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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond

I have no idea how you're able to date multiple girls at all. After two I start to forget which stories I heard/told to who. Forgetting schools, pets' names, etc, ain't a good look.

They're all different enough that it won't be an issue. Also, the slate of quality this round is ridiculous. And I'm really vibing with two of them; the third's a bit harder to gauge, but we text infrequently (as we should) and basically respond the following day to messages. But she's down for drinks, desserts, and Pokémon.

Seriously, guys, set up Pokédates.
 

Salamando

Member
They're all different enough that it won't be an issue. Also, the slate of quality this round is ridiculous. And I'm really vibing with two of them; the third's a bit harder to gauge, but we text infrequently (as we should) and basically respond the following day to messages. But she's down for drinks, desserts, and Pokémon.

Seriously, guys, set up Pokédates.

"Different enough" might be my problem. I end up dating a lot of Pitt grad students who have dogs.

Actually disabled my OKC profile last weekend. Things are going well enough with this one girl, that while we aren't committed to each other yet, it could easily head that way.
 
Just sounds like she wanted followers, Will.

Oh don't worry, I got that haha already removed her and unfollowed. Probably am gonna delete my account and get some new pictures before I try again.

In general I'm just trying not force anything right now I guess, sucks to not be dating (not that I ever even have) but I'm also just glad I feel great mentally, me from a couple years ago would be getting way too bumbed out over little stuff like this.
 

stn

Member
There's no changing her mind it seems but lesson learned: tone down aggressiveness and pay more attention to body language when a girl says she's shy outright.
Strongly disagree. Don't change your approach because some are uncomfortable with it. That's their problem, not yours. As long as you're polite, civil, and not intruding space forcibly, maintain a focused and aggressive approach. Because being passive will get you the same result.

Don't text her, she made up her mind. On to the next one!
 
Strongly disagree. Don't change your approach because some are uncomfortable with it. That's their problem, not yours. As long as you're polite, civil, and not intruding space forcibly, maintain a focused and aggressive approach. Because being passive will get you the same result.

Don't text her, she made up her mind. On to the next one!

Agreed 100%. Be your true, authentic self, whatever that is. If it's aggressive, then that's what it is. When there's dissonance between who you are and what you're trying to be, you enter the realm of creepy and awkward.
 
Strongly disagree. Don't change your approach because some are uncomfortable with it. That's their problem, not yours. As long as you're polite, civil, and not intruding space forcibly, maintain a focused and aggressive approach. Because being passive will get you the same result.

Don't text her, she made up her mind. On to the next one!

I agree, as well. Also, I've been with plenty of girls who act outwardly shy but respond to the same behavior you did. Just because this girl wasn't down with it doesn't mean you did anything wrong.
 

bluethree

Member
Strongly disagree. Don't change your approach because some are uncomfortable with it. That's their problem, not yours. As long as you're polite, civil, and not intruding space forcibly, maintain a focused and aggressive approach. Because being passive will get you the same result.

Don't text her, she made up her mind. On to the next one!

when dating age ot6 is eventually made, the OP should include something like this IMO
 
Lol, tried Tinder again since last week, no match for 3 days and the few matchs I got won't even respond, I guess my photos are really bad. What kind of photos should I use and what kind of profile should I write ?
 

Salamando

Member
Lol, tried Tinder again since last week, no match for 3 days and the few matchs I got won't even respond, I guess my photos are really bad. What kind of photos should I use and what kind of profile should I write ?

Good: Pics with pets, pics of you doing activities, pics of you with friends (with their faces photoshopped out)

Bad: More than one selfie, pics with a crappy camera, pics more than 2'ish years old.

You're selling yourself, so put some effort in, dammit. If there's some strong aspect of your personality you want to convey, take a pic of you related to it. Take as many pics as you can. Pick only the very best ones.

"Oh, but I'm not a big pictures person"

Become one. Bribe a friend with beer if you need someone to take your pics. A true bro will have no qualms helping you meet a girl.

Your profile text is like 10% of the battle. Just don't be overtly racist. Maybe follow AD's advice and put down "# Pokeballs wasted on Zubats = 200"
 
Good: Pics with pets, pics of you doing activities, pics of you with friends (with their faces photoshopped out)

Bad: More than one selfie, pics with a crappy camera, pics more than 2'ish years old.

You're selling yourself, so put some effort in, dammit. If there's some strong aspect of your personality you want to convey, take a pic of you related to it. Take as many pics as you can. Pick only the very best ones.

"Oh, but I'm not a big pictures person"

Become one. Bribe a friend with beer if you need someone to take your pics. A true bro will have no qualms helping you meet a girl.

Your profile text is like 10% of the battle. Just don't be overtly racist. Maybe follow AD's advice and put down "# Pokeballs wasted on Zubats = 200"

It's really weird to ask a friend but I guess I'll try that, thanks
 

cabot

Member
Salamando's guide is good, but I'd add one more point. Have at least 1 photo (probably your main) showing at least 3/4s of your body, if not all of it.

All of it is tricky because Tinder has annoying ratio crops.
 
It's only as weird as you're making it out to be. "Hey, I'm on Tinder. Can you take a picture of me for my profile?" Done.

Or when you're doing something with said friends, take photos or have them take some of you. Like humanity has been doing since the invention of portable cameras. It's not weird at all, in fact it's less weird than ever.
 

Jhoan

Member
They're all different enough that it won't be an issue. Also, the slate of quality this round is ridiculous. And I'm really vibing with two of them; the third's a bit harder to gauge, but we text infrequently (as we should) and basically respond the following day to messages. But she's down for drinks, desserts, and Pokémon.

Seriously, guys, set up Pokédates.
Hahaha, Pokédates are the future it seems that it's taking over geocaching. I'll keep that in mind in the future.

Strongly disagree. Don't change your approach because some are uncomfortable with it. That's their problem, not yours. As long as you're polite, civil, and not intruding space forcibly, maintain a focused and aggressive approach. Because being passive will get you the same result.

Don't text her, she made up her mind. On to the next one!

Agreed 100%. Be your true, authentic self, whatever that is. If it's aggressive, then that's what it is. When there's dissonance between who you are and what you're trying to be, you enter the realm of creepy and awkward.

I agree, as well. Also, I've been with plenty of girls who act outwardly shy but respond to the same behavior you did. Just because this girl wasn't down with it doesn't mean you did anything wrong.
Yeah, you guys are right. My brother told me that that I did nothing wrong because I was being myself in the end of the day when I told him how it went after I got home and if she didn't like it, then that was on her. There was a point where she felt uncomfortable and said told me to stop such so I backed off for the rest of the subway ride home.

I told a friend afterwards that I'm not OKC to meet new friends so I answered my own question. If I like a girl I'm out with, I'll touch playfully and lightly to express my interest. I mean, I got mixed signals from her because she wasn't sure if she wanted to make out and when we did, it was bad and then she touched me from time to time.

She was very indecisive with her actions which was a bit frustrating in retrospect. If anything this date made me realize how far I've come in developing as a person since I used to be super meek and insecure before I started working at conventions and volunteering in addition to hitting the gym.

In any case, I deleted her number and texts and her messages on OKC so that's that. Plus the chances of me running into her in the neighborhood are super low. Thanks guys!
 
Good job, Jhoan.

The biggest problem that I've seen throughout this entire thread and my own personal misadventures is that people never bother to ask whether the person they're pursuing is actually a good fit for them. For instance, I don't think you'd be well-suited to be with a meek, passive girl. And her ideal match is probably someone with a more conservative personality.

Additionally, while "fake it 'til you make it" is sometimes sound advice, it's not universally applicable. It really is about being the best version of yourself.
 

Lulubop

Member
Good job, Jhoan.

The biggest problem that I've seen throughout this entire thread and my own personal misadventures is that people never bother to ask whether the person they're pursuing is actually a good fit for them. For instance, I don't think you'd be well-suited to be with a meek, passive girl. And her ideal match is probably someone with a more conservative personality.

Additionally, while "fake it 'til you make it" is sometimes sound advice, it's not universally applicable. It really is about being the best version of yourself.

Right. My biggest take away from someone not wanting to seeing me again is that I'm attractive. Through it may not be the actual case, it always is in my wrapped mind. Nothing to do with compatibility or anything. Then ai start to wonder if I actually look like my pics, and it's a spiral. I really shouldn't be like this. I do very well, but 1 bad date is such a mood and confidence swinger.
 

MMarston

Was getting caught part of your plan?
Fuck it, I'm probably gonna quit Tinder at least for now


I got way in too deep with this one match for an incredibly significant amount of time like deep enough to make a detailed and not-so-subtle post about it in another thread , but it didn't work out(small good news update: she responded back with a short but acceptable closer of sorts). What makes it sting more was that person ended up having the best chemistry I've had with someone in a long time too.

That said, it's not an issue of self-esteem but just motivation coming off of that. I've ended up just phoning it in with several other matches (and of course, the odd number of people who just never chime back as always). It's gonna wear off eventually, but I'm worn out at this point.
 
Wouldn't you know it...the girl I dated last -- the one who kissed me while we watched a movie at her place, then ghosted me -- is on Tinder. She came up as one of my first matches.

I swiped right to see what happens and to give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm not getting my hopes up, though, and have already deleted her off of social media.
 

Scotch

Member
Wouldn't you know it...the girl I dated last -- the one who kissed me while we watched a movie at her place, then ghosted me -- is on Tinder. She came up as one of my first matches.

I swiped right to see what happens and to give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm not getting my hopes up, though, and have already deleted her off of social media.

Why would you want to see someone who ghosted you ever again? Have some self respect, man.
 
Fuck it, I'm probably gonna quit Tinder at least for now


I got way in too deep with this one match for an incredibly significant amount of time like deep enough to make a detailed and not-so-subtle post about it in another thread , but it didn't work out(small good news update: she responded back with a short but acceptable closer of sorts). What makes it sting more was that person ended up having the best chemistry I've had with someone in a long time too.

That said, it's not an issue of self-esteem but just motivation coming off of that. I've ended up just phoning it in with several other matches (and of course, the odd number of people who just never chime back as always). It's gonna wear off eventually, but I'm worn out at this point.

I know that feeling man, cause I left Tinder for a while exactly cause of it. That is the one thing I loathe. The dead silence. It's not that it's abrupt but the completely indecency of not answering. It's kinda like a disdain, like the person isn't worth of being answered. It's fucked up. I never do that shit with anyone.
 
Can you guys please give me some feedback on the new pictures I use?

Quote to get the URL.

The first one I already posted earlier in this thread and this seems to be ok. How about the other two? Any suggestions?
(and yes, I know that the tie knot is lousy)
 

GK86

Homeland Security Fail
I like the middle one. It came out nice as a black and white. And you look handsome/sharp.

I wouldn't use the third one. Not that you look bad, you look good. But I would avoid photos that have women in them. Some women hate it for whatever reason.
 
Can you guys please give me some feedback on the new pictures I use?

Quote to get the URL.

The first one I already posted earlier in this thread and this seems to be ok. How about the other two? Any suggestions?
(and yes, I know that the tie knot is lousy)

I'd like #2 better if you were smiling. You're doing the smirk I used to do in every photo. Even if you think you look silly smiling, I can almost guarantee you'll look better.

Also, a photo of you looking off to the side, not directly at the camera, is apparently a good thing to have.

Yeah, 3rd one with arm on another faceless woman isn't great. I think you look good in that photo, though.
 

MMarston

Was getting caught part of your plan?
I know that feeling man, cause I left Tinder for a while exactly cause of it. That is the one thing I loathe. The dead silence. It's not that it's abrupt but the completely indecency of not answering. It's kinda like a disdain, like the person isn't worth of being answered. It's fucked up. I never do that shit with anyone.
Funny but sad thing is we stopped talking on Tinder the first week we knew each other and had been using Messenger. Also, I luckily got to go out with her more than once which was great.

Yet, that just makes the burn feel a lot worse. Had I not gotten a response back would've left me genuinely more upset than I am now so at least she actually said something.
 
Thanks a lot for the feedback.

Yes, I was thinking about cutting off the other people on the third pic. It's the dating picture conundrum. You have to show that you are social, but not too social with other women...
 
The tinder app is definitely annoying in how it works, deleted my account and made a new one. I now have 10+ matches (WAY more than i ever had within the first two days the first time I made one), I wasn't getting anything new really as of late before deleting. And I swear I'd never seen any of these people ever pop up before.
 
Why would you want to see someone who ghosted you ever again? Have some self respect, man.

I don't know. I have a problem. I can't stop thinking about her.

Things went so well during the first date and I got my hopes up. I like to think that she's just had a lot going on.
 

Jhoan

Member
I don't know. I have a problem. I can't stop thinking about her.

Things went so well during the first date and I got my hopes up. I like to think that she's just had a lot going on.
3eHiwYT.gif

For someone who's aware of his problems/his living situation, you sure don't learn from past experiences. If a girl ghosts you after after a first date, she doesn't deserve a second chance regardless of what platform she's on. It's foolish to hope that you will reconnect. The fact that you fell for her after one date is telling.

Quick update on the post count in this thread of the 100+ club. It seems that davepoobond continues to hold his lead but Lulubop is quickly catching up. I don't think there needs to be a second Online Dating OT once this one is said and done on account of a new Dating-Age quickly approaching soon. I'm surprised I post so much in this thread! It's been a hell of a ride. Too bad gaiges posts more actively in the Dating-Age thread these days since more women's perspectives would be appreciated.

Code:
Who Posted? Total Posts: 11,954
User Name	Posts
davepoobond	481
Lulubop	455
Jhoan	359 (+1)
Salamando	340
GK86	338
OCDChewie	325
Advocatus Diaboli	308
SRG01	301
Lone_Prodigy	283
gaiages	283
Palpable	276
stn	249
Symphonia	229
Gray Matter	228
Smiley90	215
Assanova	187
Jokab	187
Rest	174
backslashbunny	170
ZackieChan	138
Leeness	134
GrizzNKev	123
y2dvd	121
freshair	112
NoctisVsStar	110
Llyranor	109
AcridMeat	108
BIGWORM	107
NotTheGuyYouKill	106
Kyne	104
Fallout-NL	104
ReturnOfTheRAT	100
 

gwailo

Banned
I don't know. I have a problem. I can't stop thinking about her.

Things went so well during the first date and I got my hopes up. I like to think that she's just had a lot going on.

It takes 30 seconds to send a text/message. No one is that busy.

I posted this in the other thread, but it bears repeating: Just because you have a good date with someone, it does not give them license to treat you like shit. Time is a valuable resource; you shouldn't have people in your life that don't respect yours.

You seem to develop something even more than clinginess/neediness way too early, it is almost dependency on these people you barely know.

Meeting women and going on dates is a great step forward - in that respect, you are far ahead of some in these dating threads - but you cannot expect these people to complete or fix you. That is a disservice to both of you.
 

JDHarbs

Member
I met this girl on OKC earlier this summer and I like her a lot. I asked her out quick, but it turned out she was leaving town for an internship so we couldn't meet up until she got back.

Anyway, that was just over a month ago and we've been texting each other for hours almost every night since. We seem to get along great, and she says she's excited to see me. She's back in town in a couple of weeks and we've been making a list of things to do when she gets here, but here's the catch: she goes to school out of state and will be leaving again so we'll only be able to hang out for a month. On the other hand, this will also allow for a clean break if things go south.

Both her and I have had really bad luck with dating so I think we're both enjoying the companionship a lot right now, but we'll see how things go when she's here. If it goes well, I'd be willing to wait for her to get back and pick things up where we leave off, but I'm nervous as hell about some of the things she wants to go do. I'm an introvert who is very uncomfortable with social gatherings (especially dancing ones) while she is just turning 21 and wants to go clubbing and to bars for the first time. I straight up told her that those places just aren't for me, and she tried to assure me not to worry and that these aren't things she was going to do often. She just wants to try them out now that she can. That made me relived, but I feel like if she goes and enjoys them then I'll be right back in the same situation again every time she wants to go.

Am I just being a chicken shit who needs to man up and go with her, or do I stand my ground and hope she respects it?
 

Jhoan

Member
I met this girl on OKC earlier this summer and I like her a lot. I asked her out quick, but it turned out she was leaving town for an internship so we couldn't meet up until she got back.

Anyway, that was just over a month ago and we've been texting each other for hours almost every night since. We seem to get along great, and she says she's excited to see me. She's back in town in a couple of weeks and we've been making a list of things to do when she gets here, but here's the catch: she goes to school out of state and will be leaving again so we'll only be able to hang out for a month. On the other hand, this will also allow for a clean break if things go south.

Both her and I have had really bad luck with dating so I think we're both enjoying the companionship a lot right now, but we'll see how things go when she's here. If it goes well, I'd be willing to wait for her to get back and pick things up where we leave off, but I'm nervous as hell about some of the things she wants to go do. I'm an introvert who is very uncomfortable with social gatherings (especially dancing ones) while she is just turning 21 and wants to go clubbing and to bars for the first time. I straight up told her that those places just aren't for me, and she tried to assure me not to worry and that these aren't things she was going to do often. She just wants to try them out now that she can. That made me relived, but I feel like if she goes and enjoys them then I'll be right back in the same situation again every time she wants to go.

Am I just being a chicken shit who needs to man up and go with her, or do I stand my ground and hope she respects it?
First of all, I don't believe in the term "man up" since that's a societal construct. If you think about it fundamentally, does it even mean to be a man?

That being said, you're only 21 man. As someone in his late 20s, I strongly encourage you to go out and take risks so you can become a better person in the long run and become comfortable in those situations. Start tackling the uncomfortable instead of running away from it. I say this as an introverted person with some extroverted traits.

I was at a boat concert last night for work stuff and while it's not my cup of tea, I took something away from it because I got a nice view of the city, got in for free, and met other peeps working for the start up I work for. I was also with my brother. Since you would be going to clubbing together, that makes it easier for you. Enjoy the ride.

Also, I would advise not to wait for her to return from school once she goes back and continue dating other girls. If you're still in college, get involved with some student organizations to meet new people e.g. student government or a salsa club.
 

gwailo

Banned
Both her and I have had really bad luck with dating so I think we're both enjoying the companionship a lot right now

You haven't even met her yet, all these grand plans might go out the window within a couple of minutes of each other. You need to pump the brakes a bit and like Jhoan said try meeting other people. This will sound harsh, but I think you're both using this as a crutch in the place of a real relationship. TBH spending hours texting someone every day is a bad idea in general (it's disposable interaction without any real human connection) much less someone who in the best case scenario will be a LDR.
 

davepoobond

you can't put a price on sparks
For someone who's aware of his problems/his living situation, you sure don't learn from past experiences. If a girl ghosts you after after a first date, she doesn't deserve a second chance regardless of what platform she's on. It's foolish to hope that you will reconnect. The fact that you fell for her after one date is telling.

Quick update on the post count in this thread of the 100+ club. It seems that davepoobond continues to hold his lead but Lulubop is quickly catching up. I don't think there needs to be a second Online Dating OT once this one is said and done on account of a new Dating-Age quickly approaching soon. I'm surprised I post so much in this thread! It's been a hell of a ride. Too bad gaiges posts more actively in the Dating-Age thread these days since more women's perspectives would be appreciated.

Code:
Who Posted? Total Posts: 11,954
User Name	Posts
davepoobond	481
Lulubop	455
Jhoan	359 (+1)
Salamando	340
GK86	338
OCDChewie	325
Advocatus Diaboli	308
SRG01	301
Lone_Prodigy	283
gaiages	283
Palpable	276
stn	249
Symphonia	229
Gray Matter	228
Smiley90	215
Assanova	187
Jokab	187
Rest	174
backslashbunny	170
ZackieChan	138
Leeness	134
GrizzNKev	123
y2dvd	121
freshair	112
NoctisVsStar	110
Llyranor	109
AcridMeat	108
BIGWORM	107
NotTheGuyYouKill	106
Kyne	104
Fallout-NL	104
ReturnOfTheRAT	100


heh, i'm surprised i'm still #1. i more or less quit seriously trying to do online dating since that crazy date i had last year.
 

JDHarbs

Member

Thanks guys. I'm trying my best to stay as detached as I can. I know the evidence doesn't exactly suggest that though.

She's been the one initiating almost all of our conversations, and I've been waiting awhile before responding most of the time. Some days I tell her I'm working and can't chat. We're still texting a lot though which I should continue to pull back on.

I feel like I'm the one who is moving our conversations along after she starts them which concerns me. She doesn't ask me much other than what I've been up to everyday. That plus the fact that she won't be around long is making me feel like this likely won't work out, but I can't be sure until we start spending time together. I'm just killing time until then I guess.
 
I don't know. I have a problem. I can't stop thinking about her.

Things went so well during the first date and I got my hopes up. I like to think that she's just had a lot going on.

I know you always ignore my replies to you, but have you taken any advice anyone else in this thread has given?
 
So ever since I deleted my account and reinstalled my tinder app I've gotten 16 actual matches in the past 2 days.... like what??? First time I ever tried the app it took me like 2 weeks to get 5 "real" matches. Even had some really great conversations more so than when I had my first account.

So I guess if anyone here has a tinder but is no longer getting anything, just delete your account and try again I guess?
 

the1npc

Member
decided to use tinder again and start chatting with this cute girl, she tells me she wants to meet up....then says btw im actually 17. LOL NOPEEE

I have pretty bad luck aha. The best is not to take this shit to serious, sure Id love for something to work out for me but its not the end of the world
 

MMarston

Was getting caught part of your plan?
So I decided to have one last go at the Tinder before what I thought was gonna be deleting my account when suddenly I got matched with seven people in a span of 4 hours.


Welp, might as well give it a shot. If none of these people respond back though, I'm killing it for good.
 
I sent a really nice seeming girl a message tonight, and I hope that she will reply.

I know you always ignore my replies to you, but have you taken any advice anyone else in this thread has given?

I've tried to. I swear.

I just have such low self esteem, such bad depression and deal with awful loneliness...that I find myself repeating the same bad behaviour.
 

Razilez

Member
Having been doing this for a few months now, the online dating scene can be very daunting but the main thing is confidence. Rejection is a hard thing to accept but you've got to be optimistic that there's someone out there who'll think the world of you, flaws and all. Learn to love who you are and what you have to offer, you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. Going in with a mindset that tells you you can't attract someone is going in with a defeatist attitude, it's all about turning that way of thinking around.

Of course it's a chore trying to find someone, I'm still trying to but these things take time. I know my own worth and I know what I can offer, and I believe someone will see that and think "this is who I want". Time and time again I would speak to a girl and think things are going well only for it to do a u-turn but I accept that and move on. Getting down on yourself will only hurt you, and you know what you have to offer. Also don't be what someone wants you to be, be what you want to be. Changing yourself to make someone interested in you is only going to backfire. If the person you like believes in something and you don't then don't say you do, no point in lying about it.

On the other hand it's difficult to let someone down who's connected with you but you yourself no longer feel that connection. There was one girl who really liked me but I just couldn't continue it and we were both very upset. I'm confident she's found someone or is on the path to finding someone else, much like I'm on the path to do so.

Also try to enjoy life outside of meeting someone. If you can enjoy your own company that's excellent, you're not relying on others to make you feel good. Whether it's sitting in and enjoying a film or video game or taking a scenic walk, just do you first! And it's great to spend time with friends also, be in others company and enjoy having good times. Hobbies are a great way to enjoy activities with friends, or being in here reading and discussing topics you're interested in.

I may not be any closer to finding someone but I'm certainly not down about it :)
 
Managed to fenagle a date this Wednesday aha. I'm not crazy into her... she's not in or interested in college yet I'm omw to grad school, but I figured I'd give it a shot ya know?
 
My depressed friend -- who I went on those two dates with -- has been texting me off and on, including late at night when she and I can't sleep. She hasn't been doing too well (not that I've been great), and texted me today saying that she had a bottle of vodka and a whole bunch of pills.

She wouldn't tell me where she was, because she knew I'd call an ambulance, but I talked her into coming over because I was home alone. She did, we got some Chinese food which she'd been craving, and we talked/watched a movie and TV.

While here, she texted her mom to tell her what happened and relayed a thank you to me. She also thanked me for saving her life when she left. I feel good, but I didn't do it for me, although the worrying thing is that it's only a stop gap.

I didn't make any sort of a move, not this time or last time.
 
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