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[pauljeremiah]

I remember when I was working in Dell (about 8 years ago) and the conversation on a Monday morning would be mostly about what happened to you over the weekend.

The follow story was told (not by me) & I'll try to use the same words he used" For those from Ireland read the following story in a think Cork accent. like this.


---------
"I was in The Icon (a Limerick night club) and I met this awesome girl, she had massive fuck me boots on and a leather dress. I think she was one of those Goth chicks, like you see in America. She was all black except her skin.

We were dancing on the dance floor and I started to dry hump her. She licked the tip of my nose and asked me if I wanted to go her place for some fun? I was like 'Fuck yeah'

So she lived about five minutes away from the The Icon. We went into her apartment and then into one of the bedrooms. It was a bare bead with some plastic tightly wrapped around it. Which I thought was weird. She asked if I was into 'kinky shit' and I was like, yeah of course, who isn't? I told her I could give her 'the shocker' and she asked 'what's that?' and I told her it was 'one in the pink and one in the stink'

We stripped naked and I lay on the bed and she started to go down on me, and I had my legs resting on her shoulders. She was fuckin' amazing, a mighty sucker. She told me to tell her when I was coming, I thought because she doesn't like the taste or something normal like that.

When I was on the verge of cumming I tapped her on the side of her shoulder to tell her. She lifted her head up and smiled, then reached under the bed and wiped out a dildo and shoved it up my arse as I was cumming. She then wiped it out and I just shitted all over the bed, she then jumped on top of me and she then started to smear the shit all over her body.

I pushed her off me and ran out of the flat naked on to the street. The Gardaí (Irish police) found me about five minutes later walking down Crusies Street naked. I told them I was on a stag night out and my friends did this to me and left me, they took me home in the squad car."

------
Now I know what you're thinking this is bullshit, and when I heard this first I thought so too, but about two weeks later a few lads when out on the town with him and he had another crazy sex story which they verified.

 

[RumblingRosco]

I'm probably gonna go down for this, but by mayo, do you mean another guys spunk? :lol

Yeah you are!

 

[Man]

some of the ways you guys describe smell is hilarious and how tuna/fish is always involved in the rotting smell has me rolling.

"sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish store"

 

[Esch]

Whats with all these stories and stank pussy?

I know you'd like to think your puss don't stank
But lean a little bit closer
See them curtains really smell like poo-poo-oo
Yeah, curtains really smell like poo-poo-oo

 

[Riggs]

I remember when I was working in Dell (about 8 years ago) and the conversation on a Monday morning would be mostly about what happened to you over the weekend.

The follow story was told (not by me) & I'll try to use the same words he used" For those from Ireland read the following story in a think Cork accent. like this.


---------
"I was in The Icon (a Limerick night club) and I met this awesome girl, she had massive fuck me boots on and a leather dress. I think she was one of those Goth chicks, like you see in America. She was all black except her skin.

We were dancing on the dance floor and I started to dry hump her. She licked the tip of my nose and asked me if I wanted to go her place for some fun? I was like 'Fuck yeah'

So she lived about five minutes away from the The Icon. We went into her apartment and then into one of the bedrooms. It was a bare bead with some plastic tightly wrapped around it. Which I thought was weird. She asked if I was into 'kinky shit' and I was like, yeah of course, who isn't? I told her I could give her 'the shocker' and she asked 'what's that?' and I told her it was 'one in the pink and one in the stink'

We stripped naked and I lay on the bed and she started to go down on me, and I had my legs resting on her shoulders. She was fuckin' amazing, a mighty sucker. She told me to tell her when I was coming, I thought because she doesn't like the taste or something normal like that.

When I was on the verge of cumming I tapped her on the side of her shoulder to tell her. She lifted her head up and smiled, then reached under the bed and wiped out a dildo and shoved it up my arse as I was cumming. She then wiped it out and I just shitted all over the bed, she then jumped on top of me and she then started to smear the shit all over her body.

I pushed her off me and ran out of the flat naked on to the street. The Gardaí (Irish police) found me about five minutes later walking down Crusies Street naked. I told them I was on a stag night out and my friends did this to me and left me, they took me home in the squad car."

------
Now I know what you're thinking this is bullshit, and when I heard this first I thought so too, but about two weeks later a few lads when out on the town with him and he had another crazy sex story which they verified.

lol ....
I read it in chibbs voice from sons of anarchy.

 

[Featheredkitten]

Worse time was probably my first time, but only because it took so long to actually be the first time. I knew it would hurt, but he must have had a complex or something but every time we got down to business and i'd say "ow" he'd go limp. This continued for two months, i kid you not. Finally i just grit my teeth hopped on top and got the deed done. I remember thinking afterwards, "There, now we can have sex like normal people."

 

[Snowman Prophet of Doom]

Whiskey dick saved me from full-blown drunken sex with a way-overweight, field hockey player-looking juggalette.

But some tastes stay with you, my friends.

 

[tkscz]

way-overweight

Fuck yeah!

field hockey player-looking juggalette

Fuck No!

 

[Funky Papa]

Somebody has a chubster fetish.

 

[noah111]

whiskey dick when i was going to fuck a good friend (female duh) of mine who i'd known forever and had wanted to fuck forever while my wife was in the other room.

sucked ass. maybe i'll get another chance some other time.

smh

 

[Vicetrailia]

Came here to post a stank cat story, nevermind.

 

[Link]

I met this tall, cute blonde while at a bar watching my buddy play a gig. Turns out she lived around the corner, so one thing lead to another and we ended up at her place. Made our way to the bedroom, where it was pitch black.

She goes down on me for a while, and then I return the favor, and she's really into it. She's pushing my face into her and telling me to keep going. Finally, she grabs a condom, and we proceed to have some pretty damn good sex, both cowgirl and doggy style.

A while after things wind down, I make my way to the bathroom, turn on the light, and notice my two-day stubble is stained red. I realize the situation and I call out to her, "Hey, you know you're bleeding?" She very casually replies, "Oh yeah, I'm on my period." I come back into the bedroom, and there's a huge blood stain on her bed sheets. I look inside my boxers, and sure enough, blood all over.

I was horrified. I didn't even know what to say or think. I ended up staying there for the night because I was still wasn't sober enough to get home, so I just laid there staring at the ceiling all night. (Yes, she changed the sheets.)

This was a few years ago and it still haunts me...

 

[tkscz]

Somebody has a chubster preference.

fix'd

Came here to post a stank cat story, nevermind.

Go ahead and tell it. The best stories aren't original, but are told well.

I met this tall, cute blonde while at a bar watching my buddy play a gig. Turns out she lived around the corner, so one thing lead to another and we ended up at her place. Made our way to the bedroom, where it was pitch black.

She goes down on me for a while, and then I return the favor, and she's really into it. She's pushing my face into her and telling me to keep going. Finally, she grabs a condom, and we proceed to have some pretty damn good sex, both cowgirl and doggy style.

A while after things wind down, I make my way to the bathroom, turn on the light, and notice my two-day stubble is stained red. I realize the situation and I call out to her, "Hey, you know you're bleeding?" She very casually replies, Oh yeah, I'm on my period." I come back into the bedroom, and there's a huge blood stain on her bed sheets. I look inside my boxers, and sure enough, blood all over.

I was horrified. I didn't even know what to say or think. I ended up staying there for the night because I was still wasn't sober enough to get home, so I just laid there staring at the ceiling all night. (Yes, she changed the sheets.)

This was a few years ago and it still haunts me...

I can complain about a black girl cumming in my mouth and nearly drowning me and yet it still wouldn't compare to the horrific event you went through. My condolences.

 

[Baron Doggystyle von Woof]

I met this tall, cute blonde while at a bar watching my buddy play a gig. Turns out she lived around the corner, so one thing lead to another and we ended up at her place. Made our way to the bedroom, where it was pitch black.

She goes down on me for a while, and then I return the favor, and she's really into it. She's pushing my face into her and telling me to keep going. Finally, she grabs a condom, and we proceed to have some pretty damn good sex, both cowgirl and doggy style.

A while after things wind down, I make my way to the bathroom, turn on the light, and notice my two-day stubble is stained red. I realize the situation and I call out to her, "Hey, you know you're bleeding?" She very casually replies, Oh yeah, I'm on my period." I come back into the bedroom, and there's a huge blood stain on her bed sheets. I look inside my boxers, and sure enough, blood all over.

I was horrified. I didn't even know what to say or think. I ended up staying there for the night because I was still wasn't sober enough to get home, so I just laid there staring at the ceiling all night. (Yes, she changed the sheets.)

This was a few years ago and it still haunts me...

holy shit!

 

[FindMyFarms]

Sex while high is both the best/worst for me. Best because it just feels so amazing. The combination of physical pleasure plus mental looseness is pretty amazing. The whole time going slow thing helps out a lot too.

Worst because it also tends to be the laziest sex out there, to the point where sometimes both people are kind of just...laying there on top of each other, doing nothing, maybe giggling, and then abruptly stop in the middle of it due to the munchies kicking in. Nothing like asking a girl if she wants to grab some chicken while she's riding you cowgirl lol.

 

[Willkiller]

whiskey dick when i was going to fuck a good friend (female duh) of mine who i'd known forever and had wanted to fuck forever while my wife was in the other room.

sucked ass. maybe i'll get another chance some other time.

Classy

 

[Always-honest]

I met this tall, cute blonde while at a bar watching my buddy play a gig. Turns out she lived around the corner, so one thing lead to another and we ended up at her place. Made our way to the bedroom, where it was pitch black.

She goes down on me for a while, and then I return the favor, and she's really into it. She's pushing my face into her and telling me to keep going. Finally, she grabs a condom, and we proceed to have some pretty damn good sex, both cowgirl and doggy style.

A while after things wind down, I make my way to the bathroom, turn on the light, and notice my two-day stubble is stained red. I realize the situation and I call out to her, "Hey, you know you're bleeding?" She very casually replies, Oh yeah, I'm on my period." I come back into the bedroom, and there's a huge blood stain on her bed sheets. I look inside my boxers, and sure enough, blood all over.

I was horrified. I didn't even know what to say or think. I ended up staying there for the night because I was still wasn't sober enough to get home, so I just laid there staring at the ceiling all night. (Yes, she changed the sheets.)

This was a few years ago and it still haunts me...

Oh right.. this once happened to me too, but my girlfriend didn't know at the time. I was still living with my parents and my mom even asked what the hell happened and why the cheets were covered in blood...

I still don't like doing it during a period. Gross. (the sex was great though..)

 

[Omegasquash]

I met this tall, cute blonde while at a bar watching my buddy play a gig. Turns out she lived around the corner, so one thing lead to another and we ended up at her place. Made our way to the bedroom, where it was pitch black.

She goes down on me for a while, and then I return the favor, and she's really into it. She's pushing my face into her and telling me to keep going. Finally, she grabs a condom, and we proceed to have some pretty damn good sex, both cowgirl and doggy style.

A while after things wind down, I make my way to the bathroom, turn on the light, and notice my two-day stubble is stained red. I realize the situation and I call out to her, "Hey, you know you're bleeding?" She very casually replies, "Oh yeah, I'm on my period." I come back into the bedroom, and there's a huge blood stain on her bed sheets. I look inside my boxers, and sure enough, blood all over.

I was horrified. I didn't even know what to say or think. I ended up staying there for the night because I was still wasn't sober enough to get home, so I just laid there staring at the ceiling all night. (Yes, she changed the sheets.)

This was a few years ago and it still haunts me...

I...oh god.

 

[AllenShrz]

Extremely hot girl, quite out of reach of you mortals (Im talking davalos twins hot here), after some time of dating and she being extremely provocative one day we did it..... she was a table, totally disappointing and she realized that.

She tiered later to "learn" but couldn't.

I have the hypotheses that given that she was so hot that she didn't have to make any effort in bed with most of the guys given that they would just be glad to be with her.

We tired several times but didnt work....... and of course she was crazy and I could not take more of her.

 

[Riggs]

Maybe him and his wife have an open relationship...... Probably not.

 

[noah111]

I met this tall, cute blonde while at a bar watching my buddy play a gig. Turns out she lived around the corner, so one thing lead to another and we ended up at her place. Made our way to the bedroom, where it was pitch black.

She goes down on me for a while, and then I return the favor, and she's really into it. She's pushing my face into her and telling me to keep going. Finally, she grabs a condom, and we proceed to have some pretty damn good sex, both cowgirl and doggy style.

A while after things wind down, I make my way to the bathroom, turn on the light, and notice my two-day stubble is stained red. I realize the situation and I call out to her, "Hey, you know you're bleeding?" She very casually replies, "Oh yeah, I'm on my period." I come back into the bedroom, and there's a huge blood stain on her bed sheets. I look inside my boxers, and sure enough, blood all over.

I was horrified. I didn't even know what to say or think. I ended up staying there for the night because I was still wasn't sober enough to get home, so I just laid there staring at the ceiling all night. (Yes, she changed the sheets.)

This was a few years ago and it still haunts me...

At least she did you a common courtesy by keeping the lights off. Anyone remember that story a while ago about the guy and his gf home alone? Holy shit I lost it when he was describing the blood sloshing sounds. :lol

 

[Link]

Oh right.. this once happened to me too, but my girlfriend didn't know at the time. I was still living with my parents and my mom even asked what the hell happened and why the cheets were covered in blood...

I still don't like doing it during a period. Gross. (the sex was great though..)

At least she did you a common courtesy by keeping the lights off. Anyone remember that story a while ago about the guy and his gf home alone? Holy shit I lost it when he was describing the blood sloshing sounds. :lol

That's what made it so much worse. She knew! And she let me... she let me... *weeps*

 

[Omegasquash]

Worst sex had to be my a few exes back. She was not...this bitch didn't smell good, was bony thin and didn't know how to get a man off. So I guess it wasn't a good single time, it was a series of unfortunate events.

And she was my first. Well, the first that I remember, but that's another story.

 

[Nekofrog]

Maybe him and his wife have an open relationship...... Probably not.

we do. there was an open relationship thread a while back where it was discussed.

that said, my wife was mad that i didn't invite her, but goddammit i had been lusting over this girl for over a decade and i was going to hit it solo. too bad my dick said "nah man".

 

[Riggs]

we do. there was an open relationship thread a while back where it was discussed.

that said, my wife was mad that i didn't invite her, but goddammit i had been lusting over this girl for over a decade and i was going to hit it solo. too bad my dick said "nah man".

Nice I figured. Good job jumping down his throat guys. You animals!

Also omega edit.dat shit!

 

[noah111]

That's what made it so much worse. She knew! And she let me... she let me... *weeps*

Ok i found the story (maybe it'll make you feel better); http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?p=39771985#post39771985

"I have had sex with women on their period before. I never made a habit out of it, but the experience is known to me. Anyway, I had just started dating this girl and we had already had sex a couple of times. This is like, the first week of dating. She comes over and is kind of not into it that night, which was a complete 180 from the previous couple of encounters. Anyway, I find out she "can't have sex because she is on her period". I'm like "Oh, that's no big deal to me as long as you're ok with it". She hesitated at first but "As long as you're ok with it, I'm willing to try". We make out, light foreplay, start fucking. She gets on top of me and, I swear to Christ, she was hemorrhaging like a stuck pig. I could hear wet sloshing as she bounced up and down. I could feel the blood all over me. To this day, I have never seen so much blood in one spot in my life. She kept going, seemingly oblivious to it. Blood pooled up in my belly button and I could feel the thick warmth running down my flanks onto the hallway carpet (we were fucking on the floor in the hallway). She came. I faked it. She was all sweaty and wore out when finished but she stayed on top of me. Of course, I hadn't cum for real so was still rock hard. She was all giggly and sat there for a minute on my cock post coitus. I was thinking "Seriously, just get off me already, you're still bleeding". When she did, sure enough, more blood. She just walked to the bathroom and jumped in the shower. I could barely even look at myself. The blood had dried in spots because we had been doing it awhile. It smelled like a charnel house. My pubic hair was all matted and dried to my body, but still wet all over. It looked like I had just been murdered.

We showered. I never mentioned it again. Clean up was a bitch. My carpet was stained (in reality only a couple of drops, I thought it was going to be about as much as the Great Lakes) and I found bloody fingerprints all over my apartment for the next week or so from when I had tried to clean up before joining her in the shower."

Spoiler

I still laughed so hard reading this all over again

 

[Enco]

whiskey dick when i was going to fuck a good friend (female duh) of mine who i'd known forever and had wanted to fuck forever while my wife was in the other room.

sucked ass. maybe i'll get another chance some other time.

Wow...

Last one happened with a co-worker who was a "good" girl who only slept with men she was dating. In a moment of ethical weakness I decided to try and get her to sleep with me despite the fact I wasn't really attracted to her. She wasn't ugly by any means, but not my type personality or lookwise at all. After the 2nd night of hanging out I had succeeded and we began doing the deed. I realized mid thrust that age had added an annoying conscious to my inner thoughts. It began berating me for getting a girl I had zero interest in to sleep with me purely because I wanted a challenge. I lost any will to continue and just pretended I came, rolled over, got my clothes and left. I tried to be friendly with her after that but every time she asked me to come over I avoided it until I'm sure she realized I had just wanted to sleep with her once and had no interest in her anymore. 5 years ago, or even 3, that wouldn't have bugged me at all. I wouldn't have given two shits how she felt. But now a days it really bugs me that I probably hurt her feelings quite a bit even though this happened quite a long time ago.

Not sure if you're being sarcastic here. You find it odd that people try not to cheat?

 

[Riggs]

It's murdahhhh. Never trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. My mom always told me that.
Enco read his other post before you judge.

 

[pauljeremiah]

lol ....
I read it in chibbs voice from sons of anarchy.

HAHAHAHA

 

[AdventureRacing]

Not sure if you're being sarcastic here. You find it odd that people try not to cheat?

It's possible to have sex with someone your not in a relationship with, without it being cheating.

 

[Link]

Ok i found the story (maybe it'll make you feel better); http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthr... I think I'd have to get a new bed if it did.

 

[CommonSense]

I spent an entire school year chasing a super duper hot Spanish girl in college. I mean I had to pull out every trick in the bag...you know them:

No I do not like to drink
No I do not like to hang out with my friends and drink
No I do not want to drink before the football game
No I do not enjoy having a drink while I am at a party

etc

I mean I put in WORK......Finally the day happens, everything aligned and the God's showed love to me. She calls me and says "my roomates are gone for the weekend, want to have a slumber party?"

Oh fuck yes I do.....

So I get there and she has picked out 4 crappy movies and equally crappy food...ok bad start.....Let me just go get a beer......d'oh........fruit juice? WTF? Are we 21 or 16?

I tolerate an entire weekend of immensely boring conversation about politics and school shit and manage to avoid 3 awesome parties that I distinctly remember because all I ever heard about was how it was like 3-1 girls to guys and crazy epic legendary shit went down (in one of them some people managed to destroy a 200 foot long chain link fence.....with a lawnmower....d'oh)


Anyway, finally we get to the point where I know I am getting laid and......yup.....she lays there better than any corpse in any movie I have ever seen while trying to TALK ABOUT SCHOOLWORK while I am getting my dinky do on......

To top it off after 5 minutes she says "you're too thick you're hurting me, let's stop"

I found a reason to leave, can't remember why, and never spoke to her again. Truthfully I wasn't even mad we stopped. I was glad to GTFO of that shit.

 

[Enco]

It's possible to have sex with someone your not in a relationship with, without it being cheating.

If it's open but that's hardly the norm.

 

[gimz]

long story short, i had my old lady landlord walked in on me once.

 

[Dicer]

Man, a lotta guy visiting Limpsville up in here, I've never had bad "sex" per se, but I did get one horrible blowjob. This girls mouth was so damn dry, and she kept getting me with her teeth...it was just a terrible time.

 

[Link]

If it's open but that's hardly the norm.

I think he means when a person is single. Like when they don't want to have casual sex.

EDIT -

Man, a lotta guy visiting Limpsville up in here, I've never had bad "sex" per se, but I did get one horrible blowjob. This girls mouth was so damn dry, and she kept getting me with her teeth...it was just a terrible time.

Was it this girl?

 

[Majmun]

Definitely the stank vag.

The girl looked clean. But during penetration her vag send out the smell of decay and death.
It was definitely the worst experience for me.

But I continued having sex with her. She didn't stink the following times. But I didn't forget.

 

[CommonSense]

In high school I dated a sophomore girl for a few weeks and we had sex once in the auditorium stairwell while a Halo tourney was going on. Would have been at least by-the-books decent fucking except for the fact that she had the WORST smelling pussy I have ever smelt. Good lord, it was like she stuffed garbage up there if the trash can was out of reach. The next Monday I gave her the ol' "it's not you it's me" garbage and traded up for a girl my age whose snapper didn't remind me of a landfill.

 

[Riggs]

It's to the point in this thread where I think a lot of us should just invest in nose plugs. Like that dude from Rescue Me. He was banging this incredibly hot chick but every time they had sex she let out insanely bad smells. He finally just took his face mask from the fire house and fucked her with that on. Everyone wins!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBzlF4OW3D4

I think you just misread what he wrote. If 2 single people have sex that's not cheating but they're also not in a relationship. He was implying that this girl wouldn't have sex with someone unless they were already dating.



Yeah but your nose is a good defense to let you know whether or not you want to go down there. If you can't smell it who knows what you could end up tasting.

Yeah definitely I don't think I'd advice giving her oral. But as least with the mask you can still have regular sex and not want to throw up!

 

[Enco]

I think he means when a person is single. Like when they don't want to have casual sex.

EDIT -

Was it this girl?

Ah that would make a lot more sense.

 

[AdventureRacing]

If it's open but that's hardly the norm.

I think you just misread what he wrote. If 2 single people have sex that's not cheating but they're also not in a relationship. He was implying that this girl wouldn't have sex with someone unless they were already dating.

It's to the point in this thread where I think a lot of us should just invest in nose plugs. Like that dude from Rescue Me. He was banging this incredibly hot chick but every time they had sex she let out insanely bad smells. He finally just took his face mask from the fire house and fucked her with that on. Everyone wins!

Yeah but your nose is a good defense to let you know whether or not you want to go down there. If you can't smell it who knows what you could end up tasting.

 

[JB1981]

I met this tall, cute blonde while at a bar watching my buddy play a gig. Turns out she lived around the corner, so one thing lead to another and we ended up at her place. Made our way to the bedroom, where it was pitch black.

She goes down on me for a while, and then I return the favor, and she's really into it. She's pushing my face into her and telling me to keep going. Finally, she grabs a condom, and we proceed to have some pretty damn good sex, both cowgirl and doggy style.

A while after things wind down, I make my way to the bathroom, turn on the light, and notice my two-day stubble is stained red. I realize the situation and I call out to her, "Hey, you know you're bleeding?" She very casually replies, "Oh yeah, I'm on my period." I come back into the bedroom, and there's a huge blood stain on her bed sheets. I look inside my boxers, and sure enough, blood all over.

I was horrified. I didn't even know what to say or think. I ended up staying there for the night because I was still wasn't sober enough to get home, so I just laid there staring at the ceiling all night. (Yes, she changed the sheets.)

This was a few years ago and it still haunts me...

how could you not tell she was on her period when you went down on her?

 

[BFIB]

This girl I dated right out of HS.

We'd been going out for about 3 months or so, and she invites me over to watch some movies. Well, I always know "movies" equals "time to fool around!' so I'm game. I go over, we're starting to get hot and heavy, and I start the fun game of "lets see how far I can go." Before I know it, we're both in our birthday suits, I'm 5' tall laying down, and she's all over me.

Then I start to hear sounds from the next room over. Its clearly moaning, her parents were going at it. Like really going at it. But the thing is, its almost like she's more into it now that her parents are going at it. She starts moaning real loud, even though we hadn't even done anything yet. I try to get my mind focused, but then I hear her dad yell something, and she literally grabs my head and tries to force me to eat her out.

Her dad walks up to the door, and he's standing there for a good minute or so. I'm soft as can be now, she's fingering herself and trying to get my engines going again, and moaning like crazy. All the while, her dad continues to stand at the door. I shove her hand away, throw my clothes on, and go out the window.

 

[protonion]

Couch sex with a stripper in a club's semi private room. Some moron (to his defense it was extremely dark) stepped on my foot. I screamed and lost my erection from the pain. It went well after this though.

 

[Baron Doggystyle von Woof]

Definitely the stank vag.

The girl looked clean. But during penetration her vag send out the smell of decay and death.
It was definitely the worst experience for me.

But I continued having sex with her. She didn't stink the following times. But I didn't forget.

 

[Riggs]

This girl I dated right out of HS.

We'd been going out for about 3 months or so, and she invites me over to watch some movies. Well, I always know "movies" equals "time to fool around!' so I'm game. I go over, we're starting to get hot and heavy, and I start the fun game of "lets see how far I can go." Before I know it, we're both in our birthday suits, I'm 5' tall laying down, and she's all over me.

Then I start to hear sounds from the next room over. Its clearly moaning, her parents were going at it. Like really going at it. But the thing is, its almost like she's more into it now that her parents are going at it. She starts moaning real loud, even though we hadn't even done anything yet. I try to get my mind focused, but then I hear her dad yell something, and she literally grabs my head and tries to force me to eat her out.

Her dad walks up to the door, and he's standing there for a good minute or so. I'm soft as can be now, she's fingering herself and trying to get my engines going again, and moaning like crazy. All the while, her dad continues to stand at the door. I shove her hand away, throw my clothes on, and go out the window.

WTF

You should be banned. How can this story end like that? HOW?

I love you btw but c'mon dude I am hurting IRL now after reading that.

 

[Kuro Madoushi]

me and my girl started watching inception and she started trying to have sex with me half way through.

i dumped her the next day because she was distracting me and i need my full attention to appreciate the ~sophistication~ of a christopher nolan film.

You dumped her to pursue Zelda Williams ya liar!

 

[FindMyFarms]

Damn what's up with all the stank skanks you guys are running into?!

If a girl doesn't pass the belly button test I'm outta there.

 

[BFIB]

WTF

You should be banned. How can this story end like that? HOW?

I love you btw but c'mon dude I am hurting IRL now after reading that.

I didn't know what to think at the time. I just know I was creeped out. I ran into her and her mom a few months after that, and they're both asking why I quit coming around, why I quit calling, etc.

They knew why I left. I knew why I left. It was just incredibly awkward, probably the most awkward I'd ever been in my life.

 

[Yoshichan]

WTF

You should be banned. How can this story end like that? HOW?

I love you btw but c'mon dude I am hurting IRL now after reading that.

Dude, I would've done the same. What would've you done? Her dad was watching...