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[Dalek]

This Column Is Gluten-Free

LONDON — I was in Venice a few weeks ago and friends reported seeing a restaurant menu with the following important message emblazoned it: “We do NOT serve gluten-free food.”

It was easy to imagine an exasperated Italian proprietor, driven to frenzy by repeated requests from Americans for gluten-free pasta, finally deciding to cut short such exchanges with this blunt pre-emptive blow.

Rough translation: My way or the highway. If you don’t like my pasta the way la Mamma has always made it, try someplace else.

Gluten is the main protein component of wheat, rye and barley. Wheat was first cultivated about 12,000 years ago and it’s safe to say gluten has never had as hard a time as in recent years. The hunter-gatherer turned cultivator would be appalled at what he has wrought. Free associate from the word “gluten” these days and you’ll probably come up with poison.

There has been a huge and mysterious rise in celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder that results in damage to the small intestine when gluten is ingested. According to the Mayo Clinic web site, four times as many people suffer from celiac disease as 60 years ago, and roughly one in 100 people are now affected. Why is unclear. Perhaps it’s the way gluten products are prepared today, or even, some have suggested, the result of a bored immune system looking for new targets.

But of course the gluten-free trend is not just about multiplying celiac sufferers. People decide gluten must be bad for them because they see shelves full of gluten-free food at supermarkets. Forms of food intolerance, whether to wheat or dairy products or something else, have reached near epidemic levels among the global middle class.

Special dietary needs are all the rage. Allergies, real or imagined, multiply. One in five Britons now claim some form of intolerance, yet a 2010 Portsmouth University study found the claims were often unfounded. The narcissism of minor differences finds expression in the food-intolerance explosion: Having a special dietary requirement is one way to feel special in the prevailing “me” culture.

More recently, another friend told me of her sister’s experience with a large house party in Scotland last summer. When the sister inquired about any special dietary needs, many requests came in, particularly from the younger crowd. Hardly anyone aged between 18 and 25 was up for eating anything. One young woman wrote: “I can’t eat shellfish but I do eat lobster.”

Right.

If people over 80 will eat anything, yet people under 25 are riddled with allergies, something unhealthy is going on — and it’s going on most conspicuously in the most aggressive, competitive, unequal, individualistic, anxiety-ridden and narcissistic societies, where enlightenment about food has been offset by the sort of compulsive anxiety about it that can give rise to imagined intolerances and allergies.

 

[Yaboosh]

I am allergic to cilantro and how dare you say otherwise. It tastes so bad. I could die.

 

[Haly]

This post now made with 100% less aspartame.

 

[tbm24]

Well, while I do feel for the disgruntled Italian restaurant owner, my wife definitely has a lot more choices than she did in 2010.

 

[Shao Kahn Brewing a Stew]

This post now made with 100% less aspartame.

This quote is now halal.

 

[Monocle]

I am allergic to cilantro and how dare you say otherwise. It tastes so bad. I could die.

That's crazy talk, cilantro is amazing.

 

[Dennis]

This quote is now halal.

I only eat foods that are absolutely haram.

 

[blame space]

only my eating habits are acceptable!! everything else is WRONG and BAD.

 

[Dictator93]

That's crazy talk, cilantro is amazing.

I heard somewhere some people have some genetic disposition against it that makes it taste like soap to them. Poor bastards. It is delicious.

only my eating habits are acceptable!! everything else is WRONG and BAD.

IT is a restaurant baby, they do not have to cater to any cuisine accept the one they want to.
la mama mia

 

[MiniBossBattle]

I want a Kosher option in threads.

I never understood the Gluten thing.

 

[Septimus Prime]

Oh, good. Now I can read this column.

Just kidding. I'm American. I don't read.

 

[ThoseDeafMutes]

I'm allergic to acid foods and thus only eat alkaline. It's just basic logic guys. The fitness guy on the cruise I was just on told me that alkaline is good for you. I've been sprinkling duracel batteries over my cereal ever since and only experience major medical problems once thus far. Looking good.

 

[lastplayed]

Fine by me, more gluten for the rest of us with superior insides.

 

[blame space]

IT is a restaurant baby, they do not have to cater to any cuisine accept the one they want to.
la mama mia

Oh completely. Don't get me wrong.

 

[super-famicom]

I put salt, pepper, and MSG on my sunny side up eggs yesterday. It was fucking delicious. I should add more gluten next time.

 

[SFenton]

I like the Italian guy. Can't afford/don't want to make gluten free food? Just say "sorry, we don't do it". Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Damaniel]

I am allergic to cilantro and how dare you say otherwise. It tastes so bad. I could die.

Nothing ruins food - any food - more than having cilantro in it. I had an awesome burrito from a food cart yesterday but forgot to ask them to hold the cilantro. That burrito would have been far more awesome if I had.

Anyway, I chalk up the gluten free craze to 1% actual celiac sufferers, 99% people jumping on the latest diet fad. It doesn't hurt that gluten-free is a lucrative market - the 'specialty' food stores around me that sold low-carb food 5-10 years ago have all switched to selling gluten-free food instead, and even my local grocery stores love selling the high margin products, the aisles of which reinforce the belief among buyers that 'gluten=bad'.

Almost everyone eating gluten-free has no real need, though at least the craze has made eating far easier for those relatively few people who have legitimate problems.

 

[Reverend Funk]

Does gluten have anything to do with glutes or am I way off base?

 

[John Kowalski]

I could never imagine a live without bread or pasta.

 

[blame space]

You wouldn't have to, they're just stiffer and ricier respectively.

Oh and three times as expensive.

 

[Stet]

Italian restaurant owner was the wrong example to use. Italy is one of the most gluten-free friendly countries on earth, in part because they test every child for celiac disease.

Though Venice was a good example as food in Venice is largely tourist shit.

 

[8 X 11 Printer Paper]

I'm allergic to acid foods and thus only eat alkaline. It's just basic logic guys. The fitness guy on the cruise I was just on told me that alkaline is good for you. I've been sprinkling duracel batteries over my cereal ever since and only experience major medical problems once thus far. Looking good.

That one medical issue was due to you not in-taking enough alkaline. I'm sure if you sprinkle some more over your cereal, you will never have a medical issue again!

 

[Vilam]

I'd be more likely to eat at a restaurant that advertised themselves as having no gluten free, or no vegetarian options.

 

[Plinko]

I have no problem with people having Celiac disease.

"Gluten intolerance," though, doesn't exist. People need to stop with that.

 

[way more]

That final line.

something unhealthy is going on — and it’s going on most conspicuously in the most aggressive, competitive, unequal, individualistic, anxiety-ridden and narcissistic societies, where enlightenment about food has been offset by the sort of compulsive anxiety about it that can give rise to imagined intolerances and allergies.

God damn that's pure liquid fire. Get fucked Millennials!

 

[Dan]

At one of my old jobs there was a guy who would loudly throw a fit over whether or not catered meals, birthday cakes, etc were gluten-free. Then he'd promptly drink regular ol' beer.

*rolls eyes*

 

[Hypron]

I'd be more likely to eat at a restaurant that advertised themselves as having no gluten free, or no vegetarian options.

But... Why?

 

[blame space]

You know why.

 

[soul creator]

I saw a gluten-free body wash at the grocery store yesterday. Can gluten be absorbed through the skin or something?

 

[zbarron]

I'm allergic to acid foods and thus only eat alkaline. It's just basic logic guys. The fitness guy on the cruise I was just on told me that alkaline is good for you. I've been sprinkling duracel batteries over my cereal ever since and only experience major medical problems once thus far. Looking good.

Slighhtly off topic but I've wondered besides dairy what foods are actually basic. Most foods I think of seem acidic or neutral. Googling it gets me results like this.

I'm not sure of it's accuracy but it's useful to know that both overwork and lack of sleep have a pH of 3.0

As for the article he really reads into that one sentence. I could just as easily imagine the chef, unable to make a gluten free pasta to his standards, not wanting to compromise on quality. It does save time informing people in advance that if they have a specific allergy they'd be better served elsewhere.

 

[Funky Papa]

I'm allergic to acid foods and thus only eat alkaline. It's just basic logic guys.

I C U

 

[-Pyromaniac-]

Any time I hear someone mention gluten, aspertame, or MSG, my eyes roll to the back of my head.

 

[John Kowalski]

You wouldn't have to, they're just stiffer and ricier respectively.

Oh and three times as expensive.

Sounds as equally limiting as wholly abandoning them...

 

[Jazzy Network]

Is the standard 30 dollar Italian meal gluten free?

 

[Haly]

Consume Sparingly or Never:

Chocolate
Lamb
Coffee
Cranberries
Wine
Cheese
Pastries
Stress

Why bother living at this point?

 

[Stet]

I saw a gluten-free body wash at the grocery store yesterday. Can gluten be absorbed through the skin or something?

No, but if it had the potential to mess me up for a few days I wouldn't want to take the chances of getting it in my mouth.

 

[Lambtron]

I'd be more likely to eat at a restaurant that advertised themselves as having no gluten free, or no vegetarian options.

Why? How in the hell does it affect you at all?

My wife is vegetarian. Basically our closest friend has Celiac. Finding places to eat out for them is often pretty difficult and full of very few choices. I'm not vegetarian or Celiac. I can always find shit to eat.

 

[super-famicom]

Why bother living at this point?

I drink a cup of coffee every day. Guess I'm already dead.

 

[kirblar]

Nothing ruins food - any food - more than having cilantro in it. I had an awesome burrito from a food cart yesterday but forgot to ask them to hold the cilantro. That burrito would have been far more awesome if I had.

Anyway, I chalk up the gluten free craze to 1% actual celiac sufferers, 99% people jumping on the latest diet fad. It doesn't hurt that gluten-free is a lucrative market - the 'specialty' food stores around me that sold low-carb food 5-10 years ago have all switched to selling gluten-free food instead, and even my local grocery stores love selling the high margin products, the aisles of which reinforce the belief among buyers that 'gluten=bad'.

Almost everyone eating gluten-free has no real need, though at least the craze has made eating far easier for those relatively few people who have legitimate problems.

I'm one of those who got "splash help" from it- whatever they add as part of the enrichment process for wheat/rice causes an allergic reaction in me. (Chipotle white rice burns, brown rice does not.)

 

[Haly]

I drink a cup of coffee every day. Guess I'm already dead.

It's dumb because there's always articles like "coffee/wine/blueberries linked with longevity".

Okay nutrition science, OKAY.

 

[Black Mamba]

I'm sick of the 'gluten-free" mentions on things that don't need such a mention.

"gluten-free apple." Fuck you.

 

[blame space]

Oh nooooooooo words on packaging for things I'm going to consume.

 

[TheOctodad]

I have a love and a hate for this weird anti-gluten, allergy ridden culture.

On one hand I appreciate it. My wife is deathly allergic to milk, eggs, and nuts. I'm not talking an "upset stomach" I'm talking full on anaphylactic shock and death. Some places are far more accommodating than they used to be and we have a handful of restaurants that we really enjoy that sprung up because of these movements.

That said I also hate it. Many people don't take my wife's allergies seriously because of how diluted and absurd "allergies" have become. People just say "I'm allergic" or "I'm intolerant" when they really just mean, "I don't like it." This leads to people not being able to filter the serious situations with the trivial. Why is my wife reacting to the entree when "5 other people who said they couldn't have dairy were fine."? Because they were full of shit and a small amount of dairy in one of the sauces isn't noticeable to them, but can make my wife have trouble breathing.

 

[Funky Papa]

Slighhtly off topic but I've wondered besides dairy what foods are actually basic. Most foods I think of seem acidic or neutral. Googling it gets me results like this.

I'm not sure of it's accuracy but it's useful to know that both overwork and lack of sleep have a pH of 3.0

As for the article he really reads into that one sentence. I could just as easily imagine the chef, unable to make a gluten free pasta to his standards, not wanting to compromise on quality. It does save time informing people in advance that if they have a specific allergy they'd be better served elsewhere.

That chart is fucking BATSHIT, just like the sheer imbecility of the alkaline diet.

Actual science and stuff: pH Values of Common Foods and Ingredients, FDA's pH Values of Various Foods.

 

[Stet]

0.6% of people have a peanut allergy and between 0.5% and 1% of people have celiac.

Nobody complains about peanut-free labels, but people don't want gluten-free labels.

¯\_(&#12484_/¯

 

[dimb]

Even if people take a misunderstood stance on gluten intake it's better for people to have some kind of active interest in what goes into their body. In many situations gluten free options are healthier than the alternative. This article is basically preaching for complete dietary ignorance, so I'm not surprised it was written by some balding baby boomer.

 

[Stet]

Even if people take a misunderstood stance on gluten intake it's better for people to have some kind of active interest in what goes into their body. In many situations gluten free options are healthier than the alternative. This article is basically preaching for complete dietary ignorance, so I'm not surprised it was written by some balding baby boomer.

Nah this ain't true. In most situations, gluten-free products have loads of sugar in them.

 

[theepicoftyler]

I'm not sure of it's accuracy but it's useful to know that both overwork and lack of sleep have a pH of 3.0

As for the article he really reads into that one sentence. I could just as easily imagine the chef, unable to make a gluten free pasta to his standards, not wanting to compromise on quality. It does save time informing people in advance that if they have a specific allergy they'd be better served elsewhere.

You're going to need to explain exactly what the hell you're talking about here because it betrays a entirely fundamental misunderstanding of what goes into pH.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

Why bother living at this point?

Where'd you get this from?


Oh nvm.

Alkaline diets are dumb.

 

[Gareth Bale]

Stress, worry, lack of sleep, and overwork

pH 3