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[Papa]

Turkey isn't really a thing in Australia but I know you cunts do it every year for Thanksgiving, and I'm a pretty keen cook, so I decided to give it a go. Got a 5 kg bird, brined it for 12 hours, stuffed it with a mix of blitzed up old sourdough, onion and sage, slid a stick of butter under the skin of each breast, smoked it for 5 hours while basting with melted butter every 45 minutes until the internal temp was 65C (149F), then gave it 20 mins in the oven at a high heat to crisp up. Final internal temp after resting was 75C (167F). I believe I did everything right -- the meat was relatively juicy and the skin was crispy but there was just no fucking flavour. What is the point of this stupid bird? Why not just eat chicken?

 

[Maiden Voyage]

Wtf Australia, Kangaroo sucks

Wallaby too.

 

[Cunth]

Agreed. Turkey is shit tier

 

[finowns]

Got to brine it. Although we never do it for thanksgiving.

I do get a portion of turkey breast at the super market and it’s always good.

 

[Papa]

Wtf Australia, Kangaroo sucks

Wallaby too.

That's why we only feed it to our dogs and welfare recipients

 

[Papa]

Got to brine it. Although we never do it for thanksgiving.

I do get a portion of turkey breast at the super market and it’s always good.

brined it for 12 hours

 

[INC]

Wtf Australia, Kangaroo sucks

Wallaby too.

Actually kangeroo is delicious.

Turkey is meeeeeeeeh

 

[Maiden Voyage]

That's why we only feed it to our dogs and welfare recipients

Say that to my face

 

[poodaddy]

Nah. My wife's turkey is the shit dude. I literally feel like someone has to pull me away from it to stop eating. Chicken doesn't compare on any level to the flavor of dark meat turkey, I feel like I'm on crazy pills just trying to imagine how someone could think chicken is better.

Think ya got a bad bird OP.

 

[finowns]

brined it for 12 hours

holy Crap I totally missed that.

 

[Aarbron]

Pissweak Americans. Ostrich is where it's at

 

[Foamy]

Well here in the west we don't have sex with the animals before we eat them.
You may be traumatizing the meat.

 

[A Elbereth Gilthoniel]

Just strap two chickens together. That's basically it.

 

[ipukespiders]

Turkey isn't really a thing in Australia but I know you cunts do it every year for Thanksgiving, and I'm a pretty keen cook, so I decided to give it a go. Got a 5 kg bird, brined it for 12 hours, stuffed it with a mix of blitzed up old sourdough, onion and sage, slid a stick of butter under the skin of each breast, smoked it for 5 hours while basting with melted butter every 45 minutes until the internal temp was 65C (149F), then gave it 20 mins in the oven at a high heat to crisp up. Final internal temp after resting was 75C (167F). I believe I did everything right -- the meat was relatively juicy and the skin was crispy but there was just no fucking flavour. What is the point of this stupid bird? Why not just eat chicken?

Sounds like you did everything wrong.
Congratulations.

 

[Papa]

Sounds like you did everything wrong.
Congratulations.

How do you do it right then cum chump

 

[Papa]

Just strap two chickens together. That's basically it.

I just had an idea. What if I stuff a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey?

 

[Happosai]

Turkey isn't really a thing in Australia but I know you cunts do it every year for Thanksgiving, and I'm a pretty keen cook, so I decided to give it a go. Got a 5 kg bird, brined it for 12 hours, stuffed it with a mix of blitzed up old sourdough, onion and sage, slid a stick of butter under the skin of each breast, smoked it for 5 hours while basting with melted butter every 45 minutes until the internal temp was 65C (149F), then gave it 20 mins in the oven at a high heat to crisp up. Final internal temp after resting was 75C (167F). I believe I did everything right -- the meat was relatively juicy and the skin was crispy but there was just no fucking flavour. What is the point of this stupid bird? Why not just eat chicken?

My last full year living in the U.S. was 2015 and I didn't even celebrate Thanksgiving. It was something I'd do ever 3-years or so; never really got that big into it from my teen years till present. I've always thought the same...I could never stand the taste of turkey. It's bland and the little flavor it has for all that preparation isn't that good. This is another case of people doing things for the sake of "traditions." If it were my tradition I'd serve up a large fish, chicken, or maybe just pull out the grill.

 

[Ikutachi]

Where's the gravy?

 

[Nester99]

It’s just a vehicle for gravy and cranberries.

 

[ipukespiders]

How do you do it right then cum chump

Just cook it in the oven. You overdid the steps. Don't brine or smoke it. We cook one or two turkeys per week.

 

[Amory]

Yeah turkey kinda sucks. Im alright with it once a year, but it's nothing special. It's good for sandwiches.

 

[pennythoughts]

it's overrated

ham is where it's at

that or fry the bird

 

[GoodFriend]

It’s just a vehicle for gravy and cranberries.

this

also ham is better for thanksgiving

 

[Papa]

Where's the gravy?

There was gravy, but I didn’t mention it because it was tangential to the point that turkey sucks

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Turkey isn't really a thing in Australia but I know you cunts do it every year for Thanksgiving, and I'm a pretty keen cook, so I decided to give it a go. Got a 5 kg bird, brined it for 12 hours, stuffed it with a mix of blitzed up old sourdough, onion and sage, slid a stick of butter under the skin of each breast, smoked it for 5 hours while basting with melted butter every 45 minutes until the internal temp was 65C (149F), then gave it 20 mins in the oven at a high heat to crisp up. Final internal temp after resting was 75C (167F). I believe I did everything right -- the meat was relatively juicy and the skin was crispy but there was just no fucking flavour. What is the point of this stupid bird? Why not just eat chicken?

I only like turkey if it's drenched in gravy.

Stuffing is my favorite part of Thanksgiving.

A couple Thanksgivings ago, I had KFC and enjoyed that light years more.

 

[pennythoughts]

I only like turkey if it's drenched in gravy.

Stuffing is my favorite part of Thanksgiving.

A couple Thanksgivings ago, I had KFC and enjoyed that light years more.

kfc instead of bojangles or smithfields?

what in tarnation...

 

[Darkmakaimura]

kfc instead of bojangles or smithfields?

what in tarnation...

What?

Butterballs is the only turkey brand I know at top of me head.

 

[pennythoughts]

What?

Butterballs is the only turkey brand I know at top of me head.

KFC = kentucky fried chicken

at least that's what I thought you meant, for your thanksgiving dinner

I am from the south here in the US and my left-eye twitched as an inescapable roar escaped my lungs at the thought of eating KFC over one of those two.

 

[down 2 orth]

Turkey sucks.... until you drown it in gravy and chase it with pie. If you don't like that, then go back to Rejectland, you bloody wanker.

(I kid, lots of for Aussies)

 

[Darkmakaimura]

KFC = kentucky fried chicken

at least that's what I thought you meant, for your thanksgiving dinner

I am from the south here in the US and my left-eye twitched as an inescapable roar escaped my lungs at the thought of eating KFC over one of those two.

Yeah I meant Kentucky Fried Chicken.

I love them biscuits especially.

 

[CrapSandwich]

If it was any good people would buy it more than once a year.

 

[Mistake]

It doesn't matter what you do to mass produced turkeys, they will always be kind of dry and flavorless. Free range are ok if they aren't too big, but raising one yourself with grain is A+

 

[Nikana]

Stuff a turkey in the turkey to make a turkey-key-key.

 

[Weiji]

Turkey is just a vessel, a chalice, for the true drink of the gods.

Hollowed be thy name.

Spoiler

I like stuffing

 

[nush]

I swapped out Turkey for Goose for the last few years. Much more tasty and cheaper.

 

[Super Mario]

Deep-fry that bitch. It's like a giant fried-chicken at that point. Huge chunks of juicy, white meat instead of little bites of breading on a chicken. It's a game-changer.

 

[Phunkydiabetic]

Wtf Australia, Kangaroo sucks

Wallaby too.

I actually had some kangaroo a few weeks ago and yeah, it kinda did suck.

 

[blockhead77]

Maybe you just don't like turkey?

 

[Stouffers]

Ya gotta slop on the canned cranberry sauce you didgeridumb-fuck

 

[Elcid]

Bro the way you cooked that it should taste like heaven but turkey sucks. Only good turkey I have had was some smoked/deep fry turkey thing my dad made.

 

[Taxexemption]

Turkey can be amazing but it requires you to cook it in the perfect way. Your method sounds good but something went wrong. We have at least 4 turkeys at my family's thanksgiving, each of them cooked by a different relative a different way. They are all good, but one of my uncles brings the best one every time. He doesn't cook his, he buys it "Cajun style" from some restaurant famous for turkey.


Here is the thing about Turkey and Chicken. A small amount of the meat is naturally good tasting (in the case of chicken, chicken thighs, but the breasts naturally taste like nothing), most of it is kind of dry and tasteless. If properly dealt with, those tasteless parts can be made to taste amazing.


How you cook chicken and turkey in particular are the ultimate tests of how good of a chef you are. Large parts of both animals are super dry and taste like nothing, but with a good chef they can be made to be magnificent.


I only eat turkey at thanksgiving because on that occasion a few of my relatives use their almost perfect recipes to make something amazing. Any other time I know it won't be worth the trouble to eat turkey.


Edit: Upon further reading it sounds like it was a problem with your brine. You should have added something to the brine to enhance the flavor. Also did you baste the turkey with butter and anything else while it was cooking?

 

[Liu Kang filing his 1040]

Turkey is a finicky meat
I almost always prefer something else

But when it's good it's good and I can't even hate
The best I've had is smoked turkey from a BBQ place here
The worst I've had is the oven baked thanksgiving shit or rubbery lunch meat

 

[teezzy]

Turkey sucks

 

[teezzy]

Real talk Papa

Turkey breast and chicken breast are my favorite food.

So clean tasting. Add some salt and you got good eats.

 

[cyber_ninja]

The only reason why turkey is so popular is because its a big ass bird that can feed a lot of people, but it's not very flavourful. Duck on another hand has so much flavor, but it's a small bird in comparison and if you have more than 4 people over you will need more than one duck.

 

[Papa]

I bloody love duck

 

[Papa]

It’s KFC not KFT for a reason

 

[teezzy]

Did you try a leg matt? Maybe you're a dark meat dude if you love duck

 

[Mikado]

You know what's good? Duck. It's like a steak fucked some mythical version of turkey that isn't dry and boring and you get to eat the offspring.

 

[Tschumi]

Mate they don't like the turkey, they like the fuckton of jam they slather all over it and the sweet potato mash merengue they have as a side