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My girl left me last night, but I'm not sure it's for good yet.
- Thread starter lem0n
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mullet2000
Member
This is probably over, you should try to accept that.
OP I don't want to be too harsh on you, but take this as an opportunity to deal with your possessiveness and obssessiveness issues. A lot of what you wrote makes it pretty clear why she was getting fed up with it. She was already drifting away (as you said) and that sucks a lot, but you acting the way that you were acting helped speed it along when will bite you in the ass in your next relationship if you don't work on it now, too.
Possessiveness often stems from a lack of self worth (in my experience) so go out form, make new friends, join a new club or group, pick up some activities and exercise, etc. You've got some working on yourself to do and in the future you'll be very glad you did it if you do actually go ahead and do it now.
OP I don't want to be too harsh on you, but take this as an opportunity to deal with your possessiveness and obssessiveness issues. A lot of what you wrote makes it pretty clear why she was getting fed up with it. She was already drifting away (as you said) and that sucks a lot, but you acting the way that you were acting helped speed it along when will bite you in the ass in your next relationship if you don't work on it now, too.
Possessiveness often stems from a lack of self worth (in my experience) so go out form, make new friends, join a new club or group, pick up some activities and exercise, etc. You've got some working on yourself to do and in the future you'll be very glad you did it if you do actually go ahead and do it now.
hazelnoots
Member
Just take this time to allow her to figure stuff out while you do the same. It'll be good for both of you - you'll learn a lot regardless if you get back together or not. Seems you had good communication in the end at least, I hope all the best OP, whatever it may be.
You need to take some time and work on yourself man. Even if she wants to get back together I don't think you should.
She's right, you are possessive and jealous and these are problems. I know because I have the same problems and am working on them. I broke up with my girlfriend to do it and I'm a better person now than I've ever been.
She's right, you are possessive and jealous and these are problems. I know because I have the same problems and am working on them. I broke up with my girlfriend to do it and I'm a better person now than I've ever been.
finalflame
Gold Member
Smart man right here, OP. Listen to him.
interesting read, but like everyone else says, the relationship is now gonna get stormy weather from here on out. The day you lose trust in a relationship is the day everything goes downhill. At least both of you are talking, so it's not a complete shitfest breakup, but if you at least want to remain friendly with her, and not be like every other guy and cut her off and move on, then I suggest, you do the breaking up in a nice manner, rather than her telling you the news first. if you do it first, at least she'll be caught off guard and won't expect it and possibly agree with everything you say. You can then, tell her that maybe meeting different people is best and slowly start dating or just getting on with your life. I believe if its the guy breaking up first, based on my own experiences, there's a slight chance the girl, (should you wish to be with her again down the road) will come back. If you, think there's no chance to wanna be with her, then just move on then.
Six years is a very long time, especially for a relationship that started at such a young age for you two.
I suggest you speak to her sometime soon, but it seems like she is interested in looking for someone else. It is natural. Just be glad that it came down to this instead of her cheating on you and making you feel worse.
As many and I have said, to be with someone for 6 years starting at a young age would make so many people wonder about what they are missing out on. The relationship and your possessiveness may have made her feel suffocated by it all.
There are tons of people out there, so you never know who you could have missed out on during the relationship.
Good luck with this. Here, have some Tulips.
I suggest you speak to her sometime soon, but it seems like she is interested in looking for someone else. It is natural. Just be glad that it came down to this instead of her cheating on you and making you feel worse.
As many and I have said, to be with someone for 6 years starting at a young age would make so many people wonder about what they are missing out on. The relationship and your possessiveness may have made her feel suffocated by it all.
There are tons of people out there, so you never know who you could have missed out on during the relationship.
Good luck with this. Here, have some Tulips.
Your Entertainer
Member
Face booking another guy
Texting another guy
Cries when confronted
"I can't not focus on me"
Bruh - it's over. She wants new experiences - nothing against you, but you can't provide them. Her being in contact with those other dudes and the way she responded is very telling.
Texting another guy
Cries when confronted
"I can't not focus on me"
Bruh - it's over. She wants new experiences - nothing against you, but you can't provide them. Her being in contact with those other dudes and the way she responded is very telling.
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
this. Also, checking another person's shit is being overpossessive and not respecting their personal space.
finalflame
Gold Member
You're right, except also in this scenario OP's gf is, in fact, looking for some of that fresh, new, D. I think when you get to the point that you feel you need to check (paranoid types aside), it's probably over and you both know it.
BennyBlanco
aka IMurRIVAL69
She probably checked out a long time ago if she's sending guys pics on fb. If somebody is doing shit like that behind your back it's probably the tip of the iceberg. Just move on, get on Tinder or something lol.
Yup, she was caught and tried to turn it around on you and make it your fault.
NervousXtian
Thought Emoji Movie was good. Take that as you will.
You've been with her since she was basically just out of high-school... you grow a lot during that time.. and it's when you really need to find out what you are looking for out of life.
Time to move on, you can let this end on good terms, or fight for it and have it explode. 6 years is a long time, and it'll hurt like a motherfucker for sure.. but trust me.. you're young.. you'll meet someone new.. and you'll understand what you did wrong before.
Feel for you, but it was over when she was emotionally cheating on you.
Time to move on, you can let this end on good terms, or fight for it and have it explode. 6 years is a long time, and it'll hurt like a motherfucker for sure.. but trust me.. you're young.. you'll meet someone new.. and you'll understand what you did wrong before.
Feel for you, but it was over when she was emotionally cheating on you.
Exactly what I was thinking.
so texting people from the opposite gender is a no go in a relationship?
Around here everyone does that, it's totally normal.
lol none of you guys have any female friends?
She may not be in love with you anymore, but you said the messages were harmless, maybe because they were?
Around here everyone does that, it's totally normal.
lol none of you guys have any female friends?
She may not be in love with you anymore, but you said the messages were harmless, maybe because they were?
I have plenty of female friends. But I do not look to them to fulfill my romantic needs. You seem to have missed this line in the OP:
Ryouji Gunblade
Member
You can't make her stay with you. Find someone else, hopefully they'll stay for good.
mullet2000
Member
Caught doing what? Talking to another male human and having doubts about her current relationship at the same time?
The girl doesn't sound perfect but OP won't learn anything from this if he places all the blame for this break up on her. It's very obvious by his post that he has some pretty notable trust and possessiveness issues and he should recognize tbat and work toward making it better instead of demonizing her.
finalflame
Gold Member
She herself admitted that she was trying to get some kind of romantic fulfillment from these messages. Did you read what OP wrote?
Girl wants adventure and to be young and free. OP needs to let her go and work on improving himself. Clearly their relationship has been problematic, it needs to just end.
neurosisxeno
Member
Bingo. My ex phrased it differently to me about 2 months ago when we broke up, but it ended up meaning the same thing. For her, it was that she "didn't know who she was anymore" and "needed to figure out who she was and what she wanted". After breaking up with me she then started staying at a friends place while I started looking for a new place to live and eventually was staying at a guy who I've known for 11 years house 3-5 nights at a time. He was the one she went to hang out with after dumping me.
She refuses to admit it but clearly she started to get emotionally invested in him and it drove a wedge between us--before we broke up they were hanging out almost every night I worked that she had off too.
I've come to realize the "I need to focus on me" is basically just a nicer way of saying "I was happy before you and I want to get back to that point."
I'm not sure about OP, but in my situation there was a difference between texting a guy friend here and there, and someone my SO was clearly more attached to. For the last like month of our relationship she was texting this other guy about 3x as often as she talked to me. People do a lot of rationalizing--I kind of ignored a lot and didn't realize how obvious it was until about a month after we had broken up when she clearly had moved on to him.
bigedole
Member
Sounds like there are issues on both sides that have cracked the foundation of this relationship. You're young enough, I would suggest it is in both your interests to use this as a learning experience and move on. You know that she has already violated your relationship emotionally. Like another poster already implied, for everything you know, there's at least 3 things you don't.
We're here for you, brotato chip.
We're here for you, brotato chip.
Alligatorjandro
Banned
If she's talking to other guys she probably doesn't want you anymore.
mullet2000
Member
I get that. I'm just trying to say it's pretty clear both OP and the girl contributed notable amounts to the relationship failing in this case.
finalflame
Gold Member
Yes, definitely. OP needs to work on his trust and possessiveness issues for his next relationship, and improve himself, and she needs to be on her own and find out what she wants/explore/etc.
We can only hope OP takes the advice everyone has given him and moves on/works on his self improvement on his own.
From all this, you inferred that his trust and possessiveness is the reason why she had a facebook relationship with another man and tried to hide it?
I don't see how it is the OP's fault in any way.
Camp1nCarl
Member
Alright OP, I'll try to be as objective as possible based on the information we got.
You caught her messing around on Facebook with another guy. She essentially stated she wasn't getting satisfied with you. This was the writing on the wall initially, and this definitely caused you to lose trust in her, hence you checking out her shit like texts and FB. At this point your already in trouble because of trust issues (what she calls your "possessiveness").
You have some trust issues now, as well as confidence issues about whether or not your "good enough now." Personally, it looks like she is taking advantage of you this way and was walking on you (nicely albeit).
I think it's safe to say it's over OP. Much easier said then done from somebody over the internet like myself then someone experiencing IRL like yourself currently, but I am just offering my two cents. Use this time to focus and improve yourself, and chalk this up as a learning experience. Granted we don't get to hear about any of this from her POV, but nonetheless good luck OP.
You caught her messing around on Facebook with another guy. She essentially stated she wasn't getting satisfied with you. This was the writing on the wall initially, and this definitely caused you to lose trust in her, hence you checking out her shit like texts and FB. At this point your already in trouble because of trust issues (what she calls your "possessiveness").
You have some trust issues now, as well as confidence issues about whether or not your "good enough now." Personally, it looks like she is taking advantage of you this way and was walking on you (nicely albeit).
I think it's safe to say it's over OP. Much easier said then done from somebody over the internet like myself then someone experiencing IRL like yourself currently, but I am just offering my two cents. Use this time to focus and improve yourself, and chalk this up as a learning experience. Granted we don't get to hear about any of this from her POV, but nonetheless good luck OP.
SillyEskimo
Member
She's at her friends house right now try to figure out the best way to break up with you. Start separating your stuff right now. Be mentally and emotionally prepared for the hammer. Don't focus on blame. Focus on the here and now.
Sorry dude. Its never, ever easy.
Sorry dude. Its never, ever easy.
finalflame
Gold Member
No, I'm not saying it was OP's fault, she did a stupid, most likely malicious thing. At the age of 19 lots of people do lots of stupid things, and it's quite possible OP should have never given her a pass and broken it up right then and there.
What's not ok or healthy is for OP to accept the event, stay in the relationship, and become possessive and controlling/untrusting. Either trust her and stay with her, or tell her you can't trust her anymore and leave. Other scenarios are just unfair for one of the involved.
The incident didn't happen when she was 19. She was 25. Your post seems like you're trying to come up with an excuse to give her a pass and somehow put the blame on the OP.
It kind of feels like there is missing information from your story. At least, enough to know how much she has been dealing with, or you as well. Either way, whatever the hidden details are that are causing issues, it seems like it's gone too long. She's going to keep doing this until it goes to far, or you become even more possessive.
It's a good time to abandon ship. I know it's difficult. But it will be best to cut off now.
EDIT: And it may not even be anything you did in particular, it's just that she was young the time you guys met, and now she's grown past it but is still trying to make it work. It's possible you may not even feel this way. But it takes two for a relationship to work, so it most likely won't end well. If you stay together, it may get much, much worse.
It's a good time to abandon ship. I know it's difficult. But it will be best to cut off now.
EDIT: And it may not even be anything you did in particular, it's just that she was young the time you guys met, and now she's grown past it but is still trying to make it work. It's possible you may not even feel this way. But it takes two for a relationship to work, so it most likely won't end well. If you stay together, it may get much, much worse.
Rktk
Member
The next thing to do is break up with her, especially if her pleaser attitude is going to have the relationship limp on for any length of time. It's not just your fault since she was withholding how she was feeling; rather than talk to you she let it linger. You got together at 19, people change a lot, you should see other people and don't get into anything serious right away.
thelastcrusader
Banned
Dude. Wtf. Actually read the whole thing btw. Don't be such a pushover. You should have dropped her at the first instance. Casually chatting is one thing but sending pics too? Fuck that shit. This is the kind of toxic chick no one should tolerate. She's the kind of chick that bangs the pool boy, gardner, neighbor, and ups guy in rotation while you're at work and someone makes herself into the victim. Just from your tone you sound like the biggest pushover ever. You can't be like that in life or else people will trample over you. If your gf is getting texts at night from a dude you have all the right in the world to inquire unless you two aren't exclusive. Drop her, get a new girl, and move out. If you want to forget about her quickly go get a nuru bodyrub from a hotass chick and you won't even remember her.
BennyBlanco
aka IMurRIVAL69
Yeah bro, hiring sex workers is the mark of an alpha male who won't be pushed around.
thelastcrusader
Banned
I didn't say that. I said it would help him forget her. The equivalent of going to a strip club for most people. Don't put words in my mouth.
BennyBlanco
aka IMurRIVAL69
I'm sorry but your whole don't be a doormat thing then ending with telling him to find a prostitute was pretty funny.
thelastcrusader
Banned
Some guys have a real hard time getting over girls without having some kind of physical contact. I know people that will hound a girl for weeks or months until they touch another girl and suddenly realize there are more fish in the sea and that she wasn't the only one that can give him wood.
Also, never told him to bang the aforementioned prostitute!
Huh, weird. I just broke up with my girlfriend a month and a half ago, and it's the same thing as the OP and this - things like "I need to focus on helping myself" and "I'm too worried about helping other people" etc., stuff like that. And of course, it turns out there's another guy friend from school she'd been talking to more and more when I'd been away for a summer job.
Now, I think my problem goes deeper - she was admitted to the hospital for a month before we broke up and diagnosed with a mental disorder, so when she says she needs to get better, it's legit. But there's definitely some non-truth there, and while I believe her when she says the other guy is just friends, it's still emotional cheating and I wouldn't be surprised if it changes soon.
It's been pretty brutal, she was really a good person... but makes me hope I can meet someone in the future who actually speaks what they're really feeling - I'm pretty sick of bad communication. I told her everything I was thinking at the time and maybe it made it worse but I feel that's the only way, really.
Did you really read the OP? She chatted with one guy on the internet. You make it seem like she's been banging every guy in town.
thelastcrusader
Banned
Dude whenever anyone tells you shit like this it usually means they got the next ass on standby. Sucks I know but i did it countless times myself until I finally got married.
CelticKnight
Member
For lack of a better term, it seems like she's got tired of you and wants to see what it's like to spread her wings
Just walk away. Accept the loss and be happy with the knowledge that she blinked first. Enjoy being single, you might someone better.
among other things
Just walk away. Accept the loss and be happy with the knowledge that she blinked first. Enjoy being single, you might someone better.
We are done here folks.
As a victim of being cheated on.....I agree 100% with these 3 posts and all similar posts.
I played the non jealous guy, open minded, understanding....all that did was allow her to cheat longer. "If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck.....its fucking your next door neighbor"
Exactly.
thelastcrusader
Banned
Did you? She was sending the guy pics. And then she met a new guy later and within 2 weeks was already getting texts from him late at night while my boy here is just trying to get his Rainbow Six on.
Even still. I'm not debating that it's not over for them. That part is clear. But to say that she's banging or would bang every guy nearby is a stretch. It's possible to arrive at the right conclusion without entertaining such a grim outlook on people in general.
Hopefully OP will heed the advice and drop it, though.
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