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[Willco]

If you want to sift through the article CLICK HERE, but if you want to know the godawful truth about Jurassic Park 4, highlight at your own risk!

Straight from Moriarty's script review:

Spoiler

"There’s the eight-year-old-boy side of me that thinks that a DIRTY DOZEN-style mercenary team of hyper-smart dinosaurs in body armor killing drug dealers and rescuing kidnapped children will be impossible to resist. And then there’s the side of me that says... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! Nick is put in charge of training these five dinosaurs, X1 through X5, and the first thing he does is name them. “Any soldier worth his pay has a name to answer to, not a number,” he says. So we are introduced to Achilles, Hector, Perseus, Orestes, and Spartacus, each of them a specially created deinonychus, which is sort of like a miniature T-rex. They have super-sensitive smell and hearing, incredible strength and speed and pack-hunting instincts, and they have modified forelegs, lengthened and topped with more dextrous fingers, as well as dog DNA for increased obedience and human DNA so they can solve problems well. All of this is topped off with a drug-regulating implant that can dose them with adrenaline or serotonin as the situation demands."

This is what passes for "awesome" in Hollywood nowadays? Wow. They should just let this series die. Now.

 

[TheQueen'sOwn]

That is pathetic .

 

[commish]

JP 1 was good.

The rest of the books and films are horrible.

 

[Prospero]

Spoiler

When the evil Shredder attacks
Those dinosaurs won't cut no slack!

 

[mrmyth]

JP 1 was good.

The rest of the books and films are horrible.

JP1 wasn't even good. It was the fact that they pulled off good CG dinosaurs that freaked everybody the fuck out. The entire audience was like Dr. Malcolm - "You did it. You crazy sunovabitch, you did it."

 

[Thaedolus]

JP1 wasn't even good. It was the fact that they pulled off good CG dinosaurs that freaked everybody the fuck out. The entire audience was like Dr. Malcolm - "You did it. You crazy sunovabitch, you did it."

Jurassic Park was classic. The rest suck so bad you just want to pretend they don't exist.

 

[Willco]

Jurassic Park the movie is a lot like Jurassic Park itself. A fun ride that over time has managed to do more harm than good.

 

[6.8]

I wonder if kids will be able to put their gymnast skills to good use in Jp4!!!

 

[AeroGod]

You people are dumb. That sound awesome. JP4 will kick ass.

 

[yoshifumi]

all they need now are the ninjas

 

[AeroGod]

all they need now are the ninjas

Hell yes, and pirates

 

[Ninja Scooter]

if Corey Feldman plays one of the dinosaurs, im game.

 

[yoshifumi]

i would definitely pay 8 dollars to see a ninja vs pirate vs dinosaur battle

or even better, ninja dinosaurs vs zombie pirates...throw in some breakdancing and they've got themselves a hell of a movie

 

[AeroGod]

Why stop there? This movie could be great.

 

[Screaming_Gremlin]

Edit - I guess I should refresh my window before replying since I was beat by 4 minutes.

 

[Panajev2001a]

i would definitely pay 8 dollars to see a ninja vs pirate vs dinosaur battle

or even better, ninja dinosaurs vs zombie pirates...throw in some breakdancing and they've got themselves a hell of a movie

Someone should do something like this.

A 80 minutes movie full of this crap for a slightly reduced price .

 

[Escape Goat]

Someone post a pic of those dinosaurs from the 80s who fought with lasers and crap. That was cool. This is....not.

 

[Willco]

I will only pay to see this movie if the dinosaurs fight Aliens and Predators. And Batman.

 

[6.8]

AND ASHE.

 

[ManDudeChild]

[sarcasm]Just what I was waiting for, a movie based on Dinosaurs For Hire[/sarcasm]

 

[Screaming_Gremlin]

Someone post a pic of those dinosaurs from the 80s who fought with lasers and crap. That was cool. This is....not.

Was it Dinosaucers?

 

[Matlock]

I wonder if they'll fight SNAKES ON A PLANE

 

[Willco]

I wonder if they'll fight SNAKES ON A PLANE

Haha! JURASSIC PARK 4: DINOSAURS ON A PLANE.

 

[Escape Goat]

Haha! JURASSIC PARK 4: DINOSAURS ON A PLANE.

They could be on Air Force One and Harrison Ford fights them "GET OFF MY PLANE!"

 

[yoshifumi]

Someone post a pic of those dinosaurs from the 80s who fought with lasers and crap. That was cool. This is....not.

dinoriders?

 

[ManDudeChild]

dinoriders?

You just know they're feeding that T-rex babies to keep him from killing them all.

 

[Tritroid]

Talk about a quick way to kill a franchise... :\

Jurassic Park 2 was ASS, Jurassic Park 3 was actually pretty decent...but THIS. This is an abomination on the highest level.

Why don't they base JP4 on a team actually RETURNING to the original park island and have the story set there, possibly with certain members who were in JP1. THAT would hold my attention, THIS would not. I vomit upon the person, and the person's children, and the person's person's children who thought up this fucking awful idea.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

Someone post a pic of those dinosaurs from the 80s who fought with lasers and crap. That was cool. This is....not.

you mean Denver the Last Dinosaur?

 

[Cherubae]

Barney can look pretty fierce too

 

[impirius]

I boycotted Jurassic Park 3 because it lacked an uneven-bars escape from Raptors and it looks like I will have to do the same for this one. What a shame

 

[Dan]

This sounds really lame. So they go from cloning dinosaurs to making dinosaur/human hybrids that are trained in weapons combat? What? It sounds like an excuse for a new series of action figures.

 

[ghostface]

Why don't they base JP4 on a team actually RETURNING to the original park island and have the story set there, possibly with certain members who were in JP1.

Isn't that basically the story in one of the 2 sequels? (i don't remember which)

 

[belgurdo]

This is going to make for an awesome $10 bargain bin special

 

[Tool]

if Corey Feldman plays one of the dinosaurs, im game.

I think it's time for Vince Carter to make his movie debut. What a cross-promotional opportunity here.

 

[Comfort_Eagle]

Was it Dinosaucers?

Holy shit i used to love that show when i was a kid! Wow, now i feel like trying to track down some episodes for some reason.

 

[Dan]

Just because something is supposed to be "over the top and crazy" doesn't make it good.

 

[levious]

I think this is way over your head guys. This is supposed to be over the top and crazy, the guy who wrote it is known for this type of stuff. You guys saying "add ninjas and pirates" shows that while you are versed in the latest clever quips and pop-culture references, you have no idea how to use them in context. If anything the joke is on you.

Addition for the people who just don't get it. - The script is subversive

I don't get defecation mixed with eroticism... but that doesn't mean it's over my head.

 

[Tool]

I think this is way over your head guys. This is supposed to be over the top and crazy, the guy who wrote it is known for this type of stuff. You guys saying "add ninjas and pirates" shows that while you are versed in the latest clever quips and pop-culture references, you have no idea how to use them in context. If anything the joke is on you.

Addition for the people who just don't get it. - The script is subversive

Who wrote the script and what else has he done?

 

[sc0la]

It sounds like an excuse for a new series of action figures.

Bingo. Exactly what I was thinking.

 

[levious]

Well if someone explains it to you and you refuse to accept their explanation and respect their intentions then yes, you are right it isn't over your head, you are just dense.

have fun shitting on yourself when this movie releases then... I'll stay home with all the other dense people in the world.

 

[Tenguman]

?!? There's going to be a 4 ?!! I saw 3 last night and it was the most terrible POS I've seen in a long time. And I've seen the Matrix Sequels!

*runs*

 

[cybamerc]

A Dino Riders movie would be awesome. JP4 sounds like shit though. You really have to wonder why Spielberg doesn't care more about the quality of these movies.

 

[cybamerc]

?!? There's going to be a 4 ?!! I saw 3 last night and it was the most terrible POS I've seen in a long time. And I've seen the Matrix Sequels!

*runs*

It's better than the amateurish King Kong remake that goes by the name The Lost World.

 

[Willco]

I don't know care what he made and I'm well versed on the subject. This idea is trash.

 

[Dan]

Bogdan - I'd love to know where you get this claim that JP4 is subversive. The article at AICN certainly doesn't give that impression.

 

[jobber]

2 was about bringing Dinos home and they go crazy
3 was about going to the mysterious 2nd island with dna enhanced Dinos

2+3=$

 

[Willco]

IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE TRASHY!!!! Way to go you figured it out.

You're an idiot.

It's one thing to make a completely original idea, a whole world and concept and make it campy. I like those films.

It's one thing to take a franchise that is not and transform it into something silly like this.

This is like Spielberg making Schindler's List 2 featuring Killer Klowns From Outer Space and Nazi ninja pirates.

 

[Matlock]

THE LIST HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY NAZI PIRATE NINJAS
ARE YOU A BAD ENOUGH DINO DUDE TO SAVE IT

 

[Willco]

THE LIST HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY NAZI PIRATE NINJAS
ARE YOU A BAD ENOUGH DINO DUDE TO SAVE IT

You're going to give him ideas!

... I also demand a "Story By" credit.

 

[fennec fox]

I'm first in line for this movie, the best idea since Baby Geniuses.