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[Gromph]

Where is the report?

In the bathroom

 

[Granadier]

Where is the report?

In the bathroom

Just got back. The date went really well I think. We had quite a bit in common even with being separate majors and interest areas. Played trivia at the first bar, (and came in last for the whole bar), then we went to a second bar that was quieter. Spent a couple more hours there talking, and then walked back to our cars. Cue awkward hug because I didn't know if it was a kissing situation or not.

Anyways we'll see what happens.

Spoiler

I'm typing this from my bathroom.

 

[Septimius]

I'm so sure because I have over a decade of failure under my belt at this point. What other conclusion should I have come to? I'd certainly like to! I just keep failing... I wish you could see me attempt to socialize so you could really understand.

Also, you quoted me but didn't really address the question. Can we discuss why it's allegedly "not hard" to meet people? I'd like to get some input on why people feel this way because I certainly don't agree. Rather than whine, I'd like to hear why other people succeed for a change.

I'm not saying you're doing things right. You're in a troublesome bind, because your insecurity is so deeply interwoven with the thing you wish to improve, that it feels hard to cast it aside. I think I recommended you The Way of Zen before. I'll do the same again. Open mind, open spirit, and that book might be able to give you the same feeling it gave me. The feeling of "why the hell did I fret about this?" and the accompanying relaxation in response. Why do I recommend that book, instead of respond to your question? Because you won't realize why it's not hard to strike up random conversation unless you realize it's not hard. It's like looking for a pair of glasses that you're wearing.

Just got back. The date went really well I think. We had quite a bit in common even with being separate majors and interest areas. Played trivia at the first bar, (and came in last for the whole bar), then we went to a second bar that was quieter. Spent a couple more hours there talking, and then walked back to our cars. Cue awkward hug because I didn't know if it was a kissing situation or not.

Anyways we'll see what happens.

Don't worry about the hug. She probably was in her head about it, too. Hoping for a second date for you! Sounds like a nice start.

Spoiler

I'm typing this from my bathroom.

Spoiler

<3

 

[anaslexy]

Is it worth chasing a girl who you went out with 5 times and somewhere along the line she lost interest? When I asked why she seemed distant, she said that it takes her a long time to get comfortable with people and then she said she is not sure about the relationship.

I still like her and I'm wondering if a love letter expressing my feelings will help

 

[Septimius]

Is it worth chasing a girl who you went out with 5 times and somewhere along the line she lost interest? When I asked why she seemed distant, she said that it takes her a long time to get comfortable with people and then she said she is not sure about the relationship.

I still like her and I'm wondering if a love letter expressing my feelings will help

Like I said in the OP, it is like the hand and the shadow. When one retreats, the other follows. That's what's happening here. She started pulling away, and you ran after her. Then she ran faster. Now you're running fastest with the idea of sending a love letter.

No, it won't help. She's removing herself from you, for whatever reason. Chasing her metaphorically down will only push her further away, as you can see from how she removed herself when you asked her why she seemed distant. The balance isn't right between you two. It's one of the hardest things to fix. With you being so keen to follow, she'll forever remove herself.

A love letter won't help at all. Leave her totally be. She might end up contacting you, some day. That's the only way.

 

[Nephtis]

"...I'm too old to do what I don't want."


So, I met this woman in OKCupid. We spent over a month and a half messaging and texting, talking on the phone from time to time. Lots of flirting. We finally decided to meet.

We met at this bar and everything seemed to be going really well. We talked about what we like, what our life plans are, career paths, etc. We talked about bad movies we thought we should see together. Overall, it was a very enjoyable date.

I walked her to her car, and then leaned in for a kiss - to which she accepted. We talked a little more, and then I leaned for another kiss as, y'know, a goodnight kiss. She moved away. I asked what was wrong, and she said, "I'm too old to do what I don't want." I asked what she meant by this, and she said kissing once was fine, but she was done with that. I'm like, what, are we done with like, dating? And she said no, she just didn't want to be kissing anymore since she had enough.

I just gave her this "are you kidding me" look. I said "fair enough", and shook her hand. She then says "I hope we get to hang out for the movie soon, I had a great time". I said sure, and took off.

I have not messaged her since. She said she liked me and wanted for us to start dating, but that whole thing really threw me off -- and turned me off too. I've lost all interest. Maybe I'm being unfair, but I am completely fine with rejection - it happens. It's just, that was so weird. It's been close to a week now and we haven't sent a single text to each other, even though we used to do it daily. So, I think she was done with it too but tried to be polite? I don't know.

Plenty of women out there to be too hung up on this one.

 

[Coda]

"...I'm too old to do what I don't want."


So, I met this woman in OKCupid. We spent over a month and a half messaging and texting, talking on the phone from time to time. Lots of flirting. We finally decided to meet.

We met at this bar and everything seemed to be going really well. We talked about what we like, what our life plans are, career paths, etc. We talked about bad movies we thought we should see together. Overall, it was a very enjoyable date.

I walked her to her car, and then leaned in for a kiss - to which she accepted. We talked a little more, and then I leaned for another kiss as, y'know, a goodnight kiss. She moved away. I asked what was wrong, and she said, "I'm too old to do what I don't want." I asked what she meant by this, and she said kissing once was fine, but she was done with that. I'm like, what, are we done with like, dating? And she said no, she just didn't want to be kissing anymore since she had enough.

I just gave her this "are you kidding me" look. I said "fair enough", and shook her hand. She then says "I hope we get to hang out for the movie soon, I had a great time". I said sure, and took off.

I have not messaged her since. She said she liked me and wanted for us to start dating, but that whole thing really threw me off -- and turned me off too. I've lost all interest. Maybe I'm being unfair, but I am completely fine with rejection - it happens. It's just, that was so weird. It's been close to a week now and we haven't sent a single text to each other, even though we used to do it daily. So, I think she was done with it too but tried to be polite? I don't know.

Plenty of women out there to be too hung up on this one.

Was the first kiss like a makeout kind of kiss, or a quick thing? That is pretty bizarre but maybe she thought you were coming on too strong even though you two have been talking for a while. Girls are strange mannnn.

 

[Omegasquash]

"...I'm too old to do what I don't want."


So, I met this woman in OKCupid. We spent over a month and a half messaging and texting, talking on the phone from time to time. Lots of flirting. We finally decided to meet.

We met at this bar and everything seemed to be going really well. We talked about what we like, what our life plans are, career paths, etc. We talked about bad movies we thought we should see together. Overall, it was a very enjoyable date.

I walked her to her car, and then leaned in for a kiss - to which she accepted. We talked a little more, and then I leaned for another kiss as, y'know, a goodnight kiss. She moved away. I asked what was wrong, and she said, "I'm too old to do what I don't want." I asked what she meant by this, and she said kissing once was fine, but she was done with that. I'm like, what, are we done with like, dating? And she said no, she just didn't want to be kissing anymore since she had enough.

I just gave her this "are you kidding me" look. I said "fair enough", and shook her hand. She then says "I hope we get to hang out for the movie soon, I had a great time". I said sure, and took off.

I have not messaged her since. She said she liked me and wanted for us to start dating, but that whole thing really threw me off -- and turned me off too. I've lost all interest. Maybe I'm being unfair, but I am completely fine with rejection - it happens. It's just, that was so weird. It's been close to a week now and we haven't sent a single text to each other, even though we used to do it daily. So, I think she was done with it too but tried to be polite? I don't know.

Plenty of women out there to be too hung up on this one.

If it turned you off, it turned you off. There's nothing unfair about you being turned off, or having lost all interest. And since there's been no texting, it's a safe bet she's all set too. Let it drop unless she messages you, and get back to looking.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Both of us are 17. I agree that I reacted in an unhealthy manner. I also see that the relationship was fairly toxic. Some people never seem to know what they want and I believe she is one of those people.

I've been playing soccer or running cross country a lot recently and I've found myself happier than I was when I was in a relationship. In fact, the moment I she ended it I was very relieved. Not specifically because the relationship was over, but because a verdict had been reached. Looking back, I should have ended it weeks prior to when we actually split--I will definitely keep this experience in mind with regard to future relationships.



I do try to distance myself from it at this point. As for the height thing, I was relating it to sex so the whole "big guy = big dick" was what I was referring to.

At 17 years old all I would suggest to you is that you don't bother with girls who wanna have guys on the side. I know teenagers and the whole "I'm in love, she's amazing" thing but honestly no. If a girl can't make up her mind, you make it up for her and move on. And once you move on, stay moved on. Don't ever let them engage in discussion with you after. You're not a comfort mechanism.

 

[Horseticuffs]

"...I'm too old to do what I don't want."


So, I met this woman in OKCupid. We spent over a month and a half messaging and texting, talking on the phone from time to time. Lots of flirting. We finally decided to meet.

We met at this bar and everything seemed to be going really well. We talked about what we like, what our life plans are, career paths, etc. We talked about bad movies we thought we should see together. Overall, it was a very enjoyable date.

I walked her to her car, and then leaned in for a kiss - to which she accepted. We talked a little more, and then I leaned for another kiss as, y'know, a goodnight kiss. She moved away. I asked what was wrong, and she said, "I'm too old to do what I don't want." I asked what she meant by this, and she said kissing once was fine, but she was done with that. I'm like, what, are we done with like, dating? And she said no, she just didn't want to be kissing anymore since she had enough.

I just gave her this "are you kidding me" look. I said "fair enough", and shook her hand. She then says "I hope we get to hang out for the movie soon, I had a great time". I said sure, and took off.

I have not messaged her since. She said she liked me and wanted for us to start dating, but that whole thing really threw me off -- and turned me off too. I've lost all interest. Maybe I'm being unfair, but I am completely fine with rejection - it happens. It's just, that was so weird. It's been close to a week now and we haven't sent a single text to each other, even though we used to do it daily. So, I think she was done with it too but tried to be polite? I don't know.

Plenty of women out there to be too hung up on this one.

That's an unfortunate way to look at shit on her end. I couldn't date someone who was "done" with kisses.
You made the right call, buddy.

 

[Talka]

Got rejected again tonight. It was only a four-date fling, which isn't that long, but whatever. At this point, I am just so extremely tired. After however many dates, with however many girls... I'm just tired of getting rejected. I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of getting my hopes up after each promising date, only to end up disappointed. I'm tired of being told I'm funny and attractive and nice and thoughtful and then getting dumped regardless. I'm tired of planning dates. I'm tired of investing and hoping that each fling might lead somewhere, when they never do. I'm tired of never getting past the fourth or fifth date. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. I'm tired of being alone. Just tired.

At this point, there's enough data to recognize failure when I see it. If I can't find who I'm looking for in my 20s, why should the next few decades be any better? Maybe I'll get lucky. Or maybe I need to lower my hopes or die alone.

I know this is whiney drivel, but whatever. I'm tired of pretending like I'm above whiney drivel. I'm tired of being exhausted and alone and miserable. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. Tired, tired, tired.

Shitty Friday.

 

[Ampersands]

So I asked the girl I was talking about earlier out and she said she was busy this weekend but gave me her number. That means 'yes', right?

So now that I have her number, should I send her a text sometime this weekend? We didn't really organize any get-together because we were in a rush so should I do through texting? I really know nothing about dating; this is the first girl I've ever asked out. That also means I have no idea where to take her.

I was thinking of taking her to the movies and coffee afterwards but apparently movie dates for first dates are a bad idea. I don't really know if that rule applies in my situation because I feel pretty familiar with her.

I could really use your guidance GAF!

 

[Log4Girlz]

Where is the best place to meet a womans?

 

[Servbot24]

Got rejected again tonight. It was only a four-date fling, which isn't that long, but whatever. At this point, I am just so extremely tired. After however many dates, with however many girls... I'm just tired of getting rejected. I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of getting my hopes up after each promising date, only to end up disappointed. I'm tired of being told I'm funny and attractive and nice and thoughtful and then getting dumped regardless. I'm tired of planning dates. I'm tired of investing and hoping that each fling might lead somewhere, when they never do. I'm tired of never getting past the fourth or fifth date. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. I'm tired of being alone. Just tired.

At this point, there's enough data to recognize failure when I see it. If I can't find who I'm looking for in my 20s, why should the next few decades be any better? Maybe I'll get lucky. Or maybe I need to lower my hopes or die alone.

I know this is whiney drivel, but whatever. I'm tired of pretending like I'm above whiney drivel. I'm tired of being exhausted and alone and miserable. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. Tired, tired, tired.

Shitty Friday.

It only takes one. But it really sucks waiting for that right one.

The only way to live is to love being alone. Learn to accept yourself and treasure the time you have to yourself. Love yourself, which means desiring to better yourself. Exemplify the traits of your heroes, learn that skill you've always wanted, become the person you would be if you had the chance to be anyone. When you're alone is when you'll have the most free time to do so. Do it for yourself, but this will make you more attractive in the process.

I know you don't want to hear that cliche shit, but whatever, it's all true. You can buy into it slowly. Eat a little healthier, do extra push ups throughout the day, learn a couple words of a foreign language everyday, work on your hobby a little bit everyday. You don't have to all of a sudden stop being depressed, just open small gateways and eventually you'll fall through to the other side.

 

[Septimius]

Got rejected again tonight. It was only a four-date fling, which isn't that long, but whatever. At this point, I am just so extremely tired. After however many dates, with however many girls... I'm just tired of getting rejected. I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of getting my hopes up after each promising date, only to end up disappointed. I'm tired of being told I'm funny and attractive and nice and thoughtful and then getting dumped regardless. I'm tired of planning dates. I'm tired of investing and hoping that each fling might lead somewhere, when they never do. I'm tired of never getting past the fourth or fifth date. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. I'm tired of being alone. Just tired.

At this point, there's enough data to recognize failure when I see it. If I can't find who I'm looking for in my 20s, why should the next few decades be any better? Maybe I'll get lucky. Or maybe I need to lower my hopes or die alone.

I know this is whiney drivel, but whatever. I'm tired of pretending like I'm above whiney drivel. I'm tired of being exhausted and alone and miserable. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. Tired, tired, tired.

Shitty Friday.

That's an understandable reaction.But, as I've pointed out in the OP, you might be causing the rejection by being so tired of being alone.

So I asked the girl I was talking about earlier out and she said she was busy this weekend but gave me her number. That means 'yes', right?

So now that I have her number, should I send her a text sometime this weekend? We didn't really organize any get-together because we were in a rush so should I do through texting? I really know nothing about dating; this is the first girl I've ever asked out. That also means I have no idea where to take her.

I was thinking of taking her to the movies and coffee afterwards but apparently movie dates for first dates are a bad idea. I don't really know if that rule applies in my situation because I feel pretty familiar with her.

I could really use your guidance GAF!

Movie-date isn't a bad idea if there's a movie you really want to see with her. Don't just go to a movie to go to a movie. It's normally a bad idea if you don't know the person, at all. But it's not necessarily a bad idea in this case.

She said she was busy this weekend, though, so maybe wait until after the weekend to send a message? It's not necessarily go, especially since she said she was busy. Also, it doesn't automatically mean 'yes', so keep your wits about you. Send her a message and just have fun with it. Then ask her out when the time feels right.

 

[n64coder]

Where is the best place to meet a womans?

everywhere

 

[grap3fruitman]

Where is the best place to meet a womans?

Why must you mock us?

Shitty Friday.

 

[NeOak]

Where is the best place to meet a womans?

See thread name.

 

[GK86]

So I asked the girl I was talking about earlier out and she said she was busy this weekend but gave me her number. That means 'yes', right?

So now that I have her number, should I send her a text sometime this weekend? We didn't really organize any get-together because we were in a rush so should I do through texting? I really know nothing about dating; this is the first girl I've ever asked out. That also means I have no idea where to take her.

I was thinking of taking her to the movies and coffee afterwards but apparently movie dates for first dates are a bad idea. I don't really know if that rule applies in my situation because I feel pretty familiar with her.

I could really use your guidance GAF!

Movie dates (as a first date) is terrible regardless if you know the person well or not. Go with the coffee idea. Or even a bar (assuming you guys are of age).

As for setting up a (potential) date, call her up, don't text her. Be confident and clear when talking to her. Good luck!

 

[obin_gam]

Got rejected again tonight. It was only a four-date fling, which isn't that long, but whatever. At this point, I am just so extremely tired. After however many dates, with however many girls... I'm just tired of getting rejected. I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of getting my hopes up after each promising date, only to end up disappointed. I'm tired of being told I'm funny and attractive and nice and thoughtful and then getting dumped regardless. I'm tired of planning dates. I'm tired of investing and hoping that each fling might lead somewhere, when they never do. I'm tired of never getting past the fourth or fifth date. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. I'm tired of being alone. Just tired.

At this point, there's enough data to recognize failure when I see it. If I can't find who I'm looking for in my 20s, why should the next few decades be any better? Maybe I'll get lucky. Or maybe I need to lower my hopes or die alone.

I know this is whiney drivel, but whatever. I'm tired of pretending like I'm above whiney drivel. I'm tired of being exhausted and alone and miserable. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. Tired, tired, tired.

Shitty Friday.

For what it's worth - you're not alone. You are also describing me, down to the tiniest detail

 

[Wolf Akela]

Sigh... my relatoinship isn't going so well. Only been several months. We usually have mini squabbles over small things. Just tonight we were having a great time. I was escorting her to the exit of the mall but like usual she doesn't want me to do it. She doesn't like feeling left behind so she's often the one who takes me to wherever I have to catch my ride home.

Well she kept badgering me to go home first like usual then ended up admitting she was going to buy something along the way (before where I have to drop her off). I'm like, okay. I waited a bit but couldn't find her in the store she went inside so I assume she snuck out on me to buy something (the something is a long story). She was nagging me to go home a while ago so I stupidly assumed so.

Several miles later I saw she's been texting and calling nonstop asking where I was. My phone wasn't set to vibrate so I didn't feel it. She was waiting for me for a good 20 mins. She was really mad, told me to cancel our trip and blocked me on Facebook. I mean yeah I completely understand getting mad because something like that happened to us back then but I was the one who was kept waiting for nothing. I just don't get all this big reaction, especially since she was late for an hour for our date that day.

She's an incredibly nice person otherwise. Sometimes I felt she was TOO nice because she kept letting other people walk over her and I kept reminding her that other people people are taking advantage of her kindness.

 

[Gromph]

Where is the best place to meet a womans?

In the bathroom

 

[Misterhbk]

Got rejected again tonight. It was only a four-date fling, which isn't that long, but whatever. At this point, I am just so extremely tired. After however many dates, with however many girls... I'm just tired of getting rejected. I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of getting my hopes up after each promising date, only to end up disappointed. I'm tired of being told I'm funny and attractive and nice and thoughtful and then getting dumped regardless. I'm tired of planning dates. I'm tired of investing and hoping that each fling might lead somewhere, when they never do. I'm tired of never getting past the fourth or fifth date. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. I'm tired of being alone. Just tired.

At this point, there's enough data to recognize failure when I see it. If I can't find who I'm looking for in my 20s, why should the next few decades be any better? Maybe I'll get lucky. Or maybe I need to lower my hopes or die alone.

I know this is whiney drivel, but whatever. I'm tired of pretending like I'm above whiney drivel. I'm tired of being exhausted and alone and miserable. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. Tired, tired, tired.

Shitty Friday.

So out of all these girls you've gone out with every single one of them was girlfriend material for you? I ask because you make it sound like you're the only one getting rejected. Do you instantly think of every girl as great and want to date her?

Two years of being single and I can say that yes, I've faced plenty of rejection, but I've also done my fair share of rejecting as well. Not every girl I meet is someone I could see myself being with. Sure being rejected sucks but it's part of the game.

I only ask because it does come off that you're so tired of being lonely that anyone is good enough. And if girls get that vibe from you theyre going to get turned off.

 

[bigfunkychiken]

At 17 years old all I would suggest to you is that you don't bother with girls who wanna have guys on the side. I know teenagers and the whole "I'm in love, she's amazing" thing but honestly no. If a girl can't make up her mind, you make it up for her and move on. And once you move on, stay moved on. Don't ever let them engage in discussion with you after. You're not a comfort mechanism.

I don't think I was ever all that in love with her, if I ever even was at all. She's not really a good person. I think she brought a worse side of me.

Either way, I definitely don't love her anymore. I sometimes think about her with another dude but it continues to bother me less and less and soon enough I'm sure I won't think twice about it.

 

[Ghost_Protocol]

For what it's worth - you're not alone. You are also describing me, down to the tiniest detail

And me.

The worst part for me is that I end up carrying that resentment and frustration with me afterwards and it sabotages future opportunities.

Case in point - I was stood up (cancelled on last minute) by two different girls in the same week, all after plenty of texts, jokes, flirting, etc. back and forth. Also, both girls volunteered their number to me without having to ask, AND suggested a date.

I was so frustrated after the second flake that the next day when I was leaving the gym, a really cute girl jogged up to me as I was leaving and said "Hi, I saw you in the gym and wanted to say hello" , I turned around and said "hey", turned back around, put my headphones back in, and kept walking. In my mind I was thinking, "why the fuck should I bother talking to another person who's just going to flake on me anyway; fuck her."

Is that a healthy attitude to have? No. Was I completely rude to a friendly stranger for no good reason? Yes. I hate dating.

 

[Ampersands]

Update on my situation:

It turns out that she texted me. It was a rejection.

I knew there was something off when I asked her out. It seems I was pretty spot-on in my first post. In my defense, I probably lost the game before I even played it.

I wish I could get over her quickly. My productivity took a pretty big hit from this.

 

[Septimius]

Update on my situation:

It turns out that she texted me. It was a rejection.

I knew there was something off when I asked her out. It seems I was pretty spot-on in my first post. In my defense, I probably lost the game before I even played it.

I wish I could get over her quickly. My productivity took a pretty big hit from this.

Did you take into account what I said? When you ask someone out, but they say they're busy, it's normally not a good sign. If they say they busy, but they plan other time it works, it's a lot better. So when you have a number, but think you might've been rejected, it's a good idea to build up rapport over some messages before trying again. I can't say if the stuff she said is bullshit or not. If it's not bullshit - and really, why would she lie about it? - I feel sorry for her. But that's not that relevant.

 

[AdventureRacing]

Movie dates (as a first date) is terrible regardless if you know the person well or not. Go with the coffee idea. Or even a bar (assuming you guys are of age).

As for setting up a (potential) date, call her up, don't text her. Be confident and clear when talking to her. Good luck!

These are not hard and fast rules. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a movie for a first date especially if it's followed up by something like a coffee where you have a chance to talk.

As for the second part a lot of girls i know would be put off if you call instead of texting, some to the point where it would be a deal breaker. In general i think people tend to lean more towards texting in general but especially in the early stages of dating.

Got rejected again tonight. It was only a four-date fling, which isn't that long, but whatever. At this point, I am just so extremely tired. After however many dates, with however many girls... I'm just tired of getting rejected. I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of getting my hopes up after each promising date, only to end up disappointed. I'm tired of being told I'm funny and attractive and nice and thoughtful and then getting dumped regardless. I'm tired of planning dates. I'm tired of investing and hoping that each fling might lead somewhere, when they never do. I'm tired of never getting past the fourth or fifth date. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. I'm tired of being alone. Just tired.

At this point, there's enough data to recognize failure when I see it. If I can't find who I'm looking for in my 20s, why should the next few decades be any better? Maybe I'll get lucky. Or maybe I need to lower my hopes or die alone.

I know this is whiney drivel, but whatever. I'm tired of pretending like I'm above whiney drivel. I'm tired of being exhausted and alone and miserable. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. Tired, tired, tired.

Shitty Friday.

Are you happy with your life outside of dating? Because frankly it sounds like you're trying to use a relationship to fill the void being created by other issues in your life. I don't think it's healthy to expect someone else to just make you happy and for the most part things don't work that way.

I'll say the same thing i always say to posts like this. You need to sort yourself out before you can expect anyone else to want to be with you. So you're exhausted, tired, miserable and lonely. You seem to have a pretty negative outlook as well. Do you think this is the type of person people want to date? Is this the type of person you want to date? Even though i'm sure you think you don't project these emotions onto other people (everyone thinks this) in general people are good at picking these things up.

You need to get to a point where you're happy whether you're in a relationship or not. I realise that is obvious and totally cliche and not what you want to hear but i think that really may be your biggest hindrance.

 

[NIGHT-]

Man, I just feel low and shitty... My ex, who I'm still in love with, has met someone new and his happy. It just crushes. I've tried going on a couple dates, but I just don't have the confidence . It sucks living in a smaller state, especially one like Ariansas, where I just can't connect with most women here. I have no interest in mudding or hunting

 

[Septimius]

Sigh... my relatoinship isn't going so well. Only been several months. We usually have mini squabbles over small things. Just tonight we were having a great time. I was escorting her to the exit of the mall but like usual she doesn't want me to do it. She doesn't like feeling left behind so she's often the one who takes me to wherever I have to catch my ride home.

Well she kept badgering me to go home first like usual then ended up admitting she was going to buy something along the way (before where I have to drop her off). I'm like, okay. I waited a bit but couldn't find her in the store she went inside so I assume she snuck out on me to buy something (the something is a long story). She was nagging me to go home a while ago so I stupidly assumed so.

Several miles later I saw she's been texting and calling nonstop asking where I was. My phone wasn't set to vibrate so I didn't feel it. She was waiting for me for a good 20 mins. She was really mad, told me to cancel our trip and blocked me on Facebook. I mean yeah I completely understand getting mad because something like that happened to us back then but I was the one who was kept waiting for nothing. I just don't get all this big reaction, especially since she was late for an hour for our date that day.

She's an incredibly nice person otherwise. Sometimes I felt she was TOO nice because she kept letting other people walk over her and I kept reminding her that other people people are taking advantage of her kindness.

Sounds like she's got some major insecurities. That kind of a big reaction to a misunderstanding isn't normal. It's not to say that it's wrong, it's just to say that you won't be able to remain in a relationship with her unless she fights to improve on such things. Everyone's allowed to have a poor knee-jerk reaction to things, but if she blocks you from facebook, that's just having it be way too big. You can't really say it like that to her, but if you do talk to her about it, try and have her see that it was an honest mistake.

I don't get the whole 'escort, but like usual", and what's really going on. The language is a bit shabby. However, it sounded like a misunderstanding. That should be understandable. I get that she might've been upset, but she can't really act like that. How old are you two?

I've been in a relationship for four years, where there was a lot of similar things going on. It's good to fight for something you want to fight for. Just realize that when you justify her things by saying she's awesome otherwise. It doesn't change that this is not something that can remain the way it is, now. But it will take time to fix, and she will need to want to fix it. Be vigilant, and fight for you two to properly communicate.

I don't get the "too nice" thing, either, but it does seem to relate to her insecurities. If you are young, it makes sense. We all need to work through a lot of things in our lives. But know that it's really hard to fix these things while in a relationship. It takes for both to want to fix it, and a lot of figuring things out. I don't want to say it's a doomed relationship, but this will be hard.

And me.

The worst part for me is that I end up carrying that resentment and frustration with me afterwards and it sabotages future opportunities.

Case in point - I was stood up (cancelled on last minute) by two different girls in the same week, all after plenty of texts, jokes, flirting, etc. back and forth. Also, both girls volunteered their number to me without having to ask, AND suggested a date.

I was so frustrated after the second flake that the next day when I was leaving the gym, a really cute girl jogged up to me as I was leaving and said "Hi, I saw you in the gym and wanted to say hello" , I turned around and said "hey", turned back around, put my headphones back in, and kept walking. In my mind I was thinking, "why the fuck should I bother talking to another person who's just going to flake on me anyway; fuck her."

Is that a healthy attitude to have? No. Was I completely rude to a friendly stranger for no good reason? Yes. I hate dating.

It sounds like dating is a bit much of a end-all-be-all thing. I get that it's upsetting when something like that happens, but it doesn't feel organic and natural, the way you explain it. It is like some set road that you move along, and you just find a person to move along the dating tracks with. It isn't. Dating is really just an extension and something really natural that happens when you meet someone you like. When you chase it, and put something on "dating" that isn't real, then feelings like these arise.

Man, I just feel low and shitty... My ex, who I'm still in love with, has met someone new and his happy. It just crushes. I've tried going on a couple dates, but I just don't have the confidence . It sucks living in a smaller state, especially one like Ariansas, where I just can't connect with most women here. I have no interest in mudding or hunting

It sucks, but you'll get over it. Take positive steps to distance yourself. Let it settle itself. Don't fret about dating, yet. If you're still in love with someone else, you're simply not ready to date anyone. First things first.

 

[Prime crotch]

welp, back to single status, mostly I got myself to blame since I got scared and I lashed out so she dumped me. Sooo, back to doing whatever I was doing before.

 

[Wolf Akela]

Sounds like she's got some major insecurities. That kind of a big reaction to a misunderstanding isn't normal. It's not to say that it's wrong, it's just to say that you won't be able to remain in a relationship with her unless she fights to improve on such things. Everyone's allowed to have a poor knee-jerk reaction to things, but if she blocks you from facebook, that's just having it be way too big. You can't really say it like that to her, but if you do talk to her about it, try and have her see that it was an honest mistake.

I don't get the whole 'escort, but like usual", and what's really going on. The language is a bit shabby. However, it sounded like a misunderstanding. That should be understandable. I get that she might've been upset, but she can't really act like that. How old are you two?

I've been in a relationship for four years, where there was a lot of similar things going on. It's good to fight for something you want to fight for. Just realize that when you justify her things by saying she's awesome otherwise. It doesn't change that this is not something that can remain the way it is, now. But it will take time to fix, and she will need to want to fix it. Be vigilant, and fight for you two to properly communicate.

I don't get the "too nice" thing, either, but it does seem to relate to her insecurities. If you are young, it makes sense. We all need to work through a lot of things in our lives. But know that it's really hard to fix these things while in a relationship. It takes for both to want to fix it, and a lot of figuring things out. I don't want to say it's a doomed relationship, but this will be hard.

She's calmed down and we're alright now and apologized first thing in the morning. It was really a lot due to her feeling really hurt whenever she feels like she's being left behind, and I think it was due to past experience. The "escort like usual" ties with this. I mean, normally it's the guy who walks the girl home right? Well, it's the opposite for us, since she doesn't like feeling left behind. Even if we're already at her bus station, she'll still walk me to my own bus station.

I try not to give too much detail, but she's several years older than me and pretty much "marriage age". She grew up outside the city so she's still quite innocent at many things. You're right, we both still are young at heart at least. I did have a poor knee-jerk reaction as well back then and I keep it in mind. I just jokingly told her we're even now. We had our misunderstandings but we've fixed them. We still remember them sometimes so we keep them in mind as lessons.

This is my first relationship so I'm not sure how often couples usually have small misunderstandings. I get that they're normal though.

 

[dark_inferno]

Update on my situation:

If you really like her... then go do something else with her. Go out with her and i dont mean a date i mean just hanging out. Treat her like a friend. Get over the fact that you are in the Friendzone right now.
This might lead to having someone that would help you understand women better or if you are really lucky and work hard for it you might end up in a relationship with her.

But dont get your hopes up. Just play it cool even if it hurts sometimes.

She's calmed down and we're alright now and apologized first thing in the morning. It was really a lot due to her feeling really hurt whenever she feels like she's being left behind, and I think it was due to past experience. The "escort like usual" ties with this. I mean, normally it's the guy who walks the girl home right? Well, it's the opposite for us, since she doesn't like feeling left behind. Even if we're already at her bus station, she'll still walk me to my own bus station.

I try not to give too much detail, but she's several years older than me and pretty much "marriage age". She grew up outside the city so she's still quite innocent at many things. You're right, we both still are young at heart at least. I did have a poor knee-jerk reaction as well back then and I keep it in mind. I just jokingly told her we're even now. We had our misunderstandings but we've fixed them. We still remember them sometimes so we keep them in mind as lessons.

This is my first relationship so I'm not sure how often couples usually have small misunderstandings. I get that they're normal though.

Well every Relationship has its ups and downs. If you end up remembering more bad times than good times in your relationship then its time to break up. And small misunderstandings are pretty often. But dont make them turn over your relationship. Speak alot so you understand each other better and such mistakes wont happen anymore.

 

[Septimius]

welp, back to single status, mostly I got myself to blame since I got scared and I lashed out so she dumped me. Sooo, back to doing whatever I was doing before.

What happened?

She's calmed down and we're alright now and apologized first thing in the morning. It was really a lot due to her feeling really hurt whenever she feels like she's being left behind, and I think it was due to past experience. The "escort like usual" ties with this. I mean, normally it's the guy who walks the girl home right? Well, it's the opposite for us, since she doesn't like feeling left behind. Even if we're already at her bus station, she'll still walk me to my own bus station.

I try not to give too much detail, but she's several years older than me and pretty much "marriage age". She grew up outside the city so she's still quite innocent at many things. You're right, we both still are young at heart at least. I did have a poor knee-jerk reaction as well back then and I keep it in mind. I just jokingly told her we're even now. We had our misunderstandings but we've fixed them. We still remember them sometimes so we keep them in mind as lessons.

This is my first relationship so I'm not sure how often couples usually have small misunderstandings. I get that they're normal though.

Misunderstandings and blow-offs are normal. Like with my girlfriend and I. We're moving together, but I'm the one owning the flat. I told her "yeah, it's my flat, but it's important that it's our home". However, I told her that the TV she bought not long ago won't be the TV in our living room, since I want something I've properly found and know will suit my needs. Other than that, there's a book shelf she's really wanted to bring with her, and I told her it's no problem at all. However, when we found this apartment, we both totally fell for it. She said "aww, but there's nowhere my bookshelf would fit", and I said it's a shame. However, now that I repeated the thing I'd said about the TV before, she suddenly went "I can't bring ANY of my stuff!" which was really unfair. I tried to argue that of course she could, but she used things like the book case against me. We had a heated discussion for a bit, but I had tend to some other stuff for 20 minutes. When I came back she said "That was unfair" and we made up. Things like that will always happen. There's nothing wrong with poorly reacting. But if it's constant and leads to a sort of constant one-up-manship, things just won't work out. Getting blocked on Facebook is the equivalent of breaking up during arguments. I don't really know of any couple that have done any thing close to that that has made it. That also goes for my previous relationship where I thought it was just a "bad side" of the relationship.

What we think isn't really important, of course. If it's worth it for you, it's worth it for you. I just notice some things I want to point out. It's just to point it out.

 

[Prime crotch]

What happened?

I was having second thoughts about our relationship, mainly because she was really, really into me, and we where only going out for 5 months, so as typical as it sounds I got cold feet. For some reason I wasn't confortable with her around other people, which may be due to a general fear of commitment on my end.

Anyways, she got really worried and was feeling unhappy with it so she decided on a break. We're currently friends, I still think sometimes of saying I'm sorry and going back but I know that would only end up poorly since it would be the fourth time doing so. Also, I like her better how she than when we were in a relationship.

 

[Talka]

Got rejected again tonight. It was only a four-date fling, which isn't that long, but whatever. At this point, I am just so extremely tired. After however many dates, with however many girls... I'm just tired of getting rejected. I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of getting my hopes up after each promising date, only to end up disappointed. I'm tired of being told I'm funny and attractive and nice and thoughtful and then getting dumped regardless. I'm tired of planning dates. I'm tired of investing and hoping that each fling might lead somewhere, when they never do. I'm tired of never getting past the fourth or fifth date. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. I'm tired of being alone. Just tired.

At this point, there's enough data to recognize failure when I see it. If I can't find who I'm looking for in my 20s, why should the next few decades be any better? Maybe I'll get lucky. Or maybe I need to lower my hopes or die alone.

I know this is whiney drivel, but whatever. I'm tired of pretending like I'm above whiney drivel. I'm tired of being exhausted and alone and miserable. I'm tired of pretending like everything's OK. Tired, tired, tired.

Shitty Friday.

Just to follow up on my own post... it's Sunday now, and I feel much better. Did a day of lazy "me" stuff to cheer me up. Played some video games, watched that new Keanu Reeves movie, watched some trashy TV.

I feel refreshed. Yes, I'm still tired of rejection, but I'm ready to keep trying.

If nothing else, my post-rejection refractory period has shrunk these past few years. Now it only takes 36 hours or so for me to get back on the horse. That's something, at least.

 

[grap3fruitman]

I'll say the same thing i always say to posts like this. You need to sort yourself out before you can expect anyone else to want to be with you. So you're exhausted, tired, miserable and lonely. You seem to have a pretty negative outlook as well. Do you think this is the type of person people want to date? Is this the type of person you want to date? Even though i'm sure you think you don't project these emotions onto other people (everyone thinks this) in general people are good at picking these things up.

The ol' "you need to be happy with yourself but you're unhappy because you're alone" argument. This always ends well.

welp, back to single status, mostly I got myself to blame since I got scared and I lashed out so she dumped me. Sooo, back to doing whatever I was doing before.

Trying to take over the world?

 

[stn]

@Ghost_Protocol

Funny enough I feel you on that one. Not that I'd do the same thing but I can totally understand it. My best advice would be find the girl, apologize, and ask her out for coffee. Its true that she might be the next girl to flake on you, there's a 50/50 chance. BUT, she might also be the girl that doesn't flake on you. You need to take the plunge and worry about the results later. Dating is all about that, there's never any certainty. Chin up.

@grap3fruitman

Do you ever wonder why everyone tells you that you need to be happy with yourself first? Do you think we're all saying it just to torture you or something?

Dude, start doing stuff. Go to the bar more even if you don't meet any girls, go ask random strangers on the street questions, go join a dance class, go play basketball at the gym, go to the gym you're already at and make some friends (ex. Hey man, can you spot me?). Go have a coffee and initiate talk with a random person.

Your situation is beyond stupid, no offense. You're good looking, you know how to work out, and I'm sure you're a nice guy. You're one of the few people I'd recommend getting off the computer and going outside to do anything. And I mean anything. I'm convinced that your typical day is just going to work and then gaming. Which is like my typical day, except I don't hate myself. Stop making yourself go in circles, man.

This is going to be the millionth time I mention this, but why not post about a GAF meetup in your area? If you live in a small area, take your car and drive to the main city. You need to meet people - any people.

@prime crotch

No. Its easy for me to say since I have a full head of hair, but if its obvious you're balding then just shave your head. It really does look better. In fact, I'm currently working out and will shave my own head once I become more muscular. Why? Just for fun. Hit the gym, dude.

 

[Prime crotch]

Trying to take over the world?

back to balding

when im full bald my dating life will be over

 

[Septimius]

back to balding

when im full bald my dating life will be over

This is the silliest thing I heard all day. Just start shaving your head if you're balding. Believe me, balding has only something to say on your self-image. Not on how others perceive you. If you want to circumvent the whole problem, just shave your head. I know plenty of guys that do, and they're really awesome/handsome people. It's honestly not a problem at all.

The ol' "you need to be happy with yourself but you're unhappy because you're alone" argument. This always ends well.

Do you know how many times you and I have been over this exact same thing, now? I responded to you directly, but you didn't even reply to it. People give you straight up great advice, time and again. stn's also at it again. We're telling you what small things might change how everything seems, but you seem more set on just saying it's not going to work than to even read a book, or try any of the hundreds of other things people have said to you. Every time you start posting your gloomy shit, people actually tell notice and tell you how it's your gloomy shit that ruins stuff. They tell you how to get out of that rut. But you never listen. Then you wonder why it doesn't change. This is probably the tenth time I've pointed out this exact thing to you, yet you never take any actual measures besides trying the exact same thing you've been doing for years and expecting different results.

 

[grap3fruitman]

Do you ever wonder why everyone tells you that you need to be happy with yourself first? Do you think we're all saying it just to torture you or something?

But the reason I'm unhappy is because no one likes me. I have interests, I have things to share. I can't find a single person who isn't put off by them or myself. That's depressing.

Your situation is beyond stupid, no offense. You're good looking, you know how to work out, and I'm sure you're a nice guy. You're one of the few people I'd recommend getting off the computer and going outside to do anything. And I mean anything. I'm convinced that your typical day is just going to work and then gaming. Which is like my typical day, except I don't hate myself. Stop making yourself go in circles, man.

Work and then TV. Which just consists of watching the same few cartoons I've already seen a hundred times.

I'm too depressed to even hook up my computer or play any games. I even bought parts to upgrade my PC like a month or two ago thinking it would motivate me to finally to hook up my PC after already living here over a year. I own like 20+ PS4 games

Spoiler

and 3 PS4s

and I can't motivate myself to play any of them.

This is going to be the millionth time I mention this, but why not post about a GAF meetup in your area? If you live in a small area, take your car and drive to the main city. You need to meet people - any people.

Literally no one wants anything to do with me, male or female: http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=135220489

Just look at how much I get avoided in this thread. That's how complete strangers treat me in real life too. Not simply ignoring but purposely avoiding. There's a difference and I've picked up on it but it happens a lot. It's really difficult to try and meet anyone when everyone is going out of their way to avoid you.

 

[FelixOrion]

Mini-date last friday. Meh. She was nice but idk, not into it I think, oh well.

 

[Wolf Akela]

What exactly are your interests that put off everyone? I don't think gaming is one of them.

I'm staring at that post you linked and can't see the "people are avoiding me" part.

 

[stn]

Getting "avoided" by a bunch of randoms in one thread is nothing. Shit, I've posted my gamertag 10 times by now in both the Street Fighter and Diablo 3 threads. Nobody has ever directly replied or added me wanting to play. That's still not a reason to not try and organize a meet-up in your area, grape.

It will take you 30 minutes to figure out a tentative time, date, and venue. Create a post to gauge interest and go from there. You're going to post and spend time on GAF anyway, might as well make something productive out of it. I've been to a meetup before; while it was a bit too hardcore for me gaming-wise, all the GAF'ers were cool as hell.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

But the reason I'm unhappy is because no one likes me. I have interests, I have things to share. I can't find a single person who isn't put off by them or myself. That's depressing.


Work and then TV. Which just consists of watching the same few cartoons I've already seen a hundred times.

I'm too depressed to even hook up my computer or play any games. I even bought parts to upgrade my PC like a month or two ago thinking it would motivate me to finally to hook up my PC after already living here over a year. I own like 20+ PS4 games

Spoiler

and 3 PS4s

and I can't motivate myself to play any of them.


Literally no one wants anything to do with me, male or female: http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=135220489

Just look at how much I get avoided in this thread. That's how complete strangers treat me in real life too. Not simply ignoring but purposely avoiding. There's a difference and I've picked up on it but it happens a lot. It's really difficult to try and meet anyone when everyone is going out of their way to avoid you.

You probably get avoided on here because of your post history. You're draining to other people. You're so bitter that the only posts I see from you are in this thread or random relationships threads where you shift the topic to yourself to complain about how lonely you are, or how people suck, or it won't last and women suck, etc. You have to get over yourself, that's why people say you have to be happy with yourself. You're obviously not happy with yourself and you're foolishly taking all your self worth from others. Other people don't like you so you feel like shit.

You should read the article someone else posted for you about being an emotional vampire. We know it sucks and some of us have been there before but you have to realize that doing this dump on others is really rough on them and makes people pull back, especially after hardly knowing you or not knowing you. You need to learn to have self respect, there was a girl before that you knew was treating you crappy but you didn't care because someone was giving you attention. Do you realize how stupid that sounds? If you respect and care for yourself that little, why the hell would anyone want to be around you? If you hate yourself that much, there's little reason some complete stranger is going to feel differently.

We show our emotions whether we think we do or not, this is true for everyone. I know you think you don't show your insecurities when talking to people but you are and that's what turns people away. If you're comfortable with yourself then you're not constantly showing people your insecurities and why you think they shouldn't like you. This is the millionth time this has been said. Until you start to want things to change and get off your ass about it, then it never will and you can continue to lash out at others for your own self fulfilling prophecy.

Edit: It can also be like stn said, it's a huge board with huge threads. People get ignored or overlooked constantly.

 

[Granadier]

grap3, you focus too much on yourself and trying to find someone that will magically make you happy. That's never going to happen.

Stop looking for someone, get happy yourself first, then people will find you instead.

 

[Ampersands]

Did you take into account what I said? When you ask someone out, but they say they're busy, it's normally not a good sign. If they say they busy, but they plan other time it works, it's a lot better. So when you have a number, but think you might've been rejected, it's a good idea to build up rapport over some messages before trying again.

She actually was busy this weekend (volunteering) but I don't think that had any impact on what she said. The rejection was pretty clear.

I have pretty inflated ideas about dating with no experience to ground it. And I can't deny that I wanted my first date to be with her.

If you really like her... then go do something else with her. Go out with her and i dont mean a date i mean just hanging out. Treat her like a friend. Get over the fact that you are in the Friendzone right now.
This might lead to having someone that would help you understand women better or if you are really lucky and work hard for it you might end up in a relationship with her.

But dont get your hopes up. Just play it cool even if it hurts sometimes.

I think I'll try to be her friend. We've gotten along really well and I've never met anyone like her. I feel a lot more clearheaded than I did yesterday but I'm still not sure if I can handle it. I gave her a pretty long text about how hard it might be for me to stay friends if I know it's never going to go anywhere so she's pretty aware of how I feel about her.

I'll try to hang out with her more because it would be nice to have someone to talk about women with. I just need to detach myself from any idea of us being together. As much as I would love to 'wear her down' and end up in a relationship with her, it feels wrong. I probably could keep up a façade but could that really change the way she feels about me?

Ughh I'm thinking about this too much. I'm sure in real life it won't be half as hard as I'm imagining it to be.

 

[waypoetic]

I give up. It's the girls market and i'm not even considered on the menu. I guess i'll re-apply when i've become a freaking doctor, grown a full size beard and do idontknowwhatever for a hobby. Fuck this.

 

[mephel]

How do you handle being somewhere else financially?

I like this girl, we've been out together and everything is great. Except when we talk on facebook, she casually mentions stuff like: "if I buy those clothes (not some designer crap, but day to day stuff that she needs for her hobby) I won't have anything to eat for the rest of the month with a smiley face behind it.

I'm just not sure how to react to that. She also dislikes me paying for her when we're out.
I'm relatively well-off, I have never been in her situation and I never know what to say. I also feel like crap whenever she wants to pay, because I know I can spare the money and she can't.

Frustrating.

 

[GK86]

How do you handle being somewhere else financially?

I like this girl, we've been out together and everything is great. Except when we talk on facebook, she casually mentions stuff like: "if I buy those clothes (not some designer crap, but day to day stuff that she needs for her hobby) I won't have anything to eat for the rest of the month with a smiley face behind it.

I'm just not sure how to react to that. She also dislikes me paying for her when we're out.
I'm relatively well-off, I have never been in her situation and I never know what to say. I also feel like crap whenever she wants to pay, because I know I can spare the money and she can't.

Frustrating.

I'm kinda in her shoes. Where I have to spend my money wisely. Sometimes picking which days I can buy myself some real food or not eat until I get home.

I'm currently dating this woman who makes good money. I also don't like her paying, but we trade who pays and whatnot.

I handle it by planning inexpensive dates. Movies at my place, park dates, museums, cheap eats, etc. I don't know where you live, but I'm sure you can find inexpensive things to do. And "splurge" every once in awhile.