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I was born a minimalist, and I hate it

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Ionian

Member
Well, what I’m trying to say is that it’s not about the physical world or the stuff you have. It’s about what that does in your head space. That’s the important part. And for me, I realized that trying to be mr. efficient and the picture of perfection ultimately made me less happy and worry more.

Since then, I’ve purposely tried to be messy and get out of that, as a way to sort of rebel against this thing I’ve had in my head my whole life, and hopefully feel more liberated than minimalism ever made me feel.

I’ve been getting way better about it recently. here’s a pic of my creative space in my apartment...

i feel better now than I used to. I feel more creative and care free than I ever did trying to be a “minimalist”. I still clean up and organize, lightly, I just don’t obsess over it anymore.

my biggest issue now is wanting to make money and work towards big purchases like a house or property. It’s been a slow process, but I’m getting there a little bit everyday.

That isn't even that bad, my place is worse.

But get rid of the steel drum though before you neighbours murder you.
 

Tesseract

Banned
it's def more important what's going on inside your head

your most immediate dwelling is often an echo of your state of mind and kinds of things you collect (or not) tend to represent some subset of your personality

what and why you like a particular thing usually has some significant history since we tend to imbue objects or totems with memories over time

the materialist life is pretty hollow tho, inextricably tied to nihilism in some ways but minimalism can also be w/o meaning or purpose and lead to existentialist suffering via depersonalization

as the saying goes, cleanliness is next to godliness but godliness is next to psychosis
 

teezzy

Fantastik Tuna
I'd like to own less shit. I wish I were kool like Kev Kev Kev Kev tbh. I always end up hoarding like books, movies, and games, and it's so stupid. Even if I end up ditching it all, I just buy it back. Its a character flaw.
 

Kev Kev

Gold Member
I'd like to own less shit. I wish I were kool like Kev Kev Kev Kev tbh. I always end up hoarding like books, movies, and games, and it's so stupid. Even if I end up ditching it all, I just buy it back. Its a character flaw.
And I need a little of that in my lifestyle! I’ve really come a long way in the last year and a half or so. Since cobra Kai is on the mind, I’ve been thinking a lot about how balance is key. I guess I thought I’d have it all figured out by 33. But I have still have so much to learn, and I think that the learning and balancing process never really stops. You have to keep working on yourself everyday.

 

teezzy

Fantastik Tuna
And I need a little of that in my lifestyle! I’ve really come a long way in the last year and a half or so. Since cobra Kai is on the mind, I’ve been thinking a lot about how balance is key. I guess I thought I’d have it all figured out by 33. But I have still have so much to learn, and I think that the learning and balancing process never really stops. You have to keep working on yourself everyday.


Feel free to take some of my bullshit, hermano. It gives me anxiety. Like I just see "busy-ness" everywhere I go. Even if I try to keep it organized.

I'm currently renting a family home until I can take it over proper. For better or worse, I have a lot of that family members belongings in storage. I just wanna pop it like a big pimple. Gives me lots of anxiety, but I love my home at this point. Been here for 5 years. Best I can do is keep it exceedingly clean.

Like you said, balance.
 
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teezzy

Fantastik Tuna
Kev, pardon me if its been addressed, but how exactly is it that you feel that the desire to acquire more belongings is going to benefit you? Just like external motivation to proceed in life?

Minimalism seems so clean and relaxing. Being able to prioritize on what matters. At least to me. But I'm saddened to hear its causing you distress
 

mango drank

Member
I remember seeing a documentary about minimalism on Netflix. Except the documentary itself was fairly minimalist, and very hands-off. It just presented individual case studies of minimalist people, their backstories and current minimalist setups, and didn't really comment on them or try to interpret what was going on psychologically. So each person's story came off like:
- I lost my wife ... therefore minimalism.
- I got over a terrible disease and almost died ... therefore minimalism.
- My life sucks ... therefore minimalism.

Each person's turning to minimalism felt to me almost like a form of suicide, except without them realizing that's what they were doing. Life is messy, therefore less mess = less life, until eventually ... ??? It's like the Family Guy clip posted earlier--the last thing to get rid of is yourself.
 

Tesseract

Banned
I remember seeing a documentary about minimalism on Netflix. Except the documentary itself was fairly minimalist, and very hands-off. It just presented individual case studies of minimalist people, their backstories and current minimalist setups, and didn't really comment on them or try to interpret what was going on psychologically. So each person's story came off like:
- I lost my wife ... therefore minimalism.
- I got over a terrible disease and almost died ... therefore minimalism.
- My life sucks ... therefore minimalism.

Each person's turning to minimalism felt to me almost like a form of suicide, except without them realizing that's what they were doing. Life is messy, therefore less mess = less life, until eventually ... ??? It's like the Family Guy clip posted earlier--the last thing to get rid of is yourself.
yer prolly already fucked beyond repair if you end up in some kinda lifestyle docu series

to me it's about avoiding things i don't need, trapdoors to pathology and weakness insofar as putting value in the teeming of lifeless atoms

tldr limitation breeds creativity, by all means go forth and collect shit if that's what makes you happy
 
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I disagree with your idea of what minimalism is. It's not something you're born with, but something you can teach yourself. There's no set rules as to what a minimalist exactly is anyway. Is it someone with white furniture and fake plants? Is it one of those #vanlife vloggers? Is it someone who can fit all their belongings in a backpack? Is it a dude who owns nothing but a laptop and a cardboard box? There's a lot of different levels of minimalism. What I took away from it, is that people generally own way more stuf than is necessary, and that owning and buying stuff takes over a large part of their lives. Cutting back on that, even a little bit, can definitely be a positive change for many.

I became (or am still becoming) something of a minimalist and it's helped me tremendously. I didn't really become a minimalist to achieve a goal or to use my time more effectively. I'm just lazy and having less stuff means less cleaning and organizing. It also means saving money on crap you don't need, while having more money available for what's important, and to save up for later.

Seems to me like your perfectionist side and your obsession with efficiency have clouded your vision. I'm a bit of a perfectionist myself, but not to the point that I won't take my time to achieve the desired results, or that I won't forgive myself for making mistakes. Hopefully you can learn to cut yourself some slack.
 

TheMan

Member
See a therapist. Seriously. If being a "minimalist" (and there seems to be more than just that going on) is causing you this much grief and pain then see someone who can help.
 

Ballthyrm

Member
Well Kev Kev Kev Kev , I also have these tendencies and the way I countered them is by being a maximalist.
I always ask myself where I spend my time and how it could be made more comfortable or better utilized.

When you start thinking that way, you realize maybe I need a better desk Chair, maybe I should call X more often, concentrate on what you like and expand from there.

You will slowly build up rationalization for a lot of things, you need for x or y.
 

Kev Kev

Gold Member
Kev, pardon me if its been addressed, but how exactly is it that you feel that the desire to acquire more belongings is going to benefit you? Just like external motivation to proceed in life?

Minimalism seems so clean and relaxing. Being able to prioritize on what matters. At least to me. But I'm saddened to hear its causing you distress
See a therapist. Seriously. If being a "minimalist" (and there seems to be more than just that going on) is causing you this much grief and pain then see someone who can help.
I keep trying to respond to this but I don’t know how to say it man. They are really great questions that I’m going to think about a lot. I embraced being this way for a long time, and it was really good for me! but after a while it became too much. And if I wasn’t perfect i would throw the whole day away. So I tried to change things up. It’s helped a bit. But I still have these tendencies to think I need to be perfect, while at the same time feeling like I don’t deserve to get TOO much of what I want... I’m a weirdo. Hard to explain I guess.

I’ve just never treated my self you know (TREAT YO’ SELF 🤣) like I felt it was too fancy for me or I didn’t deserve nice things. Perhaps I don’t think highly enough of my worth. I used to take the blame for things I didn’t do in school, get detentions and written up and everything, often times bc I felt the other person would suffer more from it than me, since I was already kind of a bad kid. I guess I’m thinking the proper correction is to go in the other direction, to make myself WANT things, and want to treat myself.

Maybe I’m wrong 🤷‍♂️ Maybe it’s just a mental thing I’ve never addressed and it has a lot in common with this thing we call minimalism. It was good for me to write this out and see the responses though. Ive got a lot to think about, and I’m going to go through with some therapy sessions and see where it goes.

thanks for all the feedback GAF homies. You cunts are aight
 
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teezzy

Fantastik Tuna
I keep trying to respond to this but I don’t know how to say it man. They are really great questions that I’m going to think about a lot. I embraced being this way for a long time, and it was really good for me! I’ve just never treated my self you know (TREAT YO’ SELF 🤣) like I felt it was too fancy for me or I didn’t deserve nice things. Perhaps I don’t think highly enough of my worth. I used to take the blame for things I didn’t do in school, get detentions and written up and everything, often times bc I felt the other person would suffer more from it than me, since I was already kind of a bad kid. I guess I’m thinking the proper correction is to go in the other direction, to make myself WANT things, and want to treat myself.

Maybe I’m wrong 🤷‍♂️ Maybe it’s just a mental thing I’ve never addressed and it has a lot in common with this thing we call minimalism. It was good for me to write this out and see the responses though. Ive got a lot to think about, and I’m going to go through with some therapy sessions and see where it goes.

thanks for all the feedback GAF homies. You cunts are aight

If anything aspire just to buy nice things that'll last forever. It's an amazing quality to have, to not just buy dumb bullshit all the time. There's so many people out there who make tons of money and have horrendous spending habits and therefore live like chumps.

I'm trying to avoid that myself tbh
 

-Minsc-

Member
OP is really about perfectionism and optimization so you can live life with minimal overheads. The YT minimalists are more about getting rid of stuff. There's just so much shit you're supposed to have these days. I can see the appeal of just throwing it all out and to stop consooming product. But I don't agree with Kev Kev Kev Kev here. I love optimizing stuff. I live for it.
Perfectionist is what came to my mind.

Well, what I’m trying to say is that it’s not about the physical world or the stuff you have. It’s about what that does in your head space. That’s the important part. And for me, I realized that trying to be mr. efficient and the picture of perfection ultimately made me less happy and worry more.

Since then, I’ve purposely tried to be messy and get out of that, as a way to sort of rebel against this thing I’ve had in my head my whole life, and hopefully feel more liberated than minimalism ever made me feel.

I’ve been getting way better about it recently. here’s a pic of my creative space in my apartment...


i feel better now than I used to. I feel more creative and care free than I ever did trying to be a “minimalist”. I still clean up and organize, lightly, I just don’t obsess over it anymore.

my biggest issue now is wanting to make money and work towards big purchases like a house or property. It’s been a slow process, but I’m getting there a little bit everyday.

I envy how neat and tidy that space is. I look at my desk and see a vomit of papers, bills, books, dust, etc. Making my bed in the morning can be a challenge.

In a way I'd say I'm a lazy perfectionist. The desire to be perfect is there but I simply never come close and can be hard on myself for not getting there. I do believe my desire to be perfect is a learned trait and my natural state is to be lazy. Living without feeling the need to be efficient seems like a dream to me. Alas, I live in a finite world.
 
Leave politics behind on the non-politics boards.
It's best if everyone became a minimalist now and sell off whatever unnecessary shit they have before the IMF forces your government to take it away as part of their inclusive debt repayment program.
 
Balance, my dude. My wife is that person who holds onto everything thinking she may need it, and I fucking hate it. The shit we own does become a burden when it becomes too much.
 

Kev Kev

Gold Member
Balance, my dude. My wife is that person who holds onto everything thinking she may need it, and I fucking hate it. The shit we own does become a burden when it becomes too much.
youre right, and thank you. i realized by the end of the day i posted this thread that this is something i needed to address a long time ago. and balance is the key. im getting some dental work done and other medical stuff taken care of atm. gonna look into therapy and possibly talking to a psychiatrist as well.i think for the msot part im doing all right, and i just need to relax, but some professional help would probably benefit me a lot. and if anything, it doesnt hurt to try.
 
youre right, and thank you. i realized by the end of the day i posted this thread that this is something i needed to address a long time ago. and balance is the key. im getting some dental work done and other medical stuff taken care of atm. gonna look into therapy and possibly talking to a psychiatrist as well.i think for the msot part im doing all right, and i just need to relax, but some professional help would probably benefit me a lot. and if anything, it doesnt hurt to try.

Honestly it's pretty much solid advice for everything in our lives. Diet, work, stock portfolios....now if only I could be mindful and take my own advice. Just wanted to chime in and say you're not alone in what you're dealing with. We've all got our shit I guess.
 

Tschumi

Member
I was a minimalist until i started dating a girl who had been severely damaged by an awful childhood.. looking back it's equal parts sad and scary how quickly i started clinging to things in a fetal position for comfort lol, my steam library padded out a bit, as did my paunch and garbage bins... I feel like I'm ready to start defaulting back to those former times though.. let's hope i never meet that girl's dad or my recovering mentality will be recovering in prison for life :p (no, not really)
 

Zeroing

Member
I came here thinking this was about artists and art! So my perception of minimalism is more about architecture and interior design!

so it’s more than just conceptual! It is a lifestyle? It is interesting.

Everything needs a balance. Extremes aren’t good!
 

eot

Banned
I'm not materialistic either, don't like having too much stuff around and rarely buy new things, but I don't think being obsessed with tidiness has anything to do with minimalism.
 

Alright

Banned
I look down on those who buy in to the latest fashions, company logos and/or try to keep up with the Jones's. They're weak, pathetic people, devoid of thought and originality, spouting the mannerisms of pop celeb of the day and regurgitating marketing spiel ad-nauseam

I wouldn't change them for the world! Thanks for the easy money, suckers!
 

Kev Kev

Gold Member
i am doing so much better with all this now. i kind of felt embarrassed about posting this topic at first, but im glad i did now, because it helped reveal some things to me that i was kind of ignoring. hearing others opinions and feedback was really necessary. still need to go to therapy and get professional help tho... slacking on that but ive been extremely busy. hopefully summer time will help free up a bit of time...
 

Aesius

Member
I'm similar OP. For me it comes down to frugality and introversion. It doesn't take much to keep me occupied and happy. I value work-life balance and maintaining a small group of friends.

But then I ended up feeling like a loser in certain situations when I realize my accomplishments and life experiences are incredibly limited and meager compared to other people's. I just have to remind myself that I'm not wired like them. But it's an endless mental struggle.
 

nkarafo

Member
I check all the boxes OP. Except the one about making money. I love money but i'm too lazy to make some. I guess minimalist sounds like a better excuse than lazy though.
 

Aesius

Member
I check all the boxes OP. Except the one about making money. I love money but i'm too lazy to make some. I guess minimalist sounds like a better excuse than lazy though.
I think it's all about what drives you. You'd be hard pressed to meet even a hardcore minimalist who wouldn't admit to wanting more money. But what is the cost of obtaining that money? For the average person without inherited wealth or connections, becoming "rich" (and I use that term loosely, because it's almost impossible to become truly "rich" unless you're born into it or become a celebrity) requires an absurd amount of time and energy. And likely many failures along the way.

So unless you're extremely driven by money, you're unlikely to choose the path to potential wealth. I think life is quite acceptable and nice once you make enough money to comfortably pay your bills, buy some luxury items, and go on vacations. But a lot of people aren't satisfied by that and they strive endlessly to accumulate more and more money.
 

Ava.parker

Neo Member
I'm not kinda sure you're talking about minimalism....
For those who are interested, I recommend one book. It's called 'Lagom'. It is about this Swedish way of life which, indeed, includes minimalism.
 

DESTROYA

Member
For labeling yourself a minimalist you sure have a lot of shit.
Sounds like you have to work on yourself and get your head right more than “settling for things” .
 

Kev Kev

Gold Member
For labeling yourself a minimalist you sure have a lot of shit.
Sounds like you have to work on yourself and get your head right more than “settling for things” .
yeah i can see that now. i posted this first thing in the morning after a cup of coffee and being in a shitty mood. like i said, im glad i did because it was kind of therapuetic and helped reveal a lot of other things going on in my head. not even sure how i feel about being a "minimalist" or not now. 🤷‍♂️ i guess you just gotta talk things through sometimes.
 
tl;dr I think being a “minimalist” is more like having an obsessive mental issue. Less things = more freedom, but it doesn’t always work out that way. I found it takes a lot of work to be a minimalist, and I think it’s something you are born with, not decide to be one day. In general, it hasn’t helped me, and I want to change.

I love it it when I hear people say “I became a minimalist...” or “I’m trying to be a minimalist...” or whatever. I love it because I think those people have no idea what minimalism is, and it makes me laugh that people think they can just wake up one day and BAM they are a minimalist. It doesn’t work like that. In fact, I think being a minimalist is something you’re born with, and it’s a curse.

Here is what being a minimalist is...

-Not wanting to throw something away that is useful, but also never having a desire to find something better to replace it. Why would I? This thing works, I already know how to use it, and if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

-Obsessing about organization and routine. If I don’t know where my things are, I will waste time trying to find them. If I don’t follow my routine to the minute, my whole life will be out of whack.

-Having little desire to make money. Why do I need money? To buy more things. Things, things, things, things... all of these things I don’t need and get in my way and make it harder to clean, organize and just take up physical space. I don’t require a lot of space so I don’t need to save money for a house. I don’t want a fancy car, in fact the beater I have works great, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it mirite?! I wouldn’t get in a relationship with someone who isn’t a minimalist so I don’t care about being financially successful and I don’t have the motivation of attracting a partner pushing me to make more money. “I don’t need money to find inner peace and happiness.”

-Not making new friends, or refusing to have more than a couple close ones. Inviting more people into my life will only introduce more problems. The more people I have to worry about, the more cluttered my head space is, and the more I will have to watch my back because they might hurt me one day.

-Continuing to do something you know isn’t really working, but you can see a path and it seems like the simplest, most direct path, so I’ll keep trying until I figure it out. Sometimes at a job I will insist that if we can figure it out my way, then perfect that method, then we will make up the time it took to figure out, because efficiency will rise exponentially.

-Obsessing over every little detail in any hobby, job or task. I have to make this thing as perfect as possible, because if I don’t then it won’t be a good job and it’ll make me look bad, ruin an opportunity, sever a relationship or simply won’t be good enough. I must fine tune every minute detail, or I will never be enough.

👆All of that...? Is a bunch of bologna. Doing all of those things perfectly everyday is not only unreasonable, but it turns out that I feel even more trapped and more weighed down by obsessing about all of those things every minute of the day.

Being a minimalist isn’t about getting rid of stuff and living in a tiny house. It’s about liberating your mind by cleaning the clutter of your physical world, while fine tuning your every day life. It’s about perfectionism. Making every moment, every millisecond as efficient and productive as possible.

Ive been like this my whole life. I never tried to be a minimalist. I never even wanted to be one, I just am because that’s how my brain operates for some reason. My mind believes that if I do all of these perfectly everyday, I will achieve what can only be described as “Mind Utopia”. And although I don’t want to go too deep into it, I can verify that not only has trying to be this perfect minimalist not worked for me, it has actively worked against me.

I don’t care about improving or replacing the tools I have even though it could make my life easier. I’m overly obsessive about cleaning, having a routine and sticking to my hour to hour schedule I make every morning despite the fact that it fails nearly everyday because one little thing goes wrong and I freak out. I hate money with a passion and have no desire to earn it, and as a result I’m poor as hell and have no motivation to better my financial health despite it being pretty awful atm (this is the worst thing about minimalism, and it’s funny how you never hear these self proclaimed minimalists talk about it... it’s only “things” to them, as if all minimalism is only about throwing away stuff 🤦‍♂️). I’m not anti-social, but I pretty much refuse to make new friends and have burned bridges with people I used to care about, all in the name of getting the distractions out of my life, despite the fact that healthy relationships are proven to extremely good for humans. I will spend too much time poring over the details, perfecting my routine, making it .01% more efficient, thinking that “one day, I will have the perfect routine, and THEN everything will run like a well oiled machine and all of this be worth it” and it never fucking works out like that...

I hate being a minimalist.

And I hate that it’s a fad... was a fad? I dunno if it’s died out, but I’ve seen a lot about it over the last decade. I didn’t know what being a minimalist was when I first heard the term. I was really confused by it even. All these people were saying they are “trying” to be like that? Lol trade me please because I’m trying to NOT be like that anymore. I want to get a little messy, I want to be spontaneous, I want to have cool gadgets and fun things, I want to make boat loads of money, I want to do nice things for myself and have nice things for myself... but the minimalist part of my brain actively sabotages all of those things, and as a result my quality of life is actually worse.

Look, I’m not saying there aren’t some good things about a minimalist lifestyle. For the right person, it could be a great fit. But being an extreme minimalist isn’t going to fix your life, in fact I think it’s going to make it more difficult to navigate for most people. For others, like myself, being a minimalist is a curse and we are just trying to get out of this trap, hopefully not falling completely apart in the process of changing the way our whole ass mind works.

So for those looking towards minimalism to fix their life, don’t. Investigate your head space first. See a therapist or psych. Make sure the cob webs are clear and figure out if there isn’t a deeper, underlying issue. And for those of you born with this crap and don’t want to live like this anymore, maybe go do the same. I know I need to.

After 33 years of this shit, I no longer believe that less things = more freedom. That doesn’t mean I’m going to just start acquiring more things, but it does mean I’m going to start treating myself better, stop scrutinizing and beating myself up over ever little thing I can’t control, and I’m going to find a way to enjoy money and things. I think I deserve to treat my self, and I think we should all want that for ourselves.

I could write a book on this stuff lol. But thats the best I can do to spit this out

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk

Dude. You're overthinking this. Normal people have kids and give all of their possessions and wealth to them when they pass (or beforehand).

Pro-tip: Buy all of the games, movies, cars & motorbikes you can. The man who has the most toys wins.
 
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