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Anybody else dodged a bullet when it comes to a relationship or marriage?

Woggleman

Member
I am happily married now but before her I was engaged and certain things just started to not sit right with me. I saw how she looked at certain issues and the double standards she had concerning my friends vs her friends. I have a friend who is an honest player that bounces from woman to woman and she really had a problem with me still hanging with him but at the same time she has a friend who cheated on her husband and she was sympathetic to her. I saw other signs that I end up being a henpecked husband so I broke it off.

I see how she treats her current husband and her attitude towards men in general and I thank god everyday that I never married her. She would have browbeaten me into becoming a shell of a man.
 

chromhound

Gold Member
I was seeing this girl for 6 month. She was going thru a divorce. She found out she was not ready to be in a relationship and she needed time to heal and focus on herself (could be a lie). Thank you for wasting my time. i wouldn't be surprised if she goes back to her husband that treat her like shit. Now i'm left with a broken heart
 
Lots, that's why I'm still single at 33. But now I basically just don't bother anymore. I focus on myself and fuck girls casually from time to time

Revoh, you're still young mate, don't sweat about it and just enjoy doing what you're doing.

I'm in my 40's and these are my "pearls of wisdom" :

- If you've never been married and/or had kids, never engage with divorced people with kids, the kids are always gonna come first and the ex...you're not going to stop hearing about the ex, it's gets tiresome after a while (whether he/she pays alimony, how he/she was always awful during the marriage, how much an asshole he/she is etc etc).
Obviously, that's not always the case but unfortunately it's something that holds true for the majority of cases.

- This is gonna come off as obvious but :
People with "baggage" - if you meet someone and he/she won't stop mentioning things that happened in the past during a previous relationship over and over again...bail out.

- Emotional support ® : we're all human and we've all been through some tough shit but...if you meet someone and most of the time is spent in trying to provide emotional support instead of going out, trying to experience new things and...having sex, bail out, you're no one's shrink, you're not getting paid for it and you most definitely don't need that in your life (on top of your already existing life problems).

- Trying to look good and taking care of yourself is a pretty normal thing to do since most humans are superficial but...if you meet someone and the only points of discussion are if you go to the gym or not, how much time you spend on it weekly, which "cool" shop you do your shopping from, what kind of clothes/brand you like spending money on etc etc...bail the fuck out.

- Regarding being superficial again : if the only points of discussion are your job title, how much you make monthly, what kind of car/bike you drive/ride and the fact that you prefer 5 star restaurants instead of 4 or 3 star ones...bail the fuck out.

Instead - no matter your financial situation - try to find someone that you're on the same wavelength, you can't talk about fucking money and/or job positions all the friggin time, it gets tiresome and boring, try to find someone that is fun, funny, empathetic , can talk about everyday shit, like music, theater, movies, general life experiences, places you'd like to go (preferably together)...you know, simple, everyday stuff.
If you manage to do that...you've found your Unicorn.

These opinions/facts (to me) have always served me well and I can wholeheartedly say that I've never met "bad" women in my life, a couple of "weird" ones ? sure, never bad apples though 'cause i know my limits and always knew when to bail the fook out, not all people are compatible, the thing is to understand that beforehand, it's kind of simple really gents/ladies, know yourself, know where you stand and what you're looking for and good things (i.e "people") will come to you.

I've met my (now) girlfriend 2+ years ago and we couldn't be happier , i like taking care of her and she likes taking care of me, it's like we've know each other for years, this why I always say that people shouldn't sweat about it, when that special someone comes, you'll know it.
Of course , age and experience plays a big part in that but again, there's always that "special" someone for everyone...
Don't despair, don't be clingy with people, just show some patience, respect, gather some experience by meeting people and everything will come to you (almost) automatically after a little while, just don't concentrate on the negative things , take things as they come.
Cheers
 
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Woggleman

Member
A good piece of advice is instead of trying to be what women want or what men want be unapologetically yourself and the right one will come of if they don't you can still be happy.

A big mistake too many people and especially men make is once they deal with heartbreak or a bad relationship they want to go all redpill and PUA instead of just building a great life for themselves which will naturally attract quality people and repel toxic people. I could have easily went down a toxic path after my ex but instead I lived my best life and crossed paths with somebody living her best life.

Never be a doormat but never try to step on anybody else either. Respect yourself and respect others until they give you reason not to.
 
Never be a doormat but never try to step on anybody else either. Respect yourself and respect others until they give you reason not to.
Words to live by man, well put...

"Don't do unto others what you don't want done unto you" - unless m'fckers start it first that is 😁

And yes, never be a doormat, it's all about self respect (which unfortunately some people lack)

Cheers
 

MachRc

Member
Dodged,

Spousal support for life (married less than 10 years)
Child Support( have full custody of child)

I had to buy out the ex from my own house, as I has sold my home and purchased my current home during marriage making it "community property".
Lucky for me, it was 2015 prices, and not 2020-2022 prices.

If that person had waited and filed for divorce 4 years later.... I would have been fcuked

I was lucky she was greedy and picked to be bought out of my property as I told her that she would get more as there was no 3% to split for agent, and that she could bring her own appraiser.
 

Zelphyr

Gold Member
Within the 4th year of our relationship my then girlfriend basically set a plan for us to get married and have 3 kids.
Problem is we were both still at University, we had 2 dogs and I was working nights part-time. She was still living with her parents.

The way she planned it also creeped me out, it was cold & calculating, no love or emotion. "I want 3 kids in the next 10 years".

I asked her if she was ready to have me in her face everyday for the rest of her life as we sat down to dinner and ask ourselves "How was your day?" and she replied yes.

I chuckled and blurted out "Hell no!"

We were done 2 months later.

She is now divorced but has her 3 grown kids just like she planned.

Sometimes the most mature decision is just to jump ship 😁
 

Lady Jane

Member
My 20’s

 
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Catphish

Gold Member
My marriage failed because we didn't get to know each other well enough before we threw our lives together. Too much, too fast. Now, I have a daughter who's the product of a broken home, something I desperately wanted to avoid, since I came from one myself. Life's lessons. 🎓

But the woman before her. Jesus Christ. I dodged a fucking nuke. Felonious, aliasing (as in multiple identities for the purpose of fraud), homewrecking megacunt, that one. I didn't learn the depths of how sick and criminal that bitch was until months after we split up. God only knows how fucked up my life would have been had I stuck around or gotten married.

Jerry Seinfeld GIF
 

Woggleman

Member
Within the 4th year of our relationship my then girlfriend basically set a plan for us to get married and have 3 kids.
Problem is we were both still at University, we had 2 dogs and I was working nights part-time. She was still living with her parents.

The way she planned it also creeped me out, it was cold & calculating, no love or emotion. "I want 3 kids in the next 10 years".

I asked her if she was ready to have me in her face everyday for the rest of her life as we sat down to dinner and ask ourselves "How was your day?" and she replied yes.

I chuckled and blurted out "Hell no!"

We were done 2 months later.

She is now divorced but has her 3 grown kids just like she planned.

Sometimes the most mature decision is just to jump ship 😁
I would also bet that she initiated the divorce. The ones who push the hardest usually do when marriage turns out not to be the fantasy they have in their head.
 

Revoh

Member
Revoh, you're still young mate, don't sweat about it and just enjoy doing what you're doing.
For sure man, I agree. That's what I've been doing the last couple of years.

A big mistake too many people and especially men make is once they deal with heartbreak or a bad relationship they want to go all redpill and PUA instead of just building a great life for themselves which will naturally attract quality people and repel toxic people.
The RP was the thing that opened my eyes after my last relationship. I gotta be honest, I did some beta shit back then and I'm grateful to have stumbled upon the RP. Once you filter out the toxic parts of it, you get a solid framework to build yourself from. At first I was pretty skeptical of it (it's common for going through different RP stages) but once I started improving myself both mentally and physically, started passing shit tests with girls, learned about stoicism, frame, started giving less fucks all around -- people start to see you and treat you differently, there's no denying this thing does apply.

I'm a big believer in self-improvement now, it completely changed my life. On paper I'm living the dream now: I have a cool bachelor pad, I'm close to 10% bf, have money, working a cool fully remote devops job, lots of free time, investing in real state, crypto and other stuff, plenty of "solo" hobbies: lifting, running, yoga, guitar etc -- This life is completely different compared to what I was living just 2 years ago.

Sadly, I'm at the stage where all these changes made me drift away from my old circle of friends, I no longer have anything in common with most of them which are still living with their moms and playing video games. Some people got jealous, some just gonna keep hating but I won't look back. I've tried to push people towards self-improvement but I learned that somehow pushes them away even harder.

So now, I'm completely alone, I have basically 1 other RP-aware dude that is also on his grind and is cool, but other than that, I just work and work and work on myself. I visit my parents once per week and that's it. I'm pretty much alone all week, but I know this is just a "monk mode" phase which I plan to leave soon, but I feel I'm not 100% ready yet. I've tried OLD a few times before which gave me some pussy, but lately it's just depressing to see the amount of delusion these women have, I'd rather keep my mental health in shape. In real life I have no problem attracting females, I catch looks but I don't capitalize on them -- I need to approach... but meh, sometimes I just don't feel like it.
 
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BadBurger

Gold Member
After my ex and I broke up she went on to run over a guy while driving drunk and spent several years in jail while also dealing with charges stemming from selling pain killers second hand.

Meanwhile myself and one of her previously best friends are living happy together.

This has been a glimpse into the weird and occasionally fucked up life of BadBurger.
 
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Tams

Gold Member
For sure man, I agree. That's what I've been doing the last couple of years.


The RP was the thing that opened my eyes after my last relationship. I gotta be honest, I did some beta shit back then and I'm grateful to have stumbled upon the RP. Once you filter out the toxic parts of it, you get a solid framework to build yourself from. At first I was pretty skeptical of it (it's common for going through different RP stages) but once I started improving myself both mentally and physically, started passing shit tests with girls, learned about stoicism, frame, started giving less fucks all around -- people start to see you and treat you differently, there's no denying this thing does apply.

I'm a big believer in self-improvement now, it completely changed my life. On paper I'm living the dream now: I have a cool bachelor pad, I'm close to 10% bf, have money, working a cool fully remote devops job, lots of free time, investing in real state, crypto and other stuff, plenty of "solo" hobbies: lifting, running, yoga, guitar etc -- This life is completely different compared to what I was living just 2 years ago.

Sadly, I'm at the stage where all these changes made me drift away from my old circle of friends, I no longer have anything in common with most of them which are still living with their moms and playing video games. Some people got jealous, some just gonna keep hating but I won't look back. I've tried to push people towards self-improvement but I learned that somehow pushes them away even harder.

So now, I'm completely alone, I have basically 1 other RP-aware dude that is also on his grind and is cool, but other than that, I just work and work and work on myself. I visit my parents once per week and that's it. I'm pretty much alone all week, but I know this is just a "monk mode" phase which I plan to leave soon, but I feel I'm not 100% ready yet. I've tried OLD a few times before which gave me some pussy, but lately it's just depressing to see the amount of delusion these women have, I'd rather keep my mental health in shape. In real life I have no problem attracting females, I catch looks but I don't capitalize on them -- I need to approach... but meh, sometimes I just don't feel like it.
Honestly mate, and I do mean this sincerely, knock it off with all 'terminology' bullshit.

'Red Pill (RP)' this. 'Monk Mode' that. None of that ideology does you any good and sucks too many in that they end up not being able to think for themselves.

As already mentioned here, just be yourself (yeah, yeah, cheesey as that sounds) and enjoy your life. If you come across someone who you fall in love with, great! If not, great!

Obviously, if you have character flaws work on correcting them. Ask your family and friends for an honest appraisal.
 

RJMacready73

Gold Member
For sure man, I agree. That's what I've been doing the last couple of years.


The RP was the thing that opened my eyes after my last relationship. I gotta be honest, I did some beta shit back then and I'm grateful to have stumbled upon the RP. Once you filter out the toxic parts of it, you get a solid framework to build yourself from. At first I was pretty skeptical of it (it's common for going through different RP stages) but once I started improving myself both mentally and physically, started passing shit tests with girls, learned about stoicism, frame, started giving less fucks all around -- people start to see you and treat you differently, there's no denying this thing does apply.

I'm a big believer in self-improvement now, it completely changed my life. On paper I'm living the dream now: I have a cool bachelor pad, I'm close to 10% bf, have money, working a cool fully remote devops job, lots of free time, investing in real state, crypto and other stuff, plenty of "solo" hobbies: lifting, running, yoga, guitar etc -- This life is completely different compared to what I was living just 2 years ago.

Sadly, I'm at the stage where all these changes made me drift away from my old circle of friends, I no longer have anything in common with most of them which are still living with their moms and playing video games. Some people got jealous, some just gonna keep hating but I won't look back. I've tried to push people towards self-improvement but I learned that somehow pushes them away even harder.

So now, I'm completely alone, I have basically 1 other RP-aware dude that is also on his grind and is cool, but other than that, I just work and work and work on myself. I visit my parents once per week and that's it. I'm pretty much alone all week, but I know this is just a "monk mode" phase which I plan to leave soon, but I feel I'm not 100% ready yet. I've tried OLD a few times before which gave me some pussy, but lately it's just depressing to see the amount of delusion these women have, I'd rather keep my mental health in shape. In real life I have no problem attracting females, I catch looks but I don't capitalize on them -- I need to approach... but meh, sometimes I just don't feel like it.
Mate not to diss your lifestyle but you come across as too "into yourself", picture I'm getting is...
christian bale GIF

Don't go too deep lad, relax a little, have some fun with the idiots, life's not all about the gains.
 

RJMacready73

Gold Member
Revoh, you're still young mate, don't sweat about it and just enjoy doing what you're doing.

I'm in my 40's and these are my "pearls of wisdom" :

- If you've never been married and/or had kids, never engage with divorced people with kids, the kids are always gonna come first and the ex...you're not going to stop hearing about the ex, it's gets tiresome after a while (whether he/she pays alimony, how he/she was always awful during the marriage, how much an asshole he/she is etc etc).
Obviously, that's not always the case but unfortunately it's something that holds true for the majority of cases.

- This is gonna come off as obvious but :
People with "baggage" - if you meet someone and he/she won't stop mentioning things that happened in the past during a previous relationship over and over again...bail out.

- Emotional support ® : we're all human and we've all been through some tough shit but...if you meet someone and most of the time is spent in trying to provide emotional support instead of going out, trying to experience new things and...having sex, bail out, you're no one's shrink, you're not getting paid for it and you most definitely don't need that in your life (on top of your already existing life problems).

- Trying to look good and taking care of yourself is a pretty normal thing to do since most humans are superficial but...if you meet someone and the only points of discussion are if you go to the gym or not, how much time you spend on it weekly, which "cool" shop you do your shopping from, what kind of clothes/brand you like spending money on etc etc...bail the fuck out.

- Regarding being superficial again : if the only points of discussion are your job title, how much you make monthly, what kind of car/bike you drive/ride and the fact that you prefer 5 star restaurants instead of 4 or 3 star ones...bail the fuck out.

Instead - no matter your financial situation - try to find someone that you're on the same wavelength, you can't talk about fucking money and/or job positions all the friggin time, it gets tiresome and boring, try to find someone that is fun, funny, empathetic , can talk about everyday shit, like music, theater, movies, general life experiences, places you'd like to go (preferably together)...you know, simple, everyday stuff.
If you manage to do that...you've found your Unicorn.

These opinions/facts (to me) have always served me well and I can wholeheartedly say that I've never met "bad" women in my life, a couple of "weird" ones ? sure, never bad apples though 'cause i know my limits and always knew when to bail the fook out, not all people are compatible, the thing is to understand that beforehand, it's kind of simple really gents/ladies, know yourself, know where you stand and what you're looking for and good things (i.e "people") will come to you.

I've met my (now) girlfriend 2+ years ago and we couldn't be happier , i like taking care of her and she likes taking care of me, it's like we've know each other for years, this why I always say that people shouldn't sweat about it, when that special someone comes, you'll know it.
Of course , age and experience plays a big part in that but again, there's always that "special" someone for everyone...
Don't despair, don't be clingy with people, just show some patience, respect, gather some experience by meeting people and everything will come to you (almost) automatically after a little while, just don't concentrate on the negative things , take things as they come.
Cheers
As a chap in his late 40's whose on his second (hopefully last) marriage, that's had a few relationships in the bag, this man's advice is on the button
 

Beanbox

Member
Yes.
In my 20s I realized some people already have their life planned out and you are just the useful idiot to help carry it out. One big example is an obsession with having kids.
The big thing to figure out is if the person actually loves you or they just need to fill a space in their life and put a checkmark somewhere.
My current (and hopefully only) wife is pretty cool. She drives me nuts sometimes but mostly because she's a nicer person than me (I don't go out of my way to help others). When we met, kids were ambiguous, but seems she may want them and I'm more on the childfree side (children are expensive, intellectually boring, and could ruin our relationship), I guess we shall see. Sometimes you just can't predict human nature and people change, but there is a lot you can do in the beginning to get into a healthy relationship that will last a long time.
 

Revoh

Member
Honestly mate, and I do mean this sincerely, knock it off with all 'terminology' bullshit.

'Red Pill (RP)' this. 'Monk Mode' that. None of that ideology does you any good and sucks too many in that they end up not being able to think for themselves.

As already mentioned here, just be yourself (yeah, yeah, cheesey as that sounds) and enjoy your life. If you come across someone who you fall in love with, great! If not, great!

Obviously, if you have character flaws work on correcting them. Ask your family and friends for an honest appraisal.

I know, and I appreciate your point of view. This thing does get in your head and is hard to snap out of it at times.

Mate not to diss your lifestyle but you come across as too "into yourself", picture I'm getting is...
christian bale GIF

Don't go too deep lad, relax a little, have some fun with the idiots, life's not all about the gains.

Yes, actually it was worse the last year, my ego was through the roof and that's when I feel I did the most mistakes in showing that side of myself. I'm working with a psychologist on my mental health overall -- I do wanna go back to being the old me in terms of personality. That's why I decided to isolate for a bit, I want to let some time pass, become more humble and try again at a later time.
 

Grildon Tundy

Gold Member
Was with the same girl from senior year of high school through end of college. Looking back I put up with a ton of BS because I thought she was super hot (tbh, she was). In the end, she lied to me about drug use, talked shit about me behind my back instead of having my back, cheated on me, and may or may not have lied about getting pregnant and the subsequent abortion. She would constantly be at the throats of her "friends", and when I would try to help her see things from their perspective, I got accused of gaslighitng (this was ~2010, so before the term "gaslighting" was cool).

She broke up with me seemingly out of nowhere right after college graduation. At the time, I was planning to Get the Job, Buy the Ring, Settle Down, Start the Family. Bullet dodged.

But, uh, I may have let the whole thing get to me a little bit too much. Her behavior, combined with myself being a natural hermit, means I haven't really put myself back out there for...10 years. Doesn't seem worth the effort.
 
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Peggies

Gold Member
If you're not interested in having a family, no biggie. I was only talking to the men that want a family, and that the time to have one is getting shorter and shorter the older they get.
season 2 television GIF

I did start a family and we had to do an IVF (for the first, the second was a little miracle) because as you say it gets harder the older the woman gets (not literally though).

Buuut it doesn't help to know that if you don't have the right partner.
 
My dating history through my mid-30s:



I've got plenty of war stories... I might share one or two later.

To be fair, there were a small handful of women in that mix that were genuinely nice, but for some reason or another it didn't work out.
 
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Bullets are usually great in bed though.
Yeah and that's ultimately a problem. Take it from me -- in my 20s, physical attraction was one of the (maybe THE!?) most important parts of dating.

Ended up dating some spectacularly hot chicks. But there were a couple of real sociopaths in that mix. I could deal with it because I have the mental fortitude, but still, sometimes you have to wonder if the "great in bed" part is worth the "bullet" part...
 

Herr Edgy

Member
I would also bet that she initiated the divorce. The ones who push the hardest usually do when marriage turns out not to be the fantasy they have in their head.
Can't say this happened to me but this thing was the major reason I broke up with my now ex a few months ago.

Started as a F+, naturally transitioned into a relationship a few months in. Things were and continued to be pretty good.
However she was all about that community life and lived on her grandmother's first floor; the building itself like 50 meters next to her parents' house, both of us 26 years old at the time.
As a woman that definitely wants kids in her life, I guess that's the age when you at least start thinking about it, due to the biological clock, and due to the fact you typically only want kids with someone you have been together with for a few years at least.

So in her head, despite us not having been a couple for a year, she was starting to panick because she needed a sort of 'guarantee' from me that our relationship was going to transition into the family life she had gotten with her own family.

Don't get me wrong, there's no problem with wanting a normal "nuclear family" and a community life, but the way she went about it put that goal over me in its importance. I wasn't opposed to a family life and kids, but I wanted to let it grow organically., and I also didn't target a specific age.
She, however, needed us to move in together asap, and she needed kids by age 28 because she didn't want to be "an old mum"; said by someone who was turning 27 half a year later.
It was a good breakup as far as breakups go and we continued talking for a while after it, but it became very clear to me that our relationship was a stepping stone for her to reach her fantasy goal, and also that she was sabotaging her shot with me because of it.

I asked her how she plans to become a mother at 28-29 if she is now single at 26-27, and that the only way to do this was to immediately meet another guy, get together as fast as possible, move in a few months after the relationship starts and then a year later get to making kids.
How to discern if a guy is the right one for her if she has known him for less than 2 years before planning kids.
The only thing she could tell me is that you just feel it when a person is right for you...
That's incredibly irresponsible in my mind. You can't always dodge risks, especially with kids, but you should minimize it as far as realistically possible.

Anyways, when I realized that her needs for guarantees and a very specific outcome that was very unaccomodating for me were something she placed higher importance on than her actual partner whose long-term goals were pretty much aligned with hers, I broke it off.
 

Woggleman

Member
Bullets are usually great in bed though.
That's a myth. It's the male version of the idea that bad boys are more exciting. My current sex life is the best it has ever been with any woman and while my wife knows how to have fun and excitement she also has her head screwed on straight.
 
That's a myth. It's the male version of the idea that bad boys are more exciting. My current sex life is the best it has ever been with any woman and while my wife knows how to have fun and excitement she also has her head screwed on straight.
I'm just speaking from personal experience, not myths. I've got a girl now that's not completely crazy. The sex is acceptable but not the best I've ever had. But as everyone knows, that's not all there is to worry about so it balances out.
 

RavenSan

Off-Site Inflammatory Member
Absolutely. I was with a girl for a few years, we talked about getting married, etc. Thank god it never worked out. For like 4 years after we split she would call me or email when I assume when she was drunk, and just ramble about shit. At one point she told me that all the stories she told me about childhood abuse she experienced were lies. All fabricated to make me pity her, and care for her. She also said that she never found me attractive, and was 'repulsed' by me.

I can understand the whole personal attacks on my appearance were more than likely a last-ditch effort to make me angry / react / engage her, but to this day I don't know if the childhood stories were a lie, or that was a another, worse attempt to get me to react, but I promptly told her at that point to never contact me again.

That my friends, was a nuclear warhead avoided. I'm now happily married to the absolute love of my life, and the nicest person in the entire universe. Things definitely worked out in my favor.
 
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Woggleman

Member
Crazy women being great in bed is a universal constant, but you have to get out before the crazy gets directed at you.
I have been with crazy women and the sex was not that great. My former fiancé was not that great in bed. Both men and women need to get out of this mentality that dysfunctional people are more exciting or have more passion.
 

nush

Member
I have been with crazy women and the sex was not that great. My former fiancé was not that great in bed. Both men and women need to get out of this mentality that dysfunctional people are more exciting or have more passion.
Obviously if it didn't happen for you it couldn't possibly have been that way for anyone else. Maybe it's actually you.
 
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