Wake up hungover and tired yet somehow physically wake myself up before my alarm goes off with the subtle thoughts of why I'm alive and why I hate everything that is morning.
Silently ninja into the bathroom to take 2-3 rabbit like shits as for some reason I can't take one so it's a delicate dance of poop....think I'm done, ready to brush my tee.....here comes number two.....and so on.
By about the second or third completion I'm ready to start my morning with a spark of creativity
Bush the teeth
Now less hateful of the world, sing and dance a few shower jigs on my way to cleanliness (Cruel Cruel World is a regular)
Dry off as my 3 cats furiously contend for the toilet seat so that I may scratch their chin while I dry off
Get dressed as I still do my best to avoid any human contact at the earliest possibility as my wife wakes up the happiest person in the world and me completely the opposite her happiness grates on my evil-morning-loathing
Drive to work with my morning Monster drink as I tell my coworkers if it wasn't for all that sugar I wouldn't be so sweet to them.