• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

Had a foursome, but couldn't get it up

Rad-

Member
Happened to me once. I think it was because the day was really long and tiring. I met this girl and we had a long date that started at like 10AM and then around 9PM we were back to my place and I just thought "Can't think of nothing else to do so might as well try to tap that". I went for it and she was into it. I was hard at first but couldn't keep it up like normal. And honestly it felt a bit weird after but overall I was basically like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 

Shredderi

Member
I sometimes forget how self-righteous the internet can be.

It is possible to realize the potential damage the situation could cause to a relationship while also considering the feelings (guilt? selfishness?) involved in stopping all of your friends' fun.

The risk of not enjoying or being uncomfortable with the interaction comes with the territory.

Not everyone will respond in the same way to the situation explained in the OP and different viewpoints are also valid.

It's just one time sex. One time. It's not worth all the mental anguish it could cause to an individual if things goes like this. Hell, his friends we're mature about this and they were there. Who cares about the guilt of stopping your friends fleeting fun. It's just fun. They can have fun another times. I'll reiterate on the point that such fun is not worth straining the relationship.

Then you have shitty partner for not considering your feelings in that situation. A decent partner that actually cares would put that above a few minutes of physical gratification. If I was in that position and my SO disregard how felt the relationship would be finished.

THIS. It's really not that hard. Some people seem to put situations like this on to a pedestal and consider it almost sacred. "But now some people didn't get to have their sex!".
 

Tagyhag

Member
Jesus Christ guys, once again.

I did go down on the other girl, three times. I fingered her, even fucked her good for a few moments.

But there was a point where my mouth was really dry
, I wasn't in the mood anymore and said that it was enough for me.

Everybody stopped and went to sleep.

Sounds like you weren't doing it correctly. :p

Nah just messing with you OP, there's nothing wrong with wanting the others to stop if you're not comfortable, situations like that are about trust and it's obvious that the others were understanding.
 

Mr. X

Member
Anyone harping on him to stop out offairness seems to forget the other woman who is feeling like it's her fault he's soft. There's 2 out of 4 people not having fun and feeling bad.
 
Then you have shitty partner for not considering your feelings in that situation. A decent partner that actually cares would put that above a few minutes of physical gratification. If I was in that position and my SO disregard how felt the relationship would be finished.

Sounds like that was the case.


So don't assume it's some bullshit "bro code" slash SJW sex positive thing (how you managed to get two contradictions in there is impressive).

But really a foursome isn't really all about one single person.
 

SapientWolf

Trucker Sexologist
Try to get Cialis script.

But if you never had these issues with your current partner after getting sloshed then I think we know what the real problem is.
 

Aselith

Member
Like the not being able to perform thing isn't a big deal but I would cut you off if you made me stop having sex because you couldn't do it yourself. That's not cool at all.
 

JWiLL

Banned
I'm, uh, statistically above average (so well below GAF average), but I'm not sure if I would ever agree to this in the first place.

What if the other dude is some stallion sex god and is just totally destroying your girlfriend a few feet away? I can see this being fine if you're with a casual fling, but not a long time girlfriend.

Different strokes and all that though, literally in this case. I'm not sure how people do this in a literal swap 1 for 1 sense. This isn't a foursome from the sounds of it.
 

Shredderi

Member
Sounds like that was the case.


So don't assume it's some bullshit "bro code" slash SJW sex positive thing (how you managed to get two contradictions in there is impressive).

But really a foursome isn't really all about one single person.

In a way it most definitely is.

Like the not being able to perform thing isn't a big deal but I would cut you off if you made me stop having sex because you couldn't do it yourself. That's not cool at all.

You would cut off a relationship with a human you liked because for one time in history you didn't get off. Man...
 

Aselith

Member
You would cut off a relationship with a human you liked because for one time in history you didn't get off. Man...

Not really because of that. More because of how inconsiderate and petty it is. "*I* can't have sex, why should *you* be able to?" I understand that he was feeling bad about himself but then he had to make it an issue for everyone else. Like, shit happens but that kind of situation makes you strongly reevaluate how much that person actually values you as a person rather than whatever they feel they can receive from you.

He would at the very least have some lonely nights for a bit while I figure out wtf just happened.
 

ironmang

Member
Not really because of that. More because of how inconsiderate and petty it is. "*I* can't have sex, why should *you* be able to?" I understand that he was feeling bad about himself but then he had to make it an issue for everyone else. Like, shit happens but that kind of situation makes you strongly reevaluate how much that person actually values you as a person rather than whatever they feel they can receive from you.

He would at the very least have some lonely nights for a bit while I figure out wtf just happened.

I don't envy whoever ends up with you. If your partner is uncomfortable then helping them should be your first priority. Not punishing them for it. Wtf kind of mentality is that?
 

Aselith

Member
I don't envy whoever ends up with you. If your partner is uncomfortable then helping them should be your first priority. Not punishing them for it. Wtf kind of mentality is that?

Um, he made them stop in the middle. How was he not punishing them for what was going on with him? "*I* decided we should all stop" Does that not cut both ways?
 

tbm24

Member
Not really because of that. More because of how inconsiderate and petty it is. "*I* can't have sex, why should *you* be able to?" I understand that he was feeling bad about himself but then he had to make it an issue for everyone else. Like, shit happens but that kind of situation makes you strongly reevaluate how much that person actually values you as a person rather than whatever they feel they can receive from you.

He would at the very least have some lonely nights for a bit while I figure out wtf just happened.
Your friend starts having a crisis about his ability to perform and all you’d think about is how he stopped you from finishing off his girlfriend? The situation only works if everyone has the same level of respect for each other, clearly you wouldn’t.
 

WaffleTaco

Wants to outlaw technological innovation.
That's not really a foursome, more like you guys are swinging . . . anyway OP, better luck next time!
 

SomTervo

Member
Nerves or anything can cause this. Doing a group thing for the first time is V likely to do so.

Don't worry about it. Take a chill pill.
 
You're a better man than me. I couldn't just sit there and watch my significant other do that. But on topic it could have been alcohol or anxiety.
 

ironmang

Member
Um, he made them stop in the middle. How was he not punishing them for what was going on with him? "*I* decided we should all stop" Does that not cut both ways?

Temporary fun is worth not being there for your partner when they're uncomfortable while you're experimenting? Yep, you still sound like a shitty partner.

"He would at the very least have some lonely nights for a bit" also is a pretty gross reaction.
 

Shredderi

Member
Your friend starts having a crisis about his ability to perform and all you’d think about is how he stopped you from finishing off his girlfriend? The situation only works if everyone has the same level of respect for each other, clearly you wouldn’t.

Yep. This is him putting him getting off once above far more important matters that follow people a long time. The kinda stuff that is worth and ok pausing someone else having sex with your girlfriend. Because it's just that: sex. You're gonna have it thousands time after, you're gonna be fine with not having it this one time. Your friend tho? He could have had some longer reaching problems in this scenario. Is he thinking about himself when he stops the party? Yes, but in his case it's to not be riddled with mental problems about different things. I'd say that is higher in the priority order than not getting off this one time.

Temporary fun is worth not being there for your partner when they're uncomfortable while you're experimenting? .

Basically. It's about priorities.
 

Aselith

Member
Temporary fun is worth not being there for your partner when they're uncomfortable while you're experimenting? Yep, you still sound like a shitty partner.

"He would at the very least have some lonely nights for a bit" also is a pretty gross reaction.

How about we put a hold on the personal insults there, bud
 
It happens man. Nervous, alcohol, tired... who knows. Sometimes these fuckers have a mind of their own. Don't worry too much. Don't watch porn for a while though.
 

norinrad

Member
Jeez, too much drinking can do that to you. You haven't failed as a man, don't be silly. Set up another appointment and get things done.
 
It is mental OP, if you beat yourself up about it the exact same thing will happen next time, until you finally get used to it, or try it differently next time and come back to it when you are more comfortable.

You will be wondering what was wrong with you, but in reality OP, you just need to get used to that couple. If you're comfortable, play in a different room altogether, just swap.
 

kittoo

Cretinously credulous
I hope you will be able to enjoy yourself the next time.
I personally would not be able to handle seeing my girl doing it with another guy. You sure that didnt matter to you and affected your performance?
 

shaneo632

Member
I flopped the first time I was about to bang my really hot ex. It was in the flat I used to share with my recent-dumped gf before that and somewhere my brain just said nope. She assumed it was her fault and it took me for FOREVER to convince her it wasn't. I was proper on edge about it until I got my second chance to prove myself, ha.
 

Aselith

Member
Well, you're just some random on the internet so your comfort or requests mean nothing to me.

That wasn't really my concern. I'm not going to get banned for you over some dumb e-fight and I don't want to have someone insulting me all the time while I'm trying to talk so if you're not going to stop I'm going to have to report it. Can we come to an arrangement here or should I do that?
 

BunnyBear

Member
Pop a Viagra pill next time just to ensure it doesn’t happen again, you’ll probably psyche yourself out ahead of the next time because you’ll be thinking about what happened the first time. Viagra will solve that.

I’ve been there before. It happens. Don’t let it bother you.
 

ironmang

Member
That wasn't really my concern. I'm not going to get banned for you over some dumb e-fight and I don't want to have someone insulting me all the time while I'm trying to talk so if you're not going to stop I'm going to have to report it. Can we come to an arrangement here or should I do that?

I called you a shitty partner based on your post which basically said you'd punish your partner for being uncomfortable and ending it when the whole point of that scenario is for everyone to be having fun. I wasn't just throwing baseless personal insults at you. I stand by it so if you want to "report" me instead of just using the ignore feature then go for it.
 

BigDug13

Member
Take the vitamin V. Even if you don't "need" it for your erection, it cuts your downtime to near nothing so you can go again and again.
 
A true gent would have let the other guy have an incredible night with your girlfriend and his chick while you sit in the corner and masturbate with your tears.

I guess common orgy courtesy goes out the window with young people these days.
 
Top Bottom