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[ZeroRay]

With a pawg I met at Buffalo Wild Wings; we had a few drinks and went to her dorm on campus. It started well enough, but after a few minutes I noticed that it felt like my legs were super wet. I figured she was just super into it, but the more things continued the wetter it got. I got a whiff of some odd smell at which point I knew something was wrong. I decided to switch positions and see what was happening. As I repositioned I turned her lamp on and realized my dick and thigh were covered in what seemed to be mayo. Once I saw it I smelt it; it was like being outside a room in which some raw fish had been on the table for awhile - not a direct smell, but something that would just hit your nostrils every few seconds.

She was a bit drunk, and when she saw my legs/dick she said "should I get some bread?" as if it was funny. Eventually she came to her senses and realized she was disgusting, and I could tell she wanted to apologize. I went to the bathroom, wiped that shit off with a hand towel, put the condom in my pocket (I didn't trust her), and left.

That's a disgusting tale and all but is it just me, or do a lot of your stories involve a Buffalo Wild Wings?

 

[Dmax3901]

Fuck you for taking me away from a test.

So I was talking with a girl online about 5 years ago, back when I was living in SoCal. She seemed of the shy type, but after about a couple of weeks, she really opened up, phone and skype sex every other night, all the stuff.

We decide to finally meet up because we could not take it anymore. She wanted some, I wanted it all, and it would be hot to meet somewhere in the middle (we lived a good 40ish miles apart) and just go. The day comes, and after having lunch and playing mini-golf, we get to the motel, I shell out $90, and we get into the room and immediately my shirt is flying, and we are making out.

Now, the first warning sign was that it was my clothes being shed. She wasn't a secret fatty, because I saw what was up over cam. But hell, she was pulling me and getting down so I paid it little attention. I get around to getting her on the bed, taking her shirt off, unbuckling her bra and giving her every bit of attention with my mouth. She's loving it, and after some time, starts to unbuckle her pants, but stops. I think to myself, "Ok, she wants me to do it" but when I reach, she pushes me away. Now, I'm harder than Thor's hammer and I want to go all out, so I push her hand away and begin to strip off the pants and tear off her panties.

BIG FUCKING MISTAKE.
The smell came all at once, and hit me harder and faster than a 12-gauge to the temple. From hard as a rock to a banana peel, and it took all the willpower to not heave. I looked at her, and she had this look that told me that this was a problem for other guys and was awaiting my reaction. With eyes watering and the gag reflexes doing the work of gods, I kissed her and began fingering...I did not want her to feel bad but my dick could not do that work. Then the worst thing happens. She pushes my head down in an effort to do the impossible...but again, I didn't want to make her feel bad. I spread her apart, breathing from my mouth, and mind you the smell gets worse. Imagine mildew, old urine and a slight whiff of ass. Then toss that into a can of tuna. It's not good. I lick, and my body said no, and I heave. She gasps, I say something along the lines of ITS NOT YOU IM SICK but as soon as I do I throw up in my mouth. She begins crying while struggling to put on her ripped panties, and I just feel like shit both physically and for the poor sap that has to take that next time. By the time I get out of the bathroom, she's gone, and we haven't really talked since.

tl;dr: If it smells, suggest to take a shower together or something, because damn.

This reads like 4chan copy pasta... that's how bad it is.

 

[Riggs]

I once dated a guy with klippel trenaunay webber syndrome, due to the syndrome he had to have his right leg and a testicle amputated as a baby. Also because of it, his remaining testicle was enlarged, about the size of a melon, covering his penis to the point that only an inch was exposed when erect. On top of that, due to the disease and he fact that he was extreme unhygienic, he smelled of blood all the time. That wasn't even what made the sex bad, he wasn't willing to give as much as he wanted to receive. Pretty much like fucking a sac of potatoes and even then, you can at least eat the potatoes afterwards.

And that's how I lost my virginity and 5 years of my life. The decisions you make relationship wise when you're still in high school...
Normally I'd sound like a total jerk for mentioning all of that, but he had the worst personality, the biggest jerk I've ever met, not to mention spineless. Let's just say that after we broke up (still very much friends) I was in a life or death situation, he was the only person I could get in contact with and he hung up because he didn't want to wake up his roommate by coming to get me.

Still very much friends, sounds like a great friend to keep.

 

[drugstore_cowboy]

A girl started crying while blowing me, said she felt guily as she had a boyfriend (I didn't know this at the time) but insisted on carrying on.

Most dissapointing was picking up a couple of Hungarian girls in a hotel bar, we went up to thier room and started fucking, they chatted amonst themselves the whole time and giggling which made me really self-conscious. I don't recall saying a word to them the whole time I was there. So awkward. I filmed it too but could never stand to see the thing again.

 

[Aguirre]

after indulging ourselves in mortal pleasures such as alcohol and weed, we set about doing something with our lust. so there was about 10 minutes of foreplay. then the sex began.

it was great and all, no complaints except he said "thanks sis" then planted a kiss on my forehead.

 

[maquiladora]

after indulging ourselves in mortal pleasures such as alcohol and weed, we set about doing something with our lust. so there was about 10 minutes of foreplay. then the sex began.

it was great and all, no complaints except he said "thanks sis" then planted a kiss on my forehead.

 

[Riggs]

I was going down on a girl, in the dark, lappin up dat sweet juice! All is well until my eager, flicking tongue latches onto something that wouldn't have been there if she had cleaned herself a bit better after using the toilet earlier that day.

It took all of my strength not to puke instantly as soon as I tasted that. Bailed out of the bed, burst down to her bathroom and started throwing her mouthwash into my mouth and all over my face like a madman. Ugh.

So what does a dingleberry even taste like, don't just reply "like shit" I need you to describe it pls.

I thought he was a nice man, he had set me upon a gorgeous white horse with a beautiful mane like that of silver smoke. Little did I know he was so barbaric, so manly. He had waited until sundown to take me and I did not know what to anticipate. At first he was gentle, but I was scared. He slowly pulled off the straps of my dress and tears dripped down my eyes. I was frightened and he was just so, so strong.

The second time was almost as harrowing as the first. His weight was unlike anything I had ever withstood in my life. Yet, pained turned to pleasure before I knew it. As he pressed with his force my mind had become euphoric and had wandered to greater things. I am the blood of dragons of House Targaryen, of the blood of old Valyria. These thoughts echoed with each thrust. I swelled with pride for the greatness of days to come.

The final time was different. I had learned from my servant how to take a man, to give man what they've never had. No longer the ways that a hound would take a bitch. In our tent he was mine, for me to have my way with, I did not pleasure him so much as he pleasured me. After all, if he desired the ways of Dothrak why would he have taken me? At nightfall he once again attempted to take me forcefully. I told him in the language of his people that I would gaze upon his masculinity. On that night I rode the stallion as if it was the ride to King's Landing and when I finished, I had laid upon him as if he were the Iron Throne.

Spoiler

i got bored

But you were only 13!!!

 

[Ruthless_Barbarian]

First girlfriend, didn't want to go all the way yet, so we decided to do oral. She wasn't shy but somewhat lazy, after 5 minutes of sucking she left me hanging and decided to use her hands instead. I didn't say anything but after what I reckon was a good 10 minutes, she gave up and asked me to use my own hands.

Apparently she thought some guys were unable to "do it". She was like, "baby I don't think you can cum".

:/

 

[subversus]

And that's how I lost my virginity and 5 years of my life. The decisions you make relationship wise when you're still in high school...

HORROR

 

[WordAssassin]

I've had sex with four different girls, two were girlfriends and two were little fling-type things. The shitty sex has always been with the fling girls.

GIRL ONE:
Did not expect to have sex with her, ever. She's staying the night at my parent's house with me, we're in my old bedroom. (I'm 27 now, this happened... maybe 3-4 years ago? I was in-between apartments and staying with them. Anyway.) So we're in bed talking or whatever and we start making out. Then things get heavier and there's some heavy petting going on. Suddenly she's on top of me telling me she wants me inside her.
Now, this causes me pause. I'm in my parent's house, and my bedroom is located in-between my mom's bedroom and my dad's bedroom. (Long story involving several back surgeries for my dad so they can't sleep together anymore ;_; ) Second problem: My bed frame had wheels on it and my bedroom had a hardwood floor. So I'm thinking, "If we have sex, the bed is going to roll around and it's going to make noise and someone is going to wake up and hear us." But I'm horny and she's horny so I ignore this and slide on the condom. Third problem: She tells me, "You need to ask me permission before you come." Uh, what? Immediate turn-off. Maybe now I'd be into that kind of thing, but back then, no. It's too late though and we're having sex.

Incredibly lackluster sex.

She's on top. Boring. I'm on top. Too noisy. We're on our sides. Too uncomfortable. We throw a blanket onto the floor and move down there to avoid the bed. The sex is just plain bad. She's trying to make it "hot" for me so she's over-acting and it's coming off as unnatural and fake and taking me out of it. I start to panic, how the hell am I going to get out of this sex without hurting her feelings?

I decide to fake an orgasm.

I mean it shouldn't be that hard, right? My 2nd girlfriend loved the feeling of me coming inside her because she could feel my dick tense up and get super hard when I came, so if I just pretend to come and flex my dick, no problem right?

But I have to ask for it.

We're in doggy-style position and I say, "I.. I think.. I'm getting close.. can I come?" (humiliating) She tells me yes I can, I do a couple harder thrusts, go rigid, and flex my dick as hard as I can. Pull out, yank the condom off and chuck it in the trash as fast as possible, and she completely falls for it. We clean up and get back into bed and she asks me to fucking rate her. She wants to know how she stacks up to the two other girls (at the time) I'd been with. I told her it's impossible to rate her because everyone is different and has different styles but sex with her was enjoyable and she did a good job? This satisfies her and we go to sleep.

BONUS: A day later she wanted to have sex again but I made up a story about not being over my ex yet, so she tried to give me a handjob instead. It was so bad I kept losing my wood. I told her I shot a blank to get her to stop. Once again she bought it. I am an amazing actor.

---
---
---

GIRL TWO:

This is the more ridiculous of the two stories because of how badly I fucked this one up for myself. This was slightly more recent, maybe a little over two years ago.

I was kind-of dating a coworker, this super hot latina girl. We'd made out a few times, I'd fingered her a few times, it was all awesome. One night we're out at a bar, she gets buzzed and asks me to take her back to my place. (Alarms go off, I HATE dealing with drunk girls and I have strict rules about this because of events like this one). So we go back to my place and start watching Back to the Future. We start making out. She gets SUPER horny, is asking me to bite her neck, her nipples, she's tearing off her clothes, taking off my shirt, unbuckling my belt. She's naked on my couch and asks me if I want to fuck her. My brain shouts "NO! NO you don't she's buzzed and you're sober you do not want to fuck her right now!" But you can't tell a hot, naked, horny girl no when she has your dick in her hands and asks if you want to fuck her right? Ugh. "Yes?" I respond, and she looks at me like, "Well what are you waiting for then?" I go, "I'll grab the condom?" and she tells me to hurry. I run into the bathroom, grab a condom, look at myself in the mirror like "This is a bad idea" and run back to the couch. I try to hop out of my shorts and I twist my ankle. I clumsily fall onto the couch and get the condom on, she pulls me into her. I thrust a few times before I realize, my couch is HORRIBLE for sex! It is way too soft, it's not long enough, we are sinking into the cushions, I can't get any kind of leverage to properly thrust. I pause and ask if we can move to my bed. We do so and I realize my goddamn windows are open, meaning everyone else in the apartment complex will be able to hear us, but I have no time to close them. We get back into it. I'm inside her again, start to thrust, and she hits her head on the goddamn wall. I offer her a pillow, panicing, because that's the shared wall with my neighbor. At this point, I am properly stressed out. My foot hurts. The windows are open. She's hitting her head on the wall. She's not really making out with me or doing anything to keep me into it, expecting just the sex to be enough.

So my boner dies.

I pause. I try to make it go back up, but it's asleep for the night. I look at her and say, "Uh... I... my... I lost my.. I mean, I didn't come too quick, I just, it.. went away..?" and she looks at me like, "Are you fucking serious?" She gets up and goes into the bathroom to clean up. I flip out, I've had issues coming before with girlfriends but, they were girlfriends, they're understanding about it. I'd never lost my goddamn boner before, and with someone I was barely casually dating. She comes out of the bathroom, gets dressed, I try to apologize, and she leaves.

Fucking terrible.

We still talked and hung out after that, I was super insecure about it but when it finally came up (lolz) a week or so later she said it wasn't a big deal. I even still fingered her a couple times after but we never got to the sex level again. She moved away and when she visits she'll get drunk with friends and chew on my ear and tell me how horny she is for me but her friends always "protect" her from me and I've never gotten a chance to make it up to her.

 

[ScreenSplitter]

First girlfriend, didn't want to go all the way yet, so we decided to do oral. She wasn't shy but somewhat lazy, after 5 minutes of sucking she left me hanging and decided to use her hands instead. I didn't say anything but after what I reckon was a good 10 minutes, she gave up and asked me to use my own hands.

Apparently she thought some guys were unable to "do it". She was like, "baby I don't think you can cum".

:/

Hahaha I know so many girls that are worried that their boyfriend has some medical condition. I don't have the heart to tell them...

 

[Synth_floyd]

BONUS: A day later she wanted to have sex again but I made up a story about not being over my ex yet, so she tried to give me a handjob instead. It was so bad I kept losing my wood. I told her I shot a blank to get her to stop. Once again she bought it. I am an amazing actor.

You gotta be a hell of an actor to fake an orgasm without a condom and in plain sight.

 

[Riggs]

You gotta be a hell of an actor to fake an orgasm without a condom and in plain sight.

Wordassassin is a regular Robert Downey Jr.

 

[WordAssassin]

You gotta be a hell of an actor to fake an orgasm without a condom and in plain sight.

I tensed up, arched my back, grabbed the sheets. I winced, gritted my teeth, groaned. The who deal. Then I relaxed back down, but she was still hammering on my dick, so I said, "Ah! Ah! Stop! It's hypersensitive!" She looks at me, bewildered. "I came." I tell her. "But, nothing came out?" She responds. "I must've just shot a blank then." I assure her. "It happens from time to time."

Hook, line and sinker.

 

[Natetan]

wow, i never knew vagina could smell so bad.

ive had some bad blow jobs, some guys are just like nosh nosh with their teeth, you would think they would know better.

one random story i have, i was living out in the boonies working for a local city. this guy who i met online asked me to join him for a little bit of vacation. i only had something plutonic in mind, and we traveled for the first day. i had to had back really early the next morning to be part of the town festival. there was this really hot guy at the festival, and after we finished i just started getting all drunk and flirty with him, and he was drunk so we sort of touch a bare minumum. I was of course revved up like an engine and totally drunk too.

well the guy traveling was staying at my place, and i would have had sex with really anything at that point. i cant remember what we did, but then i ended up throwing up aaaaall over the apartment, and the guy was gracious enough to clean up after me. Ha.

 

[Friggz]

In high school I dated a sophomore girl for a few weeks and we had sex once in the auditorium stairwell while a Halo tourney was going on. Would have been at least by-the-books decent fucking except for the fact that she had the WORST smelling pussy I have ever smelt. Good lord, it was like she stuffed garbage up there if the trash can was out of reach. The next Monday I gave her the ol' "it's not you it's me" garbage and traded up for a girl my age whose snapper didn't remind me of a landfill.

my ex gf was convinced I was gay (she even told her friends) because i wouldn't go down on her. I didnt have it in me to tell her that her vagina smelled like a gym sock that was used to wipe away swamp ass, becuase im the "nice guy". I eventually left her and got married, but your story made me laugh.

 

[Yager]

There was this girl which I dated a couple of times. We went for a couple of drinks, had dinner together, watch a couple of movies. We had fun. Everything was ok until the day we slept together. The girl did NOTHING, and when I say nothing it means exactly that: she didn't even move, even when she was on top; she didn't use her mouth or make an attempt to grab my ****. She didn't even speak besides mouning like a sheep. It was the worst experiencie I had. The worst part was that after maybe 20 minutes of me doing all the work, she told me if we could take a break because she was tired. TIRED OF WHAT?!!?!?!??!!?!

After that, I told her 'no problem', went to the bathroom and finished by myself. Then I went back to bed and told her 'good night'. I saw her again a couple of times, and she tried to get laid with me again. No miss, sorry, I'd rather masturbate.

 

[Plywood]

But you were only 13!!!

shit was so cash

 

[Starsunder]

it was a summer just like this. 100 degrees during the day, 90 degrees during the night. i was in college.

1 - 2 AM: i'm back home with a girl I've known for a few weeks.. we're both nice and sauced. we finally make it up to my room and start getting to business. gratuitous kissing of the body and what not leads to sex. condom on and it's fun drunk sex! suddenly, and i kid you not, a MOTH with an 8-inch wing span flies in through my open bedroom window. judging by the way it was flying, it must have been as drunk as us. unfortunately, my fear of moths trumps any kind of common sense. I screamed like a schoolgirl and jumped off the bed. She was petrified, like a burglar had entered the room. Once she saw the moth though, she too entered Freak Mode. We are both naked and screaming like children.

The whole ordeal ended with me eventually killing the moth with a sandal + pillow + my hands. I flushed the behemoth down the toilet and that was it. We both went to sleep.

Hahaha


EDIT: Jesus Christ Vesmir lmao

 

[Funky Papa]

This thread is harrowing.

Harrowing.

 

[Opus Angelorum]

Thankfully I've never had any crazy happen, but in general when the partner is willing to receive but offers nothing in return. So selfish

 

[Always-honest]

After having no sex for over two years, i went to lunch with a girl from my class but ended up in bed with her. It all happened sooo fast. She unzipped my pants, took it out, sat on it and, humped up and down twice and....... yep, done

She was cool about it though. She just said: "don't worry, we'll just do it again in a couple of minutes , want something to eat?" Then while i was still eating she slowly started giving me a bj.. And we had great sex after that. I'm still thankful she was so sweet about it. God i was so embarrassed that time.

Also, don't have sex with girls from your class or work... it gets awkward (cause next thing she wanted a relationship.. and i didn't).

 

[Willkiller]

I've had sex with four different girls, two were girlfriends and two were little fling-type things. The shitty sex has always been with the fling girls.

GIRL ONE:
Did not expect to have sex with her, ever. She's staying the night at my parent's house with me, we're in my old bedroom. (I'm 27 now, this happened... maybe 3-4 years ago? I was in-between apartments and staying with them. Anyway.) So we're in bed talking or whatever and we start making out. Then things get heavier and there's some heavy petting going on. Suddenly she's on top of me telling me she wants me inside her.
Now, this causes me pause. I'm in my parent's house, and my bedroom is located in-between my mom's bedroom and my dad's bedroom. (Long story involving several back surgeries for my dad so they can't sleep together anymore ;_; ) Second problem: My bed frame had wheels on it and my bedroom had a hardwood floor. So I'm thinking, "If we have sex, the bed is going to roll around and it's going to make noise and someone is going to wake up and hear us." But I'm horny and she's horny so I ignore this and slide on the condom. Third problem: She tells me, "You need to ask me permission before you come." Uh, what? Immediate turn-off. Maybe now I'd be into that kind of thing, but back then, no. It's too late though and we're having sex.

Incredibly lackluster sex.

She's on top. Boring. I'm on top. Too noisy. We're on our sides. Too uncomfortable. We throw a blanket onto the floor and move down there to avoid the bed. The sex is just plain bad. She's trying to make it "hot" for me so she's over-acting and it's coming off as unnatural and fake and taking me out of it. I start to panic, how the hell am I going to get out of this sex without hurting her feelings?

I decide to fake an orgasm.

I mean it shouldn't be that hard, right? My 2nd girlfriend loved the feeling of me coming inside her because she could feel my dick tense up and get super hard when I came, so if I just pretend to come and flex my dick, no problem right?

But I have to ask for it.

We're in doggy-style position and I say, "I.. I think.. I'm getting close.. can I come?" (humiliating) She tells me yes I can, I do a couple harder thrusts, go rigid, and flex my dick as hard as I can. Pull out, yank the condom off and chuck it in the trash as fast as possible, and she completely falls for it. We clean up and get back into bed and she asks me to fucking rate her. She wants to know how she stacks up to the two other girls (at the time) I'd been with. I told her it's impossible to rate her because everyone is different and has different styles but sex with her was enjoyable and she did a good job? This satisfies her and we go to sleep.

BONUS: A day later she wanted to have sex again but I made up a story about not being over my ex yet, so she tried to give me a handjob instead. It was so bad I kept losing my wood. I told her I shot a blank to get her to stop. Once again she bought it. I am an amazing actor.

So you fucked Bane?

 

[I'm an expert]

After having no sex for over two years, i went to lunch with a girl from my class but ended up in bed with her. It all happened sooo fast. She unzipped my pants, took it out, sat on it and, humped up and down twice and....... yep, done

She was cool about it though. She just said: "don't worry, we'll just do it again in a couple of minutes , want something to eat?" Then while i was still eating she slowly started giving me a bj.. And we had great sex after that. I'm still thankful she was so sweet about it. God i was so embarrassed that time.

Also, don't have sex with girls from your class or work... it gets awkward (cause next thing she wanted a relationship.. and i didn't).

Hm.. even if you hadn't had sex in two years, weren't you jerking it regularly? Or was she just so hot you couldn't contain it? I mean.. two thrusts!?

 

[noah111]

This thread :lol

Fuck you for taking me away from a test.

So I was talking with a girl online about 5 years ago, back when I was living in SoCal. She seemed of the shy type, but after about a couple of weeks, she really opened up, phone and skype sex every other night, all the stuff.

We decide to finally meet up because we could not take it anymore. She wanted some, I wanted it all, and it would be hot to meet somewhere in the middle (we lived a good 40ish miles apart) and just go. The day comes, and after having lunch and playing mini-golf, we get to the motel, I shell out $90, and we get into the room and immediately my shirt is flying, and we are making out.

Now, the first warning sign was that it was my clothes being shed. She wasn't a secret fatty, because I saw what was up over cam. But hell, she was pulling me and getting down so I paid it little attention. I get around to getting her on the bed, taking her shirt off, unbuckling her bra and giving her every bit of attention with my mouth. She's loving it, and after some time, starts to unbuckle her pants, but stops. I think to myself, "Ok, she wants me to do it" but when I reach, she pushes me away. Now, I'm harder than Thor's hammer and I want to go all out, so I push her hand away and begin to strip off the pants and tear off her panties.

BIG FUCKING MISTAKE.
The smell came all at once, and hit me harder and faster than a 12-gauge to the temple. From hard as a rock to a banana peel, and it took all the willpower to not heave. I looked at her, and she had this look that told me that this was a problem for other guys and was awaiting my reaction. With eyes watering and the gag reflexes doing the work of gods, I kissed her and began fingering...I did not want her to feel bad but my dick could not do that work. Then the worst thing happens. She pushes my head down in an effort to do the impossible...but again, I didn't want to make her feel bad. I spread her apart, breathing from my mouth, and mind you the smell gets worse. Imagine mildew, old urine and a slight whiff of ass. Then toss that into a can of tuna. It's not good. I lick, and my body said no, and I heave. She gasps, I say something along the lines of ITS NOT YOU IM SICK but as soon as I do I throw up in my mouth. She begins crying while struggling to put on her ripped panties, and I just feel like shit both physically and for the poor sap that has to take that next time. By the time I get out of the bathroom, she's gone, and we haven't really talked since.

tl;dr: If it smells, suggest to take a shower together or something, because damn.

I laughed waaay harder at this than I should. What could it possibly be? She obviously was aware that it was a problem for a lot of guys, so you'd think it'd be the most sanitary part of her body afterwards..

I guess even that can't help for some people. :/

I thought he was a nice man, he had set me upon a gorgeous white horse with a beautiful mane like that of silver smoke. Little did I know he was so barbaric, so manly. He had waited until sundown to take me and I did not know what to anticipate. At first he was gentle, but I was scared. He slowly pulled off the straps of my dress and tears dripped down my eyes. I was frightened and he was just so, so strong.

The second time was almost as harrowing as the first. His weight was unlike anything I had ever withstood in my life. Yet, pained turned to pleasure before I knew it. As he pressed with his force my mind had become euphoric and had wandered to greater things. I am the blood of dragons of House Targaryen, of the blood of old Valyria. These thoughts echoed with each thrust. I swelled with pride for the greatness of days to come.

The final time was different. I had learned from my servant how to take a man, to give man what they've never had. No longer the ways that a hound would take a bitch. In our tent he was mine, for me to have my way with, I did not pleasure him so much as he pleasured me. After all, if he desired the ways of Dothrak why would he have taken me? At nightfall he once again attempted to take me forcefully. I told him in the language of his people that I would gaze upon his masculinity. On that night I rode the stallion as if it was the ride to King's Landing and when I finished, I had laid upon him as if he were the Iron Throne.

Spoiler

i got bored

Haha I feel sorry for anyone who hasn't seen got.

 

[Esch]

Nothing special, just some pretty standard inability for both parties to achieve orgasm with a condom on while hammered drunk.

With a pawg I met at Buffalo Wild Wings; we had a few drinks and went to her dorm on campus. It started well enough, but after a few minutes I noticed that it felt like my legs were super wet. I figured she was just super into it, but the more things continued the wetter it got. I got a whiff of some odd smell at which point I knew something was wrong. I decided to switch positions and see what was happening. As I repositioned I turned her lamp on and realized my dick and thigh were covered in what seemed to be mayo. Once I saw it I smelt it; it was like being outside a room in which some raw fish had been on the table for awhile - not a direct smell, but something that would just hit your nostrils every few seconds.

She was a bit drunk, and when she saw my legs/dick she said "should I get some bread?" as if it was funny. Eventually she came to her senses and realized she was disgusting, and I could tell she wanted to apologize. I went to the bathroom, wiped that shit off with a hand towel, put the condom in my pocket (I didn't trust her), and left.

ewww. sounds like a yeast infection or something.

 

[Pollux]

Was really drunk at the bar, fat girl a year ahead of me, we went back to her place and she went down on me. I got out of there ASAP. I'm now nervous about going into school bc I know people will give me shit for hooking up with a fat chick. But to be fair to me no sex happened, we made out a bit and then she went down on me and then we passed out. Ugh.

 

[I'm an expert]

Haha I feel sorry for anyone who hasn't seen got.

You mean read GoT.

 

[Rei_Toei]

Nothing special, just some pretty standard inability for both parties to achieve orgasm with a condom on while hammered drunk.

Same here. Once I was fairly drunk, this girl is sitting on top of me and I kinda feel how she's starting to dry up, I look at the action and suddenly see that the condom is just in ruins.. Like there's just the ring left around my dick and some ragged rubber hanging around it. Since I was lightyears away of orgasming anyway I was like, okay.

 

[Always-honest]

Hm.. even if you hadn't had sex in two years, weren't you jerking it regularly? Or was she just so hot you couldn't contain it? I mean.. two thrusts!?

Yeah seriously, two thrusts. Trust me, i'm no quicky in any way. But this time... yeah.
She wasn't exceptionally hot imo. And sure, i was jerking as normal in those days.
But yeah, it was a combination of things:
1. it all happened really fast. 1 minute we are in school, 20 minutes later she is on my dick..
2. last time sex was two years ago.
3. she was pretty tight there.
4. the warmth and tight fit of the vagina took me by surprise. I forgot and it is waaay better than my own hand .

I was surprised myself (and embarrassed). But i'd recommend every girl to do what she did when something like this happens.
I never felt bad about it since that time.

 

[AwesomePossum]

A good way to get out of sex where you're unable to cum is to tell the girl you're on anti-depressants. I always used that excuse whenever I notice a female getting agitated, and it always works. I don't have to feel bad about making them feel bad about themselves since it's the pills, not them.

 

[Hydrargyrus]

The worst time begins with my girlfriend in dog position. It was one of these days that was not very wet... and before doing it I thought that it would be better for both if i would lick it a little.

I had never made it like that, but when I did, my nose was in her ass. While I was doing nothing feels wrong, because I was breathing through my mouth, but when I ended and started to have sex, I had and disgusting smell of ass/poo surround me... because it was at my nose!!!.

No matter what I was doing, there was that smell.


Absolutely disgusting sex

 

[BadTaste]

This girl I was having sex with was cheating on her boyfriend with me, anyway while I was doing her she was sort of screaming during it, I don't think it was fake just because the way she was acting.

I couldn't feel anything, it felt like I was penetrating air. I didn't say anything so just went with it but she did admit at some point that she and her boyfriend had sex all the time, so maybe she was loose.

Edit: Not to mention I was a bit limp because she didn't turn me on at all.

 

[Rei_Toei]

The worst time begins with my girlfriend in dog position. It was one of these days that was not very wet... and before doing it I thought that it would be better for both if i would lick it a little.

I had never made it like that, but when I did, my nose was in his ass. While I was doing nothing feels wrong, because I was breathing through my mouth, but when I ended and started to have sex, I had and disgusting smell of ass/poo surround me... because it was at my nose!!!.

No matter what I was doing, there was that smell.


Absolutely disgusting sex

Eh..

 

[AdventureRacing]

The worst time begins with my girlfriend in dog position. It was one of these days that was not very wet... and before doing it I thought that it would be better for both if i would lick it a little.

I had never made it like that, but when I did, my nose was in his ass. While I was doing nothing feels wrong, because I was breathing through my mouth, but when I ended and started to have sex, I had and disgusting smell of ass/poo surround me... because it was at my nose!!!.

No matter what I was doing, there was that smell.


Absolutely disgusting sex

Hmm.

Edit: Beaten.

 

[I'm an expert]

HAHA I was thinking of doing the exact same thing but I figured English wasn't his first language.

 

[Rei_Toei]

HAHA I was thinking of doing the exact same thing but I figured English wasn't his first language.

Spanish, according to his profile

 

[Hydrargyrus]

Ahh, ooook.

Sorry about that. I should correct it. My English...

 

[Baron Doggystyle von Woof]

Few years ago I was hanging out with this girl which eventually led to sex.

The first time I had sex with her: We started missionary and I asked her to turn her around so we could do doggystyle. After a few hits I started smelling shit. Not that heavy smell when you deliver a huge message in the bathroom, but a light shit smell as if someone farted.

At first I doubted myself. Maybe it was me? But this couldn't be. I always take care of my ass like it's any other part of my body I am cleaning.

I felt my trooper having a hard time with this. It had to be her! So I tried pulling her butt cheeks together to try and contain the smell, but this didn't help. I just gave up and we switched to another position.

I had sex with her one more time, and again I smelled the light odor of shit when hitting her doggystyle. That was the last time.

 

[tkscz]

A friend of mine tries to do this match maker crap and she tends to hook me up with any ol' big girl (regardless of the standards I tell her I have). So she gets me hooked up with this random black woman.

While I am a black guy, I can't stand black women, but she had like J sized breasts, so I gave it a shot.

So we're chilling at her place, and she starts rubbing on me and I go straight for the J's. I go to make out and she's one of those "I don't like kissing" types that I can't stand. Next, I try going down on her, she stops me and says she only lets women do that, which was intriguing but annoying as I enjoy four play. Then we actually get to the sex and she won't do ANYTHING else but missionary. I stopped talking to her after that.

 

[blahblah...blah]

The Mavis Beacon story might be the best thing I've ever read on GAF. And it was funny, as opposed to disgusting like the other stories

 

[noah111]

Eh..

Hmm .

Haha. Either way, that's a great bidet advertisement if i've ever seen one. I seriously anally penetrate myself with water each time. My ass hold is probably cleaner/less smelly than any other part of my body because of it.

Living in the states all my life and never seeing a single bidet, it was the greatest thing for me to discover once I moved. I can't imagine taking a smh and simply wiping. Few times. ew.

 

[I'm an expert]

Ahh, ooook.

Sorry about that. I should correct it. My English...

Nah, its a silly mistake that made your post a bit funnier to read. There are English native speakers here who make much worse mistakes and are probably oblivious.

 

[cousins]

There have been a few times when the smell was unbearable. I can't think of any other problems, though.

 

[Riggs]

shit was so cash

Hey Danny doesn't talk like that!

 

[Nekofrog]

whiskey dick when i was going to fuck a good friend (female duh) of mine who i'd known forever and had wanted to fuck forever while my wife was in the other room.

sucked ass. maybe i'll get another chance some other time.

 

[Aesius]

Long story short: I tried to have sex with this one girl at least a half dozen times over a 4 year period, but either lost my boner or she wasn't wet enough. I wanted to fuck her so bad, but by the last few times we got together, I had developed a complex about it and couldn't get hard to save my life.

We kept in touch and would randomly try to hook up, and I finally, finally fucked her in January 2011. Surprisingly, we were both wasted and my boner kept oscillating between rock hard and Nerf, but I managed to do her for about 2 hours. Never came though.

The funny thing is that we basically stopped talking to each other after that night.

 

[ChosenPredator]

some of the ways you guys describe smell is hilarious and how tuna/fish is always involved in the rotting smell has me rolling.

 

[tkscz]

Whats with all these stories and stank pussy?

 

[shadowsdarknes]

Meet girl at bar.

Booty calls me a week or two later.

Spend night at her place.

Lots of making out at first, then we jump into bed.

Goes full corpse mode. Doesn't want to try anything besides missionary.

At one point while she's limply tugging at my penis, I straight up tell her, "You know, I'd love it if you'd go down on me right now."

She reacts by putting her fingers to her lips and whispering, "Shhh..."

That night ruined any momentum our relationship might have had.

Ahhh jeez. I might be falling into a similar situation.