Fools idol
Banned
I have wanted to post this thread for some time but I hesitated because I know how it may come off as woe-is-me when I know so many people are in far worse situations than me and it's not even funny to say first world problems. But at this point, I'm grasping straws with not much hope of feeling better.
I don't want to divulge too many personal informations, and english isn't my first language so please bare with me. I will TLDR as much as possible and at the end if you just wanna skip.
I grew up in a very tough situation - parents broke up young, bad finances, often with little or no food, severe alcoholism, eventually I was homeless for a little while at 19 until my grandfather discovered my situation and let me stay with him to get back on my feet.
It left me with a lot of anxiety and mental health problems which for the most part I overcame, and used as a sort of 'power' to drive myself to start my own business. Fast forward I now have a family of my own, which is fantastic, and we are completely financially independent as I sold off my businesses. The problem I have now is, I spent the last 15 years of my life working 12+ hour days on my business, and now I have next to nothing to fill that void.
The next issue is that I did not have time for socialising along the way, lost and burned many friend bridges, and the friends I did have through it all have now distanced into their own lives, and some even resent my financial situation because they are still working and struggling. I offered to help a friend pay off his mortgage so he can look after his kids and he stopped talking to me because he thinks I was just charity casing and trying to belittle him. Obviously this is not the case, but I understand. I think that I am a good person, have always tried to help others, and have always donated to charity and things like that through my career.. I find it very hard to trust people, which I think comes from being homeless for a time you realise that even those closest to you can betray your trust at any time, it's real hard to make new friends for me.
Right now I spend most of my days taking my kid to school and then tidying the house over and over, playing some videogames, and driving my cars down the same old roads. It's becoming to the point where I am losing track of the day of the week. I have plenty of money to do things, but no desire to do anything, if that makes sense. And to add, the anxiety of shit like the pandemic and climate change there is a lingering existential dread feeling that I am wasting my life and that my daughter deserves better - she is old enough now to see that dad is not happy and it's effecting her a lot. It's almost like the 'drive' I had for so long has just completely fizzled out and I don't know how to invigorate it again, despite many therapists trying to help me 'find my cause' and all that cliche stuffs. I did some research online and this is more common than I thought, amongst people who become financially independent and then end up killing themselves. I do not feel suicidal at the moment but I have in the past and I worry to think of my kid should those feelings come back. I need to fix this, and the medical system so far has not helped me very much. The drugs make things better temporarily, but I feel like I am just waiting until they stop working too. I stopped going to my therapist becuase I could feel she was just thinking 'what the fuck is this rich assholes problem'...
GAF, what do you suggest ? How do I recharge my drive to do something with my life again and be motivated?
TLDR -- I got comfortable in my life, perhaps too comfortable, and lost all my friends because of it, and spend most of my days alone and depressed. Cant seem to find enjoyment in shit. Meds are not helping despite trying a few different ones, feel too guilty about my situation to seek further (already heavily strained medical system) help.
I don't want to divulge too many personal informations, and english isn't my first language so please bare with me. I will TLDR as much as possible and at the end if you just wanna skip.
I grew up in a very tough situation - parents broke up young, bad finances, often with little or no food, severe alcoholism, eventually I was homeless for a little while at 19 until my grandfather discovered my situation and let me stay with him to get back on my feet.
It left me with a lot of anxiety and mental health problems which for the most part I overcame, and used as a sort of 'power' to drive myself to start my own business. Fast forward I now have a family of my own, which is fantastic, and we are completely financially independent as I sold off my businesses. The problem I have now is, I spent the last 15 years of my life working 12+ hour days on my business, and now I have next to nothing to fill that void.
The next issue is that I did not have time for socialising along the way, lost and burned many friend bridges, and the friends I did have through it all have now distanced into their own lives, and some even resent my financial situation because they are still working and struggling. I offered to help a friend pay off his mortgage so he can look after his kids and he stopped talking to me because he thinks I was just charity casing and trying to belittle him. Obviously this is not the case, but I understand. I think that I am a good person, have always tried to help others, and have always donated to charity and things like that through my career.. I find it very hard to trust people, which I think comes from being homeless for a time you realise that even those closest to you can betray your trust at any time, it's real hard to make new friends for me.
Right now I spend most of my days taking my kid to school and then tidying the house over and over, playing some videogames, and driving my cars down the same old roads. It's becoming to the point where I am losing track of the day of the week. I have plenty of money to do things, but no desire to do anything, if that makes sense. And to add, the anxiety of shit like the pandemic and climate change there is a lingering existential dread feeling that I am wasting my life and that my daughter deserves better - she is old enough now to see that dad is not happy and it's effecting her a lot. It's almost like the 'drive' I had for so long has just completely fizzled out and I don't know how to invigorate it again, despite many therapists trying to help me 'find my cause' and all that cliche stuffs. I did some research online and this is more common than I thought, amongst people who become financially independent and then end up killing themselves. I do not feel suicidal at the moment but I have in the past and I worry to think of my kid should those feelings come back. I need to fix this, and the medical system so far has not helped me very much. The drugs make things better temporarily, but I feel like I am just waiting until they stop working too. I stopped going to my therapist becuase I could feel she was just thinking 'what the fuck is this rich assholes problem'...
GAF, what do you suggest ? How do I recharge my drive to do something with my life again and be motivated?
TLDR -- I got comfortable in my life, perhaps too comfortable, and lost all my friends because of it, and spend most of my days alone and depressed. Cant seem to find enjoyment in shit. Meds are not helping despite trying a few different ones, feel too guilty about my situation to seek further (already heavily strained medical system) help.
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