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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Right off the bat: I think you should nix the two selfies (pics 4 and 5) since they're the same exact pose and aren't doing you any favors.
I would suggest leaving the First Things People Notice About Me and the Most Private Thing I'm Willing To Admit sections blank since that's antiquated and not used anymore. There's also capitalization issues.
Your entire 6 Things You Can't Do Without list is very cliche and run of the mill; laughter, friends and family, adventure, pen and paper are stuff I've seen in many girls' profiles. I think you should replace that with more unique stuff that you like. Maybe it's the sound of keys clinking against your jeans, a particular kind of beer, etc.
Getting stoned in the Typical Friday night section gives off the impression that you're a stoner. For that section, I think something witty would work e.g. in my profile, I put Dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight, a reference to Tim Burton's Batman.
I would nix this entire section:
Why? Because it sounds negative. People who make a laundry list of things they don't like on their profile is a turn off. It's similar to the people who mention that they're "drama free." You already mentioned that you're in an open polyamorous relationship right off the bat; there's no need to echo it. The same goes for repeating what you're studying at college in the thinking about section since you repeat it again. The Thinking About section sounds super serious so as whole, I think your profile needs to more relaxed. Hope that helps.
So I finished meeting up with a British girl who's my age from CMB about an hour ago. We had been going back and forth and casually texting. It went pretty damn well. We walked through the park since it was a nice day to be outside, I asked her questions about herself not about her job since she came out of work. When we finally sat at a bench, I started touching her a bit, including her hands and we did a thumb wrestling match. I noticed that whenever I want to make out with a girl, my heart starts racing and I make conversation to drag it out (read overthinking).
That being said, I finally went for it and made out with her. It was great. We ended up cuddling for a bit and touched each other's hair. Around 7:45pm (met at 6:40) she decided to cut it short since it was getting dark and walked me to the bus stop where I got a hug and two quick kisses. So here I am writing this post. I'll text her right after this post stating that I had a good time and we should do it again next week.
A plus for me was that she's tall at 5'11'' even though I don't have a strict height preference but I do like taller girls. She looked like her pictures. Plus I noticed that she had a tongue piercing which is interesting. Even though we only met up for a little over an hour, it was one of those dates that was short and sweet. She gave me a few ideas for the net one. I also like the fact that it wasn't a massive cock tease complete with blue balls unlike stoner girl who I'm meeting up with again tomorrow. Her accent was icing on the cake since I find the British accent to be charming.
I'm also setting up plans for a date next Sunday with a graphic designer who I share having a knack for sketching people with. That's also from CMB so while OKC and Tinder has slown drastically as I stopped messaging girls, CMB has has been popping like popcorn for me so I've been using it more.
That being said, I finally went for it and made out with her. It was great. We ended up cuddling for a bit and touched each other's hair. Around 7:45pm (met at 6:40) she decided to cut it short since it was getting dark and walked me to the bus stop where I got a hug and two quick kisses. So here I am writing this post. I'll text her right after this post stating that I had a good time and we should do it again next week.
A plus for me was that she's tall at 5'11'' even though I don't have a strict height preference but I do like taller girls. She looked like her pictures. Plus I noticed that she had a tongue piercing which is interesting. Even though we only met up for a little over an hour, it was one of those dates that was short and sweet. She gave me a few ideas for the net one. I also like the fact that it wasn't a massive cock tease complete with blue balls unlike stoner girl who I'm meeting up with again tomorrow. Her accent was icing on the cake since I find the British accent to be charming.
I'm also setting up plans for a date next Sunday with a graphic designer who I share having a knack for sketching people with. That's also from CMB so while OKC and Tinder has slown drastically as I stopped messaging girls, CMB has has been popping like popcorn for me so I've been using it more.
My fwb bailed on me too. The potential date this week told me she would get back to me and I've heard nothing. So a pretty rubbish week all round.
So my wife of 10 years and I split up. I joked with a friend that I didn't know how to meet women anymore and that I wasn't having any luck. He asked if I was on plenty of fish or eHarmony and I said no, I made an account on Grindr and none of the women were interested, even when I got desperate and tried for some of the less attractive ones...
I would call the reaction 'appalled' lol
Humour really helps with a time that otherwise fucking sucks.
I would call the reaction 'appalled' lol
Humour really helps with a time that otherwise fucking sucks.
FortuneFaded
Member
Maybe you should try men. We are easy to get along with.
Good shit Jhoan, that's moving pretty fast.
Been on a string of pretty good dates lately. Have like 4 dates this week planned, reconnected with two girls (one hit me back up even tho we haven't talked in months) who I had stopped talking to because I was in my feeling about someone else. Been getting closer again to this Korean girl I kinda fucked things up with. I can see myself being with her, but she's really hesitant. Still we always have a blast nowadays. Been pretty action packed
Been on a string of pretty good dates lately. Have like 4 dates this week planned, reconnected with two girls (one hit me back up even tho we haven't talked in months) who I had stopped talking to because I was in my feeling about someone else. Been getting closer again to this Korean girl I kinda fucked things up with. I can see myself being with her, but she's really hesitant. Still we always have a blast nowadays. Been pretty action packed
ZackieChan
Member
Did you ask if she was from North Korea? That's a real Dating-Age buzzkill
Jawmuncher
Member
I'm running dry on people for every app I have. I don't even have premium for tinder. I'm not exactly looking for something past 25-30 miles.
Looks like I'll just have to start actually going out. That'll be interesting.
Have you tried a zip next to you? That's rather odd since I'm out in the country pretty much and can still use the app.
Looks like I'll just have to start actually going out. That'll be interesting.
Have you tried a zip next to you? That's rather odd since I'm out in the country pretty much and can still use the app.
Yup, every zip in my town and a few in the city itself. Plus the town I work in. All pretty populated places so I'm sure it's some sort of glitch.
I keep getting a message like "Oops, something appears to be wrong" popping up, so maybe something is up with it today?
Could always be because I'm from London as well.
Stuff happens since it's the nature of the online dating beast. It's worth following up with the other girl to see what's up as she might have forgotten. Keep at it.
I prefer slower dates over being teased over and over again/fast ones. I have a gut feeling that today's date is going to be a waste of time so I feel like canning it. Then again, since she's meeting me in Manhattan, I can call the shots and end it early if I see that things are going that way again.
It seems like you've been busy. Good luck with those dates. Hopefully one of those pans out.
Try one of the big college zip codes. Then again, CMB has its share of bugs like Tinder does. At least the Android version does.
You can always delete your accounts and make new ones to reboot it. I definitely feel like I need to delete my Tinder profile and reboot it. Of course, nothing beats meeting people in person and at events.
Edit: Forgot to add that I texted the girl from last night and haven't heard back from her. Normally when this happens, they get back to me several hours later telling me that they weren't feeling it. I'm not sweating it though. I also set plans with graphic designer girl in stone for next Sunday.
Jawmuncher
Member
I think I'll do that soon then. Nothing tying me to these accounts. So a reboot along with a profile refresh would go a long way probably.
So date number 2 last night with stoner girl went pretty well again but the blue balls got their revenge. I relieved it by going to one my good friends' apartment to help him set up his table since he moved to my neighborhood yesterday. I definitely will be seeing her again contrary to my initial thoughts before the date. I feel bad for referring to her as a stoner since she's a really sweet girl so I'll refer to her as kinky Jewish girl going forward.
I feel like something starting to develop between us. I don't want to say girlfriend because that's not the right word I'm looking for but it's definitely a connection since I feel good around her. The second date is always the real first date since the first date is date 0.
Once again she was down for whatever and apologized to me for anything that she might have said while she was high and sick last week which I thought was very thoughtful. Things got a lot more touchy-feely on this date since I sat her on my lap which led to more teasing, kissing of the neck, full on straddling me like the hilariously awful dry hump scenes from Ride To Hell: Retribution, and running my hands along her body.
It got to the point where we were more or less dry humping each other in public complete with dry petting sans heavy make out sessions since she feels self-conscious about making out in public but with a few pecks on the lips. Everything short of tearing our clothes off and having sex which was implied yet again since she told me she was getting wet and once again hinted that we finish watching the first episode of The Getdown since I mentioned that I saw the first episode at the insistence of a friend.
I didn't seal the deal this date since because for some odd reason I didn't think to swipe in with her and get on approaching the train with her. However, she was hinting at future date ideas throughout the date and playfully asked if I was going to take her back to the hotel where I meet my boss at. For Date 3, I'm going to go all in and suggest meeting by her way for Netflix and chill since the sexual tension is off the charts at this point. If I don't hit a home run on the next date, then I'll come back here as GAF Man and retire from online dating for a while. I'm going to follow up with her today.
^^@Nudull, as a Hispanic straight guy, never but according to OKC I have 371 Likes at this point and I'm pretty damn sure I have plenty of new Likes. The thirst must be real.
I feel like something starting to develop between us. I don't want to say girlfriend because that's not the right word I'm looking for but it's definitely a connection since I feel good around her. The second date is always the real first date since the first date is date 0.
Once again she was down for whatever and apologized to me for anything that she might have said while she was high and sick last week which I thought was very thoughtful. Things got a lot more touchy-feely on this date since I sat her on my lap which led to more teasing, kissing of the neck, full on straddling me like the hilariously awful dry hump scenes from Ride To Hell: Retribution, and running my hands along her body.
It got to the point where we were more or less dry humping each other in public complete with dry petting sans heavy make out sessions since she feels self-conscious about making out in public but with a few pecks on the lips. Everything short of tearing our clothes off and having sex which was implied yet again since she told me she was getting wet and once again hinted that we finish watching the first episode of The Getdown since I mentioned that I saw the first episode at the insistence of a friend.
I didn't seal the deal this date since because for some odd reason I didn't think to swipe in with her and get on approaching the train with her. However, she was hinting at future date ideas throughout the date and playfully asked if I was going to take her back to the hotel where I meet my boss at. For Date 3, I'm going to go all in and suggest meeting by her way for Netflix and chill since the sexual tension is off the charts at this point. If I don't hit a home run on the next date, then I'll come back here as GAF Man and retire from online dating for a while. I'm going to follow up with her today.
^^@Nudull, as a Hispanic straight guy, never but according to OKC I have 371 Likes at this point and I'm pretty damn sure I have plenty of new Likes. The thirst must be real.
ArgyleReptile
Banned
After taking a couple months hiatus and the start of school, I'm about to jump back into OKC. Aside from giving me another avenue, it'll allow me to potentially take more (interesting) pics.
For now, however, would someone be so kind as to look over my profile and tell me how it reads and if it needs improvement/deprovement? I'll send the link in a PM.
For now, however, would someone be so kind as to look over my profile and tell me how it reads and if it needs improvement/deprovement? I'll send the link in a PM.
jadedm17
Member
This is a new situation for me so any insight would be appreciated.
My profile : (Any advice welcome as well, I'll be updating and adding some pictures this week.)
https://www.okcupid.com/profile/MrShakusky
Can anyone explain what exactly happened here? I'm confused.
My profile : (Any advice welcome as well, I'll be updating and adding some pictures this week.)
https://www.okcupid.com/profile/MrShakusky
Can anyone explain what exactly happened here? I'm confused.
She's tired of dating. Probably just made/updated her profile after a break up. Nothing towards you personally - though the really long first message might have something to do with it. Also in my experience the people with sad sack/woe is me profiles are generally wastes of time, they are just looking for a selfesteem boost/attention and never go past chat buddies.
Wait, who sent which message?
I'd critique your profile, but its set to "only visible to OKC members". Too lazy to create a new account, so *shrug*
User 479360
Banned
I haven't had any luck, and all my limited conversations have really fizzled out quickly, so I haven't had a need to post here at all. It's probably been a nice break, lol
jadedm17
Member
I was assuming context provided that as I replied to her self-summary.
Tired of dating : She liked me today when I updated my profile before work.
Long message : The general rules of dating are fun but the individual is left to determine which they do and don't follow; A few short paragraphs is just who I am, and I was only that long to remark to her self-summary.
Nothing towards me personally : Yea, I work with the public, nothing a stranger does can hurt my feelings.
Sure.
OKCupid - and online dating in general as a male - is best used as a casual passing tool you forget about and check occasionally : I've had some fun dates in my five years on and off, but you're far better off making a connection at work, school, bar, concert or similar public event. That's been my take anyways.
I just thought something was missing. Her bringing up distance seemed out of the blue. That she liked you first too? Confused is right.
I've long since learned that some situations you can't make sense of...its better to move on to girls who don't respond weirdly.
User 479360
Banned
It's tough to argue with that.
I don't leave the house a lot, and when I do to run errands or go to the movies, I don't really have any cojones to talk to any girls.
True Savior
Member
No one would be able to explain besides her, but your message is way too big. One topic at a time.
62% match?! I guess we can't be friends. The most obvious thing right off the bat that you need is more pictures doing different activities.For instance, borrow a friend's dog/cat and watch your visitors grow.
This very average:
While you don't have to go into super detail as to how interesting your life is, it would provide a few details as how you're enjoying your life. Show, don't tell.
This is a typo that needs to be fixed; nix the a and it's done:
This to me is very dry and boring:
Easy fix is to replace it with either facetious stuff e.g. You're a busty blonde with Barbie doll eyes or stuff that interests you/pokes fun of yourself.
An easy fix for this is to make a Breaking Bad reference since you mentioned it in one of your favorite shows. In this case, something along the lines of "Cooking meth in an RV with
As a whole, I think your profile is very bare bones and average. Bare bones profiles work when the pictures are damn good since most girls won't bother reading profiles and the pictures carry it. However, for the girls that do read profiles, it's worth adding some meat for them to chew on. Hope that helps!
-------
On another note, I have a third date with kinky Jewish girl tonight. Meeting up around her neck of the woods so it should be fun. It's the first time I've made it to a third date with any girl so it's a personal best record for me. If the last two dates have been any indicators, I think this one is going to go pretty damn well if I play my cards right.
Went on a date last night with a 24 year old graphic designer girl from CMB. She lives with her mom which I respect so we're in a similar boat. She seemed pretty cool. Didn't feel much chemistry outright but I'll follow up with her today to see if she's down to meet up again since we have a few things in common including art so I'll give her another chance. At least she looked like her pictures and works out which I like.
Lastly, I got ghosted by the British girl that I went out with last week since I contacted her again on Saturday after getting radio silence last Monday night and got nothing again. I deleted her number and moved on. Sometimes one has dates that go well but get nothing, other times one has dates that are awkward but bloom into something good.
ZackieChan
Member
Maybe work on yourself a bit before you even think about dating, then 😏
jadedm17
Member
ArgyleReptile said:
The main thing would probably just be your pictures : Less selfies, more "out doing things". Your main profile picture is great to me, though I don't get the dinosaur pic? I'd try and get at least two more pictures, namely a body shot and an "out at the pub with friends" or "at a concert" type picture.
There's a lot of personality on display throughout which is great but some fat could be trimmed. ("Everything that comes across my mind", there's some redundancies.) I would just go through and cut some lines.
"On a typical Friday night I am" also seems a bit dry : I would add some public things you like to do, such as concerts or theme parks; If I could I'd play board/card/video games almost every night but you've got to be open to a partner that likes to go out as well - Balance in hobbies shared.
Overall fantastic profile.
jadedm17
Member
A lot of great advice, thank you.
Spent last week on vacation so my plan was to add more interesting photos this week, and update my profile in general.
It's also always great to see someone having general good luck and fun.
I'm bombing at first dates lately. I meet the lady for some friendly conversation, and feel good about it until at the end when I ask to meet her again, and she acts like I'm crazy. Does anyone have any do and do nots for first dates? I didn't have this problem before, but maybe the mid-thirties women I'm meeting lately have different standards.
ArgyleReptile
Banned
Arkos
Nose how to spell and rede to
Just saw this girl on PoF who listed her job as "Deli Associate." I'm like bitch you make sandwiches lol.
..nah but it was kind of funny I've finally had a couple of conversations over the past week after mooonths of no matches, no replies, lame conversations that putter out. So that's kind of cool.
..nah but it was kind of funny
I've finally had a couple of conversations over the past week after mooonths of no matches, no replies, lame conversations that putter out. So that's kind of cool.
jadedm17
Member
Define "lately". Weeks? Months? Objectively do you think you're fun, personable, easy to be around and listen as much - if not more - than you talk? (I like to go at least 60/40.) If so I wouldn't worry too much : We all have our string of bad luck.
First dates are about building attraction and getting to know each other so there's a lot of variables at play to worry too much. Personally I've had some excellent first dates I just didnt feel worth dating more and (admittedly more often) that happened to me. Reflect on what you can learn from and don't take it personally.
Thanks for the advice. It's only been within the past month. So just long enough to get frustrating. Though of course just after writing that I had a date with a woman who can't wait to meet up again. I'm the kind of guy who wants to understand how things turn out, so I'd rather have a bad first date that doesn't lead anywhere than a good one that's a one off.
Had a wonderful night last night. Let's just say some stuff happened and my 1 year and 1 month dry spell finally ended. Was rusty but the tricks I learned last year were put to good use. I'll shake off the rust in due time. Things are progressing pretty damn well as I like how things are going so far.
Had a wonderful night last night. Let's just say some stuff happened and my 1 year and 1 month dry spell finally ended. Was rusty but the tricks I learned last year were put to good use. I'll shake off the rust in due time. Things are progressing pretty damn well as I like how things are going so far.
Which of your dates was it?
There are way too many variables at play to properly give advice as to how your first dates could be going poorly. For example, I can't even definitely say what a woman in her mid-thirties would be looking for. The stereotype would be that they just want a guy with a job who doesn't live with their parents, looking to settle down; but I've met women in their 30s who still live with their parents, have no job and some that are alcoholics with arrested development only looking for casual sex. ¯\_(ツ
_/¯Hahaha, thanks! Ms. I-gave-you-blue-balls-twice after dry humping her. Once she took a few puffs of her bong, it was on. I showed her my sketchbook but we never made it to the most recent entry.( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Which of your dates was it?
Hey_Blinkin
Member
I finally convinced myself to make profiles on OKCupid and Match (neither paid) a couple months ago. I'm 35 and I have absolutely no social life and no dating experience so just making the profiles was kind of a big step for me. I left most of the fields blank except for favorite movies, shows, and what I'm looking for in a partner. I also made sure to put my barely above minimum wage salary on there too just so women know. I have a very unremarkable life and I don't want to hide that. I know that will drastically lower my chances but I don't want to mislead anyone.
I finally worked up the courage to message someone over the weekend with no response. But as soon as I sent the message I regretted what I wrote. I made sure to let her know just how sad my life was as if it was a warning not to accept the invitation to have lunch with me. I would say "oh well, live and learn", but her profile was really the only one that has stood out to me in the two months I've been browsing, so it does suck that I feel like I blew that chance, if I ever had one in the first place.
These sites really feel like better as a passive experience for people who are meeting people on a regular basis. Not ideal for people like me who very rarely interact with new people. But I don't want to be alone forever, so I guess I'll stick with it. I'll just have to not be so goddamn picky about possible partners. I'm sure as hell not a catch myself.
I finally worked up the courage to message someone over the weekend with no response. But as soon as I sent the message I regretted what I wrote. I made sure to let her know just how sad my life was as if it was a warning not to accept the invitation to have lunch with me. I would say "oh well, live and learn", but her profile was really the only one that has stood out to me in the two months I've been browsing, so it does suck that I feel like I blew that chance, if I ever had one in the first place.
These sites really feel like better as a passive experience for people who are meeting people on a regular basis. Not ideal for people like me who very rarely interact with new people. But I don't want to be alone forever, so I guess I'll stick with it. I'll just have to not be so goddamn picky about possible partners. I'm sure as hell not a catch myself.
ZackieChan
Member
No dating experience - super picky. Something isn't adding up, breh
Just order a bride from Eastern Europe or Asia.
I mean, you are so far behind the curve I don't know how you'll ever catch up. Not to discourage you but man your post is rough to even read. I don't know where you should start. Therapy maybe.
Dating is like interviewing for a new job. You don't tell your interviewer up front that you are underqualified and lead a sad life. No, you tell them that you are ready to do your best. Just like you don't tell your potential date that you have "a very unremarkable life". How did you think that was a good idea?
Good shit bro, where she from?
...messaging isn't the big issue here. Dude's got less self-esteem than the Moon has air. An online profile is you advertising yourself, and he can't come up with any positive aspects of his life with which to flesh one out. Even the only messaging one girl in two months thing...could be pickiness, but its more likely him seeing girls as so far out of reach as to not be worth trying.
Before he even thinks of sending more messages, he needs to realize that he's worth giving a shit about. Something like that is better left to professionals than it is us.
Man this sounds like one of my good friends several years into the future to a T since he has 0 dating experience at 28, is picky when he has no foundation to begin with, and has self-loathing issues. I agree with everyone else that I think you should see a therapist for the rock bottom self-esteem issues.
I mean one of the biggest online dating faux pas is don't send out anything negative/self-loathing that will definitely NOT get a reply. The other faux pas is messaging ONE girl when you should be messaging many girls. I mean let me realistic and honest in stating that all human beings are flawed since that's the beauty of it so why be so picky when you have no dates under your belt to speak of? When you have a sufficient amount of experience under your belt, then you tick away what you look for. All kinds of factors go into a date such as a a girl having good breath or foul breath, body language,etc. From personal experience, I can tell you that every single date I've been on whether good, okay, or boring, has taught me something about myself which I use to apply it to later experiences.
The million dollar question is would you date yourself in your current situation?
She's a super liberal Jewish girl who grew up in Brooklyn, moved to Long Island, then moved back into the city. I make a lot of jokes with her about Judaism since one of my good friends is Jewish and also from Long Island but moved up to my neck of the woods last week.
ZeronosVega
Member
Yeah, I think you need to address why you feel your own value is so low and what you can do to improve that. It's beyond what any of us can do here, but that's the first step. See a professional, and I say this from experience, because you may have an underlying issue that is holding you back. Do what you have to do to feel better.
Also, having preferences is fine, we all have them, but I guarantee you that you're rarely ever find someone who checks off all of those boxes in your head. Be adventurous and take the opportunity to meet people and learn about them and, most importantly, about yourself.