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[bengraven]

It's fine to disagree on someone's views - the internet has helped us come into contact with people who have the complete opposite views as us. But making it personal, especially to someone who's not in the public eye, is taking things to another level. It's disturbing. It's obsessive.

Hale Goetz is a feminist writer (and self avowed gamer) who regularly contributes to blog entries on things such as Gamergate and the concept of rape culture. Because of this she became an enemy in the eyes of someone who was on the opposite of her viewpoint. Someone who knew her back when she was young. And someone who hated her and her views enough to humiliate her.

You may not agree with her. You may feel offended by some of the things she's said. I personally haven't read any of her work.

But does that mean you're going to go primal in your treatment of her?

I had just finished Christmas dinner with my family when I got the call: “A picture of you is on the front page of r/funny,” my friend told me. I’m not a regular Reddit user, but I know about r/funny—it’s a popular subpage, a place with a lot of cat pictures. Funny? Had I been funny? I traced back through the past week, wondering if I had finally made one of my 119 Twitter followers laugh, but then my stomach clenched as my friend explained my stardom wasn’t because I had been funny. It was because I had gotten fat.

Entitled “Empowered Feminist,” the post on Imgur (a photo-sharing site that serves as unofficial Reddit companion) went up 10 months ago and now has over 750,000 views, a number that goes up by the thousands each day. The picture on the left—me, as a skinny girl—is taken from my high school yearbook. It doesn’t exist on social media, or it didn’t until someone I went to school with took a grainy, washed-out cell phone pic to post on Imgur. It’s labeled “2009,” but it was actually taken in 2007. I had just turned 16 and was entering my junior year.

On the right, my hair is shorter, I now have glasses, and I am fat. Get the joke? I was skinny, and now I’m not. The likely cause of my weight gain, says the internet, is Tumblr and my (not actually) recent flirtation with social justice.

After a few apologies from my friend and some quiet thank yous from me, I hung up. My family rushed to my defense when I told them what had happened; they were livid, with raised voices and tears in their eyes. For a moment I was furious, too. I clicked the link my friend had texted me to Reddit. I looked at the image. I read the comments. And then, I laughed.

“Well, they’re not wrong?” I said, shrugging on that last word, my inflection suggesting a question. They’re not wrong that I was skinny, and now I’m not anymore. So what?

The picture in question.

She took it in stride.

I think I look pretty good in that “after” picture, the one on the right where I am very fat. It’s from when my now-husband and I announced our engagement in June 2014, and it was taken on a MacBook near the best source of light in our shitty Chicago apartment. I think of my lipstick, dark red and painstakingly painted, as a moment of perfection frozen in time. If my husband’s face hadn’t been cropped out of the meme, you would see his bushy, red beard and thoughtfully closed eyes. We had spent all day calling our families, telling them the news, and then we took a round of pictures to send to our friends. This is the same picture that’s sitting on my husband’s dresser, printed and framed by my mother-in-law. This is us, happy and cute and in love.

Of course, 750,000 of my closest friends do not agree. Cross-posted between MRA sites and Reddit boards aimed at humor and fat-shaming, my 16-year-old self smiles on the left while my 23-year-old self smiles on the right. The comments debate my fuckability, posing inquiries like: How many dicks would I have gotten had I stayed thin? Didn’t I know the dangers of being obese and the medical conditions that could arise? And, was that really even the same person?

The thousands of comments were as repetitive as if the people writing them had just hit copy-paste. The same sentiments appeared over and over again, yet everyone felt equally compelled to write them. She’s fat, she’s gross, how can this happen? And so on.

It makes me wonder what they’re like to their friends, to their families, to their coworkers. If they met me at a party, would they laugh in my face? Based on the good time I generally have at parties, my instinct says no. But just to be safe, maybe I should start carrying my junior year ID around so we can get this out of the way: I used to be thin, and now I’m as fat as what’s in front of you. Me, then. Me, now. Get it?

I always wondered the same thing. When I've had people treat me like I was the lowest of human scum, not worthy of being alive, being in their company. I was gross, fat, my clothes were old-fashioned. But did they go home to a mom who loved them? Are they married now to someone who they can't live without? Do they believe I didn't have the same thing or could be capable of it? Or was it that they were "normal" and normal people are still "good" if they treat abnormal people like shit. You can fat shame someone, talk about their race or sex in a negative, but still give to charity, help your neighbor fix his roof.

At what point do you realize that if you were truly good you should treat everyone the same?

“Just, like, wanna destroy whoever made that,” said a friend, followed by the bubbled “...” as I waited for her to elaborate. “Like, I want them wiped from this earth.”

With the knowledge gained from a bachelor’s in writing at my disposal, I wrote back, “LOL.”

I couldn’t get in touch with the anger my friends and family felt. A year ago, I might have popped on Reddit to defend myself to the people who shamed me, but it just seems so pointless now. What’s the argument? What am I supposed to be defending?

A lot of people in the feminist community encourage you to love your body no matter what, but I don’t. The love for my body is the same it’s always been: a little mark on the scale between annoyance and acceptance. I’ve lost 30 pounds since the picture on the right, and I’ll probably lose more, and then maybe I’ll gain some back. Bodies sag and they droop and they tighten and stretch. My body is a part of me, I give it a lot of vegetables and a lot of water, and I use sugar scrubs and coconut oil to make my skin soft. Sometimes I look in the mirror, stand to the side, and push out my belly to get a better look. Weird, I think. Bodies are weird.

To me, being fat is just another bullet point on my list of attributes, something factual but not all that interesting, like how I’m 5’6” or that I dye my hair. But thousands of pictures like the one I found of me exist; I saw them stacked up in piles with my own. What is it about us that makes people so mad? Maybe someday being a fat woman won’t feel like a political statement, but for now, I’m happy to exist in accidental defiance: I am happy and I am fat. Let’s eat.

http://jezebel.com/when-your-fat-pic-goes-viral-as-a-feminist-cautionary-t-1749947791

http://www.themarysue.com/feminist-writer-hale-goetz-fat-pictures/

 

[The Lamp]

This is awful and why I will always refrain from sharing too much personal things to strangers on the Internet. The cyber bullying and vigilante culture is just pitiful and brutal. I feel so bad for her.

 

[NimbusD]

I mean, anyone who's looking at that meme and think's it's a particularly funny or smart joke isn't exactly someone who's opinions I'd care about. Good for her for taking it in stride. Person who made it is a Grade-A dick.

 

[eLGee]

Unbelievable. Person who made this is a moron.

 

[Acerac]

Fun read.

She dealt with the situation really well considering what she was presented with.

 

[Fat4all]

Good on her. I've been fat practically my whole life and while I was young I could of learned a thing or two from her.

 

[joe2187]

Jokes on you, all my pics are fat.

 

[crimzonflame]

I dont think I could be as strong as her if someone ever decided to put my pics up on the internet. I am very ugly and Im sure I would be an instant meme.

 

[Tagyhag]

Anyone else thought it was two different people? Her eyes and hair threw me off guard.

She took it very maturely. There's always going to be douchebags looking to pick a fight, and since they're behind their monitor they don't have to worry about any consequences without thinking about the feelings of a completely innocent person.

 

[j0hnnix]

She was cute in 2009..... Shes smart in 2015

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

You have to have a sad life if you are concered about how a classmate turned out. Get a life brah.

 

[Infinite]

She was cute in 2009..... Shes smart in 2015

What a pointless post.

 

[Stealthy Giant]

She was cute in 2009..... Shes smart in 2015

What does this mean?

 

[Risible]

What kind of an unholy douchebag do you have to be to take the time to find your yearbook 7 years later, make the before and after pic, and then post it to Reddit? I mean, the cockbag levels are off the fucking chart.

 

[Deleted member 325805]

I can tell you, I get treated much better after losing 90lbs. Being obese is not fun for a million reasons, and this is one of them.

 

[thelastcrusader]

What a pointless post.

Less pointless than yours.
Ultimately whatever makes her and her husband happy is what matters but clearly it served as a wake up call of some kind to her since she says she's lost 30lbs since. Sometimes it's painful if someone reminds me I'm gaining weight but I end up eating healthier and exercising as a consequence so it works out, obviously becoming a meme is an extreme though.

 

[Memory]

Jokes on you, all my pics are fat.

10/10 lol

 

[Sou Da]

What kind of an unholy douchebag do you have to be to take the time to find your yearbook 7 years later, make the before and after pic, and then post it to Reddit? I mean, the cockbag levels are off the fucking chart.

Yeah, reading that the yearbook photo had to be taken with a cell phone really through me for a loop. Why bother?

 

[makingmusic476]

Whoever tracked that down is creepy as fuck.

 

[Infinite]

Less pointless than yours.
Ultimately whatever makes her and her husband happy is what matters but clearly it served as a wake up call of some kind to her since she says she's lost 30lbs since. Sometimes it's painful if someone reminds me I'm gaining weight but I end up eating healthier and exercising as a consequence so it works out, obviously becoming a meme is an extreme though.

You call this a "wake up call" ? Have you no perspective?

 

[Azuran]

What kind of an unholy douchebag do you have to be to take the time to find your yearbook 7 years later, make the before and after pic, and then post it to Reddit? I mean, the cockbag levels are off the fucking chart.

Gotta get that karma no matter what.

 

[Dog Problems]

You have to have a sad life if you are concered about how a classmate turned out. Get a life brah.

What kind of an unholy douchebag do you have to be to take the time to find your yearbook 7 years later, make the before and after pic, and then post it to Reddit? I mean, the cockbag levels are off the fucking chart.

Seriously. I actually feel bad for the person that's so spiteful that they would feel compelled to do that. Existence for them must be so miserable.

 

[Neuromancer]

Less pointless than yours.
Ultimately whatever makes her and her husband happy is what matters but clearly it served as a wake up call of some kind to her since she says she's lost 30lbs since. Sometimes it's painful if someone reminds me I'm gaining weight but I end up eating healthier and exercising as a consequence so it works out, obviously becoming a meme is an extreme though.

Somehow I feel like you've missed her entire point here.

 

[AlimNassor]

She's gorgeous now, and I wish I had 1/10 the courage she has. Fat shaming is fucking pathetic. We get it were fat. We don't need Asshokes pointing it out as an insult. Im fat so fucking what why does that matter?

 

[thelastcrusader]

You call this a "wake up call" ? Have you no perspective?

It can be. I don't know about you but when I've gotten 30lbs over weight and go for a checkup my doctor will tell me I'm at a unhealthy weight and need to diet and exercise. I've ignored it in the past and have gotten high cholesterol and ignored that too but then had a buddy crack a joke at my expense and boom ran to go lose weight. It's a wake up call for your own well being, don't be so dense. Weight gain can easily be a slippery slope to dangerous levels of obesity.

 

[GavinGT]

But that's not funny.

 

[User 479360]

Poor lady. She doesn't deserve this.

She's still cute.

 

[marzlapin]

Less pointless than yours.
Ultimately whatever makes her and her husband happy is what matters but clearly it served as a wake up call of some kind to her since she says she's lost 30lbs since. Sometimes it's painful if someone reminds me I'm gaining weight but I end up eating healthier and exercising as a consequence so it works out, obviously becoming a meme is an extreme though.

No, she said she's lost 30 lbs since the picture was taken, not since her picture went viral. This wasn't a wakeup call and it did nothing positive for her.

 

[Seesaw15]

What kind of an unholy douchebag do you have to be to take the time to find your yearbook 7 years later, make the before and after pic, and then post it to Reddit? I mean, the cockbag levels are off the fucking chart.

It was actually 9 years later which makes it even more pathetic.

It’s labeled “2009,” but it was actually taken in 2007. I had just turned 16 and was entering my junior year.

 

[RDreamer]

The odd thing is that I post plenty of fodder for Reddit ridicule, a lot of ideas these same commenters must find hilarious. I run a blog with a friend of mine, and we write about women in media as creators and characters. I wrote about Gamergate, about sexism in Doctor Who, about Fake Geek Girls. They could link to any of these pieces and highlight the hilarious nonsense parts where I talk about equal rights or whatever, but none of the pages link to or quote anything I’ve written. It’s just my fat face over and over again, the views overshadowing my blog hits by hundreds of thousands of views.

Yeah, she's spot on here. When internet idiots have nothing left but to console themselves over your looks instead of the actual issues, then I think you've won the real argument.

 

[Nickle]

She just needs to learn how to handle criticism, women and men both get harassed online. I'm a white male, and when I play Counter Strike my teammates always say hurtful things like "stop shooting me you idiot " or "you need to plant the bomb right now" or "stop playing music over the microphone". She got harassed by a couple dozen people, and so did I. So as far as I'm concerned, white male privilege is a myth.
#Gamergate #AllLivesMatter #MRA

 

[Dishwalla]

just makes me wonder if someone is laughing at my old yearbook photos somewhere on the internet that I don't know about.

 

[thelastcrusader]

She just needs to learn how to handle criticism, women and men both get harassed online. I'm a white male, and when I play Counter Strike my teammates always say hurtful things like "stop shooting me you idiot " or "you need to plant the bomb right now" or "stop playing music over the microphone". She got harassed by a couple dozen people, and so did I. So as far as I'm concerned, white male privilege is a myth.
#Gamergate #AllLivesMatter #MRA

And here I was thinking Infinite was a troll!

Honestly like OP said, she took it in stride. Don't feel bad for her since she held up like a champ but whoever posted the pic can eat a dick.

 

[Infinite]

It can be. I don't know about you but when I've gotten 30lbs over weight and go for a checkup my doctor will tell me I'm at a unhealthy weight and need to diet and exercise. I've ignored it in the past and have gotten high cholesterol and ignored that too but then had a buddy crack a joke at my expense and boom ran to go lose weight. It's a wake up call for your own well being, don't be so dense. Weight gain can easily be a slippery slope to dangerous levels of obesity.

You done went and missed the whole entire point.

And here I was thinking Infinite was a troll!

Honestly like OP said, she took it in stride. Don't feel bad for her since she held up like a champ but whoever posted the pic can eat a dick.

Im trolling? Well alright

 

[thelastcrusader]

You done went and missed the whole entire point.

You going to contribute anything besides picking on other people's posts or just continue being useless? I obviously get the point but I'm saying it could be worse and she handled it well.

 

[TheOohChild]

She seems like a really cool girl

 

[TimmiT]

It can be. I don't know about you but when I've gotten 30lbs over weight and go for a checkup my doctor will tell me I'm at a unhealthy weight and need to diet and exercise. I've ignored it in the past and have gotten high cholesterol and ignored that too but then had a buddy crack a joke at my expense and boom ran to go lose weight. It's a wake up call for your own well being, don't be so dense. Weight gain can easily be a slippery slope to dangerous levels of obesity.

What if instead of one friend doing that, thousands of people online did and continued to do that even after you've lost weight?

 

[demon]

Having hundreds of thousands of people on the internet shame you for your looks through youtube-comment-quality posts must be really tough to deal with. She handled it commendably.

 

[Nosgotham]

I keep my license picture as my old fat self just to show people. A reminder of when I was at my Lowest

 

[anaron]

Awful.

can't wait til someone here posts "this should thinspiring!"

 

[Infinite]

You going to contribute anything besides picking on other people's posts or just continue being useless? I obviously get the point but I'm saying it could be worse and she handled it well.

You actually came into this thread defending a posts that basically called her ugly in light of her getting bullied online which is what this thread is about. You then go on to talk about her needing a wake up call and this being as you misinterpret key facts and posts an irrelevant life story of yours. This thread isn't about how much weight she lost or if people think she's attractive; it's about the fact that people tried to shame her using those things because they didn't like something poignant that she said in regards to feminism.

 

[The One and Done™]

It's so easy to judge someone by their appearance. It all goes back to humanity's infatuation with finding part of themselves in other people. Leads to endless judgement

 

[OpinionatedCyborg]

I had seen that image and assumed someone just took photos of two different people, claimed the one on the right was a tumblr feminist blogger, and then posted it for e-kudos or whatever it is kids collect online nowadays. I had no clue there was more to the story than that.

 

[thelastcrusader]

You actually came into this thread defending a posts that basically called her ugly in light of her getting bullied online which is what this thread is about. You then go on to talk about her needing a wake up call and this being as you misinterpret key facts and posts an irrelevant life story of yours. This thread isn't about how much weight she lost or if people think she's attractive; it's about the fact that people tried to shame her using those things because they didn't like something poignant that she said in regards to feminism.

Never defended that post simply said your post was more useless. Also it's called looking at the bright side. I never mentioned attractive, I mentioned health. Stop putting words in my mouth you troll.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

It can be. I don't know about you but when I've gotten 30lbs over weight and go for a checkup my doctor will tell me I'm at a unhealthy weight and need to diet and exercise. I've ignored it in the past and have gotten high cholesterol and ignored that too but then had a buddy crack a joke at my expense and boom ran to go lose weight. It's a wake up call for your own well being, don't be so dense. Weight gain can easily be a slippery slope to dangerous levels of obesity.

Your doctor giving you medical advice won't drive you to depression or some unhealthy body disorder, but getting shit from hundreds of thousands of people may. That's the point. And having a joke cracked at your expense would be a bit different if it was thousands of people posting pics of you on social media saying "0/10 what a pig"

 

[Future]

She's gorgeous now, and I wish I had 1/10 the courage she has. Fat shaming is fucking pathetic. We get it were fat. We don't need Asshokes pointing it out as an insult. Im fat so fucking what why does that matter?

Well honestly it's probably more to do with the feminism and gamer gate stuff. Lots of people are fat, but she's fat and got the attention of he Internet. And fat, skinny, whatever.... People will find things to talk shit about

 

[thelastcrusader]

Your doctor giving you medical advice won't drive you to depression or some unhealthy body disorder, but getting shit from hundreds of thousands of people may. That's the point. And having a joke cracked at your expense would be a bit different if it was thousands of people posting pics of you on social media saying "0/10 what a pig"

I agree. The situation sucks ass, not arguing that at all. But weight gain can in fact lead to depression and body disorders. I've been 40-50lbs overweight and yes it can cause all kinds of issues even impotence which can cause severe depression.

 

[Vex_]

I had seen that image and assumed someone just took photos of two different people, claimed the one on the right was a tumblr feminist blogger, and then posted it for e-kudos or whatever it is kids collect online nowadays. I had no clue there was more to the story than that.

You thought they were two different people?




Wow. Why?

 

[Griss]

Exactly the reason I hate having pictures taken of me, won't post them on Facebook or what have you, won't go on Tinder etc.

That said I was never good looking and never not fat. If I had let myself go like the woman in the OP I have to imagine I would be pretty upset about it. That said her attitude towards the whole thing is astonishingly level headed and brave, and for that she deserves massive respect.

If she's happy, she's happy, and she's damn right not to let anyone interfere with that.

You thought they were two different people?

Wow. Why?

Joke post? They look literally nothing alike. I assumed they were different people too.

 

[...Scatter...]

Unfortunate. She was subjectively more attractive back then in my eyes, but that doesn't mean that its nice to shame someone about their weight gain. And to insinuate feminist views are the cause is just stupid on many levels.