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[Ampersands]

I cannot stop thinking about the girl that turned me down. I am literally consumed by thoughts of her.

When I asked her out, she was just a crush that I thought might go somewhere. Now, she's all I can think about. I've been so nervous at even the thought of talking with her whereas before I was completely fine chatting with her. I only caught a glimpse of her today, but that was enough to set my heart racing.

I've never encountered this intensity of emotion before. It's almost impossible for me to concentrate or even eat because I'm inundated with feelings of despair and anxiety. This is a serious problem GAF.

 

[bitizenbon]

The story so far:

New school year at my college (small art school). One of the new incoming students and I have struck up a friendship as of last Friday/Saturday.

The school has these workshops where we learn how to use one of the high-end cameras in the film industry etc, which is where we met. There were moments when we would exchange glances from across the room or banter briefly, and I kept noticing she would always try to listen in on anything I would have to say (joke, question for the instructor, talking to others, etc.).

On Saturday I decided to approach her during a break and we spent most of the rest of the workshop talking. We like a lot of the same film directors/films (which is rare because we're both into European/David Lynch/less-known stuff) and were sharing stories random stuff. Today we spoke during a general pre-class period at the school and one of my friends said she seemed to really like me, as she made a comment about me having to leave to go to work and wishing I didn't have to.

I really like this girl, and I think she likes me too.

She mentioned a boyfriend but I have found out that they may have met online and have only seen each other in person less than two times.

I want to ask her out. What do you guys think is the best way to proceed?

 

[tch]

Alright, I am not very adept at cold approaching women. Once I am in conversation I am pretty comfortable and talkative. One of my problems with approaching/asking girls out is this fear of their age. I am 24, and don't want to be asking girls out that are 18. I am constantly thinking about how old they are before I even talk to them, and this results in me just not talking to them at all. Have any of you guys faced this problem? I'd really appreciate any advice here, thanks!

 

[NIGHT-]

Please gaf, if you meet someone great don't push them away, don't lash out at them and be there for them as much as you can. I'm living with so much regret tonight

 

[hipgnosis]

Please gaf, if you meet someone great don't push them away, don't lash out at them and be there for them as much as you can. I'm living with so much regret tonight

What happened? What did you do to push her away?

 

[stn]

1. One half has me thinking this way, and the other has me doubting myself. I have always played the part of not contacting a girl after being cut off in the past (high school), and it has always worked. They come back, only reason I doubt myself now is because of b**tching out before on her.

2. As for the bolded part, I didn't pursue her this way because I know how she is. She hates PDA and is the kind of girl that downplays being hit on. Also, she likes to take things slow, that's one of the first things she told me when we went out for a cup a coffee. We were talking about deal breakers/relationship stuff. A fault I admit will be that I was way too late on the complementing part. I seriously just freeze up when it comes to her, I hate it. But it means I actually like her.

3. As for the part saying what she said was BS, yeah I thought of that too many times since. I don't understand why people can't own up and be honest. I can take a no, seriously. Also, did I really have no other choice but to confess? I was out of the "game" for five years.

How would you handle this? It's obviously not irreversible, and I hate being all talk. Problem is, I am stumped right now. My mistake was, as you said, I didn't handle this the right way from the get go.

1. The only thing your "bitching out" on her did was make her disappear. She doesn't not like you solely because of it.

2. Whatever she said is easily a lie, dude. People in general like attention and flirting. Lots of girls will present themselves as timid, passive, and conservative in order to preserve an image. You didn't strike out with this girl because you decided to give her compliments too late. Compliments usually have a negative effect, anyway.

3. People can't own up and be honest because they dislike the pressure, they dislike feeling guilty about it, and they dislike confrontation. Saying "no" to someone is just a shitty feeling sometimes.

You had other choices but to confess. You should have done the following very casually: "Hey, we've been spending a lot of time. Join me for a coffee...on a date." You either score a date with her OR you get rejected but without all the awkwardness. Also, she probably sticks around even after rejecting you. Nobody likes to have to reply to a barrage of feelings.

There really is no way to fix this, I'm sorry. You have no choice but to move on. We all make mistakes. Learn to move on.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I cannot stop thinking about the girl that turned me down. I am literally consumed by thoughts of her.

When I asked her out, she was just a crush that I thought might go somewhere. Now, she's all I can think about. I've been so nervous at even the thought of talking with her whereas before I was completely fine chatting with her. I only caught a glimpse of her today, but that was enough to set my heart racing.

I've never encountered this intensity of emotion before. It's almost impossible for me to concentrate or even eat because I'm inundated with feelings of despair and anxiety. This is a serious problem GAF.

You have to do stuff and take your mind off this. Why are you building up this woman so much? You haven't even gone on a date.

 

[Iph]

Dating? The heck is that? /scratches head

In all seriousness though, now that I've moved, my bro who "gets" women a lot better than most I've met is insisting on taking me on normal dates so I can learn what they're like for if/when I am ready to try to talk to and go out on dates when I so choose. I'm such a tomboy that I've never really dated, just ended up in crappy or abusive relationships. I was bad for letting almost anyone into my life who gave me the time of day because I was so isolated growing up and never had a good people filter or was bad for not scoping out a guys intentions thoroughly before. Bit of a socially awkward penguin. Have to learn somehow, though. '_'

 

[Valus]

The story so far:

New school year at my college (small art school). One of the new incoming students and I have struck up a friendship as of last Friday/Saturday.

The school has these workshops where we learn how to use one of the high-end cameras in the film industry etc, which is where we met. There were moments when we would exchange glances from across the room or banter briefly, and I kept noticing she would always try to listen in on anything I would have to say (joke, question for the instructor, talking to others, etc.).

On Saturday I decided to approach her during a break and we spent most of the rest of the workshop talking. We like a lot of the same film directors/films (which is rare because we're both into European/David Lynch/less-known stuff) and were sharing stories random stuff. Today we spoke during a general pre-class period at the school and one of my friends said she seemed to really like me, as she made a comment about me having to leave to go to work and wishing I didn't have to.

I really like this girl, and I think she likes me too.

She mentioned a boyfriend but I have found out that they may have met online and have only seen each other in person less than two times.

I want to ask her out. What do you guys think is the best way to proceed?

Don't be that guy. Have some integrity.

 

[Servbot24]

Alright, I am not very adept at cold approaching women. Once I am in conversation I am pretty comfortable and talkative. One of my problems with approaching/asking girls out is this fear of their age. I am 24, and don't want to be asking girls out that are 18. I am constantly thinking about how old they are before I even talk to them, and this results in me just not talking to them at all. Have any of you guys faced this problem? I'd really appreciate any advice here, thanks!

It's not wrong to talk to younger girls, it's wrong to have sex with them. If you go about seeing women as nothing but potential sex targets you're not going to get very far anyways. Go ahead and talk to whoever you like, but do it because you genuinely want to get to know someone.

 

[NIGHT-]

What happened? What did you do to push her away?

We both have depression and have trouble dealing with it,. She tried to commit suicide months before we met, but she was always there for me and more supportive of me, always helped me on my lowest days.. She was on medication and seeing a therapist. Instead of being there for her when she needed me the most, I would lash out at her. I worked way too much overtime, when I shoild of spent more time enjoying life with her. 2 mknths ago my best friend died, she was close to him as well. It was hard for both of us and I broke up with her over anger and not being able to handle my emotions correctly. She's seeing someone else now and I lashed out once again, probably destroying any chance of a friendhip. I told her I know I have depression and problems and wanna take a few months to work on things, I deleted her information but told her if she wants to work on being friends again later down the road, to contact me. I'm at my doctors office now, hoping to get on some medication and a referral to a therapist. Sorry for the long and probably hard to read rant. I'm just dealing with a lot of regret and hoping that she can forgive me some day, and I hope I can learn to forgive myself

 

[Soi-Fong]

Dating? The heck is that? /scratches head

In all seriousness though, now that I've moved, my bro who "gets" women a lot better than most I've met is insisting on taking me on normal dates so I can learn what they're like for if/when I am ready to try to talk to and go out on dates when I so choose. I'm such a tomboy that I've never really dated, just ended up in crappy or abusive relationships. I was bad for letting almost anyone into my life who gave me the time of day because I was so isolated growing up and never had a good people filter or was bad for not scoping out a guys intentions thoroughly before. Bit of a socially awkward penguin. Have to learn somehow, though. '_'

Don't try to force anything. If you're a tomboy, then that's how you really are. Don't change yourself for a date. A relationship won't last with you "acting" like someone your not. You'll hurt yourself and the other person as well.

As for intuition, most of it really is innate. You get the gut feeling, good vibes, bad vibes, etc If anything, best way to find anything about a person is in how and what they respond with.

 

[Misterhbk]

Here's the whole story.

I met this Greek girl on the bus to my class. We got along pretty well & she invited me to go to some salsa dancing event followed by us exchanging numbers. I went to the event but I had to leave early due to an unforseen conflict. Before & after the event, we were texting. On Sunday, I asked if she wanted to meet up for lunch & she agreed. I just want Wednesday to go well.

So whatever you've been doing so far? Keep doing that. Don't make it more complicated than it is. Stop looking at her as some trophy or prize you need to prep for.

 

[Iph]

Don't try to force anything. If you're a tomboy, then that's how you really are. Don't change yourself for a date. A relationship won't last with you "acting" like someone your not. You'll hurt yourself and the other person as well.

As for intuition, most of it really is innate. You get the gut feeling, good vibes, bad vibes, etc If anything, best way to find anything about a person is in how and what they respond with.

I agree. But my bro has been around women a lot (a family member owns the one non-gross strip club in town XD) and wants to give me the option to dress up and be a lady too! I am a tomboy but it doesn't mean I don't like or want feminine stuff in life. I've simply always been working my ass off, in dirty coveralls and work clothes or sweats to take the dog out all day, every day, that I never get the opportunity for those feminine things. It actually makes them feel nice and meaningful when I do get to go out on a date with my bro, because it's safe, I feel better about actually getting a chance to be feminine and clean up and learn social etiquette.

I'm a tomboy in many work/hobby interests but that doesn't mean I shun what is feminine. I didn't have a mom or female figure around growing up to give me a chance at these things. And my work life always meant short hair, short nails, covered in bruises, work clothes, why bother with makeup, etc.

 

[Kyne]

The story so far:

New school year at my college (small art school). One of the new incoming students and I have struck up a friendship as of last Friday/Saturday.

The school has these workshops where we learn how to use one of the high-end cameras in the film industry etc, which is where we met. There were moments when we would exchange glances from across the room or banter briefly, and I kept noticing she would always try to listen in on anything I would have to say (joke, question for the instructor, talking to others, etc.).

On Saturday I decided to approach her during a break and we spent most of the rest of the workshop talking. We like a lot of the same film directors/films (which is rare because we're both into European/David Lynch/less-known stuff) and were sharing stories random stuff. Today we spoke during a general pre-class period at the school and one of my friends said she seemed to really like me, as she made a comment about me having to leave to go to work and wishing I didn't have to.

I really like this girl, and I think she likes me too.

She mentioned a boyfriend but I have found out that they may have met online and have only seen each other in person less than two times.

I want to ask her out. What do you guys think is the best way to proceed?

Stop.

 

[Pat]

The story so far:

New school year at my college (small art school). One of the new incoming students and I have struck up a friendship as of last Friday/Saturday.

The school has these workshops where we learn how to use one of the high-end cameras in the film industry etc, which is where we met. There were moments when we would exchange glances from across the room or banter briefly, and I kept noticing she would always try to listen in on anything I would have to say (joke, question for the instructor, talking to others, etc.).

On Saturday I decided to approach her during a break and we spent most of the rest of the workshop talking. We like a lot of the same film directors/films (which is rare because we're both into European/David Lynch/less-known stuff) and were sharing stories random stuff. Today we spoke during a general pre-class period at the school and one of my friends said she seemed to really like me, as she made a comment about me having to leave to go to work and wishing I didn't have to.

I really like this girl, and I think she likes me too.

She mentioned a boyfriend but I have found out that they may have met online and have only seen each other in person less than two times.

I want to ask her out. What do you guys think is the best way to proceed?

Everyone here will probably ask you to stop right away, but I'll be the devil's attorney and says that you should simply ask her out. If she replies with "I'm not sure my boyfriend would be ok with this", then, be cool. If she tells you she'd like it, then go. Don't expect a new gf after the first date though.

Many years ago, I asked a girl's out knowing she had a boyfriend (a three months relationship though) and learned she didn't really like him much. She broke up with him and we went together after a week or two and this was the best relationship I ever had (3 years).

 

[freshair]

1. If you have a specific age range you imposed on yourself because of past experiences, stick with it.
2. Don't go out with a girl who recently just got out of a relationship. Even if she says she's ready and isn't looking for a rebound.
3. A red flag is when she antagonizes you about how you'll fall for her friend when you first meet her (because "everyone does") when you assure her that you are with her for a reason, and then further pushes the issue because the friend laughed at one of your jokes which must mean that you and the friend had a connection. Then she pushes you away over text and say the friend and I should "go out".
4. When one of your guilty pleasures "really bothers" her - The fact that I listen to Taylor Swift

21 year old girl from Tinder who I met literally the day she broke up with her boyfriend and who I've dated for a month now and just met her friend last week when we all went to a party together. I told her from the very start if she's open to dating and for another relationship because that's what I'm looking for. I've been the rebound and I have no intention of being it again.

NOPE. Never again. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. She's reading into something that wasn't there between me and her friend, and dropped a few text bombs nitpicking things about me, the fact that I like taylor swift's music and occasionally there are mild lulls in our conversations. Apparently those combine "pisses her off" and that it "takes too much effort" to continue.

 

[Femto.]

1. The only thing your "bitching out" on her did was make her disappear. She doesn't not like you solely because of it.

2. Whatever she said is easily a lie, dude. People in general like attention and flirting. Lots of girls will present themselves as timid, passive, and conservative in order to preserve an image. You didn't strike out with this girl because you decided to give her compliments too late. Compliments usually have a negative effect, anyway.

3. People can't own up and be honest because they dislike the pressure, they dislike feeling guilty about it, and they dislike confrontation. Saying "no" to someone is just a shitty feeling sometimes.

You had other choices but to confess. You should have done the following very casually: "Hey, we've been spending a lot of time. Join me for a coffee...on a date." You either score a date with her OR you get rejected but without all the awkwardness. Also, she probably sticks around even after rejecting you. Nobody likes to have to reply to a barrage of feelings.

There really is no way to fix this, I'm sorry. You have no choice but to move on. We all make mistakes. Learn to move on.

I appreciate you being so blunt, thanks.

In the end it all came down to my incompetence of how to approach this, I'm not necessarily bummed that I struck out. Just bummed about who I struck out with, oh well. I'll take what I've learned from this, it is what it is. After my break up from earlier this year I had no real intention of putting myself out there again. This was just something that had happened to pop up and I thought I could "strike gold" twice in a row.

I'll just resume to do me as I originally intended, it will be the first time I've kept myself reserved. I just wish my current group of friends weren't all introverts and very anti-social. With my best friend gone I don't really have anyone to hang out with anymore. But that's a whole other problem.

 

[FaintColt388301]

I want to ask her out. What do you guys think is the best way to proceed?

I agree with most people in that you shouldn't ask her out. But you think she's cool and have stuff in common. Nothing wrong with chatting it up when you see her around and stuff. Just be her friend.

Don't ask her out though. You don't want that anyways. If she's willing to do that to him, she'll probably be willing to do that to you. Online or not.

 

[bitizenbon]

Alright, I may have been getting ahead of myself up there. I don't want to pressure her into leaving her boyfriend and I don't want to start dating her when she's in a relationship.

What I really want is to let her know how I feel, get it off my chest and live with the consequences (good or bad) after I do that. I'm just not sure how to approach her about it or when.

 

[Valus]

Alright, I may have been getting ahead of myself up there. I don't want to pressure her into leaving her boyfriend and I don't want to start dating her when she's in a relationship.

What I really want is to let her know how I feel, get it off my chest and live with the consequences (good or bad) after I do that. I'm just not sure how to approach her about it or when.

Now you're just trying to sugarcoat things. You know exactly what you're trying to do by "getting it off your chest." You're willing to potentially ruin a relationship, that's the problem here. As I said before, have some integrity.

 

[Horseticuffs]

Alright, I may have been getting ahead of myself up there. I don't want to pressure her into leaving her boyfriend and I don't want to start dating her when she's in a relationship.

What I really want is to let her know how I feel, get it off my chest and live with the consequences (good or bad) after I do that. I'm just not sure how to approach her about it or when.

As has been said, it just isn't right. If she is interested she will break up with the dude if she is a decent person. If she isn't a decent person why on earth would you be interested?

If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.

 

[bitizenbon]

I don't want her to cheat on her boy with me, I wouldn't want to be part of that. If she decides she isn't happy with her guy and that she likes me more after I approach her about how I feel, she'll know what to do on her end.

 

[beat]

Alright, I may have been getting ahead of myself up there. I don't want to pressure her into leaving her boyfriend and I don't want to start dating her when she's in a relationship.

What I really want is to let her know how I feel, get it off my chest and live with the consequences (good or bad) after I do that. I'm just not sure how to approach her about it or when.

Either move on and give up on this one for now, or ask her out - but be up front that it is a date and not a friend thing. Like Pat said, if she says no, she's got a bf, then you've got your answer.

But "getting your feelings off your chest" is probably the worst option... I think it'll be much more awkward overall than just asking her out and being rejected.

 

[Granadier]

edit: nevermind

gotta let her figure things out. Just be patient. You two haven't even known each other long it seems.

 

[bitizenbon]

edit: nevermind

gotta let her figure things out. Just be patient. You two haven't even known each other long it seems.

Post/PM it!

 

[grap3fruitman]

What exactly are your interests that put off everyone? I don't think gaming is one of them.

I don't know where you're from but video games and cartoons will put off anyone around here.

It will take you 30 minutes to figure out a tentative time, date, and venue. Create a post to gauge interest and go from there. You're going to post and spend time on GAF anyway, might as well make something productive out of it. I've been to a meetup before; while it was a bit too hardcore for me gaming-wise, all the GAF'ers were cool as hell.

It's a lot more difficult than that when I don't know anything about anything. Especially what's around here to do. That's why I jumped in that arcade thread. =\

You should read the article someone else posted for you about being an emotional vampire. We know it sucks and some of us have been there before but you have to realize that doing this dump on others is really rough on them and makes people pull back, especially after hardly knowing you or not knowing you.

I've already read it and when I do hold back, I'm just quiet and invisible. I don't know what else to talk about so I just stay quiet. On here? I read a lot of other threads actually but I seldom have anything to contribute so I don't post at all.

You need to learn to have self respect, there was a girl before that you knew was treating you crappy but you didn't care because someone was giving you attention. Do you realize how stupid that sounds?

It's the best someone like me could hope for and I was glad to have it. It was really nice actually having someone to talk to and share with. I don't think you guys really understand what isolation is like. I've actually been really tempted these last few weeks to text said girl again in the hopes that she'd talk to me some more. I haven't, simply because I know what the answer will be.

We show our emotions whether we think we do or not, this is true for everyone. I know you think you don't show your insecurities when talking to people but you are and that's what turns people away. If you're comfortable with yourself then you're not constantly showing people your insecurities and why you think they shouldn't like you. This is the millionth time this has been said. Until you start to want things to change and get off your ass about it, then it never will and you can continue to lash out at others for your own self fulfilling prophecy.

Firstly, this is an unfair assumption. What makes you think I want to continue to feel like shit? I've tried all sorts of things, only to have them all fail. What exactly am I supposed to do? I honestly don't know.

grap3, you focus too much on yourself and trying to find someone that will magically make you happy. That's never going to happen.

That's not what I'm focusing at all. I don't think one person is going to fix my problems. I think if I would be just as unhappy if I only had one person in my life. What I want is to have lots of relationships, just like all of you. I just want to be a normal person living a normal life with friends, girlfriends, etc. doing all the things these people normally do with each other. I just want to fit in and be normal.

Stop looking for someone, get happy yourself first, then people will find you instead.

How do I get happy? How did you do it?

 

[NIGHT-]

If you're ex tells you she still loves you but clearly she's moving on and starting to see someone, is it worth fighting for? I don't wanna give up on this one until Ive done everything :/

 

[Horseticuffs]

If you're ex tells you she still loves you but clearly she's moving on and starting to see someone, is it worth fighting for? I don't wanna give up on this one until Ive done everything :/

When it comes to competing with another person NOBODY is worth fighting for. Anyone who would make you do that isn't worth the trouble.

 

[Buckethead]

If you're ex tells you she still loves you but clearly she's moving on and starting to see someone, is it worth fighting for? I don't wanna give up on this one until Ive done everything :/

No, definitely not because she's starting to see other people.

If she comes back to you it'll be because it's the comfortable thing to do and only delay your recovery process and you both moving on.

 

[EdibleKnife]

Firstly, this is an unfair assumption. What makes you think I want to continue to feel like shit? I've tried all sorts of things, only to have them all fail. What exactly am I supposed to do? I honestly don't know.


That's not what I'm focusing at all. I don't think one person is going to fix my problems. I think if I would be just as unhappy if I only had one person in my life. What I want is to have lots of relationships, just like all of you. I just want to be a normal person living a normal life with friends, girlfriends, etc. doing all the things these people normally do with each other. I just want to fit in and be normal.

How do I get happy? How did you do it?

So you say you've tried all sorts of things and all of them have failed. What have you tried and how has it failed? Have you tried working out? Going out? Seeing a therapist? In fact, a better question would be what do you yourself consider a fail in a situation? You can't really fail online dating. You can't truly fail exercise. Most of the things you can engage in in the world don't have a set fail state.

If you want to get happier you need to understand the truth that relationships can only do so much. The old adage is that the only person you can ever truly rely on at the end of the day is yourself and that's the person you should be most happy with. Relationships with others are great and they can make you extremely happy but to come to any relationship already unhappy doesn't help anyone. Seeking people to confirm your baseline happiness is co-dependence. To be the kind of happy that you're seeking, you need to figure out what entertains you. What does make you smile? Is it certain things you do? Watch? Think about? You also need to change your self thought. Stop putting yourself down. Please. Once you wake up, take a look in the mirror and give yourself some positive affirmations. Write down your good qualities or ask others about your good qualities (co workers, family, etc.) Reorganize how you think about yourself because you've caught yourself in a loop. You tell yourself you're not worth much, it shows in how you act, people see that and are either turned off or take advantage of that and you come away feeling worthless again. Only you can break that chain.

In all honesty, I haven't followed the entirety of your journey but if you truly feel that literally nothing can make you happy other than a bunch of random relationships, I encourage you to see a counselor/therapist because if we've gotten this far and you still can't see what people are trying to tell you then their are some serious mental blocks that you need to clear up so you can see what Dating-age has been trying to convince you of for a while.

 

[turtle553]

I don't know where you're from but video games and cartoons will put off anyone around here.


It's a lot more difficult than that when I don't know anything about anything. Especially what's around here to do. That's why I jumped in that arcade thread. =\

Don't you live right outside of Chicago? I'd think there would be endless things to do in the area.

 

[nullset2]

Sorry to bother, but I'd like to try to bring this up to attention again.

Hey guys, help here.

I have on my rotation one of my best prospects in a huge time, seems to be an amazing chick, and she's from out of town too so this could get HUGE for socialization and fun. Potentially lots of common interests, seems to have great attitude. Friend of my sister's, she's single and is actually proactively looking for cool dates. Very cute looking. She actually told her to have me add her on facebook to begin the interaction, so I gather, she's interested.

I got in touch in facebook, we do actually have a good conversation going. A cool girl replying back to me for a change, first time in years. The usual questions about work, school and hobbies and the like, nothing special. I brought up going out to eat something on the saturday so we can chat in person, and she was all like "hell yeah that sounds great", but the plan ultimately fell through the cracks since she worked on the weekend.

I've just kept messaging to chat about her day, and the ball is in my court right now actually. Wat do. Should I bring up the dinner again? She didn't really reschedule when she dropped the other invitation, but truth be told she seems like a very busy person. She did say she was sorry that she had to work...

Also please someone suggest good questions to make, and good angles to take. I really want to get to know this chick better if possible.

We've been talking the last few days, just small talk and the usual "hey what do you think about...?" Sorta stuff. I want to bring up a date again.

Should I just go for it out of the blue again? Like "hey, are you free tomorrow ? Let's meet for coffee!" Sorta thing.

I really want to get it done and see where it leads, but I feel very awkward and anxious all of a sudden... don't really want to drop it off either

Don't do coffee. Do something more substantial for a date.

In your opinion, would trying the dinner again be ok? I have this cool/alternative place in mind I think she'd love, based from her tastes.

Also everyone please suggest witty/clever ways to approach. I've been hitting walls lately with the fact I'm not a charismatic bastard. Shy, I no longer am, and I can have great convos I just need that game, god.

 

[grap3fruitman]

Don't do coffee. Do something more substantial for a date.

 

[Granadier]

Post/PM it!

I was reiterating something that another poster had already said because I didn't read through the replys well enough. It wasn't anything beyond that.

That's not what I'm focusing at all. I don't think one person is going to fix my problems. I think if I would be just as unhappy if I only had one person in my life. What I want is to have lots of relationships, just like all of you. I just want to be a normal person living a normal life with friends, girlfriends, etc. doing all the things these people normally do with each other. I just want to fit in and be normal.


How do I get happy? How did you do it?

You stop focusing on what you want and instead think about what you can provide for others. I mean this in every way imaginable.

What you're doing right now is being a life sucker because you are grasping at the people around you. Desperately trying to absorb some of the "thing" that they have in an attempt to be like them. People can detect that, and that's probably why they move away from you.

You should instead find something, anything, that you enjoy doing by yourself. Whatever it is. Then find another thing, and another thing. Then start finding things that you enjoy doing around other people. Then progressively you will become more likeable and people will become more attracted to you as a person.

You need to be happy enough with yourself, where you are at right now, though first. This allows you to be content with being alone so that you can learn to integrate with society.

Don't do coffee. Do something more substantial for a date.

This is bad advice. Coffee is a fantastic thing to do for a first date. It's usually in a public space so both parties feel secure. There is plenty of time to talk and learn about each other. And there is no pressure to continue or sit through anything out of courtesy if things go bad.

 

[NeOak]

In your opinion, would trying the dinner again be ok? I have this cool/alternative place in mind I think she'd love, based from her tastes.

Also everyone please suggest witty/clever ways to approach. I've been hitting walls lately with the fact I'm not a charismatic bastard. Shy, I no longer am, and I can have great convos I just need that game, god.

Don't follow his advice.

Coffee is good. And try to relax.

Btw, be you. Don't try to put a fake personality on for her. That's a recipe for disaster.

 

[grap3fruitman]

Yes. Coffee is perfect for relaxing. On your interview-date. We'll keep your resume on file and let you know if any positions become available.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Yes. Coffee is perfect for relaxing. On your interview-date. We'll keep your resume on file and let you know if any positions become available.

Trust this man. He's a dating expert.

 

[grap3fruitman]

Trust this man. He's a dating expert.

That's a fair jab but do I not have a valid point? I'd like to think that I make sense sometimes.

 

[beat]

Yes. Coffee is perfect for relaxing. On your interview-date. We'll keep your resume on file and let you know if any positions become available.

Do you see why people might get a negative vibe from you?

And no, it's just coffee! Get decaf if caffeine is an issue. Other than that, it's a chill environment - we're talking cafés and coffeehouses, not diners or McDonalds, right? - to just have a nice, quiet date.

 

[jadedm17]

I don't know, i feel unwanted as fuck. I log on to this dating site i'm on and there hasn't even been a single visitor in a day. And last time i was out with my friends at the bar, my friend (the extroverted fuck that he is) got lucky and my drunken, bitter response was to go full asshole-mode.

Blergh

Follow his example then, learn from him. And every encounter really.

Also remember it's a numbers game and there's millions of women. There's easily a bunch looking for a guy just like you - and me while we're at it, we just gotta find them.

Something that stuck working in sales was when someone pointed out baseball players get paid a lot of money to just hit the ball 30% of the time.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Yes. Coffee is perfect for relaxing. On your interview-date. We'll keep your resume on file and let you know if any positions become available.

You still don't see anything wrong with posts like these?

 

[Hjod]

I think coffee is perfect for a first date. Worked for me at least, nice way to see if you like the person, just talk a bit and see if there is a spark och chemistry. Then for a second date I would do something more substantial.

 

[Nether!]

Coffee is great for a first date, the focus is on each other and trying to get to know one another.
Any date where you can sustain a conversation is excellent.

 

[electricshake]

Although I prefer drinks for the first date, coffee is a decent alternative.

 

[Kyne]

I did icecream on my recent first date. Went very well. In fact she's mah squeeze now.

 

[Log4Girlz]

I think coffee is perfect for a first date. Worked for me at least, nice way to see if you like the person, just talk a bit and see if there is a spark och chemistry. Then for a second date I would do something more substantial.

Same here. I hired her to replace the roof too. Great for interviews.

 

[NIGHT-]

Coffee or drinks are perfect for your first date, especially when it's meeting someone from online. Keeps the pressure low and easy to get out of If you don't meet each others expectations

 

[manipulate]

Well, the girl broke up with me last week because she's moving to London so I guess I'm back in this hustle. I'm pretty bummed as I did like her a fair bit, but whatevs, not like I can do anything about it. It was a nice six months or so anyway.

Anyway. Reactivated okc. We'll see what happens with that whole REALITY thing, as I reaaaaally don't get out much these days due to being in the final stages of a PhD

 

[Hjod]

Same here. I hired her to replace the roof too. Great for interviews.

Nice, I need a new roof too, would you recommend her?