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[MrOogieBoogie]

Meet girl at bar.

Booty calls me a week or two later.

Spend night at her place.

Lots of making out at first, then we jump into bed.

Goes full corpse mode. Doesn't want to try anything besides missionary.

At one point while she's limply tugging at my penis, I straight up tell her, "You know, I'd love it if you'd go down on me right now."

She reacts by putting her fingers to her lips and whispering, "Shhh..."

That night ruined any momentum our relationship might have had.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

That time my right hand was broken and I had to use my left.




























Just kidding. I don't actually have a story for this :/

 

[Chinner]

me and my girl started watching inception and she started trying to have sex with me half way through.

i dumped her the next day because she was distracting me and i need my full attention to appreciate the ~sophistication~ of a christopher nolan film.

 

[zoukka]

me and my girl started watching inception and she started trying to have sex with me half way through.

i dumped her the next day because she was distracting me and i need my full attention to appreciate the ~sophistication~ of a christopher nolan film.

She's a keeper.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

me and my girl started watching inception and she started trying to have sex with me half way through.

i dumped her the next day because she was distracting me and i need my full attention to appreciate the ~sophistication~ of a christopher nolan film.

Good decision.

 

[ConradCervantes]

In high school I dated a sophomore girl for a few weeks and we had sex once in the auditorium stairwell while a Halo tourney was going on. Would have been at least by-the-books decent fucking except for the fact that she had the WORST smelling pussy I have ever smelt. Good lord, it was like she stuffed garbage up there if the trash can was out of reach. The next Monday I gave her the ol' "it's not you it's me" garbage and traded up for a girl my age whose snapper didn't remind me of a landfill.

 

[SCULLIBUNDO]

Skinny girl. Sharp pelvis. Felt like my dick was going to snap off at the base. Super uncomfortable.

 

[CiSTM]

Me and some girl decided (well she decided) that we will have sex at club's toilet booth. I didn't have time to say I had to take piss really bad but I tought it could kinda ruin the moment, so I just went with it. It was downright painful experience. Never have sex when your bladder is about to burst.

 

[jb1234]

In high school I dated a sophomore girl for a few weeks and we had sex once in the auditorium stairwell while a Halo tourney was going on. Would have been at least by-the-books decent fucking except for the fact that she had the WORST smelling pussy I have ever smelt. Good lord, it was like she stuffed garbage up there if the trash can was out of reach. The next Monday I gave her the ol' "it's not you it's me" garbage and traded up for a girl my age whose snapper didn't remind me of a landfill.

Alright, what does nice pussy smell like?

(To clarify, I'm not VirginGAF here. I'm GayGAF.)

 

[MrOogieBoogie]

In high school I dated a sophomore girl for a few weeks and we had sex once in the auditorium stairwell while a Halo tourney was going on. Would have been at least by-the-books decent fucking except for the fact that she had the WORST smelling pussy I have ever smelt. Good lord, it was like she stuffed garbage up there if the trash can was out of reach. The next Monday I gave her the ol' "it's not you it's me" garbage and traded up for a girl my age whose snapper didn't remind me of a landfill.

Alright, what does nice pussy smell like?

(To clarify, I'm not VirginGAF here. I'm GayGAF.)

Nice pussy doesn't actually smell like anything at all.

 

[Phonomezer]

Being clumsily poked with a penis in my leg until he passed out, after saying "you like that, huh" repeatedly. I just smoked all his weed and went home.

 

[Horse Detective]

In high school I dated a sophomore girl for a few weeks and we had sex once in the auditorium stairwell while a Halo tourney was going on. Would have been at least by-the-books decent fucking except for the fact that she had the WORST smelling pussy I have ever smelt. Good lord, it was like she stuffed garbage up there if the trash can was out of reach. The next Monday I gave her the ol' "it's not you it's me" garbage and traded up for a girl my age whose snapper didn't remind me of a landfill.

 

[GavinGT]

Nice pussy smells like the perfume in the douche they recently used.

 

[Apeopleman]

In high school I dated a sophomore girl for a few weeks and we had sex once in the auditorium stairwell while a Halo tourney was going on. Would have been at least by-the-books decent fucking except for the fact that she had the WORST smelling pussy I have ever smelt. Good lord, it was like she stuffed garbage up there if the trash can was out of reach. The next Monday I gave her the ol' "it's not you it's me" garbage and traded up for a girl my age whose snapper didn't remind me of a landfill.

And the guy with the Aaron Rodgers avatar delivers

 

[ConradCervantes]

Alright, what does nice pussy smell like?

(To clarify, I'm not VirginGAF here. I'm GayGAF.)

What Boogie said, basically. Though the more a girl gets wet, the more easily I can sniff her out. But there are girls who just got it going wrong something fierce, be it cleanliness or bad genes or diet, who knows.

 

[Shin Kojima]

Nice pussy doesn't actually smell like anything at all.

Wrong.

 

[big_z]

went to grab my drink from the rec room, passed out moments later. woke up the next day sore and went to take my normal morning crap and noticed blood when wiping. just another day here in antarctica.

 

[Horse Detective]

I hate when people describe "pussy" in a manner that makes it sound like food.

 

[Bossun]

Once drunk, really hard to get it up.

Another, not really the worst, or even bad, but I kept on laughing for 20 minutes for absolutely no reason. And laughing is a hard-on killer for my body

 

[Clydefrog]

it was a summer just like this. 100 degrees during the day, 90 degrees during the night. i was in college.

1 - 2 AM: i'm back home with a girl I've known for a few weeks.. we're both nice and sauced. we finally make it up to my room and start getting to business. gratuitous kissing of the body and what not leads to sex. condom on and it's fun drunk sex! suddenly, and i kid you not, a MOTH with an 8-inch wing span flies in through my open bedroom window. judging by the way it was flying, it must have been as drunk as us. unfortunately, my fear of moths trumps any kind of common sense. I screamed like a schoolgirl and jumped off the bed. She was petrified, like a burglar had entered the room. Once she saw the moth though, she too entered Freak Mode. We are both naked and screaming like children.

The whole ordeal ended with me eventually killing the moth with a sandal + pillow + my hands. I flushed the behemoth down the toilet and that was it. We both went to sleep.

 

[GavinGT]

My worst time was when a girl had me go run to the store first, then granted me three minutes of emotionless penetration, followed by two weeks of abnormal penile leakage.

 

[Amory]

mm, the last time I had sex was probably the worst. she basically spent the entire time guiding me toward the perfect spot, and then saying "Yes!" for like a couple seconds, and then going back to guiding.

I felt like that dude on the beach walking around with a metal detector.

She had weird boobs with inverted nipples too, which was kind of a turn off.

 

[Vesmir]

Fuck you for taking me away from a test.

So I was talking with a girl online about 5 years ago, back when I was living in SoCal. She seemed of the shy type, but after about a couple of weeks, she really opened up, phone and skype sex every other night, all the stuff.

We decide to finally meet up because we could not take it anymore. She wanted some, I wanted it all, and it would be hot to meet somewhere in the middle (we lived a good 40ish miles apart) and just go. The day comes, and after having lunch and playing mini-golf, we get to the motel, I shell out $90, and we get into the room and immediately my shirt is flying, and we are making out.

Now, the first warning sign was that it was my clothes being shed. She wasn't a secret fatty, because I saw what was up over cam. But hell, she was pulling me and getting down so I paid it little attention. I get around to getting her on the bed, taking her shirt off, unbuckling her bra and giving her every bit of attention with my mouth. She's loving it, and after some time, starts to unbuckle her pants, but stops. I think to myself, "Ok, she wants me to do it" but when I reach, she pushes me away. Now, I'm harder than Thor's hammer and I want to go all out, so I push her hand away and begin to strip off the pants and tear off her panties.

BIG FUCKING MISTAKE.
The smell came all at once, and hit me harder and faster than a 12-gauge to the temple. From hard as a rock to a banana peel, and it took all the willpower to not heave. I looked at her, and she had this look that told me that this was a problem for other guys and was awaiting my reaction. With eyes watering and the gag reflexes doing the work of gods, I kissed her and began fingering...I did not want her to feel bad but my dick could not do that work. Then the worst thing happens. She pushes my head down in an effort to do the impossible...but again, I didn't want to make her feel bad. I spread her apart, breathing from my mouth, and mind you the smell gets worse. Imagine mildew, old urine and a slight whiff of ass. Then toss that into a can of tuna. It's not good. I lick, and my body said no, and I heave. She gasps, I say something along the lines of ITS NOT YOU IM SICK but as soon as I do I throw up in my mouth. She begins crying while struggling to put on her ripped panties, and I just feel like shit both physically and for the poor sap that has to take that next time. By the time I get out of the bathroom, she's gone, and we haven't really talked since.

tl;dr: If it smells, suggest to take a shower together or something, because damn.

 

[Horse Detective]

The whole ordeal ended with me eventually killing the moth with a sandal + pillow + my hands. I flushed the behemoth down the toilet and that was it. We both went to sleep.

Ugh, Awful. Just terrible.

 

[Jzero]

This threads gonna be good.

 

[fanboi]

it was a summer just like this. 100 degrees during the day, 90 degrees during the night. i was in college.

1 - 2 AM: i'm back home with a girl I've known for a few weeks.. we're both nice and sauced. we finally make it up to my room and start getting to business. gratuitous kissing of the body and what not leads to sex. condom on and it's fun drunk sex! suddenly, and i kid you not, a MOTH with an 8-inch wing span flies in through my open bedroom window. judging by the way it was flying, it must have been as drunk as us. unfortunately, my fear of moths trumps any kind of common sense. I screamed like a schoolgirl and jumped off the bed. She was petrified, like a burglar had entered the room. Once she saw the moth though, she too entered Freak Mode. We are both naked and screaming like children.

The whole ordeal ended with me eventually killing the moth with a sandal + pillow + my hands. I flushed the behemoth down the toilet and that was it. We both went to sleep.

That could have been the best sex ever... you just missed it

 

[Scrow]

both drunk, after high-school, on a couch in a motel room.

whiskey dick, didn't know what i was doing, smell of vagina nearly made me throw up, condom came off, we gave up, she fell asleep.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

That could have been the best sex ever... you just missed it

Glad to be alive sex

 

[Hanmik]

Got home with a real good looking girl.. Took of her clothes while it was dark.. started touching her back, and realised she had the worst Acne attack there.. touched her breast, and could feel long hard hairs around her nipples... took of her pants, and felt that she almost had more hair down in her nether regions than on her head.
She ended up just lying there flat flat on her back expexting something special from me.. the only thing she got was a wet leg, because I could not be bothered to find a machete to cut through her hairy jungle..

 

[AwesomePossum]

The first time I had sex with my first girlfriend definitely takes the cake. We were at my house watching TV and getting drunk, and all the sudden I was hammering away on top of her. It was going great until she was on top of me, and while bouncing around realized I had gone semi-limp and the condom no where to be seen. She was pretty insecure so I didn't want to tell her I had gone limp inside of her, so in panic-mode I said I had came.

All hell broke loose. She began screaming at me and that subsided into her crying on my floor, naked. I told her I'd buy a Plan B the next day, and that seemed to calm things down. After about 5 minutes of awkward bouts of conversation, her friend called and she soon left to see said friend - who was a guy.

This really seemed to have scared her away from sex, at least with me, because we rarely had sex after that and the relationship would end four months later. Ah, to be young and inexperienced.

 

[Amory]

God, most of these are cringe-inducing.

 

[SJRB]

I had a girlfriend who believed herself to give the best blowjobs in the world and she was quite proud of that.

However, in reality it was as if she was trying to suck the last drups out of a milkshake. You know, insane sucking with the slurping noises and whatnot. No hands involved, just straight up vacuum cleaning suction. It was very unpleasant, to say the least.

It was also unpleasant when she asked me afterwards "was that the best blowjob you ever had, or what?". I had no choice but to answer "it sucked". We laughed it off but I had a sore penis for 2 days.

 

[Jzero]

God, most of these are cringe-inducing.

And extremely hilarious.

 

[PhoenixDark]

With a pawg I met at Buffalo Wild Wings; we had a few drinks and went to her dorm on campus. It started well enough, but after a few minutes I noticed that it felt like my legs were super wet. I figured she was just super into it, but the more things continued the wetter it got. I got a whiff of some odd smell at which point I knew something was wrong. I decided to switch positions and see what was happening. As I repositioned I turned her lamp on and realized my dick and thigh were covered in what seemed to be mayo. Once I saw it I smelt it; it was like being outside a room in which some raw fish had been on the table for awhile - not a direct smell, but something that would just hit your nostrils every few seconds.

She was a bit drunk, and when she saw my legs/dick she said "should I get some bread?" as if it was funny. Eventually she came to her senses and realized she was disgusting, and I could tell she wanted to apologize. I went to the bathroom, wiped that shit off with a hand towel, put the condom in my pocket (I didn't trust her), and left.

 

[monome]

Fuck you for taking me away from a test.

So I was talking with a girl online about 5 years ago, back when I was living in SoCal. She seemed of the shy type, but after about a couple of weeks, she really opened up, phone and skype sex every other night, all the stuff.

We decide to finally meet up because we could not take it anymore. She wanted some, I wanted it all, and it would be hot to meet somewhere in the middle (we lived a good 40ish miles apart) and just go. The day comes, and after having lunch and playing mini-golf, we get to the motel, I shell out $90, and we get into the room and immediately my shirt is flying, and we are making out.

Now, the first warning sign was that it was my clothes being shed. She wasn't a secret fatty, because I saw what was up over cam. But hell, she was pulling me and getting down so I paid it little attention. I get around to getting her on the bed, taking her shirt off, unbuckling her bra and giving her every bit of attention with my mouth. She's loving it, and after some time, starts to unbuckle her pants, but stops. I think to myself, "Ok, she wants me to do it" but when I reach, she pushes me away. Now, I'm harder than Thor's hammer and I want to go all out, so I push her hand away and begin to strip off the pants and tear off her panties.

BIG FUCKING MISTAKE.
The smell came all at once, and hit me harder and faster than a 12-gauge to the temple. From hard as a rock to a banana peel, and it took all the willpower to not heave. I looked at her, and she had this look that told me that this was a problem for other guys and was awaiting my reaction. With eyes watering and the gag reflexes doing the work of gods, I kissed her and began fingering...I did not want her to feel bad but my dick could not do that work. Then the worst thing happens. She pushes my head down in an effort to do the impossible...but again, I didn't want to make her feel bad. I spread her apart, breathing from my mouth, and mind you the smell gets worse. Imagine mildew, old urine and a slight whiff of ass. Then toss that into a can of tuna. It's not good. I lick, and my body said no, and I heave. She gasps, I say something along the lines of ITS NOT YOU IM SICK but as soon as I do I throw up in my mouth. She begins crying while struggling to put on her ripped panties, and I just feel like shit both physically and for the poor sap that has to take that next time. By the time I get out of the bathroom, she's gone, and we haven't really talked since.

tl;dr: If it smells, suggest to take a shower together or something, because damn.

holy fuck...holy fuuuuucckkkk.

 

[Trin]

With a pawg I met at Buffalo Wild Wings; we had a few drinks and went to her dorm on campus. It started well enough, but after a few minutes I noticed that it felt like my legs were super wet. I figured she was just super into it, but the more things continued the wetter it got. I got a whiff of some odd smell at which point I knew something was wrong. I decided to switch positions and see what was happening. As I repositioned I turned her lamp on and realized my dick and thigh were covered in what seemed to be mayo. Once I saw it I smelt it; it was like being outside a room in which some raw fish had been on the table for awhile - not a direct smell, but something that would just hit your nostrils every few seconds.

She was a bit drunk, and when she saw my legs/dick she said "should I get some bread?" as if it was funny. Eventually she came to her senses and realized she was disgusting, and I could tell she wanted to apologize. I went to the bathroom, wiped that shit off with a hand towel, put the condom in my pocket (I didn't trust her), and left.

1. Ew
2. "pawg"?

 

[Phonomezer]

ITT: dirty vaginas.

 

[Horse Detective]

BIG FUCKING MISTAKE.
The smell came all at once, and hit me harder and faster than a 12-gauge to the temple. From hard as a rock to a banana peel, and it took all the willpower to not heave. I looked at her, and she had this look that told me that this was a problem for other guys and was awaiting my reaction. With eyes watering and the gag reflexes doing the work of gods, I kissed her and began fingering...I did not want her to feel bad but my dick could not do that work. Then the worst thing happens. She pushes my head down in an effort to do the impossible...but again, I didn't want to make her feel bad. I spread her apart, breathing from my mouth, and mind you the smell gets worse. Imagine mildew, old urine and a slight whiff of ass. Then toss that into a can of tuna. It's not good. I lick, and my body said no, and I heave. She gasps, I say something along the lines of ITS NOT YOU IM SICK but as soon as I do I throw up in my mouth. She begins crying while struggling to put on her ripped panties, and I just feel like shit both physically and for the poor sap that has to take that next time. By the time I get out of the bathroom, she's gone, and we haven't really talked since.

tl;dr: If it smells, suggest to take a shower together or something, because damn.

Ahahahahahahahahaha

Hahahahahahahahah oh god oh god.

Your descriptions are amazing.

 

[Vesmir]

1. Ew
2. "pawg"?

phat ass white girl according to google

 

[Resilient]

With a pawg I met at Buffalo Wild Wings; we had a few drinks and went to her dorm on campus. It started well enough, but after a few minutes I noticed that it felt like my legs were super wet. I figured she was just super into it, but the more things continued the wetter it got. I got a whiff of some odd smell at which point I knew something was wrong. I decided to switch positions and see what was happening. As I repositioned I turned her lamp on and realized my dick and thigh were covered in what seemed to be mayo. Once I saw it I smelt it; it was like being outside a room in which some raw fish had been on the table for awhile - not a direct smell, but something that would just hit your nostrils every few seconds.

She was a bit drunk, and when she saw my legs/dick she said "should I get some bread?" as if it was funny. Eventually she came to her senses and realized she was disgusting, and I could tell she wanted to apologize. I went to the bathroom, wiped that shit off with a hand towel, put the condom in my pocket (I didn't trust her), and left.

I'm probably gonna go down for this, but by mayo, do you mean another guys spunk? :lol

 

[HiiiLife]

Stank vag <<<<

 

[Jzero]

Doesn't all that vaginal smell mean they have an infection?

 

[fanboi]

Doesn't all that vaginal smell mean they have an infection?

Or not cleaning.

 

[Nemesis_]

IT SMELT LIKE CAT FOOD

 

[PhoenixDark]

I'm probably gonna go down for this, but by mayo, do you mean another guys spunk? :lol

No, I mean like actual mayonnaise.

 

[Jzero]

Or not cleaning.

Huh, according to this it may happen from washing their vagina too much.

No, I mean like actual mayonnaise.

wait what?

 

[HiiiLife]

No, I mean like actual mayonnaise.

Well, shit.

 

[GavinGT]

No, I mean like actual mayonnaise.

Are we talking about excess vaginal fluid? Or did you never really investigate the matter?

 

[Horse Detective]

No, I mean like actual mayonnaise.

 

[wwm0nkey]

First girl ever was pretty awful, she did not want to move or try anything at all and I mean NOTHING at all and it was boring and un-enjoyable :/

Second girl was ok but she was also one of those "I give the best blow job" girls and she did not use her hands or tongue at all, just kept slamming an open mouth on it and sometimes using teeth and the car was so small that we couldn't really do anything exciting either, also the smell was pretty awful