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Why does losing a pet hit so hard?
- Thread starter pramod
- Start date
RJMacready73
Simps for Amouranth
You only had the cat a year ffs, man up lad.. I had my cat near 15yrs, probably another 2yrs left in her but she started for some reason shitting on our bed, can't be having that.. down to the vets for a quick shot and she's now resting peacefully in our garden.. I'm not a total heartless bastard I did shed tear or two then got over it
mitch1971
Member
From OP's posts, their reasoning seems to have gone from: Had to get rid because of the wife, to later admitting he didn't want to take care of it for the rest of it's life. Narrative change or what!
01011001
Banned
it's very much instinct.
you find cats cute,
finding something cute is an evolutionary trade that we have, it's part of our instinct to protect our offspring.
this is also why things we find cute usually have traits in common with infants.
proportionally large heads, big eyes, round and puffy looking features, curious and less funny behaviour.
so basically, if you have a pet cat, the same instinct that makes you care and love a child kicks in.
and of course you don't want to lose your child.
of course it's less strong in these cases usually because you can rationalize parts of that instinct away, but that feeling is still there.
you find cats cute,
finding something cute is an evolutionary trade that we have, it's part of our instinct to protect our offspring.
this is also why things we find cute usually have traits in common with infants.
proportionally large heads, big eyes, round and puffy looking features, curious and less funny behaviour.
so basically, if you have a pet cat, the same instinct that makes you care and love a child kicks in.
and of course you don't want to lose your child.
of course it's less strong in these cases usually because you can rationalize parts of that instinct away, but that feeling is still there.
TheDreadBaron
Member
Cats are really smart, was probably trying to signal something to you, did you ever get the cat checked out by the vet before you had it killed? I had a cat that would poop outside the litter box a lot, turns out it had a health issue that could be corrected. Im surprised that you’d freely admit you killed your pet because it became too annoying. I hate cat shit just like the next guy, but that’s pretty cold buddy.
Did you explain to the vet that you wanted them to kill an animal just because it displeased you, not because it was dying as an act of mercy? A pet is not an object you can just throw away when you’re bored of it. Did you shed a tear because you felt what a betrayal it was?
Revolutionary
Member
I've got cat allergies and I adopted a cat last year (some jerk abandoned him). Do the allergies get annoying sometimes? Absolutely. But I've already fallen in love with the little dude, and he gets along great with my aging dog so we're happy to have him with us. *sneezes*
Grildon Tundy
Member
Not to mention Toxoplasmosis, the parasite you can get from cats, that very well might make you more likely to love cats. The science is still out, but could explain the phenomenon of "cat ladies".
Right?Cats are really smart, was probably trying to signal something to you, did you ever get the cat checked out by the vet before you had it killed? I had a cat that would poop outside the litter box a lot, turns out it had a health issue that could be corrected. Im surprised that you’d freely admit you killed your pet because it became too annoying. I hate cat shit just like the next guy, but that’s pretty cold buddy.
Davey Cakes
Member
Yeah. Maybe it's weird, but I grieved more for my cats than I did for human family members. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Unconditional love is kind of a hard loss, y'know? My cats were dependent on me, my brother, and my mother. They were our responsibility. So, when they passed it felt like we failed them in a way that just doesn't register the same for humans. I've never beat myself up over the death of any human, but the only time I ever approached a panic attack was after one of my cats passed away in 2020. I was absolutely overwhelmed during the bargaining phase of grief.
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RJMacready73
Simps for Amouranth
Lol it was old af and before you accuse me off being a heartless cunt (tbf I don't blame you from my post lol), know this when I went to a cat shelter to pick a cat, I was brought to a room full of friendly kittens and ended up taking home the one that hid and was the runt, this cat took ages to even acknowledge my existence, we used to joke I had picked the autistic cat but I give it a good home for many years and got approximately sweet fuck all from it, the most I got was a walk over for a pat on the head and then it would slink away. The last year or two it got real old real quick, it found it difficult to get up and walked slow and uneven. When I took it to the vet, they agreed with my assessment that it was better to put it down than to prolong it's life and put up with it shitting everywhere.Cats are really smart, was probably trying to signal something to you, did you ever get the cat checked out by the vet before you had it killed? I had a cat that would poop outside the litter box a lot, turns out it had a health issue that could be corrected. Im surprised that you’d freely admit you killed your pet because it became too annoying. I hate cat shit just like the next guy, but that’s pretty cold buddy.
My other cat is the total opposite, it sits with you, acknowledges your presence and likes to be played with, actually looking to get another cat so this one has a buddy as the last cat would leave the room when this one came in lol
TheDreadBaron
Member
Well you said yourself it had more years in it, but it was just old and gross to you and you were done with it so you killed it. Hope that never happens to you!
RJMacready73
Simps for Amouranth
Yeah 2yrs of keeping an old cat around that shits and pisses everywhere... It's a fucking cat, not a human you clampett
Mr Reasonable
Completely Unreasonable
Not to try and make people feel bad, but I'd never be able to give our cat up. Partly because when we adopted her, I feel like we took the responsibility to look after her long term. We made sure she was insured immediately in case she got sick, make sure we're around to keep her company and so on. But also, it's taken a few years, but it's obvious that she cares about us, more my girlfriend than me most of the time, but she will now come sit on me while I watch TV and will spend a good amount of the day when I'm working from home with me. I don't think it'd be fair to her to give her up now that she's invested in us if it became inconvenient to have a pet, etc.
Mr Reasonable
Completely Unreasonable
nvm
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Sleepwalker
Member
My dog passed in 2019, he was only 4. He was poisoned by a negligent VET who gave him a really high dose of deworming medicine. It still really hurts a lot, they are part of the family and your unconditional friend.
My brothers dog died a few months ago, he was 12, passed naturally. It still hurt but not as much knowing he lived a long happy life for dog standards.
We have a 3 year old dog right now and love her a lot, I know it will terrible the day she leaves us, but I can't see myself not having a pet for the rest of my life as the hurt that comes when they depart is easily outshone by the happiness they bring along.
I'm sorry OP, you'll feel better eventually, and yes they are a big responsibility. If you didn't feel you were in a good place for taking care of her for life, you made a responsible decision to pass her along to someone who will.
My brothers dog died a few months ago, he was 12, passed naturally. It still hurt but not as much knowing he lived a long happy life for dog standards.
We have a 3 year old dog right now and love her a lot, I know it will terrible the day she leaves us, but I can't see myself not having a pet for the rest of my life as the hurt that comes when they depart is easily outshone by the happiness they bring along.
I'm sorry OP, you'll feel better eventually, and yes they are a big responsibility. If you didn't feel you were in a good place for taking care of her for life, you made a responsible decision to pass her along to someone who will.
chromhound
Member
My dog is like my son. I could never
Azurro
Banned
If you are in this much pain, it just means you've had a blessed life and nothing worse has come to you.
Edit: I don't mean this in a derogatory way, or anything like that. I am just saying you have been incredibly lucky, it's a good thing.
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JonahHillThisAintIt.gif
Same.I dont....sneeze....care...sneeze.
Same. Same reasons as well.
Or it could mean....stay with me here.....that he lost something he loved deeply and theres a steep emotional cost to that.
Azurro
Banned
I love my pets. But that's what they are, pets. It's not your mom, or your brother or your sister. The culture of pretending a cat or a dog is a child is very strange to me, it's a pet.
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Love is love. Its not about whether the object of that love in worthy of it or not. That doesnt determine our response to its permanant absense.
LaughingStock
Member
A pet is like a child in the sense that they are innocent and need you. But unlike a child, they'll always need you.
It's sad when they die. But the vacuum they leave behind isn't the same as a human's.
I have a friend, who's in his fifties, he lost his cat last week and told us it was "the saddest day of his life"
And I thought "If you're in your fifties and the saddest thing you ever experienced was your cat dying, then you had a very good privileged life."
I love my cats. One of them, the one I like the most, is ill and I bet he'll die before the end of this year. I'll cry like a little girl.
But that's life. At least I'll have less expenses with vet and medications.
It's sad when they die. But the vacuum they leave behind isn't the same as a human's.
I have a friend, who's in his fifties, he lost his cat last week and told us it was "the saddest day of his life"
And I thought "If you're in your fifties and the saddest thing you ever experienced was your cat dying, then you had a very good privileged life."
I love my cats. One of them, the one I like the most, is ill and I bet he'll die before the end of this year. I'll cry like a little girl.
But that's life. At least I'll have less expenses with vet and medications.
Azurro
Banned
"Love is love"? People like to use phrases for the sound byte but I feel they don't understand the concepts they describe.
A pet is great, but they are far simpler creatures, they can't actually understand your emotions or thought processes, they don't have the complexity of people because they are not humans. We all love our pets, but are they even capable of loving us back? Are they even conscious enough to have that kind of though? Again, I'm not trying to shit on OP, I'm glad that this is the saddest he's ever been, because that means he's blessed and I'm happy he has had that kind of experience, and not having your pet around sucks.
However, going from that, to equating the type of endearment pets provide us to actual, human love is insulting to real people.
Punished Miku
Gold Member
100%. I feel like a lot of people don't pay enough attention to their pets and their individual personalities, or attempts at communication. They aren't flies or amoeba. They literally play for entertainment, know when it's time to eat and remember complex routines. We were out of town and had a friend drop by to feed our cats and they were acting massively differently because they weren't familiar with who they were. They sleep with us in the same spot every day. They literally cuddle with us and lick our faces and purr. Animal psychology is obviously different. They have instincts to hunt and run and explore, and guard territory, but they still absolutely have complex thought.
And if you ever wanted to get even deeper into it, you would have to delve deeply into the themes of NieR Automata and its exploration of the pointlessness of life. Are machines real? Are sentiment machines more valuable than humans because they're infinitely smarter? Are humans inherently valued or just a biological machine? What is the point of living? What is the point of anything? At the end the game ends with the theme that love has to still matter, as you sacrifice yourself and your save file to help a complete stranger. Even though objectively we can look at the universe and not really see much beyond pure moral relativism and a pointless void of existence that doesn't change anything, we're all hard wired to value that connection and it has to mean something. Pets are 100% capable of making that same connection, and actually are almost better at it.
Animals have been respected, worshipped, valued and admired throughout all of human history. Our connection to them and nature in general is now weaker than ever if people think that they're worthless and disposable trinkets for entertainment.
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badblue
Member
Don't you think the emotional bond a person can have with their pets means anything?
pleaseinsertdisctwo
Member
That poor cat… you should have thrown your wife away not the cat
pleaseinsertdisctwo
Member
I lost my dog a year and a half ago and it hit me harder than when I lost my dad. I still have dreams/nightmares involving her quite frequently.
It’s even harder because there’s less support from society over the loss of a pet since it’s “just a pet.”
But after my dad passed away my dog was genuinely my only immediate family member that I had left that I loved. So it was like a piece of my heart was permanently ripped out.
pleaseinsertdisctwo
Member
It’s family. They’re completely innocent from the moment they’re born to the moment they die. And they’re living beings just like us. Not everyone devalues things like you. I find people like you to be very strange.
There’s actually been research done on your “do they actually love us back?” junk questions, so if you actually cared, you’d know that your assumptions are not true. But you don’t care, you just want an excuse to devalue. Which, whatever. But don’t act like the people that don’t devalue pets are the strange ones, when it’s you that’s strange.
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Fuz
Banned
Piece of shit.
pleaseinsertdisctwo
Member
You are literally bragging about how insignificant your pet was to you. It doesn’t make you sound badass it makes you sound detached and like a sociopath.
I'm sorry OP, but your wife forced you to give away your cat because she didn't like the cat fur? Sorry to say this, but ditch her and get the cat back again.
Despite the common perception of cats being aloof and not attached to their owners (except for wanting food and being let outside) they have feelings and show unconditional love for the people they choose to be their companions (as a cat always chooses it's owner). That cat's going to be as devastated as you are.
I think you need to sit down with you're wife and tell her how you feel about the choice she made you take and the impact it's had on you.
Despite the common perception of cats being aloof and not attached to their owners (except for wanting food and being let outside) they have feelings and show unconditional love for the people they choose to be their companions (as a cat always chooses it's owner). That cat's going to be as devastated as you are.
I think you need to sit down with you're wife and tell her how you feel about the choice she made you take and the impact it's had on you.
RJMacready73
Simps for Amouranth
It does come off a bit cuntish now that you mention it, it was more a counterweight to the OP's overly dramatic post about how his life is in ruins over having to give up a cat he had for a year...
pleaseinsertdisctwo
Member
Ok you never have the right to complain about anything or be sad about anything again because there are starving, diseased children that die alone and young in impoverished countries. They have it worse.
That’s how dumb you guys sound in this thread. Get a clue! It’s not cool to be detached, except maybe to other emotionally stunted dudes. Like that other user said, I hope when you’re older your family doesn’t “cut the cord” a bit early because they’re getting annoyed/bored with you! Doesn’t sound too cool now, does it?
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pramod
Banned
I still think I made the right choice to give her away, but right now I'm having another emotional breakdown because I realized I never really fully vetted the lady I gave the cat too, she seemed like a nice woman and claimed the cat was for her daughter and they will take good care of her. But I tried contacting her the other day just to check up and see if everything is going ok and she didn't reply. I realize I'm probably being a bit paranoid and should just let it go since I've already given her away, but it's eating me up inside worrying what if the cat is getting abused, or worse?
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CrankyJay™
Member
Put my dog down in June. I hadn’t shed a tear at all the weeks knowing it would happen and then in the vets office I completely lost it. Crying so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. Fuck.
No love is just that love. Love is a chemical addiction not some special metaphysical thing that only "really" exists between humans. Love isnt some special thing that humans hold it up to be. Saddness after a death of an animal is similar to drug withdrawals. You woulnt walk into a drug rehab and tell the guests there that there privileged if they think this is bad. What kind of weird gatekeeping is this?
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TheDreadBaron
Member
Sometimes people just aren’t good at getting back to you. It is a little bit of a weird situation, because even if they bonded really well with the cat they don’t necessarily want a relationship with its previous owner, worst case you might want the cat back. My wife was in this same situation as the receiver of the cat, forgot to get back to the original owner when she sent an email, lost the email to time and never got back to her, but the cat has been a cherished member of the family all these years. If you got a good feeling about the lady then it’s probably all good!I still think I made the right choice to give her away, but right now I'm having another emotional breakdown because I realized I never really fully vetted the lady I gave the cat too, she seemed like a nice woman and claimed the cat was for her daughter and they will take good care of her. But I tried contacting her the other day just to check up and see if everything is going ok and she didn't reply. I realize I'm probably being a bit paranoid and should just let it go since I've already given her away, but it's eating me up inside worrying what if the cat is getting abused, or worse?
My Boston Terrier turned 8 April 4th and had a really good check-up earlier this year. I'm hoping that I'll get another 6 years with him, that is the average lifespan. I try not to think about it too much that very likely on the back half of his goofy, energetic, wonderfully grumbly life.
I got him and met my now ex-wife within a couple of weeks of each other in 2015. Having him around really helped me get through my divorce and he enriches my life greatly.
We didn't have children but did have 2 dogs and it was rough when our "family" was broken up. I still get to see hers (she got him in early 2016) from time to time when we watch each other's pups while the other travels.
Pets and dogs are wonderful creatures.
I got him and met my now ex-wife within a couple of weeks of each other in 2015. Having him around really helped me get through my divorce and he enriches my life greatly.
We didn't have children but did have 2 dogs and it was rough when our "family" was broken up. I still get to see hers (she got him in early 2016) from time to time when we watch each other's pups while the other travels.
Pets and dogs are wonderful creatures.
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pleaseinsertdisctwo
Member
What a cutie pie. Thank you so much for sharing this photoWe just put our dog of 14 years down this afternoon. It was very hard, he was such an integral part of our family. We will miss him so much.
pramod
Banned
Yeah she acutally got back to me and its all good so i feel much better now. I probably wont contact her anymore lest she thinks im some sort of psycho lol.Sometimes people just aren’t good at getting back to you. It is a little bit of a weird situation, because even if they bonded really well with the cat they don’t necessarily want a relationship with its previous owner, worst case you might want the cat back. My wife was in this same situation as the receiver of the cat, forgot to get back to the original owner when she sent an email, lost the email to time and never got back to her, but the cat has been a cherished member of the family all these years. If you got a good feeling about the lady then it’s probably all good!
LordOfChaos
Member
Roufianos
Member
Had a really lovely kitten who only lived 9 months due to a heart condition. She died 3 years ago, and it still upset me until today. I had a 17-year-old cat and old(ish) dog pass away last year too, but the fact they lived full lives is a huge comfort at least. Can't imagine what it must be like to lose a child young.
Amory
Member
never had a dog growing up and my wife and I brought our labradoodle home back in march 2021. It’s definitely hard to imagine life without her now.
Dogs are amazing because they don’t have any ulterior motives, they just want to be around you and play. She’s as pure a friend as I’ll ever have.
Dogs are amazing because they don’t have any ulterior motives, they just want to be around you and play. She’s as pure a friend as I’ll ever have.