence]

That poor child

 

[Papa]

That poor child

He/she will be loved.

Unlike you.

 

[CyberPanda]

Try to use lower glycemic fruits, and the rest of the juice should be from celery, green leafy veggies and so on.

 

[CyberPanda]

Also, congrats on the pregnancy.

 

[SatansReverence]

He/she will be loved.

Unlike you.

My fleshlight loves me, that's all that matters.

 

[Papa]

Also, congrats on the pregnancy.

Young brap is gonna have a baby brother/sister

 

[Mista]

Real talk though I’m goofin off because I found out today that my wife is pregnant and I’m in a silly mood and want to spread the love. I’m gonna be Daddy Matthew soon

Spoiler

Seriously though I’ve gained 5 kg in 3 weeks due to excessive juicing. Send help.

Brilliant news! Congratulations Matty

 

[Papa]

Brilliant news! Congratulations Matty♥

The baby or the weight gain?

 

[Musky_Cheese]

Congratulations on the sex and soon to be baby

 

[CyberPanda]

The baby or the weight gain?

Probably both?

 

[DESTROYA]

Try cutting back to maybe one juice a day and drink more water for a week and see what happens.

My condolences to your wife she has to deal with another baby.

For real congratulations on the the baby

 

[Mista]

The baby or the weight gain?

The baby

 

[*Nightwing]

It's obviously the pregnancy weight gain, juice away its good for the baby!
Congrats!

Just cut the fruit down and when juicing beets don't include fruit as well cause those are sweet enough, fruit sugars minus the fiber in it tends to be super effective in insulating the body for hibernation. Also 3 glasses a day might be a bit much if you arnt training hard needing the nutritional boost daily.

 

[Tesseract]

juicing is a bro term, don't you dare pull this stunt again or you will pay the ultimate price

(grats dude, mix more veggies in that shit --> google rogan's hulk loads)

 

[GymWolf]

maybe the weight gain is water weight

gaining actual weight from what sounds like a mostly raw fruit and veg diet is very strange, should expect the opposite

Some fruits are high in calories...try a coconut , grapes and banana diet and let's see if you don't gain weight...
When i'm in cutting the only fruit i eat are watermelon or pineapple, and a shitload of raw fennel

 

[TheContact]

FWIW it's worth you can make baby food using that juicer--healthier and cheaper than what you buy in stores.
protip with babies: only start with 1 fruit/vegetable at a time to rule out allergies, never mix until you know they're not allergic to either

 

[Richard Packer]

That poor child

Don't worry. Packer will always be there.

Congrats on the baby Matt.

 

[GymWolf]

Congrats on the pregnancy matt.

 

[Barnabot]

Great news matt. time to raise a mini bully so he/she can bully the shit out the cry babies over this world. being a parent is one of the greatest feelings one can feel in this lifetime.

 

[MaestroMike]

R the gainz fat or muscle? Drinking just the juice eliminates the fiber and you absorb the sugar at a faster rate and can leave you feeling hungry I think. Unless you combine it with a meal that still has a good amount of fiber that should slow down absorption. I still drink orange juice, but I usually drink it after scarfing down a meal or I combine it with other whole foods that still has some fiber in a blender.

...one strategy I implement is that I eat a high fiber meal and then a low fiber meal and continuously switch off. The high fiber meal will slow down the absorption of the low-fiber meal.

 

[Meowzers]

All you need to do is to start eating in a caloric deficit to lose weight. Like with me right now, I'd start losing weight by 1-2lbs a week on 2450 calories a day if I was going to the gym for 5 days a week. Try an online calculator to estimate your daily calorie requirements and go from there.

Don't start too low on calories as eventually weight loss will plateau and you'll end up starving and going back to old habits.

Stick to a sustainable eating plan that's about 60% healthy foods and 40% of foods you typically enjoy so like, for me I'll have a Mars Bar, some Pringles and ice-cream in moderate amounts daily. Some days I'll have a pizza instead to hit my calorie and macro requirements.

It's the amount of calories at the end of the day that pushes weight loss, not what foods you eat. People have lost weight on junk food diets or McDonalds diets.

EDIT: If you've gained weight then you're eating at a surplus instead of a deficit, so you need to cut back on some things for weight loss to happen. Track absolutely everything you eat and drink. Weigh out food and liquids. So many people underestimate how much they consume when first starting out.

 

[The Brooklyn Brawler]

Dont juice pizzas