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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond

Seems fine. She cancelled but rescheduled. Next time you see her in person, tell her how you feel and where you want things to go.

Maybe you're right. I'm usually a good judge of character and I just feel funny about this, as in I don't think I will get the chance face to face to do what you say. She comes across as the type that if I do what you say to her face it will come on strong, think she might be abit awkward with stuff like that, over the phone might be best lol.
 

Scotch

Member
Seems fine. She cancelled but rescheduled. Next time you see her in person, tell her how you feel and where you want things to go.
She didn't reschedule, though. "Maybe next week sometime" is vague as hell. That doesn't seem fine at all. Especially when she doesn't text as much anymore.

I think you have reason to be worried, Hamburglar, and I'd start looking for new girls to date.
 

Jhoan

Member
Date ended since girl had to go a yoga class with her friend. She was pretty bubbly in a California kind of way because she's originally from there. I think there was a point where she got mad that I cut her off conversationally. Other than that and a pigeon that pooped on our table at the place we met up at, it was good and pretty relaxing. She told me that she's babysitting a few kids near the slide she took the picture at. Didn't end up going down it since it was wet.

I'll follow up some time tonight if in a few days and ask her out again on a whim. Although I'm not going to get my hopes up that it's going to lead to something since I talked a whole lot this time around (from being excited). It reminded me of my date with med school girl so if she says that she wasn't feeling it, then I wouldn't mind being friends with her in all honesty since I got more of that vibe from her. It felt like I was hanging out with a friend.
 

Jhoan

Member
Keep it up bro
Hopefully it leads somewhere. I haven't heard back from Tuesday's girl yet so I'm going to assume it's an L or chalk it up to her being super busy today. Either way, I'll play it cool. Messaged a few other girls on OKC that I got a match last Friday and replied to a few others. Need to keep the shotgun approach going.

I'm still waiting for that pic by the way! ;)
 

War Peaceman

You're a big guy.
This is the other way around, though. It's your job, not a social club. And you're in charge, supposed to be setting an example.

I'm with you (the avatar change is weirding me out), you should aspire to better behaviour. Working in a customer service environment, I'd never dare ask someone out. It just isn't professional. But that's just me.
 

Jawmuncher

Member
Nothing wrong with that. Better professional and personal opportunities await in a city. Cities are awesome. Rural areas trend to have less of a single dating scene, because people tend to get married earlier due to that lack of choice.
That does seem to be the case. While it's not something I can do right away, it is something I am thinking about.

So tried tinder for the first time last night, and woke up to find I had a match and a message while I was sleeping, but both the message and match were gone. Just flakiness or is there something I'm missing here?
As someone who started awhile back, depending on your area don't be surprised to get a lot of bots. They've gotten to the point where they just copy and paste other profiles im assuming. Only real indicator of a bot I have noticed is when they post a instagram ID and don't actual have theirs linked to their profile. If you are showing of your instagram ID you're gonna connect it to your profile and show off your other pics.

Tinder is rolling out a new group dating
orgy
feature.

You talking about the going out social thing I have been seeing lately?
Still don't understand how that works, and why they show me groups from 2000 miles away. Yeah i'm totally gonna drive to that.
 

Noema

Member
I don't completely understand this new feature but I'm getting a lot of mixed m/f groups and that's totally not what I want. I'm not on Tinder to meet dudes.

I think that many dudes are not getting the feature and are pairing up with their hot Facebook friends thinking they are hooking up with them instead up grouping up to meet potential partners.
 

Zelias

Banned
As someone who started awhile back, depending on your area don't be surprised to get a lot of bots. They've gotten to the point where they just copy and paste other profiles im assuming. Only real indicator of a bot I have noticed is when they post a instagram ID and don't actual have theirs linked to their profile. If you are showing of your instagram ID you're gonna connect it to your profile and show off your other pics.
Funny you mention that. One of my matches had an instagram ID in their profile. Sure enough, I get a message and it's the 'heyyy I'm new in town' bot message.

Three matches so far and they've all been bots lol.
 
Yesterday I deleted all my matches, swiped a bit and 24 hours later I got 7 new matches. The matches had slowed down quite a bit after the first month (always happens), so it was a bit surprising but also kinda strange it happened after the deletion thing. Hard to call it a coincidence. Would really like to know how the Tinder algorithm works.
 

Atrophis

Member
Interesting. Still only had two but this second match is thirsty lol. Wanted me to add her on whatsapp after barely any messages. We ended up doing so at 1am and she was asking for selfies straight away. Next morning (today) she is asking if she can call me (she had time to kill before work)? She's Latvian, maybe thats how they roll.
 
Interesting. Still only had two but this second match is thirsty lol. Wanted me to add her on whatsapp after barely any messages. We ended up doing so at 1am and she was asking for selfies straight away. Next morning (today) she is asking if she can call me (she had time to kill before work)? She's Latvian, maybe thats how they roll.

Cherish your kidneys.
 

Jhoan

Member
Cross-post from the Dating-Age thread:

Jhoan said:
So latest updates from my end. Asian girl that I went out with on Monday got back to me today and let me down by stating that she's getting back with her ex which I kind of feel like it's a nice way of letting me down since people can lie through texts so that's that.

Today's date went all right. Not good, not bad, but okay. It took me half an hour to find the girl at the park which got me annoyed. Other than that, it went solid even though I didn't touch her at all. She was as chatty as she was via texts. I was getting kind of bored to be honest but she was cool otherwise so I'll probably ask her out again and give her a fair shake. She hinted at me that she wouldn't be willing to come up to my way so that's food for thought on something long term.

Another girl I've been speaking to on OKC already asked me out 3 exchanges in for this weekend. I plan on responding and giving her my number soon so it looks like I'm going to have 5 dates back to back week breaking my personal record of 3 dates in one week.

Been speaking to yet another one who lives with family like me and is my age so I can see something being set up for next week at the rate it's going.

Have a date tomorrow with another girl from Tinder so we'll see how that goes. I have no plans aside from meeting up at a Starbucks and winging it.

Lastly, the girl I met up with yesterday got back to me and hit me with a loaded bunch of texts. The gist of it is that she thinks I'm an attractive and smart guy but she's looking for something long term and wouldn't see it working out on account of us living in different boroughs or about 1.5 hours away by subway give or take. She also also said that would be friends with me but finds me too attractive. I've never been in such a situation before. My brother thinks I shouldn't respond and move on but I'm willing to give it a fair chance and see where it goes. If anything, I'm willing to leave the ball in her court. Advice?

Note that I haven't responded to the above girl yet as I'm still considering other opinions before I make a decision.
 

Atrophis

Member
My advice is long distance sucks balls. Been there (three fucking times) and done that.

Funnily enough I've been chatting to someone, who lives over an hour away, non-stop for about a week but I knew going in it wouldn't be anything more than a friends with benefits deal so I was ok with it. She also has kids and I am childfree so a full relationship was never going to happen. Should be able to have a lot of fun with her though and we get on crazy well.
 

gwailo

Banned
It's not really long distance though. It's different areas of a city with one of the best public transportation systems in the world. Sounds like a cop-out excuse by the girl. Due to the volume of men they have available, a lot of women on dating sites have a checklist that will be pretty much impossible for anyone to actually meet. They're holding out for that perfect Prince Charming and of course when they don't find it, they will bemoan how online dating/men in general suck, when it's more their overinflated standards that are the fault.
 

GK86

Homeland Security Fail
^I don't believe that is strictly a woman thing. Men are waiting for their princess too. And have a checklist themselves.
 

Jhoan

Member
People make up really dumb excuses not to pursue a potential relationship in the city. Been there, done that. I wished the girl the best and deleted her number/texts. Good thing I don't have an ideal Ms. Perfect Princess in my mind.

Two doors closed and another a few others opened this week but I keep on trucking. Going into next month, I'm going to gradually begin to cut back on dating while I focus on looking for gigs, networking, make a few investments, take some new artistic projects, and save money. It's been fun to say the least and it is addicting. I'm hoping to end my dry spell soon but I'll keep my expectations in check. I haven't followed up with yesterday's girl yet but will do so by tonight if not tomorrow.

My next date on deck is pre-gaming for happy hour drinks and free movie under the stars, Kung Fu Panda 3 weather permitting that's in about two hours with Tinder date 2, dietician girl. That 5th date for tomorrow is looking very likely to happen since the girl pitched plans for the evening but I'm worried about it raining all weekend long.
 

Lulubop

Member
I was with someone for 6 years who lived in Jamaica Queens, and I all the way in lower Manhattan. We made it work, though it did help that she was often in Manhattan and it was a different time/mindset for me.

On the other hand, within in the last year I had to stop talking to 3 different girls who lived off the same stop in Washington Heights. Almost entirely because, fuck that A/C train.
 

bluethree

Member
wtf that's actually a thing in new york? in tokyo it doesn't seem to matter one bit and i've never heard a girl say something like that. I haven't been in a relationship with a girl who lives far, but I've had several girls come from Tokyo suburbs to meet me (and I myself live in the outer edges of the city).
 
wtf that's actually a thing in new york? in tokyo it doesn't seem to matter one bit and i've never heard a girl say something like that. I haven't been in a relationship with a girl who lives far, but I've had several girls come from Tokyo suburbs to meet me (and I myself live in the outer edges of the city).

I met a girl from Chiba while I as there and it was a huge pain in the ass to meet. I try to keep my dating within a reasonable radius.
 

Jawmuncher

Member
Yesterday I deleted all my matches, swiped a bit and 24 hours later I got 7 new matches. The matches had slowed down quite a bit after the first month (always happens), so it was a bit surprising but also kinda strange it happened after the deletion thing. Hard to call it a coincidence. Would really like to know how the Tinder algorithm works.

So you deletes your account and made a new one?
 

Jhoan

Member
Date just ended. I didn't want to push it and ask to get invited to her house but it was so awkward when I was overthinking to make out with her. Until I finally went for it and got a few kisses in. She was tired and I have another date tomorrow so I didn't want to communicate that I'm looking for a quick hook up.

She's pretty attractive. Probably the most attractive girl I've gone out with but she's kinda ditzy which I find charming. But it went well. We missed the movie but ended up having a few drinks and guacamole with chips. She said we should do it again since she said she's very boring leading a 9-5 job and is free in the night/weekends. I'll follow up with her tomorrow morning. I feel like something casual can become of this but nothing more. Still, it was fun in a light sort of way.
 

plidex

Member
So I opened a Tinder account yesterday, no matches yet which I guess is reasonable.

If I don't get any matches in a few days I'll start to think that I'm being too picky.

My photos aren't great, these are the two best ones out of four I uploaded:

nWU2FbO.jpg


wNCSuqI.jpg


They are all the same style, no hobbies, travels, grandmas, pets.
 

JDHarbs

Member
Internship girl gets back in town tomorrow. She started up a conversation last Sunday. I kept it short after hearing so little from her the previous week. She still seems interested and says she is excited to see me. She said that she didn't care about the weather issue as long as we just spent time together while she was in town.

She may have gotten cold feet, or was just that busy. I will probably never know which, but her drastic slow down of texting coincided with the political conventions last week and she is a politics enthusiast so that might explain it.

I'm a patient person and was interested in her enough to stick with it. It might pay off, or it might not. We'll see. Might as well see things through after how much time I've put into it.

I texted her again on her last day congratulating her on finishing the internship. She responded positively. Pending weather, it seems like we're still on for our meetup this week.
 

Calabi

Member
So, I'm looking for some advice. I'm having a go at online dating. I believe I'm probably undateable, nerdy, ratty looks, bad teeth and whatever else. But anyway I'm hoping just to meet people and maybe get a couple of dates.

So if I do manage to get a date should I tell them before I see them about my teeth? There about as bad as the girls in the news thing that was going around recently as in jaw and mouth didn't grow properly. I did almost get the ops to fix it but I wasn't able to at the time, so I'm probably screwed now. Should I even take a picture of them and send it, I dont want them shocked if I do see them. I guess it would be dishonest if I didn't tell them.
 

Jhoan

Member
So I opened a Tinder account yesterday, no matches yet which I guess is reasonable.

If I don't get any matches in a few days I'll start to think that I'm being too picky.

My photos aren't great, these are the two best ones out of four I uploaded:

They are all the same style, no hobbies, travels, grandmas, pets.
You're a handsome guy so you should have no problem getting matches at all. Definitely would recommend having friends take pictures of you doing activities to spice it up. Pets optional but if you can access a bodega cat/friend's dog, you have an easy photo op/selfie. I feel like the reason my Tinder matches have dried up is because I haven't taken much new pictures at all recently that I haven't updated my main picture.

So, I'm looking for some advice. I'm having a go at online dating. I believe I'm probably undateable, nerdy, ratty looks, bad teeth and whatever else. But anyway I'm hoping just to meet people and maybe get a couple of dates.

So if I do manage to get a date should I tell them before I see them about my teeth? There about as bad as the girls in the news thing that was going around recently as in jaw and mouth didn't grow properly. I did almost get the ops to fix it but I wasn't able to at the time, so I'm probably screwed now. Should I even take a picture of them and send it, I dont want them shocked if I do see them. I guess it would be dishonest if I didn't tell them.
The old adage is that if you make it an issue, it will be an issue. The fact that you already feel self-conscious about it is already telling as it will show. If you really think that you're nerdy/undateable, mind posting some pictures? If you feel self-conscious about posting them in public, put them in email tags.

Not much updates from yesterday other than that I texted last night's girl and plan to follow up with the girl from the other day. Fingers crossed! Last night's girl responds sporadically from being busy so I've gotten used to her texting habits. I forgot to mention that she touched my hair before I made out with her and assumed I was African-American until I told I told her I was Hispanic/Dominican. So I guess there's a certain level of "exoticness" to me.

I do have a tentative date scheduled at a park at 7pm today either in my home borough or hers. I didn't make it quite clear which one to meet at. The plan is for her to teach me hovering in exchange for bachata dance lessons so I will need to download a few songs into my phone.
 

Pachimari

Member
Seriously, only one girl has approached me on OKCupid, and that was a spam bot. Although the site says 7 people have liked me but I need to pay too see that stuff. I have also rewritten my entire profile three times but nothing catches on. I have tried both serious, player and funny guy.

That said, there seems to be a very limited selection of people in my area using the service. I should try a local dating site.
 

Calabi

Member
The old adage is that if you make it an issue, it will be an issue. The fact that you already feel self-conscious about it is already telling as it will show. If you really think that you're nerdy/undateable, mind posting some pictures? If you feel self-conscious about posting them in public, put them in email tags.

Thank's for the reply. Well I cant really be totally not self conscious, but I'm not that self conscious about them. I mean I try not to smile open mouth too much, but I can not care what other people think.

I just wasnt sure whether it would be a massive faux paux not to tell them. I mean I've seen profiles where they state "no one with bad teeth"(sidenote: and lots of women are into horseriding for some reason).

I'm probably overstating my undateable hideousness, but I go from pessimism to optimism quite often and prefer pessimism. I'd rather not post my picture yet, may later on though.
 

plidex

Member
So I remembered I have this pic which I don't think it's great save for the fact that at least it's outdoors. I blurred the background because I didn't feel comfortable showing the girls' faces (they are my coworkers who may not want to appear on my Tinder profile lol).

LRxERre.jpg


What do you think? It helps or harms?
 

Jhoan

Member
So I remembered I have this pic which I don't think it's great save for the fact that at least it's outdoors. I blurred the background because I didn't feel comfortable showing the girls' faces (they are my coworkers who may not want to appear on my Tinder profile lol).

LRxERre.jpg


What do you think? It helps or harms?
It looks pretty damn solid! Really good pic. You can put smiley faces over the faces.

So I finished the last date and it wasn't really so much of a date since it was a trainwreck. I arrived late and did a cold greeting. Went to a wine bar which was not good for me. She paid for everything and I made the mistake of lamenting about liking beer over wine and she said she's a wine person over beer. She told the guy something that was passive aggressive which I knew meant I done goof. My energy wasn't high at all. She then apologized for being so tired and wanted to go home which really meant that she was bored. I left her at the subway station and wanted to be alone so here I am.

I think I realized that I need to get my stuff figured out so I'm probably going to take a break from dating after these next dates dry up and get back into it after my financial situation gets better. These last couple of dates really got to me and it showed. Soon as I left her I deleted her number/texts.
 

plidex

Member
It looks pretty damn solid! Really good pic. You can put smiley faces over the faces.

So I finished the last date and it wasn't really so much of a date since it was a trainwreck. I arrived late and did a cold greeting. Went to a wine bar which was not good for me. She paid for everything and I made the mistake of lamenting about liking beer over wine and she said she's a wine person over beer. She told the guy something that was passive aggressive which I knew meant I done goof. My energy wasn't high at all. She then apologized for being so tired and wanted to go home which really meant that she was bored. I left her at the subway station and wanted to be alone so here I am.

I think I realized that I need to get my stuff figured out so I'm probably going to take a break from dating after these next dates dry up and get back into it after my financial situation gets better. These last couple of dates really got to me and it showed. Soon as I left her I deleted her number/texts.

Thanks, I'm very insecure so it helps having an outside view.

Too bad your date didn't go well, I guess we have to be prepared to go through those as it's part of the game, but it's hard.
 

Jhoan

Member
Thanks, I'm very insecure so it helps having an outside view.

Too bad your date didn't go well, I guess we have to be prepared to go through those as it's part of the game, but it's hard.
If anything, you can try cropping the picture out but it might look awkward. When in doubt, having a woman look at your pictures will help.

After a day of letting it sit, it wasn't so bad compared to another date I had in May this year where the girl and I were disagreeing about a lot of stuff. But my energy wasn't there so I acted disinterested which made it a chore for me to get through.

I'm sure everyone in this thread has been on their share of dates where they weren't on their A game. It's the nature of the beast. I won't let one bad date and a string of dates that ranged from good to okay this week bring me down so I'll get back on the horse and keep moving forward. My first date in August: Tuesday with a theatre girl from CmB at a Starbucks in my neighborhood. Will walk down to the nearby bar from there.

So to summarize my final week in July's dates:

-Monday: Made out with Asian girl which was a really fun date. Followed up with her a few days later asking to hang out again but she said she was getting back with her ex. Wished each other the best and moved on.
-Wednesday: A pigeon pooped on the table I was sitting on whille on date with slide girl which was funny and one I will tell in the future to friends. Chemistry was there but when I followed up with her she cited distance being an issue. Wished each other the best and moved on.
-Thursday: A failed attempt to go art gallery hopping led to going to a bar with Puerto Rican-Irish girl. As chatty as she was via text, in person I found her to be quite boring and was struggling to act interested in conversation at the bar. It didn't help that I was annoyed that it took me roughly 30 minutes to find her at the park we were supposed to meet up at. I followed up with her and she said she said she didn't feel feel it to which I agreed and suggested platonic friends. She agreed.
-Friday: Dietician girl was physically attractive but ditzy and struck me as being a typical 9-5 drone who was into traveling, going out with roommates, and was Snapchatting her brother every now and then. I had mixed feelings about her throughout the date since we didn't have much if anything in common. Awkwardly kissed her at the end as an afterthought which was meh. Followed up with her yesterday and she said she didn't feel any chemistry but wants to hang out as friends. I haven't responded to her yet but my draft text basically says that I agree about not feeling much chemistry as well and would be cool with that. I don't expect to replace her dearest BFF but I can learn something new about myself so screw it.
-Saturday: Hovering picture girl date was me at my C game on account of being 40 minutes late. The girl was nice and I thanked her for the paying for the drinks but I wasn't into it so I won't contact her again.

Looking back on July, I grew a lot as a person. I realized that I do have the confidence to make out with girls and need to overthink things a lot less. I also learned that I'm not attracted to shy girls at all and need to arrive to my dates early if not on time as well as try not to be super eager to talk about myself. I'm still on a dry spell but I'm not worried about that at all.

Dates have gotten super easy for me to land these days so it's a matter of just keeping the ball rolling and making plans for a second date if the prior date went well. I'm looking forward to more success stories as well more stories of struggles going into next month since we're all in it together. Most importantly, have fun with it, and don't complain about spending $6. ;)
 

JDHarbs

Member
Anybody have experience meeting up with someone who is kind of intimidating? Not necessarily in their personality, but someone who just clearly has their shit together.

Girl I'm meeting goes to a great school, knows 3 languages, studied abroad, has tons of hobbies and friends, overflowing resume, etc. I swear she has done more in the last year than I have in my entire like.
I have no clue what she sees in me

I'm trying not to let it rattle me, but it's kind of overwhelming.
 

Rainy

Banned
Anybody have experience meeting up with someone who is kind of intimidating? Not necessarily in their personality, but someone who just clearly has their shit together.

Girl I'm meeting goes to a great school, knows 3 languages, studied abroad, has tons of hobbies and friends, overflowing resume, etc. I swear she has done more in the last year than I have in my entire like.
I have no clue what she sees in me

I'm trying not to let it rattle me, but it's kind of overwhelming.

You have no clue what she sees in you, but she sees something, and that's what's important. Don't try to psyche yourself out before you even meet, that's fighting a losing battle. Be confident that she found you appealing and run with that. I'm sure you're not too bad yourself!
 

JDHarbs

Member
You have no clue what she sees in you, but she sees something, and that's what's important. Don't try to psyche yourself out before you even meet, that's fighting a losing battle. Be confident that she found you appealing and run with that. I'm sure you're not too bad yourself!
Thanks. I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it's been getting more and more difficult. This meetup has been building for 2 months now which means way too much time for my mind to dwell on things.

There are just so many things working against this that I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment, but I feel the need to go through with it anyway because I've never had a girl like her interested in me before and may never again.
 

Jhoan

Member
Anybody have experience meeting up with someone who is kind of intimidating? Not necessarily in their personality, but someone who just clearly has their shit together.

Girl I'm meeting goes to a great school, knows 3 languages, studied abroad, has tons of hobbies and friends, overflowing resume, etc. I swear she has done more in the last year than I have in my entire like.
I have no clue what she sees in me

I'm trying not to let it rattle me, but it's kind of overwhelming.
I've gone out with plenty of girls who have done way more stuff possibly than I will before I turn 30 including traveled to Europe, work full time or have steady gigs coming in, active social lives, live with roommates, and the works versus my occasional freelancing gigs, work for free for a yet to launch start up while doing an unpaid internship, have traveled to only one other country so far and a handful of states along the Northeast, and live with family in my late 20s. However, I'm passionate about drawing/my art as well as writing and working/volunteering at conventions.

I don't have my stuff together and I'm okay with that because I'm still figuring it out and I'm passionate about some of the things I'm doing that I believe in it. In the end of the day, if a girl likes you, she'll be willing to overlook all those things. If a girl doesn't and wants Mr. 7 Continent Man with his 9-5, happy hour social life, she can look elsewhere for it.

The thing that ties everyone together is that we're all human regardless of achievements. There's no reason you should feel intimidated. Be proud and passionate about the stuff you're pursuing now. Everyone lives life at their own pace. I hope that if there's no chemistry in the end, you won't be too crushed and can finally move on. That being said, I would still recommend dating other girls to lessen the impact.
 

JDHarbs

Member
I've gone out with plenty of girls who have done way more stuff possibly than I will before I turn 30 including traveled to Europe, work full time or have steady gigs coming in, active social lives, live with roommates, and the works versus my occasional freelancing gigs, work for free for a yet to launch start up while doing an unpaid internship, have traveled to only one other country so far and a handful of states along the Northeast, and live with family in my late 20s. However, I'm passionate about drawing/my art as well as writing and working/volunteering at conventions.

I don't have my stuff together and I'm okay with that because I'm still figuring it out and I'm passionate about some of the things I'm doing that I believe in it. In the end of the day, if a girl likes you, she'll be willing to overlook all those things. If a girl doesn't and wants Mr. 7 Continent Man with his 9-5, happy hour social life, she can look elsewhere for it.

The thing that ties everyone together is that we're all human regardless of achievements. There's no reason you should feel intimidated. Be proud and passionate about the stuff you're pursuing now. Everyone lives life at their own pace. I hope that if there's no chemistry in the end, you won't be too crushed and can finally move on. That being said, I would still recommend dating other girls to lessen the impact.
Thanks.

I do freelance work now too, and its been taking up so much of my time. I should really be taking time off from dating to focus on it which is why I'm not looking into other girls at the moment, but I'm just really into this one and her leaving in a month kind of works out for me. Plus, she's busy as hell too so an LDR through the fall could work for the both of us.

I was in a similar situation last summer where I was going to be taking on a shit load of work soon and needed to focus on it, but I met up a couple of times with a girl on OKC and realized I wasn't going to have any time to dedicate to her so I told her about it and she seemed kind of crushed and eventually stopped talking to me.
 
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