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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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Everything was fuckbois


anigif_enhanced-3825-1438611651-7.gif
 
Man, I feel like such a fuckboi.

Today I decided to log into my old email address that I stopped using after school ended. For kicks, I decided to log on.

There was this girl I was friends with. It was starting to look like we were going to date, but I didnt pull the trigger yet. And then I graduated.

For one year after, the girl kept emailing me, asking if I was well. Inviting me to stuff. Giving me her phone number to call her.

At one point she even asked if I wanted to be her roommate.

I never saw any of it until now.

I was really fond of her, but immediately after college I was not in a right state of mind to be in a relationship. Still, it's like I ghosted her, unintentionally. We could have been friends.

Idk whether to call it dedication or wasted time/effort on her part. If someone doesn't respond then sooner or later they have to realize that they likely will never respond (especially if it's via email when much better communication methods exist). Also, that doesn't make you a fuckboy...FAIK, fuckboys are desperate people who target someone for sex with no potential of a relationship. They are so self-centered that they don't give a shit about the fallout for anyone.
 

Gizuko

Member
Have been on a bit of a slump lately:

Girl I talked about before and I haven't been texting much since we had a bit of a misunderstanding this Monday. Smoothed it over on Tuesday, since it was largely non-important, but our schedules don't align at all, and she is a bit stressed out.

I guess the above is a recipe for disaster but I'm at a loss to know what to do. I guessed giving ourselves some sort of time out would work best so I turned my phone off yesterday morning (I was at work, mind you, even if as an intern I don't have much to do) and she actually texted me venting about her work situation, she seemed a bit down and didn't want to talk when I called her later.

How do you cope with this kind of situations, gaf? The whole schedules not aligning deal.

I don't think I should text her first since she didn't reply to my last message yesterday, but it bothers me knowing she's having a hard time and not knowing what to do.
 
Have been on a bit of a slump lately:

Girl I talked about before and I haven't been texting much since we had a bit of a misunderstanding this Monday. Smoothed it over on Tuesday, since it was largely non-important, but our schedules don't align at all, and she is a bit stressed out.

I guess the above is a recipe for disaster but I'm at a loss to know what to do. I guessed giving ourselves some sort of time out would work best so I turned my phone off yesterday morning (I was at work, mind you, even if as an intern I don't have much to do) and she actually texted me venting about her work situation, she seemed a bit down and didn't want to talk when I called her later.

How do you cope with this kind of situations, gaf? The whole schedules not aligning deal.

I don't think I should text her first since she didn't reply to my last message yesterday, but it bothers me knowing she's having a hard time and not knowing what to do.

You're playing bullshit games. Why? It's stupid.

If you actually care about her situation, reach out. If you don't - and your schedules are really that incompatible - then don't.

Seriously. Do what you want to do (and because you want to do it); don't let "oh no i sent the last text" I constrain you.

Oh, and as a corollary, if you actually do commit to listening and indulging in empathy, then actually do it. You can and should pivot to asking her out again (if you want), but these are two separate, discrete actions.

She rightfully thought you were ignoring her because you were ignoring her.
 

gaiages

Banned
Sure mega let's ignore the girlfriend of 4 months putting your money into her bank account and the psycho roommate and talk about a rando girl e-mailing you a bunch :|
 
I just thought it was sort of anusing, that's all. I'm not upset or anything. You never know about missed opportunities lol.

Trust me, I'm far over this one.
 

Gizuko

Member
You're playing bullshit games. Why? It's stupid.

If you actually care about her situation, reach out. If you don't - and your schedules are really that incompatible - then don't.

Seriously. Do what you want to do (and because you want to do it); don't let "oh no i sent the last text" I constrain you.

The issue isn't wether I texted her last and thus she should start the next conversation (I don't care much for this), but rather, I don't know wether she not answering means she needs a bit of space or simply is too tired to answer - I am leaning towards the first possibility though, hence my post.

I guess when not knowing how she copes with extreme stress, simply behaving like I do with my friends when they are stressed out will work.

Oh, and as a corollary, if you actually do commit to listening and indulging in empathy, then actually do it. You can and should pivot to asking her out again (if you want), but these are two separate, discrete actions.

She rightfully thought you were ignoring her because you were ignoring her.

She knows perfectly well my work schedule and I barely had any battery left when I got home, despite my phone being off for most of the morning. I did call her when I read her texts, but even if I wanted a time out that morning, I can't always be available while at work.

She turns her data off when working (which is normal, TBH she IS at work), too, so she should be able to relate to the above.

I don't feel good about missing her texts, but I don't want to feel guilty for behaving as I'm expected at work.

Edit: As for asking her out, I tried twice this week, it won't work for now, I'll just wait a bit before retrying next week.
 

Solo

Member
It's only been 4 months and you're getting a joint account? You're either crazy, stupid, whipped to an insane degree, or some combination of the above. You can go ahead and get a joint account if you please at 4 years.......but at 4 months? Red alert.
 

Neoweee

Member
The tremendously weird Mega story reminded me of a girl from my research group texting me like three weeks after I finished undergrad and moved across the country.

Christ, I had completely forgotten about. It's nice for people to reach out to connections that didn't pan out for whatever reason, but a sense of timing would have helped. As far as I knew there were like NO signs of interest, but I was an oblivious asshole back then.
 

LordKasual

Banned
If that's the case then she can fuck off.

Well, yeah. Just do the same thing to her, and there's no emotion behind it, even if you hook up later.

Just don't invest any actual energy or expectation into her. If a girl is into you, she's going to make time for you, it's simple as that.

that's just how people are though. Don't take it personal, just reciprocate

I don't even know how you get that far on a first date @__@

the amount of first dates that ended in rough petting is high for me. Which is odd because i'm almost never expecting it to actually end that way. Like im happy that it does, but it's never my expectation. (unless it's obvious we're just hooking up anyway)

Here's the other thing that occupies my mind, how do you draw that fine line between "I am using good date techniques" and "I am being a weird person manipulator"?

Someone already pointed this out, but you aren't going to "manipulate" her into intimacy or letting you touch her soft spots.

Generally speaking, if she isn't feeling any chemistry or wanting any intimacy, then she won't put herself into a position where there's a chance for there to be any.

so the idea of you manipulating her into doing what you want just because it's what YOU want is a bit silly...that would imply that she otherwise would have no natural desire to be intimate.
 

Xun

Member
I've dated 20 year olds as a older man and they change feelings about you like the wind. I knew this from anecdotal evedence going in so I didn't get attached and enjoyed it while it lasted and sure enough one day out of the blue they tell you it's over. Your story gets added to the list. You got the classic "It's not you it's me, I hope we can stay friends" dumping, but by email. That's not respectful to you. When she said she didn't meet anyone in New York, did she offer that information freely? If so I'd say she was projecting. I'd put good money down that she met someone in New York, she might not have done anything but that American green card is pretty attractive, compared to the UK or Romania. " I should have told you in London" I don't know the situation but I'll take a stab in the dark and say she didn't want to miss out on getting treated one more time by you in London.

So, don't get hung up on her. You don't have bad luck it just goes with the territory of dating women that age. Don't change how you are in dating and get guarded becuse that will become a self fulfilling prophecy of failed relationships.

Don't fall for the "Let's stay friends" chances are she's only saying that to absolve guilt AND more importantly will make it harder for you to move on.

As always dating Gaffers, block delete and move forward. I guarantee in a few months you'll get an "I really miss you" message otherwise and that's really going to ruin your day.

Timings good, everyone's finished the summer holiday so it's a great time to get back out there and start dating again before the clocks change.
I'm not quite sure. When I asked her if she wants to make things official she essentially said "I thought we kind of were official! I've not been seeing others and nothing happened when I was away in New York." She also jokingly said nothing happened because she didn't have the time, but it did sound like she had no intention of doing anything at the very least.

That said something obviously changed in some way, but it’s not worth thinking about.

For how long time have you been seeing each other? Personally I would just let it go.
We went on 10 dates in June and then spoke daily since then.

The weekend we spent together she was as she's always been and she was even saying "we" a lot referring to things we should do in the future. I do wonder if I scared her by trying to make it official too soon, but it does seem like she was contemplating things between us for a while so it likely made no difference.

A part of me wants one final meet with her to perhaps get some closure since her message implies she'd tell me more, but I know no good would likely come from it and I know it would probably be wiser to cut her out completely. At the very least I may unfollow her on Instagram, especially since she’s posting about her “spontaneous trip to Cyprus run away from problems” at the moment...

Her uni is right around the corner from where I work and I was thinking of taking evening classes there (I never mentioned this to her), but I'm not sure that would be wise just yet. She managed to inspire me again on art so for that I’m thankful, but I just fear that passion will once again disappear because of this.

In any case I need to get over her and get laid so I'm back on Tinder...

Any comments would be much appreciated.
 
Her uni is right around the corner from where I work and I was thinking of taking evening classes there (I never mentioned this to her), but I'm not sure that would be wise just yet. She managed to inspire me again on art so for that I’m thankful, but I just fear that passion will once again disappear because of this.

In any case I need to get over her and get laid so I'm back on Tinder...

Any comments would be much appreciated.

Unfollow her on everything, take the class, try to get laid. Maybe try and plan a fun day with some friends to just enjoy yourself for a bit. You'll be good man.
 
It's only been 4 months and you're getting a joint account? You're either crazy, stupid, whipped to an insane degree, or some combination of the above. You can go ahead and get a joint account if you please at 4 years.......but at 4 months? Red alert.

An account only she can access. Not truly joint.
 
I'm not quite sure. When I asked her if she wants to make things official she essentially said "I thought we kind of were official! I've not been seeing others and nothing happened when I was away in New York." She also jokingly said nothing happened because she didn't have the time, but it did sound like she had no intention of doing anything at the very least.

That said something obviously changed in some way, but it’s not worth thinking about.

We went on 10 dates in June and then spoke daily since then.

The weekend we spent together she was as she's always been and she was even saying "we" a lot referring to things we should do in the future. I do wonder if I scared her by trying to make it official too soon, but it does seem like she was contemplating things between us for a while so it likely made no difference.

A part of me wants one final meet with her to perhaps get some closure since her message implies she'd tell me more, but I know no good would likely come from it and I know it would probably be wiser to cut her out completely. At the very least I may unfollow her on Instagram, especially since she’s posting about her “spontaneous trip to Cyprus run away from problems” at the moment...

Her uni is right around the corner from where I work and I was thinking of taking evening classes there (I never mentioned this to her), but I'm not sure that would be wise just yet. She managed to inspire me again on art so for that I’m thankful, but I just fear that passion will once again disappear because of this.

In any case I need to get over her and get laid so I'm back on Tinder...

Any comments would be much appreciated.

You post in this topic enough, don't contact again, block delete on social media and you only had ten dates with a 20YO. If she's travelling all over the world she sure isn't likely to want to settle right now. All that "we" stuff was her just playing house with her big girl relationship. Move on, becuse she has already.
 

Llyranor

Member
I'm not quite sure. When I asked her if she wants to make things official she essentially said "I thought we kind of were official! I've not been seeing others and nothing happened when I was away in New York." She also jokingly said nothing happened because she didn't have the time, but it did sound like she had no intention of doing anything at the very least.

That said something obviously changed in some way, but it's not worth thinking about.

We went on 10 dates in June and then spoke daily since then.

The weekend we spent together she was as she's always been and she was even saying "we" a lot referring to things we should do in the future. I do wonder if I scared her by trying to make it official too soon, but it does seem like she was contemplating things between us for a while so it likely made no difference.

A part of me wants one final meet with her to perhaps get some closure since her message implies she'd tell me more, but I know no good would likely come from it and I know it would probably be wiser to cut her out completely. At the very least I may unfollow her on Instagram, especially since she's posting about her ”spontaneous trip to Cyprus run away from problems" at the moment...

Her uni is right around the corner from where I work and I was thinking of taking evening classes there (I never mentioned this to her), but I'm not sure that would be wise just yet. She managed to inspire me again on art so for that I'm thankful, but I just fear that passion will once again disappear because of this.

In any case I need to get over her and get laid so I'm back on Tinder...

Any comments would be much appreciated.
1) You will not get further closure than what you have already. If you meet, she might give you a reason(s), but you will have no way to know whether they are true or not. She broke it off with you. THAT is the closure. Now you are free to do whatever you like.

Let's say she gives you a valid reason. Same answer. She broke it off with you. THAT is the closure. Now you are free to do whatever you like. There is no benefit too diving deeper into this search for """closure"""

2) About your previous guilt-trip to Paris, given this outcome, remember in the future that you are not exclusive until you are explicit exclusive and both parties are fully aware of it. So don't feel guilty about doing non-relationship stuff when you are not in a relationship in the future.

3) Maybe she's going to Cyprus with someone or to meet someone! Coincidence??? More importantly, IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE YOU'VE ALREADY MOVED ON
 

Ozorov

Member
Going on a date with my sisters colleague is that weird? They're pretty close, I have met her once very shortly. She wrote first.
 
My neighbour ghosted me. Am I that awkward?

That's' way too close or be living near you, I'd put that in the same category as dating someone you work with. Too much risk mate, if it goes wrong you're stuck with each other until one of you moves out. She might just be friendly because you're a neighbor. Having a girlfriend living that close takes away your safe space.


giphy.gif
 
Slight counterpoint to Megalosaro's, um whatever that is.

Came home from work today to find my lease-bound roommate moved out. No warning or note. Well, fuck. I liked the guy, too.

Now I get to play the "stay the fuck off of dating apps" game for a while because I don't want loneliness steering my ship. (sniffle)

My copy of Yakuza Kiwami is gonna be putting in the work this weekend.
 

M52B28

Banned
Hey, been a while.

This girl I've known for bit has been on my mind kind of. She's absolutely adorable.

I was sitting at the table organizing some things and I saw her just gazing at me from across it out the side of my eye. She wasn't saying anything which made me feel kind of awkward, but I brushed it off.

I don't like her friends and when we'd talk to them together, we would kind of just lock eyes while she'd talk. I don't say much when I'm around them and she openly acknowledges how I don't speak much and daze out when they start talking about stupid shit. Me not asking her out is mainly due to her friends.

One of the guys is gay and just feels all over her then he starts joking about being her boyfriend while looking at me. Didn't effect me, but I did find the behavior strange. On top of that, they just like to gossip a lot.

How can I get around this at all? She's a bit older than me and we're both older than her friends, so it's kind of a weird social dynamic.
 
Hey, been a while.

This girl I've known for bit has been on my mind kind of. She's absolutely adorable.

How can I get around this at all? She's a bit older than me and we're both older than her friends, so it's kind of a weird social dynamic.

Read the topic title. It really is that easy.
 
Successful second date last night.

Picked her up from work, drove to a restaurant for pizza. Then went for a long drive through the sunset just chatting. She's so easy to chat to, just ask a couple of questions and she's off! Gave her a little kiss when I dropped her off and said 'See you soon, I hope' to which she said yes.

Text me within a few minutes thanking me for a lovely night.

Happy!
 
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