Support NeoGAF

[RoKKeR]

Hey all. Curious to get some thoughts on this topic that as it has become relevant to my family in recent years. To cut to the chase, we welcomed a now 10 year old girl into our family via foreign adoption a few years back, and she has adjusted to her new life amazingly well. Prior to her adoption, we were made aware that she had a 5 Alpha Reductase Deficiency, which is a genetic condition that rendered her with ambiguous genitalia and no sexual organs. When she was born, the doctors in her country decided that she would be a girl, and removed her half-developed testes in an early surgery. (she is XY)

Today, my mom sat her down and explained everything, diagrams and all, figuring that transparency and informing her early would be the best way to approach this. She seemingly understood and absorbed all of this information, recognizing that she felt like a boy on the inside, even though she previously lacked the conceptual framework to even think through something like this. It is clear that she feels like and wants to be a boy. However, as she is very socially cognizant and aware, she is apprehensive as to how her friends and peers would react, along with general uncertainty with the whole situation.

So, I guess I am asking if anybody out there has experienced themselves personally or has known about someone who has gone through a gender transition at a young age. What would be the best ways to "initiate" something like this – especially as it is pertains to someone who will not be receiving testosterone for a few years still? How do other kids typically react to one of their peers going through such a change? Is making the transition earlier better than later? (i.e. middle or high school?) I'm not sure even if I have a distinct question, but am mostly just curious to hear from other people as to what perspectives they might have on something like this. We want what is best for her and are ready to fully support her, but are certainly entering uncharted waters for our family.

 

[Platy]

The earliest the best.
Less time for the kids to be filled with prejudice.

Also, a good start would be using his right pronoums

 

[Vincent Grayson]

I have never dealt with this personally, but I'm glad to see you're supporting your child through what will inevitably be a difficult process.

If it were me, I'd search out a therapist that has worked with transitioning children/teens in the past. I don't know what the best way to find that person is, but I imagine they'd know more about things that need doing and how to approach the challenges that might come from school/government stuff.

 

[Sophia]

What would be the best ways to "initiate" something like this – especially as it is pertains to someone who will not be receiving testosterone for a few years still?

First thing first: If there's not already one involved, look for a therapist who works specifically with gender identity. Ideally one who works with kids. If nothing else, they have resources that can be a huge help. Plus, they can help with managing other emotional issues too.

I don't know what state you're in, but I know in Michigan you can contact University of Michigan for help with stuff like this, as they have a gender program. They directed me to my current therapist.

How do other kids typically react to one of their peers going through such a change?

It's hard to say. A lot of it depends on location. But a big factor is how much support the peers get from the parents and other authority figures in their life. If you can get the support of the school system and a few parents, then that's a good start. As for the kids themselves, it depends on their upbringing. Some will definitely try to be bullies, and some will be supportive.

Is making the transition earlier better than later? (i.e. middle or high school?)

Yes. The sooner, the better. I'm not sure how puberty will be given his unique genetic condition, but blockers may or may not be needed. Definitely do not wait tho; it is much easier to transition now.

 

[Wereroku]

Yeah get with a psychiatrist/doctor. You want to start before puberty while also making sure everything is safe. As for her class mates maybe a support group specifically for transitioning children would have more insight.

 

[kirblar]

Given that he's missing his secondary hormones, I suspect they'll want to start treatment now (not inducing puberty, but establishing a normal young male baseline), since he's going to already be putting out a different set of hormones than most boys or girls at that age. Normally they often want to wait, but given the circumstances that doesn't seem like it'd be a good idea here.

Definitely get in touch w/ a Doc ASAP. Good luck to you and your kid w/ this.

 

[Butterfly Witch]

The earliest the best.
Less time for the kids to be filled with prejudice.

Also, a good start would be using his right pronoums

Indeed!

The sooner the better. You'll be giving your child the best chances of avoiding traumatic experiences such as bullying, gender dysphoria and having to go through puberty on the wrong gender.

 

[The Fatal Englishman]

As far as I am aware, this is a heavily debated topic in the psychiatric profession and I have my doubts that anybody here is qualified to give a definitive answer.

 

[Sunster]

There is an episode of House MD s05e16 about this exact thing. Parents chose male but at I think 13 child felt more female. That's the extent of my knowledge

 

[RoKKeR]

First thing first: If there's not already one involved, look for a therapist who works specifically with gender identity. Ideally one who works with kids. If nothing else, they have resources that can be a huge help. Plus, they can help with managing other emotional issues too.

I don't know what state you're in, but I know in Michigan you can contact University of Michigan for help with stuff like this, as they have a gender program. They directed me to my current therapist.

It's hard to say. A lot of it depends on location. But a big factor is how much support the peers get from the parents and other authority figures in their life. If you can get the support of the school system and a few parents, then that's a good start. As for the kids themselves, it depends on their upbringing. Some will definitely try to be bullies, and some will be supportive.

Yes. The sooner, the better. I'm not sure how puberty will be given his unique genetic condition, but blockers may or may not be needed. Definitely do not wait tho; it is much easier to transition now.

Indeed!

The sooner the better. You'll be giving your child the best chances of avoiding traumatic experiences such as bullying, gender dysphoria and having to go through puberty on the wrong gender.

Thanks for these + other great responses. To be clear, this is not my child, rather an adopted sibling of mine. Still, our entire family is incredibly invested in them and their future, which is why I was curious to see if anybody had any similar experiences just to get a frame of reference.

They'll be meeting with an endocrinologist and geneticist at the end of the week to discuss everything and how best to proceed.

 

[Media]

I have never dealt with this personally, but I'm glad to see you're supporting your child through what will inevitably be a difficult process.

If it were me, I'd search out a therapist that has worked with transitioning children/teens in the past. I don't know what the best way to find that person is, but I imagine they'd know more about things that need doing and how to approach the challenges that might come from school/government stuff.

This 100%. If he really wants to transition now, make sure he's emotionally prepared. My oldest son is gay and gender fluid, and thought about it but decided he likes being a boy that just enjoys "girl" things as well. Look around for trans therapists in your area and get him in for sessions asap.

I wish they would ban "corrective" surgery on babies with this and similar conditions. Just wait until they know what they want.