Union Carbine
Member
Sorry to hear, OP 
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
My wife has had a miscarriage: Any stories or advice you can share?
- Thread starter Downhome
- Start date
- Status
I understand what you're going through, OP. My spouse miscarried on Christmas Eve 2010. It was an extremely difficult thing for us.
I guess my advice would be to acknowledge that what both of you are going through right now is real, tangible grief. You'll both likely work through it at different paces and in different ways. Just be there to support each other. It'll get better over time, though you should also know that every now and again, it'll come back and hit you like a brick.
I guess my advice would be to acknowledge that what both of you are going through right now is real, tangible grief. You'll both likely work through it at different paces and in different ways. Just be there to support each other. It'll get better over time, though you should also know that every now and again, it'll come back and hit you like a brick.
Begaria
Member
It sucks dude, I share your pain. All I can really relate to you is my own personal experience. I'll keep it short:
My wife and I got pregnant at the end of 2010, expecting August 2011. She gave birth to our first child (son), but he swallowed a lot of baby poop being born and completely destroyed his lungs at birth. He died two weeks later in intensive care. We spent an additional three and a half years trying to have another child. We had eight pregnancies in total across four years: our son, 6 miscarriages (3 passed naturally, 3 D&C), and the final pregnancy which began at the end of 2014 in December.
That last pregnancy was going to be our final one. Our last hope. We had discussed adoption, artificial insemination, etc. But, we decided to give the natural way one last shot.
And it worked. We had our daughter, after four years of trying to have children, in September of 2015.
Do not give up hope. Do not stop trying. It'll hurt, every single time if you have more miscarriages, but it's so worth it in the end. Rely on your wife's strength, and she'll rely on yours.
My wife and I got pregnant at the end of 2010, expecting August 2011. She gave birth to our first child (son), but he swallowed a lot of baby poop being born and completely destroyed his lungs at birth. He died two weeks later in intensive care. We spent an additional three and a half years trying to have another child. We had eight pregnancies in total across four years: our son, 6 miscarriages (3 passed naturally, 3 D&C), and the final pregnancy which began at the end of 2014 in December.
That last pregnancy was going to be our final one. Our last hope. We had discussed adoption, artificial insemination, etc. But, we decided to give the natural way one last shot.
And it worked. We had our daughter, after four years of trying to have children, in September of 2015.
Do not give up hope. Do not stop trying. It'll hurt, every single time if you have more miscarriages, but it's so worth it in the end. Rely on your wife's strength, and she'll rely on yours.
OP and Begaria (and everyone else who shared similar stories), I just want to say I'm sitting here in my office, in tears. My heart goes out to all of you, and I wish you the courage and strength to persevere.
I am a father of three (twin boys, 7, and a girl, 10), and both pregnancies we went through were "high risk" due to my wife's kidney disease. As a result, both experiences were extremely taxing on me emotionally. I was so nervous every moment of every day that I really didn't get to enjoy the pregnancies with my wife. Even after all these years, she still mentions that I wasn't the exuberant daddy-to-be that she expected.
I mention this because I was not as strong as I should have been for her. It may have been emotionally trying for me, but it was obviously all that and then some (not to mention the physical toll) for my wife.
While I cannot empathize with what your families are going through, you have my sincerest sympathies. Be strong for your wives/girlfriends.
Hey OP, my sincerest commiserations for what you and your wife are going through.
Myself and my wife tried for a seemingly-forever 18 months for our first child, only to find we had miscarried at 7 weeks (she'd had bleeding at around 12 weeks). It's a genuinely terrible and upsetting thing to have happen, even despite the 'baby' being barely human at that point.
We got pregnant again 6 months later, and now we have a beautiful 8 month old daughter.
You just have to look after each other as much as possible and then not give up on trying again. I've not read the whole thread (sorry!) but the statistics of it happening first time round are very high (ridiculously so) but seemingly a lot less second time around.
Best wishes.
EDIT:
Sorry, I also just wanted to say how moved I was by Begaria's post. Glad you got your happy ever after in the end, dude.
Myself and my wife tried for a seemingly-forever 18 months for our first child, only to find we had miscarried at 7 weeks (she'd had bleeding at around 12 weeks). It's a genuinely terrible and upsetting thing to have happen, even despite the 'baby' being barely human at that point.
We got pregnant again 6 months later, and now we have a beautiful 8 month old daughter.
You just have to look after each other as much as possible and then not give up on trying again. I've not read the whole thread (sorry!) but the statistics of it happening first time round are very high (ridiculously so) but seemingly a lot less second time around.
Best wishes.
EDIT:
Sorry, I also just wanted to say how moved I was by Begaria's post. Glad you got your happy ever after in the end, dude.
I don't even know what to say other than I'm so sorry. Thank God you had a happy ending, in the end. Seeing that at the end of your post at least put a smile back on my face for a second. Stories like yours are hard to read, but I love knowing that most of these heartbreaking stories usually ends with a wonderful success.
This is one of the most horrifying things I have ever read. Man, I feel for you. That's just an absolutely terrible experience. You're a much stronger person than I am (got him out with a salad spoon?).
S
Steve.1981
Unconfirmed Member
My parents had 3 miscarriages before they had my awesome sisters, and me. My dad was working too hard through it all and couldn't talk about it with anyone because he's old fashioned. He had a nervous breakdown in the end (then recovered fine).
It's really strange to think sometimes that if my parents hadn't went through all that shit I literally wouldn't exist. I don't know what to say about that. We're a close family now.
I'm sorry for your loss op. I hope you and your partner help each other through this tough time. Talk to each other, cry together, love each other, keep going. You never know what's coming further on up the road.
It's really strange to think sometimes that if my parents hadn't went through all that shit I literally wouldn't exist. I don't know what to say about that. We're a close family now.
I'm sorry for your loss op. I hope you and your partner help each other through this tough time. Talk to each other, cry together, love each other, keep going. You never know what's coming further on up the road.
I remember your first thread... So sorry to hear what happened.
My wife had a miscarriage around the same time and she let nature take its course. In our case she bled for a long time, and it was some time before she was physically able to try again.
We immediately booked a holiday to take our mind off things and she got pregnant whilst we were away about 6 months later. Felt like closure to a really difficult time... Really hope you get that too.
Two of my best friends miscarried at a similar time, it's common unfortunately.
My wife had a miscarriage around the same time and she let nature take its course. In our case she bled for a long time, and it was some time before she was physically able to try again.
We immediately booked a holiday to take our mind off things and she got pregnant whilst we were away about 6 months later. Felt like closure to a really difficult time... Really hope you get that too.
Two of my best friends miscarried at a similar time, it's common unfortunately.
Yeah, I don't know if salad spoon was the right term.. More like a serving spoon. He was in the toilet and I was an emotional wreck at the moment, knew we had to get him out to bring in to the hospital.
I just wanted to update you. It's the day after my D&C and I'm in no pain. Wearing a pad but it's just like a period.
I do not regret my choice as it's over now and once I heal we can try again. It hurts that this baby was lost but I am sure our bundle of joy is just around the corner.
I do not regret my choice as it's over now and once I heal we can try again. It hurts that this baby was lost but I am sure our bundle of joy is just around the corner.
Thank you for the update, and I'm glad you are feeling alright. I hope for great look in your future.
We are at the hospital in outpatient surgery now for the D&C. We were not expecting this today. Yesterday at work my wife started feeling awful, and it was very bad when she got home. She took a hot bath, it helped some, then we ate. I ran out to get some pain meds, then when I got back she took a second hot bath, then while in the tub intense contractions started. It didn't come, but it was very rough, for an hour or two.
The pain med then knocked her out and she slept fine last night. She went to work today, and we had our appointment this morning at Doctor. He was going to schedule the D&C for Monday, but after I told him about last night he rushed us over to have it done that very minute.
My wife has rolling veins so taking blood is always hard on her, but especially today. It took them an hour to get just a few drops of blood in a single vial and to get the IV in. It was torture on her, almost like giving birth, just a nightmare. The pain meds in IV finally kicked in and she felt better. They instantly took her away to have the procedure done and I'm sitting here alone in her outpatient hospital room.
This really, really sucks.
My wife miscarried 3 times, we now have 2 year old twins.
Ended up having fertility treatment after the 3rd time. My wife had an aggressive immune system which was killing the fetuses. It took steroids, hormones and in vitro egg proteins to get her through the pregnancy. Just.
They were born 2 months early, not that you'd know now but it was scary from start to finish. She was constantly in hospital.
Try again, if it happens again get it investigated.
Ended up having fertility treatment after the 3rd time. My wife had an aggressive immune system which was killing the fetuses. It took steroids, hormones and in vitro egg proteins to get her through the pregnancy. Just.
They were born 2 months early, not that you'd know now but it was scary from start to finish. She was constantly in hospital.
Try again, if it happens again get it investigated.
Just to update really quickly, the D&C went fine. She is having almost no pain or bleeding, so the doctor did an amazing job. This has been a terribly emotional experience, but it's thankfully over. We have decided to try again ASAP, we don't want to wait at all.
We also gave it a first and middle name, Harper Casey. We went with a name that could be fine for a boy or a girl since we will never know for sure what it was going to end up as.
We are also going to plant a tree in our yard in memory of Harper, and the overall experience. I just posted the update on Facebook to let everyone know. Now the healing starts. Thanks for all of your support everyone, it means a lot to me.
We also gave it a first and middle name, Harper Casey. We went with a name that could be fine for a boy or a girl since we will never know for sure what it was going to end up as.
We are also going to plant a tree in our yard in memory of Harper, and the overall experience. I just posted the update on Facebook to let everyone know. Now the healing starts. Thanks for all of your support everyone, it means a lot to me.
Today it has been one week since my wife had her D&C. This has been a very hard week, but tonight has been especially hard, and my wife was in tears over wishing she could know "why". I'm trying to be strong and positive, but it's very hard. It's a nightmare in town walking past the baby stuff we were just recently going all in with browsing and thinking of the future.
I was going to start playing Mario Maker last night and my wife asked me if I remembered who got it for me. We have gifts to one another from the baby for fun - Harper gave my wife a necklace with a heart pendant with baby footprints on it along with the August birthstone and "Harper" gave me the game. I told her of course I remember, and she then started crying saying Harper will never be able to play it with me like I had been talking about looking forward to. It killed me, and now I have a hard time to even pick the game up.
My overall point is this - to anyone who goes through this, don't be ashamed and do not blame yourself. The pain is absolutely real, and it's ok to feel this way.
I'm thinking about starting a blog or something. Maybe it would help us deal with this.
I was going to start playing Mario Maker last night and my wife asked me if I remembered who got it for me. We have gifts to one another from the baby for fun - Harper gave my wife a necklace with a heart pendant with baby footprints on it along with the August birthstone and "Harper" gave me the game. I told her of course I remember, and she then started crying saying Harper will never be able to play it with me like I had been talking about looking forward to. It killed me, and now I have a hard time to even pick the game up.
My overall point is this - to anyone who goes through this, don't be ashamed and do not blame yourself. The pain is absolutely real, and it's ok to feel this way.
I'm thinking about starting a blog or something. Maybe it would help us deal with this.
Sorry to hear OP.
The first three months are always critical with a miscarriage risk of 25 %.
That's why me and wife kept our hopes and expectations somewhat in check when we found out we were pregnant and also didn't tell anyone until she was 4 months when the risks drop off signifcantly. That way we didn't want to get anyones hopes up or spare ourselves the painful process of having the entire family wanting to 'comfort' us if it happened.
We waited until she was 6 months to really start getting into a future parent mindset and started buying baby stuff.
Try and take solace in the fact that you and your wife apparently are a healthy fertile couple who have no problem conceiving and it probably won't take long if you wanted to get pregnant again.
The first three months are always critical with a miscarriage risk of 25 %.
That's why me and wife kept our hopes and expectations somewhat in check when we found out we were pregnant and also didn't tell anyone until she was 4 months when the risks drop off signifcantly. That way we didn't want to get anyones hopes up or spare ourselves the painful process of having the entire family wanting to 'comfort' us if it happened.
We waited until she was 6 months to really start getting into a future parent mindset and started buying baby stuff.
Try and take solace in the fact that you and your wife apparently are a healthy fertile couple who have no problem conceiving and it probably won't take long if you wanted to get pregnant again.
Both my wife and I have been having a terrible time dealing with this, still here over a month later. After talking to my wife we decided to take my original idea of keeping a written journal and scrapbook for the pregnancy, and instead create an online blog instead. I am no one special at all, I know that. However, I hope this not only helps us cope with everything as we move forward to try again but I also hope other couples in the same situation finds it and it offers something to them, even if it's just to show them that they aren't alone. I'm hoping other dads out there in this same situation finds it as well. There is way too little out there for dads, and I want anyone that finds this to know that it's nothing to be ashamed of and that they aren't alone.
http://www.downhomedaddy.com
That's all, with that I'll let this thread fade away. Thanks again for all of your kind words and support. It has meant a lot to me this year, it really has.
http://www.downhomedaddy.com
That's all, with that I'll let this thread fade away. Thanks again for all of your kind words and support. It has meant a lot to me this year, it really has.
shinobi602
Member
I'm sorry you both had to go through that OP. My wife also just had a miscarriage on Thursday
It was only 7 weeks in. It was rough for both of us, we already have a 2 year old boy and we were so excited, especially after my brother passed away just a few weeks ago. It felt like a bright spot for us...that it'd be 4 of us now and not just 3 anymore. He'd be an older brother but it just wasn't the time...
I can't say much to comfort you because I know how you feel but just know it's very common. It's natural to feel down and question if you'll have more kids now but my wife and I are encouraged to try again and hoping for the best. You'll be alright buddy.
It was only 7 weeks in. It was rough for both of us, we already have a 2 year old boy and we were so excited, especially after my brother passed away just a few weeks ago. It felt like a bright spot for us...that it'd be 4 of us now and not just 3 anymore. He'd be an older brother but it just wasn't the time...
I can't say much to comfort you because I know how you feel but just know it's very common. It's natural to feel down and question if you'll have more kids now but my wife and I are encouraged to try again and hoping for the best. You'll be alright buddy.
User 479360
Banned
Sorry to hear, OP. My condolences. I can't even imagine.
One of the ladies that comes in to help my family has been pregnant for a while, and she recently found out that her baby isn't alive anymore. It's really too bad.
One of the ladies that comes in to help my family has been pregnant for a while, and she recently found out that her baby isn't alive anymore. It's really too bad.
Liljagare
Member
My condolences.
We've lost all our kids (three daughters, one son, all from unrelated and utterly rare abnormalities) , and gone through some miscarriages, and, we have come to terms with that we will not have children of our own.
We have survived though, and we are still mostly happy. Life isn't always about what you want, more often it is what you get, and you always should just try to make the best of it all.
We thought about adoption, but are now too old for that. My wife instead decided to work with children, she's a specialist now working with younger children who have severe disabilities/diseases. I work with trying to help kids in poor situations (mothers with dads who are violent mainly, take a pause and think about how I feel about men like that).
I think, as sad as we are over not having our own kids, we are still awesome adult figures to alot of kids, and that is important. And, more importantly, life goes on in a positive way.
We've lost all our kids (three daughters, one son, all from unrelated and utterly rare abnormalities) , and gone through some miscarriages, and, we have come to terms with that we will not have children of our own.
We have survived though, and we are still mostly happy. Life isn't always about what you want, more often it is what you get, and you always should just try to make the best of it all.
We thought about adoption, but are now too old for that. My wife instead decided to work with children, she's a specialist now working with younger children who have severe disabilities/diseases. I work with trying to help kids in poor situations (mothers with dads who are violent mainly, take a pause and think about how I feel about men like that).
I think, as sad as we are over not having our own kids, we are still awesome adult figures to alot of kids, and that is important. And, more importantly, life goes on in a positive way.
bengraven
Member
I'm sorry for this, but I do have a story to share.
One of my best friends and his wife were in their early 30s when they decided to try for a kid. It just was not happening. After nearly 8 years of marriage, however, she finally became pregnant.
She lost the child four months in.
She would later become pregnant two more times before finally giving up after two more miscarriages. They decided to start the adoption talks but their marriage was starting to hurt because of the wife's sudden and deep depression over the consecutive abortions. They were still in love, but she just wanted to be alone from the world. They decided to split apart and she would live with her father down the street until they could possibly repair their marriage or she could finally get the help she needed for her depression.
She found out soon after she was pregnant. They had a healthy sex life for the most part, despite the issues they had until the last couple of weeks before the inevitable split but both were shocked to find she was nearly 3 months along already.
In her dark depression she considered aborting the child. She was already 35 and worried her advancing age and her past history would just end up hurting her again and she thought that if she went through another miscarriage after holding onto the child within her for so long she would go completely insane and it would end her marriage.
They decided to try and keep it and moved back in together.
That child is 6 years old now.
Three months after he was born, she became pregnant with his sister. She is 5.
Today they are an incredibly happy family of four despite their past issues and the smiles on their faces in every picture makes me actual tear up. I was there for their struggles, the late night conversations with my friend as he began to drink himself to stupidity to put a band-aid on the pain caused by her depression and the loss of three of his children. I was there when they decided to just give up on both their marriage and having children.
They deserve this.
And so do you and your wife.
One of my best friends and his wife were in their early 30s when they decided to try for a kid. It just was not happening. After nearly 8 years of marriage, however, she finally became pregnant.
She lost the child four months in.
She would later become pregnant two more times before finally giving up after two more miscarriages. They decided to start the adoption talks but their marriage was starting to hurt because of the wife's sudden and deep depression over the consecutive abortions. They were still in love, but she just wanted to be alone from the world. They decided to split apart and she would live with her father down the street until they could possibly repair their marriage or she could finally get the help she needed for her depression.
She found out soon after she was pregnant. They had a healthy sex life for the most part, despite the issues they had until the last couple of weeks before the inevitable split but both were shocked to find she was nearly 3 months along already.
In her dark depression she considered aborting the child. She was already 35 and worried her advancing age and her past history would just end up hurting her again and she thought that if she went through another miscarriage after holding onto the child within her for so long she would go completely insane and it would end her marriage.
They decided to try and keep it and moved back in together.
That child is 6 years old now.
Three months after he was born, she became pregnant with his sister. She is 5.
Today they are an incredibly happy family of four despite their past issues and the smiles on their faces in every picture makes me actual tear up. I was there for their struggles, the late night conversations with my friend as he began to drink himself to stupidity to put a band-aid on the pain caused by her depression and the loss of three of his children. I was there when they decided to just give up on both their marriage and having children.
They deserve this.
And so do you and your wife.
Dr.Guru of Peru
played the long game
I know this may come off as insensitive, but maybe treating a miscarriage with this level as gravitas is not the healthiest way to approach this. It can lead people to questioning whether there was something about them, or something they did that caused this. It wasn't.
Miscarriages are extremely common. About 50% of all pregnancies end in one. Human reproduction is just not that efficient. Maybe it's something we evolved to ensure that only those that had a good chance of making it in the real world survive, I don't know. But before the age of home pregnancy tests, most people who miscarried probably didn't even realize they were pregnant.
I know it seems like I'm telling you what to think, but I'm not. It's just my perspective on the issue. Best of luck.
Miscarriages are extremely common. About 50% of all pregnancies end in one. Human reproduction is just not that efficient. Maybe it's something we evolved to ensure that only those that had a good chance of making it in the real world survive, I don't know. But before the age of home pregnancy tests, most people who miscarried probably didn't even realize they were pregnant.
I know it seems like I'm telling you what to think, but I'm not. It's just my perspective on the issue. Best of luck.
My hospital told me it was one third of all pregnancies not fifty percent.
Anyway OP sorry to hear you are still struggling. One of my best friends, two of my cousins, three other friends and a tonne of people I see at work (daycare) are all pregnant so it's hard. It is what it is though.
I just got my period today for the first timr post surgery so in two weeks we can try again. It was an awful experience but the future is still bright.
Anyway OP sorry to hear you are still struggling. One of my best friends, two of my cousins, three other friends and a tonne of people I see at work (daycare) are all pregnant so it's hard. It is what it is though.
I just got my period today for the first timr post surgery so in two weeks we can try again. It was an awful experience but the future is still bright.
AlphaSnake
...and that, kids, was the first time I sucked a dick for crack
My wife and I went through this early last year. Also at 8 weeks. We told people, and days later something went wrong. Reading Downhome's story was like reliving my own experience. It sucked.
All places will tell you a different statistic of miscarriages. 1/3 is the documented number. There are many more undocumented cases, as well. The realistic number is indeed 50%. Literally every woman in both our families has experienced a miscarriage at one point or another. It might hurt to read it, but it has to be understood: miscarriages are a fairly normal part of pregnancy. They are the unbearable, awful truth, and very realistic risk.
My wife's miscarriage required no surgery, the ER told her that her numbers were low, the bleeding was considerable, and that there is nothing to see in the Ultrasound. She bled for close to 12 days. Every day she cried and cried. She broke down when during the bleeding she passed an...object. It was the size of a peanut or cherry tomato.
Ugh. It was gutwrenching and depressing. My wife was just depressed for a long time and I did everything I could to cheer her up and make her feel better. Crying randomly throughout the day, seeing babies and crying, all of that stuff came with it. You have to wait 3 months until you can try again though. Her cycle needs to be regular again and her body needs to heal internally too. But sulking inside the house is the LAST thing you'll wanna do. Get her out of the house, go to the movies, go to dinners, enjoy walks, watch A LOT of comedies. Get her mind off of it as much as possible.
But I warn you, if she sees baby commercials on TV, or shows/movies with cute babies in them, be prepared for tears.
raidenandsolid
Member
My wife had a second trimester(15 weeks) miscarriage and gave birth(early term) before our son passed. We had gone to the ER because she had severe spotting the past night and she was having contractions. They did an ultrasound and the baby appeared to have a strong heartbeat and was moving around. It turns out he was preparing to be delivered but it was much, much too soon. Needless to say I was filled with a lot of sorrow, pain, anger and other emotions the entire day at the hospital. A few weeks later we were told by her OB/GYN that her placenta had apparently developed a viral infection and there wasn't anything that could have been done to save him. We aren't sure if that's truly 100% the case but that's all they could give us.
I know in many cases abnormalities can form and cause these issues, but for all intents and purposes it appeared that our son was completely healthy and developing just fine. To watch my wife give birth and see how small he was. Well I don't want to continue much further but I cried more that day than I ever have my whole life up to that point.
They aren't easy to get over, but we do have each other and our 2 1/2 year old daughter to live for. So that combined with the support of each other's families and friends have helped us get through. We will always remember our son and anytime we get a little overwhelmed we just talk with each other to help get through.
I know in many cases abnormalities can form and cause these issues, but for all intents and purposes it appeared that our son was completely healthy and developing just fine. To watch my wife give birth and see how small he was. Well I don't want to continue much further but I cried more that day than I ever have my whole life up to that point.
They aren't easy to get over, but we do have each other and our 2 1/2 year old daughter to live for. So that combined with the support of each other's families and friends have helped us get through. We will always remember our son and anytime we get a little overwhelmed we just talk with each other to help get through.
We're going through this right now. I'm actually at the hospital which my wife just had a D&C. It was originally scheduled for this morning but last night she was in the worst pain of her life. I was able to get her to the ER and the D&C done earlier than expected. I'll read through the rest of this thread and hope your stories help. I can't even imagine how she's feeling physically and emotionally.
just be there for her. And i think i said it in this thread previously, but there is absolutely no shame in talking to other women or a professional about it.
Since my wife and I and all of our friends have started having kids, her older sister had an ectopic pregnancy, we strongly suspect that one of our good friends had a miscarriage based on discussions we've had. It is very, very common for women to have a miscarriage, its almost like their bodies need a "trial" run. But the thing is almost no one talks about it.
there was a great article that i want to share, i read from a woman who had a miscarriage and didnt talk to her own husband about it for like 6 months, but now i can't find it.
BudokaiMR2
Member
Sorry to hear that OP, but as you said it is a fairly common occurrence.
Just don't let it get it to you and keep trying as long as you are able to.
My wife also had a miscarriage around the 10 week mark on our first try, before our healthy boy was born about 2 years ago.
It also happened again late last year as we tried for our second kid. The doctors advise to wait for a while after the D&C before trying again, and we should be able to give it another go soon.
Hope everything works out for you!
Just don't let it get it to you and keep trying as long as you are able to.
My wife also had a miscarriage around the 10 week mark on our first try, before our healthy boy was born about 2 years ago.
It also happened again late last year as we tried for our second kid. The doctors advise to wait for a while after the D&C before trying again, and we should be able to give it another go soon.
Hope everything works out for you!
Don't treat it like a pregnancy until you're further in. Treat a confirmed pregnancy like a "chance for a child" instead of a guaranteed one that can be carried to term.
Not easy, I'm sure, but if you can learn to emotionally approach pregnancy like this from now on, it could help you both deal with the fact that, even when doing everything right, miscarriages are fairly common (many women might not realize they've had one very early in, on more than one occasion, for example).
Once you're ready and "over" this fact of life, have at her again? If you have another pregnancy and the miscarriages continue, then you can look into potentially more serious fertility/health problems, and what available treatment/options there are.
Not easy, I'm sure, but if you can learn to emotionally approach pregnancy like this from now on, it could help you both deal with the fact that, even when doing everything right, miscarriages are fairly common (many women might not realize they've had one very early in, on more than one occasion, for example).
Once you're ready and "over" this fact of life, have at her again? If you have another pregnancy and the miscarriages continue, then you can look into potentially more serious fertility/health problems, and what available treatment/options there are.
AlphaSnake
...and that, kids, was the first time I sucked a dick for crack
Yep. Because so many women don't talk about them, the statistic for miscarriages is very grossly underrated. Doctors should explain to planning women that the chance for a miscarriage is very high for perfectly natural reasons.
Yeah she seems to be taking this well. She was in the worst pain i've ever seen her in. Longest day of my life.
All I can say is that it is much more common than most think....try again.
I didn't find out until a few years ago (I'm almost 40) that my mom had multiple ones between me and my next brother.
It has to be incredibly hard - but hopefully you can take solace in that it happens and doesn't mean you won't be able to carry to term next time.
I didn't find out until a few years ago (I'm almost 40) that my mom had multiple ones between me and my next brother.
It has to be incredibly hard - but hopefully you can take solace in that it happens and doesn't mean you won't be able to carry to term next time.
Michael F. Assbender
Banned
My deepest condolences to you both. Losing a pregnancy is never easy. Just remember that your wife needs you more than ever right now. As much as this is tearing at you, it's even worse for her. The baby was growing in her body, so feelings of guilt and inadequacy are likely going through her mind.
My wife miscarried twice before we finally had our daughter (who is happy and healthy--knock wood--and almost two). And she miscarried again a few months ago before her current pregnancy (which is going to be our last and is due in July).
Don't give up and try not to get down. Support each other and keep trying. You'll have your precious and amazing little bundle of joy in no time.
My wife miscarried twice before we finally had our daughter (who is happy and healthy--knock wood--and almost two). And she miscarried again a few months ago before her current pregnancy (which is going to be our last and is due in July).
Don't give up and try not to get down. Support each other and keep trying. You'll have your precious and amazing little bundle of joy in no time.
DCharlie
And even i am moderately surprised
really sorry to hear of your loss , OP.
I know this doesn't bring you much comfort but it's surprisingly common (unfortunately)
We lost our first fairly early- we hadn't actually even thought about a second kid but once the idea had settled in it was something we both realised we wanted. So to lose the child was a blow.
We tried again, and again, something similar happened but much later in the pregnancy. My wife had to go through what was effectively an abortion procedure and it broke both of us. We decided we couldn't go through that again....
... then she got pregnant for the third time (well, excluding our first kid, this was our second) and I had to go to the UK for a funeral. She called me up in tears to tell me that during her usual check up she had been informed we'd once again lost the baby.
She went to our usual Tokyo hospital but... quite against what we'd come to expect, the fetus was declared healthy. See - that's where things start to go ... wrong. My wife's body was trying to reject - so she spent several months in hospital pumped full of drugs to stop her body rejecting. Then we were given the news that the child had an extremely high chance of having Downs or other deformities, especially as lung/heart development was so far behind. So my wife got more drugs pumped into her - steroids for the kid to develop so we could deliver. Another c-section after 6 months of horror and we had our second kid.
All in all, just an horrific experience, but worth it in the end. I would never be so presumptuous to suggest "never give up" - it was the worst period of my life - but know that every bad turn doesn't mean that every turn will be bad.
I know this doesn't bring you much comfort but it's surprisingly common (unfortunately)
We lost our first fairly early- we hadn't actually even thought about a second kid but once the idea had settled in it was something we both realised we wanted. So to lose the child was a blow.
We tried again, and again, something similar happened but much later in the pregnancy. My wife had to go through what was effectively an abortion procedure and it broke both of us. We decided we couldn't go through that again....
... then she got pregnant for the third time (well, excluding our first kid, this was our second) and I had to go to the UK for a funeral. She called me up in tears to tell me that during her usual check up she had been informed we'd once again lost the baby.
She went to our usual Tokyo hospital but... quite against what we'd come to expect, the fetus was declared healthy. See - that's where things start to go ... wrong. My wife's body was trying to reject - so she spent several months in hospital pumped full of drugs to stop her body rejecting. Then we were given the news that the child had an extremely high chance of having Downs or other deformities, especially as lung/heart development was so far behind. So my wife got more drugs pumped into her - steroids for the kid to develop so we could deliver. Another c-section after 6 months of horror and we had our second kid.
All in all, just an horrific experience, but worth it in the end. I would never be so presumptuous to suggest "never give up" - it was the worst period of my life - but know that every bad turn doesn't mean that every turn will be bad.
- Status
Similar threads
- Locked