It's not about hurting feelings, it's about not forcing people to pay probably $70 for a second controller to play a local multiplayer game when their current controllers are almost functionally identical.
The problem is the built-in mic array, and that's it. Adaptive triggers may feel great, but they're still inputs that work on a scale like old triggers. Haptic feedback may be cool, but it's HD rumble and people will turn it off, it's not a requirement to play a game. The built-in mic array is the new true input which a Dualshock 4 doesn't have, so if your PS5 game requires use of it, then fair enough, new controller for the new input.
The issue here is that much like the Sixaxis motion controls, or to a lesser extent the DS4's touchpad; the amount of games that require you to use the built-in mic are likely to be absolutely minimal. So while it's a technically valid excuse, it's not a great one. If the DualSense had, say, a Z button on the back this time, no-one would be having this conversation. It's just tricky because the mic input is such a tiny new addition.