I always could get it up, but I think out of all the times I can count on my hands where I reached the end game.
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Worst sex you've ever had?
- Thread starter MrOogieBoogie
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I always could get it up, but I think out of all the times I can count on my hands where I reached the end game.
Shanks D Zoro
Banned
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Hypereides
Member
That's just poetry man.
I'm dying
I haven't laughed this hard for a long time.
Solideliquid
Member
I'm married now, but before I met my wife (post first divorce) I dated a few ladies. One girl I was with for a little while was great in bed. The only thing that kind of bothered me is that she had a negative attitude when it came to giving a guy some head. I explained oral sex is very important to me several times but she didn't seem to respond to those messages.
She LOVED having sex, all the time. So one night we have been going at it for a little while. We switch positions to doggy and I'm straight POUNDING her. She comes hard, yelling (I'm worried about my damn neighbors she was so loud). Now what I noticed is that her vaginal muscles must have relaxed after she came because it didn't feel as tight. Maybe she was just that much wetter. Anyway I couldn't reach orgasm like that, so I thought maybe she would finish me off with oral. So I casually said "your pussy's a little loose since you came, do you mind going down on me until I come?". BIG MISTAKE. She gets pissed and moves off the bed (I pop out of her). She puts her clothes on, says "how would you feel if I told you 'hey your dicks a little too small for me'?". Then she left. It was about 3 am. I didn't answer her calls for a week, then I gave in and told her I'd see her again. I was really mad. We broke up a month later when I got asked out by another girl. She was crazy anyway.
She LOVED having sex, all the time. So one night we have been going at it for a little while. We switch positions to doggy and I'm straight POUNDING her. She comes hard, yelling (I'm worried about my damn neighbors she was so loud). Now what I noticed is that her vaginal muscles must have relaxed after she came because it didn't feel as tight. Maybe she was just that much wetter. Anyway I couldn't reach orgasm like that, so I thought maybe she would finish me off with oral. So I casually said "your pussy's a little loose since you came, do you mind going down on me until I come?". BIG MISTAKE. She gets pissed and moves off the bed (I pop out of her). She puts her clothes on, says "how would you feel if I told you 'hey your dicks a little too small for me'?". Then she left. It was about 3 am. I didn't answer her calls for a week, then I gave in and told her I'd see her again. I was really mad. We broke up a month later when I got asked out by another girl. She was crazy anyway.
I should really stay away from threads like this.
That could be with just 1 girl.
With the right woman you'll go through condoms faster than you'd like. And 3 times is like one session. 5 or more if it's a sleepover. So you're talking about 4 nights.You also need to be reasonably fit in your core, and her too. Otherwise you won't really be able to various positions without it being a workout more than sex.
Queue to exit.
Featheredkitten
Banned
If it was her first time, lube is wonderful but doesn't help as much with the not hurting as you'd imagine. Anal sex done properly is not easy. Do some research and do it properly. Totally worth the time.
Psycho_Mantis
Banned
Wow some of you guys have some crazy sex lives. Worst thats ever happened to me was getting kicked in the balls.
Exalted Terraforce
Member
Oh, oh man...I can remember my worst sexual experience like it was yesterday.
Me and an ex of mines back in high school were hanging out in downtown Indianapolis. Great atmosphere, lots of shit to do, you guys should definitely visit XD. But anyways, I know she always had a thing for me, even after me breaking up with her via Myspace over some bullshit reason (I was heartless, lol). She was infatuated with every minute detail about me. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings, where she proceeded to drink...a lot. I was 20 at the time, so I couldn't indulge myself in any liquor, just Sprite, lol. She was touching all over me, telling me that she wanted me, every part of me, she even went to the restroom and sent me a picture of the "goods". Thank God we sat in the corner of the restaurant in booths. Upon seeing that she was visibly drunk, our waitress stopped serving her drinks, so we left there and went to this brewery/restaurant called the Rock Bottom. She drunk more, and more, while I sat awkwardly sober. Her words were getting more dirty, her hands were everywhere. After we had enough, we left. This is where the fun begins
She was extremely trashed, and undoubtedly horny. She said that she wanted to fuck me, and I was sure that it was going to happen, I just never though it would be at this location. Downtown Indianapolis has a lot of dark, narrow, and long alleys.....upon her seeing one, she dragged me into it. We started making out...heavily. My hands start rubbing her pussy from under her pants, and she is just moaning, moaning oh so loud. From there, she pulls my pants down and starts giving me oral, and she was pretty good, only downside is that it was cold as shit (it gets really cold here in the winter). She finishes and tells me to fuck her....in a cold, dark, dirty downtown alley, and I obliged. There was a trash can near, so she rested her arms there and I fucked her doggy style. After like a minute of that, I said that we should stop, due to me seeing a police car in the street. She put her pants back on, I pulled up mines, then we left and went our separate ways (thankfully she got home)...
The sex itself wasn't bad at all, its just the fact that I had sex with my completely trashed ex in a damn alley with a police car like 100 feet away. Kinda makes you feel horrible inside and not too intelligent.
Me and an ex of mines back in high school were hanging out in downtown Indianapolis. Great atmosphere, lots of shit to do, you guys should definitely visit XD. But anyways, I know she always had a thing for me, even after me breaking up with her via Myspace over some bullshit reason (I was heartless, lol). She was infatuated with every minute detail about me. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings, where she proceeded to drink...a lot. I was 20 at the time, so I couldn't indulge myself in any liquor, just Sprite, lol. She was touching all over me, telling me that she wanted me, every part of me, she even went to the restroom and sent me a picture of the "goods". Thank God we sat in the corner of the restaurant in booths. Upon seeing that she was visibly drunk, our waitress stopped serving her drinks, so we left there and went to this brewery/restaurant called the Rock Bottom. She drunk more, and more, while I sat awkwardly sober. Her words were getting more dirty, her hands were everywhere. After we had enough, we left. This is where the fun begins
She was extremely trashed, and undoubtedly horny. She said that she wanted to fuck me, and I was sure that it was going to happen, I just never though it would be at this location. Downtown Indianapolis has a lot of dark, narrow, and long alleys.....upon her seeing one, she dragged me into it. We started making out...heavily. My hands start rubbing her pussy from under her pants, and she is just moaning, moaning oh so loud. From there, she pulls my pants down and starts giving me oral, and she was pretty good, only downside is that it was cold as shit (it gets really cold here in the winter). She finishes and tells me to fuck her....in a cold, dark, dirty downtown alley, and I obliged. There was a trash can near, so she rested her arms there and I fucked her doggy style. After like a minute of that, I said that we should stop, due to me seeing a police car in the street. She put her pants back on, I pulled up mines, then we left and went our separate ways (thankfully she got home)...
The sex itself wasn't bad at all, its just the fact that I had sex with my completely trashed ex in a damn alley with a police car like 100 feet away. Kinda makes you feel horrible inside and not too intelligent.
Dated a girl for a few weeks. When we decided it was on and her panties came off... I was greeted by neanderthal-like foliage and a smell so horrid I can recall that shit to this day. I mean... it was rancid. REALLY fucking bad. Weird because she always smelled great, super clean place, breath minty fresh, etc. Caught me off guard.
Needless to say I bolted as quick as I could. Used the "we should wait" line and never went out with her again.
Needless to say I bolted as quick as I could. Used the "we should wait" line and never went out with her again.
You're lucky that she didn't throw up while you two were going at it.
MickeyPhree
Member
I was 20 and only gave a shit about getting pussy. I met this girl off some chat room on aol, picked her up and brought her to my house. On a scale of one to ten she was about a four, not fat or anything, just not a good looking girl.
I bullshit with her for Alittle bit then it comes time to do the deed. She couldn't kiss for shit, the blowjob I got from her was just awful; lets just wrap my lips around a dick and bob my head.
I don't know why but I decided to go down on her. Panties came off and I was greeted by an Afro of reddish gold pubic hair. This shit was everywhere. I still put my face there. And the smell was disgusting. It didn't smell till literally my face was two inches from the lips. Did it for a couple minutes and I just couldn't go anymore.
Slapped a condom and started fucking her missionary. I fucked her for maybe five minutes; the entire time she was just looking at me and smiling. She also kept repeating "(my name) you're so wonderful". Again after a couple minutes I just couldn't take it. I faked an orgasm, told her some bullshit that I needed to leave, drove her back home, then hauled ass back to my house to take a shower.
Yeah that sucked.
I bullshit with her for Alittle bit then it comes time to do the deed. She couldn't kiss for shit, the blowjob I got from her was just awful; lets just wrap my lips around a dick and bob my head.
I don't know why but I decided to go down on her. Panties came off and I was greeted by an Afro of reddish gold pubic hair. This shit was everywhere. I still put my face there. And the smell was disgusting. It didn't smell till literally my face was two inches from the lips. Did it for a couple minutes and I just couldn't go anymore.
Slapped a condom and started fucking her missionary. I fucked her for maybe five minutes; the entire time she was just looking at me and smiling. She also kept repeating "(my name) you're so wonderful". Again after a couple minutes I just couldn't take it. I faked an orgasm, told her some bullshit that I needed to leave, drove her back home, then hauled ass back to my house to take a shower.
Yeah that sucked.
Morning after going out with a few friends clubbing.
The whole point was to hook me up with one of the girls going, since it had been a long while since I had seen any action and she was always up for it. We slept together that night before waking up at 6am to do the deed. Fingered her for a good 15 minutes, put it in and half-blew after about a minute of rough, painful sex.
Felt kinda bad so fingered her for another 10 minutes before losing any motivation to try again so I rolled over and went back to sleep. She got her money's worth with a good half hour finger pounding I guess.
Hadn't fapped for ages, had been a very long time since my last root and no condom. I didn't stand a chance..
The whole point was to hook me up with one of the girls going, since it had been a long while since I had seen any action and she was always up for it. We slept together that night before waking up at 6am to do the deed. Fingered her for a good 15 minutes, put it in and half-blew after about a minute of rough, painful sex.
Felt kinda bad so fingered her for another 10 minutes before losing any motivation to try again so I rolled over and went back to sleep. She got her money's worth with a good half hour finger pounding I guess.
Hadn't fapped for ages, had been a very long time since my last root and no condom. I didn't stand a chance..
BlackNMild2k1
Member
That's just... dirty.
I have a few more stories, but I would have to skim back through the thread to see what I've posted.
From flat chest led to limp dick; Steamed windows, flashing lights, Cops are the ones who knocks; Oh Shit!! mom walks in on us. Chaos ensues, girl out the window; Almost Raped by a big girl, but rescued by the skinny one,only to be damn near raped anyway; But you said you weren't a virgin.... why is there blood everywhere; 4-some gone wrong for all the wrong reasons; Ooops, wrong hole [trollface.jpg]; 2 girls, wild night; and probably more that are slipping my mind at the moment.
hahaha classic.
PS3GamerKyle
Member
The amount of unprotected one night stand stories in this thread is disturbing. Get that "heat of the moment" BS outta here...don't be a fool, wrap up your tool!
Worst sex I've ever had was the first time I've ever had sex (with the girlfriend of my best male friend - it sucked, and we're no longer close friends), followed by the second time I've ever had sex just a week later (with my best female friend - sucked as well, but at least it didn't ruin our friendship). Those were also the only two times I've ever had bad sex.
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
I agree. I once sat in a hot car while the girl I met took the morning after pill. I was not going to leave until she did.
I've had some bad experiences. I once met this girl who needed someone to talk to her. I went over to her house and she begins to tell me about her life. She had a defibrillator in her chest, her left arm had experienced hemiparesis (paralysis) from a stroke she had a while back. She had a few kids who didn't live with her either. Well when we got on her bed we started to have sex. At this point I'm like okay, this woman's been through enough and I proceed with the sex.Well after we finish I do my business and she swallows. Thinking the night was about over, we continue to talk. She informs me she is "going" through a divorce. So she's basically still married. I think to myself "I can't really be around for sh*t to hit the fan". So I reach in my wallet pull out about $100 and threw it on the table. Then I left.
I had a few where I got my member covered in feces and called it off.
TacticalFox88
Banned
Couple things
1)Ladies keep your fucking dentals away from my dick during oral sex. Please. I should be saying "Halleluya! Thank you Jesus!" not "Bitch I rebuke you and yo teeth."
2) Brush your goddamn teeth. Trifling ass got racoon pussy twerking on your tonsils or booty and hotwings.
1)Ladies keep your fucking dentals away from my dick during oral sex. Please. I should be saying "Halleluya! Thank you Jesus!" not "Bitch I rebuke you and yo teeth."
2) Brush your goddamn teeth. Trifling ass got racoon pussy twerking on your tonsils or booty and hotwings.
jhmtehgamr20xx
Banned
Fake or not, I was laughing my ass off. The puking part sounds straight from a Family Guy episode
or a Heavy-R video clip
Head of Vengarl
Banned
My lord, what's up with all these stinky vagina stories?
TacticalFox88
Banned
As it turns out...lots of women have poor vaginal health.
Bradiculous
Neo Member
The worst would had to have been both our first times. I went in way too fast and it wasn't in for more than 30 seconds before she bled all over her carpet so we had to clean ourselves and her floor up before her parents got back to her house in a matter of minutes.
Are you banging in a Smart car? I've had some awesome times in the front seat and back seats of a smallish 4-door car.
That would be a win.
tekumseh
a mass of phermones, hormones and adrenaline just waiting to explode
This story reminds me of a great bit that Richard Pryor used to do. Said he and his girl were fighting one night and he was incredibly angry, so finally he just smugly said, "I'm gettin' out of here to find go some new pussy!" To which she replied, "If you had 3 or 4 more inches of dick, you could find some new pussy right here!" To which he had no reply...
BigEvilTurtle
Banned
These first time/blood stories freak me out. Me and my girl didn't have this problem! First time was clean and good. Sometimes I wish I could experience terrible sex just to tell interesting stories.
Featheredkitten
Banned
Cow Mengde
Banned
First time wasn't that great, but you'll learn if you keep at it.
Weilthain
Banned
That sounds like good sex to me.
Macready1306
Banned
I have 2 stories-
Got hot and steamy with a lady 10 years older (me 19, her obviously 29). We were in the car and it was around 1am. We find a kindergarten car park that was very secluded. We started really going for it (mind you, I'd known her for a while but this was our first night out and so obviously first time fucking)...
For some reason she'd never really been good at giving head but she wanted to try please me. Let's just say she used her teeth instead of her lips and my Johnson was as red as a tomato and as sore as you could imagine. Obviously I couldn't finish properly, dropped her off and went straight home to soak it in cold water in the bath tub.
2nd story was me with my girlfriend (now my wife) we were making out one night at a park. Seemed to be too many people around so we got into the front seat of my car. As she was straddling me I undid her bra and she was pulling out my manhood. As all this is happening it had just started pouring and the car started to get steamy. Windows fogged up but seemingly out of nowhere a guy comes up to my window, face planted on the glass and looks right through! We fucking shit ourselves. My dick never went as limp as quickly as that and my wife's bra somehow jumped back onto my wife! It was almost comical. Guy just said sorry and walked off. Always reminded me a little of Zodiac at the start of that film...
Got hot and steamy with a lady 10 years older (me 19, her obviously 29). We were in the car and it was around 1am. We find a kindergarten car park that was very secluded. We started really going for it (mind you, I'd known her for a while but this was our first night out and so obviously first time fucking)...
For some reason she'd never really been good at giving head but she wanted to try please me. Let's just say she used her teeth instead of her lips and my Johnson was as red as a tomato and as sore as you could imagine. Obviously I couldn't finish properly, dropped her off and went straight home to soak it in cold water in the bath tub.
2nd story was me with my girlfriend (now my wife) we were making out one night at a park. Seemed to be too many people around so we got into the front seat of my car. As she was straddling me I undid her bra and she was pulling out my manhood. As all this is happening it had just started pouring and the car started to get steamy. Windows fogged up but seemingly out of nowhere a guy comes up to my window, face planted on the glass and looks right through! We fucking shit ourselves. My dick never went as limp as quickly as that and my wife's bra somehow jumped back onto my wife! It was almost comical. Guy just said sorry and walked off. Always reminded me a little of Zodiac at the start of that film...
*avatarquote*
Miles Quaritch
Member
Poor vaginal hygiene, possibly caused by wiping back to front instead of front to back.
My first time was the worst...
We were doing it in her mums bed for some reason. But the TV was on. And it was on nickelodeon... Suddenly I heard. "Earth, Water, Fire, Air... ... I couldn't focus anymore and I just turned my head and basically started watching avatar...
Or maybe the first time with my current gf... I took her virginity... And she started crying... as soon as I inserted the captain... I felt like a rapist... I go why are you crying? Does it hurt? She answers: no I just love you so much... I pulled out and hugged her for like 30 minutes while feeling like a massive douche..
We were doing it in her mums bed for some reason. But the TV was on. And it was on nickelodeon... Suddenly I heard. "Earth, Water, Fire, Air... ... I couldn't focus anymore and I just turned my head and basically started watching avatar...
Or maybe the first time with my current gf... I took her virginity... And she started crying... as soon as I inserted the captain... I felt like a rapist... I go why are you crying? Does it hurt? She answers: no I just love you so much... I pulled out and hugged her for like 30 minutes while feeling like a massive douche..
I find pain to be a turn on, is that so wrong?
The Maverick
Member
I was surprised when I found out just how unaware some women are of when/how their vagina smells.
Horse Detective
Why the long case?
Man these vagina stories are making me question my sexuality.
mercenar1e
Member
I don't know how so many of you nasty fuckers can go down on some rank ass pussy lol how's the aftertaste?
Daffy Duck
Member
I've been pretty lucky and not had bad experiences.
However......
A few years ago me and the girlfriend are getting all amorous and we get things cranked up to the level we end up having sex, it's going really well, then all of a sudden I get a slow burning sensation downstairs, but I think to myself, fuck this, it's too good to stop, so we carry on going at it, the sensation is getting worse and really starting to put me off, luckily for me I eventually come and we lay there kissing after, so a few minutes later I climb off her so we can go clean up and I notice blood all over the sheets, and I'm thinking WTF?!? I ask her if she's OK, she says she's fine, I look down at my johnson and it's covered in blood.
I run to the bathroom wondering WTF has happened and after cleaning myself up I notice I have snapped my banjo!! The thing wouldn't stop bleeding (took about two hours to stop) and the feeling was like someone was sticking pins in me for days afterwards.
It took a good week or two before I could do it again, the worst part was getting aroused as when it grew it would stretch it again and bleed.
Going to the doctors about it was also an unpleasant experience.
However......
A few years ago me and the girlfriend are getting all amorous and we get things cranked up to the level we end up having sex, it's going really well, then all of a sudden I get a slow burning sensation downstairs, but I think to myself, fuck this, it's too good to stop, so we carry on going at it, the sensation is getting worse and really starting to put me off, luckily for me I eventually come and we lay there kissing after, so a few minutes later I climb off her so we can go clean up and I notice blood all over the sheets, and I'm thinking WTF?!? I ask her if she's OK, she says she's fine, I look down at my johnson and it's covered in blood.
I run to the bathroom wondering WTF has happened and after cleaning myself up I notice I have snapped my banjo!! The thing wouldn't stop bleeding (took about two hours to stop) and the feeling was like someone was sticking pins in me for days afterwards.
It took a good week or two before I could do it again, the worst part was getting aroused as when it grew it would stretch it again and bleed.
Going to the doctors about it was also an unpleasant experience.
Opus Angelorum
Member
I was having anal sex with my first partner (from behind) and her 5 year old son walked into the room. Never has my penis went from rock solid to flaccid so quickly.
The sex itself was great, just a bad outcome.
The sex itself was great, just a bad outcome.
InfiniteBento
Member
Pretty much a majority of the sex I had with my ex towards the end of our relationship.
I would try to get really into it but he would always bust it after 15-20 minutes. Hardly ever tried to give me mine after he got his too. He would just lay there once it was done and I would try to coax him into playing with me a little more but he never seemed into it.
He also moans like a girl.
It was pretty awful.
I would try to get really into it but he would always bust it after 15-20 minutes. Hardly ever tried to give me mine after he got his too. He would just lay there once it was done and I would try to coax him into playing with me a little more but he never seemed into it.
He also moans like a girl.
It was pretty awful.
Red Liquorice
Member
Don't believe the story about the guy sucking on a puss-filled boil he thought was a lactating nipple.
The girl would've known the difference.
The girl would've known the difference.
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