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[timetokill]

Timetokill I got you fam. I am from Vancouver so I know all about Pacific Northwest hiking. For simple short day hike when it is hot, I googled around and found photos like this:

Pretty easy with just a tshirt and some cargo shorts of some sort. Bring a small backpack for water bottle and sun screen. I currently have a tally going for the number of guys who got sun burnt hanging with me because of that haha. Hiking shoes not necessary because you probably shouldn't be tackling hard hike as a beginner anyways. Nice comfy shoes is fine and enjoy the view besides, I wouldn't want to invest in something until I know I will like it and use it frequently. Let me know if you got your questions.

You're my favorite! 😃
I want to go hiking with you, Mapel.

We can bring your shiba!

 

[NIGHT-]

That's why you have someone else in mind before you cut someone off like that

But is it really right to pull her around if I knew she wasn't the right person for me?

 

[Servbot24]

But is it really right to pull her around if I knew she wasn't the right person for me?

Nope, you did the right thing.

 

[Astral]

That's why you have someone else in mind before you cut someone off like that

That's kinda messed up.

 

[Damerman]

Reggie Watts is my spirit animal. I don't know how he keeps his beautiful mane of hair so well maintained aside from having more than enough money to afford a hair care team and a beard grooming team:



And I find myself using shampoo/conditioners that are sulfate free and/or treat frizzy hair since my hair turns into Reggie Watts' hair if left unwashed and dry for a few days. This stuff is pretty damn solid for curly hair:

is that you in your avatar? if so, we have very similar hair. aside from that shampoo and conditioner, what else do you do?

I'm going to start using coconut oil to strengthen my hair and keeping it hydrated.

 

[Az987]

I got dumped last weekend from someone id been with for 3 weeks. I keep running through relationships like from 0-100 mph in 5 seconds and then crash into a brick wall.

Tried to move on the next day, had a date Friday and today with 2 different women I met online but I went and fucked the ex on Saturday.

She's dating someone new and likes him and is taking it slow so she doesn't crash and burn like we did. She was seeing him tonight. Whoops, sorry I seduced you, gave you a hicky and left a used condom in your trash can that I'm pretty sure you won't notice because you're stoned.

I'm a fucking asshole lol. He probably wouldn't care since he's fucking 40.

Oh what a 4 week ride. Planning to go with her to a strip club soon!

I should probably stop because I feel like I love her I'm pretty sure I'll go fuck her anytime the opportunity presents itself unless I'm in another 3 week relationship because we have too much fun.

I'm sad but laughing at the same time becsuse the whole thing is absurd to me.

Here's my dating life:
Day1 fall in love
Day2 were together
Day3 move in
Day4 married
Day5 honeymoon
Day6 separation
Day7 divorce

 

[Lucian Cat]

is that you in your avatar? if so, we have very similar hair. aside from that shampoo and conditioner, what else do you do?

I'm going to start using coconut oil to strengthen my hair and keeping it hydrated.

Use a product with keratin too. That's made my hair silky smooth.

I also use this stuff to keep my curls in check
https://www.ogxbeauty.com/hair/kukui-oil/

Get hair compliments all the time. And not just for the absurd colours.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

That's kinda messed up.

That's kinda the norm.

 

[Septimius]

I got dumped last weekend from someone id been with for 3 weeks. I keep running through relationships like from 0-100 mph in 5 seconds and then crash into a brick wall.

Tried to move on the next day, had a date Friday and today with 2 different women I met online but I went and fucked the ex on Saturday.

She's dating someone new and likes him and is taking it slow so she doesn't crash and burn like we did. She was seeing him tonight. Whoops, sorry I seduced you, gave you a hicky and left a used condom in your trash can that I'm pretty sure you won't notice because you're stoned.

I'm a fucking asshole lol. He probably wouldn't care since he's fucking 40.

Oh what a 4 week ride. Planning to go with her to a strip club soon!

I should probably stop because I feel like I love her I'm pretty sure I'll go fuck her anytime the opportunity presents itself unless I'm in another 3 week relationship because we have too much fun.

I'm sad but laughing at the same time becsuse the whole thing is absurd to me.

Here's my dating life:
Day1 fall in love
Day2 were together
Day3 move in
Day4 married
Day5 honeymoon
Day6 separation
Day7 divorce

Well, what do you want me to say? You're pretty much describing exactly why things happen the way they do. My girlfriend and I decided to move together after having been together for about a month. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but when you say you're sad you got dumped, but then you have someone else lined up to date, then you go and do these bad things and say "I'm and asshole lol", I don't really know what to say.

That's why you have someone else in mind before you cut someone off like that

I'm sad when people throw around obviously shitty things to do around like this. These aren't dating advice, they're advice on how to just be a bad person. When something's not working with someone and you don't see a future, you don't toy with their emotions because it's easier for you.

 

[Messofanego]

---

By the way peoples, still looking for online resources and book suggestions for the new OT. I'm about to go scour posts from like... 300 onward to check to make sure I got the common questions asked and whatnot, but help with that is always appreciated

PM Zackie Chan, I'm sure he can give like 20 FAQs and answers.

Timetokill I got you fam. I am from Vancouver so I know all about Pacific Northwest hiking. For simple short day hike when it is hot, I googled around and found photos like this:

BAHAHA at the guy checking his biceps XD

 

[JimmyRustler]

Texting habits is something that's touched upon in Modern Romance. In short, the more "uncertain" your replies are, the more the person you're texting will think about you. The more they think about you, the more likely they are to like you.

It's better though if we just don't analyze texting habits. In spite of everything else, the true gauge of interest is "Do they want to spend time with you?"

In the case of not getting a response, I see no problem with (1) giving them time to respond, and (2) Trying again, just once more. I wouldn't get my hopes up, but it lets you verify their lack of interest without looking like a creep.

Yeah, absolutely with you on this. It's just kinda hard to get used to it at first. Especially ever since WhatsApps has added the feature that you actually see if your message has been read. So seeing that your message has been read but it still takes multiple hours to get a reply is something you certainly have to get used to. Naturally, as you say, it's not a bad sign per se because it means that they actually think about what they reply before doing so. By now I also take my sweet time to reply. There is really no harm in this.

 

[grap3fruitman]

I tried talking to a girl whom I think was flirting with me. I was pretty proud of myself for being able to maintain as much small talk as I did but I don't know what to say after the initial small talk. Then came the awkward silence. What kinds of things are you supposed to say or do? I've never learned to socialize so this might be a lost cause for me. I don't know how to interact with human beings.

 

[Septimius]

I tried talking to a girl whom I think was flirting with me. I was pretty proud of myself for being able to maintain as much small talk as I did but I don't know what to say after the initial small talk. Then came the awkward silence. What kinds of things are you supposed to say or do? I've never learned to socialize so this might be a lost cause for me. I don't know how to interact with human beings.

hey grap3. Normally you build a conversation off of the things that come up during the small talk. Whatever they say might cause a thought in your head. Something like:
Her: "Oh, the weather was so good this weekend"
"yeah, I was at my cabin"
"oh, where's your cabin?"
"It's by blahblah"
"I know someone from there!"
"Really? What's her name?"
"Tiffany"
"I knew a Tiffany once. She was a bitch. Hey, maybe it's her?!"
"Hahahah"

That's when the panties fly off and you're successful.

It's really all about just building on the conversation you're already having. You can start as a simple question as "Where did you grow up?" and "Do you have any brothers or sister?". From there, you get to know them, and when you think about something, you say it. If they talk about how they grew up on a farm, and you start thinking about Dwight from The Office, you ask if they're a beet farmer like Dwight is. Then suddenly you're both talking about how much you love The Office and it just rolls from there. Dwight loves Battlestar Galactica, so there's your segway into BSG. It's easy to just get lost in conversation.

 

[JimmyRustler]

I tried talking to a girl whom I think was flirting with me. I was pretty proud of myself for being able to maintain as much small talk as I did but I don't know what to say after the initial small talk. Then came the awkward silence. What kinds of things are you supposed to say or do? I've never learned to socialize so this might be a lost cause for me. I don't know how to interact with human beings.

Write down and memorize some topics. Like "What you do for living?", "What would you like to do for a living?" etc. Google some topics. Save some of them in your phone so you can Ninja check if you run out. Generally try to keep her talking as much as possible, meaning don't browse through all the topics you memorized like a robot. Keep the natural flow of the coversation and only go over to the next topic when the previous one is truly exhausted.

A lot of people told me I should just go into a date and be spontanious.... Biggest bullshit ever! Never go on a date unprepared, especially the first one since this is going to leave the biggest mark.

 

[Septimius]

A lot of people told me I should just go into a date and be spontanious.... Biggest bullshit ever! Never go on a date unprepared, especially the first one since this is going to leave the biggest mark.

Care to elaborate?

 

[JimmyRustler]

Care to elaborate?

Like I already said, memorize some topics to talk about and/or save them in your phone to Ninja check so you don't run out. There is nothing worse than this awkward silence when your done with one topic and then struggle to come up with the next as your nervous brain goes in blank mode.

The most successful guys I've met weren't that spontaneous at all. A huge amount of the stuff they were saying was obviously studied because they repeated themselves a lot. But you would not notice that as a girl because they were really good at making it not sound studied at all.

So yeah, preparation is crucial.

 

[vern]

Like I already said, memorize some topics to talk about and/or save them in your phone to Ninja check so you don't run out. There is nothing worse than this awkward silence when your done with one topic and then struggle to come up with the next as your nervous brain goes in blank mode.

The most successful guys I've met weren't that spontaneous at all. A huge amount of the stuff they were saying was obviously studied because they repeated themselves a lot. But you would not notice that as a girl because they were really good at making it not sound studied at all.

So yeah, preparation is crucial.

No one likes a robot. And your dates will be boring if you always chat about the same shit. I guess if you are incapable of carrying a discussion or thinking on your feet then having some topics at the ready is ok, but man... Really? That would feel lame to me.

 

[Az987]

Well, what do you want me to say? You're pretty much describing exactly why things happen the way they do. My girlfriend and I decided to move together after having been together for about a month. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but when you say you're sad you got dumped, but then you have someone else lined up to date, then you go and do these bad things and say "I'm and asshole lol", I don't really know what to say.



I'm sad when people throw around obviously shitty things to do around like this. These aren't dating advice, they're advice on how to just be a bad person. When something's not working with someone and you don't see a future, you don't toy with their emotions because it's easier for you.

I don't know, I guess I was just venting but I don't see anything wrong with when I have some first dates if I'm messing around with someone else. First dates are first dates and until we're exclusive I'm going to do what I feel and imo as long as my ex and I are aware of what we're doing I don't see the issue.

It's a need to know basis and someone I'm not in a relationship with doesn't really have the right to know and vice versa.

Saying I'm an asshole was more about me ever so slightly trying to fuck up my ex's date but she knew what we were doing.

Edit: I don't know why I'm sad. Am I sad because I love her or do I get attached to quickly or am I sad just because she doesn't love me? Am I sad because I miss her or if I just switched her out with someone similar would I be completely fine? I don't know if I can differentiate love from lust, infatuation and attachment.

 

[gaiages]

That's why you have someone else in mind before you cut someone off like that

Pretty gross, dude.

I don't know, I guess I was just venting but I don't see anything wrong with when I have some first dates if I'm messing around with someone else. First dates are first dates and until we're exclusive I'm going to do what I feel and imo as long as my ex and I are aware of what we're doing I don't see the issue.

It's a need to know basis and someone I'm not in a relationship with doesn't really have the right to know and vice versa.

Saying I'm an asshole was more about me ever so slightly trying to fuck up my ex's date but she knew what we were doing.

Edit: I don't know why I'm sad. Am I sad because I love her or do I get attached to quickly or am I sad just because she doesn't love me? Am I sad because I miss her or if I just switched her out with someone similar would I be completely fine? I don't know if I can differentiate love from lust, infatuation and attachment.

You already know why you're sad, because you go from 0-100 in no time and get way too attached, which ruins the relationship and leaves you feeling hurt.

It's been three weeks, you shouldn't be acting like this if you went about it a little more slowly. Learn to take things more slowly and not over-invest.

You already know what you're doing wrong, make changes to fix it instead of saying "lol I'm an asshole" and ignoring it.

 

[Az987]

Pretty gross, dude.



You already know why you're sad, because you go from 0-100 in no time and get way too attached, which ruins the relationship and leaves you feeling hurt.

It's been three weeks, you shouldn't be acting like this if you went about it a little more slowly. Learn to take things more slowly and not over-invest.

You already know what you're doing wrong, make changes to fix it instead of saying "lol I'm an asshole" and ignoring it.

Good advice. I guess I tend to ignore my own common sense and let my feelings do the thinking instead of my brain.

 

[Bruce Springsteen]

But is it really right to pull her around if I knew she wasn't the right person for me?

It's a normal thing in the casual dating scene. Not saying it's necessarily right

 

[JimmyRustler]

No one likes a robot. And your dates will be boring if you always chat about the same shit. I guess if you are incapable of carrying a discussion or thinking on your feet then having some topics at the ready is ok, but man... Really? That would feel lame to me.

That's why I said he should not go through the topics like a robot... Ideally the conversation goes well and he doesn't need the notes at all, which is of course the goal. But it doesn't hurt to have some coal in the sleeve if the fire is seeming to die out.

This is just my opinion though. Everyone to his own. If you're confident and relaxed enough there is no need for something like this. But who is that really?

 

[vern]

That's why I said he should not go through the topics like a robot... Ideally the conversation goes well and he doesn't need the notes at all, which is of course the goal. But it doesn't hurt to have some coal in the sleeve if the fire is seeming to die out.

This is just my opinion though. Everyone to his own. If you're confident and relaxed enough there is no need for something like this. But who is that really?

I guess it's me. If there is a lull just observe something interesting in the cafe or her earrings or...I don't know! There are billions of things you could come up with. Having a cheat sheet would kill the fun I feel like. Just going through the motions of dating.

 

[gwailo]

Having notes on your phone is a terrible idea. If you look at your phone (even a quick glance) it indicates you're bored and will kill the date.

 

[Llyranor]

That's why you hire a friend with cue cards instead

 

[knavish]

I guess it's me. If there is a lull just observe something interesting in the cafe or her earrings or...I don't know! There are billions of things you could come up with. Having a cheat sheet would kill the fun I feel like. Just going through the motions of dating.

exactly its a date not an interview. Seriously notes?

Be yourself, have a laugh, don't take it / yourself too seriously and you'll all be fine.

Don't be a fun sponge and have notes

 

[grap3fruitman]

There is nothing worse than this awkward silence when your done with one topic and then struggle to come up with the next as your nervous brain goes in blank mode.

This so much. You just stand there like an idiot... It's a terrible, sinking feeling.

No one likes a robot. And your dates will be boring if you always chat about the same shit. I guess if you are incapable of carrying a discussion or thinking on your feet then having some topics at the ready is ok, but man... Really? That would feel lame to me.

What's someone supposed to do? Magically turn into master converser? Must be nice not to have this problem.

exactly its a date not an interview. Seriously notes?

Be yourself, have a laugh, don't take it / yourself too seriously and you'll all be fine.

Don't be a fun sponge and have notes

If you can't think of a single damn thing to say? I've never had friends, I don't get to go out, I've never been allowed to socialize and this is infinitely more difficult than you're making it out to be. My only experience talking to people is on forums like Gaf.

It wasn't even a date either, I'm not that lucky. I don't even know how you would ask someone out or turn the conversation that way. This was some girl at a shop that was being nice. Wasn't sure if she was just to get me to buy something but still... I felt like it was kind of flirty. What do I know though?

Thanks anyway guys.

i don't believe you cant think of anything to say. Its a conversation, people overthink it way too much. You ask a question, she replies, you say something in return and thus a conversation has started. If you kind of try and keep it in an area that you know of then you can add to the conversation.

Anxiety shuts down high brain functions. I literally "freeze."

Serious question and I don't mean to be rude but if you're openly admitting you've never been allowed out, have limited social experience then shouldn't you deal with that first before you start dating? I believe you'd have a much better time this way.

Isn't trying to socialize "dealing with it"? How else did you all learn to socialize? You were all fortunate to have friends growing up. That's how you learned. You didn't go to therapy to learn to socialize.

 

[knavish]

This so much. You just stand there like an idiot... It's a terrible, sinking feeling.


What's someone supposed to do? Magically turn into master converser? Must be nice not to have this problem.


If you can't think of a single damn thing to say? I've never had friends, I don't get to go out, I've never been allowed to socialize and this is infinitely more difficult than you're making it out to be.

i don't believe you cant think of anything to say. Its a conversation, people overthink it way too much. You ask a question, she replies, you say something in return and thus a conversation has started. If you kind of try and keep it in an area that you know of then you can add to the conversation??

Silence is also OK too, never a bad thing if its short.

Serious question and I don't mean to be rude but if you're openly admitting you've never been allowed out, have limited social experience then shouldn't you deal with that first before you start dating? I believe you'd have a much better time this way.

 

[Az987]

You know, there's some self help books that would probably help a lot of people in here.

How to speak, how to listen and How to win friends and influence people helped me a lot and I have pretty severe social anxiety.

You don't need notes just a game plan. People love to talk about themselves. Get your date talking about her work or a hobby and just run with it. Follow up questions, laugh, smile.

I hate talking about myself so this is basically all I do. People have this assumption that being a good listener is just listening but it's not, it's engaging who you're listening to so you show them you're actually listening and interested in what they have to say.

Hell, I've had dates where I just ask what shows she watches and just let her run with it.

It's the simplest thing in the world because like 99% of people love to talk about themselves.

 

[gwailo]

It sounds like you should be in therapy instead of trying to go on dates. Getting a date isn't going to magically solve that level of social awkwardness; if anything, it will make it worse. Believe me, if you're seriously contemplating bringing cliff's notes to a date, that will come off as completely bizarre and will have your date rushing for the door.

 

[grap3fruitman]

Edit: forget it

 

[knavish]

Anxiety shuts down high brain functions. I literally "freeze."


Isn't trying to socialize "dealing with it"?

I understand man and I do feel for you. In my opinion you should seek some assistance with that. Find a group of mates that you can hang with, if they have girl mates too then even better, you can work on your chat skills knowing that its safe, you wont be judged and nothing major will happen because of it.

I had a tough upbringing where my parents wouldn't allow me out, i went to an all boys school and really didn't know how to speak to girls. That all changed when i realised that its ok for girls to be friends too.

I've been quite lucky when it comes to women, not because I'm at all good looking because I've learnt to chill when talking to them, being natural is the best way. IMHO women love confidence and a man who knows what he wants/likes/etc I know thats easy for me to say and its not something that happens overnight, its a learning process. Work on that first and the girls will be easier to talk to/ask out.

 

[knavish]

Edit: forget it

ahhh man don't be like that. People are only trying to help.

You're right I didn't go to therapy to learn any social skills. That did come form having friends. You can still make friends regardless of how old you are.

like most people I got rejected more times than not, you stumble through conversations and yes sometimes its awkward. But you learn from those experiences until its starts to affect you less. If you're wanting to put "yourself out there" then you will have to go through some of this.

 

[n64coder]

What's someone supposed to do? Magically turn into master converser? Must be nice not to have this problem.

Practice, practice, practice. When you make mistakes, learn from them for next time.

This weekend, I was blueberry picking with a friend and came across two mtn bike riders (a guy and a girl (they were friends)). We just started chatting as a group about bikes, blueberries and then I was chatting separately with the woman (late 30s) for about 35 minutes while my friend got "stuck" with the guy. The key was to listen and look for a connection. During the conversation she mentioned that she has a son who is at a school for sailing so then I mentioned my interest and talked about that for 10 minutes. Then she mentioned NJ and I mentioned how I also grew up there, etc.

The more you chat with people, the better you'll get at conversations. I didn't have this skill when I was younger. I had to work at improving myself.

 

[JimmyRustler]

What's someone supposed to do? Magically turn into master converser? Must be nice not to have this problem.

Didn't you know? GAF is full of master converser. ;-)

Don't listen to this bullcrap. Everywhere you're better off if you're prepared one way or the other. Whether it be notes or extensive evaluating what you can talk about beforehand, don't go in blind if you know you ain't staying completely relaxed during the whole date - and I seriously doubt that anyone can stay relaxed except if he/she has like a dozen dates per month.

 

[knavish]

Didn't you know? GAF is full of master converser. ;-)

Don't listen to this bullcrap. Everywhere you're better off if you're prepared one way or the other. Whether it be notes or extensive evaluating what you can talk about beforehand, don't go in blind if you know you ain't staying completely relaxed during the whole date - and I seriously doubt that anyone can stay relaxed except if he/she has like a dozen dates per month.

what bits bullcrap?

Yeah that's it prepare for a date - make detailed notes, take them with you...have them on your phone. When it doesn't go your scripted way then what? what happens if she wants to talk about something that you haven't prepared for....

"i'll get back to you on that when I've had time to prepare"

Of course you can stay relaxed and no you don't need a dozen dates a month for that to happen.

 

[Jayof9s]

Didn't you know? GAF is full of master converser. ;-)

Don't listen to this bullcrap. Everywhere you're better off if you're prepared one way or the other. Whether it be notes or extensive evaluating what you can talk about beforehand, don't go in blind if you know you ain't staying completely relaxed during the whole date - and I seriously doubt that anyone can stay relaxed except if he/she has like a dozen dates per month.

I can totally agree with this. I mean, don't go in with a list and run through questions like a checklist, but you should have some idea of interests she has or that you share. Think of a handful of topics you all can discuss before the date when you're not nervous and worried about why the conversation is stalling and then if there's a pause and you both seem unsure what to talk about next, bring up something off the list.

"Oh right, you mentioned X. I love X... blah blah blah..." or "You said you did Y the other day, I've always wanted to more about Y." Obviously not that formulaic but it can definitely help add some direction to the conversation, which can happen on plenty of first dates for people that have exchanged like 5 messages before meeting, and hopefully you won't get one word responses that just lead to nothing.

 

[JimmyRustler]

what bits bullcrap?

Yeah that's it prepare for a date - make detailed notes, take them with you...have them on your phone. When it doesn't go your scripted way then what? what happens if she wants to talk about something that you haven't prepared for....

"i'll get back to you on that when I've had time to prepare"

I said Ninja check the notes if needed... What is so hard to understand about that? I'm not saying he should hold his phone up during the conversation and then read from it... Jesus Christ... And no matter how you turn it, it certainly cannot do any harm whatsoever to have a plan. If the date is going good, you won't need it. If it's not going good, it may improve it. So why not?

Of course you can stay relaxed and no you don't need a dozen dates a month for that to happen.

Yeah, of course. Especially when you dig the girl and your heart is hammering up to your throat. What episode was this again?

 

[Etrian Oddity]

It's a normal thing in the casual dating scene. Not saying it's necessarily right

I don't get the backlash you're receiving. You never leave a job without having another gig lined up, right?

Also, in my observations (both in and post-college), most girls I knew or know dropped their guy after they had already picked up another suitor.

I mean if you're in like a 6-year relationship then yeah, it's sleazy... but commitment is just not in demand from a lot of people these days.

 

[knavish]

I said Ninja check the notes if needed... What is so hard to understand about that? I'm not saying he should hold his phone up during the conversation and then read from it... Jesus Christ... And no matter how you turn it, it certainly cannot do any harm whatsoever to have a plan. If the date is going good, you won't need it. If it's not going good, it may improve it. So why not?


Yeah, of course. Especially when you dig the girl and your heart is hammering up to your throat. What episode was this again?

lol your heart is hammering up to your throat on your first date? wow! How about you chill and let it come naturally rather than putting all your eggs in one basket on the first date.

It may be best to work on yourself first, have some of your own interests, learn a skill, naturally you'll have more things you can talk about. If your date isn't going well no amount of "ninja checking" your notes is gonna fix that.

Also you never said which part was bullcrap? The guys said he has serious anxiety issues, do you think having notes will help him?

 

[vern]

What's someone supposed to do? Magically turn into master converser? Must be nice not to have this problem.

If you can't think of a single damn thing to say?

Anxiety shuts down high brain functions. I literally "freeze."

You don't need to be a master anything, just be yourself.

I already gave you things to say, look around the room, look at the girl, there must be something. Having canned lines is lame as hell though. Maybe there is an odd couple in the cafe? A young lady and old guy? Ask your date if she thinks they are a couple... Or better yet, mime what you think they are saying? Just have fun. You are in a room most likely (cafe or something) if it's a first date, it's full of thousands of things to talk about? Did you ever play "eye spy with my little eye" when you were a kid? Obviously probably don't play that game, but the concept is the same, look around for something and use it to your advantage. Maybe something reminds you of a story you could share? Or just do what the others said, keep it simple and let her talk? Or pull the old zackiechan trick and compare hand sizes or some other similar silly shit. I literally cannot imagine having notes of things to say prepared, and then looking at them, even like a ninja...

If you are completely shutting down and freezing I don't see how notes will help.

Didn't you know? GAF is full of master converser. ;-)

Don't listen to this bullcrap. Everywhere you're better off if you're prepared one way or the other. Whether it be notes or extensive evaluating what you can talk about beforehand, don't go in blind if you know you ain't staying completely relaxed during the whole date - and I seriously doubt that anyone can stay relaxed except if he/she has like a dozen dates per month.

You can easily be relaxed even if you have one date per year, you just have to know your own worth, and also not put so much pressure on this girl being "the one." You gotta realize she's just a person same as anyone else.

And I agree it's good to be prepared. It doesn't mean notes or having a pre determined list of topics, it means dressing well, grooming yourself well, and being open to whatever the night brings. Everyone has hobbies, stories, a childhood, siblings... Ask about that stuff, but just let it flow naturally where the conversation leads. Shit it's gotta be harder remembering a predetermined set of topics than just chatting naturally.

If there is literally nothing you can say without resorting to a list, how will date two and three and so on go? You aren't ready for dating if you gotta brainstorm everytime you see a girl.

 

[gaiages]

Everyone, please don't argue. Grap3fruitman comes in this thread time to time to "ask for advice" then challenge every point of adivice given, only to storm off and come back later with the same problem and his "WELL THAT WON'T WORK BECAUSE ___" attitude again. He actually got temp banned in the past because of it.

Better to just ignore him. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves or at least consider advice before hand waving it away.

 

[Messofanego]

That's why I said he should not go through the topics like a robot... Ideally the conversation goes well and he doesn't need the notes at all, which is of course the goal. But it doesn't hurt to have some coal in the sleeve if the fire is seeming to die out.

This is just my opinion though. Everyone to his own. If you're confident and relaxed enough there is no need for something like this. But who is that really?

I guess it's me. If there is a lull just observe something interesting in the cafe or her earrings or...I don't know! There are billions of things you could come up with. Having a cheat sheet would kill the fun I feel like. Just going through the motions of dating.

vern
confident and relaxed enough
(Today, 01:43 PM)

 

[Astral]

I don't get the backlash you're receiving. You never leave a job without having another gig lined up, right?

Also, in my observations (both in and post-college), most girls I knew or know dropped their guy after they had already picked up another suitor.

I mean if you're in like a 6-year relationship then yeah, it's sleazy... but commitment is just not in demand from a lot of people these days.

Oh it happens but it's still pretty shitty. You're still stringing someone along. You're not playing with someone's emotions when you stick with your crappy job only till you find something else.

 

[Septimius]

Didn't you know? GAF is full of master converser. ;-)

Don't listen to this bullcrap. Everywhere you're better off if you're prepared one way or the other. Whether it be notes or extensive evaluating what you can talk about beforehand, don't go in blind if you know you ain't staying completely relaxed during the whole date - and I seriously doubt that anyone can stay relaxed except if he/she has like a dozen dates per month.

This is heavily prejudiced and projecting. It's not healthy to be overly prepared, and will likely lead to anxiety in itself. It's being a control freak. Notes and ideas are ways to get better at socializing, but the use should subside after a couple of weeks of use, if you need them. Some people have a harder time holding a natural conversation, but I've certainly not had many dates in my life, and I can speak to anyone for hours on end. It doesn't pertain to dating, it pertains to being social. It's natural to be a bit nervous before some dates, but being out and meeting people should lead to tons of natural conversations. They don't have to be with girls.

Like I already said, memorize some topics to talk about and/or save them in your phone to Ninja check so you don't run out. There is nothing worse than this awkward silence when your done with one topic and then struggle to come up with the next as your nervous brain goes in blank mode.

The most successful guys I've met weren't that spontaneous at all. A huge amount of the stuff they were saying was obviously studied because they repeated themselves a lot. But you would not notice that as a girl because they were really good at making it not sound studied at all.

So yeah, preparation is crucial.

I don't know what kind of 'success' you mean these guys have had, but yeah, you can work in a routine, and you can get one night stands that way. But who cares? They've stopped working on bettering themselves as a person, and they rehash old stuff to get something without an emotional connection. Preparation is practice. It's the whole PUA community. You learn negs and you learn openers. You have pre-canned material because it takes away approach anxiety, and you can rely on it in case you have nothing better. But it's not success. And it's not natural. It's not being a natural, in PUA terms.

I don't get the backlash you're receiving. You never leave a job without having another gig lined up, right?

Also, in my observations (both in and post-college), most girls I knew or know dropped their guy after they had already picked up another suitor.

I mean if you're in like a 6-year relationship then yeah, it's sleazy... but commitment is just not in demand from a lot of people these days.

You're implying you need a girl in your life like you need a job. If I don't have a job for a month, I miss payments on my apartment. I miss utility bills, and I'll miss food. If I'm without a girl for a month, I'll be sad for a while, but then I'll do my own thing. It's a selfish approach to take to it, and it implies a desperate need for someone. Be comfortable being single. Don't be a wine-hopper. It's dishonest, it's weak and it hurts people.

 

[Damerman]

Use a product with keratin too. That's made my hair silky smooth.



I also use this stuff to keep my curls in check
https://www.ogxbeauty.com/hair/kukui-oil/

Get hair compliments all the time. And not just for the absurd colours.

Thank you for the suggestions! Keratin sounds really familiar though.

 

[Salamando]

It's odd how the discussion on hair care is the least "WTF" discussion in this thread right now.

 

[Damerman]

It's odd how the discussion on hair care is the least "WTF" discussion in this thread right now.

Lol my bad.

 

[Salamando]

Lol my bad.

It's better than talk of why you should string a girl along to prevent yourself from dealing with loneliness, or keeping a list of conversation topics in your phone. If either of those are real problems for you, you might have other things you need to work on before you date.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

So awkward when someone starts a conversation with you only to stop replying. I'm honestly not even sure what the point of it is.