No more jokes. Time to be serious.
I am Dr Phil and I will give you medical advice and explain what is wrong with your body and how to fix it.
The medical term for what you are experiencing is called Pseudocyesis.
Basically, in a herd it is very common that once one female gets pregnant, other females in the herd will develop pregnancy like symptoms AND WEIGHT GAIN to simulate that they are also pregnant.
What probably led up to this was that you have been consuming so much Shelila juice recently, leading to a severe testosterone deficiency, tricking your body into thinking you are a Sheila.
But you are not a Sheila, you are a Boss.
The path to recover and healing here should be fairly simple but you need a diet change to consume juice more suitable to a Boss.
Try swapping all these fruits and veggies to these ingredients instead and see how it goes:
* 1 cup whiskey
* 200-300g of red meat
* 1 or 2 red onions (very important, this is where you will get most of the testosterone back)
You should be all good and back at being a proper Boss in only a couple of weeks.
That was all for now. I am Dr Phil and this was my medical advice.
EDIT: probably also worth trying to get the mental side on track too. I would suggest watching at least an hour of lesbian action on pornhub every night. Remember, if you do it for medical reasons you can claim the pornhub subscription fee back on your tax return!