thelastcrusader
Banned
Just saying she's the type. Which if I had to bet money on, I totally would based off of these events.
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My girl left me last night, but I'm not sure it's for good yet.
- Thread starter lem0n
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rocketskates
Member
Ding ding ding
Zantetsuken
Member
Usually at that point she's already been talking to someone else for awhile. When you find out, it's too late.
FalsettoVibe
Member
lmfao.
FullMetaltech
Member
I have to agree. The seeds of doubt are planted to far in for it to ever be the same.
Sho_Nuff82
Member
This is harder than most relationship-age topics. For some reason, you really can't see what's bothering her.
My assessment would be that she's genuinely unhappy in the relationship, but she's too nice to tell you about why. So she acts out, and pretends like your possessiveness is the only thing that's bothering her. The fact that she's seeking excitement in online chats means that she likely wants to test the waters. She doesn't know how to do this without breaking your heart; she's a pleaser, so cheating probably doesn't cross her mind often.
So she will break up with you. It's coming. This break will turn from a few days to a few weeks, where she will begin to explore her feelings for other people. If it goes south she might ask for you back, but as soon as she gets the itch again she'll drop you again.
Sorry man.
My assessment would be that she's genuinely unhappy in the relationship, but she's too nice to tell you about why. So she acts out, and pretends like your possessiveness is the only thing that's bothering her. The fact that she's seeking excitement in online chats means that she likely wants to test the waters. She doesn't know how to do this without breaking your heart; she's a pleaser, so cheating probably doesn't cross her mind often.
So she will break up with you. It's coming. This break will turn from a few days to a few weeks, where she will begin to explore her feelings for other people. If it goes south she might ask for you back, but as soon as she gets the itch again she'll drop you again.
Sorry man.
KingHenrik30
Member
Go out there and get some strange
lem0n
Member
I don't expect you all to know what sort of person she is, because all you have is a few paragraphs about the situation that paints her in a very bad light. I'm not saying don't make your own assumptions based on facts, I'm saying she's not the terrible woman you all think she is. I'm not being a pushover, I'm not being overly trusting or whatever. I'll tell you why:
I broke it off. Just now. I read through some of you guys replies and it really turned some gears in my head. Especially regarding the Facebook nonsense. Showing pics, etc. You guys were right, she checked out late last year, heard it from her mouth over the phone. Yes, I did this over the phone. Would have been best to save it for face to face, but shit needed said. We both agreed that we need to move on. She said "give me some time" last night to see if the feelings she's having would pass, but I don't think those are feelings that just go away. It's a change in how someone feels. It's fucking sad, and I would have never guessed this would happen, say, pre November. Everything seemed awesome. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself, we did everything together, and, I thought, happily. It's going to be a weird transition. But a good buddy of mine thinks it's for the best, which is nice. It's good to know my friends have my back.
I dunno. I needed to update this. I really have you guys to thank for swaying me in the correct direction. I just didn't want to believe that it could be over.
I broke it off. Just now. I read through some of you guys replies and it really turned some gears in my head. Especially regarding the Facebook nonsense. Showing pics, etc. You guys were right, she checked out late last year, heard it from her mouth over the phone. Yes, I did this over the phone. Would have been best to save it for face to face, but shit needed said. We both agreed that we need to move on. She said "give me some time" last night to see if the feelings she's having would pass, but I don't think those are feelings that just go away. It's a change in how someone feels. It's fucking sad, and I would have never guessed this would happen, say, pre November. Everything seemed awesome. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself, we did everything together, and, I thought, happily. It's going to be a weird transition. But a good buddy of mine thinks it's for the best, which is nice. It's good to know my friends have my back.
I dunno. I needed to update this. I really have you guys to thank for swaying me in the correct direction. I just didn't want to believe that it could be over.
thelastcrusader
Banned
Glad to hear and kudos on a job well done. Sorry to come off as harsh but sometimes harsh is the only way to make shit sink. Now go kill some terries in R6, you deserve it
crazyrabbits
Banned
You did good, child. You did good.
Now is the time to work on yourself and take what you've learned before moving forward.
Now is the time to work on yourself and take what you've learned before moving forward.
You did the right thing. Better to stop it now before you both really sink with the ship.
Someone finally listened.
6yrs you been with this girl. Simple conversation to resolve her issues that include lack of consideration, selfishness, and disrespect are unnecessarily complicated. She doesn't seek for solution and she repeats the same mistakes. She doesn't consider you enough and yet when you highlight this she repeats. Again, you been with her for 6yrs.
Move on. The relationship is done. Sounds like you both were still in the relationship due to ease and she is obviously not serious enough, hence the lengthy and repetitive discussions for something simple. You will NOT marry her and that I guarantee at this point. Go look for a girl that will invest her time with you and does her best to make a future with you. I read your update and my thoughts still stand. Though you already moving on but I want to make this thoroughly clear to drone it into your heart and mind, DO NOT WASTE ANY MORE TIME WITH HER. Go work on yourself, make new friends, grow from your experiences with her and become a stronger and better partner for your new upcoming gf that will happen.
We got you bro. You'll do good.
Move on. The relationship is done. Sounds like you both were still in the relationship due to ease and she is obviously not serious enough, hence the lengthy and repetitive discussions for something simple. You will NOT marry her and that I guarantee at this point. Go look for a girl that will invest her time with you and does her best to make a future with you. I read your update and my thoughts still stand. Though you already moving on but I want to make this thoroughly clear to drone it into your heart and mind, DO NOT WASTE ANY MORE TIME WITH HER. Go work on yourself, make new friends, grow from your experiences with her and become a stronger and better partner for your new upcoming gf that will happen.
We got you bro. You'll do good.
lem0n
Member
I hope it was the right thing. I hope I'm not just caught up in emotions. I feel like it was coming, though. How she replied to some things I said on the phone was telling, too. She knew it was done.
It's so fucking hard listening to advice you don't want to hear. 6 years, man. Fuck. But it'll be better, somehow. That's what people keep telling me.
It's so fucking hard listening to advice you don't want to hear. 6 years, man. Fuck. But it'll be better, somehow. That's what people keep telling me.
Been there, 5 years and she cheated on me, her mom told me too, lol. Keep your head up, work out, you got this bruh
thelastcrusader
Banned
Dude it happens. People get comfortable. You'll do better in the next relationship. Think of this relationship as a stepping stone to your future wife. I did nothing but long terms, 4 years, 3 years, 4 years, etc. then met my current wife and proposed 2 weeks later,married a month after, and am still happily married 3 years later. Trust me you did the right thing and if there's anyone you can trust it's a complete stranger on the internet who knows nothing about you.
Do you know what's in those "romantic novels she used to write as a young teen"?
ROMANCE.
She's getting ROMANCE from other dudes via FB messenger because she wasn't getting any from you.
lem0n
Member
I like you.
Yeah, you're probably right, too. I'm sure every one of those 3 or 4 year women felt like "the one", right?
Yes, thank you.
thelastcrusader
Banned
Dude read up. Don't need to pour anymore salt in the wound.
One of them I actually married too and that still fell through. It happens man. Especially when you think you know it all and the reality is you don't. Sometimes friends and family try to warn us but a lot of times we're too proud and dense to pick up the warnings and signs.
Pancake Mix
Copied someone else's pancake recipe
You did good man, it was already over. You'll find one who treats you better.
Sorry, I just came into the thread. You did good OP, you'll find someone else.
Astral Dog
Member
Aww, she sounds like a sweet girl.
Im not sure what you do to put her like that OP, but its no good, be careful or you will lose her forever.
Im not sure what you do to put her like that OP, but its no good, be careful or you will lose her forever.
Pancake Mix
Copied someone else's pancake recipe
... She was cybering with other gents.
She was already gone, clocked out last year. The OP behaved rationally. Love bites but the sting will pass.
JigglesBunny
Banned
Best of luck, OP. Onto the next, this one, while rough to accept, is just a block on the road leading to "the one."
You gotta keep your head up, cut all contact and keep her far away for a long while to get into your own groove, and get out there. Make some new friends, new hobbies or get back into old ones, and get yourself some new tail when the time is right for some sexual healin'.
You'll be alright man, this is life and we all go through it. Hang in there, best wishes.
You gotta keep your head up, cut all contact and keep her far away for a long while to get into your own groove, and get out there. Make some new friends, new hobbies or get back into old ones, and get yourself some new tail when the time is right for some sexual healin'.
You'll be alright man, this is life and we all go through it. Hang in there, best wishes.
mhayes86
Member
This kind of sounds like how my first relationship ended, but that was only 2 years in, and we were only in our late teens. Random guys would find my girlfriend online and flirt with her, and eventually she would start talking to them on the phone. I confronted her about it, but at that point it was always on the back of my mind.
It continued a couple more times, so eventually we broke it off; I still loved her, and she loved me, but she was falling for someone she never met before, and she wasn't showing signs of stopping. She didn't want to lose me, but I knew it would do nothing more than create tension between us and prevent me from moving on, so I cut contact with her.
Two years later, she got back in touch with me and wanted to get back together. I already moved on by then, and was dating the girl who is now my fiancee (we've been together for almost 8 years now).
Six years is a good chunk of time, OP, and it sounds like you're discussing it like adults for the most part. Give her a few days and see where it goes, but don't get your hopes up.
It continued a couple more times, so eventually we broke it off; I still loved her, and she loved me, but she was falling for someone she never met before, and she wasn't showing signs of stopping. She didn't want to lose me, but I knew it would do nothing more than create tension between us and prevent me from moving on, so I cut contact with her.
Two years later, she got back in touch with me and wanted to get back together. I already moved on by then, and was dating the girl who is now my fiancee (we've been together for almost 8 years now).
Six years is a good chunk of time, OP, and it sounds like you're discussing it like adults for the most part. Give her a few days and see where it goes, but don't get your hopes up.
Jack The Nipper
Banned
Think real deep about the idea of plenty fish on the sea
Also think real hard why you care so much even if she is talking to other guys.
Hell, even if she is hooking up with another guy it usually doesn't mean much imo
But if she wants to do that she's going to do that. Either let it go or ask her to leave.
You think bothering her about it is going to help?usually not.
If she wants to do it she will do it. Gotta understand. People won't hide something if they don't want.
Seems your overly invested with the way you word things. I do get you can be controlling. I don't think trying to see how others are in this situation helps
There will be a day you realize you don't like her as much as you think though. Best way to handle it is just accept what's there and just be kind. Don't worry bout it.
You will feel better. Can promise that
Also think real hard why you care so much even if she is talking to other guys.
Hell, even if she is hooking up with another guy it usually doesn't mean much imo
But if she wants to do that she's going to do that. Either let it go or ask her to leave.
You think bothering her about it is going to help?usually not.
If she wants to do it she will do it. Gotta understand. People won't hide something if they don't want.
Seems your overly invested with the way you word things. I do get you can be controlling. I don't think trying to see how others are in this situation helps
There will be a day you realize you don't like her as much as you think though. Best way to handle it is just accept what's there and just be kind. Don't worry bout it.
You will feel better. Can promise that
nintendork666
Member
I was dumped after a 7 year relationship last June OP. It sucks, because I really thought she was the one. I've been with two girls since, sisters actually, both multiple times. While no longer having that comfort and familiarity in your life is terrifying, the spontaneity and freedom you will develop can be addictive. SISTERS, OP, SISTERS. Godspeed, dude.
IISANDERII
Member
It's a catch 22, to get her back you gotta let go. Can't let her feel she's trapped so you did good by encouraging space. Keep it up, that's your only chance. Do not contact her no matter what.
Jack The Nipper
Banned
LT Snoshado
Member
You know if you need anyone to talk to you have everyone in this thread and more.
It's always tough to deal with the aftermath of a relationship - especially one that has lasted so long but I think you did the right thing.
If I could give you one bit of advice, it would be to focus all of your energy on yourself right now and go live life freely. Better yourself in any way you can and try to focus on all the positives. You won't have to worry about the trust issues anymore, you won't have to worry about being possessive, you'll just have to worry about keeping your head up and moving your life forward.
...and remember, GAF is always here for you.
It's always tough to deal with the aftermath of a relationship - especially one that has lasted so long but I think you did the right thing.
If I could give you one bit of advice, it would be to focus all of your energy on yourself right now and go live life freely. Better yourself in any way you can and try to focus on all the positives. You won't have to worry about the trust issues anymore, you won't have to worry about being possessive, you'll just have to worry about keeping your head up and moving your life forward.
...and remember, GAF is always here for you.
mullet2000
Member
It will get a LOT better mate. It will. If you want to see where I was a year or so ago, check out this thread I made when I and my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years split up (or 'went on a break' but we all know what that means). I felt just like you do now, I'm sure. But now I'm one of the people in your thread telling you it gets way better.
But now I'm sitting here a year later and have never felt better about my life. I've met a great new girl. I'm 40 pounds lighter and at the physical peak of my life. I've made new friends. I'm 9 months in to two different Shaolin Kung Fu clubs and loving it, something I wouldn't have done before.
You'll be alright. Just don't be one of those people who does nothing and becomes a broken person after a break up. It's okay to feel like that for a small amount of time but take this as an opportunity to grow as a person, and to understand how you can make your next relationship a better one.
outunderthestars
Banned
It was over already, they just weren't willing to admit it yet. The other guy isn't important in any way other than being a tool for her to be able to move on.
OP, break off contact, heal, and move on
Aaaaaand I just got done reading the rest of the thread. Good luck in the future OP.
How About No
Member
It's ok there's plenty of women out there who like making spaghetti as much as you OP
lem0n
Member
I've read every post in here, and I thank you again for taking time to offer advice. This forum really is incredible.
Thank you, man. It's nice to hear that. I know it's totally true, too. Strangers can be so cool sometimes, lol. I'll do just that, and focus on me. I have some growing and learning to do, and I'm ready. Nice Forester, too, btw. Haha.
Yeah I'm hoping I can bounce back and get in a nice groove after a little while. It's good to hear everything worked out for you, I'm happy to hear that. It's nice that shit just works out for folks once and a while, even when it seems like it's probably not going to.
Don't you tease me with such things
Thank you, man. It's nice to hear that. I know it's totally true, too. Strangers can be so cool sometimes, lol. I'll do just that, and focus on me. I have some growing and learning to do, and I'm ready. Nice Forester, too, btw. Haha.
Yeah I'm hoping I can bounce back and get in a nice groove after a little while. It's good to hear everything worked out for you, I'm happy to hear that. It's nice that shit just works out for folks once and a while, even when it seems like it's probably not going to.
It's ok there's plenty of women out there who like making spaghetti as much as you OP
Don't you tease me with such things
Nyeh heh heh
D
Deleted member 1235
Unconfirmed Member
introvert pleaser tells you you are possesive and shes not in love with you any more and then she left?
sounds like its over.
sounds like its over.
nintendork666
Member
After getting dumped, I dated a girl for a month before deciding that I wasn't ready for a new relationship yet. A while later, her older sister started coming over to my apartment and we hooked up a few times.
Overall though, I've been forcing myself to socialize more and to get out of my comfort zone with trying new things. It's a struggle and I do get depressed quite often, but the impermanence of it all has caused much personal growth in me.
mullet2000
Member
You can and will bounce back if you put some effort into doing so. Like I said, take some chances and find some new ways to grow and you absolutely will.
And, that's the thing, had you asked me a year and a bit ago I'd have said I thought things probably weren't going to work out too. Yet, here I am, saying it did. A year from now it'll be you in a thread saying that to another dude going through a rough time. The beginning parts of getting through this sucks, I'm not going to lie to you, but everyone telling you it gets better - not just 'good again' but even better than you felt before - are saying that because it happened to them too.
thelastcrusader
Banned
You'll live. People only die of broken hearts in Star Wars. And Cockatoos...you'll be fine.
If it wasn't both sisters at the same time nothing to brag about!
AdventureRacing
Member
2 years ago I ended a 6 year relationship for similar reasons. It was only afterwards that I realised how toxic and awful I had been treated. After a year being single I found the girl of my dreams and soon we'll being having our 1 year anniversary.
Take some time to focus on yourself and just enjoy the freedom for a while. It will take a while to get over what has happened and that's normal. 6 years is a long time to invest in something. Just know that things do get better and with time you'll find someone new.
Take some time to focus on yourself and just enjoy the freedom for a while. It will take a while to get over what has happened and that's normal. 6 years is a long time to invest in something. Just know that things do get better and with time you'll find someone new.
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